Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 76 to 100 of 120

Thread: Tell a joke, die laughing -- New and improved!

  1. #76
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    6

    Default

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    And on the subject of chemistry ones, not really a joke but...
    Little Jimmy's dead and gone,
    his eyes will see no more.
    For what he thought was H2O
    was H2SO4.
    Arceus is the god of pokemon? Autocorrect got Articuno really wrong that time...
    Try out the monotype room on Pokemon Showdown!

  2. #77
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Dinosaur Planet
    Posts
    3,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by carboncopy View Post
    Here is one :
    Pessimist looking at glass of water: It's half empty
    Optimist looking at glass of water: It's half full
    Chemist looking at glass of water: It's full. Half in liquid state and half in gaseous state.
    Engineer looking at a glass of water: It's twice as big as it should be

    ^ Click this for good times ^


  3. #78
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Your computer screen.
    Posts
    1,755

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gelatino95 View Post
    Engineer looking at a glass of water: It's twice as big as it should be
    Realist: Drinks glass of water for nourishment.
    PASBL: Un-re-retired

  4. #79
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Didney Worl
    Posts
    715

    Default

    Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, she gets stuck in the air.


    Number of Genwunners = 100
    Number of people accused of being a Genwunner = 100 000 000 000 000 000
    Number of people complaning about Genwunners = 100 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

  5. #80
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Black Skyscraper
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Yo Mama so fat,
    she doesn't need internet...

    she's already worldwide!


    I could only find yo mama jokes, sorry.
    Black 2 Friend Code: 4900-4933-8066

    I can trade:

    Lickie by PopPrincess_Lyra

  6. #81
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Didney Worl
    Posts
    715

    Default

    Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.


    Number of Genwunners = 100
    Number of people accused of being a Genwunner = 100 000 000 000 000 000
    Number of people complaning about Genwunners = 100 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

  7. #82
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Black Skyscraper
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Yo Mama so stupˇd,
    she got fired at the M&M factory...

    for throwing out the Ws!


    inb4anotheryomamajoke
    Black 2 Friend Code: 4900-4933-8066

    I can trade:

    Lickie by PopPrincess_Lyra

  8. #83
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Didney Worl
    Posts
    715

    Default

    What do you call a fish without an eye?

    Fsh.


    Number of Genwunners = 100
    Number of people accused of being a Genwunner = 100 000 000 000 000 000
    Number of people complaning about Genwunners = 100 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

  9. #84
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Didney Worl
    Posts
    715

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragontail View Post
    What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

    A bench can support a family of 4!

    What do you call a black priest?

    Holy &*!@

    What do you call a group of white people going down a hill?

    Avalanche!


    What do you call a group of white people going down a hill?

    The white people pushed by Mexicans and Blacks after using the first 2 jokes.


    Number of Genwunners = 100
    Number of people accused of being a Genwunner = 100 000 000 000 000 000
    Number of people complaning about Genwunners = 100 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

  10. #85
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Hoenn
    Posts
    2,930

    Default

    all the yo mamma jokes and not one chuck norris joke?

    chuck norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes.

    chuck norris doesnt dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

    when chuck norris jumps into a lake he doesnt get wet, the lake gets chuck norrised.
    #PokemonMoon #PokemonVGC2017

    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    If you have a question about my religion, or wish to discuss my religion, the Bible, or anything related to this topic, feel free to PM or VM me, take a look at the information in my profile or visit our official website.

  11. #86
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,087

    Default

    Did you hear about the newlywed couple in South Korea?

    They're Seoul-mates.

  12. #87
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Little Rock, AR
    Posts
    17

    Default

    "Prof. Oak: You have worked hard to become the new League Champion.
    Red: Hell yeah i did. I had to listen to a *** saying he likes effin' SHORTS. I had to rub the back of a seasick captain. I had to put an effin' Marowak's spirit to rest. And I had to put up with the **** your stupid grandson kept saying to me like "Hey loser!" or "Smell Ya Later". Just to figure out HE was the Champion. Yeah thanks, Oak. >
    Prof. Oak: ....Ooook? o_0", from Luigifan1 on YouTube. Keep the jokes relevant.

  13. #88
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New York, USA
    Posts
    81

    Thumbs up

    Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?

    A: Princess Diana never became Queen of England.

  14. #89
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Where ever I may roam
    Posts
    638

    Default

    Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in 3 turns

    When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push up, he pushes the ground down.

    Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg

    Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built himself.
    [IMG]http://i43.*******.com/343jiwx.png[/IMG]
    Keeping the classics alive

  15. #90
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Little Rock, AR
    Posts
    17

    Default

    Awesome lower picture.

  16. #91
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Memories' Skyscraper
    Posts
    322

    Default

    tried to replicate shrodingers cat. I didn't need to look to find out what had happened


    Dammit, I've been practically dead. Too busy fighting demons and shadows.......* points evoker at head*....... back to work...* fires*



    † I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†

  17. #92
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    4

    Default

    What do you do when an Egyptian hurts his back?
    Call a Cairopractor.

    *crickets*

  18. #93
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    165

    Default

    Why did the mexican push his wife off a cliff?
    Tequila




    evolution Items I am giving away:
    firestone x15
    metal coat x3
    up grade
    water stone x19
    sun stone x2
    King's rock x2
    Dragon scale x2
    Razor claw
    moon stone x2
    thunderstone x5
    magmarizer x5
    sachet x3
    oval stone
    deep sea scale x2
    prism scale
    dawn stone
    everstone x3
    My 3ds fc:4441 9598 4755

  19. #94
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Lost as **** tbh
    Posts
    384

    Default

    Q. Why is it Catholic priests can never win a race?

    A. They always come in a little behind

  20. #95
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Gliese 581-G
    Posts
    1,507

    Default

    Sometimes, just so other people will think I'm smart, I'll just masturbate a word into a sentence without even knowing what it means.

  21. #96
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    58

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Todoserugi View Post
    whats white and can't climb a tree?
    a refrigerator
    This.

    An even better one is what's blue and can't talk? THE SKY!

    Why did the man float in the lake?

    Because he was dead.


    How do you make an eggroll?

    You push it.

    Why couldn't the kid go into the pirate movie?

    Because it was rated PG-13 and he was only 11!


    What's green and has wheels?

    Grass. I was kidding about the wheels...

    Yeah...
    Last edited by Shadow Caster; 28th June 2013 at 12:07 AM.
    Trainer name: Liam (I'm usually up for casual battles now...)

    Friend Codes Pearl: 5113 7483 6924 White: 0562 7412 3100
    "While working on my PokéDex, I looked all over for Pokémon. Not only that, I assembled teams that would beat any Pokémon type. And now... I'm the Pokémon League Champion! Red! Do you know what that means? I'll tell you. I am the most powerful Trainer in the world!"
    [IMG]http://i41.*******.com/2jdqr5x.jpg[/IMG]

  22. #97
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1,682

    Default

    I've heard 5-year-olds tell better jokes than the ones in this miserable excuse of a thread.

  23. #98
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    58

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by facetious View Post
    I've heard 5-year-olds tell better jokes than the ones in this miserable excuse of a thread.
    Well, mine were meant to be bad. (They're Anti-Jokes. The lack of punchline is the punchline.)

    I can't say the same for the rest of the people who put jokes here. =/

    "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?.

    'Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusiv partner and seek help.'"
    Last edited by Shadow Caster; 28th June 2013 at 5:20 PM.
    Trainer name: Liam (I'm usually up for casual battles now...)

    Friend Codes Pearl: 5113 7483 6924 White: 0562 7412 3100
    "While working on my PokéDex, I looked all over for Pokémon. Not only that, I assembled teams that would beat any Pokémon type. And now... I'm the Pokémon League Champion! Red! Do you know what that means? I'll tell you. I am the most powerful Trainer in the world!"
    [IMG]http://i41.*******.com/2jdqr5x.jpg[/IMG]

  24. #99
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Hoenn
    Posts
    2,930

    Default

    Did you know that 4/3 of people have trouble with fractions?
    #PokemonMoon #PokemonVGC2017

    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    If you have a question about my religion, or wish to discuss my religion, the Bible, or anything related to this topic, feel free to PM or VM me, take a look at the information in my profile or visit our official website.

  25. #100
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    215

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The Admiral View Post
    Have you never tried or something?

    A man walks into a pub. He sits down at the bar. He takes out a small piano and a frog, and puts both of them on the bar. To the bartender's surprise, the frog starts playing the piano. The man then pulls out a rat and puts it on the bar. To the bartender's further surprise, the rat starts singing. Another man at the bar turns to him. "Say," he goes, "that's a great act! Would you mind selling them to me for $25,000?"

    "No way," says the first man.

    "In that case," the second man continues, "would you sell me just the rat for $20,000?"

    "Well," the first man says, hemming and hawing for a moment, "alright." He hands the man the rat, then receives his $20,000. The lucky owner of the rat walks out of the bar, satisfied with himself.

    "What the hell is wrong with you?" asks the barkeep afterward. "Why did you break up a million-dollar act like that?"

    The man at the bar just smirks. "The frog's a ventriloquist."
    That's pretty good, never heard it before but I know a very similar one...

    Man walks into a pub with a duck tucked under one arm and a biscuit tin under the other. He strolls up to the bar and promises the landlord that his duck will dance for the entertainment of the customers, they'll stay and drink, the landlord will be rolling in it. All the man wants is some credit for the bar. The landlord challenges the man to prove his tale of a dancing duck. Fair enough, the man places the biscuit tin on the bar, sets the duck upon it and the duck begins doing a little two step shuffle.
    The other patrons are gobsmacked, they've never seen anything like it. Soon enough a huge crowd has gathered round. The landlord is impressed, he tells the man that in return for the dancing duck the man will never need to pay for a drink in this pub again. The man says deal, they shake on it, the man finishes his drink and leaves.

    A week later, the man returns. The landlord looks angry, he calls the man over to the bar and demands to know why the duck has stopped dancing.
    "When did it stop?" the man asks.
    "About an hour or so after you left. What's your game?"
    The man tries to calm the landlord, goes over to the duck. He picks the duck up, checks inside it's beak. Looks underneath it's wings, examines it's feet. Then he picks up the tin, lifts the lid and peers inside.
    "No wonder the duck stopped dancing, chum. You let the bloody candles go out."

    A true dad joke. Never sure if that one is worth the time it takes to tell it (the live version features much gesturing and dramatic pauses) but sometimes it gets good payoff.
    One of my favourite "brief" jokes...

    I took a dyslexic girl home the other night. It didn't work out so well for me, she ended up cooking my sock.
    Apparently, according to some people, Gen IV is no longer relevant when discussing mechanics/direction of the game franchise etc.
    These people would do well to consider the sales figures. Gen IV is very much still relevant.

Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •