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Thread: Rate a joke, tell a joke!

  1. #26
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    6/10 Mighty boosh FTW

    My Pokemon collection was destroyed in a fire.
    I've only got Ash now.
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  2. #27
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    5/10

    Daughter: I bought you a Mother's Day gift!

    Mother: Aww, what is it?

    Daughter: It's a mug saying "Best Grandma Ever!"

    Mother: ... But I'm not a grandmother.

    Daughter: ... Suprise!

  3. #28
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    8/10

    My new sofa has just arrived... *Hand wash only* reads one of the tags.

    I was literally seconds away from hauling this new sofa into the washing machine. Thank god you warned me.
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  4. #29
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    8/10 xD

    When you hate someone, everything they do gets on your nerves.

    LOOK AT DAT B****, BREATHING THE FRESH AIR LIKE SHE OWNS THE PLACE.

  5. #30
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    8/10

    "Secret Services should be less secret" says some government bod.
    We're hardly going to scare terrorists off with "Slightly Vague Services" though.
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  6. #31
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    5/10

    A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

    ah , what an unsightly existence ! / illustration : cyawa

  7. #32
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    6/10

    A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

    After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

    Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

    The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.

    The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

    By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

    The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.

    The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,

    "He should've quit while he was a head!"

  8. #33
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    8/10

    A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"The horse replies, "I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the guy on my back."
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  9. #34
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    8/10

    A couple has three daughters. One day, their first daughter walks up to her mother and asks, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"
    "When you were little, I dropped a rose on your head in the garden," the mother answers.
    Soon, the second daughter walks up to her mother and asks, "Mom, why did you name me Tulip?"
    Similar to the first, the mom answers, "When you were little, I dropped a tulip on your head in the garden."
    Then the third daughter appraoches her mother and says," Durr...Raglflagl?!?!?"
    The mom replies, "Be quiet, Cinderblock!"



        Spoiler:- credit:


  10. #35
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    9/10

    I saw a detergant advert that claimed to be twice as better than the leading brand.

    I thought, if you're so much better than the leading brand... why aren't you the leading brand?
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  11. #36
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    8/10, I've wondered that too.

    3 blondes walk into a building. They could've at least opened the door...

    Yeah, stupid. I know xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghirahim
    You have awoken an anguish that will burn for eons...

  12. #37
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    7/10

    I can't see an end.
    I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.

        Spoiler:- :
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  13. #38
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    Hahah, 9/10

    What's brown and sticky?
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    A stick.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghirahim
    You have awoken an anguish that will burn for eons...

  14. #39
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    6/10

    Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak in the middle of winter. They were getting pretty chilly, so they attempted to light a fire in the kayak; however, the flames burnt a hole in the bottom, and both Eskimos drowned. Just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    Friend Safari - Bug with Butterfree/Volbeat/Vivillon - PM me for my FC!
        Spoiler:- Shiny hunting stuff:


  15. #40
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    4/10. Sorry, didn't find it funny. :/

    Aww, I just had an 'I love you more fight!'

    Too bad it was with Cleverbot.

  16. #41
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    7/10 Who's Cleverbot again?

    Little Jhonny was sitting at the table doing his homework. His mother decided to watch.
    Jhonny: 5+6, that son of a b*tch is 11. 6+4, that son of a b*tch is 10.
    Mother: Jhonny! Where did you hear that from!
    Jhonny: Are teacher taught us.
    Furious, the mother called the teacher and demanded to meet her. When they met, she faced the teacher and apoke.
    Mother: My son was doing his math homework, and I heard him say 5+6, that son of a b*tch is 11. Can you explain to me why?!
    The teacher just laughed.
    Teacher: It's 5+6, the sum of witch is 11!
    Math, the given to swear while doing homework.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghirahim
    You have awoken an anguish that will burn for eons...

  17. #42
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    7/10

    I was at a pub quiz and the one of the questions in the gaming category was 'What is the 132nd Pokemon?'.

    I said to my mate 'I have no idea'
    He said 'Ditto'

    Useless person.
    The most Superior Snivy. Left, good time here though. I loved this place.

  18. #43
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    6.5/10

    Now 99% of teens hate me, because of my love for Justin Bieber.

    But I'll Never Say Never, Baby!

    ah , what an unsightly existence ! / illustration : cyawa

  19. #44
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    5/10

    A lady was late for her friend's wedding and was going WAY over the speed limit.
    Well she got pulled over.
    The cop said,''Miss, you were going 55 over the speed limit!''
    She explained the situation to the cop, and to apologize, gave him some Chocolate Chip cookies.
    The Cop let her off with a warning.

    25 miles later, she got pulled over again.
    ,"But sir, I wasn't speeding!''
    The cop said,"I know, but i heard you were giving out some great chocolate chip cookies.''





  20. #45
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    8/10

    "You can do this... Stay strong!... Don't leave me."

    I whispered to my Wi-Fi signal.

  21. #46
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    5/10

    Jesus was on the cross and he said "Peter, Peter come here!". So Peter ran to Jesus but the guards punched him, kicked him and knocked him back into the crowd. Jesus once again said "Peter, Peter come here!". So Peter once again ran to Jesus but the guards punched him, kicked him and knocked him back into the crowd. Jesus once again said "Peter, Peter come here!". Peter then managed to bust through the guards bleeding and exhausted and asked "what is it?". Jesus then said "I can see your house from here".
    Last edited by Steven Curran; 24th August 2012 at 8:21 PM.
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  22. #47
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    4/10 I honestly didn't get it.

    Google : i know everything
    Facebook : i know everyone
    internet : without me you're nothing!
    electricity : hey guys

  23. #48
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    How can you not get it? Its not rocket science.
    4/10 meh
    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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  24. #49
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    8/10, pretty good. And that reminds me of this one...

    A man was walking along one day when he stumbled upon a magic lamp. When he rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared and said, "For your kindness in releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you three wishes. However, I should warn you that whatever you wish for, I must also give double to your mother-in-law."

    The man pondered this for a moment; he hated his mother-in-law, but he knew this opportunity was too good to pass up. He said, "Okay, my first wish is for a million dollars." The genie nodded, and used his magic powers to transfer the sum into the man's bank account, while also depositing twice as much into his mother-in-law's account.

    When this was done, the man said, "My second wish is for a huge mansion." The genie instantly replaced the man's home with a lavish 10,000-square-foot mansion, complete with furnishings, while giving the man's mother-in-law twice as big of a home.

    When this was done, the genie said, "Now what is to be your third wish?" The man thought about this for quite a long time before replying:

    "I want you to beat me half to death."

    Friend Safari - Bug with Butterfree/Volbeat/Vivillon - PM me for my FC!
        Spoiler:- Shiny hunting stuff:


  25. #50
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    7/10

    Cannibalism jokes are always in bad taste.




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