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Thread: Nuzmocked: Green Liquid Edition

  1. #1

    Default Nuzmocked: Green Liquid Edition

    I’ve always wanted to do a nuzlocke… but I said screw that noise, let’s just make fun of it! I therefore present Nuzmocked, where I once again will begin another story that I’ll never even get close to finishing (although I would like to get my other parody back up and rewritten, because the grammar in it was too solid to be taken as the joke it’s meant to be.)

    "A fun idea deserves to be 'maked' fun of ideally."
    -Dilasc

    Funny thing is, this parody/mockery/labor of grinding hell, WILL be a Nuzlocke which I have had many test runs of to make sure I don't die too soon, such having a Bulbasaur and Paras as my remaining Pokemon when going against Gary's Haxxy Pigeotto/Charmander combo is a definite gameover.

    Of course, this tale will have my special brand of twisted humor.

    It might even have a read aloud version to accompany it.

    Anyways, welcome to Nuzmocked: Green Liquid edition.


    Intro: Senile Induction


    The world was a sea of darkness. There was nothing but the absence of color. Time passed, minutes turned almost to an hour, and hours… turned to about three hours in total. The darkness ended and in a bright room (called day) a man stood waiting. This man wore the most ridiculously purple collared shirt under his lab coat and covered his legs in the tackiest of Kakis. He smiled almost absently, as he spoke, presumably to the person before him, the wrinkles on his face contorting with his facial muscles, he spoke, a simple question asked “Are you a boy or a girl?”

    The person in question blinked looking over its body: Lengthy brown hair and cleavage no child should have seemed to indicate one thing, “I am a man!” the person replied, punching him in his face with a smooth Tiger Uppercut.

    The elderly abuse victim didn’t care. “Ah,” he continued as though he didn’t notice the pain; his face showing no signs of blood or bruises, heck it didn’t even flinch to the fist on face contact. “Well, then… I am Professor Samuel Oak,” he smiled a bit too warmly for one whose dentures should have been scattered to the edge of the void (should this place even HAVE edges) “What is your name, my boi?”

    “I’m not really a boy!” replied the clearly female person, now fed up with the bidoof brained man before her. She did do one quick check as her hand reached downwards, “yea! Definitely still female!” She sighed, instinctually knowing this wouldn’t end if she didn’t answer him, “my name is Corrine.”

    “A strange name for a boy, but hello Corrine,” He chuckled his body not really moving, even to breathe. A boy showed up beside him, his hair was spiky and his baggy jeans were ridiculously purple. Somehow, the guy could get away with it because he had a presence of girth that was simply undeniable. “This is my grandson. I have Alzheimer’s, which most people strangely think is hilarious, but you should feel sad because I clearly forgot his name. Was it Poopy? Buttz?”

    Corrine sighed and growled, just wanting reality to return (and the spiky haired boy’s girth to disappear), “Oak! That’s MY job. I’m supposed to come up with derogatory names to make fun of Gary when…”

    “That’s right!” Oak replied, obliviously, “His name is Gary! I’ll never forget it now for some raisin.”

    “Oh thank whichever legendary we call a deity,” ‘Gary’ sighed, glad his name had not been tampered with.

    “Raisin?” Corrine asked, absolutely baffled why the misused word was in place.

    “Well Corrine, your very own Pokemon adventure is about to begin. It’ll be fun and happy and peaceful! Nothing could ever go wrong for a brave lad like you!” Oak declared happily.

    Corrine smiled, reality was about to return, even if Oak DID think she was a dude.

    “Oh and Bee Tea Double Ewe, it’s a Nuzlocke! Have fun!” Oak added quickening his vocal pace as he spoke. Corrine felt herself shrink back into reality before she could yell “WUT?!” at the top of her lungs. The brightness faded in a snap and a white flash of singularity. The rest, as they say, is silence.

    Currently on Hiatus

    Very gracious thanks to Tezza for the Banner.

    The Generic Story You All Probably Know… and Hate

    It's 97% pure Parody, the other 3% is mockery!


    Kertonmel: Sinsufficient Glory

    A grand adventure, spoken in 2MB Colored glory!

  2. #2
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    *applause* BRILLIANCE!! ^w^ I love the idea of a nuzelock parody:3 (I myself would have liked a longer chapter, but others don't so wise choice^^) I can't wait to read more


  3. #3
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    I'm both impressed and slightly dumbfounded. I've never seen Pokemon like this... I kinda like it... Do you have a PM list, cause I wanna be on it.

  4. #4

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    For those of you who know not what a Nuzlocke is, you are going to learn. Try one, it's HARD... but fun. Also, it's rated PG13 because it can be a bit dirty minded. It's not because two... you'll find out.


    Chapter 1 – Starting Glory

    Corrine found the world around her change as her surroundings returned to something she was familiar with. These were painted walls of her. room It had all the things a modern teenage girl would have such as posterless walls, the Nintendo Entertainment System™ hooked to the TV and a computer in the corner without a fun chair to sit in… just like any child of the new millennium possessed!

    Corrine eyed the room and herself, and sighed. She had to wonder if last night’s… dream, if she could call it that, had any implications on the future of her life. Nuzlocke, Sam Oak had said. She knew damn well what it was, and somehow, the potential horrors it entailed. The drama would be tense… it’d have to be, right? There’d be death, plenty of it, and Corrine wondered if she too were not impervious to the rules. Blacking out, or Whiting out for those sensitive to the social intolerance associated with power outages… somehow it would happen to her if every last Pokémon were to yield a ghost. Not that she’d likely find more than one ghost to begin with, being a citizen of Kanto and all. Even still, she had no doubt there’d be drama, even if she had to force the hell out of it!

    She looked over at her Nintendo Entertainment System™ for no other reason than to acknowledge the wonder that is Nintendo™ and was thankful for the day’s technologies. Who needed a Nintendo™ when the internet could do that and more! In fact, that’s where she looked next. As she walked towards it, she fixed her skirt up… wait, skirt?

    Corrine checked herself in a mirror that she never even knew she had. Her skirt was... short, and red. A prostitute, of all things, wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it. To Corrine’s relief, there was something under said nearly non-existent skirt in case someone ever saw an indecent shot (Which never happens in these settings.) Her shirt was the most clashing shade of bright blue and lacked sleeves. She grumbled, despising her jailbait appearance and status.

    To make the picture even weirder, Corrine was wearing socks up to her ankles, with the same blue color as her sleeveless vest and shoes with stripes the same red as her skirt. As she looked up, at least she found she had a decently kickass hat to place upon her head.

    This would no doubt be a long journey, especially because this wasn’t a Nintendo Game Boy™ adventure where the power of forgotten numbers and walking through walls could be considered normal. At least there were running shoes in Corrine’s future. She took solace in that slight sigh of relief.

    She paused for a second, lost in an unnecessarily long exposition, considering that she’d no doubt be a person anyone would care about. Well, other than…

    She snapped out of her reverie just in time to prevent plot spoilers, only to finally remember to use that damn computer. As she approached it, she did the only logical thing a person could do: she made a vial filled with purple effervescent liquid come out of it. According to the internet, it came from an email titled “You just won a million… whatever our money is called!” She shrugged, not caring any more about anything else that could be said.

    With the newly formed potion (apparently not breaking five of the four laws of thermodynamics) now in tow, she stowed it away in a purse that somehow seemed barely big enough to hold anything else. With a grunt of defeat, Corrine headed down the stairs to the only other room in the house; a room that wasn’t even fit for a kitchen. How Corrine and her mother have lived as such, is of course, fully irrelevant. Sitting in the kitchen, a woman far too familiar sat at the only table in the room.

    The woman had similarly flowing hair to her daughter, but instead of having the same light brown of Corrine, she possessed a bluish-gray hair color; it’s a fairly normal color in this universe all things considered.

    “Hi honey!” the mother began in a sweet sounding tone, “are you finally leaving home?”

    “Finally!? What do you mean ‘finally!?’” Corrine asked incredulously flabbergasted.

    “All little girls have to leave home! It shows it on TV, see?” the mother explained. She turned her attention towards the TV, which sat next to a kitchen counter that was barely twice as large as it. On the screen a young girl was running, looking like she was in fear.

    “Mom… that’s a little girl being chased by a priest,” Corrine explained as though she didn’t care, before a realization came, “wait, that kid’s the wrong gender! I’m genuinely more scared than I’ve ever been before." she paused, a realization dawning on her "Why is this even on TV?! This... this is dist...” *click*

    Her mother changed the channel, and a girl with pigtails was walking down a yellow road, her eyes shifting left and right uneasily, “see, GIRLS CAN WALK ON ROADS!” she smiled sweetly, terrifying her daughter, “You’re a girl, sweetie,” she continued, pointing towards the door, “walk!” she commanded a bit too happily.

    Corrine, with sadness and joy, tried to run away, but her shoes only allowed her to walk, just as her mother commanded her too. “Love you too, mom,” she replied under her breath as she got outside. Pallet Town, her home since forever, was a dismal place, a place populated by homeless wanderers, a town consisting of three houses, one of which was not a residence, and thus reducing the possibility of the strangers wandering being anything besides either wanderers or hobos.

    She approached one of the two people she saw wandering the streets. One was a girl whose purple dress looked clean enough to have seen a washing machine within the last day or two. She approached her, seeing the girl looking at a sign with sheer fascination. She decided to greet her, “Hi!”

    “Signs are amazing!” the girl in the dress declared, her face aglow as though she were in a happy dream, “I mean, just look at how helpful its advice is!”

    Corrine grumbled as she eyed the sign, she read it aloud “Press start to open the MENU,” she said flatly before springing to life, “DAFUQ?” she screamed, “how is THAT helpful?! Have YOU pressed the ‘start button’ lately?”

    The woman nodded, “constantly! I use it to reload my SAVE FILE to two days before I’m evicted from my house.”

    “Uh… Why?” Corrine asked, deciding it’d just be better to play along.

    The woman smiles with a blush, “Because my boyfriend and his ex are at my house and we…” she begins, looking over at Corrine, “how old are you again?”

    “Fifteen,” Corrine answered, once again feeling incredulously flabbergasted… admit it, saying those two words together is both fun AND badass!

    “You’re practically an adult, far older than most who go on journeys!” she replied with a dreamy sigh.

    “So why haven’t you gone BACK?” Corrine asked.

    The woman laughed, “I have, many times! So many I haven’t kept count, but my save file here says… uh,” she stammered reaching into the pockets of her dress, “this number!” she declared, holding out a digital trainer card and pointing to the words reload attempts. The name on the card said ‘Katie Soanso.’

    Corrine counted, “fourteen, fifteen… nineteen… hmmm, I count twenty-three… digits!” she cringed, “and what’s that tiny three at the top right?”

    “Oh,” the homeless lady replied, “that means that, well, it means you multiply the number.”

    “BY THREE!?” Corrine asked, shrieking extremely loudly, and almost dropping into a drooling mess.

    “Erm, no,” Katie replied, her fingers fidgeting nervously as she replied, “by itself…” she replied, her tone getting high pitched and soft before she finished, “and itself again…”

    What Corrine said next almost sounded like a person mashing random keys on a keyboard to represent the babbling mess she hath become from the thought. After about two minutes of twitching, she finally revived at full health, “why are you still here?” she asked simply, simply needing to know.

    “…” Katie began…

    “STOP!” Corrine declared, “how do you SAY that dotdotdot thing? What if this was a script? How would you READ that?! Tell me!” Corrine paused, unsure what to do or say, “Whatever! Look Katie, I’m doing a Nuzlocke and…”

    “Right,” Katie smiled, “That’s why I’m still here! Actually, I’m still here because when I go back I create a new branching path on ‘fate,’ not that I believe in predestination.” Corrine nodded and she continued, “I’m here to tell you that your save file is corrupt to prevent you from cheating! Don’t you dare try to bring back dead Pokémon, no matter what…” her voice darkened and somehow a shank knife had formed in her hand, “Got it?”

    “Uh, I won’t now.” She replied, scared yet again, “I’m, uh, gonna leave. Have fun wandering the street homeless and living in the past... both at the same time!” As she tried to high tail it away, she forgot once again that her shoes were incapable of doing so at this point, so she settled on walk, the only speed she was allowed to move at.

    “Remember!” Katie shouted sharply, “Everything happens for a reason!” she provided her wisdom before adding off the cuff “I still think that predetermination is Ponyta crap though!”

    The house she sought was just next door to hers, the only other residence in all of Pallet. Strangely enough, it had the same grey walls and red roof that her house had, and despite looking two stories tall, only had a single room. Inside, the house looked almost identical to her own, except there were no stairs, leaving Corrine to always wonder where they possibly could be sleeping.

    The woman stood up, her long dirty blonde hair cascading behind her as she stood up and turned to face Corrine. She smiled, approaching her neighbor, a smile forming on her lips as her as she rushed towards the woman to embrace her in a hug, “’I’m going to miss you so much!”

    Corrine smiled weakly as she eased into the hug. This was Daisy Oak, Gary’s older sister, a legal eighteen year old by all accounts, especially because gambling is legal at ANY age, nobody votes, and alcoholic drinks turn into fruit juice. As she eyed Daisy carefully, she noticed her somewhat conservative green dress and giggled, “Is THAT what you wear to wish me farewell?”

    Daisy pouted playfully, “I could take it off if you’d like,” she said, her tone turning husky and seductive. Corrine’s nose would have bled, if the author were into that tired cliché. Daisy was the best girlfriend that Corrine ever had, not that anyone knew about their relationship nor would they until society agreed to its acceptability.

    Corrine kissed Daisy full on the lips, “now now,” she said as the kiss broke, “I need my focus and my strength,” she chuckled.

    Daisy returned to the lone table in the house, her voice serious despite what appeared to be an eager impatience, “have a seat! I know you’re nervous.”

    Corrine nodded as she sat, her head finding itself at rest upon Daisy’s shoulder, “I’m Nuzlocking, you know. My Pokémon, they’ll die… maybe I’ll die too!”

    “The rules won’t allow it sweetie,” Daisy said as she ran her fingers through Corrine’s hair, “they’re such simple but scary rules. Let’s recap even though you already know every last one of these rules:
    Rule 1: If a Pokemon faints, it dies! Even if from self infliction or out of combat poison, it’s dead!
    Rule 2: You may only catch the first Pokemon in each route.
    Rule 3: Nickname all Pokemon.”

    Corrine interrupted quickly, “I hate that last one!"

    “But, it makes your bond that much stronger,” Daisy pleaded.

    “I know its point, but I feel like I’m going to be the only battler who even uses such a rule, ya know what I mean? I mean, your brother won’t name anything. Why do I have to be the only one?” she vented, sighing in defeat, “It’s… it makes me feel… different!”

    “You’re the protagonist, my love,” Daisy said, running a hand along Corrine’s cheek, “now I know you’re doing a few house rules. Genuinely I’ve forgotten them, and swear it’s not me trying to weed out exposition.”

    “I have a duplicates Clause in effect,” Corrine stated, “I get three attempts to catch something that isn’t a duplicate, and if I don’t find one, I lose the route’s capture. HOWEVER…” she shouted in a loud burst of emphasis “the dupe clause is nullified in the case of death. Also, I hate Zubat!” she quickly added “Seriously, fuck the lack of Crobat! I'm mostly going on a tangent here.”

    “When the time comes,” Daisy explained, “I can tell you how happy it is, and make it happier.”

    Corrine giggled, “we’re PG13… sadly,” swatting Daisy’s hand away playfully, before it could wander down to her… “Well… you know how to keep me happy. I’m sure my Pokémon will love you.”

    “I’ll give them haircuts!” Daisy explained, swatting her playfully “Pokémon love haircuts.”

    “I’ll be sure to get my Golbat a toupee when the time comes.” Corrine replied with a mocking tone.

    “Trust me on this. Have I lied to you yet?”

    Corrine needed to think it over, “No you haven’t! Unlike my mom, you've never lied to me!" Corrine laughed, hiding the sad fact that her extremist mother had done such things like lying "Alright, I’ll… wait, why don’t YOU go on a journey? It doesn’t have to be a Nuzlocke. Just… go… and escape this literally two house town.”

    “I can’t. Well… maybe I can. I don’t know if gramps will let me!” she frowned, “plus I’m not sure I’m cut out for this.”

    Corrine stood up and pumped her fist to the air, “nonsense! I’m a newbie going on a journey with Pokémon who need to hope that critical hits don’t exist. YOU will be fine.”

    “I’ll do it!” Daisy stated, “I’ll ask him if I can go!”

    “Atta way!” Corrine smiled, giving her girlfriend one last long kiss, “I’ll see you at the Pokémon League.” She turned to leave and walk out the door, “I love you!” she stated, pouring all her heart into her words, “more than I love my own mother.”

    “Your mother doesn’t believe in melting Icecaps,” Daisy stated unfazed.

    Corrine’s face faulted and grimaced, “exactly…” she sighed as Daisy put a finger to and in her mouth.

    “I know you’re swirling with emotions, but don’t worry…” Daisy said sagely, “Also, please feel free to run your tongue along my finger, thanks!” Corrine chuckled but didn’t comply, “I believe in you. Remember the mantra: Never forget, never give up, Grind like HELL!”

    With that Corrine walked (still unable to run) out the door and headed towards the lab of the elder Oak. Whatever happened now was left up to fate, “Everything happens for a reason,” as she passed by Katie, the woman disappeared, loading her save state as Corrine tried to make hers.

    “Damn you M1 Circuit Board!” she roared. This would be a long journey!
    Last edited by Dilasc; 3rd December 2012 at 4:00 AM.

    Currently on Hiatus

    Very gracious thanks to Tezza for the Banner.

    The Generic Story You All Probably Know… and Hate

    It's 97% pure Parody, the other 3% is mockery!


    Kertonmel: Sinsufficient Glory

    A grand adventure, spoken in 2MB Colored glory!

  5. #5
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    This is the one of the few times I will write LOL and actually laugh out loud.

    Where do I start?

    Lure vulgarity alone sets you apart from most fics, not to mention how you portray even the most useless of characters and use them for comedy. I never knew that the sign girl could ever be included in a story in any way, shape, or form. Not to mention Corrine's relationship with Daisy; you surprised me there! I shudder to think of how you'll portray other female characters.

    And I sincerely agree that her hat is completely badass.

  6. #6
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    I like this alot
    98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

    73% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber standing on top of a skyscraper about to jump. If you are the 27% sitting there with popcorn and 3D glasses, screaming "DO A BACKFLIP!", copy and paste this in your signature.


    I claim for pure cuteness

    Future White 2 Team:





    .,__,.........,__,....... ______
    `·.,¸,.·*Ż`·.,¸,.·*Ż..|:::::: /\|/\
    `·.,¸,.·*Ż`·.,¸,.·*Ż<|:::::: ( o3o)
    -........--""-.......--"""u"u""u"u""

  7. #7
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    This is all right so far. It's certainly different, both in terms of being a nuzlock and a nuxlock parody. (Can't say I've ever read either.) That said, I'm not really loving the humour at this point, possibly because a lot of it seems rather out of the blue instead of being very observational, or doing so in a very exciting way. Jokes about Oak's gender and memory issues or about threesomes can be funny, but they're not just organically funny - you have to present it in a humourous light. Maybe I'm just not in a giggly mood, but I wasn't feeling it here.

    I did find the prologue better in this regard, and I'll definitely say I liked Gary's relief about his name being unchanged. That is exactly the kind of things I would try to pick on, since a lot of writers like doing the exact opposite. Playing with expectations like that can go a long way.

    More proofreading also would have helped here, as I found a fair few mistakes. You have a penchant for using commas before dialogue even when it doesn't make sense grammatically. Remember: to figure out whether you need a comma or a period, just remove the quotation marks and pretend the dialogue is just normal narration, and from there figure out whether or not you have complete sentences that do or do not need periods. Now for the nitpicks.


    Her Shirt was the most clashing shade of bright blue and lacked sleeves. She grumbled, despising her jailbait appearance (and status.)
    "Shirt" shouldn't be capitalized, and I don't see in what way she's "jailbait" because her age (and even chest size) hasn't yet been established. I assumed she was of age, really. I found the entire description of her attire to be rather flat.

    As she looked up, at least she found she had a decently kickass hat to place upon her head.
    If she's already wearing the hat, she can't place it upon her head. Either take out "to place" or say "placed."

    “Finally!? What do you mean ‘finally!?’” Corrine asked incredulously flabbergasted.
    There should be a comma after "asked" or "incredulously," depending on whether or not "incredulously" is meant to describe "flabbergasted." Also, the recurring joke with this doesn't really work - I'd at least try to get it in three times in the chapter if you really want to use it.

    “Mom… that’s a little girl being chased by a priest,” Corrine explained as though she didn’t care, before a realization came, “wait, that kid’s the wrong gender! I’m genuinely more scared than I’ve ever been before.”
    Uh, "wrong gender"? I assume this is because priests are known for preying on boys, but pedophilia is not a gendered disorder. I'm not sure if you thought this was funny because "lol priests" or because "lol she doesn't care about the pedophilia," but it fails to be funny.

    Her mother changed the channel, and a girl with pigtails was walking down a yellow road, “see, GIRLS CAN WALK!” she smiled sweetly, terrifying her daughter, “You’re a girl, sweetie,” she continued, pointing towards the door, “walk!” she commanded a bit too happily.
    This is an example of where the commas before dialogue should be periods because they're complete sentences.

    One was a girl whose purple dress looked clean enough to have seen a washing machine within the last day or two. She approached her, seeing the girl looking at a sign with sheer fascination. She decided to greet her, “Hi!”
    The first sentence is pretty clunky. Something like "clean enough to have just come out of a washing machine" would make more sense. The comma before the dialogue once again doesn't make much sense here. A period would be better, or you can say "greet her with a "Hi!".

    Corrine counted, “fourteen, fifteen… nineteen… hmmm, I count twenty-three… digits!” she cringed, “and what’s that tiny three at the top right.”
    the last sentence needs a question mark.

    Corrine interrupted quickly, “I hate that last one! “
    Delete the extra space.


    Also, I was kind of hoping Daisy would agree to join Corrine on her journey, or that she'll at least go on one herself. I rather like the idea of Corrine meeting Daisy at the League instead of Gary.


    Overall, I'd say this needs work. Aside from the grammar, the humour has just felt rather flat. But you've got great source material, and I hope you'll use it to your advantage. Good luck,

    ~Psychic

  8. #8

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    Thank you for spotting my errors. It is true I am very hasty. After all these years of writing I am ashamed of myself. Just remember, everything is happening for a reason.


    As for Daisy. Even though we're not following her journey, this story will technically be a two version run, where Corrine and Daisy use opposite versions.


    Chapter Two – On [Nuz]Lockdown


    Corrine walked up and down the square shaped length of Pallet Town trying to find Professor Oak. He wasn’t in his lab, and neither his Aides nor his grandson were of any help whatsoever. As such, she approached the edge of town, the only way out, sighing to see if maybe he was doing some fieldwork.

    As she stood at the edge, she felt a sniffle escape her nose as she rose her hand to cover said nose, but it was too late. Almost unavoidably a sneeze came out her mouth and some of her germy upheaval made its way past the zone border towards the grass. As the droplet of infected germ water spiraled slowly towards the green covered earth, a noise scared years off of Corrine’s life.

    “NOOOO!” she heard a familiar voice yell with great urgency as she saw one of the second story windows of her house break. From it came none other than the same creepy scientist from her odd nightmare of yester eve mixed with the shattering glass that not littered the ground as he dived at bullet speed to catch the single droplet, somehow catching it and preventing it from hitting the grass, no doubt saving Corrine’s life. In visual context, this was more hilarious than it sounded.

    “The Hell!?” Corrine asked, “When did we have windows?” she grimaced confused as hell, noticing a sink from her peripheral, “or a BATHROOM for that matter?”

    “Wild Pokémon live in TALL GRASS!” declared Professor Oak as he gripped her arm.

    As Corrine looked past the narrow path out of town, “I don’t see anything!” she stated blunt agitation.

    Despite taking on glass shards, he was entirely unfazed and unscratched much like when he had been given a powerful uppercut in her dream. As he stood beside her, now one tile out of town, “you need a Pokémon for your protection! Follow me!”

    “You STILL think I’m a guy?” Corrine asked as Professor Oak force moved her to follow behind him.

    “Of course you aren’t,” Oak said as they sauntered towards his lab, “did I say you were? You know I sometimes forget things. Try not to grow old,” he laughed through the sadness of age, but inside, it hurt… unlike glass shards.

    Corrine sighed, suddenly feeling bad. The elder Oak was a genuine individual, even if he did just jump out of a two story window. He was a major contributor to Corrine’s maintained intellect: a welcome change from her mother’s eighth century way of thinking. That wasn’t to say Daisy…

    “Gramps, I’m fed up with waiting!” Gary complained, eyeing Corrine as his tone softened, “thanks for not giving me some obscene name,” he said, his spiky hair taking on a slight shine for no reason whatsoever, “No seriously! I mean it.”

    As Oak prattled on about his youth and boring crap, Corrine and Gary chatted away. Gary was, despite being her designated rival, a good friend. He was supposed to be a mega-douche, especially because that was what was said in the first two chapters, but Gary was a rebel to the rules of Cliché conventions. Sure, at times, he could be smug, but usually it was for play, “Gary Mother****ing Oak!” she grinned, wagging a finger at him, “Don’t go easy on me. Just because I’m on a Nuzlo…”

    “Not even!” Gary said as he practically almost added the Pshaw automatically while swatting his hand through the air lightly, “you’re not the only one,” he said, proud about the fact that he was putting the lives of innocent creatures in danger, “I propose we don’t kill each other’s team though!”

    Corrine flicked a stray strand of her lengthy hair as it peaked its way in front of her face, “I would agree to this, provided it is true that we can even control this Nuzlockery,” she sighed at the realization, “I’ll do what I can for you and Da…” she paused, “dad…” she added in a quieter tone.

    Gary only shook his head, waving his finger at her in a playful manner, “C’mon Corrine. I know that the letter d there was capitalized. I’m okay with it, despite what society may claim. Then again, society also believes that having a bathroom in your house is a bad idea.”

    “Where DO we go to the bathroom?” Corrine asked, “because I know I do it… at least once a day… but I never know where since no house has one.”

    “Um,” Gary thought, “we’re characters! We don’t need to actually go to the bathroom!” he said, hoping that was the truth. Gary struggled, trying to actually remember how this phenomenon occurred in this world.

    Tension became thick as they thought about the disturbing implications of this digestive systemic nightmare that soiled, no pun intended, the mere idea that logic existed.

    They shared a chuckle as Professor Oak literally said “Blah, blah, Donkey Kong, blah, blah, blah, Brony sandwich, blah, blah, blah.”

    Corrine held back a snort induced laugh as she turned back towards Gary, “so the Pokémon… they don’t have stupid character gimmicks, do they?”

    Gary put his finger to his chin, rubbing his SWAG heavy face as he spoke, “Whatcha mean?”

    “Oh ya know…” she began, uneasily, “I’ve studied the way to Nuzlocke up and down, but I always fear gimmicky character archetypes, like a Ninja Turtle Squirtle … nonexistent God help me if it has nothing beyond its punchline!”

    “I wouldn’t put it passed the author. Ya know, just to **** with us,” Gary shrugged, “but so far they’re not. Stranger things have happened just today.”

    Corrine’s teeth gritted together as she spoke, recalling a sudden bathroom with a now broken window less than one hour ago, “I KNOW!” she spoke through a muffled snarl, “I don’t mind if they have deep and meaningful personalities, but I swear that smoking weedle hasn’t been enough of late…” she sighed.

    Professor Oak chimed in, “pardon, children,” he began, “are you done establishing yourselves as characters yet?”

    “No!” they replied at the same time.

    “Kay,” Oak stated as he began to ramble, “So there should totally be a type weak to normal,” he began as the rest of his words became less coherent than a Charlie Brown teacher.

    “Anyways, I still never understood what my sister saw in ya. Erm, no offense,”

    Corrine backed away uncomfortably. Sure, Gary knew and accepted Corrine and Daisy’s affection for one another, but every time he asked this question, she shivered with a foreboding sense of foreshadowing. Despite his genuine curiosity, she just couldn’t bear his wonder on any level, “none taken… can we just get this journey started?” She swiftly said to change the subject, “our readers came here for a Nuzlocke and our writer hasn’t taken many notes on my adventure to come. This has been a weird day, and I want to get out of here!”

    “Fine, sounds good to me,” Gary said with a shrug as he ran a hand through his spiky hair. As he did, it sparkled and flicked back into position in slowmotion. He was also suddenly shirtless, much to his confusion and embarassment.

    “Gary,” Corrine stated, suddenly very tense, “I’m literally bleeding emotions here. Get the hint?”

    He nodded, grimacing uneasily as his face began to green up at her bluntness, “Gross…” he noted as he found a spare duplicate shirt, “YO GRAMPS! Let’s get this started! I want to pick Corrine’s weakness already!”

    “Fine!” the elder Oak replied, quickly handing both of them a Pokéball. At their befuddled looks he spoke again, “I’ve been watching the author’s playthrough,” he replied with a shrug, “let’s save time here and just send you to run along!”

    “But I don’t have running shoes!” Corrine informed him, “I can only walk and I’m scared about that fact.”

    This sadness was quick to dissipate however as she held the Pokéball. As she held it, she felt a huge grin tug at her lips, “come on out!” she said fervently.

    As the ball smacked the ground, a flash of light erupted and took form. Her Pokémon, her destiny, it all stood before her. She looked at her Pokémon and said one thing, “I’m forced to name you, so I figured out a species and gender neutral one that wouldn’t have fit any of you,” Corrine smirked, “your name… is Cheese!”

    “I knew you were going to name it that!” said Professor Oak, ruining a dramatic ending moment.

    As Corrine sighed, returning her Pokémon, Daisy stood outside the lab. She was nervous… would grandpa take her request seriously? Would he let her take a Nuzlocke? Many thoughts swirled her head, such as the major implication of leaving her grandfather uncared for. She didn’t have off-screen parents who would handle him, meaning he’d be relatively all alone. Sure his homeless aides could assist him to some degree, and he was by no means incompetent OR incontinent, but she just dreaded the idea of leaving.

    Daisy Oak had to know, and it had to be now, but what caused her to open the door at that very moment was the sound of her younger brother’s voice, “let’s fight, Corrine! C’mon, I’ll take you on!” She was curious and rooting for both of them, and finding herself humming along with a now suddenly existent tune that trumpeted beautifully (in Daisy’s opinion) in the background. Only one word came to mind, “Swag!”

    “Very well, Gary. Let’s rumble!” At that, darkness spiraled inwards as Pokéballs ‘swooshed’ silently across the world. It was battle time. Alas, nobody’s starter would not be revealed today! “You really are a giant dick, author!”

    Currently on Hiatus

    Very gracious thanks to Tezza for the Banner.

    The Generic Story You All Probably Know… and Hate

    It's 97% pure Parody, the other 3% is mockery!


    Kertonmel: Sinsufficient Glory

    A grand adventure, spoken in 2MB Colored glory!

  9. #9

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    Do you LOVE Audiobooks? Too bad, here's one anyway! The glory of the intro with my nasal voice.

    Currently on Hiatus

    Very gracious thanks to Tezza for the Banner.

    The Generic Story You All Probably Know… and Hate

    It's 97% pure Parody, the other 3% is mockery!


    Kertonmel: Sinsufficient Glory

    A grand adventure, spoken in 2MB Colored glory!

  10. #10

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    For those not privy to mediafire, here's a link to Youtube instead. All the nasal glory of an intro.

    Currently on Hiatus

    Very gracious thanks to Tezza for the Banner.

    The Generic Story You All Probably Know… and Hate

    It's 97% pure Parody, the other 3% is mockery!


    Kertonmel: Sinsufficient Glory

    A grand adventure, spoken in 2MB Colored glory!

  11. #11
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    Too funny. I don't know what a nuzlocke is but it is supposedly funnyness. You hit that nail on the head. Psychic already robbed my words, so bye.

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    Quite inactive, but still available. If you have a fanfic that no one wants to review, PM/VM me and I'll give you a hand.

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