I’ve always wanted to do a nuzlocke… but I said screw that noise, let’s just make fun of it! I therefore present Nuzmocked, where I once again will begin another story that I’ll never even get close to finishing (although I would like to get my other parody back up and rewritten, because the grammar in it was too solid to be taken as the joke it’s meant to be.)
"A fun idea deserves to be 'maked' fun of ideally."
Funny thing is, this parody/mockery/labor of grinding hell, WILL be a Nuzlocke which I have had many test runs of to make sure I don't die too soon, such having a Bulbasaur and Paras as my remaining Pokemon when going against Gary's Haxxy Pigeotto/Charmander combo is a definite gameover.
Of course, this tale will have my special brand of twisted humor.
It might even have a read aloud version to accompany it.
Anyways, welcome to Nuzmocked: Green Liquid edition.
Intro: Senile Induction
The world was a sea of darkness. There was nothing but the absence of color. Time passed, minutes turned almost to an hour, and hours… turned to about three hours in total. The darkness ended and in a bright room (called day) a man stood waiting. This man wore the most ridiculously purple collared shirt under his lab coat and covered his legs in the tackiest of Kakis. He smiled almost absently, as he spoke, presumably to the person before him, the wrinkles on his face contorting with his facial muscles, he spoke, a simple question asked “Are you a boy or a girl?”
The person in question blinked looking over its body: Lengthy brown hair and cleavage no child should have seemed to indicate one thing, “I am a man!” the person replied, punching him in his face with a smooth Tiger Uppercut.
The elderly abuse victim didn’t care. “Ah,” he continued as though he didn’t notice the pain; his face showing no signs of blood or bruises, heck it didn’t even flinch to the fist on face contact. “Well, then… I am Professor Samuel Oak,” he smiled a bit too warmly for one whose dentures should have been scattered to the edge of the void (should this place even HAVE edges) “What is your name, my boi?”
“I’m not really a boy!” replied the clearly female person, now fed up with the bidoof brained man before her. She did do one quick check as her hand reached downwards, “yea! Definitely still female!” She sighed, instinctually knowing this wouldn’t end if she didn’t answer him, “my name is Corrine.”
“A strange name for a boy, but hello Corrine,” He chuckled his body not really moving, even to breathe. A boy showed up beside him, his hair was spiky and his baggy jeans were ridiculously purple. Somehow, the guy could get away with it because he had a presence of girth that was simply undeniable. “This is my grandson. I have Alzheimer’s, which most people strangely think is hilarious, but you should feel sad because I clearly forgot his name. Was it Poopy? Buttz?”
Corrine sighed and growled, just wanting reality to return (and the spiky haired boy’s girth to disappear), “Oak! That’s MY job. I’m supposed to come up with derogatory names to make fun of Gary when…”
“That’s right!” Oak replied, obliviously, “His name is Gary! I’ll never forget it now for some raisin.”
“Oh thank whichever legendary we call a deity,” ‘Gary’ sighed, glad his name had not been tampered with.
“Raisin?” Corrine asked, absolutely baffled why the misused word was in place.
“Well Corrine, your very own Pokemon adventure is about to begin. It’ll be fun and happy and peaceful! Nothing could ever go wrong for a brave lad like you!” Oak declared happily.
Corrine smiled, reality was about to return, even if Oak DID think she was a dude.
“Oh and Bee Tea Double Ewe, it’s a Nuzlocke! Have fun!” Oak added quickening his vocal pace as he spoke. Corrine felt herself shrink back into reality before she could yell “WUT?!” at the top of her lungs. The brightness faded in a snap and a white flash of singularity. The rest, as they say, is silence.