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Thread: Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

  1. #401
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    I detest people who cheat.
    If they really want another boy-/girlfriend they should just break up with their main one.
    Having 2 boy-/girlfriends just isn't right.
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  2. #402
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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    Depends on what kind of force the partner is applying I suppose.

    But I can't imagine a scenario where cheating is the best solution. Understanding emotions aside and depending on the coercing, cheating would make someone who used coercion even more angry and hurt. If you are physically forced or abuse to stay in a relationship, just tell somebody. Don't drag another person into the drama.
    It doesn't necessarily need to be 'Physical' abuse. Psychological abuse can sometimes be just as horrid as Physical.

    I agree that it isn't the best solution, but it may feel like the only option for some people if they're being emotionally or physically abused (to whatever degree). They may have no one to talk to, or struggle to talk to the people that they do have. They may have tried to break it off, but were pressured into staying. Do you think then the blame lies on the cheater, the abuser or are both at fault?

    I don't think all situations are simply black and white - there are occasions where more then just the fact they cheated has to be taken into account.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucario01 View Post
    I detest people who cheat.
    If they really want another boy-/girlfriend they should just break up with their main one.
    Having 2 boy-/girlfriends just isn't right.
    True, however it hurts the other ones feelings.

  4. #404
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    I would say both would receive blame.

    Although I don't think it's necessarily looking at it as black and white if I say cheating is never acceptable. There's a difference between saying it's understandable and then saying it's acceptable.

    There are very few real life situations I can picture that would make it acceptable (like the scenario you described), but more than half the time, it's really the individual cheater to actually decide to cheat.

    You can call me biased if you want (as I've experienced it first-hand), but on the topic of cheating as a single thing, it's wrong. Stealing is wrong by itself, but if a guy is robbing a church to save his son from cancer, am I going to change my viewpoint on that.. in any significant way?

    I guess... I really wouldn't.
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  5. #405
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richarizard View Post
    Very true - but at what point would you deem a relationship committed? And what if one person is more so than the other, does that constitute as a committed relationship?
    Uh, whenever the people in the relationship say so? Most partners at some point or other decide whether or not they're monogamous, and even if they don't officially say it, one would generally assume so at a certain point.

    Quote Originally Posted by Richarizard View Post
    There's also the consideration of people feeling trapped in a relationship. If the emotions aren't mutual between both people, but one feels too pressured to be able to call it off - they may end up cheating. But who would be in the wrong here? The person who cheated, or the one making the other feel like they cannot leave?
    Both are in the wrong. Simple enough.


    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    Depends on what kind of force the partner is applying I suppose.

    But I can't imagine a scenario where cheating is the best solution.
    No, cheating is never the solution to a problem, but I don't think people see it as such. Maybe they see it as a way to make a tough situation more bearable, but that's about it. If it's any kind of solution, it's a temporary one, like if the individual is looking for a bit of excitement, or just needs to get off. I don't think anyone will really argue otherwise.

    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    Understanding emotions aside and depending on the coercing, cheating would make someone who used coercion even more angry and hurt. If you are physically forced or abuse to stay in a relationship, just tell somebody. Don't drag another person into the drama.
    Unfortunately, that can often be easier said than done. In a relationship with coercion, physical force or any other abuse, you can also expect to see threatening. If you're told "if you leave me or go for help, I'll do x" then the fear can stop you dead in your tracks. Rationale is replaced by instincts to do anything to prevent retaliation.

    So yes, cheating on that kind of person is obviously a stupid move, because cheating is never a smart move to begin with. But unfortunately, often getting help isn't an option, either.


    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    I would say both would receive blame.

    Although I don't think it's necessarily looking at it as black and white if I say cheating is never acceptable. There's a difference between saying it's understandable and then saying it's acceptable.
    Pretty much agreed with all this.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Richarizard View Post
    Very true - but at what point would you deem a relationship committed? And what if one person is more so than the other, does that constitute as a committed relationship?

    There's also the consideration of people feeling trapped in a relationship. If the emotions aren't mutual between both people, but one feels too pressured to be able to call it off - they may end up cheating. But who would be in the wrong here? The person who cheated, or the one making the other feel like they cannot leave?
    Glad to see that evene after all this time away... Nothings changes.

    Committed relationships are just that when both partners stop all "extra curricular activities" and devote their efforts to teh one relationship. If one partner is "less committed" then the relationship will probably fail fail so the relationship isn't' a committed relationship. Feeling of being trapped is not a committed relationship because if you feel trapped you don't have a committed heart.

    The Cheater is always in the wrong. Breaking trust is never the moral high ground.

    So true!

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    Here's another question that has to do with cheating. Do you think one partner has the right to violate the others privacy to "catch" him or her cheating?

    My answer is: hell no. There's alot of spy cams and even computer programs where you can crack passwords and bank account passwords. You can even listen to phone conversations. No one has a right to violate someone else's privacy (well unless if your a parent and you know.... child) and this is no exception.
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  8. #408
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    Ok my best friends mom was cheated on.
    She remarried.
    The guy she remarried was cheated on as well.
    so now both his parents have been cheated on.
    idk what the point of this is but i'll put it out there.
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  9. #409
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    In my English Class, we are finishing up the Scarlet Letter, which I feel should be mentioned.

    The character Hester Prynn cheats on her Husband, who forced a marriage. She didn't love him, and what he did (arranging the marriage) was pretty cruel. She had an affair with the minister, and in turn had a baby. The point made by Nathaniel Hawthorne is, was this 'adulterous scandal' justified?

    I feel like it was. I felt like, since he had committed a 'sin', she had every right to give in to her pressure. She showed her husband, and he deserved it. I don't know, sometimes, it feels like people deserve it?

  10. #410

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rayce View Post
    In my English Class, we are finishing up the Scarlet Letter, which I feel should be mentioned.

    The character Hester Prynn cheats on her Husband, who forced a marriage. She didn't love him, and what he did (arranging the marriage) was pretty cruel. She had an affair with the minister, and in turn had a baby. The point made by Nathaniel Hawthorne is, was this 'adulterous scandal' justified?

    I feel like it was. I felt like, since he had committed a 'sin', she had every right to give in to her pressure. She showed her husband, and he deserved it. I don't know, sometimes, it feels like people deserve it?
    I've read the story before and she had to wear a scarlett letter A right?

    I don't think it was justified. I mean yeah back in the day, divorce wasn't really an option and there were people who were forced to marry but speaking in a modern sense, there's really no excuse to cheat.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Here's another question that has to do with cheating. Do you think one partner has the right to violate the others privacy to "catch" him or her cheating?

    My answer is: hell no. There's alot of spy cams and even computer programs where you can crack passwords and bank account passwords. You can even listen to phone conversations. No one has a right to violate someone else's privacy (well unless if your a parent and you know.... child) and this is no exception.
    If you got caught cheating, and you complain about being spied on, you're an *******. Enough said.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    If you got caught cheating, and you complain about being spied on, you're an *******. Enough said.
    There is the other side of that however, what if turns out the person who was being spied on WASNT cheating? Could you blame the person for having no trust in the person being spied on, and is as bad if the other person HAD cheated?

    Spying is pretty much a gamble in that respect.

    All in all, I find cheating to be a very childish thing, not because of the cheating itself but because it can be easily avoided. Not happy with the girl/guy you're with now?
    Just. Come. OUT with it. Dear lord people make it such an issue which is why i find it so childish. Ive even heard arguments that breaking up makes the person wanting to break up an ***hole but that just pants on head retarded. It makes you more of an ***hole to keep it going when there is no love in the relationship, BECAUSE THATS WHAT ITS FOR. Its not a contract like some people make it out to be, its a damn commitment you make to some one you love. If the love is not there, theres no longer a point to dragging out the inevitable.

    That and NTR is a *****. No one wants to be NTR'd

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Here's another question that has to do with cheating. Do you think one partner has the right to violate the others privacy to "catch" him or her cheating?
    This often entails things that go about as far over the proverbial line as the act of cheating itself, like stalking, reading emails, being controlling... So I'd say no, because those aren't things that should be encouraged or excused any more than adultery itself, really.


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  14. #414
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    It depends on whether the person had grounds to spy on the other in the first place.

    And what's NTR?
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuboy View Post
    Quick, someone get the scientific community onto this one! A truly brilliant hypothesis that would have been insofar overlooked by every researcher who has contributed to this field of science. And it's only 8th grade stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Zero
    I roam Johto with my partner Pokemon, Rattata, who knows Hyper Fang, Sunny Day, Rock Smash and Cut. Anyone who runs with more than one Pokemon or evolves their Pokemon takes the game way too seriously.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GhostAnime View Post
    And what's NTR?
    Short for netorare, its a japanese term.

    Thats the most ill go into it. Rather not mention more of it here. If you want to know more google it. Also, as a precaution bear in mind the term is nsfw.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaiserin View Post
    This often entails things that go about as far over the proverbial line as the act of cheating itself, like stalking, reading emails, being controlling... So I'd say no, because those aren't things that should be encouraged or excused any more than adultery itself, really.
    Wow someone agrees lol

    Yeah, I find those things to be laughable and to be connected to those who are afraid to let their partner have a social life outside of them.
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  17. #417
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    Anyone who is controlling and willing to invade their partner's privacy has issues, imo.


    Quote Originally Posted by The renegade View Post
    Short for netorare, its a japanese term.

    Thats the most ill go into it. Rather not mention more of it here. If you want to know more google it. Also, as a precaution bear in mind the term is nsfw.
    The English word for this is "cuckold," which is a man whose partner committed adultery. (The term for a female victim is "cuckquean.") Cuckoldry was actually a very popular theme in English literature and plays, many of which were comedies. In fact, often the protagonist of the story would be the person doing the cuckolding. The reader/audience often wouldn't be made to feel pity for the cuckold, especially since they would often "have it coming" in the story.

    This isn't a popular theme anymore, though it is interesting to know that it lives on through this netorare. (I'm not really sure how the concept itself is any more NSFW than the rest of the conversation, though.)


    It's also worth considering that this is also a fetish, and that there are people who are aroused by the idea of their significant other cheating on them. That said, in my opinion it doesn't sound like actual cheating if it's consensual and both partners agree on doing it. The cuckold can still feel humiliated (which is part of the excitement for many), but if they agreed to have their significant other have sex with another person, the significant other isn't, by definition, cheating. :P

    That's how I see it, anyway. Food for thought.

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    There are even commercials for cheating on your partner these days. People usually don't like to be betrayed, so don't cheat if you don't want to be cheated on yourself. My former girlfriend cheated on me and confessed. She wasn't drunk, she was asked if she had a boyfriend three times and she still agreed. From that moment on i decided that i would never cheat on any girl i would date.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    The English word for this is "cuckold," which is a man whose partner committed adultery. (The term for a female victim is "cuckquean.") Cuckoldry was actually a very popular theme in English literature and plays, many of which were comedies. In fact, often the protagonist of the story would be the person doing the cuckolding. The reader/audience often wouldn't be made to feel pity for the cuckold, especially since they would often "have it coming" in the story.
    Ah, I forgot there was an english term for this. NTR does go a bit more in depth than that though, and can be decribed more as a feeling rather than a circumstance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    (I'm not really sure how the concept itself is any more NSFW than the rest of the conversation, though.)
    Its heavily associated with ero works in japan. If any one must, it would be best not to google image the term around company atleast.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    It's also worth considering that this is also a fetish, and that there are people who are aroused by the idea of their significant other cheating on them. That said, in my opinion it doesn't sound like actual cheating if it's consensual and both partners agree on doing it. The cuckold can still feel humiliated (which is part of the excitement for many), but if they agreed to have their significant other have sex with another person, the significant other isn't, by definition, cheating. :P
    It usually still works within media anyways. One can still have that feeling of betrayal from a fictional story involving this concept. Once again though its usually only within japanese ero works, but regardless its still a prominent fetish in that respect.

  20. #420

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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    Anyone who is controlling and willing to invade their partner's privacy has issues, imo.
    Which is why Cheaters makes me laugh everytime. XD

    But yeah, even in modern times, I've seen people, girls in particular, being overly controlling on who their partners could hang out with and be friends with. I mean, why should your partner stop being friends with a certain person because *YOU* don't like them?
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    ok even the term "cheating" has a bad connotation to it. "Hey mom I just cheated on my test today" "Great joey!" no.... it's wrong. It is really rare that someone can love more than one person: and by that I don't mean it's right. think about being in the other persons place. would u like to be "the other girl/guy?" would u like to share your partner with someone else? no. ppl r selfish.... Im a jealous person. Plus, it's dishonest (unless u openly say, hey I have another gf which I dont think ppl would do....), it shows ur level of character, and in marital situations, destroys your family and basically gives your kids permission to go ahead and do it. seriously.... So it's not right.


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    Quote Originally Posted by BurningWhiteKyurem View Post
    1) Biological Aspect: There is no denying it, look at the animal world, it has been constructed in such a way that male animals "spread their seed" to just about any female mates in order to maintain continuity of their species. Now we can argue as many times about how Humans are better than animals, but the point still remains, we are a part of nature and nature controls the way in which populations are maintained. I'm not saying everyone is predisposed to it, but it helps in understanding the act to some degree.
    I'd just like to inform you that there are animals, numerous species in fact, that mate for life and only have one mate. Coyotes for example have only one mate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The renegade View Post
    Ah, I forgot there was an english term for this. NTR does go a bit more in depth than that though, and can be decribed more as a feeling rather than a circumstance.
    Really? I don't anything about the subject aside from what I found from a quick Google search, so can you elaborate?

    Quote Originally Posted by The renegade View Post
    It usually still works within media anyways. One can still have that feeling of betrayal from a fictional story involving this concept. Once again though its usually only within japanese ero works, but regardless its still a prominent fetish in that respect.
    Huh, interesting. It sounds like the point and feelings that are associated with netorare are very different from those of cuckoldry when we talk about the fetishization of it. Mainly, from what I understand, because the thrill of literally having one's partner cheat on them is more about humiliation, whereas watching netorare is more about provoking jealousy. (Also, we do seem to be talking about having it happen in your life VS just watching/reading about it.)


    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    Which is why Cheaters makes me laugh everytime. XD

    But yeah, even in modern times, I've seen people, girls in particular, being overly controlling on who their partners could hang out with and be friends with. I mean, why should your partner stop being friends with a certain person because *YOU* don't like them?
    Eh, I've also seen plenty of guys do this, to the extent where "I don't want you being around friends of the opposite sex." I've also spoken to guys in a relationship who want to have sex with another girl, but would never want their female partner to have sex with another guy, so it's not just a girl thing. Either way, jealous types baffle me.


    Quote Originally Posted by BearTown View Post
    It is really rare that someone can love more than one person: and by that I don't mean it's right.
    Is it that rare to love more than one person at once? Have you never read a book or seen a movie or tv show or video game with a love triangle, where someone has to choose between two people they care deeply about? It's been a common theme throughout history because we're human. I'd say it's less that it's "not right" and more that it isn't fair to the objects of affection.

    Quote Originally Posted by BearTown View Post
    think about being in the other persons place. would u like to be "the other girl/guy?" would u like to share your partner with someone else? no. ppl r selfish.... Im a jealous person. Plus, it's dishonest (unless u openly say, hey I have another gf which I dont think ppl would do....), it shows ur level of character,
    Not everyone is jealous like you, so don't project your own feelings onto the rest of the world. There are people who have been and still are in perfectly happy polyamorous relationships. If you don't like the idea of polyamory, then don't get involved in it. A proper polyamorous relationship is honest, after all, and there is nothing wrong with people who are in one.


    Quote Originally Posted by BearTown View Post
    and in marital situations, destroys your family and basically gives your kids permission to go ahead and do it. seriously.... So it's not right.
    Uh, what? If anything, cheating hurts the kids, and therefore the kids will be less likely to do it because they have some understanding of the feeling of betrayal it results in.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    Uh, what? If anything, cheating hurts the kids, and therefore the kids will be less likely to do it because they have some understanding of the feeling of betrayal it results in.


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    yeah i mentioned my friend who has had both parents cheated on. he is so repulsed by that he didnt want to see the hunger games cuz katniss ended up with you know who (im not here to give spoilers)
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    I don't see cheating on your spouse as morally right. Even if you have permission (the movie Hall Pass), you're still violating the sacred vow that YOU made to that other person. Now, I'm not religious, but a promise is a promise, not matter who you make it to. Cheating is lying to your spous that you would remain ever faithful. Don't even dare point to biological needs either. You have a brain that can control your instincts. Use your brain.

    But Ifyou still end up cheating, please confess it to your spouse for my amusement on the Jerry Springer Show please.

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