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Thread: Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

  1. #326
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    I see.

    I was saying that if that partner doesn't trust you as it is and is controlling why in the hell would you want to break that trust any further by cheating? What's wrong with actually sitting down and working things out?
    Nothing at all. But one need to accept that abusers will abuse. there is nothing to "fix". If a partner cannot trust you when you are doing nothing to warrant the mistrust, you need to find a better partner for you. You work things out Before the violence happens, once it does, game over, move on and start with someone new.

    @iFi, if you are playing a partner, then you aren't really with that partner are you?
    Last edited by Malanu; 13th September 2012 at 3:50 PM.

    So true!

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    No, but enough to know how to play them.
    Sounds like a gigantic red flag for potential abuse, actually.

    For the record, I believe abuse of a spouse is entirely the fault of the abuser, because cheating doesn't justify verbally or physically lashing out. To be fair, some of those relationships are not easy to get out of for various reasons, especially because the victims will be threatened by their spouses if they tell anyone, or they'll continue stringing them along with promises of "I didn't mean it."

    Abuse is a different ballpark, but when it comes to "I slept with someone else because you didn't fulfill me," that's the problem of the one who decides it's a good idea, not the one who had no knowledge of it. Ignorance is no excuse for some things, including the aforementioned abuse ("I didn't realize I was hurting her!"), but for this, there's really no way of knowing until you find out the hard way.


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  3. #328
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    Sounds like a gigantic red flag for potential abuse, actually.
    Naw I am not like that. By play I mean make their irritating quirks more reasonable to deal with in the long run.

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  4. #329
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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    I wouldn't advise cheating on a man who's already shown the potential that he wouldn't hesitate to harm you.

    <_<

    You gotta think this through.
    Golly, it seems as though you may have missed something in my post. Don't worry man, I got your back. Let me just re quote.

    reach mental breakdown
    I was unaware that repeatedly battered women think logically or rationally.

    Thanks for the tip. I'm learning all sorts of new things in this thread.

  5. #330
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    They aren't so completely void of it to the point that the grand majority would actually consider that to be the best thing to do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    They aren't so completely void of it to the point that the grand majority would actually consider that to be the best thing to do.
    I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a vagina, and that you were in an abusive relationship, because that might actually give you leeway to make a claim like that.

    The grand majority of people don't think it's a good idea to go out and shoot someone in broad daylight, yet somehow for mysterious reasons unknown to man, the law takes into account things like your psychological state, mental well being, whether it was a crime of passion, justifiable homicide, etc. If we can give people that fucking killed another human being the benefit of the doubt, I'm pretty sure you can afford that same courtesy to a battered woman who had an extra marital affair. If you can't, well, that says a whole lot.

  7. #332

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    you don't need to have a vagina to be in an abusive relationship or be abused for that matter. :l (if I am misinterpreting your post, please tell me)

    Anyway, battered or not, cheating is cheating. Two wrongs don't make a right. You cannot kill someone because they killed someone you know. You will get the same punishment. Same in this case, you cannot fight pain with even more pain.
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  8. #333
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    you don't need to have a vagina to be in an abusive relationship or be abused for that matter. :l (if I am misinterpreting your post, please tell me)

    Anyway, battered or not, cheating is cheating. Two wrongs don't make a right. You cannot kill someone because they killed someone you know. You will get the same punishment. Same in this case, you cannot fight pain with even more pain.
    You don't need to, no, but reality is that most abusive relationships are that of men being the aggressors toward women. So, to go off making claims about how you know what most abused women do or do not think like, when you have a penis, is pretty stupid. I thought this was common sense.

    I'm glad to know that you're okay with seeing things in a dangerously narrow, black and white view, though.

  9. #334
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    I was unaware that repeatedly battered women think logically or rationally.
    I was unaware any woman thought completely logically and rationally.

    They aren't so completely void of it to the point that the grand majority would actually consider that to be the best thing to do.
    Jesus, somebody has never seen a rape victim.

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  10. #335

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    What are you talking about? Do you want me to give leeway to a woman who cheats JUST because one they are a woman and two they were abused?

    Oh and I'm a girl by the way.
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    Wait wait wait wait.

    I'm not going to equate it 100% to a rape victim.

    I'm not entirely sure what I even said that warranted criticism. It's a bad idea regardless of what tendency the person may have. I can be sympathetic/understanding all I want, but it's still a bad idea. That's all I said.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

  12. #337
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    What are you talking about? Do you want me to give leeway to a woman who cheats JUST because one they are a woman and two they were abused?
    This is America damn it. Women always are right in court.

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  13. #338

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    This is America damn it. Women always are right in court.
    how could i forget? lol
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    What are you talking about? Do you want me to give leeway to a woman who cheats JUST because one they are a woman and two they were abused?

    Oh and I'm a girl by the way.
    I am talking about how it is silly for men, who are not likely to be abused in relationships, to make comments about how abused women do or do not think. What about that is confusing for you? No, I do not want you to give "leeway" to a woman for cheating just because she's a woman. I am asking that you not make black and white moral judgements and or condemnations when the situation is not as clear cut to warrant such things.

    Oh and I'm a girl by the way.
    Captivating.

    Wait wait wait wait.

    I'm not going to equate it 100% to a rape victim.

    I'm not entirely sure what I even said that warranted criticism. It's a bad idea regardless of what tendency the person may have. I can be sympathetic/understanding all I want, but it's still a bad idea. That's all I said.
    Well duh. Ofcourse it's still a bad idea. That isn't what I'm talking about, or what we even were talking about. Labeling something a "bad idea" is different from making a moral judgement against the person.

    Do you equate the woman who slept with a person outside of her marriage, because she thinks her husband isn't man enough to please her anymore, with the woman who slept with a person outside of her marriage because she's vulnerable, needy, and had a strong psychological need for intimacy and affection, due to being consistently abused? If the answer is "no" we're good. If the answer is "yes" you're a dick.
    Last edited by Dryzera; 13th September 2012 at 9:59 PM.

  15. #340
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    The answer is no of course.

    But I'm not entirely sure where all of this even arose from.. >_> I just said it was a bad idea.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

  16. #341
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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    The answer is no of course.

    But I'm not entirely sure where all of this even arose from.. >_> I just said it was a bad idea.
    You stated an idea on the internet, you know what that means. This is how people act when they have other peoples words in verbatim sitting right in front of them. This is why I like arguing in real life better.

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  17. #342
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    I don't really know to be honest. Looking back, you did just say it was a bad idea. I think I was just directing my general ire with other comments, made by other posters toward you. You got caught in cross-hairs. Oops.

    I will address some of those other posts now.

    Yes. I am sorry to say but it is your fault. You choose to stay married to an abusive bastage. You choose following your heart(not a bad thing for the most part), You choose to break your vow to the abusive scumbag.. Who when he finds out will have yet another excuse to beat you to death. There is no good reason to cheat.

    You break up or divorce BEFORE moving on. More important, if you have the moral high ground, you are entitled to more in a divorce! I'm a husband, I know full well how that works!
    It's my fault for choosing to stay with someone abusive? What if I'm pretty low on the socio-economic ladder dude? Divorces cost money. Do you think all women that choose to stay with their abusive husbands are really just a bunch of dumb bitches, and if they're too stupid to get out, they deserve what's coming to them? Sometimes a woman has nowhere else to go, especially if there is kids involved. What's better, staying with your abusive husband, or being a single mom out on the streets? Personally, I'll take a few more beatings before I'd allow my own children to starve.

    So then, who's fault is it when you get beat again? The mans? Causation is not justification.
    I think it's always your fault for beating another human being, and that there is no excuse to ever beat anyone, but that's because I'm not a terrible person. Sorry we don't see eye to eye on this one, bro.

    To recap, I believe that cheating is wrong, most of the time. In rare and special cases, such as a woman that's being abused, I believe that the act is excusable and that it is not fair to make a black and white moralistic judgement against a person in such a situation. Yes, it is still a "bad idea" but that's not really what's at the heart of this discussion. We are debating about whether cheating is wrong. Something being a bad idea is a far cry from it being a moral affront.
    Last edited by Dryzera; 13th September 2012 at 10:46 PM.

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    Can I just step this conversation back and address one thing? It's not that men aren't as likely to get abused in a relationship. There are plenty of men who end up being the abused. It's more that most men who are abused aren't willing to come out and say they're abused.

    But you are right that an abused person can sometimes have trouble getting out of a bad relationship. Some of them will refuse help, some of them are so beaten down that they don't feel like they deserve to leave, some of them are just afraid. It's a really sad situation. Some of them can get away, some can get out of it at the early signs (verbal/emotional abuse), but not all of them. I don't really know what to say about people in abusive relationships cheating. It's kind of a moral grey area.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Can I just step this conversation back and address one thing? It's not that men aren't as likely to get abused in a relationship. There are plenty of men who end up being the abused. It's more that most men who are abused aren't willing to come out and say they're abused.
    It is really a testosterone/estrogen thing. That is why only 10% of rape victims are male, and 90% are female. It is the male goal to preserve dominance and pride, hence a man would be more embarrassed or negligent to come out and say it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    It is really a testosterone/estrogen thing. That is why only 10% of rape victims are male, and 90% are female. It is the male goal to preserve dominance and pride, hence a man would be more embarrassed or negligent to come out and say it.
    Do you have source that says male gender stereotypes are testosterone related? Society tells men they're supposed to be tough and dominant. It's emasculating to admit to being beaten by a woman.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dryzera View Post


    It's my fault for choosing to stay with someone abusive? What if I'm pretty low on the socio-economic ladder dude? Divorces cost money. Do you think all women that choose to stay with their abusive husbands are really just a bunch of dumb bitches,
    Why yes, yes I do.

    and if they're too stupid to get out, they deserve what's coming to them?
    Of course not, but that doesn't mean they are without blame.

    Sometimes a woman has nowhere else to go, especially if there is kids involved. What's better, staying with your abusive husband, or being a single mom out on the streets?
    There are friends, family and if neither of those are available, there are plenty of shelters and available programs. Either way, getting your kids as far away from that environment is by far the best for them. But this is really bordering on another debate so I'll cut it there.


    What I've gathered from the last few pages is an attempt to justify irrational thought. I can't say I agree with that.
    Last edited by ChedWick; 15th September 2012 at 2:05 AM.
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  22. #347
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    Do you have source that says male gender stereotypes are testosterone related? Society tells men they're supposed to be tough and dominant. It's emasculating to admit to being beaten by a woman.
    I could easily find one, I can't see why you would openly challenge well known medical facts about testosterone, estrogen, and their hormonal effects on the body.

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  23. #348
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    [QUOTE=ChedWick;15104890]
    Quote Originally Posted by Dryzera View Post


    It's my fault for choosing to stay with someone abusive? What if I'm pretty low on the socio-economic ladder dude? Divorces cost money. Do you think all women that choose to stay with their abusive husbands are really just a bunch of dumb bitches,


    Why yes, yes I do.



    Of course not, but that doesn't mean they are without blame.



    There are friends, family and if neither of those are available, there are plenty of shelters and available programs. Either way, getting your kids as far away from that environment is by far the best for them. But this is really bordering on another debate so I'll cut it there.


    What I've gathered from the last few pages is an attempt to justify irrational thought. I can't say I agree with that.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Do you have source that says male gender stereotypes are testosterone related? Society tells men they're supposed to be tough and dominant. It's emasculating to admit to being beaten by a woman.
    His source is the same pseudoscientific evo-psych bs that the internet loves to use to tell women to get back in the kitchen.
    It's the patriarchy. The patriarchy hurts men too.

    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    I could easily find one, I can't see why you would openly challenge well known medical facts about testosterone, estrogen, and their hormonal effects on the body.
    Not all men and women have the same levels of estrogen and testosterone. It's a good generalization but breaks down along individual lines. And regardless of which hormones you may have, self-preservation is human nature. Going against the instinct for self-preservation (i.e. staying with a woman who abuses you) has nothing to do with "being a [biological] man" and everything to do with "being a [patriarchally acceptable] man."
    Last edited by kochoupink; 13th September 2012 at 11:46 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by iFi Salamander View Post
    I could easily find one, I can't see why you would openly challenge well known medical facts about testosterone, estrogen, and their hormonal effects on the body.
    If you could easily give me a source that says testosterone won't allow men to admit to emasculating events, I'd love to see it.

    High testosterone could lead to a propensity for violence, which explains why more men commit violent crimes. It does not, however, show why men are less likely to admit to being the victim. That is societal.

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    His source is the same pseudoscientific evo-psych bs that the internet loves to use to tell women to get back in the kitchen.
    It's the patriarchy. The patriarchy hurts men too.
    The two chemicals are what make our genetic makeup and differentiate male from female. Denying this and chemical traits just makes you an blatant ignorant idiot.

    If you could easily give me a source that says testosterone won't allow men to admit to emasculating events, I'd love to see it.

    High testosterone could lead to a propensity for violence, which explains why more men commit violent crimes. It does not, however, show why men are less likely to admit to being the victim. That is societal.
    Of course society plays a role, but those stereotypes and gender roles placed by society don't appear into thin air for no reason.

    Anyways testosterone affects the desire for dominance, and the counter reaction of others trying to claim dominance. This is why you more commonly see two males challenging each other in contest. This is where these barriers came to exist.
    Last edited by iFi Salamander; 13th September 2012 at 11:51 PM.

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