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Thread: Tell a joke, die laughing -- New and improved!

  1. #26
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    Have you never tried or something?

    A man walks into a pub. He sits down at the bar. He takes out a small piano and a frog, and puts both of them on the bar. To the bartender's surprise, the frog starts playing the piano. The man then pulls out a rat and puts it on the bar. To the bartender's further surprise, the rat starts singing. Another man at the bar turns to him. "Say," he goes, "that's a great act! Would you mind selling them to me for $25,000?"

    "No way," says the first man.

    "In that case," the second man continues, "would you sell me just the rat for $20,000?"

    "Well," the first man says, hemming and hawing for a moment, "alright." He hands the man the rat, then receives his $20,000. The lucky owner of the rat walks out of the bar, satisfied with himself.

    "What the hell is wrong with you?" asks the barkeep afterward. "Why did you break up a million-dollar act like that?"

    The man at the bar just smirks. "The frog's a ventriloquist."
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  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cenobitic View Post
    Have you never tried or something?

    A man walks into a pub. He sits down at the bar. He takes out a small piano and a frog, and puts both of them on the bar. To the bartender's surprise, the frog starts playing the piano. The man then pulls out a rat and puts it on the bar. To the bartender's further surprise, the rat starts singing. Another man at the bar turns to him. "Say," he goes, "that's a great act! Would you mind selling them to me for $25,000?"

    "No way," says the first man.

    "In that case," the second man continues, "would you sell me just the rat for $20,000?"

    "Well," the first man says, hemming and hawing for a moment, "alright." He hands the man the rat, then receives his $20,000. The lucky owner of the rat walks out of the bar, satisfied with himself.

    "What the hell is wrong with you?" asks the barkeep afterward. "Why did you break up a million-dollar act like that?"

    The man at the bar just smirks. "The frog's a ventriloquist."
    LOL!

    what did the judge say to the racket?

    ...order in the court!
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  3. #28
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    How many Mexicans does it take to build a..... Holy sh*t they're done.
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  4. #29
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    ^ LOL

    A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ow."

  5. #30
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    what has a bottom on its top?

    ...a leg.
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  6. #31
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    Stole this from Club Penguin way back when.

    Why are Penguins afraid to go to Great Britain? Because they don't like Whales! Lololololol

    Quote Originally Posted by /b/ board
    What does Cheese Pizza mean?

  7. #32
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        Spoiler:- Because bar jokes are awesome.:

    ah , what an unsightly existence ! / illustration : cyawa

  8. #33
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    Why did they plumber cry?

    Because someone threw a fridge at him.

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        Spoiler:- Credits:

  9. #34

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    So this guy finally found the girl of his dreams; she's youthful, loves life, tells great stories, and loves to be around him. Their love-life is full of fresh and exciting sex, and he's on top of the world.
    After a few weeks, however, his love suddenly refused to speak with him. Eventually, he was able to get through.
    "Darling," he said, "what's wrong?"
    "My parents are completely against our relationship, and I'm starting to agree."
    "What could they possibly have against you and I?" he questioned.
    "They told me you're a Pedophile!"
    "Now, now," he said soothingly, "that's a mighty big word for an eight-year-old."

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArmorAndonomon View Post
    So this guy finally found the girl of his dreams; she's youthful, loves life, tells great stories, and loves to be around him. Their love-life is full of fresh and exciting sex, and he's on top of the world.
    After a few weeks, however, his love suddenly refused to speak with him. Eventually, he was able to get through.
    "Darling," he said, "what's wrong?"
    "My parents are completely against our relationship, and I'm starting to agree."
    "What could they possibly have against you and I?" he questioned.
    "They told me you're a Pedophile!"
    "Now, now," he said soothingly, "that's a mighty big word for an eight-year-old."
    Is this one from sickipedia? Hm nevertheless, this is Sickipedia, where a lot of jokes along these lines get posted
    obv. nsfw.
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  11. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rezzo View Post
    Is this one from sickipedia? Hm nevertheless, this is Sickipedia, where a lot of jokes along these lines get posted
    obv. nsfw.
    I can honestly say I've never heard of this site. My dad heard it at work, he told me, and now I have told all of you.

  12. #37
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    Ok 2 people walk into a church. (a guy and a girl)
    The girl falls asleep.
    The priest asks “who created the earth?”, just as they guy pokes the girl to wake her up.
    “GOD!” she screams as she wakes up.
    After a while she falls asleep again.
    The priest asks “who gave his life for us?”, just as the guy pokes the girl to wake her up again.
    “JESUS CHRIST!” she screams s she wakes up.
    Once again, she falls asleep.
    Now the priest asks “what did eve say to adam after they had their last child?”, just as the guy pokes the girl to wake her up.
    “IF YOU POKE WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I WILL TAKE IT AND SNAP IT IN HALF!”
    #AlphaSapphire
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  13. #38
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    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Doctor
    Doctor who?

    Quote Originally Posted by /b/ board
    What does Cheese Pizza mean?

  14. #39
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    i was wondering why my baseball was getting bigger...then it hit me. XD
    (so no one gets on me i read that in the games thread)
    #AlphaSapphire
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  15. #40
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    A Japanese man walks into a sushi bar.

    ...That's the joke.
    But you have to admit, for a part-time Nazi

    He's freaking hot.

  16. #41
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    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    .. a no idear.

    What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

    ...still no idear.
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  17. #42
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    whats red and green and goes 300 mph?


    a frog in a blender :P



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  18. #43
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    Oak: Ash, is your mom still single?

    Ash: Yeah...

    Oak: Here's a pokedex. Don't come back until you've seen and captured every pokemon in this region.

    Well played Oak, well played.

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by mariobrosvswariobros View Post
    Oak: Ash, is your mom still single?

    Ash: Yeah...

    Oak: Here's a pokedex. Don't come back until you've seen and captured every pokemon in this region.

    Well played Oak, well played.
    I've heard that one lol.

    Trainer: You lost at the gym?
    Ash: Yeah, like 30 pounds!
    But you have to admit, for a part-time Nazi

    He's freaking hot.

  20. #45

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    I have a construction joke.

    Oh wait, i'm still working on it.

  21. #46
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    What do you call a key that unlocks many locks?

    A Master Key.

    What do you call a lock that is unlocked by many keys?

    A ****ty lock.

  22. #47
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    Why did the old lady tie roller skates on to her rocking chair?

    Cuz she wanted to rock and roll!
    #AlphaSapphire
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  23. #48
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    Yo mamma's so fat

    She has to wear large clothing.

    Quote Originally Posted by /b/ board
    What does Cheese Pizza mean?

  24. #49
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    a lady is sitting at the bar with a duck under her arm
    a guy walks up and say "nice pig"
    lady says "it is not a pig its a duck"
    guy says "hell i was talking to the duck"

    B
    I like to breed to Pokemon (except IV breeding, i have no interest in it)*. If you have any requests please PM or email me and I will see what I can do to help you. I also have TONS of items.**

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  25. #50
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    Working as a pornstar, it's a hard job to do.
    As to what once, it now is. For this my retirement tour, let us commence, forevermore, forevermore.

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