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Thread: Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

  1. #251
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post

    I am being realistic. Just because a person can deny something doesn't mean it isn't there, it also doesn't mean it is there. However in the case of human neurological flaw and tendencies, it is more likely in a random chance that it will be there and the person will cheat, and deny it. Morals and self inhibitions to prevent one from cheating only exist as a result of social etiquette. If cheating was respected far more people would openly do it. Which returns me to the second point: people lie.
    So basically, you can't prove it.

  2. #252
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    So basically, you can't prove it.
    I could look up articles and studies on psychology to prove it, but in reality your claim is just a baseless and I can dismiss it therefore equally. Proving your point would only resolve in an ego boost for me, then life would go on. Objectively to me that seems like a waste of time, and no I am not just saying this to deflect.

    I would also like to add debating that point would be futile since it is fairly obvious you have some faith in the good of humanity, and I am sardonic and want to watch the world burn. Under such a premise we could never see eye to eye anyways.

    And this is the beautiful flaw about people.
    Last edited by iFi Salamander; 2nd September 2012 at 10:38 PM.

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  3. #253
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    I could look up articles and studies on psychology to prove it, but in reality your claim is just a baseless and I can dismiss it therefore equally. Proving your point would only resolve in an ego boost for me, then life would go on. Objectively to me that seems like a waste of time, and no I am not just saying this to deflect.
    Give me one study that points to most people being cheaters and I wouldn't think your claim is so baseless. YOU made a claim. The burden of proof is on you. If you're too lazy to bring evidence to the debate, don't bother making claims you refuse to show evidence for. People lie, sure, but that doesn't mean that most long-term couples have cheated on each other. You haven't proven anything by saying people lie.

    and I am sardonic and want to watch the world burn.
    Are you sure the age on your profile is correct? You sound more and more like a 16-year-old every time you post. Either that or you watch way too much Batman.
    Last edited by Pesky Persian; 2nd September 2012 at 10:43 PM.

  4. #254
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Give me one study that points to most people being cheaters and I wouldn't think your claim is so baseless. YOU made a claim. The burden of proof is on you. If you're too lazy to bring evidence to the debate, don't bother making claims you refuse to show evidence for. People lie, sure, but that doesn't mean that most long-term couples have cheated on each other. You haven't proven anything by saying people lie.
    Here are some things to look at:

    Divorce ratings in America for 2012
    Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
    20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
    25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
    30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
    35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

    Overall divorce ratings:
    The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
    The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
    The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

    Look at these numbers. Of course cheating isn't always the reason, but we also need to calculate c (for cheating) outside of a divorce situation.

    I can't literally give you a number of the amount of couples who cheat because that would require people to report adultery, which they don't.

    Are you sure the age on your profile is correct? You sound more and more like a 16-year-old every time you post. Either that or you watch way too much Batman.
    "YOU made a claim. The burden of proof is on you"

    Now you are just being a hypocrite. I really don't care to prove to a person who so obviously is only hanging on everyone word I say because she just dislikes me personally. I gave you the evidence I physically can without spending huge chunks out of my day just to make my peace with a random girl who doesn't like me on the internet.

    Also hardy-har. Adult human beings can't dislike people! Must be teenager. Now that is juvenile adolescent logic.
    Last edited by iFi Salamander; 2nd September 2012 at 10:54 PM.

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  5. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Here are some things to look at:

    Divorce ratings in America for 2012
    Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
    20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
    25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
    30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
    35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

    Overall divorce ratings:
    The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
    The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
    The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

    Look at these numbers. Of course cheating isn't always the reason, but we also need to calculate c (for cheating) outside of a divorce situation.

    I can't literally give you a number of the amount of couples who cheat because that would require people to report adultery, which they don't.

    Not that hard if you try:

    "Surveys show that 22% of married men have committed an adulterous act at least once in their life
    14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives
    It is in the younger generation where these values are considerably higher and the numbers of both sexes are closer together"
    Source: http://www.divorcestatistics.info/la...cs-of-usa.html

    Less than a quarter of each gender? I'd say that's not anywhere close to being most long-term relationships. Also, studies show that younger people are more likely to cheat (I've seen this in a number of sociological studies and could link more if you really want me to). I would say most of those relationships don't ever make it to long-term because most of those people aren't interested in anything more than a fling. I don't agree with everything that site says because I think there are a lot of different reasons that people cheat, but the statistics aren't bad.

  6. #256
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Well not if I am good at lying. My relationship will be fine in that case, well that in assuming I don't catch them cheating. Which brings me to my next point:
    Oh yes, your relationship will be stellar if you base it on a continuous lie. And go into it with fake faith. You've got it. *sarcasm* Seriously though, you might be able to get away with that just long enough to actually develop a trust for them, but it's debatable whether or not you can develop something genuine in something artificial. And you're in deep trouble if the woman ever finds out, even if you've already developed trust for them.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    The last three were all hyperbole for the sake of argument. However everyone lies, and the ones who claim they don't are the biggest liars. People really aren't trustworthy, trust needs to be earned. Without that it just becomes faith, which I am sure you can agree how flawed that is. Also the point I was making is there are a lot of people who just don't deserve great relationships based on their actions.
    In a sense, people need to have a reason to trust someone, but that's not the same as earning their trust. A lot of people actually do respect the people they meet until they give them a reason to lose their respect, because it's not as stressful as seeing everyone on planet earth as the enemy until they do something to indicate they're a friend. It's not a very polite way to look at everyone either, because essentially you're saying everyone owes you something until further notice.

    If your argument has any continuity, you're pretty much implying that since liars can't really expect to have a relationship with the best of people, and everyone lies, nobody at all can ever expect the best of partners.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    True, but the reality is if a person is stuck in a hypothetical situation where they would have to choose between being with a terrible person, or a person where they were absolutely alone, 3/4 times they would pick being with that person.
    "In reality" but "if a person is stuck in a hypothetical situation" do not go together. They contradict each other directly. That hypothetical situation is influencing your logic.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    I haven't a phobia or anything. I just believe people try to find the good in failures more in relationships than in any other kind of connection.
    Actually I completely agree with that. But there also exist people who actually find others because of the good in them. I've experienced both.
    Last edited by CSolarstorm; 2nd September 2012 at 11:00 PM.

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  7. #257
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Not that hard if you try:

    "Surveys show that 22% of married men have committed an adulterous act at least once in their life
    14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives
    It is in the younger generation where these values are considerably higher and the numbers of both sexes are closer together"
    Source: http://www.divorcestatistics.info/la...cs-of-usa.html

    Less than a quarter of each gender? I'd say that's not anywhere close to being most long-term relationships. Also, studies show that younger people are more likely to cheat (I've seen this in a number of sociological studies and could link more if you really want me to). I would say most of those relationships don't ever make it to long-term because most of those people aren't interested in anything more than a fling. I don't agree with everything that site says because I think there are a lot of different reasons that people cheat, but the statistics aren't bad.
    "Surveys show that 22% of married men have committed an adulterous act at least once in their life
    14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives
    It is in the younger generation where these values are considerably higher and the numbers of both sexes are closer together"
    Source: http://www.divorcestatistics.info/la...cs-of-usa.html"

    Fair, but again you need to take into the account the realism that I seriously doubt every person that has ever had an adulterous affair has claimed they have whenever they took that petition. That is 22 and 14 percent reported.

    Then we could also get into the legitimacy of the website and this could on forever and get nowhere.

    Oh yes, your relationship will be stellar if you base it on a continuous lie. And go into it with fake faith. You've got it. *sarcasm* Seriously though, you might be able to get away with that just long enough to actually develop a trust for them, but it's debatable whether or not you can develop something genuine in something artificial. And you're in deep trouble if the woman ever finds out, even if you've already developed trust for them.
    I am telling you honestly, the man I am right now, if I don't at least lie about 50% of myself through omission, I'll be dropping dead alone. I promise. That said I really don't develop a genuine attachment with anyone I haven't known for at least half a decade anyways. I just fake my behavior and feelings to actually get somewhere in this world, since social protocol is everything now. That is a little bit of what is it like to be in an autistic mind though.

    In a sense, people need to have a reason to trust someone, but that's not the same as earning their trust. A lot of people actually do respect the people they meet until they give them a reason to lose their respect, because it's not as stressful as seeing everyone on planet earth as the enemy until they do something to indicate they're a friend. It's not a very polite way to look at everyone either, because essentially you're saying everyone owes you something until further notice.

    If your argument has any continuity, you're pretty much implying that since liars can't really expect to have a relationship with the best of people, and everyone lies, nobody at all can ever expect the best of partners. This is just based on a lot of assertions and is pretty much unsupportable.
    I can't really argue with this. I do have a problem where I pick fights with everyone anyways every time they say something I deem stupid. So essentially yes anyone could go from being a respected being to an enemy. I do try to approach people with a bias if I am interested in them.

    "In reality" but "if a person is stuck in a hypothetical situation" do not go together. They contradict each other directly. That hypothetical situation is influencing your logic.
    Sure it can, I am stating if the situation actually happened, that is the probability of how it will play out.

    Actually I completely agree with that. But there also exist people who actually find others because of the good in them. I've experienced both.
    I can agree, I generally don't like absolutes. The only absolute I used was the liar thing, and I'd be hard pressed for you to find a counterexample of that who isn't some completely devoted religious mind.
    Last edited by iFi Salamander; 2nd September 2012 at 11:07 PM.

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  8. #258
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    "Surveys show that 22% of married men have committed an adulterous act at least once in their life
    14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives
    It is in the younger generation where these values are considerably higher and the numbers of both sexes are closer together"
    Source: http://www.divorcestatistics.info/la...cs-of-usa.html"

    Fair, but again you need to take into the account the realism that I seriously doubt every person that has ever had an adulterous affair has claimed they have whenever they took that petition. That is 22 and 14 percent reported.

    Then we could also get into the legitimacy of the website and this could on forever and get nowhere.
    Here's a nice excerpt from Psychology Today:

    "Nonetheless fewer than 5 percent of men and 3 percent of women are statistically unfaithful on a yearly basis according the rigorously controlled General Social Survey (GSS) funded by the National Science Foundation, according to Dr. Tom Smith, director.

    It turns out that the high cheating numbers (of over 50 percent) come from Internet infidelity mavens and a designated cheaters website. In talking with me, W. Bradford Wilcox, Ph.D., Director of the Marriage Project at the University of Virginia reaffirmed his scientific research noting that 22 percent of ever-married men and 14 percent of ever-married women have had an extra-marital affair over the course of their lifetime.

    He said, "Despite the marital misbehavior of a few politicians and athletes, infidelity is becoming less popular, not more popular, in America."

    Reports that claim 50 to 70 percent of men are cheating are basically Internet hype. Prof. Edward O. Laumann, of the University of Chicago, calls the numbers "shock statistics" and self-reported figures from those who answer Internet surveys -- "just nonsense.""

    Source

    I was making a joke about the whole age thing, dude. Don't take things so seriously or your time at sppf will be no fun at all. =P
    Last edited by Pesky Persian; 2nd September 2012 at 11:04 PM.

  9. #259
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Here's a nice excerpt from Psychology Today:

    "Nonetheless fewer than 5 percent of men and 3 percent of women are statistically unfaithful on a yearly basis according the rigorously controlled General Social Survey (GSS) funded by the National Science Foundation, according to Dr. Tom Smith, director.

    It turns out that the high cheating numbers (of over 50 percent) come from Internet infidelity mavens and a designated cheaters website. In talking with me, W. Bradford Wilcox, Ph.D., Director of the Marriage Project at the University of Virginia reaffirmed his scientific research noting that 22 percent of ever-married men and 14 percent of ever-married women have had an extra-marital affair over the course of their lifetime.

    He said, "Despite the marital misbehavior of a few politicians and athletes, infidelity is becoming less popular, not more popular, in America."

    Reports that claim 50 to 70 percent of men are cheating are basically Internet hype. Prof. Edward O. Laumann, of the University of Chicago, calls the numbers "shock statistics" and self-reported figures from those who answer Internet surveys -- "just nonsense.""

    Source

    I was making a joke about the whole age thing, dude. Don't take things so seriously or your time at sppf will be no fun at all. =P
    Maybe I have been spending too much time on the internet. After all that basically is my social life.

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  10. #260

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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyC View Post
    Who says that those are the only two options? It sounds like the reason you want to be forgiving is not because you like being that kind of person, but because you desperately want to avoid being the other kind of person - but you don't even understand what other kind of people there are. Nobody here is that girl that woman that dumps men like the daily paper. Don't confuse that for women and men who have self-esteem and know that they are worth a good partner. You act like asking a partner to have a 100% chance of being faithful (or just politely break up) is some pie-in-the-sky goal. It isn't. Millions of couples do it all the time.

    Pesky Persian, GhostAnime, Mandi, etcetera, aren't reveling in power over having a partner, nor do they want to 'treat them like scum'. Neither are they raging. They're only saying that we all deserve the kind of partner who won't be too lazy to tell you they're having problems with the relationship and go sleep with another person. That's not that much to ask! It only requires them to be honest, communicate with their partner, and not a complete jerk.

    In reality, that one is the kinder approach to seeking a relationship, because they're being absolutely upfront about what they want in a partner. While it seems nice to forgive someone for their transgressions because you're giving them what they want, it actually hurts them, because they get the idea it's okay to do what they did. You're teaching them that they can be a cheater and you'll welcome them back with open arms. If they ever actually break up with you, this person is going to go to another girl and break their heart because of what they learned from you.

    And you can try to claim that you're more fortunate for having a partner, but give it ten years and you'll realize that a bad partner is NOT better than no partner at all.

    I believe in second chances too, but really the only reason for giving someone a second chance is because you love them. There's no rational reason to do it, and the ones you've tried to provide really have painted you as wanting just anyone at all, which would be annoying to those of us who find exceptional individuals and love them for who they are.
    Yeah but the things they say suggest that they are angry with me for not being like they are. They are probably good looking and can get anyone. They could never understand why I feel like I do. That's why they are angry with me because they don't understand. I actually really am a forgiving person to a point where if someone were to try to hurt me physically, I would forgive them because I cannot hold grudges against anyone.

    I can love to. I love who I have, so I want to get that out there before that gets question by the internet as well. Even though I shouldn't care. If I want to take someone back, it's because I love them, end of story and I have every right to.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    They are probably good looking and can get anyone.
    Assumption 1.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    They could never understand why I feel like I do.
    Assumption 2.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    That's why they are angry with me because they don't understand.
    3. Damn girl you on a roll.

    Let us face the facts here, they think it is ridiculous that you aren't cutting your boyfriend in half if he cheats on you, and you are a doormat.

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    I haven't made a woman within a 30 mile radius attracted to me in my entire life of 22 years, and I think you're ridiculous.

    If I want to take someone back, it's because I love them
    "Because I'd be alone" isn't because you love them.

    That is a logical impossibility even for you.
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    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
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    I really do love them. Why the **** is that even being questioned?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    I really do love them. Why the **** is that even being questioned?
    They think you don't actually love them, but just claim you do because you are desperate and maybe unattractive.

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  15. #265

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    They think you don't actually love them, but just claim you do because you are desperate and maybe unattractive.
    Well I do love them so, I have the ability to love like a normal person, thank you very much.
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    No you don't if the reason you love a person is because you won't be alone. That's more self-doubt than love.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

  17. #267

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    You don't know me so you cannot make that assumption. Just because I don't want to be alone doesn't mean I can never love. Now, I am extremely pissed.

    Wait you know what, I don't need to prove myself to you. Seriously.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    You don't know me so you cannot make that assumption. Just because I don't want to be alone doesn't mean I can never love. Now, I am extremely pissed.

    Wait you know what, I don't need to prove myself to you. Seriously.
    I don't think we ever said that.

    Also if you actually get pissed on the internet over what people say about your relationship, you are pretty insecure.

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  19. #269

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    I don't think we ever said that.

    Also if you actually get pissed on the internet over what people say about your relationship, you are pretty insecure.
    Maybe I'm over exaggerating. You're right.

    I'll get defensive if I feel like someone's saying that I can't have normal emotions. That's all. I do apologize for anything I've caused.
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    As good as being as caring as you are is, it leaves you open for a lot of hurt and heartbreak.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DMerle View Post
    As good as being as caring as you are is, it leaves you open for a lot of hurt and heartbreak.
    She comes off pretty fragile to me in all ways.

    "now a fragile girl..."

    And she knows it. You being abused at all?

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    She comes off pretty fragile to me in all ways.

    "now a fragile girl..."

    And she knows it. You being abused at all?
    Only by you, me thinks.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DMerle View Post
    Only by you, me thinks.
    Yeah, that is totally my thing.

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  24. #274

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    She comes off pretty fragile to me in all ways.

    "now a fragile girl..."

    And she knows it. You being abused at all?
    FYI, that's my usertitle because the character in my avatar is fragile. It has nothing to do with me lol
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    Yeah, that is totally my thing.
    I knew it!

    High-five!

    ..anyone, maybe not.

    On another note, has anyone here actually cheated? I'm just curious.

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