Just do what I do, which is not homework.
TheSketchQueen, Chapter 4 was much too short. All chapters must be at least two pages on Microsoft Word, and this isn't half of that. Please edit this and make sure future chapters follow the length rules, or this will be closed.
And to all readers, do not harass writers. This is also breaking the Fan Fiction Rules, and if it continues, you will be infracted for it. Please keep all other posts relevant to the fic itself, and brush up on your knowledge of the rules.
Chapter 4 - Star-Stuck
The shadow of night hovered over Time Forest. Dialga and Destiny were fast asleep.
But at the spire, no one was asleep.
“My dear dream sender, the moon’s till up... it has lost most of it’s power, but can you do one more thing for me?” The silvery voice asked.
The darker voice sighed, growling, “What is it. I’ll do my best.”
“I need you to go to Palkia. Take her this dream, for it tells her what to do about the Time Portals.”
The dream sender took the dream-orb carrying the dream from the silvery voice and took off. He flew through the night, reaching Spatial Forest in the blink of an eye.
“Sweet dreams, Palkia,” the dark voice said gently as he burst the dream-orb where Palkia usually slept. The dream dust swirled around, making intricate patterns over the bed of leaves.
Palkia was out late gathering apples for the next day, when she realized she was very tired. She sauntered back to her bed and lied down in the dream dust. Sleep came over her like a big, fuzzy blanket.
Lights flashed, and Palkia was in her dream world. She saw the events of earlier, the portals’ inability to stay open, from the other side. She saw what was blocking it, and she saw how to fix it.
Palkia woke up in silence. She looked up at the indigo sky, glittered with stars, and remembered what happened years earlier. When Dialga and Palkia were still very young, still lived in Arceus’s palace. The portals Palkia made wouldn’t stay open. So she had to allow Dialga into the Space Dimension to clear the way. She knew what she had to do. But Dialga letting her into the Time Dimension? Probably not going to happen.
Dialga and Palkia started feuding a year after they left for Time Forest and Spatial Forest. Giratina traveled out of his newly made Distortion World to separate the two. They haven’t spoken to each other since then. Palkia sighed. She knew she had to see her sister in the morning.
Dialga woke to clear skies. Destiny, however, was still fast asleep. Dialga tried everything to get her up.
“Roar of Time!” Nope. “Dragon Claw!” Nope. “Dragon Pulse!” Nope. “Flash... huff... huff... Cannon!” Nope. Destiny was still fast asleep. Dialga collapsed in frustration.
“What does it take to wake you up!?” Dialga sighed-screamed. At that moment, the small pokemon flew up in a flash of green. “What took you so long!?” Dialga yelled so loudly, she hurt her voice. “I... huff huff... did everything to wake you up!”
Destiny stared at Dialga with blank eyes. She yawned, saying “I wake up on my own. You can’t wake me up, I will wake myself.” Dialga rolled her eyes.
“Destiny, we need to go see my sister today, remember?” Dialga almost growled.
Destiny tilted her head. “Why did you just growl? You said it in a low, growl-ly like voice.”
Dialga shrugged as she pushed Destiny toward Spatial Forest. Spatial Forest wasn’t that far way from Temporal Forest, but it felt like hours walking there. Eventually they got to the boundary line. The two forests were drastically different.
The combination of oak and pine trees of the Time Forest came to a complete stop as maple trees and spruce took over. The smell was different, the air felt different, everything was different. Even the dirt looked different.
As Destiny flew in loop-de-loops in the new forest, Dialga trudged unwillingly. She was not on friendly terms with her sister. Why the two actually fought was a mystery. They just did, knowing that at one point in time, there was something.
As the duo came to Space Spring, Dialga heard a familiar roar. Soon after, a white and pink pokemon shuffled into the clearing.
“I thought you would come, sister.” Palkia growled. “I thought you would come.”
Dialga rolled her eyes. “Right. You’re just saying that to freak me out.”
As the two went back and forth, Destiny noticed a ripple starting up on a nearby tree.
“Uh... guys? Is that, uh, normal?” Destiny stammered. Dialga and Palkia were too busy fighting to notice.
Then suddenly, a piercing shriek flew through the forest. The sky grew dim. The air itself seem to take on a dark aura. Then the shadow of a snakelike pokemon appeared. The pokemon screamed as the shadow took on color.
Dialga and Palkia could only whisper one word out of fear: their brother’s name.
Giratina thrashed around, screaming. Eventually he came in between the two deities.
“Stop it! Stop it now! It’s bad enough I had to do this when we were little, but, really, you have to continue this war!?” Giratina shouted forcefully. The sisters cowered in fear as he continued.
“I am sick of this. Sick of it! We’re family, families are supposed to be friends, not warring against each other! Without time, space wouldn’t exist. Without space, time wouldn’t exist. You both are so important. So why do you keep fighting over this!?”
Dialga whispered back, “I don’t know, Giratina... I just don’t know...”
“Well, find out Dialga.” Giratina yelled, and then in a softer voice, “It breaks my heart to see you this way. Please... just cooperate...”
Destiny floated slowly out. “I... I agree with Giratina. You... can’t fight forever.” Destiny said slowly.
Palkia nodded. “Gira, you’re right... I’m sorry.”
Giratina jerked his head and faded. Dialga looked at Palkia and told her what was going on.
“I know what’s happening.” Palkia started. “ Remember, when we were just learning how to warp, my portals got stuck? Well, same thing here. A Time Circle is blocking the way. You have to let me into the Time Realm and move it out of the way.”
Dialga looked down and agreed. She unlocked the Time Realm, and Palkia warped her way in. After a while, she felt something change inside of her. Her jewel flashed, and light flew through across her body. Palkia appeared seconds later.
“Yep! I was right! Just a Time Circle.” Palkia said with a smile. Dialga thanked Palkia, and called to Destiny.
“Hey, Destiny, shall we see if we can warp home?” Dialga said with confidence. Destiny nodded, so Dialga locked the Time Realm and the two warped back to the Lake of Time.
Last edited by TheSketchQueen; 7th October 2012 at 4:40 AM.
All I can think after reading Palkia and Dialga in a screaming argument are the ones that my nieces get into all the time that I would Have to break up. It's quite good that I can relate to the current situation that your characters are in.
I think your story has really good potential and it's clear that your using your own ideas and initiative such as making Dialga female in your eyes. I think you should work on making the chapters a bit longer to reduce the risk of the thread being locked. Four and five read like drabbles to me, but the equanimity of the other chapters seemed okay to me. But it might be just personal taste, I thought it was a bit strange that the prologue was bigger than chapter four. With a bit more in the most recent chapters, we can absorb the story more. I hope that helps you out.
♥Carry On, Blissey ♥
3DS Friend Code: 5241 2938 9426
Sorry TheSketchQueen, but while you did make it longer, unfortunately Chapter Four is still too short. It's only a page long in Microsoft Word, while it needs to be at least two. Chapter Five is fine, though, so just aim closer to that in the future.
Also please note that you can't have multiple chapters in one post, so please separate chapters four and five. Taking another look at the Fan Fiction Rules might help for the future. Best of luck,
New chapter. Yeah, it's chapter five, I had to combine the previous chapters 4 + 5. Making chapter 4, so THIS is chapter 5.
Chapter 5 - This Shouldn’t Be Happening
Dialga and Destiny shot out of their warp tunnel, close to lake of time. But not in the clearing. When Dialga opened her eyes, her heart skipped a beat. They couldn’t warp into the clearing because...
“Shadow wall...” Dialga breathed. Destiny, who got thrown backwards after hitting the wall, floated up to Dialga.
“Dialga? What’s a shadow wall?” Destiny questioned.
Dialga backed up a couple pases. “A shadow wall... is, well, a wall. It blocks warp tunnels, and it’s created when...” A scream interrupted her. Dialga paused, as if she recognized the voice, but shrugged it off and continued. “The wall is created when there is a pack of shadow pokemon nearby.”
The scream sounded again, and this time, Dialga recognized the voice. Her blood went cold. It was her brother’s scream. And unlike in Spatial Forest, where he was screaming in anger, he was screaming in pain and terror.
Dialga sprinted in, with Destiny straggling behind. When she reached Giratina, the snake-like pokemon was pinned to the ground by twenty to thirty Shadow Mightyena. The lead Mightyena was on Giratina’s neck, tugging at the shadow rope that held the Griseous Orb.
Giratina looked at Dialga with terror in his eyes, and choked out “Help-- help me! Dialga-- please!”
Dialga’s jewel glowed as she shot Roar of Time at the Mightyena on Giratina’s left side. The Mightyena crashed into each other, flying into a tree. Giratina grinned as he hurled a Shadow Ball in the lead Shadow Mightyena’s face. He flew up, shaking the rest of the Mightyena off. Giratina was about to reach the shadow wall when another shadow flew past. Giratina paused in mid air. Then, in a split second, the shadow flew back again, knocking the snakelike pokemon to the ground.
As Giratina struggled to get up, the shadow pokemon landed on his neck, forcing his wings down. Dialga gasped -- Shadow Lugia. Shadow Lugia was considered the leader of the Shadow Pokemon.
Shadow Lugia grabbed the orb and yanked it off Giratina’s neck. The evil pokemon smiled, as she flew away. Then, Giratina started to glow.
Giratina screamed. Dialga hated it when Giratina had his orb taken. She had no clue the pain he was going through, all she knew was that it hurt. Giratina, knew very well the pain that occurred when he changed forms. Every particle of his body is wracked with intense pain. Giratina could barely scream, it hurt so bad. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.
As the glow faded, Giratina looked more like Dialga. His six small wings merged into two bird like wings, and he had six legs. Giratina opened his eyes to Dialga.
“I... I’m sorry Giratina! I could have done something, and I just let it happen!” Dialga wailed.
Giratina shushed her. “It’s okay... I’m here, right?” He bowed his head and sighed. “I’m just, uhh, stuck here. Until I get my orb back. I... I kinda can’t teleport without that orb...”
Dialga collapsed. “What will father say?” she groaned. Giratina shrugged. Dialga looked up at Giratina and questioned, “What will you do? Where will you stay? If you don’t have a place, stay here, with me.”
Destiny shot out of her hiding place. “No!” she screamed. “No no no no no no no no NO! There is no way you can let him stay here!”
“Why not?” Giratina whispered, knowing what she’d say.
“Because you scare me. Besides all the shadow pokemon... you are the scariest pokemon I’ve met. Your screams are horrifying.”
Giratina walked over to Destiny. “That’s what most pokemon think. They never see me, and they’ve only heard negative stories of me. So everyone’s afraid. But the truth is, I’m a really nice pokemon.”
Destiny agreed, staring at the setting sun. Dialga settled down with Destiny as Giratina lied down on the other side of the lake. The sky turned pitch black within an hour, without the moon to light it.
At the spire, everyone was panicking.
“I need a dream sent...” the silvery voice mourned. “But it’s the new moon, and neither of us can do anything...”
“My dear oracle, can I ask you a question?” A voice sounded out of nowhere.
“Who... who’s there?” The oracle questioned. She looked at the dream sender, who shrugged.
“That would be me.” A pokemon with a green head, a white body, and a red thorn through its chest stepped out. “Give me some of your power. I can take the dream. However, if I agree to this, I want to be able to continue my life. I want to be free, the live on the surface.”
The silvery voice of the oracle sighed. “Alright. Come here, and I will tell you what I need you to do.”
Last edited by TheSketchQueen; 9th December 2012 at 7:29 PM.
Interesting. I would never have thought of Giratina being hurt by changing forms. I also didn't expect Shadow Lugia. Kinda makes me wonder why it took Giratina's orb.
Oh, one last thing. You say that Dialga hated having its orb taken away. Did you mean Giratina?
Chapter 6 - Dawn
The mysterious pokemon flew through the night, and stopped right over the Lake of Time. Her eyes glowed an eerie blue, and faded away.
Dialga, Destiny and Giratina woke up at the same time, but they weren’t at the Lake of Time anymore. Warm colors were swirling around them, and there was no ground under them.
As the trio were marvelling over where they were, the mysterious pokemon walked up to them. Dialga jumped back in surprise. She knew the pokemon.
“G... Gardevoir!? Is... is that... you?” Dialga whispered in shock.
The pokemon nodded her head. “Yep. It’s me, Gardevoir.” Gardevoir twirled around.
“Gardevoir... why are you here? How did you get in... all of our dreams?” Dialga questioned.
“I was waiting at the Spire for night to come. I don’t know how, but I knew there was an urgent dream that needed delivery, but because it was a new moon, it couldn’t be sent. So after night fell, I asked the oracle if I could take the dream. She agreed on one condition - I could keep my freedom.”
Dialga bowed her head. “Wow. That’s... amazing. So, what does the oracle want us to know?”
“This,” Gardevoir said as her eyes glowed again. Wind swirled, calm at first, then growing more violent every second. Dialga fought to keep upright though the turbulent winds. Then, like a ripple, an image appeared in the wind.
The image was an ariados web, with words slowly appearing. “If you want the Shadow Orb back, follow the shadow that took it,” Gardevoir shouted as the words came together. Then, all too quickly, the image exploded, knocking everyone out of the dream.
Gardevoir popped her head out of the lake. When the dream blew up, she was sent flying into the lake, whereas the other pokemon were thrown into the trees. Gardevoir swam to the shore and lied down on the grass. The other three got to their feet and joined her.
Destiny sighed. “We’re going to go find Shadow Lugia and pummel her to get that orb back, aren’t we?”
Giratina almost deflated. “Yes... I guess we are...” he groaned.
Destiny’s smile grew into an evil grin as she shot up. “YES! I’ve been waiting for something like this! NYAHAHAHAHA!”
Gardevoir looked over at Dialga. “Hey Dialga, if you guys are going to the Shadow Plains... can... can I come with?”
Dialga nodded once. “We need all the strength we can get.” Dialga stood up, gesturing Giratina and Gardevoir to do the same. “Speaking of all the strength we can get, maybe we should ask two pokemon to come with us. Six sounds like a good sized team.”
As soon as she was done, a pokemon rushed into the clearing. After the dust settled, the pokemon stepped out in front of Dialga. It was a ninetails, but the pokemon had pure white fur and crystal blue eyes. Gardevoir went over to the ninetails.
“Snow. it’s nice to see you again,” Gardevoir said formally.
Snow smiled. “Hello, Gardevoir. I bring the entire White Ninetail tribe’s greetings.” Snow turned towards Dialga. “I overheard you were taking an expedition to the Shadow Plains, and I want in. Shadow Lugia stole something from my family a long time ago, back when I was a white vulpix. I want to get it back.”
Dialga smiled. “Of course you can come. At this rate, we won’t have to ask. Our party will volunteer!” she laughed.
Destiny flew in circles. “Yay! Expedition time!” She paused, then slowly started to float down to earth. “Dialga, who’s going to be the sixth member?”
“Me.” A voice said through the shadows. Everyone turned towards the direction of the voice, and were shocked to see Palkia walking into the starlit clearing.
“I want to go too. I can’t just sit here and watch the shadows take over. I’m going to the Shadow Plains with you.”
Dialga walked up to her sister. “Yes... yes!” she cried. The two collapsed on the ground into each other.
Palkia smiled. “How about we put away our differences and start a new chapter together?”
Dialga returned the smile. “Together as sisters.”
Then, suddenly, the dark wings of Giratina wrapped around the two. “Family group hug, anyone?”
The trio laughed, and started talking about what might happen on their journey. As the sun came up, all six pokemon were cheerful and laughing, telling stories and eating apples for breakfast. But in each of their hearts, a knot of uncertainty grew, and none of them could untie it.
Chapter 7 - It’s Lecture Time
“Alright, guys, We’re getting ready for a top secret mission. Whatever happens, do not mention a single thing to my father. He doesn’t need to know,” Dialga started, “We also need supplies, stuff to put the supplies in, and we need to be in top condition. The problem is, I have no clue where to get any of this stuff.”
Snow, a white ninetails, spoke up. “Do you remember, about this time of year, what happens at the Capital? Tonight, in front of the White Palace, the Exploration Festival will take place, celebrating the beginning of exploration teams. There, many exploration shops set up to sell supplies for expeditions. Bags, food, berries, items, and anything else you would need. We can go there to get our items.”
Destiny flew up into the sky and shouted, “Then let’s get over to the Capital!” The other pokemon glared at Destiny’s excited outburst, but nodded their heads in agreement. Destiny looked up at Dialga and said, “Hey, Dialga, if Palkia, you, and I were to make a huge portal from here to the Capital, could everyone fit inside?”
Dialga shook her head no. “Destiny...” she started, “Time and space are totally different concepts. When I warp, I’m traveling through time, so I’ll end up where I’m going a few seconds later. When Palkia warps, she’s warping through space, so she never ends up in exactly where she wants, but she will end up near.”
“Although, if I’m careless, I can step out of the warp in a completely random place,” Palkia added, “When I was little and still learning to warp, I opened a portal from where I was to a few paces in front of me, and ended up on the other side of the castle.”
Giratina walked over and added on, “My warp was... programmed to be perfect. Because I was sent to the Distortion World, I warp through the Distortion World, thereby bending time and space. So I can accurately warp anywhere I want, and I’ll end up there the same time I warped. That being said, I can’t go backwards or forwards in time.”
Even Snow had something to say on the matter. “You’ll probably find your imperfection in your warping as well. Nothing is perfect...” he said, then cast a glance at Giratina and sighed, “... Even if it was programmed to be perfect, there will always be some imperfection.”
Destiny sighed at her lecture, the looked at Gardevoir and said, “You have anything to add?” The green and white pokemon shook her head no, and Destiny sighed again. “Well, Snow, I think I may know my imperfection. The first time I ever warped, I was having a race with Dialga. But, I didn’t warp to the correct time. So... maybe, that’s what will happen.”
Gardevoir spinned over and stopped herself by wrapping her arm around Giratina’s neck. “Not to intrude, like all of you did, but can we get going? I mean, I don’t have anything to add to this lecture ‘o Destiny, but I’m getting kinda bored and left out over here.”
Destiny flew up to Giratina and sat on his head. “I agree, instead of lecturing me, we should totally get a move on and get to the Capital.”
Giratina rolled his eyes, and growled, “If it gets these guys off me, I’m all for it. I mean it’s been a while since I’ve seen Dad or his White Palace... and I don’t think he’d be too pleased to see me, but... whatever.”
Dialga smiled at her brother’s remark, and beckoned for the group to follow her. They walked along the path that lead from Temporal Forest to the Captial, where the White Palace towered over the land. A granite tile plaza in front of the castle glittered as pokemon of every size were setting up small booths so they could sell many different kinds of supplies. Ahead, on the castle stairs, Arceus was talking to a wigglytuff. As soon as the six pokemon stepped foot on the granite, Arceus’s attention flew straight from the wigglytuff to the group. “What are you doing here!?” he shouted.
Dialga stepped in front and gave a nervous smile. “W-well, Father,” she stammered, “We’re... just here for the festival!” Palkia nodded glancing at Dialga.
Arceus’s eyes narrowed at Giratina. “What is he doing here,” he hissed.
Giratina tensed his shoulders. “Nice to see you too, Father,” he growled, “I’m here with my sisters for the festival. Is that such a problem?”
“Why aren’t you in your Origin Form?” Arceus questioned in the same angry voice.
“Dialga suggested I leave my orb with hers in the Lake of Time, so I took her suggestion and did so,” Giratina snapped back. Dialga short a glare at Giratina, but quickly looked at her father and nodded.
Arceus rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he growled, “But if I see of any... behavior issues, I will immediately send you back into the Distortion World. Understand?” Giratina nodded scornfully. Arceus marched up the stairs and disappeared into his palace. Giratina glared at him the whole way, and continued glaring until Celebi flew into his face.
“Alright. I wanna know. What happened to your family that makes you all hate each other?” Celebi said, tilting her head. Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina sighed simultaneously, and Giratina shook his head no.
“What happened that day... the day we were banished from the White Palace... what happened that day is our personal secret. But I can tell you that ever since that day, Father’s hated me. He forgave Dialga and Palkia... but he still dislikes me,” Giratina grunted. He closed his eyes, and in a shaky voice added, “He forgives the Lord of Time and the Lord of Space, and loves them and cares for them. But the Lord of Distortion... he has forsaken completely.”