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Thread: Tell a joke, die laughing -- New and improved!

  1. #51
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    what do u get when u cross a fly, a pet and a car?

    a flying carpet.
    #AlphaSapphire
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  2. #52
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    A joke? Lief Garret's career.

    ...

    No? Okay. These aren't quite jokes but some of them are mildly entertaining.



    If pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of progress is...

    House guarded by shotgun 3 days a week. Guess which days.

    At the bus station, the bus stops... At the train station, the train stops... On my desk I have a work station...

    Religion, the right way; your god died nailed to a tree. My god carries a hammer. Any questions? Didn't think so.


    Yeah, I'm not funny at all. Sorry.
    “The God of the old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; petty, unjust, unforgiving, control freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty, ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. Those of us schooled from infancy in his ways can become desensitized to their horror."

    ~Richard Dawkins


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  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sevensevens View Post
    A joke? Lief Garret's career.

    ...

    No? Okay. These aren't quite jokes but some of them are mildly entertaining.



    If pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of progress is...

    House guarded by shotgun 3 days a week. Guess which days.

    At the bus station, the bus stops... At the train station, the train stops... On my desk I have a work station...

    Religion, the right way; your god died nailed to a tree. My god carries a hammer. Any questions? Didn't think so.


    Yeah, I'm not funny at all. Sorry.
    lol i didnt get the shotgun one but the rest are funny.

    what do u cally a sleepy skelliton?


    ...lazy bones
    #AlphaSapphire
    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
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  4. #54
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    I tried to make a good chemistry pun, but all the good ones argon.

    ...On second thought, how about we take all these bad chemistry jokes... and barium.


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  5. #55
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    What do you get if you cross Arceus, Gligar, Dragonite, Spinda, and Stunfisk?

    Either one heck of a Pokemon or a huge mess.
    Author thread post:
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpos...6&postcount=80
    Claims: Rampardos, Rival Silver, and Zoo Tycoon 2
    Competitive Pokemon (in training): (etc.)

  6. #56
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    What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a pet?

    a flying carpet!

    EDIT: Darn it! It was done before!
    Last edited by Lluc; 17th November 2012 at 3:38 AM.

  7. #57
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    Problem: You have a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage. You must get all three and yourself to the other side of the river on a boat; however, the boat only holds two, and you cannot leave the goat with the cabbage or the wolf with the goat.

    Solution:
    1. Take the goat across.
    2. Return alone.
    3. Take the cabbage across.
    4. Leave the wolf. Why did you have a wolf?

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flame Mistress View Post
    Problem: You have a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage. You must get all three and yourself to the other side of the river on a boat; however, the boat only holds two, and you cannot leave the goat with the cabbage or the wolf with the goat.

    Solution:
    1. Take the goat across.
    2. Return alone.
    3. Take the cabbage across.
    4. Leave the wolf. Why did you have a wolf?
    xkcd much?

    Anyway...

    What did the chemistry teacher say when he dropped a beaker of nitroglycerin?

    1.) "Sorry, it was an oxidant!"
    or 2.) Nothing. He'd be dead if he dropped a beaker full of nitroglycerin.


    Pokémon Quiz Bowl. It's a thing.

    Every time you have a bad day, just go to Advanced Search, enter "Him in the Court" in the User Name box, and voila.
    I claim Vanillite because it is best Pokémon.

    PEOPLE OF EARTH -- WE ARE YOUR ZILTOIDIAN OVERLORDS.
    RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.


  9. #59
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    A horse walks into a bar.

    The bartender asks "why the long face?"

    The horse says "my wife is a cow and my son is an ***"
    Last edited by Rx Queen; 26th November 2012 at 9:32 PM.

  10. #60
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    are we keeping them clean? Because I have a semi-dirty one.

  11. #61
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    Heisenberg may or may not have walked into a bar. (But we do know his momentum, however)

    Schrödinger walked into a bar, but didn't at the same time.


    Pokémon Quiz Bowl. It's a thing.

    Every time you have a bad day, just go to Advanced Search, enter "Him in the Court" in the User Name box, and voila.
    I claim Vanillite because it is best Pokémon.

    PEOPLE OF EARTH -- WE ARE YOUR ZILTOIDIAN OVERLORDS.
    RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.


  12. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by WaterTrainer121 View Post
    I tried to make a good chemistry pun, but all the good ones argon.

    ...On second thought, how about we take all these bad chemistry jokes... and barium.
    A joke about Potassium? K.

    What elements do cats like? Iron, Lithium and Neon.

    Any Jokes about Sodium? 'Na'


    A man walks into a bar and asks for some H2O. His friend goes to the bar and says 'I'd like some H2O too.' He died.
    Every story has an ending. Nothing lasts forever. Not any more.
    Read My Epic Fanfic -

        Spoiler:- Thanks to DeadlyBraviary!:

  13. #63
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    Argon walks into a bar.
    The bartender denies it service.
    Argon didn't react.

    Also... What is the most important rule in chemistry?
        Spoiler:- lolz:


    Pokémon Quiz Bowl. It's a thing.

    Every time you have a bad day, just go to Advanced Search, enter "Him in the Court" in the User Name box, and voila.
    I claim Vanillite because it is best Pokémon.

    PEOPLE OF EARTH -- WE ARE YOUR ZILTOIDIAN OVERLORDS.
    RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.


  14. #64

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    Jesus walks into a bar and says "I'll just have a glass of water".

  15. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by NintendoCoke View Post
    Jesus walks into a bar and says "I'll just have a glass of water".
    i think i get it but im not sure, i see one of 2 cases here.

    what does a bee sit on?

    ...u guessed it, his BEE-hind.
    #AlphaSapphire
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  16. #66
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    If Silver Surfer and Iron Man were friends they would be alloys

    3239 - 4598 - 6259
    Last.fm | Author Profile

  17. #67
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    Two muffins are in an oven, one licks the other and says, "Is it hot in here?"
    The other muffin says, "HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN!"
    Nothing interesting here. Carry on.
    Author's Profile

  18. #68
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    Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    You can roast beef, but you can't pee soup!
    [IMG]http://i43.*******.com/343jiwx.png[/IMG]
    Keeping the classics alive

  19. #69
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    A giraffe, a zombie, a panda and a Buffalo walk into a bar.
    The barman says "Is this meant to be some kind of a joke?"

    If school gives knowledge, knowledge gives power, power leads to greed and greed is evil, does that school is evil?

    If telemarketers call give them your 3-year old sibling and tell your sibling it's santa.


    Dammit, I've been practically dead. Too busy fighting demons and shadows.......* points evoker at head*....... back to work...* fires*



    † I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†

  20. #70
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    This one is lame:
    Why did the Larvitar eat a mountain?
    To get its minerals. *ba dum tsss*
    Four Shinies now! Zara (Audino, female) (10/24/12), Kiki (Ledian, female) (10/16/13), Ivy (Carnivine, female) (10/31/13), Hoshi (Relicanth, male) (11/16/13)
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  21. #71
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    a skeleton walks into a bar...

    ...orders a beer...

    ...and a mop.

  22. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by WaterTrainer121 View Post
    Argon walks into a bar.
    The bartender denies it service.
    Argon didn't react.

    Also... What is the most important rule in chemistry?
        Spoiler:- lolz:
    Did you hear about Oxygen's date with Potassium? It went OK.

    Two chemists walk into a bar.
    The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".
    The second chemist says to his friend, "You know, we're not on the job, you don't have to say H2O." To the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water too."
    The first chemist goes to the bathroom and cries because his assassination attempt has failed.

    Got mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.

    Sorry

  23. #73
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    Here is one :
    Pessimist looking at glass of water: It's half empty
    Optimist looking at glass of water: It's half full
    Chemist looking at glass of water: It's full. Half in liquid state and half in gaseous state.

    Here is another :

    Q - Whats the similarity between a rhino and elephant ?
    A - None of them can ride a bicycle !

    Quote Originally Posted by Skyler 99 View Post
    Got mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.
    Lol !
    Last edited by carboncopy; 27th December 2012 at 2:31 PM.

  24. #74
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    What did two Generation 1 Pokemon say when they watched Timone and Pumba?

    Kakuna Rattata, oh what a wonderful phrase.

  25. #75
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    A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave it to her.
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

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