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Thread: Pokémon: Monochromatic!

  1. #1
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    Default Pokémon: Monochromatic!

    Chapter One: The New TAO Trio!

    "This is the grand finale, folks! Whoever wins this will be crowned the world Pokémon champion" shouted the announcer in enthusiasm. The stadium was crowded with thousands of screaming poke-maniacs and with millions more watching from home. On this battlefield stood a gorgeous yet intimidating tall, blonde woman who hails from Sinnoh and across from her stood older gentlemen with outlandish bright red and orange hair. Her name was Cynthia and his was Adler, he is currently the champion of Unova. Both of them only had one Pokémon remaining from their 6 vs. 6 battle.


    "Garchomp, let's put an end to this with Draco Meteor!" commanded Cynthia.
    The hammer-headed dragon let out a gigantic roar as his body lit and he launched meteorites from his mouth.
    Adler pointed one finger towards the sky and as he dropped it he called out for his Volcarona
    "Defend at once with Hurricane"


    The moth-like creature batted her vibrant wings to stir up extreme air currents that whirled around it thus protecting herself from Garchomp's attack. Cynthia smirked and she ordered her beloved Garchomp to whip up a Sandstorm which canceled out Volcarona's ongoing Hurricane.


    "I must admit Adler, that I expected such great strength from you but I never thought you'd be this powerful" Cynthia congratulated her fellow Pokémon master
    "Why thank you Cynthia and you my dear may very be the greatest champion on the planet except for of course..."
    "Except for who Adler, You couldn't be talking about yourself now could you?"
    He chuckled. "You'll see soon enough. Volcorona, let's finish this once and for all with Fiery Dance!"
    "It shall be finished, but not on your terms, Adler! Garchomp, let's end this with Giga Impact!"


    Garchomp jetted off into the sky and charged downwards towards Volcorona with Giga Impact and Volcorona head upwards towards her opponent with an elegant Fiery Dance. When both of these titans clashed the entire stadium shook. As the smoke began to clear everything went black...

    A young girl shrieked as the thunder roared outside her window.
    "It's okay Kylie, the power just went out" said a dark-haired young man with gentle yet strong honey-colored eyes.


    Kylie the teal wide-eyed, rounded-pig tailed light brunette who had practically left him deaf gave him a comforted smile "Thanks, Ian".


    Thanks to the lightning the two friends were able to see one another. The lights then turned on and Kylie's mother and her Lilligant came inside her room to ask if they were alright, which they were. She also informed them that their friend Dallas couldn't make it to slumber party due to the weather.


    "Oh! Luckily tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day which is perfect for all three of you to start your journey" exclaimed Kylie's mom.


    Delilah as in Kylie's mother resembled Kylie to a tee minus Kylie's trendy hairstyle. She then air-kissed them goodnight as did her Lilligant. Sadly Kylie and Ian didn't get to see who won as the programming had moved on to a fashion show which featured Elesa the Nimbasa city gym leader. Elesa strutted the catwalk with a short blonde bob and her Emolga resting on her shoulder.


    "I can't wait to battle her" whispered Kylie.
    "I can't wait to battle her, Adler, and Cynthia!" replied Ian.
    "So beautiful" Said Kylie in awe of Elesa
    "Yeah, you are" mumbled Ian
    "Did you say something?" asked a dazed Kylie


    Ian pretended to have gone off to bed. The next morning Kylie's Rufflet alarm clock awakened them and the two headed off to Dallas' house.


    "Morning y'all" said Dallas with his light green curls and bright, toothy smile
    "We're taking my dad's Stoutland over to the bridge to meet Professor Juniper at her lab"
    "I can't believe this is finally happening" shouted Kylie on the top of her lungs
    "Sixteen whole years, at last" responded Ian
    "Hey! That's seventeen for me" laughed Dallas


    As the three rode Stoutland to where they would get their starter Pokémon.
    "Did you catch who won the championship” asked Ian.
    Dallas who was steering Stoutland looked back and said “Cynthia pulverized Adler’s Volcarona with her Garchomp’s Brick Break"
    "Wow! Well we're gonna have to do really well in the Unova League to even have a chance against Cynthia" smiled Kylie at Ian.
    “Actually, Cynthia’s sticking to Sinnoh meaning she let Adler keep his title here” laughed Dallas


    Dallas noticed Ian blushing and made kissy faces at the two of them. Ian's whole face went red and he ordered Dallas to keep his eyes on the road. The trio looked in awe as they drew closer to the lab the saw a flock of wild Pidove fly above they and Deerling along with Patrat roaming the Nuvema's streets. "Here we are!" announced Dallas as Stoutland came to a screeching halt which knocked Kylie and Ian off.


    A loud thud alerted Professor Juniper to come outside and check on what caused it.
    “Oh my Arceus! You must be Ian, Kylie, and Austin” sighed Prof. Juniper in relief
    “It’s Dallas not Austin” puffed Dallas


    The professor apologized and invited them to come in. Ian admired all the Klink circling freely across the lab.
    Juniper then presented the trio with their three lustrous pokeballs. Ian could barely contain himself and he snatched one of the pokeballs and threw it up into the air.
    “Oshaaa” yawned a small white and light blue otter-like creature
    “Exactly who I wanted an Oshawott” announced Ian who then went in for a hug
    “Osha!” Oshawott smacked Ian with his scalchop
    “Oshawott is quite the feisty one, eh” laughed Juniper half embarrassed
    “That’s exactly why I love it!” smiled Ian and he rubbed his redden forehead


    Oshawott was confused but then laughed as he jumped into Ian’s arms. Kylie decided to go with Tepig who blew out embers from his snout in excitement but then sneezed out smoke. Dallas went with Snivy who was less than thrilled as she crossed her arms in annoyance of everyone cheering. Juniper presented them with their pokedexes and explained their purpose.


    “Before you go I must warn you” said Juniper in a serious tone...

    To Be Continued!

    Start of a New, Electrifying Beginning!!!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...5#post15122345
    Check out my Fanfic Pokémon: Monochromatic! (Link Above!)

  2. #2
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    Chapter Two: ***** out of Order, Bat out of Hell
    “There’s been suspicious occurrences happening all throughout Unova both natural and unnatural and with all three of you traveling the region I can’t stress the dangers lurking out there” warned Juniper
    “Well luckily I have Oshawott” Ian locked eyes with his starter Pokémon
    “Osha! Osha!” the adorable little creature tapped his scalchop three times proudly
    “Don’t forget about Tepig” Kylie lifted her brand new friend up
    “Snivy too” Dallas went to go pick up the smug serpent but she shook her head

    Juniper gave them a reassured smile and wished them luck on her journey. The trio went to return Stoutland to Dallas’ father. Their families were there to send them off on their journey. Kylie’s mother gave her a tearful goodbye along with her Lilligant. Dallas’ father kept lecturing his son on and on while Ian’s parents were nowhere in sight. They were constantly busy but you think they could have taken some time off to wish their son well on his brand new adventure.


    “So I’m guessing we’re all doing this together, huh?” asked Dallas
    The three were making their way to Striaton City the destination of their first gym.
    “I don’t see why not. We’ve been talking about this since before trainer school” laughed Kylie
    “I don’t miss school that’s for sure” pouted Dallas
    “I don’t think anyone wants to remember getting straight Ds” joked Ian
    “Straight As for this gal” smiled Kylie as she nudged Ian
    “Hey, what’s that for I was the top battler” Ian pulled away his arm
    “Pup, pup” the trio heard something growling


    Dallas then spotted a small canine with furry, puffy paws and spike ears suddenly his emerald eyes went wide.
    “That’s a… That’s a… Lil… Lilli”
    Lillipup
    The Puppy Pokémon
    “The long hair around its face provides an amazing radar that lets it sense subtle changes in its surroundings.”

    “Thank you Dexy " Kylie loved her new pokedex
    “My Dad started his journey with one and now so will I, go Snivy” shouted Dallas as he tossed the poekball

    Snivy looked annoyed and appeared to have been resting. Dallas then ordered her to use Vine Whip. Snivy not pleased but willing to obey sprouted long, dark green vines but Lillipup’s small hairs detected them coming from behind him and he darted to the left thus dodging the attack. Lillipup charged towards Snivy with a Take Down.


    “Snivy, no!” Dallas couldn’t help but be worried
    Lillipup himself dove into the ground right after inflicting pain on Snivy.
    “Take Down causes recoil damage so now’s your chance Dallas” Kylie informed him.
    “Tackle on the double” commanded Dallas


    Snivy threw her body against Lillipup’s sending him flying. Dallas took the opportunity to secure capture and threw one of the pokeballs Juniper had given him. The red and white orbs spewed red energy that converted Lillipup into the same energy. After a few seconds of struggle Dallas had at last caught the puppy Pokémon.
    “Woohoo! I can’t wait to tell my dad that I’m gonna have a Stoutland just like him” announced Dallas
    ‘Snivy” smirked the usually pessimistic grass snake Pokémon


    The sun had started to set so the trio decided to set up camp. Kylie approached Ian with a subtle frown.
    “What’s wrong?” asked a concerned Ian
    “You, that’s who” answered Kylie as she cracked a smile
    “Me!” Ian was floored
    “I could see it on your face when your parents didn’t show. You’re not good with hiding how you feel Ian but you’ve got to know that your mom and dad love you and your Oshawott” Kylie laid her head on Ian’s shoulder
    “How do you know?” Ian tried to hold back tears
    “I’m not sure if I do know but why wouldn’t they” She took Oshawott’s pokeball and sent the little critter out
    “Oshawott loves you and he hasn’t known you for more than a day, right Oshawott?!” Kylie petted the sea otter


    Whenever Oshawott agreed or was happy he’d say Osha twice and tapped his scalchop three times and he did that just now. Ian laughed and hugged his new friend and thanked his old one. Night had fallen and all had gone to bed minus of course Ian and Oshawott. The two were staring at a sparkling lake. Ian began to tell Oshawott about what happen to him when he was younger and at this very lake.


    “I’ll never forget it Oshawott my parents and I were on our way to drop me off at trainer’s school and we stopped here for a lunch break. I remember how Dad had his Ferrothorn use pin missile to cut some pecha berries off some trees. They weren’t really paying attention to me and I accidentally fell into the lake and silly me didn’t know how to swim at the time. If only I had you back then I wouldn’t had been panicking and letting so much water in. I thought that was the end but then I looked up and saw some sort of Pokémon it had hooves and from what I can remember a beautiful bright orange mane. It was standing on the water! It then dove into the lake and grabbed me shirt with his mouth and it pulled me right up but before I could thank it for saving me it dashed off further down the lake. I tried telling my dad and my mom but they didn’t believe me and demanded why I had gotten soaked before my first day of school.” Ian’s eyes started to water but Oshawott wiped the tears as they began to fall. Oshawott’s own eyes began to water but Ian return the favor and whipped them.
    “I hope one day that I’ll meet that Pokémon again and maybe it can join you and I” Ian laughed off his sorrow. Right as Oshawott was about to tap his tiny shell he got distracted by rustling in the trees
    “Wooooooo!” shrieked a mysterious figure that came swooping down from the skies.


    To be continued!

    Start of a New, Electrifying Beginning!!!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...5#post15122345
    Check out my Fanfic Pokémon: Monochromatic! (Link Above!)

  3. #3
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    It all looks great. All you need to do is put spaces after a character talks. Other than that, it all looks good.

    Also, I love how you're using cliffhangers. Just don't overuse them. That might get annoying. Use cliffhangers for only the most important of situations. For example, you have a character in a dire situation that people want to see what happens next, then... They need to wait for the next chapter. They come back next time to see the ending. The only problem with that is overuse could tire out and annoy a reader. Luckily, I'm a sucker for cliffhangers. I love them, they keep me reading.

    But, all-in-all, great story. I'm interested. Keep it going!

    BTW- Try giving your story an age rating if you're going to swear of any kind. It keeps the mods off your back.

  4. #4

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    Wow! this is a great start to a story. A like how you showed all the characters traits , especially kylie and Ian, and i can't wait for more.
    I must say, i'm shocked at how similar our opening chapters were!
    One thing to pick up on is you should probably leave a gap for a new speaker, rather than just starting a new line, it is just a bit more proffesional.
    Good start!
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  5. #5
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    Hey, so you wanted some feedback :P

    Well it's nicely written and is an intriguing story, if I was going to suggest anything it would just be dialogue. The regular standard for fan-fics here is to break up every sentence that a new character starts speaking, example.

    "Hey," said Juniper.

    "Whats up," Alder replied.

    It just makes it easier for the reader to look at, apart from that this is a great start.

  6. #6
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    Chapter Three: The Pokémon Whisperer

    “Water Gun ASAP” commanded Ian

    Oshawott spewed high pressure water from his mouth which hit the winged creature hard. Ian pulled out his pokedex to identify whatever had attacked them.

    Woobat
    The Bat Pokémon
    Suction from its nostrils enables it to stick to cave walls during sleep. It leaves a heart-shaped mark behind. It emits ultrasonic waves from its nose to learn about its surroundings.


    Woobat was covered in a shaggy tuft and its single tooth was more adorable then it was intimidating. She was angered by Oshawott and Ian attacking her and she launched Air Cutter which looked like ninja stars made out of the air currents. Ian having been the top battler in his class back in trainer school he had the perfect counter attack.


    “Defend at once by spinning your Razor shell” shouted Ian


    Oshawott’s scalchop glowed teal and he spun it to create a shield that negated Air Cutter. Woobat shrieked and launched Heart Stamp from her heart shaped nostril. It smacked Oshawott right in his face. Oshawott stood right back up and tapped his shell three times and cried out “Osha Osha”


    “Razor Blade once more” ordered Ian with a sly smile on his face


    Oshawott slashed Woobat sideways and then it occurred to Ian that this Woobat was quite strong and he would love for it to be on his team. Ian threw his pokeball and for what seemed like an eternity Woobat had given up struggling and now was captured by her now proud trainer Ian. Dallas had awakened to see what the ruckus was and Ian announced his newest friend. Dallas was thrilled but too tired to express it. When the morning sun had came our heroes were arriving in Accumula Town.

    “What’s going on here” asked Kylie to no one in particular


    “Looks like they threw a party for our arrival” joked Dallas


    “Looks more like some sort of town meeting” said Ian slightly concerned


    A man who had to be at least six foot five with green hair with traces of grey and some sort of red eyeglass covering one of his eyes started to give a very vague speech and Ian couldn’t help but grow frustrated by the man. The speech went like this.
    "My name is Ghetsis. I am here representing Team Plasma. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to talk to you about Pokémon liberation. I'm sure most of you believe that we humans and Pokémon are partners that have come to live together because we want and need each other. However... Is that really the truth? Have you ever considered that perhaps we humans... only assume that this is the truth? Pokémon are subject to the selfish commands of Trainers... They get pushed around when they are our "partners" at work... Can anyone say with confidence that there is no truth in what I'm saying? Now, ladies and gentlemen, Pokémon are different from humans. They are living beings that contain unknown potential. They are living beings from whom we humans have much to learn. Tell me, what is our responsibility toward these wonderful beings called Pokémon? That's right! We must liberate the Pokémon! Then, and only then, will humans and Pokémon truly be equals. Everyone, I end my words here today by imploring you to consider the relationship between people and Pokémon... and the correct way to proceed. We sincerely appreciate your attention."


    “How to you dare you say that we trainers use our Pokémon, our friends for selfish reasons only” shouted Ian with clenched fists.


    “Ian, don’t” begged Kylie


    “No! I see right through your façade and something about your preacher ways doesn’t seem right. (Ian’s Oshawott came out of his pokeball by himself and hugged his friend’s leg) Oshawott and I perfect for each other and we have a new buddy Woobat and not to mention Snivy, Lillipup, and Tepig” shouted an unafraid Ian


    Like clockwork all those Pokémon Ian had named came out of their pokeballs and stood proudly by their trainers. It was strange how they had hardly met each other yet felt so close to Kylie, Ian, and Dallas already. Ghetsis simply smirked as the rest of the crowd looked inspired. Ghetsis and his troops who had the letter P slapped on their uniforms retreated.


    ‘What’s your name, kid” asked an amused Ghetsis


    “Ian” answered Ian


    After Ghetsis and his ghouls had left the crowd dispersed and held their Cottonee, Pidove, and Patrat tightly. Then a small clap came from behind the trio and as they turned there stood a young man not much older than them in a white ensemble with a cap on top of his tea green ponytailed hair. His gray eyes sparkled at the sight of Ian and his friends.

    “That was quite impressive how you stood up to, to that, that man” stuttered the young man


    “Wow! Dallas he could be your brother” cried out Kylie


    “I guess I can see it, who are you exactly dude” asked Dallas as he scratched his darker shade of green hair


    “How rude of me not to introduce myself I am N and I wish to challenge you” N pointed at Ian


    “Why is that” Ian was shocked by this challenge

    N explained that he felt that they just had two and how it should be a one on one battle. Ian agreed to the battle with Dallas being the referee. N tossed up a nest ball which was usually for weaker Pokémon and out came a slender feline. Kylie took out Dexy her pokedex and analyzed the purple colored, big eared creature.

    Purrloin
    The Devious Pokémon
    Their cute act is a ruse. They trick people and steal their valuables just to see the looks on their faces


    “Ready to go, Woobat” said Ian to his latest addition


    “Are you sure Ian? Why not Oshawott” asked Dallas from the sidelines


    “I have faith in both of them” Ian reassured his companion.


    “Fury Swipes” commanded N


    Purrloin pounced and started swiping his sharp claws into Woobat. Purrloin was swift but Ian knew Woobat could withstand the barrage and he had her blast Air Cutter close range which sent Purrloin back at least a couple meters.

    “Air Cutter, STAT!” shouted Ian


    “Fury Swipes again” yelled N


    Purrloin’s lightning fast paws deflected Air Cutter which made Ian sweat quite a bit but he recalled using his pokedex to see what other moves Woobat .


    “Time for our secret weapon! Attract” smiled Ian


    Yellow hearts came rushing out of Woobat’s nostrils and gently touched Purrloin’s nose. Purrloin was immobilized by his love for Woobat. N simply smirked as Woobat delivered the finishing blow with Air Cutter. Ian knew Heart Stamp would have no effect on the dark type Purrloin. N returned his fallen Pokémon. N then went up to Ian’s Oshawott and stared into his eyes.

    “Oshawott truly has taken a liking to you Ian and so has Woobat” N spoke softly


    “Thank you and thanks for the battle” said a confused Ian


    “But it would be better to release them back into the wild. Congrats on winning by the way. Farewell” said N as he walked away.


    Are heroes looked puzzled but then Ian smiled at his Woobat for her first ever battle and win.

    To Be Continued…

    Start of a New, Electrifying Beginning!!!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...5#post15122345
    Check out my Fanfic Pokémon: Monochromatic! (Link Above!)

  7. #7
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    So I see now that you're using your own characters to follow the Gen 5 story line. Thats actually a good idea since we get to follow an idea that we know, but we're also learning about new people as well, rather than old characters. I like this idea. Actually, I wrote a version of Emerald using my own character to run through the story line.

    Anyway... I can't wait to see what other ideas you plan on giving us!

  8. #8
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    Chapter Four: The Girl Who Dare To Dream

    The trio continues their way towards Striation for their first gym battle. Ian has Oshawott holding onto his head while Kylie has Tepig in her arms with Dallas’ Snivy walking beside him with her teeny tiny arms crossed. They come across what appears to be a research facility in ruins. A heavy, dark pink mist is covering the area.


    “What’s going on here?” asked Kylie as she held Tepig tighter


    “More like what is here?” answered Ian with another question


    “Munna! Musharna! Where are you two” coughed a young lady with long violet hair.


    “Miss, do you need any help?” cried out Ian


    The young lady with fashionable lenses came up to the trio and explained how some horrible intruders invaded her lab and they way she described their uniforms had the letter P slapped on them Ian knew it had to Ghetsis and his goons. She went on to tell them how they disrupted her Murshana’s slumber which angered her causing her psychic powers to destroy the lab and now she couldn’t find her or her Munna. Without even going over it the trio decided to help her look. Ian sent out his Woobat and her look over the ruins but first Dallas pulled out his pokedex Dextrix to give our heroes a visual of Munna and Murshana.


    Munna
    The Dream Eater Pokémon
    It eats the dreams of people and Pokémon. When it eats a pleasant dream, it expels pink-colored mist.


    Musharna
    The Drowsing Pokémon and the evolve form of Munna
    The mist emanating from their foreheads is packed with the dreams of people and Pokémon.



    Munna was colored pink with a purple floral pattern while Musharna’s head was a cream color and the rest of her body was purple. Dallas sent out his Lillipup who started to sniff around. Kylie and Tepig who were now separated from the group since they had dispersed came across something remarkable. The mist started to swirl around and create a bubble that showed Musharna being attacked by Team Plasma. The pain in her face made Kylie sick and she started to tear up.


    “She must be having nightmares of what happened” Kylie told her trusted Tepig.


    “Te, te, Tepig” Tepig’s candy red snout pointed towards the right


    “Venoshock that miserable Munna” commanded a raspy voice


    Electricity in many different shades of purple highlighted the poor Munna in pain. Munna’s cries left Kylie no choice but to go in and Tepig was ahead of her. Tepig hopped on an enormous mushroom but then was knocked off by it. Both Kylie and Tepig were stunned to see that it was a Pokémon. The very Pokémon was the one who was attacking Munna and the one ordering it around was one of Team Plasma. He had orange hair and his renaissance uniform had the signature P. He wasn’t please to see Kylie because he recognized her from Accumula Town.


    “Amoonguss, venoshock that itty bitty piggy” shouted the goon


    “Dodge it and dazzle them with ember” Kylie had a look of determination on her face.


    Tepig darted left and right avoiding the venomous bolts and blasted fiery sparks from his snout. Amoonguss didn’t appear to have taken much damage. The goon laughed and orders it to use Solarbeam. As the mushroom headed monster started to collect sunlight. Kylie had Tepig dash towards it.


    “Flame Charge max power” smiled Kylie


    Tepig became engulfed in flames and he rammed into Amoonguss and this time it was knocked out cold. Dallas with his Snivy and Lillipup came right after. The goon knew he was busted but he ran off with Munna. Dallas had Snivy use Vine Whip to trip the goon while Tepig caught Munna and his back. To ensure the ghoul wouldn’t run off Snivy trapped him with leech seed. Meanwhile Ian and the young woman who was named Fennel had found Murshana but she was too upset to cooperate with them.


    “She needs Munna or else she won’t stop” Fennel pointed out to how to dream mist was creating images of Musharna’s dream of her and Munna playing in the forest, in the lab, and on the beach.


    “No need to worry” laughed Kylie who had Munna in her arms.


    As soon as Murshana saw her beloved Munna she stopped producing such heavy mist and it became lifter and a softer shade of pink. Off in the distance stood Ghetsis with two member of Team Plasma on the side of him.


    “Looks like we have to worry about the girl as well” grunted Ghetsis


    Fennel reassured the trio that everything would be okay once they reconstruct the lab plus the officer Jenny was on her way to pick the goon. She then turn to Kylie and explain how she was the true hero and how she was forever grateful. Dallas had told them all how amazing Kylie was in her first battle and how Tepig demolished that Amoonguss. Fennel pulled out a pokeball and presented it to Kylie


    “I’m assuming you’re all trainers and are heading for the Striaton gym, correct?” asked Fennel


    “Yes, ma’am that would be correct but why are you giving me this” asked Kylie


    “Seeing how you have Tepig, you’ll go against Cress and his water type Pokémon so you’ll need this little guy to help you” explained Fennel


    “C’mon Kylie you deserve it” laughed Dallas


    “Alright then, c’mon out whoever you!” Kylie gladly accepted the pokeball and tossed it up and the Pokémon that came out had large ears, a tuft on it’s that looked like broccoli, and the biggest smile you have ever seen.


    “Pan, Pansage” the green colored Pokémon bounced up and down


    “Oh wow! He’s so cute, he’s, he’s too cute! Thank you Fennel and hi Pansage what do you say wanna join me and Tepig” smiled Kylie


    Pansage climbed on Kylie face and started using lick. His tongue soaked Kylie’s perfect skin but she was a good sport about it.


    “I think that’s Pansage’s way of saying of course” snickered Fennel


    Everybody laughed and the noise of sirens could be heard indicating officer Jenny had arrived. Now our heroes would be heading off to Striaton city for their first gym battle.

    To be continued…

    Start of a New, Electrifying Beginning!!!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...5#post15122345
    Check out my Fanfic Pokémon: Monochromatic! (Link Above!)

  9. #9

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    Its interesting to see how you are incorperating team plasma into things and i'm intersted in whether it will follow the pattern of the games or whether you will add your own twist to the story.
    Kylie and Tepig who were now separated from the group since they had dispersed came across something remarkable. The mist started to swirl around and create a bubble that showed Musharna being attacked by Team Plasma. The pain in her face made Kylie sick and she started to tear up.
    However, in the dreamyard i found it quit hard to figure out what what going on. When i read this paragraph i was rather confused as to what was going on, e.g. what mist?
    Still good start keep it up
    Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

    Pokemon: Kanto Legends

    Come on the Mighty Infernape!

  10. #10
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    Good, good. I am impressed. I like how you fight Team Plasma before rather than after the first gym battle. Now you have me wondering what other twists that you have up your sleeves.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klizcool View Post
    Good, good. I am impressed. I like how you fight Team Plasma before rather than after the first gym battle. Now you have me wondering what other twists that you have up your sleeves.
    I'm coming back! Sorry for being gone for so many months but now I have the proper resources and with the 6th generation coming in a few months I will not extend my chapters to be 2-3 chapters in one so stay tuned!

    Start of a New, Electrifying Beginning!!!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...5#post15122345
    Check out my Fanfic Pokémon: Monochromatic! (Link Above!)

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