View Poll Results: What is Your Favorite of Conor's Pokemon?

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  • Linoone

    3 33.33%
  • Mightyena

    3 33.33%
  • Murkrow

    3 33.33%
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Thread: A Journey To Remember!

  1. #26
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    Chapter 7

    After the wild goos-, er, Murkrow chase, I decided the best way to celebrate the evolution of two of my Pokemon, and the addition of a new friend, would be to have a good old-fashioned picnic.

    First, let me explain what my town is like. I live in Agtosu Town. It is a diverse town, with some suburban neighborhoods, some houses and restaurants on the beach, with an abundance of Alomomola and Goldeen, and, in the middle, a large preserve of forest and a lake. Can you name a better place for a day trip? So, I packed a basket full of food, and started to walk to the Agtosu Forest.

    It was a beautiful summer morning. The sun was out, not a cloud in sight, but there was a gentle breeze that blew through my neat, brown hair.

    After about 10 minutes of walking, I reached the park, but I was not quite at our usual spot. I found the narrow clearing in between two trees that Ziggy, Poochie and I found about 2 years ago. I followed an extremely tight path, which only the three of us have ever walked on. Then, I climbed a very steep slope, that was so close to a right angle it was almost impossible to tell the difference. Finally, I came to this small creek, which I crossed on some stepping stones. I came to a beautiful field on the other side of the creek, surrounded by forest and filled with flowers.

    “Ok guys! Come on out!” I yelled as I tossed my pokeballs into the air, releasing my three Pokemon.

    “Lin- Linoone!”

    “Yen- Yen!”

    “Mur- Murkrow!”

    I let them all run about, as I sat down. Coming here really reminded me of how I got Linoone and Mightyena.

    I was 13 years old. I was with a couple of friends at a breeding convention held in Agtosu. I saw a man sitting in a lawn chair, with a Linoone and Mightyena at both his sides. He was about 50 years old or so, with silver colored hair. The second he saw me he jumped up.

    “Hey! I know you! You're the son of the Rentoh region champion, Michael!” He exclaimed. “You’re his son, Condor, right?!”

    “Conor.” I corrected him, halfheartedly. “And yes. I am.”

    “Oh wow!!! What a great honor!” He said, talking about a mile a minute. He raced to shake my hand. “Hey, so do you wanna be a Pokemon master like your dad?!”

    That was a random question I thought to myself. “Um... I actually would...”

    “I knew it! I knew it!!!” He screamed. “Hey, Cornelius, I want you to have something!”

    I fought back the urge to correct him. He suddenly pulled out two Pokemon eggs, which are about 1 and a half feet tall. One egg had a zig-zaggy design on it. The zig-zags were alternating colors between brown and tan. The other egg had a gray base color, with black tops.

    “Here, Conrad,” He has a bad habit with forgetting names. “Take these, so you can become champion!”

    He handed me both the large eggs as my friends looked on in astonishment.

    “Th- Thanks sir! Thanks very much!”

    “Don’t mention it Collin! Well, except to your dad of course!” He exclaimed, jokingly. Well, at least I THINK it was jokingly.

    “Thanks again sir!”

    I never saw him again. I tried to. Later that day I came back to give him some money, but he wasn’t there. I did leave it there. I am a very nice and polite kid.

    Also, that day, I remember something ELSE happening. A neighborhood bully was being mean to my 9 year old little brother. When I saw that, I flipped. I definitely did NOT show any niceness. I lost my temper. I started to scream and yell, and before I knew it, I was hitting him. My dad, who heard from inside, had to pull me away.

    I came out of my little flashback when I felt the wetness of Linoone’s nose. He placed a nice flower, a yellow and blue one, at my feet, and started to nudge me. It then occurred to me that Linoone’s personality has changed since its evolution. It has always been a kind Pokemon, but it has turned into an absolute sweetheart. I thanked the little guy, and just like that, he was off, to play with his friends. What a kind and polite pokemon...

    To be continued....

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    Last edited by ysmr97; 6th January 2013 at 8:31 PM.
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  2. #27
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    First, let me explain what my town is like. I live in Agtosu Town. It is a diverse town, with some suburban neighborhoods, some houses and restaurants on the beach, with an abundance of Alomomola and Goldeen, and, in the middle, a large preserve of forest and a lake. Can you name a better place for a day trip? So, I packed a basket full of food, and started to walk to the Agtosu Forest.
    Listy description. Not very good. You want to describe, not list. I am not sure what Pokemon this is. I'm not too informed on the fifth generation. Is this the one that looks like Luvdisc or is it the jellyfish one? A quick description of the creatures help.

    The sun was out, not a cloud in sight, but there was a gentle breeze that blew through my neat, brown hair.
    This just sounds awkward to me. Probably due to the first part. It needs some rewording.

    After about 10 minutes of walking
    Numerals that are under one hundred need to be written out so it would be ten.

    Then, I climbed a very steep slope, that was so close to a right angle it was almost impossible to tell the difference.
    If it's close to a right angle, then it would be impossible to climb.

    “Conor.”
    The period needs to be a comma.

    He said, talking about a mile a minute.
    Lowercase he.

    He suddenly pulled out two Pokemon eggs, which are about 1 and a half feet tall.
    Flashback in present tense? I smell a tense change.

    He has a bad habit with forgetting names.
    And once again.

    Also, that day, I remember something ELSE happening. A neighborhood bully was being mean to my 9 year old little brother. When I saw that, I flipped. I definitely did NOT show any niceness. I lost my temper. I started to scream and yell, and before I knew it, I was hitting him. My dad, who heard from inside, had to pull me away.
    You could have done so much with this concept, but you just let it stay in a six sentence paragraph. This could have been a few pages. Also, you might want to change or take out this. It's not strongly worded nor does it really contribute. The sentence before that already established that he wasn't going to be nice. Hell, the sentence before that one establishes that.

    There wasn't much gained from this chapter. We just learned that his Pokemon were random gifts for no apparent reason. It was lazily done as there could have been a lot more depth to it, but it stopped very short of that. Kid walks by old man, old man gives him eggs, end of story. Just like the bully thing, you could have done so much with that concept, but you just halfassed it and decided to leave it flat and boring. Your character even remains the same. We don't get another side, or some insight into what he's like. Also, what exactly is the plot because so far I don't seem to know. Am I stupid or have we not reached that point yet? You need to make this fic stand out on its own. There have been tons of journey fics, but what separates yours from the rest? Until next time.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  3. #28
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    I agree with a lot of things above (for once. Am I right, Lucario? XD) There are a lot of tense changes above. I understand all of them, but generally its good to keep to one tense. If you are going into a flashback, then you should hit enter/return twice or three times, depending on where the line ends. Like this.


    Now, instead of hitting it once or twice, again, depending on your line, there is a bigger space in between, representing a time or scene change, or both.

    “Here, Conrad.” He has a bad habit with forgetting names. “Take these, so you can become champion!”
    -
    Lowercase he. / And once again.
    Actually, I think the, "He had a bad habit of forgetting names." Was a different sentence entirely, just Conor thinking to himself. And, since that weirdo was the only one talking on that line, it works. Oh, unless your talking about tense change. Past to present in some parts, for example, here.


    That was a random question I thought to myself. “Um... I actually would...”
    The, "I thought to myself," shouldn't be italicized.


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  4. #29
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    Thanks chapter. also ATTENTION FANS! I am making replicas of the pokemon in the fanfic available in B/W and B2/W2. Exact abilities and moves, AND a 'Conor' OT. PM me if you are interested!
    Last edited by ysmr97; 31st December 2012 at 9:33 PM.
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  5. #30
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    U mean a Conor OT? And cool + thanks. When is the next chapter, and how will Conor take care of 2 eggs!? :P Finalamente, I love it so far. XD
    Last edited by Chapter; 31st December 2012 at 9:25 PM.


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  6. #31
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    Chapter 8

    I watched my three pokemon playing with a tennis ball, chewing it and pawing it. Once in awhile, trying to cause mischief, Murkrow would pick it up in his talons, and fly it JUST out of the reach of Linoone and Mightyena. That actually made me chuckle a bit.

    I suddenly thought that it would be a good time to train my Pokemon to learn new moves. I looked through my Pokedex to find moves that I could teach them. These are called TM’s. What happens is that your Pokedex’s screen plays an image of a Smeargle using a certain move. You show this to your pokemon, and they try to replicate it. It’s a bit confusing, but worth the trouble.

    So I looked at each of of my Pokemon’s species’ pokedex entries. Hmmm..... I thought to myself. Well, Mightyena could use a Special attacking move. He already has TONS of Physical ones.... Oh! Snarl looks good!

    So I loaded the TM video on to the Pokedex and had Mightyena watch. The Smeargle on the tape began to growl, and then shot dark-purple sound waves from its mouth. It flew through the air for nearly 12 feet, and then hit the test dummy that they use for all the TM movies.

    “Mightyena, can YOU do what the Smeargle just did?” I asked in a loving, soft voice.

    He nodded a bit and stepped back. He began to growl, like the Smeargle in the TM movie. Then, a very small circular voice wave, about a tenth of the size of Smeargle’s, shot out from his mouth. After it traveled in the air for about 2 feet, it dissolved.

    A look of sadness washed over Mightyena’s canine-like face. The Bite Pokemon started to bark and growl, and then tried the move over and over again. Again and again, the move failed.

    “Mightyena! It’s fine!” I said sympathetically. “It’ll take some time, but you’ll get it!”

    But he didn’t listen. He just kept on doing his own thing. He wasn’t always THAT hard headed.

    So while Mightyena was practicing Snarl, I decided to move on to Murkrow, who appeared to be smirking and half-chuckling at Mighty’s failure.

    “Come on Murkie! Let’s try this move! It’s called Psychic,” I said to my newest friend.

    The film started and displayed a Smeargle with a red tail-tip. Suddenly his eyes glew with a pink color. He stared at the test dummy and then threw it in the air like a rag doll. It flew almost 10 feet in the air, and stayed there. Then he forcefully threw it to the ground, throwing up dust. Then, the video ended.

    “Murkrow? Can you try that please?” I picked up pebbles from around the park and grouped them together. “Use Psychic on these rocks.”

    Murkrow nodded as Mightyena was again and again trying to perfect the move Snarl.

    Murkrow spread its dark, black wings, and his eyes turned pink. He focused on the rocks, and a faint aura, matching the exact shade as Murkrow’s eyes, surrounded them. They levitated a few inches into the air, and then came down. I turned to Murkrow, who then collapsed in exhaustion.

    I ran over to him, picked him up, and help him in my arms.

    “Good job buddy!” I said enthusiastically. “You just about had it!”

    I layed him down for a nice rest and took out my Pokedex one last time. I picked a move for Linoone that was perfect for him, on account of his big heart and caring nature. I scrolled through the TM list, and found the move Attract.

    “Here Linoone. Watch this.”

    The polite Pokemon quickly obeyed. On the screen was a Smeargle with a green tail-tip. He opened his arms up, and a ring of hearts floated between his hands, circling around and around. He then pivoted his waist to the right, then slung back, releasing the hearts. The hit the dummy, and disintegrated.

    Linoone stood on his hind legs, and did something that truly amazed me. He opened his paws, and giant hearts, EXACTLY like the ones the Smeargle made, were formed. He then pivoted his waist, and launched the hearts, they sailed into the air, and hit a poor Weedle, hanging from a nearby tree. It’s eyes were replaced by hearts, and it was immobilized.

    Linoone perfected the move on the first try.

    To be continued......

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    Last edited by ysmr97; 7th April 2013 at 9:39 PM.
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  7. #32
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    Uhh... K.

    1) Where's my pic?! DX
    2) That was pretty short. After a long time of no chapters, I must say that I'm disappointed at the small chapter with almost no purpose. Hooray, they learned new moves. Though there was good description and few errors, I would've liked to see more. Sorry.

    ~Chapter


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  8. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chapter of Charizard View Post
    Uhh... K.

    1) Where's my pic?! DX
    2) That was pretty short. After a long time of no chapters, I must say that I'm disappointed at the small chapter with almost no purpose. Hooray, they learned new moves. Though there was good description and few errors, I would've liked to see more. Sorry.

    ~Chapter
    It's COMPLETELY fine. I understand. And i'm using the pic as my sig. I just don't know how to put it in! XD sorry for the boringness, thats why it took me so long to right! I felt like i needed a chapter dedicated to learning new moves, because of prior complaints of learning TM's out of no where. I used this chapter to introduce MY spin on TM's, explore character depth in the Pokemon, and, mostly because I felt as the previous chapters were all action. Chapter 1 and 2) Fight 4 and 5) Gym battle 6) Evolutions and new pokemon. I felt as if it all happened too quick. Don't worry, chapters 9 and 10 will be jammed with action as for the length, that is the 2nd or 3rd longest chapter, and is the standard 2 page Word requirment. Thanks for the critisizm.

    -Ysmr97
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  9. #34
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    not a prob! lol. no, i understand. it looks good, like, ur plan. gl w/ this.


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  10. #35
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    Chapter 9

    I stared at Linoone, dumbfounded. Unlike my other two Pokemon, Linoone perfected his TM on the first try.

    “Great job Linoone!!!” I said as I tackled and hugged him. “You learned a new move! Attract!”

    The Pokemon, just now realizing what he has accomplished, filled with emotion, and started to lick my face. I laughed while playfully pushing him around. But, suddenly, a sharp, electronic beeping came from my Pokedex. It was four o’clock! The time completely escaped me.

    “Guys! We have to go! It’s almost time for dinner, and I want to get to bed early so we can start our journey tomorrow!”

    But I received no response. Mightyena was still trying to correctly execute Snarl, Murkrow was out cold, and Linoone was dancing around like an idiot, doing his own little jig in celebration of his newly learnt move.

    “GUYS!!!” I yelled, probably TOO loud.

    Suddenly, they looked up (with the exception of Murkrow) and stopped what they were doing. They helped me pack up, and I returned Murkrow to his Pokeball.

    We started to walk home. We left Agtosu Forest and entered the town, as Mightyena walked to my left and Linoone to my right. Suddenly, Mightyena’s ears sprang up, and he started to growl.

    “What is it boy? What did you hear?” Mightyena’s have very acute hearing.

    Suddenly, I heard a familiar, feminine voice far away.

    “Help! Help me!” The girl yelled.

    Mightyena recognized the voice even before I did, and started sprinting ahead, to save the girl. The girl was my sister.

    “Linoone, that’s Ciara!” I yelled. “Run!”
    We started to run after her voice and after the barking of Mightyena.

    We ran for about a minute or two, and when I mean ran, we RAN! When we got there, we saw Ciara, with her back to a brick wall of an alleyway and a look of horror on her face. In front of her was a shady looking guy, about fifteen, like me, and at Luxio on his side. He had long, greasy hair, and was wearing grey jeans and a thin green hoodie. On the ground were my sisters Phanpy and Wingull, fainted, the latter quivering with electricity. The Luxio growled, and my Pokedex heard it. Automatically, it brought up it’s entry.

    “Luxio, the Spark Pokemon, and the evolution of Shinx. Strong electricity courses through the tips of it’s sharp claws. A sharp scratch can cause fainting in foes.” The electronic Pokemon encyclopedia said.

    Suddenly, Ciara noticed me. so Unfortunately, so did her attacker.

    “Conor! You’re here!” She yelled. “Help! He’s trying to steal my Pokemon!”

    “Be quiet!” He yelled at her. “Who is this weakling. Is this your weakling Mightyena?” He said, chuckling.

    I then just noticed Mightyena standing there, growling.

    He then turned to Luxio and said, “Finish the weakling with Thunderbolt.”

    I watched in horror as Luxio opened his mouth, and sparks formed. Suddenly, I felt an intense trembling in my pocket. Out popped a white burst of light, that formed into a very tired and aggravated Murkrow. His eyes turned pink, and an insanely vague pink aura formed around Luxio. The Spark Pokemon appeared startled as it floated about two feet into the air. I stared at Murkrow, and you can see that it took ALL of his his might to hold the lion-like Pokemon in midair. Suddenly, I heard a monstrous growl, followed by and ear popping bark, and I watched in awe as a perfectly circular sound wave hit the floating Luxio, and flung him into the brick wall. Murkrow then fell like a rag doll. The once beautiful red stone was now a cracked mess. As if the poor thing hasn’t been through enough, Linoone leaned forward, and the hair on his back started to shoot at Luxio like bullets.

    “Hey! That’s not fair!” The attacker cried out. “Luxio!”

    “Hey, your Pokemon is evil. Just like you!” I yelled at him. “You probably stole HIM from some other trainer!”
    “It’s a HER!” He cried out with a sudden burst of compassion for his Pokemon. “And I did NOT steal her! She’s my best friend!!!”

    I suddenly felt kind of guilty, but quickly remembered him trying to steal my sister’s pokemon.

    He turned to my sister and, with tears welling in his eyes, said, “You’re gunna PAY!”

    He made fists outta both his hands, and held them eye-level. He began to walk towards her. Out of nowhere, a deep growl filled the alley. I watched in horror as Mightyena lunged forward and dug his teeth deep into the back of his calf.

    “AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” He screamed.

    He kicked Mightyena away and picked up his beaten up friend.

    “C’mon, little girl.” He said weeping a bit. “It’ll be ok. Let’s get us patched up.”

    He then turned to me, tears running down his face.

    “You’ll pay for this, Conor,” He yelled through his teeth.

    He ran away, holding up some offensive hand signs until he turned the corner.

    I turned to my sister. The look on her face was almost indescribable. I don’t think she has processed what just happened yet. She ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck, shaking a bit.

    “Thank you so so much, Conor!” She said. “He, he was trying to steal my Pokemon!”

    She returned her fainted Wingull and Phanpy to their Pokeballs.

    “You're welcome! I’m glad you’re O.K! Oh, by the way, meet my new Pokemon!” I gestured to my team. “ You remember Ziggy and Poochie! Well they evolved! And see that Pokemon fast asleep over there? That’s my Murkrow!”

    “Oh hey guys!” She said, getting down to their level. “Thank you guys SO much for saving me! Without you, your friends Phanpy and Wingull would have been stolen!”

    “C’mon, let’s go home,” I said to her. “I want to have one last home-cooked meal before I start my journey.”

    To be continued....

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    Ciara:

    ???:
    Last edited by ysmr97; 2nd February 2013 at 5:43 PM.
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  11. #36
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    Nice. New chapter.

    Quote Originally Posted by ysmr97
    like me, and at Luxio on his side.
    Should be an, "a".
    Suddenly, Ciara noticed me. so Unfortunately, so did her attacker.
    What?
    “GUYS!!!” I yelled, probably TOO loud.
    Try to use italics rather than CAPS because CAPS seem less real, or kiddish.
    “Hey, your Pokemon is evil. Just like you!” I yelled at him. “You probably stole HIM from some other trainer!”
    “It’s a HER!” He cried out with a sudden burst of compassion for his Pokemon. “And I did NOT steal her! She’s my best friend!!!”
    Lots of CAPS. Also, how is he evil? He's just a thug, not like, a villain.
    He made fists outta both his hands, and held them eye-level.
    Should be, "out of both of his".
    “It’ll be ok. Let’s get us patched up.”
    "Ok," should be a full, "okay".
    He ran away, holding up some offensive hand signs until he turned the corner.
    I can't imagine this without laughing. Try to reword this sentence.
    I’m glad you’re O.K
    Again with the OK.

    Overall it was good. Lots of good depth shown, and I like the end. (Don't see how your bro teared up at the end though...) Can't wait for next chapter. And thank you for the link to Inferno Productions. XD XD XD

    Byee for now!


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  12. #37
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    Thanks Chapter. And the point of the "running away holding up the finger" WAS to make you laugh. It was supposed to add a little lightness to a sad/scary moment.
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  13. #38
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    Chapter 10

    Ciara and I began to walk along the road with all of our Pokemon in Pokeballs.

    “Actually, Conor, can we make a stop at Grandma’s house?” Ciara asked. “That’s where I was headed before the guy tried to steal my Pokemon!”

    “Oh, okay!” I said enthusiastically. “I hope there are no hard feelings on how bad I beat her yesterday!”

    “Wait, you beat GRANDMA?!” the thirteen-year old said, obviously shocked. “Like, Grandma the gym leader?!”

    “Mhm,” I hummed with pride. “Want to see my badge?”

    Before she answered, I pulled out the shiny badge, with a large black paw-print taking up most of the badge.

    “Whoa!” She exclaimed. “Great job!” I began to tell her about the battle, and how Murkrow stole the badge.

    We laughed and told stories, and before we knew it, we were at my grandparent’s house.

    I knocked on the door, and Grandpa answered.

    “Hey! If it isn’t the Rentoh League champ!” my Grandpa laughed. He’s a BIG jokester.

    “Hey Grandpa!” Ciara and I say in almost perfect unison.

    Suddenly, my grandma runs into the room, excited as I’ve ever seen her.

    “Ciara! Come quick!” she exclaims. She then notices me. “Oh, hey Conor!”

    All three of us run through the house, exit through the door, cross the battlefield (which is still considerably damp from Ziggy’s Surf attack yesterday, and into the shed. In the shed, was a little Pokemon, that looked like a giant seed. I reached into my back pocket for my Pokedex.

    “Budew, the Bud Pokemon. Sensitive to changing temperature, the bud blooms when it's warm, releasing pollen,” the Pokedex stated.

    “Wow! What a cutie,” Ciara said.

    “Well, she just hatched this morning, from an egg that my friend gave to me,” Grandma started. “I already have a Roselia, and, well, I thought she’d be a perfect partner for you.”

    Ciara’s face lit up with happiness. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” she exclaimed, hugging Grandma.

    “Oh you’re welcome dear,” she said modestly. “Did you hear about your brother? He have me one of the best battles I’ve had in a WHILE!’

    “I did Grandma!” Ciara said, turning to me. “How does it feel to be the newest receiver of the Lovely Badge?”

    “Actually, he isn’t,” my grandma interrupted. “A boy about your age with a Luxio beat me this morning. Luke, was it? He was pretty good, but very rude.”

    My sister and I looked at each other with a look of horror on each of our faces. We told my grandmother the story of Ciara almost getting mugged. It looked as if it broke her heart.

    “Let’s call the police!” she said. “I know his name.”

    “No, no. It’s fine,” Ciara said. “I’m safe, and that’s all that matters.”

    We sat on the couch for a half an hour or so, and then we left. Our house was close, so it only took about ten minutes of walking. When we got there, we opened the door and found my parents cooking dinner.

    “Mom, Dad, look at my new Pokemon!” Ciara exclaimed, releasing Budew.

    “Very nice!” My Dad said.

    “How cute!” My Mom said.

    We gave them both hugs, and we sat at the table, waiting for dinner. Soon, my brother Liam, and our friend Liam walked inside with their Pokemon. My LJ (which is what we call my brother for short) had his Trapinch, and Liam had his Growlithe. Boy, was LJ’s Trapinch a TROUBLE MAKER! Once, after my Dad planted a whole garden, Trapinch dug it all up, and snickered after doing it!

    “Hey LJ, hey Liam,” I say.

    “Hey!” they say together. LJ is eleven, while Liam is thirteen.

    “Mom, can Liam stay for dinner?” LJ asks.

    “Sure he can! As long as he doesn’t feed his Growlithe under the table!” she says, jokingly.

    The two join us at the table, and wait for dinner.

    “So.... we’ve been wondering,” Liam started to say.

    “If you guys wanted to have a double battle together?” LJ spit out. “Liam and I versus you two? We can all use two of our pokemon, since you guys only have two.”

    “Actually, we each have three now,” I say, as my Mom puts out dinner.

    “How about a six on six?” Ciara says.

    “You’re ON!” the Liam’s yell out.

    We all start to shove our dinners in our mouths, run out into the street, and squaring up for a battle.

    To be continued....

    Current Party:
    Last edited by ysmr97; 28th January 2013 at 7:54 PM.
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  14. #39
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    Aaahhh! There I am, there I am! I have a Growlithe, woot!

    Anyways, (snicker snicker) this chapter was really good. There wasn't a lot of action, but I found myself picking up my pace of reading as I read on. This chapter really drew me in, and the main characters show more personality as the story progresses.

    I only found this main error.

    Quote Originally Posted by ysmr97
    “Oh you’re welcome dear,” she said modestly. “Did you hear about your brother? He have me one of the best battles I’ve had in a WHILE!
    Huh? I understand what you're saying... I think. LOL. Might wanna fix that.

    Can't wait for the next chapter!


    Claimed Majora's Mask/Skull Kid | 3DSFC - 4811.7177.1372.Liam | Art by me, TIL Userbar by Astral Shadow

    Formerly: Chapter of Charizard

  15. #40
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    Thank you! That means a LOT to me

    EDIT: Hey readers! I am probably starting Chapter 11 tomorrow. I have a hectic schedule, expecially with March around the corner, as I play drums in a Pipe Band, and am getting ready to march in the St. Packtrick's Day Parade in NYC. I apologize

    -ysmr97
    Last edited by ysmr97; 31st January 2013 at 3:43 AM.
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  16. #41
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    I'm really getting sucked into this fanfic. can't wait to see the next chapter

  17. #42
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    Thanks bro! Starting the next chapter now, probably have it up tomarrow!
    Last edited by ysmr97; 2nd February 2013 at 5:38 PM.
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  18. #43
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    I'm really liking this fanfic, when do you think you'll have the next chapter up?

    AMPHAROS FOREVER. I'm going to have a fit if you cant catch a early on in X and Y!!!


    Click on the egg to help it hatch! Trying to get a mareep! P.S. Feel free to click on my other Pokemon too!

  19. #44
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    Thanks! I have been SLAMMED with homework, projects, and a month left until the big St. Pattys Day Parade in NYC. Hmm..... I will try to work as fast and often as possible.... Maybe up by Wednesday- Thursday?
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  20. #45
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    Hello fans, readers, and critics. I am happy to announce the A Journey To Remember is officially REOPENED!!! I am truely remorseful for my long absence, but my workload has been crushing, I have been busy marching, and, my main problem, I didn't feel I could write a double battle correctly. But I felt extremely guilty, so, fresh from the scratch pad, here is the long awaited Chapter 11!!!

    Chapter 11

    “So, you guy’s pick first!” I yelled to Liam and LJ as we all ran into the street, taking out our Pokeballs.

    Ciara and I stood side-by-side, and the Liam’s mirrored us about 25 feet away. My brother turned to Liam and pulled on his nose, and Liam nodded. I knew what was going on. They were signaling plays to each other, like the catcher does to the pitcher on my favorite baseball team, The Braviary's.

    In unison, the Liam’s threw their Pokeballs, and two winged Pokemon emerged, flapping their wings to keep themselves in the air. Both of these Pokemon were absolutely new to me. LJ’s was this small, very dark blue bat Pokemon with purple wings, no eyes but these large, white fangs. Liam’s new Pokemon was the polar opposite of LJ’s. Its body was sky blue, and its wing’s were made of puffy, white clouds.

    “When did you guys get these Pokemon?” I yelled down the street.

    “Well, yesterday, while you were challenging Grandma, we took a hike into the forest,” Liam said.

    “That’s where I caught my Zubat, and where Liam caught his Swablu,” LJ concluded.

    I thought about taking out my Pokedex to scan them, but then I realized that I had to call out my Pokemon.

    My sister reached into her pocket, and pulled out the first Pokeball she grabbed and threw it into the air. Out emerged Wingull, flapping her long wings. I looked around at the three avian Pokemon surrounding me. I knew exactly who I should battle with first.

    "Come on out, Mukrow!" I yelled as I threw his Pokeball into the air. "Let's have an air battle!"

    “Whoa, great idea!” LJ said. “Zubat, Leech Life on Murkrow!”

    A small beam came shot from Zubats mouth, and hit Murkrow. It looked like it did next to nothing.

    “Ok...,” I said. “Murkrow, use Featherdance!”

    Murkrow began to spin around and around, and feathers started to detach from his wings. They began to spin too, and then they hit Swablu and Zubat. They both started to emit a negative, red glow.

    “Wingull, use Water Gun on Swablu!” Ciara yelled.

    “Swablu, counter with Round!” Liam responded.

    Wingull opened its beak, and shot out a beam of water. At the same time, Swablu opened her beak, and sang a small song. Every note it sang, it materialized, and soon enough, a whole string of notes flew towards Wingull. The water and the music notes collided, and pushed each other back and forth. Suddenly, the water stopped, and all of the notes hit Wingull one by one. After the last note hit Wingull, it dropped to the ground, unconscious.

    “Wingull, return!” Ciara recalled her to her Pokeball. “Go, Phanpy!”

    The cute, little, blue elephant-looking Pokemon appeared, and blew air out of his trunk like a horn. He was ready to battle!

    “Zubat, Leech Life!” LJ yelled out.

    “Murkrow, dodge! Quick!” The Pokemon obeyed, just swooping out of the thin green beam’s path.

    “Leech Life again!” LJ screamed.

    Without me saying a word, Murkrow again dodged the weak attack.

    “Hey, LJ,” I started. “Doesn’t Zubat know ANY moves other than Leech Life?”

    LJ blushed a bit. “Actually... He’s very low leveled....”

    I felt bad that I was using a stronger Pokemon on Zubat.

    I’ll just go easy on him, I thought to myself.

    “Murkrow, Peck!” I yelled. That’s one of his weakest moves.

    Murkrow went high into the air, and then swooped down, hitting Zubat with its beak.

    Zubat went straight down to the ground, just like Wingull.

    “Ugh!” he cried out. “Zubat, return!”

    He returned the Bat Pokemon to its Dusk Ball, a present he got for his birthday.

    While he was deciding what Pokemon to pick, I looked over at Ciara and Liam. Phanpy was rolled into a ball, charging at Liam’s Growlithe. Evidently, Phanpy beat Swablu. I wasn’t surprised though. He’s always been Ciara’s team’s powerhouse.

    Phanpy kept rolling toward Growlithe, picking up speed. He then bounced up to hit Growlithe in the face, but, Liam called out a command a half a second before the impact.

    “Growlithe, stop Phanpy with Fire Fang!”

    Growlithe opened its jaws, and when Phanpy bounced up, he bit it with his red-hot teeth.

    Both Pokemon took immense damage, but were still fighting strong.

    “Go, Flaaffy!” LJ yelled.

    I turned back to see the next opponent. A pink sheep standing about two feet tall emerged from its Pokeball.

    “Flaaffy, Thundershock!” LJ ordered.

    “Dodge it, and use Assurance, Murkrow!”

    Murkrow obliged, and dove down at the Wool Pokemon, smacking it with it’s whole body. The poor sheep took a big amount of damage. I was almost positive that my Murkrow would take down LJ’s whole team.

    Then, I noticed that Murkrow was still standing on the ground.

    “Murkow, get back in the sky!” I yelled.

    He didn’t move a muscle. I saw a few sparks emerge from his hat and wings. I looked up and saw the smirk on Liam’s face.

    “Did you know that Flaaffy’s ability is Static?” Liam said, with a wide grin on his face. “Static paralyses Pokemon when they make contact with Flaaffy.”

    He turned to his Pokemon.

    “Flaaffy, use Electro Ball.”

    The blue orb on Flaaffy’s tail began to glow. It swung it back, and then whipped it in Murkrow’s direction. Then, an electric-blue orb flew and hit Murkrow. He dropped to the ground.

    To be continued...

    Current Teams:

    Conor:

    Ciara:

    Liam:

    LJ:
    Last edited by ysmr97; 7th April 2013 at 9:45 PM.
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  21. #46
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    Nice, new chapter.

    I while he was deciding what Pokemon to pick, I looked over at Ciara and Liam. Phanpy was rolled into a ball, charging at Liam’s Growlithe. Evidently, Phanpy beat Swablu. I wasn’t surprised though. He’s always been Ciara’s team’s powerhouse.
    WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY! How did Phanphy beat Swablu? Ground doesn't affect Flying and the rock moves it learns are super weak...

    Also, you could've put in the entry of Gworlithe.

    I'll add more later, GTG right now.

    I while he was deciding what Pokemon to pick,
    What?


    Claimed Majora's Mask/Skull Kid | 3DSFC - 4811.7177.1372.Liam | Art by me, TIL Userbar by Astral Shadow

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  22. #47
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    Well, this is the reason I wasn't too happy about posting this. I didn't think I could give enough focus to the two sides of the battle. Basically, while Conor and LJ battled, there was a battle going on between Phanpy and Swablu. And it really doesn't matter if a Pokemon learns weak moves, my fanfic is based off the anime style battling, where a Pokemon can sweep with TACKLE. lol
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  23. #48
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    True, true. But phanphy cant kill swablu. Its literally impossible in anime battling. Think on it. They always play the "Pikachu doesnt affect Krokorok" and the "Why doesnt drilbur do anything to tranquil?" cards.


    Claimed Majora's Mask/Skull Kid | 3DSFC - 4811.7177.1372.Liam | Art by me, TIL Userbar by Astral Shadow

    Formerly: Chapter of Charizard

  24. #49
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    Rollout my friend, rollout.
    My 3DS FC is 2964-8767-0282 PM me if you add me!

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  25. #50
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    Both of these Pokemon were absolutely new to me.LJ’s
    Forgot to space after the period.

    I knew exactly how I should battle with first.
    I think you meant who.

    “Zubat Leech Life on Murkrow!”
    When addressing someone, there has to be a comma either before or after their name, depending on the context. So there should be a comma after Zubat or else it sounds as if Zubat Leech Life is the name of the attack.

    Murkrow began to spin around and around, and feathers became to detach from his wings.
    I would change this to started because began was already used in this sentence. Became is not grammatically correct here.

    They both glew with a negative, red glow.
    This is not a word. Insert something more appropriate such as started to or began.

    The water and the music noted collided
    Notes.

    “Actually... He’s very low leveled....”
    Is your entire fic based off the anime or is it just the battling? Because if it's the entire thing then this should not be included since there are no levels in the anime.

    He returned the Bat Pokemon to it’s Dusk Ball, a present he got for his birthday.
    Should be its. It's means it is. I like that you mentioned that it was a Dusk Ball though. Something different from the average Poke Ball.

    I while he was deciding what Pokemon to pick, I looked over at Ciara and Liam.
    Drop that first I and capitalize while.

    Phanpy keep rolling toward Growlithe, picking up speed.
    Should be kept since it is in past tense.

    It was a very quick battle and short chapter. Not much to say about it. All the Pokemon fell with one attack usually. Even in the anime they can take more hits than that. The mistakes I noticed were only made once and then never made again so it makes me wonder how you made them in the first place. Your general writing is getting better. Now if this chapter was a little longer and more happened than just a very short battle you would have something. Until next time.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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