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Thread: Tell a joke, die laughing -- New and improved!

  1. #101
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    ^ those are awesome XD

    Here's another of mine

    I had a piece of wood that I kept cutting and cutting but it was still too short.
    #PokemonMoon #PokemonVGC2017

    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
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  2. #102
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    Did you hear about the guy who had the left half of his body chopped off?

    He's all right now.


    Every time you have a bad day, just go to Advanced Search, enter "Him in the Court" in the User Name box, and voila.

    PEOPLE OF EARTH -- WE ARE YOUR ZILTOIDIAN OVERLORDS.
    RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.


  3. #103
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    There are 2 types of people in this world

    #1 people who make lists
    #PokemonMoon #PokemonVGC2017

    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    If you have a question about my religion, or wish to discuss my religion, the Bible, or anything related to this topic, feel free to PM or VM me, take a look at the information in my profile or visit our official website.

  4. #104
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    Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

    A: You don't call it because it won't come back to you!

    There are 3 types of people in this world: Those who understand maths and those who don't.

    Q: What's a Jewish person's biggest dilemma?
    A: Free ham.
    Last edited by THRILLHO; 12th August 2013 at 11:02 AM.

  5. #105
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    What's worse than finding a worm in your sandwich?


    The Holocaust
    Pokemon isn't real, I'm sorry

  6. #106
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    I have a pretty good joke.

    It's called my sex life.

    Star-Lord

  7. #107
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    whats white and can't climb a tree?
    Me .
    PASBL: Un-re-retired

  8. #108
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    May 2013
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    A man was advertising an electric vacuum cleaner and wanted to sell it in person. So he knocked on a person's door.
    He said "Would you like to buy the _________ Vacuum cleaner for only Ł139?"
    The woman, who opened the door said "No."
    So the guy said "Ok, I'll pour some horse poo on the floor and if this Vaccum dosen't clean in I'll eat it all" So he poured the poo on the floor.
    And the woman was like "Ok, I'll get you a fork 'cause they cut off my electricity this mornin'."

    *Plays disney sound*
    HAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!

  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorless-winter View Post
    whats red and green and goes 300 mph?


    a frog in a blender :P
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!
    Anyway, erhem. I also have a... frog joke related.

    It's two frogs on a train track.
    The first one starts to scream at the second one.
    "HEY! You should watch out for the t-" SPLOOSH!
    "The what !?" SPLOOSH!
    ❝Take me down to the river.❞

  10. #110
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    I have an okay one.

    A man called the secretary at a mental hospital and asked who was in room 18.

    "Nobody," replied the secretary.

    "Great!" he exclaimed. "I must have escaped!"
    I have discovered what a signature is.

    This is Bidoof. Many people loathe it with their lives. If you are of the few people who love this little beaver, put this in your sig. Started by Warrior Scolipede

    I've claimed Castform. It will never rain on my parade.

  11. #111
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    I tried to make a good chemistry pun, but all the good ones argon.

    ...On second thought, how about we take all these bad chemistry jokes... and barium.
    We should only make jokes involving the elemental table periodically.

    ---

    Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida ...

    The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
    The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
    The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
    The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

    The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.

    She wrote: "Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
    "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
    "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
    "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
    Love, Mama


    “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”
    — Goethe

  12. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by facetious View Post
    I've heard 5-year-olds tell better jokes than the ones in this miserable excuse of a thread.
    I think you should give it a go yourself then. Prove us wrong.

    675% of people make up statistics
    I drift in and out. I'm more into the glitchy side of things, hate nearly everything post-HGSS.
    I'll probably forget what I offer on trade pages. If I do, just message me on Tumblr as I'm always on there.

    Tumblr


  13. #113
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    What did the doe say as she left from the woods?
    I will never do that for two bucks again.





    -------



    One day, a 7 year old boy went to visit his grandmother. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?"
    Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV-set is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs makes me feel good and the comedies makes me laugh. I'm happy with my it as my boyfriend."
    Grandma turned on the TV-set, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, trying to get it focus.
    Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
    The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood his grandpa's old friend, now the grandma's minister.
    The minister said: "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
    The little boy replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!"
    Last edited by Kreis; 19th August 2013 at 1:18 AM.
    Weavile Rules!!! Can't wait for ORAS!!!

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  14. #114
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    Wanna hear a cat joke?
    Just kitten.
    3DS Friend Code: Nicholas-0130-2106-0329

    Looking For

    -English Keldeo

  15. #115
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    two chemists walk into a Cafe one of the chemists asks for some H20 the other says to the cashier i'll have some h20 too. (get it? eh? eh?)
    Last edited by wolf king; 26th August 2013 at 8:25 AM.

  16. #116
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    Never have an argument with a toilet. Because eventually it will just say, "Im getting sick and tired of your s**t

    Apparently, animals make different sounds according to different languages.

    For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.
    Current FanFic(s):

    Title in Progress: On hold

  17. #117
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    here is a really funny joke I came up with. it's in video form.

  18. #118
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    Q. What's sadder than a worm in your apple?
    A. Half a worm.

    Q. What's sadder than half a worm in your apple?
    A. 2 worms.

    Q. What's sadder than 2 worms in your apple?
    A. A spider.
    Last edited by Ionasal.kkll.Preciel; 6th September 2013 at 12:42 PM.

    Hibiki wants hugs
        Spoiler:- My claims:

  19. #119
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    What does a vampire sail in?

    A blood vessel.
    #PokemonMoon #PokemonVGC2017

    I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    If you have a question about my religion, or wish to discuss my religion, the Bible, or anything related to this topic, feel free to PM or VM me, take a look at the information in my profile or visit our official website.

  20. #120
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    So I went to a bodybuilder and asked him "Could you give me some arms and legs?"

    Hibiki wants hugs
        Spoiler:- My claims:

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