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Thread: Pokemon Chrome and Lead Versions (Episode 1)

  1. #1
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    Default Pokemon Chrome and Lead Versions (Episode 1)

    This world is inhabited by creatures known as Pokemon. The many people of this world live to fight alongside Pokemon and live out on an adventure. But some people exist who wish to do evil with their Pokemon, for example, three gangs of miscreants are terrorising the people of the Zherra region. They are known as Team Cloud, Team Tropic, and Team Storm. No one knows of their intentions, but everyone knows that it's not good. Well, I think that you know enough not to be confused with this story. Let's go to our hero, Nikolai Young.


    "Oh Nikolai, breakfast time!" Niks mom cheerfully calls for her son from the first floor. Nikolai sits on the floor watching his TV, ignoring his mothers call. His eyes are peeled on the TV, which a man in a labcoat is talking about Pokemon.

    "Hoppip! It's a wonderful Pokemon for rookies! Why you ask? Well, alike most grass type Pokemon. He's very easy to level up and evolve. Now, moving onto the next Pokemon. We have Spheal. The ideal choice for a trainer that likes to bond with their trainers. Although, they tend to have a bit of a eating habit. So always be sure to have poffins ready."

    "Nikolai! Breakfast!" She yells up to him once more, this time her voice a bit tempered.

    "Be down in a minute mom!" Nik confirms that he heard her, his eyes remain peeled to the TV.

    "The last choice, Magby. A very strong Pokemon, but not very simple to obtain its trust. You must be a very thoughtful Trainer and be able to give up free time to nurish its needs. Well, that's it today on PokeTime with Professor Cinder, tune in next time for the Legendary Troxis, fact or myth!" The TV is shut off suddenly.

    "Hey!" Nik jumps up from the floor. But his facial expression adjusts as he turns to his see his mother with her hands on her hips.

    "Get your butt downstairs! It's time for breakfast!" She orders him in an angry tone.

    "Y-Yes!" Nik responds quickly, frightened by her wrath.

    Nikolai sits at the very end of the Dining Room table. His mom smiles at him from the other side. He looks down at his scrambled eggs. He hates scrambled eggs, not to mention his moms cooking.

    "Well go ahead, tell me how they taste!" She orders him once again. He slowly takes a bite of the eggs.

    "Hey, they're not that bad!" He says with a bright look in his eyes.

    "Really?" She asks unexpected of the comment.

    "No..." He spits them back out onto his plate.

    "Crap... Oh, weren't you supposed to go with your friends to Professor Cyprus' Lab?"

    "Yeah, we're going to meet there at 10:30." Nik confirms as he observes a piece of burnt toast.

    "Oh yeah, I guess I woke you up late..." She realizes, looking at her wris****ch.

    "What!" Nik's eyes widen. "What time is it you Old Geysur!"

    "It's 10:15, and 'FYI' I'm only 32, a lot of men find me attractive!" She defends her self. But Nikolai is already out the door, running towards the Pokemon Lab. A few people wave at him as he runs by, but he has no time. Finally he makes it to the Lab, and sees his friends standing outside of the lab.

    "Hey guys... I'm sorry I'm late." Nik apologises through his panting.

    "You should be!" Desmond, Nik's bestfriend, laughs. "We already got our Pokemon." Desmond takes a Pokeball from his side, and throws the Pokeball to the ground, unleashing his Pokemon.

    "Hop Hop Pip!" (Hello Everyone!) A tiny pink Pokemon chants excitedly.

    "Pink, suits you Desmond." The pokemon frowns as he hears this.

    "Well, it's better than your Pokemon." Desmond grins devilishly.

    "Please, mine is going to look 10 times cooler than yours." Nik sends back, determined to get a strong, cool Pokemon.

    "Oh, but Nik!" Oliver suddenly butts into the conversation. "Professor Cyprus has no more Pokemon."

    "WHAT!" Nik suddenly flies into the Lab. "PROFESSOR, PROFESSOR!" A bunch of men in lab coats glare at the crazed boy. A man with a goatee hands a Pokeball to a blonde girl, her clothes brightening the room with the bright pink color. "PROFESSOR!" Nik stops in front of him. "MY MOM DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT TIME IT WAS, AND I WAS WATCHING A TV PROGRAM ABOUT POKEMON, AND I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE IT HERE SO-" Nik continues to rant.

    "Now, now child. Slow down!" He pats the boys shoulder.

    "I need a Pokemonnnnn...." He begins to sob, as he drops to his knees, and then drops his head to the floor by the Professors feet.

    "Oh... Well I just gave my last Pokemon to Gabby, here." The Professor explains.

    "Gabby!" Nik is suddenly off the ground. "You..." He stares at her, enflamed.

    "I guess you were just too late little cousin. Have fun in SunGlow Town. I'll be off on my Pokemon adventure." She laughs at him, and does her annoying walk that Nik hates. Which involves one hand on her hip, and the other with her palm flat, which follows her foot with every step like a puppet. Then she opens the door, and is gone.

    "Ok..." Nik whispers. "Now that she's gone, you can break out the cool Pokemon... I know you were saving me one..."

    "Well! You know what kid! I think I have one Pokemon left..." Professor Cyprus looks to the boy feeling a bit awkward from the kids presence.

    "Really?"

    "Wait... No... That was the one I just gave to her..."

    "You're killing me Professor!" Nik cries out, and falls to the ground again.

    "You're brother and father are Pokemon Trainers, right?" The professor asks him, looking down to him.

    "Yeah, why?"

    "If they ever come back to town just ask for a Pokemon from them. Until then, just hold onto this." Professor Cyprus hands Nik a Pokedex. "Well... Good day to you!" He smiles brightly, and sends the boy towards the door, ready for him to leave. Nikolai steps out the door, and then the professor closes it behind him. Then the lock clicks.

    "Soo... How did it go?" Desmond smirks.

    "Well... Desmond, the professor told me to get a Pokemon from my dad or brother. Which means, I'm going to get a better Pokemon than you!" Nik resolves his situation by Desmonds choice. "And I know for sure, it wont be a pink weed..."

    "HOP HOP!" The Hoppip yells at his bully.

    "Why do you all have your Pokemon out?" Nik looks to their selections.

    "Professor Elm, on Channel 362, suggests letting your Pokemon walk alongside you will strengthen your bonds between it!" Alice explains.

    "Oh..." Nik gets lost in her eyes as she talks, not hearing a bit of what she said.

    "Spheal!" (What a Perve!)

    "Oh, is this your Pokemon?" Nik breaks contact with Alice. Then he takes out his Pokedex.

    "Yeah... He gave you a Pokedex too." She asks him retorrically. The Pokedex scans the Pokemon.

    "Yeah, isn't it neat!"

    "Spheal!" The Pokedex begins to read the description. "The Clap Pokemon. Ice-Water Type. Known for its strong relationship with food."

    "The Clap Pokemon?" Desmond suddenly makes an indirect joke that the rest don't seem to get.

    "Hey Nik, check out my Pokemon." Oliver butts in once again. A fiery looking Pokemon stands beside him.

    "Magby!" Nik's Pokedex continues to scan the Pokemon. "The Live Coal Pokemon. Fire-Type. Magby is the pre-evolved form of Magmar, this pre-evolution was discovered by Mr.Pokemon of the Johto region. Magby is known to prefer hot areas, such as Volcanoes. Its blood is as hot as 1,000 degrees Farenheight."

    "Hot!" Nik smirks.

    "I know, Impressive right?" Oliver brags.

    "How about my Pokemon!" Desmond suggests eager to hear what it says.

    "Ok..." Nik moves his Pokedex over to Hoppip.

    "Hoppip. The Cottonweed Pokemon. Known to be favored by Female Trainers worldwide." Desmonds face suddenly flushs red.

    "Desmond, are you ok?" Oliver looks to him.

    "HOPPIP IS NOT A GIRLS POKEMON!" Desmond yells.

    "Yeah yeah, I hear you ma'am." Nik laughs, and begins walk back towards his house. "I'll see ya' guys later, 'aight."

    "'Aight!" They all mimick his slang cheerfully, including Desmond, who's gotten over what the Pokedex entry read.

    That concludes the beggining of this adventure, but this is only the beggining like I said. Don't be sad that it's over... Just be happy it will be here next week, on another exciting episode of Pokemon!


  2. #2
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    Nice way to start out the series, a typo in the title. #facepalm


  3. #3
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    You can ask a mod to fix those sort of things. Just don't double post please as that's against the rules if you're not posting a new chapter.

    At a quick glance btw, a common mistake you have is that you capitalise the word following dialogue when a new sentence is not being started. E.g.:
    "Nikolai! Breakfast!" She yells up to him once more, this time her voice a bit tempered.
    'She' should be 'she' as it's continuing the sentence starting in the dialogue. Furthermore:
    "Hey Nik, check out my Pokemon." Oliver butts in once again.
    The full stop after Pokemon should be a comma for the above reason. You only use a full stop at the end of dialogue if the sentence ends there and what follows doesn't 'flow on' (e.g. it tells us who spoke/how they spoke). You can use stuff like ! or ?, etc though (e.g. "Hello!" he shouted), just not full stops.

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  4. #4
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    I'll take note of that, also thank you for fixing the title.


  5. #5
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    Hey! Nice start to a story, I like the starters that I've used instead of the usual, the pink haired girl seems to be my favourite so far, the way she walks added a nice stuck up personality to her already which is great although you didn't really elaborate on the personalities of the Pokemon or the other characters as much. Other than that the only thing I would say work on is description, there was hardly any of it. Good start to a story though, keep it up it takes effort! And good luck
    For everyone who likes stories you can read my first ever fan-fic here!


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  6. #6
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    Ohh... Dang it... She had blonde hair and pink outfit... I'm a failure when it comes to descriptive writing, but my English teacher isn't that... Fit to teach the subject. She just tells us to write certain types of papers. I want to learn D;. Anyhow, I'm going to try to fix the next episode based on your guy's critique. I really do appreciate it.


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