Authors Note- Pokemon warfare?! I would remember that term because its gonna be key in a future arcDarien's final Gym Battle is against Iris! All of his Pokemon participate! Part 2 of the Opelucid Saga! P.S. Just what does the last phrase mean? Enjoy!
/Changed-26
"I believe in actions- thats why I say that when a hero must be chosen they should use their actions to display their earnest. Without actions then heroes could never save the people who they want to save." Iris said to Akira and Darien as they walked towards somewhere so that they could complete their "ordeals".
"... Iris, your not making this already confusing situation any better with you making weird *** comments out of nowhere about us being heroes, were already confused as hell as to what these "ordeals" you and Drayden are talking about. God, is everyone from this city taught to be confusing?" Darien asked Iris in a way that he could make sure it hurt her feelings to see if it would get him out of the "ordeal" (aka Darien is as lazy as hell).
Suddenly Darien's face hits a stone wall and he looks up to see a Dragon statue towering high above him and the others.
"Thats the Opelucid Gym Dragon of Raphael- Its said that hundreds of years ago it was made to protect the world from the sin of Dragon Pokemon. But when people realized that Dragon Pokemon could be befriended this was turned into a Gym "guardian" of sorts, but the saint-like seal that surrounds it is still in effect to this very day. I hear the only way to break it is to bring the most Legendary Pokemon to the heart of Unova and taint the "key" of Unova so that chaos could envelope the whole region thus causing all good forces to be vanquished leaving only despair and misery in the hearts of people and Pokemon... Just a folktale though." Iris said when she began to open the door to the gym, when the doors were opened it let out a somewhat freezing breeze that made all of them shiver as the wind sounded like a Dragon Pokemon itself roaring.
"The worlds most Legendary Pokemon? Where would we be able to find something like that? I thought Unova was so freakin country we got two lame *** Dragons with no real connection the world." Akira asked Iris who looked at her with a look of total annoyance which caused her to respond somewhat rudely.
"First off, Unova isnt lame! Its one of the most modern regions in the world and just because our history is more unknown then some regions doesnt make it lame either- ***hole!" Iris replied to Akira with a full amount of passion when suddenly two doors seemingly appeared out of nowhere with the words "Ordeal of War" and "Ordeal of Renaissance" written on them in bold print.
"Why do those doors seem to terrify me more than the rest of the gym? And why are they marked like that?"Darien asked Iris while he looked at the rest of the Gym which had a dark-leather like wall along with spikes sticking out of them.
"Through these doors lead to two different ordeals of a hero... An ordeal of Renaissance which refers to the challenger going through a rebirth to be about to counter the challenge placed before them. The true details of this challenge is something only the one who distributes it (Drayden) can explain to you. And the "Ordeal of War" refers to the challenger using all of their tactical knowledge to be able to survive a simulated warfare obstacle course, I must say that this one is the one that leads to many deaths at our Gym...(why are they still in bussiness? because the PLA has grown not to care anymore). Drayden is behind the door marked renaissance and has a black border around it while I am behind the cute~ door marked war with the white border around it(why they are those colors, I dont know I suggest you Just go with it)." Iris said in a somewhat nervous voice at the end when Akira suddenly becomes excited for some reason and dashes into the black border door (which makes some people, namely me question the relationship Akira wants with Drayden).
"Since when does Akira give a care when she has to choose something? I always thought she was like those undecided voters who vote for the third party because they think they might have a chance to win... in the election after next (if they're lucky). Darien said to himself as he made his way towards the white door but was stopped by what appeared to be an old woman acting like she was a teenager.
"Hey bruh, you gotta wait for Lady Iris to get ready for the Ordeal! So... lets battle! Before my "Basketball Wives" marathon comes on BET! Because I have that- and I didnt let Dish take it off so I could keep Hallmark... totally...(I prefer Hallmark over BET, if anyone was wondering...)" the old woman said sending out her old Axew to battle Darien but instead her Axew falls over and faints.
"What? How did Iris get past me so soon? And when did you get here? Your old as hell so why didnt I smell you before? Were you really that good at hiding because your loud as hell right now... Just- How?" Darien asked the veteran woman who looked at him as if she was trying to seduce him but her eyes began to twitch instead of blink.
"I used to be married to a man who looked like the older version of you, his name was Adonis and he used to love him some Yo' Gotti! Its was weird though, he would always spend alot of time with Drayden and he called him "dear" and "sweetie" alot... But thats what all the thugs call eachother right?" the veteran woman said with almost too much enthusiasm actually it was so much that her bones cracked and she feel to the floor in pain.
"Its sad that I dont feel bad for you, for both that your husband was having an affair with Drayden and that I'm most likely gonna leave you here to die." Darien said to the old woman while he stepped over her and went inside of the white door to battle Iris (so that his day wouldnt be completely ruined).
"The souls of the Dragons of old that were slayed all those many years by Minister Langely still reside in this Gym... Its almost nostalgic to come back here and observe all of the history this place holds. Memories of me as a young page here- ah yes, back then it wasnt weird for two men to share a bed nor was it odd for them to get a little intimate- we were just admiring eachother's strength..." a veteran man said coming out of nowhere and began talking about something no one (or at least Darien) cared about (and it was pretty weird because this was the 2nd gay joke of the day... hmm... is the author trying to say something?).
"So... Do you know how to get to the Gym part of this mental institution? Because most of the people I have met today are on Sibil's level of crazy, scratch that... Charlie Sheen level. So anyway, do you know the way to the Gym?" Darien asked the veteran man who looked at him once again like he was the most horrible person in the world but still gave him the same look of seduction that the veteran woman gave him (Darien really needs to reevaluate his life, huh?) and began to walk towards the wall with the Dragon head and pulled it down to reveal what appeared to be an elevator to the top of the Gym.
"This is the device we use to test people for Ordeals... As well as the machine we use to send the people in the dungeon their daily meal of Blitzle Feed. If you are worthy enough the elevator should move... And if you arent, if should still move." the veteran man said before Darien suddenly hopped on the elevator and rode up to higher parts of the Gym looking at the old man shouting something sexual and just waving goodbye.
"This place is like the most ancient place I've ever seen- Well, other than the DragonSpiral Tower which got terminated... Because I was there... I'm satrting to see a pattern here." Darien said to himself as he rode up the elevator that was shaped like a dragon while looking at the interesting pictures and depictions of Dragons of ancient that were in the elevator.
When he suddenly see's what appear to be catapults, cannons, and small tanks lined up in a row.
"What would Drayden say? Oh yeah! Hello~ Sexy~ Trainer! I am Iris and I am the most sexiest~ most cutest~ most race unknown~ girl you will ever meet! Dragon warfare is my specialty and because I grew up in a village where we believed are Gods- I'm also easily dominated in battles! Pokemon warfare is one of the most dangerous forms of battling, I hope you are prepared to feel a world of pain... Release the tanks! Ordeal #1- General From The Future Mountain Meets The Girl From Kill Bill! (what? She's 13, waht do you expect from the poor girl?)" Iris said pointing to a Gym Trainer next to a switch which they pulled down and lifted up a battlefield from beneath the Gym.
"Whats all this Ordeal stuff about? Isnt it just a normal Gym battle? Why arent uisng Pokemon right now? Why did you tell them to "release the tanks"? Do I ask too many questions when I'm annoyed" Darien asked Iris who looked at him like she was half paying attention and then answered every question he had.
"The Pokemon Warfare ordeal is meant to test a persons true battle skills, there will be a series of mini-ordeals such as the first one I just named which basically means that you will have to try to make it to me while small tanks pop up from the battlefield and try to hit you or your Pokemon. Meanwhile, you will also have to battle a barrage of Dragon type Pokemon. Is that clear? Now guys! Lets show him why you dont **** with Unova's strongest Gym! Oh yeah, and you do ask alot of quetions when your annoyed." Iris ordered the Gym Trainers who sent out there Pokemon to battle Darien all at once as he sent out his Creme and Neapolitan to help him with the ordeal when suddenly a small tank shoots at him and causes a small pain in his knee.
"This is retarted but your just gonna ignore me anyway... Oh well- Use Frost Breath on those Axew and Fraxure's Nea! And you stomp on those tanks when they appear Creme! Lets do it! Last Gym battle time!" Darien ordered his Pokemon who obeyed as Vanillish shot the Dragon types with a powerful Frost Breath defeating most of them while Zebstrika stomped on the small tanks with mighty force.
"Impressive, I didnt expect someone who looks reminiscent of Oscar the Grouch to have such feelings with his Pokemon!" Iris said to Darien as he continued to defeat the Dragons and dash towards Iris when suddenly a tank appears behind him and shoots on the back causing him to fall.
"Ow... Why do these Gyms always try to kill me lately? My luck is the freaking pits..." Darien said depressed when suddenly 3 cannonballs are shot towards him so Creme quickly reacts and destroys them using his Thunder attack (it looks quite epic if I do say so myself)
"It looked like you sucked so I was gonna end your miserable life with my cannons- which leads us to Ordeal #2 That Girl From Ugly Betty In A Heated Divorce With Chevy Chase (the woman not the man)! Now, return those two Pokemon and send out three more to counter my- Druddigon!" Iris said to Darien while she sent out her Druddigon as her Gym Trainers lighted the cannons and pointed them towards Pignite when Darien sends out his Pignite, Mienfoo, and Ducklett.
"And here comes something else that shouldnt exist but everyone in this city is on some type of drug so it does... Anyway! Pignite use Flamethrower on Druddigon!" Darien said while running along the battlefield when Iris begins to laugh and the defeated Gym Trainers begin to cheer for Druddigon who blast Mienfoo with a Dragon Rage and defeats him.
"Ordeal #2 is the ordeal that killed the last Trainer I had! This is a fan favorite because once a cannon ball hits you, you die! You die long time! (Stupid Fact that you did not care about- Iris used to be an uneducated village kid until she went to school and Opelucid and became the top in her class, now back to the battle thing or whatever)." Iris shouted to Darien when Druddigon suddenly begins to attack his team with Dragon Pulse, defeating all of them but Pignite.
"Your nothing but a little kid trying to act like their an adult! Your acting like the opposite of most of the people on Glee! Your so childish that when your suppose to be watching the "Charlie Rose" show on PBS your watching Sesame Street!" Darien shouted to Iris who had begun to ignore Darien and focus on lighting the cannons next to her to kill him.(Getting kind violent arent we Uxie?)
"Yeah, yeah... All I hear is I suck and I dont want to lose- yada yada yada. Tell me something I dont know! ... Is a song... by a ****... yeah..." Iris said to Darien when her Druggion continued to launch powerful attacks at Pignite and the cannons continued to be launched at them that were thankfully being dodged and destroyed by Pignite's Flamethrower.
"I'll show you not to make fun of singers who's lives were messed up by their over-acheiver having parents! Like Chris Rock said- (not his name...) Leave Britney alone! Now use Heat Crash on Druddigon Pignite and end this! " Darien ordered his Pignite who instead of doing what he ordered leaped towards Druddigon and used a powerful Head Smash that knocked Druddigon out on impact along with Pignite.
"Wow... This is better than that time we got two challengers and they both died holding hand... Insert another gay joke here if you want." Iris said getting out a Poke-ball from her bra and throwing it out in front of her to reveal a Haxorus.
"I promise that I will defeat you Iris! You are no match for me and my utter awesomeness! Prepear to be Darified! (which is what the doctor said to his mother when he was born)." Darien shouted to Iris when he finally made it to her, completing the warfare obstacle which caused Iris to laugh at his cockiness.
"You have made it to the final Ordeal! Betty White Never Acts In Her Movies Its Her Sister Who Is Now Suing Her For Legal Fees! (Okay, these Ordeal titles have gotten out of hand...) Are you prepared for for the Ordeal where you must fight head to head with my Haxorus? Prepare to be Irisfied ****!" Iris said to Darien who sent out his Scraggy who he would normally avoid in a Gym Battle but was left with only him.
"Scraggy, I have full faith that you will be able to do this! We have to beat Iris to prove that we are heroes! We cant back down without a fight! Lets be like Greece (no, not that Grease)! And not give up no matter the cost! (oh wait... Greece lost to Rome didnt it?)" Darien said to his Scraggy trying to boost up his morale so that he would be ready to fight the powerful Haxorus, Irsis who was still laughing at his cockiness ordered her Haxorus to use Dragon Tail on Scraggy.
"You make the most hysterical statements Darien... Either you are truly an idiot or you truly know how to play one! Haxorus lets end this battle before it gets embarrassing!" Iris ordered her Haxorus who began to charge a Draco Meteor. "Oh crap! Scraggy we gotta cheat to get ourselves out of this hopeless situation! Do what Tiger Wood's wife did and aim for the jaw!" Darien said to his Scraggy who hit Haxorus with a powerful High Jump Kick and stopped the Draco Meteor.
"Domestic violence is not funny! Unless its a basketball player, then its hilarious! (This lesson brought you by the NPMC, teaching diversity is one of the ways were still in business)." Iris said with a bow as Scraggy and Haxorus continued to fight like mad dogs when Haxorus suddenly releases a Dragon Tail that critically damages Scraggy so much he falls to the ground.
"Scraggy! Be a Roman! Be the people who killed the man who died for your sins! (oh wait...)" Darien said in a attempt to encourage him when Haxorus suddenly hits Scraggy with Slash which almost knocks him out.
"Not raising one of your Pokemon shows that you arent the true hero- I believe Drayden judged you too soon to recognize you as the Hero of Unova. A true hero would have reached the heart of the Pokemon by now... Which you have failed to do. Its too late for you, lets end this now Haxorus." Iris said disappointed as her Haxorus begins to do a victory dance for being about to defeat Scraggy when Darien says something to Scraggy that shocks it.
"I'm not worthy to be the Hero, huh? Then I guess thats okay... The only reason I went on this long and dangerous journey was to help people but you make it seem like I only went on it to become some lame hero! My dream is to save the people of Unova from any threat that dare to hurt it- in the words of the wisest man I know... There are too many villians in the world! We need... more heroes!" Darien shouted in protest of Iris's statement as Scraggy went in for a Zen Headbutt which critically damaged Haxorus making Iris get a little more interested.
"No matter why you started your journey this is where it will end! Use Dragon Pulse Haxorus! Full power!" Iris ordered her Haxorus who focused the energy in its mouth and started to release it on Scraggy when he suddenly leaps towards Haxorus and breaks it focus with a High Jump Kick (again?).
"Thats the most cliche thing I've ever heard Iris! Now, Sirloin! Finish this with High Jump Kick!" Darien ordered Sirloin who once again leaped for Haxorus and hit him with another Zen Headbutt.
"Impressive... You truly reached the heart of your Pokemon in the end- there's just one problem now... THIS IS SPARTA!!" Iris shouted when she suddenly kicks Darien and Scraggy into the bottom of the Gym,which clearly had spikes at the bottom of it.
"I won! But... Iris such a freaking cheater! Why does she need to be such a sore freaking loser?!" Darien asked himself while he falls down into the long and dark bottom of the Gym.
"Have a nice fall... no... see you next-fall! No even better, tell Micheal Jackson I said hi when you die~! Yeah, that one works!"Iris said with a smile as Darien continued to fall towards Scraggy who he eventually caught in his arms but still continued to fall.
"I hate hate hate hate this Gym! You are a sadistic nutcase Iris! Darn you!" Darien shouted to Iris who was listening to something on her Poke-pod as he continued to fall to his eventual death.
Darien soon see's spikes poking out from the floor (how the hell did he not see them before?) and begins to panic until he remembers something from his childhood that reminds him what he needs to do.
"GO! Vanillish! Use Ice Beam to create a walk way for me to run on! Quick! Before I die! And then you cant eat anymore- and you'll die!" Darien ordered his Neapolitan who had a hard time deciding whether to help him or not when Darien suddenly throws something from his bag at him making him unintentionally use Ice Beam.
"I cant believe my Pokemon want me to die- what have I done to you?!" Darien asked his Neapolitan while starting to walk up the ice ramp as Vanillish started to remember how he was caught so he froze Darien a little.
Suddenly the ramp begins to break and Darien starts to fall again when suddenly Ducklett comes out of its ball and helps him back up to Iris along(even though he fainted in the #2 Ordeal...).
"Wow... I really thought you were gonna die for a second there- then I remembered that the spikes were actually pillows and that you were an idiot, so I was reassured." Iris said to Darien as he began to curse at her for letting him almost die.
"How could you do something so dangerous?! Hero or not I deserve better treatment as a human being! Being nice to people just because their heroes and legends makes you a douche Iris! Do you want to be a douche?!" Darien asked Iris with a lot of frustration in his voice which made Iris want to push him back down there until she collected herself and went over to an old chest to retrieve something.
"Darien- you have "technically" proven yourself as Hero in my eyes... But rather or not the world will see you in the same light is not up to me. Continue to speak your ambitions into existence and you might even surpass the original Hero of Unova Adel himself. Today is a day that you see all of your potential take form! I would like to award you with the White Legend Badge! Congrats on your amazing triumph over the Ordeals of the Opelucid Gym! Say hello to... your final Unova League badge!" Iris said to Darien with a voice like Drayden as she handed Darien that badge that began to shake in Darien's excited palms while he jumped up and down in total glee.
"I got it! The White Legend Badge is mine! My final badge in Unova is in my hands! I completed a quest without getting bored halfways!(Which is quite the accomplishments considering Darien dropped out of high school his Junior year )" Darien shouted as Scraggy, Ducklett, and Neapolitan all celebrate Darien's well deserved victory over Iris.
When suddenly everyone in the Gym hears a powerful explosion that shakes the whole Gym including the giant Dragon statues.
Iris and Darien quickly react and head over towards the other side of the Gym to see what was wrong.
Somewhere else in Unova, known as the Entralink is being attacked by a group of criminals.
"I cant believe you all are gonna fight us... So much for moving here to live in peace and harmony, huh?" Mune asked the residents who had their Pokemon all ready to defend the Entralink against the invaders.
"Zahuhahahaha! You cant judge a book by its cover right, Mune?! These people all look like they are a bit pissed at us for ruining their crops! Zahuhahaha!" ??? replied to Mune's comment and also began to grow weird vortexes around each of his palms.
"To think that the people of the Entralink had no idea of our coming is also peculiar- Is this not the Village of Elore that holds the "Key of Unova"?" ??? asked the residents when he started to realize that none of the people knew what they were talking about.
""Key of Unova"?! Elore?! What are you talking about and why are you here to harm us?!" one of the Elders of the village asked the group who looked at him like he was senile.
"It appears the Key no longer resides in this village and it is not the village of Elore that we have been trying to find." ??? said writing down what they said in their notebook when suddenly one of the residents Cottonee launch a Bullet Seed at Mune.
The seeds go right through Mune and it is revealed that at the moment she is made completely of snow when suddenly a wall of fire appears around all entrances and exits of the village.
"That was very inpolite... Dont you know that before you shoot someone... You should make sure that they arent bulletproof." Mune said to the villagers as the Cottonee that shot her suddenly burst into flame and faints while Mune giggles and the wings her change from ice to fire.
"Shall we~ Handle these pathetic fools~ Sir~?" ??? asked ??? who began to laugh his unusually laugh and agreed that all of the villagers needed to be detained for questioning.
"You evil witch from hell! Your using some type of dark magic arent you?! That was my brothers Cottonee!" one of the villagers asked her while his Pawniard went in for an attack which made Mune laugh for obvious reasons.
"A witch? Sorry but you have the wrong gal... I usually get people calling me an angel, a witch is a new one for me. You should feel honored when I tell you this..." Mune said to the villager when she suddenly turned back into snow and got up close to him whispered something into his ear and eletrocuted him and his Pawniard.
"Zahuhahahaha! With the powers of chaos on our side... I call upon you! Darkness! Seeeize this place! Zahuhahahaha!" ??? shouted which caused the vortex around his hands to release some sort of black mass that began to devour the village.
Somewhere in the Entralink a tree begins to play a very sad song and something reminiscent of a Pokemon's tears begin to grow on it.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Unova a total empty valley begins to sprout tiny tree's that begin to grow larger and larger until they are all as tall as a skyscraper.
Then the area begins to be polluted by an odd reddish color that paints all of the plant life and other surroundings its same color.
In the middle of the area an odd sigil begins to get painted by an unknown force in blue ink and if you were to listen carefully you could hear it humming the words:
"Lighten my Hearts passage when I fade to Black. Darkness and Dreams bring marvelous things. So constantly wear that Smile. Thats why I just went to see Miranda."
Originally Posted by Street Comedy
Just what is the Government that is constantly being spoken of?! TM and HM research is a crime?! Do you remember the surname of Calico from a previous chapter? And most of all... Enjoy!
And... Enjoy! P.S. Merry belated Christmas to everyone!