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Thread: Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

  1. #226
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandi. View Post
    Are you not aware of the pain cheating can cause? How hard is it for someone who wants to get with another person, to just break up with their partner before they go ahead and do anything with the other person they want? Is it really that hard?
    I'm aware of it, I never really feel any sympathy for people that have been cheated on unless they are my closest friends, and dwelling is just a waste of time. Nothing to do but move on. I've been cheated on, I cared for all of a week, then just realized she was a terrible human being anyways. (She has a baby now LOL) I tend to get over breakups in a couple days though so maybe I am just a more stable person. Who knows.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DMerle View Post
    It's a really good trait but you really do try to please too much, some men will see that as an open invitation to use you as a doormat. If someone does cheat on you it's never really something your doing wrong, remember that if you are both happy and open with each other then nothing really will arrise that should cause cheating, cheating mainly happens because someone is tied down with someone who they are unhappy with, they feel like being home is a burden with them and is putting too much of a strain on them. Imagine the typical 9-5 guy, he gets home from work and has to deal with a shouting wife and screaming kids, after a while he ends hooking up with a woman. Why? With her all his problems are gone, he doesn't have to deal with anything. Make sure that no matter how much you've got on you're always spending quality time with your partner.
    Or he could talk to his wife about his concerns, hire a babysitter, and go take a weekend vacation together. Or just a date night. Both partners need to put forth the effort and communicate openly. And really, the nagging wife and screaming kids scenario is so cliche...

  3. #228
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Or he could talk to his wife about his concerns, hire a babysitter, and go take a weekend vacation together. Or just a date night. Both partners need to put forth the effort and communicate openly. And really, the nagging wife and screaming kids scenario is so cliche...
    I'll tell you what if my spouse ever turns out like my mother I can't guarantee her safety. I can't tolerate nagging over really stupid crap. Example: Toilet seat.

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  4. #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Or he could talk to his wife about his concerns, hire a babysitter, and go take a weekend vacation together. Or just a date night. Both partners need to put forth the effort and communicate openly. And really, the nagging wife and screaming kids scenario is so cliche...
    Yup, the nagging wife/screaming kids scenario is so cliche but it probably is the most common one and therefore makes a good example.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DMerle View Post
    Yup, the nagging wife/screaming kids scenario is so cliche but it probably is the most common one and therefore makes a good example.
    I don't know about that. For many families in developed countries, it's not "Daddy is the bread winner and Mommy stays home to raise the kids." Yeah, it happens and I know a few stay-at-home moms, but for many families, both parents are working. It's selfish to whine about your partner not making time for you if you're not making time for her either. It's a partnership and it's supposed to be equal.

  6. #231
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    If it took you a week to get over betrayal, it's less likely to do with you being a stronger person. I'm honestly convinced that chances are, the relationship wasn't that big of a deal in the first place.

    You don't just forget things like this in a week.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    I was saying that *if* that happened, then most likely I would think something was wrong with me, that's all.
    Honestly, you sound really insecure, and if you keep up a mentality like this you're just going to get walked all over. It is not even remotely your fault for your partner cheating. He's an adult, and if he were to hypothetically cheat on you, the blame would rest on his shoulders because he's in control of his own actions. If he were to be unhappy with you, he should break up with you instead of putting you through that sort of heartbreak.

    And really, you need more self-esteem. You can't just latch on to a guy and do whatever he says just so you can have love (and I'd be a bit sceptical to call it love if you did do something like that). Obviously I don't know what your current partner is like, but if he ever were to cheat on you you shouldn't just brush it aside because you're afraid of being alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    That worst that could happen is he cheats on her and she breaks up and life goes on and she finds someone else.
    Stop being so insensitive. Having a person you love cheat on you is not just something you can get over in a week. Yes, you need to move on, but saying that breaking up with a person you're in love with is nothing is a ridiculous statement to make.

  8. #233
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    Cheating is cheating. Simple as that.

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    I'd rather be forgiving then be some raging ***** who thinks she can get everyone in the world and calls everyone who makes one goddamn mistake a scumbag. Seriously, you make my view sound like it's wrong here and it's right to treat them like a scum and be some power *****. That makes me angry.

    I am NOT easy like that girl says, but I really don't care if anyone else wants to follow her and think of me as that way. I'm just not a cruel *****. I believe in second chances and if that makes me easy and insecure, then so be it. At least, I still get to have a partner...
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    At least, I still get to have a partner...
    This is the problem.

    Deep down inside, the only true reason you're forgiving is because you are desperate. It has nothing to do with you being more nice than us.

    That is insecurity by definition. You are very unhealthy individual, and will likely be taken advantage of this your partner very well knows he can cheat and get away with it even if it's just once.

    And yes, being a raging ****** makes more sense than being a forgiving individual in the matters of cheating. Your partner betrayed you and shared an intimate relationship with someone other than you. If you don't at least get mad at that while at the same time discourage it, something is wrong with you mentally.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

  11. #236

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    I can get mad. I mean it's not like I would encourage it. But no one's going to force me to just throw away what I have just because they decide to cheat. That's wrong.
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    I don't remember anyone calling you easy. Am I missing something? This thread has taken kind of a bizarre turn...

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    Someone did imply that I was an easy forgiving person and said it in a way that made themselves sound like they better than me. That's what caused the rage post.

    Can anyone accept the fact that not all people are going to think like most of you can kick their partner like trash?
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  14. #239
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    Stop being so insensitive. Having a person you love cheat on you is not just something you can get over in a week. Yes, you need to move on, but saying that breaking up with a person you're in love with is nothing is a ridiculous statement to make.
    Telling me to stop being insensitive is like telling a penguin to fly, it just isn't in my genes. Inherently I don't care about anyone else's relationship turmoil. Everyone goes through. I have also had about seven breakups in the past six years. It barely gets to me anymore.


    I can get mad. I mean it's not like I would encourage it. But no one's going to force me to just throw away what I have just because they decide to cheat. That's wrong.
    You are either afraid of being alone or you are getting some good sex out of this relationship. I can't see any other reason you would be so lenient.

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    Because I *LOVE* themmmmmmmmmmmmmm


    LOVE people
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    I can get mad. I mean it's not like I would encourage it. But no one's going to force me to just throw away what I have just because they decide to cheat. That's wrong.
    Cheating is more wrong. Giving someone what they deserve isn't.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Can anyone accept the fact that not all people are going to think like most of you can kick their partner like trash?
    Once again, it's not because you are nicer and more kind.

    You are more desperate.


    You have admitted to this more than once. That has nothing to do with kindness, and more to do with insecurity. What you said was fine until you said people should be forgiven because you don't respect yourself enough to remain alone than to be with someone who doesn't care about you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

  17. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Because I *LOVE* themmmmmmmmmmmmmm


    LOVE people
    Love is one thing, blind admiration is another. Admiration is the furthest from understanding.

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  18. #243
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    I'd rather be forgiving then be some raging ***** who thinks she can get everyone in the world and calls everyone who makes one goddamn mistake a scumbag. Seriously, you make my view sound like it's wrong here and it's right to treat them like a scum and be some power *****. That makes me angry.

    I am NOT easy like that girl says, but I really don't care if anyone else wants to follow her and think of me as that way. I'm just not a cruel *****. I believe in second chances and if that makes me easy and insecure, then so be it. At least, I still get to have a partner...
    You need help. I'm not trying to mean or say that I am better than you or anything. Do not get me wrong. I'm trying to help you be a stronger person.

    I never said I could get anyone in the world. And besides, I don't want everyone in the world. I only want my partner. So even then.. if my partner was to cheat on me.. I would never give him a second chance. He betrayed, went behind my back, had intimate relations with some random ho. Yeah sorry, I don't think people who cheat deserve second chances. I don't let anyone walk over me ..especially for the stupid reason that I don't want to be alone. I'd rather be alone than be glued to a man who goes along and betrays me for his own pleasures and doesn't even think of how I'd feel.

    The way you talk, you act as if you wouldn't even feel the slightest angry or upset if your man cheated. Unhealthy relationship much? Desperate much?
    "at least I still get to have a partner.."
    ^ no. NO. You are desperate aren't you? For love? For affection? Sorry to break it to you dear, but if your relationship is as if you explain it.. there's no real love in it. Just obsession and a desperate little girl.

  19. #244
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    I'd rather be forgiving then be some raging ***** who thinks she can get everyone in the world and calls everyone who makes one goddamn mistake a scumbag. Seriously, you make my view sound like it's wrong here and it's right to treat them like a scum and be some power *****. That makes me angry.

    I am NOT easy like that girl says, but I really don't care if anyone else wants to follow her and think of me as that way. I'm just not a cruel *****. I believe in second chances and if that makes me easy and insecure, then so be it. At least, I still get to have a partner...
    Who says that those are the only two options? It sounds like the reason you want to be forgiving is not because you like being that kind of person, but because you desperately want to avoid being the other kind of person - but you don't even understand what other kind of people there are. Nobody here is that girl that woman that dumps men like the daily paper. Don't confuse that for women and men who have self-esteem and know that they are worth a good partner. You act like asking a partner to have a 100% chance of being faithful (or just politely break up) is some pie-in-the-sky goal. It isn't. Millions of couples do it all the time.

    Pesky Persian, GhostAnime, Mandi, etcetera, aren't reveling in power over having a partner, nor do they want to 'treat them like scum'. Neither are they raging. They're only saying that we all deserve the kind of partner who won't be too lazy to tell you they're having problems with the relationship and go sleep with another person. That's not that much to ask! It only requires them to be honest, communicate with their partner, and not a complete jerk.

    In reality, that one is the kinder approach to seeking a relationship, because they're being absolutely upfront about what they want in a partner. While it seems nice to forgive someone for their transgressions because you're giving them what they want, it actually hurts them, because they get the idea it's okay to do what they did. You're teaching them that they can be a cheater and you'll welcome them back with open arms. If they ever actually break up with you, this person is going to go to another girl and break their heart because of what they learned from you.

    And you can try to claim that you're more fortunate for having a partner, but give it ten years and you'll realize that a bad partner is NOT better than no partner at all.

    I believe in second chances too, but really the only reason for giving someone a second chance is because you love them. There's no rational reason to do it, and the ones you've tried to provide really have painted you as wanting just anyone at all, which would be annoying to those of us who find exceptional individuals and love them for who they are.

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  20. #245
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    I was raised with the idea that cheating is wrong which I still have a strong belief in to this day. I would never under any circumstance cheat on my girlfriend/wife. Sleeping with someone while with another just sickens me. People if your in a relationship brake up with them before you destroy their self-estieam

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    You act like asking a partner to have a 100% chance of being faithful (or just politely break up) is some pie-in-the-sky goal. It isn't. Millions of couples do it all the time.
    And you can also be whatever you want as long as you dream.

    Face it, millions of people lie about not cheating. It is far more common in relationships these days for their to be some form of cheating at some point in a long term relationship, than not. People just lie and say they didn't. That is why I never absolutely trust any woman. I give the appearance I do so they will get sloppy then I can prove it whenever they proceed with such actions.

    They're only saying that we all deserve the kind of partner who won't be too lazy to tell you they're having problems with the relationship and go sleep with another person.
    Yup we all deserve a great partner. Even the liars, cheaters, murders and rapists. Especially the rapists.

    And you can try to claim that you're more fortunate for having a partner, but give it ten years and you'll realize that a bad partner is NOT better than no partner at all.
    Psychologically that has been proven wrong. It is human nature to desire the company of evil intent, rather than absolute solitude.

    which would be annoying to those of us who find exceptional individuals and love them for who they are.
    Yup finding that whipped menstrual boy at the age of 22 who is living off welfare but is loyal because he can't have anyone else is definitely an exceptional individual.

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  22. #247

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    Its not bad. As long as you don't compromise your relationship by kissing or going further.

  23. #248
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    And you can also be whatever you want as long as you dream.

    Face it, millions of people lie about not cheating. It is far more common in relationships these days for their to be some form of cheating at some point in a long term relationship, than not. People just lie and say they didn't. That is why I never absolutely trust any woman. I give the appearance I do so they will get sloppy then I can prove it whenever they proceed with such actions.
    That's more about you than the conversation, though. You're essentially saying that you don't go into a relationship without a metaphorical gun behind your back, which means you're in danger of making every relationship you have a self-fufilling prophecy.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Yup we all deserve a great partner. Even the liars, cheaters, murders and rapists. Especially the rapists.
    I didn't know we were in the presence of liars, cheaters, murderers and rapists. And I would hope the person I was talking to isn't one of them. They can all search for people in their respective leagues. Obviously not everyone can be in the same dating tier, but it's my nature to assume a person is in a reasonable tier before they prove otherwise.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Psychologically that has been proven wrong. It is human nature to desire the company of evil intent, rather than absolute solitude.
    Sure, but even psychologically speaking, none of us actually consider an abusive relationship something to aspire to, nor do we want to support someone getting into it. Not everyone is going to depend on a marriage for companionship; others are going to be more content with their family or workplace than settling for an abusive spouse.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Yup finding that whipped menstrual boy at the age of 22 who is living off welfare but is loyal because he can't have anyone else is definitely an exceptional individual.
    Again, your personal phobia = / = any of our experiences.

    Obviously 'who you can get' does have something to do with it, but you're letting your emotions do all the talking if you're going to elevate the circumstances where people settle to a higher importance than the people who honestly fall in love with someone for their qualities. Bitterness is an emotion too, it's just one that's so pervasive that you believe you're beyond emotions because you're so deep in it.
    Last edited by CSolarstorm; 2nd September 2012 at 10:30 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Face it, millions of people lie about not cheating. It is far more common in relationships these days for their to be some form of cheating at some point in a long term relationship, than not. People just lie and say they didn't. That is why I never absolutely trust any woman. I give the appearance I do so they will get sloppy then I can prove it whenever they proceed with such actions.
    Prove it. Right now it just sounds like you're spouting off stuff for the sake of being pessimistic.

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    That's more about you than the conversation, though. You're essentially saying that you don't go into a relationship without a metaphorical gun behind your back, which means you're in danger of making every relationship you have a self-fufilling prophecy.
    Well not if I am good at lying. My relationship will be fine in that case, well that in assuming I don't catch them cheating. Which brings me to my next point:

    I didn't know we were in the presence of liars, cheaters, murderers and rapists.
    The last three were all hyperbole for the sake of argument. However everyone lies, and the ones who claim they don't are the biggest liars. People really aren't trustworthy, trust needs to be earned. Without that it just becomes faith, which I am sure you can agree how flawed that is. Also the point I was making is there are a lot of people who just don't deserve great relationships based on their actions.

    Sure, but even psychologically speaking, none of us actually consider an abusive relationship something to aspire to, nor do we want to support someone getting into it. Not everyone is going to depend on a marriage for companionship; others are going to be more content with their family or workplace than settling for an abusive spouse.
    True, but the reality is if a person is stuck in a hypothetical situation where they would have to choose between being with a terrible person, or a person where they were absolutely alone, 3/4 times they would pick being with that person.

    Yup finding that whipped menstrual boy at the age of 22 who is living off welfare but is loyal because he can't have anyone else is definitely an exceptional individual.
    I haven't a phobia or anything. I just believe people try to find the good in failures more in relationships than in any other kind of connection.

    Prove it. Right now it just sounds like you're spouting off stuff for the sake of being pessimistic.
    I am being realistic. Just because a person can deny something doesn't mean it isn't there, it also doesn't mean it is there. However in the case of human neurological flaw and tendencies, it is more likely in a random chance that it will be there and the person will cheat, and deny it. Morals and self inhibitions to prevent one from cheating only exist as a result of social etiquette. If cheating was respected far more people would openly do it. Which returns me to the second point: people lie.
    Last edited by iFi Salamander; 2nd September 2012 at 10:33 PM.

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