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Thread: The Leaf Green Incident (PG-15)

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    Default The Leaf Green Incident (PG-15)

    Warnings: One of the main characters swears like a sailor. There's also mild violence, but a lot of it is quite literally censored. Except for one instance in which the aforementioned character describes creative uses for telekinesis. Soooo... squeamish should probably hit the back button.

    Author's Note: This was written for Pokécommunity's most recent Small Writing Contest. (Because what is proper productivity on the stories I should be writing?) Or, rather, a version of it was written for the SWC. This is the version that came as a result of one of the judges' reviews, but if anyone is interested in the original, I could put that up too.

    In any case, yes, this is the winning entry. Or the edited version of it anyway. The prompt I had to work with was "secrets," and you can blame the existence of this thing on many sleepless nights brought on by The SCP Foundation.

    Also, consider this a Halloween gift. You're welcome!


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 1: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.

    I hate dealing with children. Adults are predictable, and you don't get attached to them. When they're told about who we are, they only do one thing: panic. When they panic, we deal with them. Simple. But a child is harder. Some get scared, and in those cases, let's just say it's hard to look at myself in a mirror the next morning. The cockier ones try to fight us, and I can pass off what I do as self-defense if tell myself that it was enough times. And then there's the stupid ones who try to join us. We deal with those, but it's easier to do it with them than the other two kinds of kids because I don't have to lie to myself. I'm doing them a favor by not giving them the chance to be someone like me.

    Between you and me, when I first met her, I couldn't tell which kind of kid she was going to be. She was already a mess when she came in, and you never can tell what those kids will do if you push them enough. They can fall into any category so abruptly that you can only run on instinct to react. Some get aggressive and try to attack us out of nowhere. Some try to bargain with us by attempting to volunteer themselves. And then you've got the ones who just get messier. But I'm just repeating myself. The point is, she was a mess. You know. Hair in tangles, clothing torn, probably dried blood all over her, that kind of thing. But what I remember most about her were her eyes. She had these huge ones, man. Huge. And although I'm used to seeing wide, terrified eyes, there was just something about hers, you know?

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not a pedophile or anything. I'm just—it was creepy, okay? And people like me, we don't really get creeped out so easily. Crisis of consciences? We get those all the time. But not creeped out. You can't get creeped out if you work for the organization.

    To be a little more accurate, there was one other thing I remember about her. She only had cuts and bruises. Minor stuff, according to the medics. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a big deal, but she went into the Dungeon. The fucking Dungeon. Not just any part of the Dungeon. No one gives a shit if the champion waltzes around on Level A or Level B. That's why the League's posted that guard. It's a champion's perk. But she was down on Level C. You know. Where that thing was. And that's only one of the things she could've found down there.

    So, yeah, she was lucky to be alive. She's a trooper, really. I liked her for that.

    That's the problem. If you're in my position, rule number one is never like the ones the retrieval team brings in. They call you the disposal team for a goddamn reason; you don't need to be getting all sentimental.

    Anyway, where was I? Right. So they brought her in because no one's supposed to go down to Level C. That should've been sealed off with some of our own on a rotational shift near its entrance. That's how we contain that damn thing because you can't get within fifty feet of it without having it ripping your intestines out through your nostrils telekinetically. We don't know how she managed to do it; the higher ups think it let her. Arranged things for her. Put our guards to sleep or something just so it could meet her. That's part of the reason why she was brought in too, never mind the fact that she was a witness to the containment breach. They were going to ask her about that and about whether or not people knew about SE-004, and… well. Let's just say the entire disposal team was on standby for pretty much the whole fiasco.

    So there we were. Plain concrete room, as per standard. Dr. Sage – y'know, the researcher in charge of the files on 004 – Agent [REDACTED], me, and the girl. And the girl looks at me with those big eyes, and I don't blame her for looking at me the way she did because I'm holding the standard-issue plasma cannon, just in case. I'd soil myself too if I saw someone standing in the corner of any room I'm in with that big of a gun.

    But anyway, she's just staring, and finally, after thirty times of Agent [REDACTED] asking what her name was, she finally gives us an answer.

    What kind of ass hole hippie parents name their kid Leaf? Answer me that one.


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 3, EXCERPT 1: Recording of witness, subject LEAF GREEN, as conducted by DR. SAGE and AGENT [REDACTED].

    AGENT
    Leaf? All right. My name is Agent [REDACTED]. This is Dr. Sage and our associate [REDACTED]. We'd like to help you, okay?

    GREEN (voice low)
    Okay.

    AGENT
    That's a good girl. Dr. Sage?

    DR. SAGE
    Thank you. Hello, Leaf. I'd like to ask you something that might be hard for you right now, but we need to know to help you. Is that okay?

    GREEN (whispering)
    Okay.

    DR. SAGE
    Good. Now, think back. Can you remember what happened right before we found you?

    (Pause.)

    DR. SAGE
    Leaf?

    GREEN
    Psychic.

    DR. SAGE
    Sorry?

    GREEN
    I can't tell you. I need to show you.

    DR. SAGE
    It's okay, Leaf. You can talk to me in front of my friends. We won't hurt you.

    GREEN
    Not you. Not worried about you.

    (Pause.)

    DR. SAGE
    Who are you worried about, Leaf?

    (Pause.)

    GREEN (whispering)
    It can hear us through the wires.


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 2: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.

    You know how I'd like to die? By volcano. Now hear me out. You've heard of Pompeii, right? It's this little island off the coast of Italy or something. Something Mediterranean.

    Anyway, hundreds of years ago, this little island was part of this huge empire you hear about all the time, right? And they just lived completely ordinary lives for God knows how long. But see, the thing is that the town on Pompeii had this volcano looming over it, right? And then one day, out of nowhere, the volcano just erupts. Just like that. Erupts out of nowhere. And there's ash and mud everywhere.

    So the people there didn't have a chance to get away because the majority of the island was covered in mud and ash or whatever within minutes, and only a handful of Pompeiians went, "Oh shit, there's a lava flow coming."

    Fast forward a few hundred years, and some archaeologist goes to Pompeii and digs a little, and under all that hardened mud and ash and whatever, he finds the entire town perfectly preserved. Like, the people there? Perfect casts of them. It must've been creepy as hell to see the Roman Empire or whatever right there.

    And I started thinking about it, and I realized that either way, volcanoes are a good way to go. Either you burn up until nothing's left of you, or you leave behind this perfect mold of your entire body for some poor bastard to dig up centuries from now. It's like if you don't die quickly, you're immortal, like a piece of art hidden away for whatever generation comes along and finds you.

    Just saying.


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 3, EXCERPT 2: Recording of witness, subject LEAF GREEN, as conducted by DR. SAGE and AGENT [REDACTED].

    DR. SAGE
    Leaf, I'd like for you to meet my good friend Xatu. He's going to help you show us what happened.

    (XATU calls briefly.)

    DR. SAGE
    Will that be okay, Leaf?

    (Pause. AGENT [REDACTED]'s notes indicate that she nods at this point.)

    DR. SAGE
    Good. Xatu, use Psychic, please.

    (Due to XATU's psychic abilities, the recording distorts for 37 seconds. This span actually represents a period of 16 minutes of the actual interrogation according to AGENT [REDACTED]'s accompanying notes.)

    DR. SAGE (voice low)
    I see. Is that all that you can remember?

    (Pause.)

    DR. SAGE
    Now, Leaf, if you want us to help you, you'll need to be completely honest with us.

    (Pause.)

    GREEN
    Will Red be okay?


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 3: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.

    She wasn't alone down there, by the way. That's as much as I could glean from the reports. She had a brother. You ever heard of Red? The League crowned him champion when we rearranged everyone's memories to make people forget about Leaf. Red wasn't that bad either, but he wasn't incredible.

    Anyway, yeah, she convinced the League to let her take him down to the Dungeon. It was supposed to be some kind of brother-sister bonding thing where they went to the depths of that place to train and explore and maybe – I don't know – roast marshmallows over a campfire or whatever. But then they went to Level C, and something supposedly happened down there.

    What am I saying? Of course something happened because 004 escaped. Or nearly did. Not to mention that when the retrieval team found Leaf, there was no trace of Red.

    They eventually found the kid. Red, I mean. He's on Mt. Silver. I say he is because we haven't bothered to move him or anything. We don't really deal with mute people, after all. They don't do much talking, you know?

    In any case, he'll probably be the only one besides us who will remember the girl. Leaf's getting erased from public memory. It's a safety precaution, really, so no one else tries to bother 004 again.

    I don't get why we don't just kill the damn thing.


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 3, EXCERPT 3: Recording of witness, subject LEAF GREEN, as conducted by DR. SAGE and AGENT [REDACTED].

    AGENT
    Leaf, I have one last question for you.

    (Pause.)

    AGENT
    The journals that were in your backpack when we picked you up. Where did you find them?

    (Pause.)

    GREEN
    Cinnabar. Old place. The fire pokémon live there.

    AGENT
    Did anyone other than you know where they were?

    (Pause. AGENT [REDACTED]'s notes indicate that she nods at this point.)

    AGENT
    Who, Leaf? Please tell me.

    (Pause.)

    GREEN
    Cinnabar Island.

    (Pause.)

    AGENT
    Thank you, Leaf.

    (Pause.)

    AGENT
    [REDACTED]. Cinnabar Island.

    [REDACTED]
    Orders, sir?

    AGENT
    Burn it all.


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 4: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.

    So finally getting to the point, I put the charges in the volcano and dosed most of the island with my butterfree's Stun Spore, just like you asked, Agent [REDACTED]. It's like you said: quick and simple. Just press a button, and in five seconds, everyone who knows about 004's going to be blown to Hell. Except for the mute kid, those dicks at Team Rocket, and you, of course. Hope you ass holes are happy. And yeah, I said you, not us. I'm sending you this message from Cinnabar's police department to let you know that I'll be going with the rest of the island.

    Guess what I'm trying to say is I regret to inform you that I will be resigning from my position at your organization, effective immediately. My reasons are largely on moral grounds, although I will always appreciate my time working with you.

    Not really, but I figured you wouldn't process this properly if I didn't sound professional for five seconds. Either that, or you'll reanimate my corpse because I'm still technically part of the organization. I know some of the other SE's can do that shit, and let me tell you right now that I will go George Romero on your ass if you try it.

    Anyway, yeah. Tell her brother I'm sorry. That's all I ask.


    ---


    INCIDENT SE-004-01: Psychic imprint of subject LEAF GREEN'S memory as conveyed to DR. SAGE.


    (GREEN kneels behind a boulder beside a boy – RED, according to accompanying materials concerning this incident. The only lights in their location comes from a pair of flashlights they hold between them and a blue glow on a slope several meters away from them. Not much else is visible. The glow does not illuminate anything, and the flashlights only illuminate part of the children's legs and the slope back to the underground river they used to access this area. XATU does not relay any other sensations to add to this imprint except cold air and distant pokémon calls.

    ADDENDUM FROM DR. SAGE: This location has been identified by Task Force Beta-15 as the southeast corner of [REDACTED], level C.)


    GREEN
    It's like it's waiting for us.

    RED (speech is broken and faltering)
    Really?

    GREEN (looks towards RED)
    Yeah. It's just standing there staring at us.

    (Silence.)

    GREEN
    I'm gonna catch it.

    RED (whispering)
    Leaf, don't!

    (GREEN laughs but keeps her voice low. She leans her entire body away from RED so she can look around the boulder to locate the blue glow. One of her hands reaches into her backpack to pull out a round, plastic object the size of her palm.)

    GREEN
    Relax. I've got a Master Ball, remember? It'll take three seconds, tops. Promise.

    RED
    I don't think that's a good idea.

    GREEN
    Oh really? And why not?

    RED
    I don't know! I just think we really, really need to leave it alone and get out of here.

    GREEN
    Red, this could be the strongest pokémon of all time. The strongest pokémon! There is literally no entry in the pokédex for it. Do you get what that means?

    RED
    Leaf.

    GREEN
    Besides, I'm the champion. It's not like it's gonna hurt me or anything. If something bad happens, I've got six strong pokémon who can deal with it, okay?

    RED
    Leaf.

    GREEN
    C'mon. You've got nothing to be worried about. I've got a Master Ball. I earned the Earth Badge. Three seconds, it'll obey our every command.

    RED
    Leaf, I really don't think we should—

    GREEN
    Seriously, Red, if you're that scared, let out Charizard or something.

    (GREEN moves away from the boulder and starts up the rest of the slope to the blue light. Twenty-seven seconds later, she hears a pop and a growl. She looks over her shoulder to see RED and a charizard partially hidden behind the boulder; the charizard's tail flame adds additional light to the area. Both RED and the charizard lean to the left just enough to stare at GREEN. GREEN's body shudders and turns back to the blue glow, and she notices that it has reacted to charizard's presence. It appears brighter to her, and now, she can see the silhouette of a tall, thin, humanoid figure whose eyes are the sources of the blue light. At this point, XATU relays the adrenaline spike associated with fear.)

    GREEN (whispering)
    Why isn't it moving?

    (She hesitates. [Memory vague on exact time frame. Accurate transcription impossible.] Then, she runs forward and throws the object she retrieved from her backpack. The object, the aforementioned "Master Ball," connects with the figure's shoulder and activates by splitting open and emitting a white light that engulfs its target. After this point, the light is drawn back into the ball, which shuts and drops to the ground. Once it lands, it rolls on its own back to GREEN's feet. She reaches for it.

    At this point, the psychic imprint failed to record approximately 6 minutes of GREEN's memory. It has been classified as lost time.

    GREEN stands at the bottom of the hill. She looks behind her at the peak and finds it completely empty. Then, she turns back to face forward just before taking a step backwards. In her hand, she holds a flashlight nearly broken in half. It is coated with something she realizes is warm and sticky. At her feet is RED, who is kneeling in front of her as he whimpers and visibly shakes. In the light of the charizard's tail flame, GREEN can see that his hat is off and that a laceration runs from the lower temple to the chin.)

    GREEN
    Red! Oh God!

    (GREEN drops the flashlight and reaches for him. Before she can touch him, the charizard roars and grabs its trainer with its claws. RED begins screaming incoherently, causing GREEN to scramble backwards.)

    GREEN
    Red! Oh my God! Red!

    (The charizard draws the still-screaming RED into its arms. GREEN attempts to run forward and grab RED, but the pokémon swings its wing at her. At this point, GREEN's vision blurs as her body is knocked into the side of the hill. XATU's psychic imprint registers acute pain in the upper back, matching a bruise noted on the staff's initial physical examination of GREEN upon arrival to Facility [REDACTED]. By the time GREEN's vision resolves itself – once she sits up – the charizard and RED have disappeared. GREEN sits and pants for 4 minutes in darkness.)

    GREEN
    Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God, what did I do?

    (She stands and starts pacing in circles on the riverbank.)

    GREEN
    Oh God! What did I do? What did I do?

    (Abruptly, she stops. Her head drops slightly, and she stands completely silent and still for an additional 6 minutes. At the end of this time period, an object contacts the side of her left foot. She reaches down to pick it up, and as she holds it at arm's length, her vision registers it as the Master Ball. It emits a blue light from its core.)

    UNIDENTIFIED
    Trainer. Take me outside.

    GREEN (voice low)
    Okay.


    ---

    ADDENDUM: INCIDENT SE-004-01, FILE 1: Journal entries recovered by LEAF GREEN from wreckage of [REDACTED] on Cinnabar Island.

    (NOTE FROM DR. SAGE: The following journal entries chronicle portions, but not all, of the discovery of SE-005, the creation of SE-004, and Incident SE-004-01. Much of the journal has been severely damaged in the destruction of [REDACTED] and cannot be replicated. As such, this document is only a partially complete record, with replications based on editorial conclusions as to what the original text might have said.)

    July 5
    Guyana, South America
    A new pokémon was discovered deep in the jungle.


    July 10
    We christened the newly discovered pokémon, [SE-005].


    Feb. 6
    [SE-005] gave birth. We named the newborn [SE-004].


    Sept. 1
    [SE-004] is far too powerful. We have failed to curb its vicious tendencies…


    Sept. 2
    Dr. [REDACTED] has disappeared. According to claims made by several members of our peers, [SE-004] is responsible. We do not yet have the data to explain this.


    Sept. 9
    Pieces of Dr. [REDACTED] has been found. We have made arrangements to cremate him. All efforts to contain [SE-004] have failed.


    Sept. 12
    Several members of our team claim to hear [SE-004] constantly, despite the fact that it is contained in [REDACTED]. It is difficult to sleep…


    Sept. 20
    Nurse [REDACTED] has died. She walked into [SE-004]'s containment cell and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Her body has been removed, and we [DATA EXPUNGED].


    Oct. 1
    Six others have died. We have attempted to prevent three others from succumbing to [SE-004], but that has provoked [SE-004] itself. The rest of us have barricaded ourselves as deeply in the laboratory as possible, but it will be no use. [SE-004] has sent [REDACTED] to find us. They have already cut our communication lines.


    Oct. 5
    Every night, we hear them. They're coming for us. [SE-004] talks to me too now. We have not slept for three days.


    Oct. 7
    The others are coming. They want to cut us open. They say Im [sic] the last one. [SE-004] shows me things when im [sic] awake now. We didn't know that (The entry ends here.)


    Oct. 8
    He hears us through the wires that's how he (The entry ends here.)


    Oct. 9
    The banging has gotten louder and [SE-004] is still here Always here


    oct 10
    im so sorry


    oct 10
    burn it all burn it all burn it all burn it all (This repeats for three pages. The third ends abruptly, implying that there may have been other pages at some point.)

    oct [ILLEGIBLE]
    [ILLEGIBLE]

    8ct End
    He has asked us to open the door and look into the light, and we have. There is no god there but [DATA EXPUNGED].
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 28th October 2012 at 11:40 PM.

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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    Oh wow. This was really creepy. It might be that I'm just slow on the uptake, but the vague hints of Level C were a nice touch. Once all the pieces come together it's very mind-blowy. Do you think this is a one time thing, or could you maybe write more?

    (p.s. That SCP link is as bad as tvtropes >_>; )

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    Quote Originally Posted by gorgonfish View Post
    Oh wow. This was really creepy.
    *bows* Thanks kindly!

    Do you think this is a one time thing, or could you maybe write more?
    I'm actually really tempted to write more stories involving the organization, maybe covering other legendaries. Still, I have to admit that this one's a standalone story, though, so! Maybe? 8D

    (p.s. That SCP link is as bad as tvtropes >_>; )
    Oh, inorite? You just start in on one entry, and then you go to another and another and never mind the other documents.

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    I enjoyed this as well. It has a good combination of fear and mystery, and I had to reread it a couple times to see what it all meant. I just want to get a few things straight to make sure I've understood everything...

    ADDENDUM: INCIDENT SE-004-01, FILE 1: Journal entries recovered by LEAF GREEN from wreckage of [REDACTED] on Cinnabar Island.
    So these journals have been recovered by Leaf from (I'm guessing) the Pokemon Mansion, before she and Red went to find Mewtwo in Cerulean Cave. Could these be what tempted her to find Mewtwo for herself?

    And I guess the 'volcanic eruption' that turned Cinnabar into a charred wasteland was an attempt to bury all the secrets of the past, so that no one would ever find out about Mewtwo and would want to go after it? (In addition to erasing Leaf from public memory.) That's a nice tie-in with the HGSS games. It seemed to me like the game developers wanted us to 'move on' from that too, by getting rid of the Pokemon Mansion, the lab, and all that bad history. (But they kept Mewtwo in that cave, didn't they? xPP)

    I don't get why we don't just kill the damn thing.
    I don't either. Hehe. Perhaps they're all scared... which is understandable.

    The last scene was especially striking, and it was perhaps what scared me the most. It tied everything together nicely, including Mewtwo's ability to infect people's minds like a virus. I could vividly imagine the growing panic those researchers must have felt... kind of like in those horror moves where there's a spreading sickness that's slowly killing off the members of the main case. (It seems odd to me that the scientists would want to barricade themselves inside the laboratory instead of saying "to hell with the project" and fleeing for their lives. But could the fact that they didn't mean that they couldn't, for whatever reason?) That would be even creepier.

    All in all, this was a great read! Especially for late evening.


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    Well, I look at a JX Valentine fic in late October and I find . . . a much darker version of an idea I was toying with (back to the drawing board, I guess). If that doesn't automatically up the spooky levels of the story, I don't know what does.

    Is the fact that SE-005 is a higher number than its "child" a reference to how Mewtwo comes before Mew in the actual PokeDex?

    Good choices with the order you presented the reports in (especially the "I'd like to die by volcano" placed where it can act as foreshadowing). You leave off on a very creepy note indeed. Though I am left wondering why they let people (even if they are champions) into a place that contains a creature they don't want anyone to find (and dispose of the ones that do learn about it). Other than that bit bugging me, this is very well presented and fits the time of year quite nicely. The "expanded" journal entries from Cinnabar getting progressively creepier was a nice touch. I think the illegible one may well have been the best of the bunch because it lets the reader conjure up all sorts of horrible scenarios.

    Sorry I don't have a lot more to say than that.
    Last edited by Ememew; 30th October 2012 at 1:49 AM.
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    And another one: Mischief (One-Shot. Rated G). A little fun for October.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ememew View Post
    Well, I look at a JX Valentine fic in late October and I find . . . a much darker version of an idea I was toying with (back to the drawing board, I guess). If that doesn't automatically up the spooky levels of the story, I don't know what does.
    ...omg this. Exactly this. What the hell, Jax XD Actually, when I read the first few lines of the story I almost started to feel bad because "oh crap she wrote exactly what I was going to write so now I might as well not bother because she just did the same thing only better D:" Thaaaankfully this did in fact go in another direction than the one I was thinking of, so assuming I can get my act together I could still post it and not feel awkward because they wouldn't be similar after all! (It'd still probably be awful XD, but different awful, at the very least!)

    I did enjoy this, anyway! A lovely read regardless of my minor plotbunny crisis. After you made me waste a solid 72 near-consecutive hours on the SCP Wiki when you first linked to it in the AEM thread, and subsequently gave me a bunch of awkward plot bunnies of my own, I've been wondering if I'd be able to find any SCP-esque Pokémon fic. This did the job quite admirably, even down to the tantalizing [REDACTED]s and [DATA EXPUNGED]s all over the place. I also liked the foreshadowing with the bit about Pompeii... and I do know about your fascination with Leaf and "what happened to her", so this was also a pretty cool alternative explanation for that, for Red's silence and wandering off to go freeze on a mountain, that sort of thing. Having Leaf's last name be Green was a nice little touch, too, though I giggled a little at the thought that that would likely make Red "Red Green", heh.

    What does "SE" stand for, by the way? I'm trying to figure it out myself but haven't been able to so far, haha. I'm also mildly curious about the mentions of the Cinnabar Police in the document details. Not really something you need to answer, but just curious in general about how organizations like this one would be working with the local law enforcement, additional memory wipes, who they might have on the inside of the PD, things like that. Just interesting stuff to mull over, really. I do love a story that gets me thinking about these things.

    I only have one real nitpick, which is here:

    That's how we contain that damn thing because you can't get within fifty feet of it without having it ripping your intestines out through your nostrils telekinetically.
    "having it ripping" sounds a bit awkward; "having it rip" might read better, I think.

    But yes! Very glad my wish for SCPokémon-fic (can that be what we call this sort of thing now) came true, and so nicely, too. I can't say that it creeped me out, if only because it takes a lot to do that to me and I was similarly un-creeped by most of the SCPs—I will admit that 035 did kind of get to me, though, not really sure why—but desensitization to creepiness aside, I enjoyed it. If you do ever get around to writing more in this vein, I'd love to see it.
    Review requests currently on hold for contest judging + some other stuff. Sorry!

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    Dang, Jax, leave it to you to provide such a chilling, suspenseful piece of writing. I was left with goosebumps. The dialogue between Red and Green was fantastic. Your sci-fi/horror writing skills are off the charts!

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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs. Lovett View Post
    I enjoyed this as well. It has a good combination of fear and mystery, and I had to reread it a couple times to see what it all meant.
    Thank you!

    I just want to get a few things straight to make sure I've understood everything...
    Sure thing! I'll do my best not to be obnoxiously vague (as I am wont to do because lol my idea of specifying anything). o>

    So these journals have been recovered by Leaf from (I'm guessing) the Pokemon Mansion, before she and Red went to find Mewtwo in Cerulean Cave. Could these be what tempted her to find Mewtwo for herself?
    Admittedly, I haven't thought about how serious Leaf was about finding Mewtwo. It's true that the entries (definitely from the Pokémon Mansion) sparked her interest, but when I wrote this, I was thinking that she might've accidentally stumbled on Mewtwo thanks to the entries never telling her where it went.

    …But that is retroactively the explanation. XD She was there totally deliberately.

    And I guess the 'volcanic eruption' that turned Cinnabar into a charred wasteland was an attempt to bury all the secrets of the past, so that no one would ever find out about Mewtwo and would want to go after it?
    Exactly!

    (In addition to erasing Leaf from public memory.) That's a nice tie-in with the HGSS games. It seemed to me like the game developers wanted us to 'move on' from that too, by getting rid of the Pokemon Mansion, the lab, and all that bad history. (But they kept Mewtwo in that cave, didn't they? xPP)
    Thank you! And also, inorite? It struck me as just slightly weird that they'd put something where the Safari Zone was (as opposed to keeping it closed like in GSC), but they didn't bother bringing back Cinnabar Island. It's not like the fact that it was blown sky-high by a volcano had any purpose whatsoever in the plot.

    (But then again, that would be implying that the Kanto half of GSC/HGSS had any plot to begin with. *shot!*)

    I don't either. Hehe. Perhaps they're all scared... which is understandable.
    Oh yes. There were so many red shirt characters in the untold part of this story. So many. And then the organization realized that replacing the damned cannon fodder was actually starting to be a little costly, and headquarters needed a new espresso machine.

    (And now you know about what happened in Incident SE-004-02.)

    The last scene was especially striking, and it was perhaps what scared me the most. It tied everything together nicely, including Mewtwo's ability to infect people's minds like a virus. I could vividly imagine the growing panic those researchers must have felt... kind of like in those horror moves where there's a spreading sickness that's slowly killing off the members of the main case. (It seems odd to me that the scientists would want to barricade themselves inside the laboratory instead of saying "to hell with the project" and fleeing for their lives. But could the fact that they didn't mean that they couldn't, for whatever reason?) That would be even creepier.
    *cackles and tents fingers*

    But yes to that last question. I toyed with the idea of going a bit more in-depth into the situation the writer and their colleagues were in, but two things stopped me. First, that segment was getting about as long as the rest of the story. Second, I liked the idea of keeping things as ambiguous as possible. Buuuut if you're not squeamish, here's a brief description of what went down:

        Spoiler:- Oh, and it's full of ruining the story too.:


    All in all, this was a great read! Especially for late evening.
    Thanks kindly! I'm glad I've managed to generate that creepy of a vibe. ;D

    Quote Originally Posted by Ememew View Post
    Well, I look at a JX Valentine fic in late October and I find . . . a much darker version of an idea I was toying with (back to the drawing board, I guess). If that doesn't automatically up the spooky levels of the story, I don't know what does.
    *high fives* Great minds think alike! But you should still totally write your fic. There needs to be more "no, really, what happened to Leaf" fics out there.

    …And I swear, your gift fics will be out soon. I just keep going back and forth between them. ;_;

    Is the fact that SE-005 is a higher number than its "child" a reference to how Mewtwo comes before Mew in the actual PokeDex?
    Yep! I will freely admit that each SE's number corresponds to its order in the 'dex. The in-universe reason, though, is that the organization registered Mewtwo before Mew, having actually found (and sort of contained) Mewtwo first. Mew is still technically not contained, but at least they have solid proof that it exists. (And also, it totally drops by now and then to troll them.)

    Good choices with the order you presented the reports in (especially the "I'd like to die by volcano" placed where it can act as foreshadowing).
    Thank you! Good to know that doesn't seem completely random. XD

    You leave off on a very creepy note indeed.
    *le bow!*

    Though I am left wondering why they let people (even if they are champions) into a place that contains a creature they don't want anyone to find (and dispose of the ones that do learn about it).
    Hmm, are you talking about the League or the organization? If it's the League, they don't, really. The only people allowed in Cerulean Cave at all are league champions, and I meant to imply that that's been going on for long before Mewtwo decided to nest there for whatever reason. (Totally to wait for Leaf and then proceed to use her to cut a large swath of destruction across Kanto, either via being a human shield or via adding her firepower to its own.) They didn't realize, meanwhile, that there's actually a Level C, as that's been cordoned off by the organization.

    If it's the organization you're talking about… who said they let Leaf and Red down there?

    I think the illegible one may well have been the best of the bunch because it lets the reader conjure up all sorts of horrible scenarios.
    All of which I would adore to hear… because it's me. ;D

    Sorry I don't have a lot more to say than that.
    Oh, pfft. That was awesome as it is!

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenixsong View Post
    ...omg this. Exactly this. What the hell, Jax XD
    I'm so awesome I rip off everyone else's ideas before they're posted. I'm clearly the hipsteriest of the hipsters.

    Thaaaankfully this did in fact go in another direction than the one I was thinking of, so assuming I can get my act together I could still post it and not feel awkward because they wouldn't be similar after all!
    Do it. It can only be awesome, Phoenix. It can only be awesome.

    I did enjoy this, anyway!
    Thank you~!

    After you made me waste a solid 72 near-consecutive hours on the SCP Wiki when you first linked to it in the AEM thread,
    *pauses to cackle evilly*

    and subsequently gave me a bunch of awkward plot bunnies of my own, I've been wondering if I'd be able to find any SCP-esque Pokémon fic. This did the job quite admirably, even down to the tantalizing [REDACTED]s and [DATA EXPUNGED]s all over the place.
    Thanks! \o/ I'm glad it got across all right (and that all the [REDACTED] bits didn't make this all hella confusing).

    Having Leaf's last name be Green was a nice little touch, too, though I giggled a little at the thought that that would likely make Red "Red Green", heh.
    Their parents were Canadian. *shot repeatedly*

    What does "SE" stand for, by the way?
    Gooooood question!

    It stands for Special Entity. Basically, that's their means of designating specific objects of interest throughout the Pokémon universe. Only a small number of them are legendary Pokémon (or Pokémon in any way). Others are objects, cryptids (analogs of real-world versions), places, sometimes even people, and God knows what else.

    Sabrina totally has her own entry in the index, by the by. Her containment procedure is informally summarized as, "We're going to assume distracting her with shiny gym obligations is enough because that ***** will go Jean Grey on our asses in seconds."

    And there are hilarious things in Bill's entry thanks to his space-time shenanigans. Like when he tore the fabric of the universe a new one. Twice.


    I'm also mildly curious about the mentions of the Cinnabar Police in the document details. Not really something you need to answer, but just curious in general about how organizations like this one would be working with the local law enforcement, additional memory wipes, who they might have on the inside of the PD, things like that.
    I'll answer that anyway!

    Basically, the organization has agents literally everywhere, in every facet of the Pokémon universe's society. They have hands in the government bodies, the leagues, the police forces, the militaries, every industry imaginable, and even almost all of the crime syndicates.

    However! In this case, [REDACTED] wasn't a police officer. (S)he just Stun Spored the **** out of that island. Most likely, there were police officers twitching on the ground behind them as (s)he calmly placed that call using their phone lines.

    "having it ripping" sounds a bit awkward; "having it rip" might read better, I think.
    Ooh, good point. o.o There will be an edit when I'm not lazy~!

    But yes! Very glad my wish for SCPokémon-fic (can that be what we call this sort of thing now) came true, and so nicely, too.
    …And now we need to start a wiki. 8D (Because, yes, SCPokémon is an awesome title, and we shouldn't let that go to waste.)

    I will admit that 035 did kind of get to me, though, not really sure why
    Huh. 035 didn't do much to me, but some of the ones about visual stuff (recordings, games, occasionally images) are the ones that do it for me. Probably because images freak me out more than words, haha. (Example? I can't finish 1981. As soon as I get halfway down the page, I look at the side, go "LOL NOPE," and hit the backbutton.)

    I enjoyed it. If you do ever get around to writing more in this vein, I'd love to see it.
    Thank you!

    And maybe. ;D I'm sort of tempted to do SCP-like reports for all of the ones I have definite headcanon for.

    (Or create a wiki for it, just in case I'm lazy.)

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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    (But then again, that would be implying that the Kanto half of GSC/HGSS had any plot to begin with. *shot!*)
    This. I may or may not have recently written a fic based around Kanto's sole plot point because even that has its weirdness. Although people who read too much into the games can at least do stuff with the apparent worsening of Kanto's economy (the never built building in Vermillion, the closed bike shop in Cerulean, the pre-remake loss of the Safari Zone . . .) And I'm rambling so . . . on to the responses to me, then.
    *high fives* Great minds think alike! But you should still totally write your fic. There needs to be more "no, really, what happened to Leaf" fics out there.

    …And I swear, your gift fics will be out soon. I just keep going back and forth between them. ;_;
    Don't worry about it. A rushed story is never as good as one you have time to work on. And my Leaf idea may not go anywhere fast because I'm still working a lot of details out. I am such a slow writer sometimes.
    Mew is still technically not contained, but at least they have solid proof that it exists. (And also, it totally drops by now and then to troll them.)
    As a Mew should!
    Hmm, are you talking about the League or the organization? If it's the League, they don't, really. The only people allowed in Cerulean Cave at all are league champions, and I meant to imply that that's been going on for long before Mewtwo decided to nest there for whatever reason. (Totally to wait for Leaf and then proceed to use her to cut a large swath of destruction across Kanto, either via being a human shield or via adding her firepower to its own.) They didn't realize, meanwhile, that there's actually a Level C, as that's been cordoned off by the organization.

    If it's the organization you're talking about… who said they let Leaf and Red down there?
    Just figured the organization would have a mole or two in the League trying to dissuade champions from going too deep inside somehow. The story still works either way, though. (maybe Mewtwo got to whoever was on duty . . . oh, wait, that is already in the story, isn't it?)

    Although thinking a bit more, if they have the ability to erase memories of Leaf from the whole region (aside from some Rockets, apparently), why not just erase the memories of people in Cinnabar instead of forcing an eruption? Don't get me wrong, it was a powerful image - especially the insights into the agent tasked with doing it - but there seems to have been a less drastic alternative available unless there was some reason they couldn't just psychic the knowledge of Mewtwo and the lab away.
    All of which I would adore to hear… because it's me. ;D
    You sure? Your spoiler is pretty much bad enough, but here goes!
        Spoiler:- What is wrong with my head that I think of such things?:
    Last edited by Ememew; 2nd November 2012 at 5:10 AM.
    Oh, look! I wrote a fanfic! Weak (One-Shot. Rated G). Can Iris convince Bianca that she can't just avoid her problems?

    And another one: Mischief (One-Shot. Rated G). A little fun for October.

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    I really like it! its mystery and i imagine that i was leaf! so i enjoy it to much n.n

  11. #11
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    Holy cow, how in the world did I miss this? *beat* Oh yeah... don't check this place often.

    Anyway, I had to get my creepy soundtrack ready before I wanted to read it, but when I reached the half-way point, and when I realized what was going on, and what it was about, music reached the point of insanity and creeped me out for a bit... both music and story worked to a "T" o_o. *cough*

    This was a nice touch, to use the SCP Foundation as inspiration. I can see this as being part of the archives (in which case, you could've added a bit of information of the subject before getting to the data itself, but eh, though I don't know who the narrator was for the first half). It's creepy and mysterious enough for it. Shame this is the censored version. I'd like to see what the uncensored version looks like (if it is indeed available). I'm also curious as to whether [SE-004] escaped, or if it's still in containment somewhere. Though judging from what happened at the end... [SE-004] escaped. (Which could possibly be why [SE-004] was found in Level C three years later, unless you weren't going by the remakes, which would explain Green's erased existence.)

    I don't think I saw this kind of theory used before, so it was rather unique, and worked to its advantage. So kudos to you for making it work, it must've been a fun challenge.

    I hope to see more like this from you soon, it was an entertaining ride.

    Why is bits of data being expunged when everyone here knows what it's about--OHGODTHEYFOUNDME
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    Review partially copy/pasted from several days ago because **** Hurricane Sandy. If any of my comments are already answered, please forgive me.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 1: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.
    Well now, this is certainly an interesting way to get started. Gives me a good hint to what the style of the story's going to be, and sets the tone nicely - I can tell that this isn't going to be funny already. This is serious.

    I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out if the code in the file's name means something significant.

    I hate dealing with children. Adults are predictable, and you don't get attached to them. When they're told about who we are, they only do one thing: panic. When they panic, we deal with them. Simple. But a child is harder. Some get scared, and in those cases, let's just say it's hard to look at myself in a mirror the next morning. The cockier ones try to fight us, and I can pass off what I do as self-defense if tell myself that it was enough times. And then there's the stupid ones who try to join us. We deal with those, but it's easier to do it with them than the other two kinds of kids because I don't have to lie to myself. I'm doing them a favor by not giving them the chance to be someone like me.
    An effective bit of background development. It gives me a nice look into the mind of this officer, and it's also something I can easily conceptualize in both sight and sound. Good job getting the reader behind the eyes of someone involved in this incident.

    Between you and me, when I first met her, I couldn't tell which kind of kid she was going to be. She was already a mess when she came in, and you never can tell what those kids will do if you push them enough. They can fall into any category so abruptly that you can only run on instinct to react. Some get aggressive and try to attack us out of nowhere. Some try to bargain with us by attempting to volunteer themselves. And then you've got the ones who just get messier. But I'm just repeating myself. The point is, she was a mess. You know. Hair in tangles, clothing torn, probably dried blood all over her, that kind of thing. But what I remember most about her were her eyes. She had these huge ones, man. Huge. And although I'm used to seeing wide, terrified eyes, there was just something about hers, you know?

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not a pedophile or anything. I'm just—it was creepy, okay? And people like me, we don't really get creeped out so easily. Crisis of consciences? We get those all the time. But not creeped out. You can't get creeped out if you work for the organization.
    Is it wrong to be visualizing the concept of the creepy young girl that often appears in horror movies? That's kind of how I'm seeing this, at least on a visual level.

    I feel creeped out a little myself right now.

    To be a little more accurate, there was one other thing I remember about her. She only had cuts and bruises. Minor stuff, according to the medics. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a big deal, but she went into the Dungeon. The fucking Dungeon. Not just any part of the Dungeon. No one gives a shit if the champion waltzes around on Level A or Level B. That's why the League's posted that guard. It's a champion's perk. But she was down on Level C. You know. Where that thing was. And that's only one of the things she could've found down there.
    I can't blame her for coming out of Cerulean Cave looking like this. Even if Mewtwo wasn't involved, that cave is a horrible place. But, since we know Mewtwo is involved, it's almost certainly all downhill from here...

    So, yeah, she was lucky to be alive. She's a trooper, really. I liked her for that.

    That's the problem. If you're in my position, rule number one is never like the ones the retrieval team brings in. They call you the disposal team for a goddamn reason; you don't need to be getting all sentimental.
    That's actually a good thought there. His philosophy on his job is very believable, as is the feeling of weakness he has over this girl and her feats.

    Anyway, where was I? Right. So they brought her in because no one's supposed to go down to Level C. That should've been sealed off with some of our own on a rotational shift near its entrance. That's how we contain that damn thing because you can't get within fifty feet of it without having it ripping your intestines out through your nostrils telekinetically. We don't know how she managed to do it; the higher ups think it let her. Arranged things for her. Put our guards to sleep or something just so it could meet her. That's part of the reason why she was brought in too, never mind the fact that she was a witness to the containment breach. They were going to ask her about that and about whether or not people knew about SE-004, and… well. Let's just say the entire disposal team was on standby for pretty much the whole fiasco.
    I found this paragraph to have some confusing wording. At first, it appears to say that Level C should have been sealed off, as in, it wasn't sealed but should have been. I had to reread the entire paragraph a couple of times before I understood that "should've been sealed off" meant that it being sealed off was the norm already.

    There's one other thing I don't understand. If Mewtwo can so easily put the guards to sleep, how are they containing him in Level C at all? No matter the answer, though, I'd like to learn more about the methods the guards were using to contain him anyway.

    So there we were. Plain concrete room, as per standard. Dr. Sage – y'know, the researcher in charge of the files on 004 – Agent [REDACTED], me, and the girl. And the girl looks at me with those big eyes, and I don't blame her for looking at me the way she did because I'm holding the standard-issue plasma cannon, just in case. I'd soil myself too if I saw someone standing in the corner of any room I'm in with that big of a gun.

    But anyway, she's just staring, and finally, after thirty times of Agent [REDACTED] asking what her name was, she finally gives us an answer.

    What kind of ass hole hippie parents name their kid Leaf? Answer me that one.
    Okay, I got a quick little laugh out of that one. In-character, but quite funny.

    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 3, EXCERPT 1: Recording of witness, subject LEAF GREEN, as conducted by DR. SAGE and AGENT [REDACTED].

    AGENT
    Leaf? All right. My name is Agent [REDACTED]. This is Dr. Sage and our associate [REDACTED]. We'd like to help you, okay?
    Okay, that... was a little abrupt, I have to say. I wasn't really expecting a sudden POV and style switch. That shift threw me for a bit. Although, on the other hand, as a stylistic choice for telling the story, it works fairly well to use this "recording" format.

    GREEN (voice low)
    Okay.

    AGENT
    That's a good girl. Dr. Sage?

    DR. SAGE
    Thank you. Hello, Leaf. I'd like to ask you something that might be hard for you right now, but we need to know to help you. Is that okay?

    GREEN (whispering)
    Okay.
    Stupid question, but when you say "recording" do you mean a written recording? I noticed that in the first segment it was "transcript of audio message," so I'm guessing that this is something like a person's documentation of what was said in the interrogation in written form.

    DR. SAGE
    Good. Now, think back. Can you remember what happened right before we found you?

    (Pause.)

    DR. SAGE
    Leaf?

    GREEN
    Psychic.

    DR. SAGE
    Sorry?

    GREEN
    I can't tell you. I need to show you.

    DR. SAGE
    It's okay, Leaf. You can talk to me in front of my friends. We won't hurt you.
    Somehow I get the feeling they will hurt her, or Sage won't but the others will.

    GREEN
    Not you. Not worried about you.

    (Pause.)

    DR. SAGE
    Who are you worried about, Leaf?

    (Pause.)

    GREEN (whispering)
    It can hear us through the wires.
    I actually got a chill down my spine at "It can hear us through the wires." Good work there.

    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 2: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.
    Again, the shift in POV and style - this time back to the original ones - is rather abrupt and jarring.

    Now, I do see why you would make this stylistic choice, and I completely understand it. I'm just not so certain it's all that much of a good idea to keep jumping back and forth.

    You know how I'd like to die? By volcano. Now hear me out. You've heard of Pompeii, right? It's this little island off the coast of Italy or something. Something Mediterranean.
    I can see where this is going - I saw it as soon as you brought up volcanoes - and I have to say, it's actually pretty clever.

    Anyway, hundreds of years ago, this little island was part of this huge empire you hear about all the time, right? And they just lived completely ordinary lives for God knows how long. But see, the thing is that the town on Pompeii had this volcano looming over it, right? And then one day, out of nowhere, the volcano just erupts. Just like that. Erupts out of nowhere. And there's ash and mud everywhere.

    So the people there didn't have a chance to get away because the majority of the island was covered in mud and ash or whatever within minutes, and only a handful of Pompeiians went, "Oh shit, there's a lava flow coming."

    Fast forward a few hundred years, and some archaeologist goes to Pompeii and digs a little, and under all that hardened mud and ash and whatever, he finds the entire town perfectly preserved. Like, the people there? Perfect casts of them. It must've been creepy as hell to see the Roman Empire or whatever right there.

    And I started thinking about it, and I realized that either way, volcanoes are a good way to go. Either you burn up until nothing's left of you, or you leave behind this perfect mold of your entire body for some poor bastard to dig up centuries from now. It's like if you don't die quickly, you're immortal, like a piece of art hidden away for whatever generation comes along and finds you.

    Just saying.
    Sometimes getting into more pretentious territory can be bad. Well, a lot of the times, it's bad. This is not one of those times. This history lesson and subsequent moral evaluation fit perfectly into the narrative of the story, and they act as smooth foreshadowing for what appears to be a future event. This is very good.

    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 3, EXCERPT 2: Recording of witness, subject LEAF GREEN, as conducted by DR. SAGE and AGENT [REDACTED].
    I feel like there are a few parts of the story that could have been served by some condensing, which would allow format shifts to happen less often. Which parts those are would have to be up to you, though.

    DR. SAGE
    Leaf, I'd like for you to meet my good friend Xatu. He's going to help you show us what happened.

    (XATU calls briefly.)

    DR. SAGE
    Will that be okay, Leaf?

    (Pause. AGENT [REDACTED]'s notes indicate that she nods at this point.)

    DR. SAGE
    Good. Xatu, use Psychic, please.

    (Due to XATU's psychic abilities, the recording distorts for 37 seconds. This span actually represents a period of 16 minutes of the actual interrogation according to AGENT [REDACTED]'s accompanying notes.)

    DR. SAGE (voice low)
    I see. Is that all that you can remember?
    I liked the touch of Xatu's powers warping a portion of the recording for an amount of time that does not accurately represent the actual time passed, but unfortunately I can't help but feel that it was a little forced because of the context. This context doesn't really lend itself well to talking about Leaf if she's giving visual clues.

    (Pause.)

    DR. SAGE
    Now, Leaf, if you want us to help you, you'll need to be completely honest with us.

    (Pause.)

    GREEN
    Will Red be okay?
    I should have known he'd be involved somehow.

    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 3: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.

    She wasn't alone down there, by the way. That's as much as I could glean from the reports. She had a brother. You ever heard of Red? The League crowned him champion when we rearranged everyone's memories to make people forget about Leaf. Red wasn't that bad either, but he wasn't incredible.
    The idea of a mass memory rewriting is a little bit of a stretch, but I can believe that some kind of steps were taken to suppress knowledge of what happened and erase Leaf from the public mind.

    I like the idea that Red and Leaf are siblings.

    Anyway, yeah, she convinced the League to let her take him down to the Dungeon. It was supposed to be some kind of brother-sister bonding thing where they went to the depths of that place to train and explore and maybe – I don't know – roast marshmallows over a campfire or whatever. But then they went to Level C, and something supposedly happened down there.

    What am I saying? Of course something happened because 004 escaped. Or nearly did. Not to mention that when the retrieval team found Leaf, there was no trace of Red.

    They eventually found the kid. Red, I mean. He's on Mt. Silver. I say he is because we haven't bothered to move him or anything. We don't really deal with mute people, after all. They don't do much talking, you know?
    And I REALLY like the explanation of Red becoming mute and going up on Mt. Silver.

    That's something I love to see - attention to little details like that. Thumbs up.

    Though getting back to the plot... "004 escaped. Or nearly did"? I bet there's more to this story than we know.

    In any case, he'll probably be the only one besides us who will remember the girl. Leaf's getting erased from public memory. It's a safety precaution, really, so no one else tries to bother 004 again.

    I don't get why we don't just kill the damn thing.
    Is it because they can't?

    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 3, EXCERPT 3: Recording of witness, subject LEAF GREEN, as conducted by DR. SAGE and AGENT [REDACTED].

    AGENT
    Leaf, I have one last question for you.

    (Pause.)

    AGENT
    The journals that were in your backpack when we picked you up. Where did you find them?
    Oh, wow, you're bringing in the Cinnabar Mansion journals? Now there's something that isn't always done. I'm really eager to see what you do with them.

    (Pause.)

    GREEN
    Cinnabar. Old place. The fire pokémon live there.

    AGENT
    Did anyone other than you know where they were?

    (Pause. AGENT [REDACTED]'s notes indicate that she nods at this point.)

    AGENT
    Who, Leaf? Please tell me.

    (Pause.)

    GREEN
    Cinnabar Island.

    (Pause.)

    AGENT
    Thank you, Leaf.

    (Pause.)

    AGENT
    [REDACTED]. Cinnabar Island.

    [REDACTED]
    Orders, sir?

    AGENT
    Burn it all.
    By the end of this, I became a little confused. However, I read ahead and my question about what the burning was referring to was answered fairly well.

    INCIDENT SE-004-03, FILE 4, EXCERPT 4: Transcript of audio message sent from Cinnabar Island Police Department, Precinct 1, dated [REDACTED], recorded by [REDACTED] of Task Force Iota-7.

    So finally getting to the point, I put the charges in the volcano and dosed most of the island with my butterfree's Stun Spore, just like you asked, Agent [REDACTED]. It's like you said: quick and simple. Just press a button, and in five seconds, everyone who knows about 004's going to be blown to Hell. Except for the mute kid, those dicks at Team Rocket, and you, of course. Hope you ass holes are happy. And yeah, I said you, not us. I'm sending you this message from Cinnabar's police department to let you know that I'll be going with the rest of the island.
    That answers what I was wondering about (along with fulfilling the earlier foreshadowing I suspected about volcanoes.) It struck me at first as a little over-the-top, but then I realized that for what kind of group this is, such a response is to be expected.

    Good job fitting it into the story of the Cinnabar volcano erupting.

    Guess what I'm trying to say is I regret to inform you that I will be resigning from my position at your organization, effective immediately. My reasons are largely on moral grounds, although I will always appreciate my time working with you.

    Not really, but I figured you wouldn't process this properly if I didn't sound professional for five seconds. Either that, or you'll reanimate my corpse because I'm still technically part of the organization. I know some of the other SE's can do that shit, and let me tell you right now that I will go George Romero on your ass if you try it.
    Okay, I'm sorry, but that was genuinely funny. A bright light in a very, very bleak situation.


    INCIDENT SE-004-01: Psychic imprint of subject LEAF GREEN'S memory as conveyed to DR. SAGE.


    (GREEN kneels behind a boulder beside a boy – RED, according to accompanying materials concerning this incident. The only lights in their location comes from a pair of flashlights they hold between them and a blue glow on a slope several meters away from them. Not much else is visible. The glow does not illuminate anything, and the flashlights only illuminate part of the children's legs and the slope back to the underground river they used to access this area. XATU does not relay any other sensations to add to this imprint except cold air and distant pokémon calls.


    It's good that you fulfilled the use of the information stimulated by Xatu. How is this being depicted to a hypothetical viewer, though? Is it a document? A recording?

    ADDENDUM FROM DR. SAGE: This location has been identified by Task Force Beta-15 as the southeast corner of [REDACTED], level C.)

    GREEN
    It's like it's waiting for us.

    RED (speech is broken and faltering)
    Really?

    GREEN (looks towards RED)
    Yeah. It's just standing there staring at us.

    (Silence.)

    GREEN
    I'm gonna catch it.
    Oh no Leaf what are you doing.

    RED (whispering)
    Leaf, don't!

    (GREEN laughs but keeps her voice low. She leans her entire body away from RED so she can look around the boulder to locate the blue glow. One of her hands reaches into her backpack to pull out a round, plastic object the size of her palm.)

    GREEN
    Relax. I've got a Master Ball, remember? It'll take three seconds, tops. Promise.
    This is not going to work right. That much is obvious.

    GREEN
    Besides, I'm the champion. It's not like it's gonna hurt me or anything. If something bad happens, I've got six strong pokémon who can deal with it, okay?
    She's quite the stubborn one, isn't she?

    RED
    Leaf.

    GREEN
    C'mon. You've got nothing to be worried about. I've got a Master Ball. I earned the Earth Badge. Three seconds, it'll obey our every command.

    RED
    Leaf, I really don't think we should—

    GREEN
    Seriously, Red, if you're that scared, let out Charizard or something.

    (GREEN moves away from the boulder and starts up the rest of the slope to the blue light. Twenty-seven seconds later, she hears a pop and a growl. She looks over her shoulder to see RED and a charizard partially hidden behind the boulder; the charizard's tail flame adds additional light to the area. Both RED and the charizard lean to the left just enough to stare at GREEN. GREEN's body shudders and turns back to the blue glow, and she notices that it has reacted to charizard's presence. It appears brighter to her, and now, she can see the silhouette of a tall, thin, humanoid figure whose eyes are the sources of the blue light. At this point, XATU relays the adrenaline spike associated with fear.)
    I think it's telling that Red actually did release Charizard, for one.

    I find myself wondering why Mewtwo is not killng Green. Obviously, she is doing something, but what it is is unclear.

    GREEN (whispering)
    Why isn't it moving?

    (She hesitates. [Memory vague on exact time frame. Accurate transcription impossible.] Then, she runs forward and throws the object she retrieved from her backpack. The object, the aforementioned "Master Ball," connects with the figure's shoulder and activates by splitting open and emitting a white light that engulfs its target. After this point, the light is drawn back into the ball, which shuts and drops to the ground. Once it lands, it rolls on its own back to GREEN's feet. She reaches for it.

    At this point, the psychic imprint failed to record approximately 6 minutes of GREEN's memory. It has been classified as lost time.

    GREEN stands at the bottom of the hill. She looks behind her at the peak and finds it completely empty. Then, she turns back to face forward just before taking a step backwards. In her hand, she holds a flashlight nearly broken in half. It is coated with something she realizes is warm and sticky. At her feet is RED, who is kneeling in front of her as he whimpers and visibly shakes. In the light of the charizard's tail flame, GREEN can see that his hat is off and that a laceration runs from the lower temple to the chin.)
    I think I may be approaching this story the wrong way. In a regular story, the six absent minutes would be a problem because it would represent an amazingly convenient plot contrivance, but I'm putting myself into a different mindset now and looking at it more as a creepypasta, which I probably should have been doing all along. In that regard, the six minute absence fits within the narrative. I can't help but wonder, though, if the intended effect is lost on me, because I'm just feeling a little unsettled, not all that creeped out.

    GREEN
    Red! Oh God!

    (GREEN drops the flashlight and reaches for him. Before she can touch him, the charizard roars and grabs its trainer with its claws. RED begins screaming incoherently, causing GREEN to scramble backwards.)

    GREEN
    Red! Oh my God! Red!

    (The charizard draws the still-screaming RED into its arms. GREEN attempts to run forward and grab RED, but the pokémon swings its wing at her. At this point, GREEN's vision blurs as her body is knocked into the side of the hill. XATU's psychic imprint registers acute pain in the upper back, matching a bruise noted on the staff's initial physical examination of GREEN upon arrival to Facility [REDACTED]. By the time GREEN's vision resolves itself – once she sits up – the charizard and RED have disappeared. GREEN sits and pants for 4 minutes in darkness.)
    Wow, Xatu's power can really do that much? Sense even physical injury?

    GREEN
    Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God, what did I do?

    (She stands and starts pacing in circles on the riverbank.)

    GREEN
    Oh God! What did I do? What did I do?

    (Abruptly, she stops. Her head drops slightly, and she stands completely silent and still for an additional 6 minutes. At the end of this time period, an object contacts the side of her left foot. She reaches down to pick it up, and as she holds it at arm's length, her vision registers it as the Master Ball. It emits a blue light from its core.)

    UNIDENTIFIED
    Trainer. Take me outside.

    GREEN (voice low)
    Okay.
    And there's the explanation of what Mewtwo wanted with her. That whole plot with Mewtwo wanting Leaf to capture him was resolved nicely. I think a whole story could be written in a different style about it.


    ---

    ADDENDUM: INCIDENT SE-004-01, FILE 1: Journal entries recovered by LEAF GREEN from wreckage of [REDACTED] on Cinnabar Island.

    (NOTE FROM DR. SAGE: The following journal entries chronicle portions, but not all, of the discovery of SE-005, the creation of SE-004, and Incident SE-004-01. Much of the journal has been severely damaged in the destruction of [REDACTED] and cannot be replicated. As such, this document is only a partially complete record, with replications based on editorial conclusions as to what the original text might have said.)

    July 5
    Guyana, South America
    A new pokémon was discovered deep in the jungle.


    July 10
    We christened the newly discovered pokémon, [SE-005].


    Feb. 6
    [SE-005] gave birth. We named the newborn [SE-004].


    Sept. 1
    [SE-004] is far too powerful. We have failed to curb its vicious tendencies…
    I'm not going to really comment on these existing notes, since we are all already familiar with them, but they do set the stage for what's about to come...


    Sept. 2
    Dr. [REDACTED] has disappeared. According to claims made by several members of our peers, [SE-004] is responsible. We do not yet have the data to explain this.


    Sept. 9
    Pieces of Dr. [REDACTED] has been found. We have made arrangements to cremate him. All efforts to contain [SE-004] have failed.
    I'm really feeling the creepypasta factor here. This part is where it's really kicking into gear - it's organized neatly and depicting some pretty horrifying events, but it's also being very sparse with what it says, which enhances the eeriness of it all.


    Sept. 12
    Several members of our team claim to hear [SE-004] constantly, despite the fact that it is contained in [REDACTED]. It is difficult to sleep…
    Now my skin is crawling. You're really nailing the creepy factor here. Maybe it helps that having things invading your thoughts is something that tweaks me personally, but hey, if it works, it works.


    Sept. 20
    Nurse [REDACTED] has died. She walked into [SE-004]'s containment cell and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Her body has been removed, and we [DATA EXPUNGED].


    Oct. 1
    Six others have died. We have attempted to prevent three others from succumbing to [SE-004], but that has provoked [SE-004] itself. The rest of us have barricaded ourselves as deeply in the laboratory as possible, but it will be no use. [SE-004] has sent [REDACTED] to find us. They have already cut our communication lines.
    If I may, I have to say that this part would have been a lot creepier without so much overkill on the [DATA EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED]. Withholding information is an effective tool for building dread, but if you withhold too much information - well, here for example, we see people dying and Mewtwo's influence sending someone to "find" the scientists, but there just isn't enough here to really know anything besides the creepypasta tropes of unsettling deaths and paranoia.


    Oct. 5
    Every night, we hear them. They're coming for us. [SE-004] talks to me too now. We have not slept for three days.


    Oct. 7
    The others are coming. They want to cut us open. They say Im [sic] the last one. [SE-004] shows me things when im [sic] awake now. We didn't know that (The entry ends here.)
    Now we're back to form. I wish we knew who the "them" are, but the other horror devices are sufficient to outweigh that. I don't know what it is, but the "they want to cut us open" really gets me.


    Oct. 8
    He hears us through the wires that's how he (The entry ends here.)


    Oct. 9
    The banging has gotten louder and [SE-004] is still here Always here


    oct 10
    im so sorry


    oct 10
    burn it all burn it all burn it all burn it all (This repeats for three pages. The third ends abruptly, implying that there may have been other pages at some point.)

    oct [ILLEGIBLE]
    [ILLEGIBLE]
    I see another effective horror device here - the progressive degeneration of the journal keeper's writing. I do think the entry that's entirely illegible and tells us absolutely nothing could be trimmed, but the others are terrifying. The first two are relatively standard paranoia, but then the one where he says he's sorry... who is he apologizing to? It's entirely conceivable that he's apologizing to Mewtwo, and the fact that you cannot clearly tell just makes it all the more frightening. Then, writing "burn it all" for three or more pages... you can really feel his desperation there.

    8ct End
    He has asked us to open the door and look into the light, and we have. There is no god there but [DATA EXPUNGED].
    I appreciate the punch of this ending, but I feel like leaving whatever it is he saw completely expunged takes a little bit of its impact away. If there was some way to put a single letter of that word in before cutting it off, it would provoke thought more, I think.

    Anyway, all in all this is a relatively solid, if unbalanced, work. The frightening parts really do hit you with the force of a truck, so I suppose you accomplished the main goal you set out to do. I do think that there was a little bit excessive use of the blanked out portions, and the constant switching between viewpoints and styles may have suppressed a bit of the potential pace you could have worked up. I'd be curious to see how this plotline would turn out told in a more traditional sense, maybe using Leaf capturing and falling under Mewtwo's spell plus the Cinnabar journals as the primary storytelling devices.

    I hope you don't think this is a bad review, though. I really do like it.

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  13. #13
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    Don't know if you intended this as a horror story, but after reading it last night, that was the only category I could place it in. Everyone else has gone through everything else, so I'll concentrate on that for this review:

    I quite like subtle horror in stories, and this...this is one of the best examples of psychological horror I've seen in a long time. That's what I loved about this story; you didn't need to show us gore for it to be scary. You let our imaginations run wild about what Mewtwo had done, and the agency, in particular, gives the reader a sense of paranoia as well.

    Where to begin with the latter...knowing that they're ruthless enough to stun spore the entire city of Cinnabar and then set off a volcanic eruption to make it look natural is one of the most cold-blooded things I've seen in a story in a long while. The people on this island are going to be completely aware of their surroundings. They're going to be completely aware that they're going to die, and that they can't do a damned thing about it. What's even worse is that the explosion itself won't kill anyone except the people near the mountain. The volcanic ash - or in some extremely horrible cases - the lava is going to do that job for them because they're pragmatic enough to know that it would seem more natural and seem like less of a conspiracy. The fact that the agent who did that (the guy from Iota-7, who was my favorite character, by the way) committed suicide out of guilt is just one more thing that shows how purely evil this was.

    The second thing: the fact that they're willing to use psychic Pokemon to wipe and rearrange memories is completely unethical. Why, you may ask? Leaf's mother doesn't even remember that she has a daughter. Every good thing that she ever did is going to be erased from human memory. These are minds that we're talking about here, and I would think that a psychic would normally balk at using their powers like that on such a massive scale. So they're forcing Pokemon - Pokemon that could likely be classified as sentient beings - to discard their morals and ethics.

    The third thing: we still don't know what the hell they're going to do to Leaf when they've extracted everything useful out of her. I honestly think that the nicest thing that they'd do is kill her. There are some really screwed up things that they could do that I'm not even going to mention here; the thought terrifies me that much. And the most frightening part about that? Based on what we've seen, they wouldn't hesitate to do whatever they think is necessary to contain her.

    And finally? They're - literally - everywhere. Police departments, think tanks, the leagues, the criminal organizations, etc. Keeping Mewtwo in check can't possibly be the only thing they're doing, no matter how powerful it is. So what else are they doing that requires them to have so many different sleeper agents and spec-ops teams in so many different places?

    That brings me to the next bit: Mewtwo. The fact that it traumatized Red - a child - so much that he can't even speak is too awful to think about. My theory is that it overloaded his mind by showing him what happened back at Cinnabar. Yeah, that would probably screw me up for life as well.

    Oh, and speaking of Cinnabar, the fact that it psychologically tortured the scientists the way it did reminds me so much of my story that it almost scares me. The ending, where the guy who's writing the journal seems to have the mind of someone afflicted with schizophrenia or something else that would make his writing look like word salad (hence the impaired fine motor skills) is just so unbelievably scary from a psychological horror perspective...mere words cannot describe how utterly beautiful and terrifying that scene is.

    This fic, in my honest opinion, hands down wins the category of Best Horror fic in 2012 and not just because I think that Anima Ex Machina is a sci-fi fic, not a horror fic. XD, and there's a few parts in here that should win Most Frightening Scene as well. It is so incredibly-rare to see a horror fic that is psychological, that scares people because of what it implies, not because of any mention of gore (which I absolutely despise when writers decide to use that for horror alone. C'mon, people, show us why it should be scary!).

    I apologize if this review seems like excessive flattering. I just love psych-horror so much, and to see a fic that uses it to such an effect is rare and always a delight to read.

    Sincerely,

    Mem.
    COMING SOON

    Warmonger - A fantasy fic where peasants fight the wars of kings and lords, where monsters lurk in the night, and where depravity is not only expected, but encouraged...

  14. #14
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    So it’s the middle of finals season, and my computer with the old half-written responses kinda died. As in, I shouldn’t be on, but let’s go plow through these anyway because I’m a risktaker like that. 8D And also, this is a shameless attempt to get in a word before this thread turns into my zombie puppet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ememew View Post
    This. I may or may not have recently written a fic based around Kanto's sole plot point because even that has its weirdness.
    One day, you will be required to post these shenanigans. I hope you realize that.

    Although people who read too much into the games can at least do stuff with the apparent worsening of Kanto's economy (the never built building in Vermillion, the closed bike shop in Cerulean, the pre-remake loss of the Safari Zone . . .) And I'm rambling so . . . on to the responses to me, then.
    Semi-decent creepypasta concerning the Vermillion bit notwithstanding, amirite? (IT’S A GHOST STOMPING THAT LAND FLAT, GUYS. A GHOST.)

    But you do bring up a pretty awesome point! Johto is flourishing while Kanto is slowly but surely getting worse and worse. There’s the abandoned Karate Dojo too, the lack of a Viridian Forest pre-remakes, the Pewter Museum’s pretty much a shell for some reason.

    ANYWAY!

    Don't worry about it. A rushed story is never as good as one you have time to work on.
    And now I have to do it again because my computer ate what I had done already! \o/

    Lesson, kids. Back up your **** every week.

    Unless you didn’t like what you were working on anyway. orz

    And my Leaf idea may not go anywhere fast because I'm still working a lot of details out. I am such a slow writer sometimes.
    We should totally trade IM info and motivate the crap out of each other.

    As a Mew should!
    Exactly!

    Just figured the organization would have a mole or two in the League trying to dissuade champions from going too deep inside somehow.
    ….

    And now they do.

    Because that’s an awesome idea.

    The story still works either way, though. (maybe Mewtwo got to whoever was on duty . . . oh, wait, that is already in the story, isn't it?)
    Yeeeep. ;D

    Although thinking a bit more, if they have the ability to erase memories of Leaf from the whole region (aside from some Rockets, apparently), why not just erase the memories of people in Cinnabar instead of forcing an eruption? Don't get me wrong, it was a powerful image - especially the insights into the agent tasked with doing it - but there seems to have been a less drastic alternative available unless there was some reason they couldn't just psychic the knowledge of Mewtwo and the lab away.
    This partly stems from the question of, “No, seriously, why the hell is there a giant abandoned labyrinth right the eff in the middle of the tiny island, and why does no one talk about it?” I like to think that the staff of the lab had families, and those families had to live somewhere. That’s why when Leaf was asked who else knew about the reports, she simply said, “Cinnabar Island.”

        Spoiler:- What is wrong with my head that I think of such things?:
    Why did I just read that in BBC!Sherlock’s voice? *shot!*

    Also, that could be something else that happened. ;D

    Quote Originally Posted by pkmn traveler enrique View Post
    I really like it! its mystery and i imagine that i was leaf! so i enjoy it to much n.n
    Thank you!

    ...Although I worry about you if you imagined that you were Leaf. Like, crazy-nearly-dead-Leaf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kutie Pie View Post
    Holy cow, how in the world did I miss this? *beat* Oh yeah... don't check this place often.
    It’s okay. I really need to stop forgetting Shipping Fics is a thing too.

    Anyway, I had to get my creepy soundtrack ready before I wanted to read it, but when I reached the half-way point, and when I realized what was going on, and what it was about, music reached the point of insanity and creeped me out for a bit... both music and story worked to a "T" o_o. *cough*
    ...And I sort of want to know what was on this soundtrack, ngl.

    This was a nice touch, to use the SCP Foundation as inspiration. I can see this as being part of the archives (in which case, you could've added a bit of information of the subject before getting to the data itself,
    Item #: SE-004

    Object Class: Keter. God help you all.

    *shot again!*

    but eh, though I don't know who the narrator was for the first half). It's creepy and mysterious enough for it. Shame this is the censored version. I'd like to see what the uncensored version looks like (if it is indeed available).
    Well, there’s the unedited version on Pokécommunity, but trust me when I say this is definitely better. ._. (Longer too, actually.)

    I'm also curious as to whether [SE-004] escaped, or if it's still in containment somewhere. Though judging from what happened at the end... [SE-004] escaped. (Which could possibly be why [SE-004] was found in Level C three years later, unless you weren't going by the remakes, which would explain Green's erased existence.)
    *fingertents for great justice*

    I had a response here. I just liked the fact that there’s theories.

    I don't think I saw this kind of theory used before, so it was rather unique, and worked to its advantage. So kudos to you for making it work, it must've been a fun challenge.
    Thank you!

    I hope to see more like this from you soon, it was an entertaining ride.
    Well, there are several other legendaries and extraordinary characters and concepts in the Pokémon universe to index... ;D

    Why is bits of data being expunged when everyone here knows what it's about--OHGODTHEYFOUNDME
    Note from Dr. Valentine: “Seriously, can we tell the Iotas to ease up on the whole erasing thing?”
    Response from A-7: “Request denied.”

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Review partially copy/pasted from several days ago because **** Hurricane Sandy. If any of my comments are already answered, please forgive me.
    Totally cool. Glad to hear you’re all right, though, but yeah, eff the real world.

    Well now, this is certainly an interesting way to get started. Gives me a good hint to what the style of the story's going to be, and sets the tone nicely - I can tell that this isn't going to be funny already. This is serious.
    Thank you!

    I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out if the code in the file's name means something significant.
    It actually does! And I’m pretty sure I didn’t answer it in this thread (i.e., only answered it in the PC thread), but hey, here it is again!

        Spoiler:- ”Spoilers!”:


    An effective bit of background development. It gives me a nice look into the mind of this officer, and it's also something I can easily conceptualize in both sight and sound. Good job getting the reader behind the eyes of someone involved in this incident.
    Thank you!

    Is it wrong to be visualizing the concept of the creepy young girl that often appears in horror movies? That's kind of how I'm seeing this, at least on a visual level.

    I feel creeped out a little myself right now.
    Nope. Because it’s me, and I apparently have something against little girls. *motions to Hope*

    I can't blame her for coming out of Cerulean Cave looking like this. Even if Mewtwo wasn't involved, that cave is a horrible place. But, since we know Mewtwo is involved, it's almost certainly all downhill from here...
    And she’s an eleven-year-old girl in a me-fic too, so she was just screwed from the start.

    I found this paragraph to have some confusing wording. At first, it appears to say that Level C should have been sealed off, as in, it wasn't sealed but should have been. I had to reread the entire paragraph a couple of times before I understood that "should've been sealed off" meant that it being sealed off was the norm already.
    Sorry about that. I’ll check out the paragraph again and see if there’s a way to clarify it.

    There's one other thing I don't understand. If Mewtwo can so easily put the guards to sleep, how are they containing him in Level C at all?
    Containment Procedures: SE-004 is to be kept in the third and lowermost level (Level C) of the Cerulean Cave System. A security checkpoint is to be established at the level’s entrance in the northwesternmost corner of Level A; all other entrances to the basement are to be blocked off. No fewer than six highly skilled trainers armed with a weapon of their choice and teams including at least one (1) high-leveled dark-type are to be stationed at the checkpoint. These trainers will be relieved every twelve hours but are required to undergo psychological evaluation before leaving the Cerulean Cave site. Under no circumstances may anything besides wild pokémon enter Level C. Should anything pass the checkpoint, they should be assumed to be potential containment breaches. Contact with anything leaving Level C should be treated with Procedure Gamma [full-scale, all-out pokémon battle between all six trainers and the escapee]; if a human attempts to leave Level C, the team of trainers has been instructed to use Procedure Iota [shoot to kill] unless otherwise stated.

    Periodically, a taskforce from Gamma-04 armed with high-leveled pokémon, including at least one rock-type, will enter Level B to check for possible new entryway into Level C. Should they find any burrow that appears to cut all the way through to Level C, they are instructed to use their rock-types to induce a cave-in on the entire corridor of the level.



    (The only thing this doesn’t explain is why Red wasn’t killed on-sight, but then again, mysterious happenings that let him and Leaf down there in the first place.)

    Okay, I got a quick little laugh out of that one. In-character, but quite funny.
    *bows*

    Okay, that... was a little abrupt, I have to say. I wasn't really expecting a sudden POV and style switch.
    You’re right when you say later on that this is meant to read like a creepypasta, but if it helps, think of it more of a found footage fic. One of the other inspirations for the whole shebang is the Japanese film Noroi, which liked to bounce between some really creepy documentary and this bubbly daytime talk show up until the point where everything just sort of bled together. So you have different documents thrown in a box getting accessed by an outside character who keeps jumping from one piece to the next.

    (Something else to help clarify things a bit is that one of the things I like best about found footage films is that if it’s done well, it actually adds a nameless outsider character. Like, you’re presented these film clips as if they’re real, so you have to ask yourself why they’re presented in this order or why they’re edited in this way -- or even who’s editing them. The answer is that there’s this mysterious other character outside of the frame who’s doing all of that, and in a way, the story is theirs. The same thing’s happening here. The reason why the story’s jumping back and forth between different files when it hits different reference points -- and the reason why I brought up the “bookmarks” earlier -- is because the outsider character is an agent who’s accessing different files on SE-004 and looking from one to the next to the next. Why they’re doing that is more of the mystery, and that’s not something I have an answer to either because they’re meant to be you, basically.)

    Stupid question, but when you say "recording" do you mean a written recording? I noticed that in the first segment it was "transcript of audio message," so I'm guessing that this is something like a person's documentation of what was said in the interrogation in written form.
    Admittedly, I probably should’ve included a transcript note somewhere in here because this is a transcript. The difference between this file and the other is that I’d like to convey the sense that the interrogation is actually being listened to alongside the script (as the audio message would’ve probably been redacted).

    Somehow I get the feeling they will hurt her, or Sage won't but the others will.
    Yep.

    I actually got a chill down my spine at "It can hear us through the wires." Good work there.
    Thank you!

    Again, the shift in POV and style - this time back to the original ones - is rather abrupt and jarring.
    Meant to be. *nods*

    Now, I do see why you would make this stylistic choice, and I completely understand it. I'm just not so certain it's all that much of a good idea to keep jumping back and forth.
    I don’t normally contest my reviewers, but I do have to say there’s a good reason for it -- namely that the story can’t really be told any other way. A lot of each individual piece loses its effect if it’s pulled out of its current place and reshuffled so that each file becomes whole again. If I ever did entire entries for the organization, sure, I’d probably regroup them, but for the purposes of this fic, I don’t think it would’ve worked, just because one piece drops foreshadowing for the next. For example, after Leaf mentions Red for the first time, that leads into [REDACTED] mentioning that Leaf had a brother and then that she was going to get erased from public memory. The interrogation takes that part and turns it into the fact that the organization totally would lay waste to an entire island if it meant keeping people quiet, so a girl’s no big deal.

    That’s why I had a lot of trouble fixing up the fic from the unedited to the edited version, actually. A lot of parts had to be reshuffled (so pieces made more sense where they were), and as a result, a lot got rewritten. I’d imagine I’d have to do a lot of rewriting to tell the incident’s story with unbroken files, but at the same time, I wouldn’t have the same bridges that I was trying to build up.

    Sometimes getting into more pretentious territory can be bad. Well, a lot of the times, it's bad. This is not one of those times.
    ;D

    I feel like there are a few parts of the story that could have been served by some condensing, which would allow format shifts to happen less often. Which parts those are would have to be up to you, though.
    Same as above. *nod* I’ve played with the idea of condensing this fic even further (after doing the rewrites from the unedited to the edited versions), but this is about as far down as I can get without losing those bridges.

    I liked the touch of Xatu's powers warping a portion of the recording for an amount of time that does not accurately represent the actual time passed, but unfortunately I can't help but feel that it was a little forced because of the context. This context doesn't really lend itself well to talking about Leaf if she's giving visual clues.
    Aaaaaactually, she isn’t. One of the things that I don’t think I made clear enough (my bad!) is that the recording isn’t an audio-visual one, hence the notes from Agent about Leaf’s physical gestures and the lack of description. It’s actually just an audio recording. The reason why the comment about the time skip happened, meanwhile, is because it’s a transcript, so every last detail and glitch needs to be recorded for analysis later.

    I should have known he'd be involved somehow.
    Naturally.

    The idea of a mass memory rewriting is a little bit of a stretch, but I can believe that some kind of steps were taken to suppress knowledge of what happened and erase Leaf from the public mind.
    Pretty much. The organization’s sort of into the whole “do things over-the-top if it means people get silenced” approach.

    That's something I love to see - attention to little details like that. Thumbs up.
    I have a lot of fun with it. ;D

    Though getting back to the plot... "004 escaped. Or nearly did"? I bet there's more to this story than we know.
    Oh yes.

    Is it because they can't?
    Yeah, pretty much. Because [REDACTED] doesn’t take “it can strangle you with your own intestines from fifty meters away” as an excuse.

    Oh, wow, you're bringing in the Cinnabar Mansion journals? Now there's something that isn't always done. I'm really eager to see what you do with them.
    Kill off an entire island! \o/

    That answers what I was wondering about (along with fulfilling the earlier foreshadowing I suspected about volcanoes.) It struck me at first as a little over-the-top, but then I realized that for what kind of group this is, such a response is to be expected.

    Good job fitting it into the story of the Cinnabar volcano erupting.
    *bows*

    Everything is a conspiracy in this universe. Everything.

    Okay, I'm sorry, but that was genuinely funny. A bright light in a very, very bleak situation.
    Thank you!

    I will one day quit a job that way. *solemn nod*

    It's good that you fulfilled the use of the information stimulated by Xatu. How is this being depicted to a hypothetical viewer, though? Is it a document? A recording?
    Actual telepathic transference. 8D

    As in, you fit yourself with a special helmet, flip the switch, and have someone else’s memories (copied via a psychic-type -- hence “psychic imprint”) uploaded temporarily into your brain.

    Hey, if some teenagers with apparently no corporate funding can invent a computer that stores Pokémon on an alternative internet, I can say this world’s technology is advanced enough to have psychic helmets.

    Oh no Leaf what are you doing.
    Poke dangerous things with sticks.

    Exactly what every other Pokémon protagonist does! 8D

    She's quite the stubborn one, isn't she?
    Oh yes. Before her brain got scrambled, anyway.

    I find myself wondering why Mewtwo is not killng Green. Obviously, she is doing something, but what it is is unclear.
    Her flesh is soft and tender... and therefore just right for deflecting bullets.

    In that regard, the six minute absence fits within the narrative. I can't help but wonder, though, if the intended effect is lost on me, because I'm just feeling a little unsettled, not all that creeped out.
    Nope! You’ve got the idea! 8D

    Wow, Xatu's power can really do that much? Sense even physical injury?
    Yep. It’s pretty much copying down everything Leaf remembers, right down to how much it hurt like a mother.

    And there's the explanation of what Mewtwo wanted with her. That whole plot with Mewtwo wanting Leaf to capture him was resolved nicely. I think a whole story could be written in a different style about it.
    Is that a request? ;D

    I'm really feeling the creepypasta factor here. This part is where it's really kicking into gear - it's organized neatly and depicting some pretty horrifying events, but it's also being very sparse with what it says, which enhances the eeriness of it all.
    Thanks! This was probably the hardest part to work with, I have to say. I wanted to maintain the simplicity of the original entries but go into detail about how horrific the first incident was. And apparently, you just can’t tweet “oh god my team is getting eviscerated” without it sounding... off.

    If I may, I have to say that this part would have been a lot creepier without so much overkill on the [DATA EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED]. Withholding information is an effective tool for building dread, but if you withhold too much information - well, here for example, we see people dying and Mewtwo's influence sending someone to "find" the scientists, but there just isn't enough here to really know anything besides the creepypasta tropes of unsettling deaths and paranoia.
    I do see what you mean in this case, especially regarding the parts that read [REDACTED]. I’ll consider it for those bits (the first one definitely because it’s pretty obvious I’m talking about a Nurse Joy there). Not sure what I’d so about the [DATA EXPUNGED] parts because, well, I’d like to keep them expunged. Because what would be there would pretty much catapult this fic into rating territories that aren’t actually allowed on this site.

    I appreciate the punch of this ending, but I feel like leaving whatever it is he saw completely expunged takes a little bit of its impact away. If there was some way to put a single letter of that word in before cutting it off, it would provoke thought more, I think.
    6

    Have fun! <3

    But seriously, I can see what you mean, but on the other hand, it could be argued that even if I did give you a letter, it might not mean much. For example, if I gave you the letter D, that could mean a lot of things along cliché lines. Death. Destruction. Discord. And I could go on. I could give you S, and you could probably wander along Biblical possibilities if it didn't make you think Solitude, Silence, or whatnot. C might have you bring up Cthulhu, but it also might bring up Chaos. You get a general sense that whatever is there is definitely not a kind and loving and sane god (if it's a god at all), but you don't know what it actually is. So instead, I gave you a blank that you can fill in with your own conclusions as to what that god (or being) is.

    Sure, I could've given you a letter because I just said it wouldn't have mattered, but on the other hand, giving you a letter would've given you a more solid idea, wouldn't it? But then that wouldn't match what that entity was for everyone. See, whatever the scientist saw was the most horrific thing that anyone can imagine. What that thing is can't really be defined because, well, the most horrifying thing to you isn't the most horrifying thing to me. So, let's say I said S if I thought spiders were horrific. But you might not come up with something sufficiently horrific that starts with S, so you'd spend more time trying to conjure something sufficiently horrifying that begins with that letter than just conjuring something sufficiently horrifying, period.

    That's what a lot of this fic runs on, actually: the power of the blank line. A lot of the time, the story asks you to fill in the blank with whatever you think is appropriate not because I couldn't think of something to put there (because I most certainly could) but instead because sometimes, you don't show the audience the monster and let them imagine what the monster looks like. In other words, it'd probably be less horrifying if you knew exactly what every [DATA EXPUNGED] actually was than if you were just given the clue, "This is the worst possible thing you can imagine." (That's also why I didn't say exactly what happened to Nurse Joy up there. I still won't say it, even privately.)

    Incidentally, I don't mean to come off as egotistical or anything by saying that. I'm just saying I might be a practitioner of serious swagger (whatever that might mean for serious what are you talking about right now Jax), but I have zero confidence in coming up with a universal, brown-pants-inducing fear without accompanying illustrations. And I suck as an artist. So you get blanks instead to play Darkest Depths of Your Psyche Mad Libs. (That should seriously be a thing. It would be sweet.)

    Buuut if you need a solid answer, what was there in my mind when I envisioned the entry (from the perspective of an organization researcher -- because imagining what the scientist saw was entirely different, let me tell you):

        Spoiler:- ”Wheeeeee~!”:


    I'd be curious to see how this plotline would turn out told in a more traditional sense, maybe using Leaf capturing and falling under Mewtwo's spell plus the Cinnabar journals as the primary storytelling devices.
    Haha, I’m not sure if there’d be much else on that end to talk about, admittedly, except for what happened to Red. On the organization’s end, though, there’d probably be plenty more.

    I hope you don't think this is a bad review, though. I really do like it.
    I never think you leave bad reviews. Thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento View Post
    Don't know if you intended this as a horror story, but after reading it last night, that was the only category I could place it in.
    XDDD Oh, don’t worry. I totally wrote this as a romantic comedy horror!

    Oh god a romantic comedy involving Mewtwo. Brb, pestering Kutie Pie for plot bunnies.

    That's what I loved about this story; you didn't need to show us gore for it to be scary. You let our imaginations run wild about what Mewtwo had done, and the agency, in particular, gives the reader a sense of paranoia as well.
    Thank you~!

    Where to begin with the latter...knowing that they're ruthless enough to stun spore the entire city of Cinnabar and then set off a volcanic eruption to make it look natural is one of the most cold-blooded things I've seen in a story in a long while. The people on this island are going to be completely aware of their surroundings. They're going to be completely aware that they're going to die, and that they can't do a damned thing about it. What's even worse is that the explosion itself won't kill anyone except the people near the mountain. The volcanic ash - or in some extremely horrible cases - the lava is going to do that job for them because they're pragmatic enough to know that it would seem more natural and seem like less of a conspiracy. The fact that the agent who did that (the guy from Iota-7, who was my favorite character, by the way) committed suicide out of guilt is just one more thing that shows how purely evil this was.
    And to top everything off, the guy from Iota-7 kills children for a living, and even (s)he thinks the rest of the organization’s more despicable. Sure, with remorse, but still!

    Leaf's mother doesn't even remember that she has a daughter. Every good thing that she ever did is going to be erased from human memory. These are minds that we're talking about here, and I would think that a psychic would normally balk at using their powers like that on such a massive scale. So they're forcing Pokemon - Pokemon that could likely be classified as sentient beings - to discard their morals and ethics.
    Yep! \o/

    The third thing: we still don't know what the hell they're going to do to Leaf when they've extracted everything useful out of her. I honestly think that the nicest thing that they'd do is kill her. There are some really screwed up things that they could do that I'm not even going to mention here; the thought terrifies me that much. And the most frightening part about that? Based on what we've seen, they wouldn't hesitate to do whatever they think is necessary to contain her.
    Oh yes. And while I could give a very easy answer to this one, I think it would be more fun for everyone if I didn’t.

    And finally? They're - literally - everywhere. Police departments, think tanks, the leagues, the criminal organizations, etc. Keeping Mewtwo in check can't possibly be the only thing they're doing, no matter how powerful it is. So what else are they doing that requires them to have so many different sleeper agents and spec-ops teams in so many different places?
    Oh, that index of SEs is quite large and globally expansive. ;D

    That brings me to the next bit: Mewtwo. The fact that it traumatized Red - a child - so much that he can't even speak is too awful to think about. My theory is that it overloaded his mind by showing him what happened back at Cinnabar. Yeah, that would probably screw me up for life as well.
    *nod* And of course, getting the crap beaten out of you by your puppetted sister is probably not going to help either.

    This fic, in my honest opinion, hands down wins the category of Best Horror fic in 2012 and not just because I think that Anima Ex Machina is a sci-fi fic, not a horror fic. XD, and there's a few parts in here that should win Most Frightening Scene as well.
    asdfghjkl; Thank you so much, for serious. ;_; I had a lot of fun working on this, so it’s awesome to hear that people enjoyed reading through it this much.

    It is so incredibly-rare to see a horror fic that is psychological, that scares people because of what it implies, not because of any mention of gore (which I absolutely despise when writers decide to use that for horror alone. C'mon, people, show us why it should be scary!).
    *high five* Agreed so hard on the note about gore. Probably why I’m not that into a lot of mainstream horror films these days. It’s not that scary to show us some guy’s intestines and be done with it, y’know? You gotta build up to that first. But if you’ve got the build up but don’t need the intestines, the story still works. A lot of people forget that, and I really don’t think movies like the entire Saw franchise is really helping matters. *le shrug*

    Buuuut /end rant

    Anyway, thanks so much to you and everyone else! ;_; I’m really glad this was so well-received, in part because I am seriously thinking about screwing around with narrative styles more making the SE index/universe an actual thing.

    After I officially de-lurk. After finals. Because oh God no.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 2nd December 2012 at 8:37 AM.

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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  15. #15
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    First off, hell yes there needs to be an SE Pokemon Wiki now. Now that I know what the SPC Foundation is, anyway. Writing about Mewtwo works hella well for that, and holy cow you went in quite the direction with it. Personally I enjoy Mewtwo being badass, but being a creeptastic mofo is pretty badass in itself. Did I mention that I love your incorporating the mythos you recently detailed in your LJ? Badass.

    I really don't have much of constructive value to say, really. I thought the style was great, and I never had any confusion about the different files being accessed (though it took until your responses to reviews to consciously realize "oh yes, these wouldn't have been the same incident of course"). The script of the audio files was great in its detachment, and I liked the detail and preciseness of the "it seems like X amount of time passed, but it felt like Y amount of time" bits (because yay psychic stuff messing things up).

    My main curiosity lies in what happened during those six minutes where Green's memory fails and Red is reduced to a shaking mess. Did Mewtwo take over her body and make her do atrocious things? Did he invade both their minds? What happened that left red a mute recluse? I love the type of horror that leaves the reader to invent their own scenarios, so I appreciate that. (Frankly, I'm surprised you've given away a few things at all, but hey, shows you're not just doing so because you don't have the answers. I'm impressed that you've even written up containment procedures to boot.)

    This also has great reread value, especially because you get a lot more you might have missed the first time. Reading the first scene the first time around I was still getting a feel for the tone of the story and didn't have the full picture. Actually having a better idea of why the agent is reacting this way added a whole new layer to the scene for me. Knowing what Mewtwo was capable of this time around while reading of Green and Red in Level C added to the creep level for sure.


    That's really all I can think of. Except please write more of these. =D

    ~Psychic

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  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
    First off, hell yes there needs to be an SE Pokemon Wiki now.
    brb, pestering the host of my domain for a shiny wiki.

    Writing about Mewtwo works hella well for that, and holy cow you went in quite the direction with it. Personally I enjoy Mewtwo being badass, but being a creeptastic mofo is pretty badass in itself. Did I mention that I love your incorporating the mythos you recently detailed in your LJ? Badass.
    You can call me the Samuel L. Jackson of Pokémon fic.

    Or not. That's cool too.

    But thank you! I have to say that, yeah, it was definitely easy to turn Mewtwo into an SCP-like thing, and I have no doubt the other legendaries can and will be fantastic fodder. (Dear Kanto and Johto: Please never stop being creepy as **** with your mythology. Love, Jax.)

    My main curiosity lies in what happened during those six minutes where Green's memory fails and Red is reduced to a shaking mess. Did Mewtwo take over her body and make her do atrocious things? Did he invade both their minds? What happened that left red a mute recluse?
    Bwahahahahaaaa...

    So many things that would require trigger warnings. So many things.

    This also has great reread value, especially because you get a lot more you might have missed the first time. Reading the first scene the first time around I was still getting a feel for the tone of the story and didn't have the full picture. Actually having a better idea of why the agent is reacting this way added a whole new layer to the scene for me. Knowing what Mewtwo was capable of this time around while reading of Green and Red in Level C added to the creep level for sure.
    In that case, mission accomplished. 8D

    That's really all I can think of. Except please write more of these. =D
    REQUEST ACCEPTED.

    I may or may not be writing an incident log for Celebi in my head while I'm working through finals. Certainly not.

    Seriously, though, thanks! I'm seriously happy that you liked it. It just means I'll eventually get to have more fun messing with all of these SEs. All of them. 8D

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