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Thread: A Flygon's Journal (PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Default A Flygon's Journal (PG-15)

    The following chapter is rated PG-15 (I'd slap an Australian M, but whatever, Americans are Americans) due to suggestive language and behavior.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Chapter 1: She fell out of the sky like an airplane.

    It was a hot day.

    Then again, it is always a hot day is the desert, the searing sun warming my body as it soars through the air, the very same air barely cooling my green and red wings. With enough observation, you could assume that I am hunting for food.

    I scanned the ground, perhaps for a cactus or a head exhausted creature to eat. It’s too much to try and kill something that’s mobile in this heat; we would both end up dying.

    A few more minutes of flying and I finally see my catch, if you wish to call it so. A 6 foot tall cactus, it’s a thick one too. Plenty of nutritional goodness for any flying desert creature. Not that they had the best taste in the world, but who’s complaining. I glide down to in front of it, quickly landing myself upright onto the ground, whipping up the sand in the process, completely obscuring my vision. As the sand settles I stare at the cactus for no apparent reason, it’s always been a procedure that I would perform, stare at the cactus and just... think. Does the cactus feel anything, as it done anything useful in its life?

    A short gust of wind of wind brought me out of my trance; I began the usual procedure, smashing my tail into the base of the cactus. I swang my body around, flailing the middle of my tail right through the base of the cactus, leaving a large dent in it, the prickles not even denting to the rock hard scales. With a crash the cactus falls to its side, leaving a 9 inch tall stump as the remains. Both ends of the smash oozing out some odd smelling liquid, I learned to ignore it after a while. I sit down next to the remains, feeling the hot sand all over my lower half, again, something I learned to ignore. I dig into the base and bring out some mush, for the lack of better term and stuff it in my mouth, letting the sour flavour go over my tongue. It’s a good thing I like sour food.

    I kept this up for several minutes; I doubted I would be able to find anything else before the impending sandstorm so I had to fill up now. I just had this feeling that something was going to happen, it’s hard to describe. However, not even the desert is this simple, as I was eating a sudden boom happened behind he, perhaps not the most descriptive word for a sound, imagine a rock hitting some sand, now multiply that multiple times. A large rain of hot sand fell all over me a split second later, covering my while body.

    I stood up and shook off the sand, hearing a large groan I turn around. Whatever crashed was alive.

    “Is anyone there?” I yelled. I received another groan in response.

    I climbed up the sand mound, having been shifted by the force of the crash it was made ever so slightly steeper, not a kind thing to happen when you are rushing up a shifting pile of sand.

    As I finally reached the top of the shifting pile of sand I could see why it was so loud, a fully grown Dragonite was lying there impaled into the sand bruised from the crash, arms flailing trying to remove its head from the sand. I quickly ran to the head and dug the sand off, pulling the head out. I was greeted by gasping of air.

    “It felt like an oven in there!”
    She said gasping for air, sure, I was making assumptions based on what the voice sounded like but they usually work. She looked at me, simply to follow up with four words any man would love to hear, “...Why hello there sexy! So you are the man that rescued me?”

    I blushed from the compliment, “Who else? Are you able to get up?”

    “I think so, it’s just a few bruises, nothing to cry over.”
    She said, attempting to stand up, nearly falling forwards, if not for me just catching her. “Oh, and strong!”

    “Are you quite sure you can walk?” I asked, I wasn’t quite sure I would be able to carry her bulk, heck, she was at least a foot taller than me!

    “Oh? For you? Anything.”
    She said, regaining her balance. “Thanks for saving me! I wouldn’t know how to repay you!”

    “Don’t worry, something interesting actually happening in this desert is payment enough.”

    She giggled at the statement, “So what’s a hot man like you doing in the middle of a hot desert like this?”

    “I could say the same to you.”
    This made her giggle again, “I’m just finding food to eat, speaking of which, are you hungry?”

    “Knowing how far I’ve flown?”

    I motioned her to follow me, walking back down the hill, struggling to grip for ground on the somewhat steep slope. I could only guess how far she’d have flown to cause her to crash in such a spectacular fashion. When I reached the bottom of the hill I saw the female slide down the sand, I gave my face an imaginary slap, why didn’t I think of that.

    “Just simply eat from its inside, the outside has too many spikes to bother going through them.” I informed her.

    “Thanks, you sure you aren’t finished with it?”

    “You’re the one that just crashed.”

    “Good point.” And with that, she started going at the cactus.

    She bent over, showing off her butt. ‘She has a nice ass’ I caught myself thinking, I shook the thought out of my head and lay on my back, enjoying the feeling of the warm sand. I stared up into the sky wondering just how a dragon could fall from it. Perhaps she flew through the sandstorm? Perhaps the heat just exhausted her? I kept pondering on the issue, relaxing even more, the warmth felt good.

    I had nearly fallen asleep until I was pounced onto, opening my eyes and gasping in surprise, to be greeted with a face covered in slime. Her whole body pressing against mine.

    “You could have just used your hands.”

    She giggled, “I prefer this position.”

    “I meant the cactus.”

    “Where is the fun in that?” She had a good point there.

    “Mind removing yourself off me? I’d like to get us to a better location.”

    “Why not right here, right now?”

    “No no no, I mean, a sandstorm has been brewing for quite a while now. I ha-“
    “Oh yeah, sandstorm! I flew right through one! I couldn’t see where I was going, so I flew as high as possible to get away from it but I became so worn out that I just simply couldn’t hold my lift anymore and fell all the way into the sand. The next thing that I remember happening is me seeing your sexy green face and those delicious red eyes.”

    While that explained a lot, I still wasn’t keen on us getting caught in the middle of the storm, “Can you please just get off me? I have a cave that’s relatively sandstorm proof and I’d like us to not get whipped up out here.”

    “Us?”

    “Well, personally, I think you are hot and shouldn’t be left to die out here.”

    “Oh, well, in that case,” She winked, “Let’s go!” She lifted her whole body off me, relief and disappointment falling on me. When you have a chick that well equipped on you, you’ll know what I mean. I stood back up, spreading my wings, suddenly remembering an important detail.

    “Are you sure you can fly?” I asked.

    “For you baby, I’ll do anything.” I smiled at her, she’s sweet, cute and back a rear and rack to match.

    I extended my wings and bent my legs, jumped and flapped my wings, all in standard procedure, the Dragonite following suit, both of us creating a storm of sand met with coughing from the girl.

    “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to this.”

    “You have goggles, I don’t.”

    I faced away from her and gained some more speed, I’d need it for the gliding trip ahead, the Dragonite following. After a few minutes of intense flapping we finally got enough altitude for us to glide without problem. And so we glade, if that is the correct term, but one important question came to mind.

    “What’s your name?”

    “Mine? Oh, you can just call me sexy, I’ve seen the way you looked at me.”
    I blushed, but looked at her face, “Seriously, what’s your name?”

    “Fine, fine, its Martha, yours?” That question presented me with an interesting problem, what was my name?

    “I honestly don’t know.”

    “I know you are kidding, c’mon tell me!” Martha whined.

    “I’m sorry, but I just don’t know, it’s been years since I have had to remember it, I’ve simply been living out here and surviving, in fact, you are the first girl I’ve talked to for months!” I insisted.

    “Fine, I can call you one of two things, Horny or George.”

    I grinned “I think I’ll take the latter.”

    “Spoilsport...” I heard her mutter, “Well, glad to meet you George, now when are we going to reach your cave?”

    “Just give it another minute.”

    I saw her roll her eyes at me, I grinned back. So we continued gliding onwards, still at relatively the same altitude, the sands heat pushing us upwards.

    “Aren’t we gliding a bit high?” Martha asked.

    “You see that large rock over there?” I pointed a bit to my right.

    “Yeah?”

    “My cave is right next to a cliff, it’s pretty much impossible for sand to get in.” I grinned.

    “It seems to have also kept the chicks out, good thing you’ve got me.”
    She winked, “It’s a shame, you’re smart and sexy.”

    I grinned and changed my angle, going towards the cliff with a cave in it.

    By the time we reached the cave it was blowing hard, well, perhaps that’s an understatement. It was nearly impossible to steer any direction, we were being forced to flap with as much effort in possible just to reach the ledge of the cliff, standing on it was not that much better, I felt like I was going to be blown off at any moment. When we reached the interior I pushed the boulder into the entrance, struggling. Thankfully Martha was there to help.

    “Thanks.”

    “Don’t worry, I’d be willing to help any man that’s sexy enough.”

    “Well, first things first.”

    I lit the pile of wood I had set up this morning as I did with any day, sometimes I just felt the need to have a fire on, that and I liked being prepared just in case. I breathed in and opened my mouth, pushing out the gas mixed with the air lit inside my mouth push a stream of fire light onto the dry pile of wood, a whoosh coming across the cave.

    “Ah! You nearly hit my tail!” Martha yelped.

    “Sorry, it’s nearly impossible to see without the fire.” I have eyes that’ll be immune to the effects of sand yet I cannot see in the dark.

    An awkward silence fell across the cave, the sound of the fire filling the cave.

    “So what, you aren’t going to hit on me?” I asked sarcastically.

    “Oh, silly, I haven’t completely tested you yet.”

    “Oh what, this is a test?”

    “Well, you wanted something interesting to do.” I smiled, she may not act like it but she isn’t stupid.

    “This is interesting?”

    “It’s amusing for me.” I saw her wide smile.

    “Well, I’ll be at the fire if you want me.” I said, walking around to the fire and sitting at it, letting its cool warmth shine onto me.

    It’s no desert sun but it’s better than being in the middle of a storm, plus the nights are freezing anyway. Martha walked over a few seconds later, unable to get that smile off her face.

    “So, how did you get this cave? Blast out the previous owner with sexiness?”

    I smirked at her remark, one minute she rejects me, the next she hits on me, “No, it’s a long story; I actually built this throughout my whole life as a Flygon. When I was young I led my life as a loner in the northern desert, Trapinch are often abandoned when young, in fact, sometimes they actually eat each other in the nest or as eggs just to survive.”
    I looked into the fire, looking back into time. “Assuming we survive long enough and become powerful enough, we evolve into Vibrava. Needless to say the power of flight is much better than being stuck in a pit, trying to lure prey for hours on end. I could actually find other sources of food, such as plants or well, put simply, dead creatures.”
    I looked up to Martha to see if she was listening, she was, I looked back to the fire and continued, “I couldn’t keep up extended flight though, so it was still stuck in this deathpit of a wasteland. I had longed for the day that I would finally become a Flygon, and well, that day happened a few years ago. Ever since then I looked for a place to live, and quite simply, I built my own home. I think I did a snazzy job personally.” I looked back up to Martha.

    “Why didn’t you move out?” Was the question that Martha threw at me, the obvious one.

    “I don’t know... I guess I kind of became attached to this place over the years.”

    “Why? How old are you? You must have been here for years to become so attached.”

    “I’ve been stuck here for 19 years, not much by a dragons lifespan, but it is still a whole lotta days.”

    I earned a chuckle from her, “I wish I was that young.”

    “Why, how old are you?”

    “I’d rather not say.”

    “Either way you’re still hot, no matter the age.” I said, smiling.

    “You know how to make a woman happy.” She smiled once again, she never stopped giving them.

    “So, what’s your life story?” I asked.

    “My life story?”
    She pondered for a second, “Nah, that’s a bit long. How about why I’ve been travelling?”

    “Shoot.”

    “You see, I am supposed to be visiting my family. They are down south around a chain of tropical islands. Of course, the storms delayed me quite a bit.”
    The statement was greeted by a large whooshing of wind, going through the cracks in the boulder making the fire flicker heavily with the wind. “I’m from the far north, snow and all. I know, an odd place for a dragon to be but I’ve always loved the snow, it’s always been fun to play with plus I had a few friends there too.”

    “Had?”

    “Well, it was a research group led by humans. I know, you probably have all sorts of bad impressions about them,” Well, actually, I hadn’t really had much impression, not many humans ever bothered to come into this desert though I have heard stories, “they were very nice, they’d been there for around the same amount of time I was there. I initially went to the north as part of an around the world trip almost immediately when I gained my wings, not that it became very around the world. Anyway, when I arrived at the winter wonderland I saw a group of travelling researchers, curious as to what they were doing I followed them, it turns out they were moving to set up camp up in the mountain, I could have sworn I saw one of them see me but he kept it to himself. Anyway, I kept stalking them around; they were talking about finding out ‘why there has been so many freak storms’. Personally, the desert storms are worse,”
    She stated with a giggle, “They set up camp at sunset and I’ll be honest, I was interested as to where they kept their food. I looked around the bags they set down while they were setting up tent and just my luck the same man caught me again. He approached me, of course, I had the crap scared out of me, not literally of course, but I wasn’t sure what he would do with me, by the time came to stand next to me he gave me some simple advice, ‘This is the wrong bag, if you want some food find it yourself. Also, don’t be afraid, we don’t bite. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around, hell, you’ve been stalking us all day, now get outta here before the others see such a big beauty such as you bein’ given advice by a little weak man such as me.’ And with that advice, I ran. Not too far away of course, I was more surprised that the man actually went ahead and helped me.”

    “He seems like a nice guy.”

    Martha smiled, “He was, along with the rest of the team, over the years I became more and more integrated into the group. It turns out the man’s name was Jeff; I never really bothered to remember the rest of the teams names because while they were nice, Jeff was the one that kept with me the most. Heck, I came to the stage where I was following him around all the time like he was my ‘trainer’, of course the rest of the team joked about it but that’s what happens. It probably does not help that I’d protect him from wild attacks, but he was also one of the few in the group that didn’t have his own Pokémon, as the humans kept calling ‘us’. By the end of the project I never wanted to leave his side but unfortunately I had to leave him...” She stared into the fire, quite painfully reflecting upon her past.

    I finally took the courage to ask the obvious question however, “Why did you have to leave him?”

    “Oh... uh, ‘The team has a policy of not capturing any wild Pokémon, I’m sorry dear, I love you as a friend but I simply cannot have you go with us, the university will think something’s been going on. Others may not really take our romance too well...’ Those were his final words to me; he gave me a kiss on the lips, giving me a quick hug... then he ran away as quickly as his legs could let him, crying. I knew I shouldn’t have followed him but I did so anyway, I once again stalked him as he caught up with the rest of the group but when he finally caught up, I just stopped. I knew that I shouldn’t follow him, and so I didn’t. I stood there by that tree wishing things were different...” She said, draining off. Now staring back at the fire.

    A silence fell for a few minutes, the words soaking into me, the memories flowing back to her, both of us staring into that fire, the wind nearly powerful enough to uproot the odd tree you find out in the desert.

    “I decided I should visit my family; there was nothing left for me up north now that Jeff was gone. I needed someone in my life and my family is a quite obvious choice, however on the way...” She paused
    .
    “You ran into me?” I finished.

    “Yep.” She stood up, and walked around to me, “Smart, cute and sexy. You saved my life and let me take shelter in your home.” She whispered to me.

    “Smart, cute and sexy describes you better than me.” I whispered back, even softer.

    She came closer to my body, nearly pinning me under her “If you’re trying to turn me on, it’s working.” She whispered back, facing me directly in the face.

    “I think it’s a bit early for that dear.” I whispered.

    “I know.” She whispered, hugging me. The sound of wind and rain blowing outside being the only thing breaking the silence.

    We fell asleep, in each other’s arms.
    -----------------------------------------------
    My first post here in forever, 200th one too. Feel free to criticize, and yes I read the rules and guidelines. I hope I posted this correctly.

    There is 3378 words (7 pages) in this chapter.

    I can confirm that this story is not stolen by any means, the rights to the story is held by Flygon/Furaigon/FlygonBreloom/Kinogassa. This story has also been published on MFGG under my alias 'Kevin Rudd' (Name change intended as a political joke).
    Last edited by flygonbreloom; 13th September 2009 at 9:55 AM. Reason: Spelling errors, updated

  2. #2
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    Very interesting fanfiction (:

    I would suggest that you hit enter twice everytime someone else is speaking, for excamply, from this:

    “Are you quite sure you can walk?” I asked, I wasn’t quite sure I would be able to carry her bulk, heck, she was at least a foot taller than me!
    “Oh? For you? Anything.” She said, regaining her balance. “Thanks for saving me! I wouldn’t know how to repay you!”
    “Don’t worry, something interesting actually happening in this desert is payment enough.”
    She giggled at the statement, “So what’s a hot man like you doing in the middle of a hot desert like this?”
    “I could say the same to you.” This made her giggle again, “I’m just finding food to eat, speaking of which, are you hungry?”
    “Knowing how far I’ve flown?”
    To this:

    “Are you quite sure you can walk?” I asked, I wasn’t quite sure I would be able to carry her bulk, heck, she was at least a foot taller than me!

    “Oh? For you? Anything.” She said, regaining her balance. “Thanks for saving me! I wouldn’t know how to repay you!”

    “Don’t worry, something interesting actually happening in this desert is payment enough.”
    She giggled at the statement, “So what’s a hot man like you doing in the middle of a hot desert like this?”

    “I could say the same to you.” This made her giggle again, “I’m just finding food to eat, speaking of which, are you hungry?”

    “Knowing how far I’ve flown?”
    See what I mean? It looks more uncluttered now ^_^

    I like the way you had this Dragonite flirting with Flygon, it made me laugh, as for Jeff I'm assuming that he's a Ranger?

    Anyway, good work, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
    sweet_piplup123

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

  3. #3
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    Heh, grammar was never my strong suit. Thank you for the reply.

    Jeff is a story that will be expanded on in the future (My grounds are, every character has a story, no matter how minor they may be). About the flirting, yeah, I had fun writing it too... I actually had it checked with a friend to make sure that it wasn't offensive to females, her reply was 'I do the same to men anyway'.

    I have the next chapter typed up (And published at my other sources), but I'd rather let people read the first chapter before I post the second (So basically, 24 hours).

    The third chapter is in progress (I've... procrastinated), and I hope to actually make it progressive.

    Basically, thanks for the reply and more stuff is coming in the future.

    Okay, updated!

    To those of you asking by the way, no, the story won't be all fluffy bunnies and sugar on candy sticks. I should probably add an M rating... an Australian one thats much more lenient than the American one (Here, M is +15 but not legally enforceable).
    M (Recommended for mature audiences) - These films and computer games contain material that requires a mature perspective, but is still not enough to be deemed too extreme for younger players. This classification was formerly known as M15+, but was changed to simply M to distinguish it from the higher (and restricted) rating of MA15+. The description originally had "Recommended for Mature audiences 15 years and over", though like the above PG rating, the description dropped the 15. This description may be still founded on older DVDs and video tapes. This is the highest unrestricted rating.
    The content is moderate in impact.
    As quoted from Wikipedia.

    So uh... I am changing the title rating to PG-15, stay in school!
    Last edited by flygonbreloom; 12th September 2009 at 7:03 AM. Reason: Adding the update here too

  4. #4
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    Why.. did you quote your chapter :/

    Also it's funny how you have Cacti with no thorns whoo >_>

    And you do know the only cacti that get that tall are Sarror.. Sa.. so.. s.. bleh.

    They're protected and not made for people to eat- if I remember right it takes what 20 years per foot? 8D whee. There ARE other cacti, including the ones that give off the erf paw paw fruit or whatever. That'd be more belivable then someone cutting down a hard as hell cactus. With a tail.


    I kept this up for several minutes; I doubted I would be able to find anything else before the impending sandstorm so I had to fill up now. I just had this feeling that something was going to happen, it’s hard to describe.

    Ok so, how do you know if there is going to be a sandstorm? And no feelings of anxiety, worry, fretting, fidgeting aren't that hard to describe. But maybe you should slip to third person- but focused on this character. It might help!



    However, not even the desert is this simple, as I was eating a sudden boom happened behind he, perhaps not the most descriptive word for a sound,
    No it wasn't really descriptive. And you don't even say boom how; a boom like something large colliding into the ground with a horrible force. Or something large just suddenly exploding right behind you, tearing into the surface of the earth with mind numbing power.




    imagine a rock hitting some sand, now multiply that multiple times. A large rain of hot sand fell all over me a split second later, covering my while body.
    Ok bud, here's the deal. I've hit sand before, granted it's beach sand, but it never FLIES ALL OVER THE PLACE, it's a hard thing to move. And no this wasn't the wet sand. And- to even start making it fly all over the place you have to fall I bet pretty damn high.

    And if it's as high as I'm thinking about oh well then whatever fell WOULD BE DEAD.

    END OF STORY.


    climbed up the sand mound, having been shifted by the force of the crash it was made ever so slightly steeper, not a kind thing to happen when you are rushing up a shifting pile of sand.
    What kind of crash- you're not ****ing describing here. Was it a vertical crash or did the thing come in at an angle? Skimming about it seems you have a problem describing when it's not in large chunks and think that poor description in chunks allows you to skimp elsewhere. No it does not.

    You need to work on it.

    You don't describe the crash or the crater that would undoubtedly had to have happened. Or the fact that whatever it was, if it somehow survived, would be seriously hurt. I mean have you never seen what happens to people that fall from great hieghts in water even? Death, internal injuries. and when it's not that bad, limbs, ribs and sometimes backs and necks get snapped.

    I doubt a pokemon wouldn't be any different to this logic.


    She said gasping for air, sure, I was making assumptions based on what the voice sounded like but they usually work. She looked at me, simply to follow up with four words any man would love to hear, “...Why hello there sexy! So you are the man that rescued me?”
    Face meet palm, palm meet face.

    So this Dragonite has crashed, is gasping for air, flailing about, hurt beyond reason, probably has broken wings, tail, legs, internal injuries, and the first thing she says that any MAN would want to hear- when did a pokemon suddenly become a man btw? Is Why hello nurse~.

    Yeah cause right now is the time for bad pickup lines!!!

    No now is not the time to show oh yes here is my pokemon character poorly described, here is a female and guess what it's love at first death crash folks!

    She giggled at the statement, “So what’s a hot man like you doing in the middle of a hot desert like this?”
    No.

    No.

    No.

    You're having it flirt like retarded cheerleader girls. Cause this would be an insult if I said like all cheerleader girls- cause no not all can be like this. So she's crashed, she's met a stranger. And now she's calling him a hot man, like she's a 14/18 yr old girl and he's some studly man.

    Yeah mean cause you've really described your character- mean I have no ****ing clue wtf he is, but yeah whatever he is we have now secured thanks to this abomination dragon that he is hott and sexxy.

    Ok skipping past the boring dialogue and bad description and actions. We find SHE HAD A TRAINER. And ooh trainer and her had a fling!

    I’m sorry dear, I love you as a friend but I simply cannot have you go with us, the university will think something’s been going on. Others may not really take our romance too well...’ Those were his final words to me; he gave me a kiss on the lips, giving me a quick hug... then he ran away as quickly as his legs could let him, crying. I knew I shouldn’t have followed him but I did so anyway, I once again stalked him as he caught up with the rest of the group but when he finally caught up, I just stopped. I knew that I shouldn’t follow him, and so I didn’t. I stood there by that tree wishing things were different...” She said, draining off. Now staring back at the fire.
    And we get TEXT BLOCKED AUURG.

    But this brings up the question of how and why the dragonite deems it's fine to then flirt with any male in any situation because evidently she either A: didn't recuporate these feelings to her trainer which she should have called him out on, cause tghen he'd just be a molester. But no she chases after him when he freaks out over being caught doing a very bad thing; and along the way falls in love with the first male dragons she sees, then remembers oops my emoing trainer and just...

    Yeah.

    If I was worried sick about a person I felt guilty over, I wouldn't be all hey sexy at some hunk, I'd be worried sick.

    So this brings up your other weakness. Flat. Shallow. Generally horrible and selfish characters. Whoopie.

    So lets see summary of the first chapter; mauin character eats an endangered cactus. Secondary character comes crashing down and survives a death for sured fall. They fall instantly in love. They have bad talk session. They had back to his place.

    Girl dragon then emos about her molesting trainer; and her guilt for him. It is then gone as she hits on sand boy again- and then tries to rape him cause she wants sex now and he turns her on!

    I suggest first off; PACING. PACE THE GOD DAMN THING.

    The plot, the interactions, the scenes. Describe ffs, and learn when text block itus is alright and when it isn't- first person isn't a get out of describing card, it's not a cheap way out for self insertion either if this is where that's going.

    Work on characters; personality, depth, description, quirks, the works. Cause atm all you have is a sand guy and a **** dragon. That's it.

    And pacing my god, in the first chapter alone you have the two- or atleast one of the pair want to go hot and heavy and they just met! They chatted badly, and boringly, and then right after she emos about her trainer she wants to **** the guy right infront of her!?

    If you were worried about your best friend would you decide no lets **** this guy instead cause he's hot and sexy and single and oh what he says it makes my fem parts tingle with jo- NO NO YOU WOULD NOT. Not if you weren't intolerably shallow. They've only been together for a few hours not even a full day! Maybe if it'd been a week, maybe more I would understand it, but only a few hours what the hell.

  5. #5
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    Yep, I confess. My pacing skills are horrible, as is my descriptive skills. Character development... shoot me, I am completely guilty as charged.

    This is also the very reason I never post my fics often anywhere, simply because they are that bad... let me just put it this way.

    This is the best I've ever gotten. xD

    Yeah, overall, the whole story is awkward, it's also part of the reason that I'm struggling to write down the 3rd chapter.

    Edit: Uh, I better state this now, you'll hate the 2nd chapter. While she isn't as '****ty' as you may put it, there is literally... no development.

    Edit 2: This is probably why the 3rd chapter is taking so long... I'm actually padding out a whole day. >.>
    Last edited by flygonbreloom; 12th September 2009 at 11:06 AM.

  6. #6
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    Day 2: The lake of love.

    I could feel patches of sunlight on me as I woke up, I opened my eyes slowly turning my head to its side, seeing the smouldering remains of the fire I lit last night, the smoke barely rising up anymore. I lifted my head up, facing forwards; light filtered through the edges of the boulder highlighting Martha’s sleeping body that was weighing me down. Her head was at the base of my neck, smiling. I removed my arms from around her, moving my right claw to her head, feeling it around, her scales were as smooth as sand yet as tough as rock. I felt her horn, it was small and heck, not even that useful but it made a good representation of power. I than felt around to her feelers, they were fuzzy in a soft kind of way, like it is barely there, as I felt around it Martha fidgeted. I moved my claw to around its base, if I had to wake her up I figured I’d do it in the nicest way possible. I reached out a single claw out of the set and scratched ever so lightly at the base, earning a moan from Martha, I kept up the exercise until I felt her shift her head.

    “You really do know how to make a woman happy.” She stated with a yawn.

    “I’d bet it on beginners luck.” I replied, just as tired.

    “I hope this luck lasts longer than it already has because I’m loving it.” She said, looking at me with slowly opening eyes and a smile to suit.

    “Something that can’t last forever is this scratching.”

    “Aw, why not?” She questioned with a slight whine.

    “I’m hungry for some breakfast, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

    I saw a smile on her face, “I’m hungry for something else,” I frowned at her, “Oh fine, food now, sex later.” She whined.

    “Are you always this horny?”

    “For me to know and for you to find out.” She winked.

    “Would you at least get off me?”

    “Fine, fine” I heard her mutter, sitting herself up onto my waist pressing against it intently with her weight.

    I cleared my throat, “I’d like to be able to stand up.”

    “Spoilsport...” I heard her mutter as she got off my waist, trying to hide a smile, getting off my waist.

    I up on my elbows, “Consider it revenge for earlier.” I stated, pushing myself up. Hiding that silly grin I’ve had ever since I’ve been around her.

    I walked around to the boulders side, grabbing its side with both claws, getting as much of a firm grip as possible and pushed, groaning from effort. It just wouldn’t budge.

    “Need help there tough guy?”

    I submitted to my fate, “Yeah, I need help.”

    “Step aside.”

    I stood back as she approached the boulder, seeing her grin as she walked past; I took back another step for safeties sake. Who knew what she’d do. She took a deep breath in and out relaxing, slowly clumping her claws together. She stared at the rock with intent, her claw gradually glowing into a bright shade of white. I took another step back; I could take a simple guess as to what she was doing. She pulled back her glowing ball of a hand and thrust it forwards with a grunt; I braced myself for the shrapnel’s that would appear. As soon as her fist made contact the rock burst into stones, showering us like rain along with the dust covering us completely. As the dust settled I heard Martha cough heavily.

    “Oh man *cough*, it’s been forever since *cough* I’ve done that, you really need a door.”
    She stated still facing the door, she turned around to face me, “Well I see you aren’t gagging,” I fly through sandstorms, I got used to it, “Let’s see how well you can catch up to me!” She yelled excitedly.

    She laughed as she ran and dived off the cliff, leaving me utterly dumbfounded. Is she absolutely crazy? I quickly ran after her to the cliff, mainly for her safety and the fact that I cannot refuse a good challenge. As I jumped off the cliff I felt the warm morning sunlight on me, the dust quickly being dispensed by the wind. I could see her below me, still diving, though as she looked up around her shoulder she saw me, she pulled up with utter urgency, spreading her wings to their fullest extent leaving a shadow on the ground half a kilometre below. I quickly pulled up my body and spread my wings, struggling to catch up with her; she had the benefit of sheer power on her side. Moments later I finally caught up to her, struggling to pull back to her speed, pulling back my wings and body. She had slowed down her flight with apparent ease however, taking it down to a lazy glide.

    “Consider it revenge for earlier.” Was the single witty remark that I earned from her. I was just left wordless; she could have broken a wing and crashed! There is a reason I never just simply dived off a cliff.

    “C’mon, make with the small talk, it’s boring when you aren’t talking.” She whined.

    I was never a man for small talk; then again, I just dived off a cliff, how exactly do I make small talk after doing that? “So, how about those cactus’s?” I finally blurted out.

    “It’s cacti silly.”

    “Whatever, so, how about them?”

    “Them what?”
    She was driving me bonkers; I just wanted to scream in frustration! “I’m just playing with you. Every time I see a cactus I think of you, green and tall.”

    Finally, a real answer, “You think I’m tall?”
    “Heh, well, compared to my family, you’re pretty short, but for me? You aren’t too overbearing. Not that I’ve seen every part of your height.” I simply rolled my eyes at her remark.

    We fell silent again, I ending leading the way. The morning air was cool and refreshing; you could smell that it had been raining the night before quite easily. The sun and the sand contradicted the airs signs however, the sun beating down on us through the cloudless sky, the sand baking of heat and relative dryness more than ever.

    “I don’t know how you put up with it.” She suddenly stated out of the blue.

    “Huh?”

    “The sun cooking you alive inside a waterless hell with almost no food in it. How do you put up with it?”

    “How do you put up with snow?”

    “That’s different, you can actually get food and water in the snow, plus there is plenty of ways to warm yourself up. But here? None of those options exist, no food, no water and it’s nearly impossible to cool down apart from the absolutely freezing nights.”

    “You have to know where to look, don’t worry, were nearly there.”

    “Who made you leader? And where?”

    “When did you start following me? And you’ll find out.”

    She gave off an impatient groan. We continued gliding slowly, I taking in the sun and Martha? Well, she probably hated it. After a while I finally saw my marker, a particularly tall hill that was covering the other side, sure, the desert is full of hills but being here for 19 years helps with the memorisation, plus it is just really hard to ignore a hill that is covering the other side of something. I slowed down, readying myself to land on the top of the hill, Martha catching up to my side.

    “We are landing here?”

    “Yep, we are landing here.”

    As I reached the side of the hill I positioned myself upright and powered my wings ready for the sudden storm of sand that would arise. All in standard procedure. As soon as my feet touched the ground I stopped my wings, the cloud of sand dying down. I was greeted by profuse coughing.

    “How do you do it?” She asked, coughing throughout.

    “Easy, I hold my breath.”
    The simplest solution is often the best solution, “Okay, over this hill is a lake, an Oasis if you call it so.” I started walking up.

    “Why didn’t we just fly into the lake?”

    “I figured you had other ideas.” I said with a wink, she seemed to get the message going by the large smile on her face.

    We climbed up the hill to its top; thankfully it was a short climb. If I landed directly on its top we probably would have lost footing, plus if we did end up ‘crashing’ we would have fallen a lot further than say simply rolling down a hill. After a minute we finally reached the top of the hill. Martha caught up shortly afterwards.

    “So, why didn’t we just fly around it?” She asked.

    “I wanted to give you a view.”

    We both looked out on top of the hill, the morning sun shining onto the sand with fresh brightness, down below on the land, lake of clear blue water simmering in the sunlight.

    “I am, well, was the only person to know about this lake.” I stated after a few moments.

    “Why hasn’t anyone else found it yet?”

    “It always dries up during the day. In fact, I was very lucky to find this lake.”

    “Sexy man has a story to tell?” She said with a smile.

    “Yeah, I have a story to tell. You see, a few years ago I was outdoors during the night, flying during the night was always interesting, very different to the warm day times, it was just freezing cold. Anyway, a thunderstorm came around very quickly; I initially dismissed the feeling that something was going to happen as a silly annoyance. The wind came first, tearing up the sky making it nearly impossible to fly; it thrust me into this very hill with its sheer force. The rain came shortly after, pelting me endlessly. I wasn’t able to fly anywhere and shelter was nowhere near, I crawled down the hill to the base, looking for a stable place to sleep. Curling myself under my wings I fell asleep, it was difficult though, the freezing cold of the rain begging me not to sleep. The next morning I woke to the feeling of water on my tail, as I opened my eyes I saw this lake right in front of my eyes! I initially played around in it, astounded on how it was here. It turns out the ground in this area is solid rock. Anyway, after a while I decided to go hunting, to spare you the details, I stole myself a rather juicy Sandslash that managed to get itself half buried in the sand, it died from a lack of air, who knows how it got into that situation. Anyway, by the time I got back to the lake with the corpse in my arms, all the water was gone! I wallowed in self pity by eating my catch.”

    “Well, let’s get into this lake before it disappears than!” She commanded, sliding down the hill all the sudden, her tail lagging behind her.

    “Hey, wait up for me!” I yelled after her, dashing down the hill until I started sliding down on it.

    I tucked my wings in and leaned over for the speed, she wasn’t going to beat me at this race. I could feel the wind in my face as I approached Martha, a trail being created behind us as we fell down the hill. Martha looked behind herself as she approached.

    “Oh, no you don’t!” She said as she leaned over further, gaining some more speed.

    As we approached the base of the hill I realised something, we were heading right for the lake of water! As soon as we hit the flat ground I looked to my side, Martha wasn’t there, I looked behind and that’s where I saw her with her wings spread out. How does she have such good breaks? A turned by head forwards again, just in time to hit the water, covering my whole body. I struggled against the water, trying to keep my head up until I stopped. I put myself upright and breathed in deeply and back out, buoyant in the water. Never am I doing that again.

    “Well, it looks like you win.” I turned around, Martha was swimming towards me.

    “I don’t swim often.”

    She caught up to me, “Well, you should, it really brings out your features.” She said with a silly smile, bringing her claw to my chest.

    I looked back at her, “Well, it also brings out yours.” I said as I stared at her well featured chest.

    “Oh, I think we both needed the wash...” She moved her claw down my body, “You’re so firm...” She said quietly, looking down as both of us followed her claw as it rubbed against my scales.

    “Hey, uh, don’t you think you are going as bit low?” I asked, as her claw came close to the water’s surface.

    She withdrew her claw quickly, blushing, “I just cannot resist you... you shine in the sunlight like a jewel out of the rough.”
    She said, bringing her claws to behind my neck, “I want to take you from that dirt and take you with me.” She said as she bought me closer to her face.

    “I want you to take me from the rough,” I said, bringing my arms behind her neck, “I want you to polish me to become even brighter.” I said as I brought myself closer.

    She started the kiss, she trust me towards her and pressed her lips against mine. I kissed her back, hugging her neck as tight as I felt safe, both of our eyes closed. We both felt the moment explode, a single moment felt like hours to us.

    She took her lips off mine, our eyes opening again, “I want you to come with me George, to the islands, to see my family. I know it may seem sudden but I cannot stand to see you just waste your life in this barren wasteland. I would feel terrible to leave you here.” She asked, looking right into my eyes, the need for me to come with her showing all over her face.

    “For you baby, anything.” I said, smiling heavily. The words causing her to hug me intently again, I returned the favour, her warmth pressing against me.

    “George.”

    “Yeah?”

    “I’m hungry.”

    “I don’t think we are quite in the place for that.”

    “For food, silly.” She said, losing the hug, a smile on her face.

    “You come here being thirsty, and now you want food.” I said with a grin.
    “Good point.” She said, lowering herself into the water.

    I lowered myself in time with her, “Why didn’t I find you earlier.”

    “We were both hiding under the water.” She said as our heads reached the water’s surface.
    She opened her mouth as it reached the surface, letting the water flow in and swallowed, “Oh, it’s sweet!” I eyebrowed her and took in a mouthful, it did have a distinct flavour to it, “That dear, is the taste of sweet love.”

    I smiled at her, “The sweet taste of love has made me hungry.”

    “Uh huh, why don’t we just knock over that cactus right over there and eat it, I don’t want us starving on our flight.” She said, swimming over to the shore.

    “Wait, we’re going now?” I said, swimming after her.

    “Oh? Is there something wrong with that?”

    “It’s not a matter of what’s wrong; it’s how much of it is right.” I grinned.

    I admit it, I hated being at the desert, there was nothing to do, Martha was my ticket out of here and she wanted me on that flight. When we reached the shore I cut the cactus down from the base for the last time, except for one difference, I split it down the middle leaving a half for each of us, however, I still performed that same ‘ceremony’ I did whenever cutting down a cactus. She introduced me to many things, sharing food was among the first of many. The way she ate was messy, yet you couldn’t take your eyes off her, she’d just dig right into the cactus and eat without any regard for how she looked, it was cute in its own right. I ate mine carefully, savouring its taste, would this be the last time I’d have the sour bitter-sweet flavour that they produced? What about my home, would I be visiting there again?

    “You know,” I said, interrupting her eating, “I’ll be missing a lot of things around here.”

    “Oh?” She sat up, half her body covered in the odd smelling juice.

    “Well, will I be able to savour the taste of a desert cactus again? It may not be the best taste in the world but after a few years, it kind of grows on you.” I saw a smile on her face, she nodded her head, “And what about my home, I built it with my own claws, grunt and sheer force. I would wear myself for hours on end simply beaming sheer energy at it just to defeat the near impenetrable rock. My mouth always felt numb at the end of the day.” An understatement.
    “Why didn’t you make a home somewhere else?”

    “It was the only place high enough to be out of the way of sandstorms, as well as other creatures.” I took a pile of mush and swallowed it down, “You could almost say it was my protector.”

    “Well, you have a new protector now.” She smiled, I smiled back. I knew she was right; the boulder I used to block my door was made of the same rock, if a simple smash of the rock with her claws could break it, who knew what sort of power she had.

    I shovelled another load and swallowed it down, “Are you ready to go?” I asked, the question would have been better asked as ‘Am I ready to go?’.

    She smiled, “Nearly, lemme just wash off.” I looked over to her half, eaten all the way to the other end with a gaping hole revealing the sand at the other side.

    She was just dripping with juice as she made her way to the lake, diving in. I followed after her, getting to the water’s edge, bending over to wash my arms over. I look at my reflection as I stopped, a pair of red eyes looking back at me, along with my own pair of feelers; Martha and I were so different yet so similar, she’s orange and I’m green. My reflection was broken as Martha swam over on her back, her upside down face looking back at me, her green eyes looking at me.

    “Let’s do this thing.” She stood back up, with only her legs in the water, spreading her wings.

    I stood back up with her, spreading my wings. “Thank you.” I simply stated.

    She smiled, “Thank me when we are there.” She said as she thrust her wings with a jump, I quickly following, “Even then, you shouldn’t have to thank me.”

    I jumped and thrust, kicking up the sand characteristically, “I insist, I say thank you.”

    She smiled, “Is this our first argument?”

    I looked at her, smiling back, “I believe it is.”

    We pushed ourselves off the ground; I struggled to get high enough to cruise, Martha doing it surprisingly easy. When we flew high enough to start gliding I asked her the obvious question.

    “How do you do that so easily?”

    “How what so easily?”

    “How do you get off the ground so easily?”

    “You jump off a cliff and glide; I get off from the ground every single time. I figured it’d be obvious. You’ll get better as you go along.”

    I smiled at her, it was obvious. We went through the warm air, the heat of the sand pushing us up relieving us of our flapping duties. I looked over to Martha, her scales being lit up by the sun.

    “Five seconds into this trip and I’ve already found something beautiful.” I said as I looked over at Martha, she smiled back, she knew exactly what I was talking about.

    We flew through the desert as the day went on; the sun slowly changing its position in the sky, still keeping its ever flowing heat, our shadows going onto the dunes of the sand as we flew through the warm air. The land littered by fleeing creatures and plants. Sweat was evident on Martha’s scales yet I barely made a drop. We didn’t have much to talk about; I never tried, throughout the whole trip Martha looked to be in the same predicament, whenever we looked at each other we just smiled. Her smile was matched by her eyes blue as the sky above, my smile, well, who knew? The dusk was beautiful, the sunset in the distance being a golden orange; we gave a quick kiss in the air as the sight presented itself. As the night fell, so did the sand, yet I didn’t feel cold, the climate still staying warm, flying being easier than a desert night would be. I saw more trees thrust out of the ground than I ever saw in my life, the ground covered with luscious green grass. Slowly, we lazily flew downwards.

    “I’m tired,” Martha stated, breaking the silence, “You may not be but the desert just has me baked.”

    I smiled, “Well, I’m just plain tired.” I stated, landing.

    “Wanna crash here?” She asked, landing herself.

    “Only if I can sleep with you.”

    “It’d be torture if I didn’t let you.” She tucked in her wings, falling onto her back.
    “It’d be even worse if you didn’t sleep on top of me this time.” She grinned.

    I jumped onto her, smiling, feeling our warmth shared between us, “You have no idea how cute you look on the ground like that.”

    “You have you idea how tough you look just sitting on me.”

    “I want you to see my tough face more easily,” I said, leaning my body onto her, “And I want to be able to see your cute little face.” A thought ran across my mind, and probably hers too, but we both knew that now just simply wasn’t the time.

    “Love you.” She said with a hug.

    “Love you too dear.” I said hugging back, giving her a quick kiss.

    I felt the warmth of her body help baby me to sleep, the moon shining down on us with its white glow. Two perfect nights in a row.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Unquoted as requested.

    This chapter was largely filler, and uh, the reason why this is being bumped up to PG-15.

    Regarding factual errors relating to Cactus, well, uh... how do Dragonite physically fly? They must be too heavy. Use your imagination. xD
    Last edited by flygonbreloom; 13th September 2009 at 9:57 AM.

  7. #7
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    “Oh man *cough* , it’s been forever since *cough* I’ve done that, you really need a door.”
    In normal fanfiction, I suggest you not to use symbols like this. Try something like this:
    “Oh man," she said, coughing at the amount of sand in the air, "It’s... cough... it's been forever since I... cough... I’ve done that, you really need a door.”
    Overall, the paragraph spacing still needs work, and try not to pile a whole heap of information all at once. You could have the Flygon telling his story with Dragonite asking questions every now and them, as it could sound more interesting this way (:

    However, they're just my opinions, what you write is up to you.
    sweet_piplup123

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

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