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Thread: Pokemon: The Next Generation

  1. #26

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    Hey just want to say great start i'm liking this a lot, just as much as walt and mimi's journey.
    Ashley going along and ran into a group of Venonat
    I did find a few mistakes, the one above is clearly incorrect grammer and should be changed

    She releases the Pokeball, and it lands on the Venonat. Venonat was inside the ball, and one, two, three flashes went off.
    The first sentence here is present tense, the second is past tense, you really need to be consistant with these things

    All in all well done!
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  2. #27
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    Hey man! I glad to see the fic back! It was a good chapter. Too bad about spearow though, torterras too good. The description is really great in your fic as always and you used a good variety of pokemon from each gen, i am still lovin your work!
    My Shiny Pokemon:

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  3. #28
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    So I read the prologue and when I was reading it, it felt kind of....awkward to say the least. I don't know why but it just felt like a robot spit it out. Such and such happened. Person says, "Random bit of speech." I don't know why, but it feels really odd reading this. It also feels like you are trying to write a story about Ash and May but taking out Ash and May. Out of all the Pokemon they could have chosen they choose their exact (almost exact in Ash's case) starters? Why not choose something else, something stronger like say Gible? Well it's your story. I don't know if I'll finish it, but I'll look at chapter one and see if it feels the same.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  4. #29
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    I really enjoyed this chapter, shorter than I imagined. And just a couple grammar mistakes, but can easily be fixed. Overall, great chapter
    White friend code: 0347 5916 2191
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  5. #30
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    Great chapter I woud like to be on the PM list thanks
    Fairywitch's last artwork below:

    Shiny Hunts:

    BQ#1 Game Lost



  6. #31
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    This is an amazing story! Though personally I would've preferred them to take something like Munchlax and Snorunt, myself. Or at least had Torchic go to Micheal for Gym Battles and Pichu go to Ashly for contests. Still, I'm loving this story. Add me to the PM list, if you would be so kind.

    Scenes I would like to see would be, one of them (preferably Micheal) catching a Sinnoh pokemon like Chimchar, Magby (Magmortar), Gible, Riolu, or Skorupi, because every other region except Sinnoh has been covered thus far.

    Also, I'm going to put down my Dream teams for Micheal and Ashley (I'll repost it after a change is made):

    Micheal: Pichu, Samurott, Shiftry, Fearow, Drapion/Lucario, Houndoom

    Ashley: Blaziken, Meganium, Politoed, Venonat/Venomoth, Litwik/Darumaka, Froslass
    C+ Grade PASBL Ref



    Quote Originally Posted by Eaglehawk View Post
    I've been gone from Serebii for over 4 months already and this is by far the best team to grace the barren wastelands of Serebii's Competitive section. Let its creation be known throughout the land. Kings will hold grand feasts to commemorate its conception. All wars will end. The eyes of children will finally be opened to the truth of MMS.
    Creds for the cute ub to my bby Turpoo <3

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Snorlax View Post
    This is an amazing story! Though personally I would've preferred them to take something like Munchlax and Snorunt, myself. Or at least had Torchic go to Micheal for Gym Battles and Pichu go to Ashly for contests. Still, I'm loving this story. Add me to the PM list, if you would be so kind.

    Scenes I would like to see would be, one of them (preferably Micheal) catching a Sinnoh pokemon like Chimchar, Magby (Magmortar), Gible, Riolu, or Skorupi, because every other region except Sinnoh has been covered thus far.

    Also, I'm going to put down my Dream teams for Micheal and Ashley (I'll repost it after a change is made):

    Micheal: Pichu, Samurott, Shiftry, Fearow, Drapion/Lucario, Houndoom

    Ashley: Blaziken, Meganium, Politoed, Venonat/Venomoth, Litwik/Darumaka, Froslass
    Thanks for the opinions and team suggestions! I actually regret a few things I did in the beginning such as:
    -2 starters
    -Giving Michael Pichu and Ashley, Torchic, I wish I would have reversed it

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  8. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    Thanks for the opinions and team suggestions! I actually regret a few things I did in the beginning such as:
    -2 starters
    -Giving Michael Pichu and Ashley, Torchic, I wish I would have reversed it
    I actually loved the idea of two starters, its something very different and it is a nice change to the usual. As for the latter point, you could alway do a trade...
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  9. #34
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    It sure has been a while since an update! I am going to try to get the next chapter up this weekend and appreciate all of the feedback! If you have any comments, or suggestions for that matter, please let me know... having read through the story again, I have decided to add something unexpected which will surely intrigue all of you, my readers! Thanks

    My 3DS Friend Code is 4656-7001-6257
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  10. #35
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    Chapter 4: New Friends, Same Adventure

    Michael said to Pichu, “We’re gonna catch this Seedot, buddy!”

    The Seedot nodded in agreement as if it is accepting the battle.

    “Pichu, Volt Tackle, now!”

    Pichu charges up and prepares to Volt Tackle the Seedot, when suddenly the tiny, acorn-looking Pokémon fired a Shadow Ball at Pichu before he had a chance to make his attack. Pichu appeared very weak.

    “Pichu, I’ll leave this one to Oshawott, take a nice rest!”

    Michael takes out his Pokeball for Pichu and sends him back in it and releases Oshawott from his ball.

    “Oshawott, help me get us a new friend, use Ice Beam on Seedot!”

    Seedot responded with a Bullet Seed, but Oshawott’s powerful frozen attack proved to be stronger. The little Seedot appeared weak, but eager to continue and uses another Bullet Seed.

    “Oshawott, use Ice Beam once more!”

    Oshawott fired an Ice Beam right at Seedot and it falls to the ground, struggling to get up. Michael turns his hat backwards and tosses a Pokeball. The red dot on the ball blinks three times and then stops!

    “We did it, Oshawott, we caught a Seedot!”

    “Osha, Oshawott!” replied Oshawott.

    “Let’s hurry back to the starting area!”

    Michael and Oshawott sprint down to the starting area, only to see a trainer with his newly captured Yanma already there. He and Oshawott approached the trainer to congratulate him.

    Michael said to the winning trainer, “Congratulations on the victory, I’m Michael and this is my Pokémon, Oshawott.”

    He said to Michael, “It’s a please to meet you, Michael. My name is Brandon and I’m planning on entering the Indigo League!”

    “Wow! I’m entering the Indigo League too and here comes my sister, Ashley, she’s going to enter the Kanto Grand Festival!” replied Michael.

    Ashley came sprinting with Torchic and her newly caught Venonat.

    She came up to the boys saying, “Ugh, I can’t believe we didn’t win! Torchic, Venonat, return.”

    “I’d like you to meet Brandon. He won the contest and is planning on entering the Indigo League!” added Michael.

    “It’s a pleasure, Brandon.” Ashley replied.

    Brandon said to them, “Hey, my uncle and cousin live in Pewter City; would you guys like to come for dinner and possibly battle?”

    The twins added in unison, “Absolutely!”

    Michael said, “I’m actually planning on getting the Pewter Gym Badge!”

    “Then it’s settled, let’s get there sooner rather than later.” Brandon insisted.

    *****

    Brandon proceeded to accept his bug-catching trophy from the announcer and the gang soon arrived to Brandon’s uncle’s house in Pewter City.

    “Lindsay, I’m here and I brought some friends along!” Brandon shouted out.

    His uncle said to them, “I’ll be inside preparing dinner, Lindsay is out back with Abra.”

    Brandon said, “Okay guys, let’s head on outside I’ll introduce you to my cousin, Lindsay!”

    They walked out to see a battle field and a swimming pool.

    “Wartortle, Yanma, Bonsly, Come on out!” Brandon proclaimed.

    Michael exclaimed, “Oshawott, Pichu, Seedot, Spearow, Come on out and play!”

    “Chikorita, Torchic, Poliwag, Venonat, Come out and meet everyone!” Ashley added.

    In the distance, Lindsay, a tall, blonde teenage girl approached the twins to introduce herself.

    She said to them, “Welcome, I’m Linsay and this is my Pokemon, Abra. I’m working hard to become a Pokemon Professor one day.”

    "Very cool, I'm working to challenge the Indigo League and collect all 8 badges!" replied Brandon.

    “Hey, since all of our Pokemon seem to be interacting well with each other why don’t we have a battle, a double battle! Lindsay and I against Ashley and Michael?” proclaimed Brandon.

    The other three replied, “Sounds fun!”

    They stood on opposite side and called upon their Pokemon.

    “Abra, I choose you!” Lindsay exclaimed.

    “Wartortle, you’re up!” Brandon added.

    “Poliwag, let’s show ‘em what we’ve got!” Ashley proclaimed.

    “Seedot, you can do this!” Michael said, extravagantly.

    Brandon said to Ashley and Michael, “You guys can make the first move!”

    “Okay, Seedot, Shadow Ball on Abra!” commanded Michael.

    “Poliwag, use Hypnosis on Wartortle!” Ashley added.

    Poliwag sent a Hypnosis right a Wartortle, putting it to sleep.

    Lindsay proceeded to command, “Abra, try to dodge the Shadow Ball, then use Attract on Seedot!”

    After try to doge Seedot’s Shadow Ball, Abra took a hard hit. She was, however, able to send off an Attract at Seedot. A swarm of pink hearts surrounded Seedot and caused him to become tipsy and in love with Abra.

    “Wartortle! Wake up!” Brandon exclaimed.

    “Seedot! Snap out of it and use Bullet Seed while Wartortle is still asleep.” Michael screamed.

    Ashley said to Poliwag, “Use Bubble on Abra!”

    Lindsay told Abra, “Use Double Team and then Psychic on Poliwag.”

    Wartortle was inresponsive to Brandon. Poliwag began using Bubble on all of the Abras it saw, but was struggling to land a hit. Eventually, a single Abra remained and its eyes glowed, using Psychic on Poliwag, causing it to fall to the ground unable to battle. Seedot, however, snapped out of the attraction and was using Bullet Seed on Wartortle.

    Ashley said to Poliwag “Have a nice rest, you gave it your all!”

    Brandon screamed, intensely “Wartortle, I believe in you!”

    Wartortle’s left eye opening, only to be followed by the right eye.

    “Tor!” Wartortle said with a smirk on its face.

    Brandon then commanded, “Ice Punch on Seedot, now!”

    Wartortle came charging at Seedot, determined to take him out.

    Michael then eagerly exclaimed, “Seedot, we’re not going down like this! Use Energy Ball!”

    Energy Ball reached Wartortle before Wartortle could reach Seedot. There was smoke in the air over Wartortle and Wartortle was down.

    “You did your best, return!” Brandon said.

    Michael said to Seedot “Great job, buddy!”

    Lindsay said to him, “Well it’s just you and me Michael! Abra, use Psychic.”

    “Seedot, Abra’s Psychic is strong, but go for a Shadow Ball.” Michael exclaimed.

    A ray of light came at Seedot and Seedot’s Shadow Ball headed for Abra. They both hit successfully, but Abra was down, as was Seedot.

    “Get up!” both trainers exclaimed.

    Abra was unable to continue, but Seedot manage to roll back on his feet!

    Michael exclaimed, “Great job Seedot!”

    He continued to go pick up Seedot and thank Lindsay and Brandon for the tough battle.

    *****

    The next morning Ashley and Michael wanted to proceed on their quest. Michael was eager to challenge Pewter City Gym. As they had said their goodbyes to Brandon and Lindsay, Lindsay had a question for them.

    “For me to become a Pokemon Professor one day, I need to continue researching and discovering new Pokemon. Would you two mind if I traveled with you through Kanto and study your Pokemon? You seem to be forming tight bonds with them.” said Lindsay.

    Michael and Ashley responded with, “Asolutely!”

    “Thanks, I’ll gather my things!” Lindsay added.

    Brandon said to Michael, “I hope I see you soon Michael so that we can battle again!”

    Michael, Ashley, and their new companion, Lindsay head on out in hopes of Michael taking on the Pewter City Gym. Brandon, Michael’s new rival, will continue on his own journey, collecting the badges of only four more gyms.


    To be continued…



    Chapter 5 Preview: What awaits in Pewter City Gym? Will Michael along with Pichu and Oshawott prevail? Uncle Brock is there, waiting for Michael.
    Last edited by CovertNinja; 2nd December 2012 at 8:09 PM.

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  11. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    After try to doge Seedot’s Shadow Ball, Abra took a hard hit. She was, however, able to send off an Attract at Seedot. A swarm of pink hearts surrounded Seedot and caused him to become tipsy and in love with Abra.
    Overall, this was another good chapter. I found two grammatical errors, but that's it. (Errors are in bold.) "Try" should be "trying", and "doge" should be "dodge".

    Currently writing: The Missing Link!
    Chapters posted: 8
    Please read and review. I'll be eternally grateful.

  12. #37
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    Hey, here i was thinking this was abandoned, boy was i proved wrong, and happily too. Great chapter length wise, as some of the ones prior where a little scare, content wise. Great descriptions of the battles, the moves are portrayed so well. Looking forward to uncle Brock. You've still got it oshamijuwott.
    My Shiny Pokemon:

    5th Gen:
    ;Emolga; ;Solosis;

    6th Gen:
    Greninja ;Volcarona; (X2) Aegislash ;Lampent; Diggersby

    Luvin' the t'wigs <3
    3DS fc: Paddy 2621-3316-5077 (Pm if you add me)

  13. #38
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    Hey, here i was thinking this was abandoned, boy was i proved wrong, and happily too. Great chapter length wise, as some of the ones prior where a little scare, content wise. Great descriptions of the battles, the moves are portrayed so well. Looking forward to uncle Brock. You've still got it oshamijuwott.

    Edit: Sorry, i noticed a grammar mistake. You used 'two' which is the number whereas it should be 'too' meaning aswell etc. Sorry again, overall very good!
    My Shiny Pokemon:

    5th Gen:
    ;Emolga; ;Solosis;

    6th Gen:
    Greninja ;Volcarona; (X2) Aegislash ;Lampent; Diggersby

    Luvin' the t'wigs <3
    3DS fc: Paddy 2621-3316-5077 (Pm if you add me)

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by stanleysmith View Post
    Overall, this was another good chapter. I found two grammatical errors, but that's it. (Errors are in bold.) "Try" should be "trying", and "doge" should be "dodge".
    Thanks for the feedback! I will surely go in and change it.

    Quote Originally Posted by PaddysTurtwigFanClub View Post
    Hey, here i was thinking this was abandoned, boy was i proved wrong, and happily too. Great chapter length wise, as some of the ones prior where a little scare, content wise. Great descriptions of the battles, the moves are portrayed so well. Looking forward to uncle Brock. You've still got it oshamijuwott.

    Edit: Sorry, i noticed a grammar mistake. You used 'two' which is the number whereas it should be 'too' meaning aswell etc. Sorry again, overall very good!
    I'm glad I didn't abandon it. I have been meaning to update it, but as you hopefully know, writing for school happens to be more important than writing for the internet...
    I agree that the past chapters were much more scarce than this, and I promise you, there is better to come, maybe even another chapter today!

    What does everyone think of the newest main cast member, Lindsay?

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  15. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post

    What does everyone think of the newest main cast member, Lindsay?
    With an Abra for a partner, she's unique. I like that. Although, I would like a little more description and character development for her.

    Currently writing: The Missing Link!
    Chapters posted: 8
    Please read and review. I'll be eternally grateful.

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by stanleysmith View Post
    With an Abra for a partner, she's unique. I like that. Although, I would like a little more description and character development for her.
    I'm going to get her some development as soon as I get the gym done... gonna start writing now.

    My 3DS Friend Code is 4656-7001-6257
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  17. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post
    I'm going to get her some development as soon as I get the gym done... gonna start writing now.
    Awesome! That's great.

    Currently writing: The Missing Link!
    Chapters posted: 8
    Please read and review. I'll be eternally grateful.

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by OshaMijuWott View Post

    What does everyone think of the newest main cast member, Lindsay?
    I think a new companion is great! But hey, will you know what happen like we discussed that one time? (; I hope so!

    Great chapter! A few typos, but not many. Good luck!
    White friend code: 0347 5916 2191
    Black 2 friend code: 0820 1802 1694

  19. #44

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    Good chapter, it is great to see a new companion and a double battle. Can't wait for the gym battle.
    Now the harshness:
    The other three replied, “Sounds fun!”

    They stand on opposite side and call upon their Pokemon.
    Yet again you are switching your tenses throughout the story.
    Loads of other grammar errors but i have little time so will hopefully pik up on those later. As for the battle scene the moves were lacking proper description though some were done rather well. It seems that the pokemon have rather powerful moves for this early on in a fic, seedot has energy ball and shadow ball before the first gym, really? I woul have also liked to see more description of Lindsay, with her being a new main character it will be rather important. Furthermore, interaction between the trainers in the double battle would have been nice as well
    e.g. "You take Wartortle, Abra shouldn't be too hard to take down!" proclaimed Ashley
    or something like this

    Overall, a good chapter content wise, but the grammar needs improving
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by infernape100 View Post
    Good chapter, it is great to see a new companion and a double battle. Can't wait for the gym battle.
    Now the harshness:

    Yet again you are switching your tenses throughout the story.
    Loads of other grammar errors but i have little time so will hopefully pik up on those later. As for the battle scene the moves were lacking proper description though some were done rather well. It seems that the pokemon have rather powerful moves for this early on in a fic, seedot has energy ball and shadow ball before the first gym, really? I woul have also liked to see more description of Lindsay, with her being a new main character it will be rather important. Furthermore, interaction between the trainers in the double battle would have been nice as well
    or something like this

    Overall, a good chapter content wise, but the grammar needs improving
    Changes have been made! Glad you are liking the content!

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  21. #46
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    Gonna start posting again soon after I get back from holidays on tuesday.

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