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Thread: The Pokemon Threat!

  1. #1
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    Default The Pokemon Threat!

    Chapter One, A New Beginning!

    Deep within a forest, in a small field of blooming flowers was a Houndour, many Pokemon were afraid of the Houndour, mostly because they knew Houndour and Houndoom had bad history. Nobody trusted him, and so he had no friends, if the Pokemon got to know him, just a little, then they would realize that Blaze wasn't a bad Pokemon. Blaze was asleep on the soft green grass, he was slowly swaying side to side as his paw slowed pawed his face. The wind whistled softly and a small green leaf landed on his small black nose. His nose twitched a little, from the looks of him, he seemed quite young, he looked about 13, he slowly woke up and gave out a stretch as the green leaf blew off in the wind. His eyes slowly opened as they took in his surroundings. He began his daily routine, he walked to the lake and as he got there he began to lap up the water as his tail swayed, the Pokemon slowly backed away from him, making sure they got some distance as the water rippled everytime he lapped up the clear blue water. He hated the fact that everytime he came the Pokemon backed away without even letting him get a chance to show them he wasn't bad. He gave a sigh and once he was done lapping the water, he slowly walked in the lake, the lake bubbled a little with his body heat, as of course, since he was a Houndour, he was hotter than some Pokemon. Now all alone like usual as he bathed, he began to think to himself.

    'Why, why must I always be alone? Why doesn't anyone give me a chance? It's not fair, I wish, I wish somebody, anybody, would just give me a chance to prove myself, if it wasn't for who I was, if I wasn't a Houndour, then Pokemon be afraid of me. Why do I have to be a Houndour? Why dose the Houndour and Houndoom have to be so evil, so vicious, why can't they just stop?'

    He gave a sigh and then got out, he shook his fur and slowly walked towards some trees, there were a few berries on the floor of all kinds, he began to collect some berries and eat them. Once he had eaten, he began to search for something fun to do, although, that was getting harder everyday since he had no friends. As he walked, he listened to the whistling wind, the swaying trees, he listened to nature. It calmed him down a lot, he took a deep breath and a smile slid on his face as his tail swayed in the wind.

    Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest was a large lake, all the Pokemon were playing happily, talking and relaxing, some were just watching the clear blue sky and some were just observing nature at it's best. An Eevee called Aura was talking to an Vulpix called Blitz. The two were great friends, they had known each other for a very long time. Aura looked after Blitz, and Blitz looked after Aura. It was almost like they were brother and sister. Neither of them had a trainer, but they knew a Zorua who had a trainer, Shadow always came to the large lake to see the two, the three were great friends, although neither Aura or Blitz had met Shadow's trainer. Shadow had called the trainer Vince Uka. She said that he was a great trainer, with powerful Pokemon.

    "So, Blitz, have you seen Shadow recently? She is normally here by now. It's not like her to be late. I know you said not to worry so much, but I just can't help it. Shadow is a great friend of ours, and if anything bad happened to her, I don't know what I would do. I know she has a trainer now, but she promised me she would become strong and wouldn't get badly hurt."

    Blitz gave a smile and then licked Aura's ear, he snuggled up to her friendlily as he tried to comfit her. He then looked at her, he gave another smile and shook his head a little.

    "Don't worry Aura, Shadow is fine, I know it. Like you said she has a trainer now, so she might be late every so often. Nothing bad will happen to her, she promised that, but what she must learn is, there will be Pokemon stronger than her, and she will get hurt, but, with her trainer by her side, she will be fine."

    He gave her a small smile and they cuddled together, none of them tried to make a move on each other, the thought of it never went through their heads, which really annoyed Shadow since she had been trying to one of them make a move on each other secretly but whatever she tried, failed. She sighed, she asked the birds to sing with a soft smile, then she stared at the setting sun. Shadow had made a really romantic scene, one of her best, she picked a berry while she watched in the large hedge. She hoped that this would work, hoping that Blitz would make his first move, but still, nothing. None of them seemed to take notice of the romantic scene. So, Shadow decided to try one last thing. She walked out of the bushes and then stood in front of them. Aura's worried face suddenly lit up, but it quickly turned back to worry as she noticed that Shadow wasn't happy. Blitz looked at Aura, then to Shadow, he wondered what was wrong with her, as normally she was cheerful.

    "I want you two to kiss, you heard me right, I want you to kiss each other as I have been trying for years now, to get one of you to make a move, but now I've had enough, the reason I got captured, is because I let myself be captured. So you two can be alone, you have known each other for years now, longer than you known me. Your the perfect couple, yet you don't do anything. It's so frustrating! So we are not leaving here until I see you two kiss, we are not doing nothing, until you two kiss. Now, go ahead."

    Aura blushed deeply as Blitz looked away, she looked at the sun set and finally, took notice of the singing birds. She never once thought about kissing Blitz, or Blitz kissing her, and she knew he felt the same way as she did. The two looked at each other shyly, not sure if they should kiss, Shadow just sat down, watching the two. As they slowly went in for the kiss, a Magikarp broke the mood by splashing the three, then quickly swimming away, now soaked, the two laughed and shook themselves dry while Shadow was ready to explode with anger and frustration. She began to breath in and out heavily as she tried to calm herself down, she didn't care if she was soaked. All she wanted is to get the two to kiss, and it wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. Once again, she stared at the two, her soaking wet fur still dripping. Her eyes telling them to get it over with. Once again, they looked away, then slowly turned to each other, they slowly moved in for the kiss, and just before their lips touched, Shadow heard her name being called by Vince, and once again, the mood was broken. Shadow sighed, then ran off to Vince, still annoyed and frustrated. Vince was a long tall man, spikey red hair with shiny blue eyes, his dark red t-shirt was ripped in several places, but that was how he liked it. His Black jeans were torn a little, he walked through the forest with Shadow by his side, unaware that he broke the romantic scene that Shadow has worked so hard to make.
    Last edited by DragonKingUK; 23rd September 2012 at 2:05 PM.
    I am back again, and now made a new fic called The Pokemon Threat, it will have crossbreeds and mutated Pokemon in it, hopefully it will be my best, but am not sure, reviews would be VERY welcome.

  2. #2
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    Please read the Fan Fiction Rules before posting. Each chapter must beat least two pages long written on Microsoft Word. Also, please don't centre your story, it is incredibly distracting.

    As for the story...well, there isn't much to it. Part of the problem is that you only summarize what's happening - Blaze did this, Blitz did that, Shadow talking about this. That is called "telling." What you want to do is show us what's happening by showing us Blaze going about his routine, describing his thoughts and feelings. Instead of telling us that Blitz and Aura are like siblings, show us what they do that creates such a strong bond. Show us a conversation between them and Shadow so we get an idea of what her life is like and what she thinks. Etcetera.

    Please take the time to really work on a fic before posting it. Save it to your computer and reread it a few times before posting it, finding ways to make sure it's the best it can be before posting. Also read some other fics and see how they do it. Good luck.

    ~Psychic

  3. #3
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    Ok I have made my edits, I haven't got Microsoft Word, so I can't actually use it, thank you very much for the advice, it has helped a lot.
    I am back again, and now made a new fic called The Pokemon Threat, it will have crossbreeds and mutated Pokemon in it, hopefully it will be my best, but am not sure, reviews would be VERY welcome.

  4. #4
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    On that note, there's some alternatives. At worst you can always use the simplest kind of text editor you have, even if it's notepad.

    Other non-word options include OpenOffice (uses .doc like word, but is free to download), or google docs (just need an email account with them; there you can store documents online).

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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  5. #5
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    Chapter Two, The Beginning of Romance!

    Blaze was still roaming around the forest, bored out of his mind. He was about to give up when all a sudden he heard a soft call from a Pokemon, he looked around to see if anyone was around, then he slowly walked through the bushes, there, on the floor was a Poochyena bleeding and dying. Blaze didn't know what to do, he looked around, then when he was sure nobody was around, Blaze stepped onto the soft grass and over to the Poochyena. Blaze slowly got down to the floor, and nuzzled his cuts. The weather was about to get bad, and that wouldn't be good for the injured Poochyena. Blaze moved him to a safe and dry area and began to lick of the blood in his fur. The Poochyena was shaking in fear and pain, he never trusted Houndour's but this one seemed to be helping him. The two looked each other in the eyes, then Houndour continued to clean the blood and the cuts of the Poochyena. Blaze smiled at him and then nuzzled his muzzle.

    "You should be ok now, Ive cleaned your fur and your cuts, just rest here and let yourself heal. My name is Blaze. What happened to you anyway? How did you get this injured?"

    The Poochyena looked away as he thought for a moment, he gave a lick to Blaze's muzzle, being grateful and thankful that he saved his life. The Poochyena gave a sad smile then closed his eyes for a moment. After a few minutes the Poochyena slowly opened his eyes, then began to speak in a sad and shaky voice.

    "Thank.....thank you Blaze. I thought I was going to die, especially when I saw a Houndour. I was attacked, by a group of Houndoom, they ripped me to pieces, I was lucky they left me for dead, or I wouldn't of met you just now, and you wouldn't of saved me. Thank You Blaze again. My name is Poochie."

    He gave a sad smile, and licked Blaze's muzzle once more, the two looked at each other's eyes, then it suddenly began to rain and thunder. It would be bad to go out in this weather, Blaze looked at Poochie and slowly licked his muzzle back, this was the first time in ever he had a friend like this. He snuggled up to Poochie to keep him warm and safe. The cuts would need time to heal.

    Blitz and Aura were staring at each other in awkward silence, slowly the two looked away, they turned their heads to Shadow as she was leaving and thought about what she had said. Not once did they thought about kissing, but now, they couldn't help but think about it. Blitz and Aura found a place to hide from the bad weather, they snuggled up together to keep each other warm, once again they looked in each other in the eyes, ever so slowly, they got closer and closer, then their noses touched. The two quickly turned away in shyness. Blitz looked back at Aura and gave a small smile.

    "Aura......do you think......we would work out? What if Shadow is right? We never actually gave it a try, maybe if we try it once, well.......I....I don't know. Maybe......"

    He looked away then Aura looked at Blitz, she smiled shyly and started to go a little red, her tail swayed in the wind as she thought about it more and more.

    "Well, am not sure, I never been out with anyone before, I never really kissed anyone. Maybe Shadow is right, but maybe she is wrong, but will we ever know unless we.....well.....try it? I don't know where to start though...."

    Blitz looked back at Aura, their hearts were now pumping, ever so slowly they moved in, their noses pressed together once again, this time, they kept them pressed together, the two stared into each others eyes, their hearts pumping fast.

    End of Chapter Two!
    I am back again, and now made a new fic called The Pokemon Threat, it will have crossbreeds and mutated Pokemon in it, hopefully it will be my best, but am not sure, reviews would be VERY welcome.

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