My tree isn't even decorated yet. The blasted thing keeps tipping over, and I'm beginning to wish I put up my fake tree instead this year. But no, my roomie insisted that we have the "Holiday Smell." Just doesn't feel like Christmas without a broken back and angry relatives on the phone, now, am I right?

Speaking of which, I completely killed my voice yelling at my relatives about holiday semantics over the phone the other day. "You need to call us more often," they say, "Why aren't you married yet?" They ask, keeping me on the phone until I can't speak anymore. My vocal chords still ache with apprehension from the whole affair.

As for my favorite holiday special, I suppose I like those old Rank and Bass stop motion specials the best. Almost all of my in-jokes are derivative of Rank and Bass.