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Thread: Pokémon Emerald Version 3: The Better Version! [PG-13]

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    Default Pokémon Emerald Version 3: The Better Version! [PG-13]

    Pokémon Emerald Version 3
    The Better Version
    A fanfic by Zibdas


    Essentially a rewrite of Pokémon Emerald, with enough zest to not bore you. Enjoy.
        Spoiler:- PM List:


    Chapter 1: Meet May

    “This sucks,” a male voice moaned out of sheer boredom.

    A dull thud was heard, then silence.

    “Like, it’s really sucky,” the male voice reiterated. “I can’t see, I’m tired, I’m hungry, and-“ He was swiftly cut off by another dull thud, another smack.

    “Quiet, mortal!” hissed a decidedly female voice. “How many times must I punish you for speaking in the darkness? You’re already riding upon my shoulders as it is!”

    Silence once more.

    And then, a loud, earth-splitting roar split the earth they were standing on, casting the two into darkness. They tumbled past fiery depths, cascaded beyond lava, and met with an unfortunate crunch at a cavern deep within the earth, staring face-to-face with a massive red monstrosity, slumbering peacefully.

    “Finally,” hissed the female voice. “You’re mine, Groudon!”

    The eye of the beast opened suddenly as the cavern shook with tremendous force, lava erupting from the wall, boulders collapsing from the ceiling…


    Welcome to...
    Pokémon Emerald 3

    Wake up.

    “What do you want? I’m resting.”

    You’re needed in the realm of the mortals.

    Sitting up, a female figure of hellish darkness growled again. “Those idiots. What do they want, another massacre? ‘Cuz I have quite an idea in that regard…”

    The echoing voice thundered with rage. “No! You’re needed to join them! It’s all part of a plan I have designated for you.”

    Yawning and stretching, the female figure glared at the empty void around her. Speaking to the disembodied voice that commandeered the evils of the universe had its disadvantages. “Do you even know my name?” she snarled.

    “I don’t even know your gender,” the voice chuckled.

    “Why must you waste my time with your foolish idiocy?”

    The voice, had it had a body, would undoubtedly have shrugged at this remark. Thundering once more, it instead bellowed a mighty, “You have no choice!” before settling down again.

    “….I’m going back to bed,” the woman decided, as it made for its bed once more.

    “Foul Demoness, you have not a choice! You owe me your life!”

    “Say my name, then,” she muttered through her rest, smirking with victory.

    “High Demoness May, you have officially been summoned by the High Lord of Evil Himself. For it is I, Lord Flufflebuns, that have brought you from the afterlife into this infernal nether and am now casting you to the realm of the living!”

    May flinched. “Say what?” she asked before being shot down into the earth like someone being shot down into the earth by a High Lord of Evil. Excruciating pain met her, an experience she had long forgotten, as she was crammed into a mortal body. To compare, this is the equivalent of being forced into a small cube. The transformation complete, she was finally cast down, into the bellows of Earth itself, into a small town by the name of Littleroot.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Branden, stop poking the dead girl. It’s rude.”

    Branden sighed. “Yes, mother.”

    “Now go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done, or else no fiber in your diet for a week!” his mother scolded furiously, wiping brown tufts of her hair out of her eyes as she straightened her regal black suit. Reluctantly, her son obeyed, clambering into a small corner off to the side of the house.

    Slowly, May’s eyes drifted open. With these new appendages, she realized two things.

    First of all, she was bound by ropes in some sort of lab-like atmosphere. That, or she was bound by ropes in an actual lab. Not accustomed to the human world, she could not determine which. Regardless, she was bound, with a woman standing over her, watching her every move with the eyes of a hawk. It was clear this woman was vain; nervously she twirled her luscious, definitely fake hair around a long, trimmed finger accented with a gold ring. She wore a valiant dress that rained down her sides, and seemed to be made of light itself. That said, it was embarrassingly transparent.

    Off in the corner sat a boy who was hiding himself rather well. Interestingly, however, was that a short, round man was scurrying around frantically, collecting notes and other papers. Or so she assumed. His free hand, however, snuck down his side, onto an assistant’s desk, where it snatched a fresh Hot Pocket off the counter and tossed it into his gaping mouth.

    The second thing, she noticed, was that she was hot. She was informed on the way down she would be in the body of a human ten year old, but this surprised even her. She was wearing a fashionable yet functional set of designer clothes, a brilliant emerald hue matching her bandana making them look even more stylish. Her body was no slouch either; curves that complimented her clothes and everything. Despite this body being about forty feet smaller than she was used to, she could work with this.

    “Professor, she’s awake!” the woman decreed, finally noticing May’s consciousness. The large portly man rushed over immediately.

    “Ho ho ho,” he laughed with a hint of jolly in his voice. “For a girl who crashed into the ground from the atmosphere, you’re in surprisingly good shape.”

    “She fell from the sky?!” the woman demanded, startled.

    The man shrugged. “You didn’t notice the smoking crater in the middle of the street when you came in?”

    “I thought it was some funky modern art.”

    It was then that May finally registered that she was currently bound.

    “Let me go, you creeps!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Or else I’ll…. uh, or else I’ll steal your rope!”

    The man’s eyes widened in panic. “Not my rope!”

    “Professor….” began the woman, steeling him down with a death glare.

    Still paranoid, the man adjusted his labcoat and straightened his toupee. “Ah, yes. Forgive me, Caroline. My name is Professor Birch. I’m your new father.”
    Last edited by Zibdas; 7th January 2013 at 8:33 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zibdas View Post
    “Quiet, mortal!” hissed a decidedly female voice. “How many times must I punish you for speaking in the darkness? You’re already riding upon my shoulders as it is!”
    I like the curiousness of the beginning here, throwing the reader right into "what the heck is this?"-ness. I don't love the "decidedly female" part of description. It makes it sound REALLY feminine. Like a giggly little girl or something.

    Sitting up, a female figure of hellish darkness growled again. “Those idiots. What do they want, another massacre? ‘Cuz I have quite an idea in that regard…”
    I *generally* don't like that someone would use "'cuz" in a quote, but it CAN work if you're using it to show something about the character. She is curt, she is abrasive, she is improper. It works if that's the message, and it seems like that might be the case here. Other than that, though, I don't love using colloquial spelling in quotes.

    “I don’t even know your gender,” the voice chuckled.
    Ohhhh.... I see where this is going. Heh.

    “….I’m going back to bed,” the woman decided, as it made for its bed once more.
    Shouldn't that be "she", since she is a woman?

    The second thing, she noticed, was that she was hot. She was informed on the way down she would be in the body of a human ten year old, but this surprised even her. She was wearing a fashionable yet functional set of designer clothes, a brilliant emerald hue matching her bandana making them look even more stylish. Her body was no slouch either; curves that complimented her clothes and everything. Despite this body being about forty feet smaller than she was used to, she could work with this.
    I know there's a whole...thing with May/Dawn/Misty, etc. But reading about a ten year old's body, even one that is possessed of a demon queen of some sort and is not ACTUALLY a ten year old girl, having "curves" is a bit weird.

    It was then that May finally registered that she was currently bound.
    Hadn't she already noticed that above?

    “Let me go, you creeps!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Or else I’ll…. uh, or else I’ll steal your rope!”

    The man’s eyes widened in panic. “Not my rope!”
    Shouldn't have made me laugh, but it did.

    “Professor….” began the woman, steeling him down with a death glare.

    Still paranoid, the man adjusted his labcoat and straightened his toupee. “Ah, yes. Forgive me, Caroline. My name is Professor Birch. I’m your new father.”
    So the beginning was quite interesting. I love the en medias res aspect of just tossing the reader into the middle of something. The rest was... unusual. Birch seems like an absolute fool, which is how I always pictured him.

    Not a bad opening, so keep it up!


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    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I like the curiousness of the beginning here, throwing the reader right into "what the heck is this?"-ness. I don't love the "decidedly female" part of description. It makes it sound REALLY feminine. Like a giggly little girl or something.
    I've thought about this a lot. As an immortal, fiery demon, the -ess suffix and subsequent voice are more honorary than anything. I think. Thus, 'she' and 'it' are interchangable in this case.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I *generally* don't like that someone would use "'cuz" in a quote, but it CAN work if you're using it to show something about the character. She is curt, she is abrasive, she is improper. It works if that's the message, and it seems like that might be the case here. Other than that, though, I don't love using colloquial spelling in quotes.
    It's more correct than using the word 'cause' as an abbreviation for 'because.' Cause is a noun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Shouldn't that be "she", since she is a woman?
    Indeed it should, thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    I know there's a whole...thing with May/Dawn/Misty, etc. But reading about a ten year old's body, even one that is possessed of a demon queen of some sort and is not ACTUALLY a ten year old girl, having "curves" is a bit weird.
    This is not its own take on the world of Pokémon. This is a corruption of canon. May is ten, or right around there in canon, and all I did here was describe her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Hadn't she already noticed that above?
    Not fully. When you're groggy, you'll notice things, but not fully register it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Shouldn't have made me laugh, but it did.
    Hurray for qualitiless entertainment!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    So the beginning was quite interesting. I love the en medias res aspect of just tossing the reader into the middle of something. The rest was... unusual. Birch seems like an absolute fool, which is how I always pictured him.

    Not a bad opening, so keep it up!
    Thank you, you're too kind.

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    Zidbas-san, please put me on the pm list.
    May is a demon, thank you for pulling the most ridiculous thing out of your butt. Case in point, AWESOME!
    I have played pokemon emerald 20+ times, so I know a lot about it. And it holds some of my best pokemon memories.
    Will you still work on Road to the Funny Farm of DOOM!
    Domo Arigato, zidbas-san.
    They say if you press cntrl and W you get to see the programming of a website after making a signature with 3 ws and 8qs
    Fanfics I like that are still in production: Author's Run, Pokémon emerald the better version

    This the aquabats song awesome forces:
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    Interesting...quite interesting....

    The writing is good. There's a few redundant moments but all of them were already mentioned by someone else, so I won't.

    To be honest it's a bit creepy. You know the fact that the silly girl who travelled around the Hoenn Region with Torchic and who had an annoying little brother fell out fo the sky and is actually an evil demon. That part is a bit weird. I've never been a huge fan of demons.

    But hey, maybe it's time I got out of my comfort zone. I will continue reading Nice work.
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    Check out MandJTV, a channel where Raccoon Man, a hero nobler than any other, serves justice and does a few other ridiculous (and funny) things.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SceptileFan View Post
    The writing is good. There's a few redundant moments but all of them were already mentioned by someone else, so I won't.
    They're all intentional, unless they're a mistake. I have a certain fondness for redundancy.

    Quote Originally Posted by SceptileFan View Post
    To be honest it's a bit creepy. You know the fact that the silly girl who travelled around the Hoenn Region with Torchic and who had an annoying little brother fell out fo the sky and is actually an evil demon. That part is a bit weird. I've never been a huge fan of demons.
    Rest assured, it won't be overplayed. It's really just a fun way to introduce her motives and personality. And to be quite honest, I forgot about Max, so many thanks~

    Quote Originally Posted by SceptileFan View Post
    But hey, maybe it's time I got out of my comfort zone. I will continue reading Nice work.
    Thank you very much~
    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    Zidbas-san, please put me on the pm list.
    With pleasure!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    May is a demon, thank you for pulling the most ridiculous thing out of your butt. Case in point, AWESOME!
    I have played pokemon emerald 20+ times, so I know a lot about it. And it holds some of my best pokemon memories.
    Hurray for playing off of nostalgia~!
    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    Will you still work on Road to the Funny Farm of DOOM!
    Domo Arigato, zidbas-san.
    At some point. It's on hiatus, but I will return to it.

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    Here's a short chapter. It's, like I mentioned, short, but I just wanted Littleroot out of the way.

    Chapter 2: Meet Brendan

    PREVIOUSLY ON POKéMON EMERALD 3:

    “My name is Professor Birch. I’m your new father.”

    AND NOW:

    “My father isn’t a fleshy meat bag,” May said dubiously. “He’s a sweaty, seventy foot wall of burning hatred, infernal rage, cinnamon sprinkles, and demonic blazes. Then again, I haven’t seen him since the seventies, and we all know what sort of craziness happened back then.”

    The Professor cleared his throat nervously. “Uh... what? Never mind.” He straightened his toupee again. “What I meant to say is, I’ve officially adopted you.”

    May blinked.

    She blinked again, if only for the effect.

    “What?” she asked.

    The woman, Caroline, beamed in approval. “We made it official now! You belong to him, physically speaking!”

    May stared. “What?!” she asked in panic, struggling against the ropes. “You’re kidding!” The more she struggled, the more the thick, rough ropes dug into her mortal flesh, causing the flesh to burn.

    “Don’t struggle too much, hon,” Professor Birch said as he sharpened his nails with a file, while stuffing Cheetos down his throat. “I need your pretty little body for my own purposes.”

    May blinked again in horror. After a moment, realization sunk in. “Oh, I see! You want conquest!”

    The professor gleamed with joy. “I told you she would know, Caroline!” To May, he continued. “I’m going to entrust you, Reggie, and Brendan, the weeping mess in the corner, each with a Pokémon.”

    Caroline gasped in horror. “They’re underage, Professor! That’s illegal! Ever since that Red boy started the war and subsequent genoci-“

    “Shush, Caroline! Think about it, May; when I first met you, even in your unconscious state, you managed to kill three of the less important assistants I sent to retrieve your corpse to see if we could ransom it.”

    “Who would you ransom it to?” May asked, thrashing against the ropes.

    “That’s what I said too! I like this kid, Caroline. Anyway, there are some weird people out there… Regardless! I’m a poor, hungry, person, miss May…”

    “Yet you own a billion dollar lab, pay your minimum wage, have a mansion-“ screamed an employee before he burst into flames.

    “I also have pyrokinesis,” the professor proudly explained. “Anyway, I’m poor. And as you may.... heh heh. As you may or may not know, here we have Pokémon battles.”

    “Pokémon battles?” May asked. By now she had finally finished thrashing and was listening intently.

    “Think of it like… like let’s say we have a bunny each. My bunny has psychokinetic powers, yours is on fire. Then we force them to murder each other, and the victor gets a couple thousand monies. Then the victor unceremoniously beats the loser up until they’re on the verge of consciousness, where they rush to the nearest hospital for free health care.”

    May stared at him in horror. “That’s horrible! Free health care?! How do doctors make any money?!”

    Birch seemed to consider this, thinking intently. “I actually don’t know,” he admitted. “Actually, come to think of it, I’m pretty sure they’re all deathrow convicts that can opt out of death for several years of voluntary service.”

    “That’s worse!” May protested under her façade of caring, licking her lips.

    “Not really,” Birch said. “Most of them die anyway. Anyway, where was I?”

    “Battling.”

    “Right! So I figure, I give you this Pokémon, you go around, beating everyone at battles, you accumulate high amounts of money, and give them all to me. You could do some sort of side goal on the side, I guess, like collecting gods or conquest or something, just as long as I get my cash.”

    May blinked.

    Gods…? Conquest…? This was something she could do. If she was being forced to live here, this she could work with. Having an entire region under her control? Amazing. May thought back to her studies in her youth; assuming she remembered correctly, Hoenn had seven legendary gods; twin dragons that could make themselves invisible… a trio of golems from the earth itself… a monster of the earth, that could create landmasses with its volcanic fury… a fish of the entire ocean, that could expand the seas… and a dragon that was so powerful, it could nullify any of the others.

    Yes.

    This she could do.

    “You have a deal, professor,” May grinned.

    In response, Caroline took a large ceremonial scythe and swiftly cut the binding ropes.

    “Excellent!” Birch declared. “You should probably meet your companions; Brendan, and the other kid.”

    “I’m your nephew, Uncle,” a voice dejectedly said. “My name is Reginald. We’ve been over this at least twenty times.”

    “That’s not too bad-“ Birch said.

    “This week.”

    “Still could be worse!” the professor said merrily.

    “Today is only Monday.”

    “Whatever. It’s time to meet May… uh…. yooou.”

    “Reginald. Reginald Saevus, at your service,” the person said, finally stepping out of the shadows and extending a hand to May, brushing a blonde hair out of his face. He was wearing a normal attire, a T-shirt and dark jeans, but he had some sort of vest on, so it made it all seem rather regal. Around his neck he wore a neckless with a sharp tooth, likely a memoir of some sort, and atop his head he wore a straw hat with a huge brim.

    May hated him instantly and begrudgingly shook his hand.

    “Brendan, come out of the corner dear, or Mommy will have to see you out!” Caroline called cheerily. Standing up with sudden happiness, the person in the corner walked over to him. He wore a bandana similar to May’s own, with a large amount of white hair poking out of it. His outfit was simple, yet effective and stylish; a black shirt with strange orange markings, baggy shorts, socks that seemingly went to his knees, and stylish shoes. He waved before pulling out a mirror and admiring himself.

    “May, this is Brendan,” Birch said. “Vanus, this is your travelling partner, along with Reggie. Got that?” Brendan struggled for a moment to pull himself away from his mirror before giving an affirming nod.

    “So, what are these Pokémon things you mentioned?” May asked.

    Birch, in response, pulled out several balls from his cargo shorts, and threw them into the air. In a burst of harsh red light, three small, adorable creatures spawned before the,. Each of the future trainers immediately singled one out.

    May grabbed a small, red chicken Pokémon. “It reminds me of Hell’s eternal flame; lethally scorching, yet oddly chicken-shaped.”

    Brendan reached for a small, blue, fish-like Pokémon. “It’s as beautiful as my smile,” he gushed.

    Reggie grabbed the last remaining Pokémon, a green lizard. “Neat,” he said.

    “SKRAAAAAW!” said the Treecko affectionately.

    “Aww, he knows your name already, Skraaaaaw,” Birch said affectionately as he hurried back, having gotten a microwavable burrito. On his way, however, he tripped, forcing the burrito into his mouth. This is in no way relevant. “Anyway,” he said as he stood up, brushing himself off. “I see you have Mudkip, Brendan, and –May, was it?- I see you have a Torchic. Neat. So, are you three ready to embark on your adventure?”

    “I’m fully prepared to kill all who oppose me, sir, in the name of conquest,” May affirmed with a cackle.

    Brendan sighed. “I’m fully prepared to destroy my enemies in the name of beauty and monetary gain.”

    “Yes,” said Reggie.

    “Cool beans,” said the professor as he fumbled with three machines before handing one to each of the three new Trainers. “This is your new Pokédex. Think of it like the FBI’s Most Wanted List, but for animals.”

    “Is it just me or does anyone else find it weird that you keep using illegal references?” May asked.

    “Just you,” everyone answered in harmony.

    “I think I could get used to this,” May stated simply, opening the sliding glass door of the lab, the other two following behind. As they exited the building, they stepped out in to the middle of a clearing of a vaguely wooded area, trees forming a natural border on all sides but the one they were facing, where the ocean sprawled out before them. Behind them sat two other buildings, probably the houses of Birch and Brendan, respectively, and a third one tucked away in the corner.

    “Wow,” Brendan remarked.

    “Don’t you live here?” May inquired. “Should you not be used to this scenery?”

    “Good point,” admitted Brendan.

    “Wait, don’t leave!” yelled a voice that stung with static. Turning around, the trio saw a little boy with large glasses, running towards them. “Activate installation; run!” he called as he sped up.

    “Who’s this?” May whispered to Brendan, who was too absorbed with a mirror to notice.

    “Greeting: Salutations!” the boy proudly cried as he panted, clutching his knees. His thick glasses nearly slipped off his face, but were kept on mysteriously. He wore a nice green shirt with a tan sweater vest over it with baggy blue shorts, which offset the whole outfit. “Statement: My name is Max, and I am your brother!” he proudly proclaimed in a monotonous, if cheery, voice.

    “Go away, Max,” Brendan sighed in exasperation, leaning upon the well-painted walls of the modernly-painted lab.

    “Request: I wish to go with you!” Max said.

    “No,” Brendan replied flatly.

    “This is my brother?” May asked dubiously, rapping her knuckles against his skull, making an echoing, dull sound. “Seems rather empty.”

    “Initiate begging sequence!” Max said as he started to cry. “I love you!”

    “I’m still here,” Reggie added meekly.

    “Hush, you,” Brendan ordered crossly. “Max, you need to leave. We’re about to decimate the region, which is hardly appropriate for someone of your age.”

    “Protest: But I am older than you!” Max protested fiercely, while maintaining his electronic monotone.

    “Then why are you smaller and less beautiful?” sneered Brendan.

    “Depressing monotone: I am a midget….” he sighed.

    “Height determines rank here!” May decided, realizing she was an inch taller than Brendan.

    Max stormed off into one of the houses. The more May looked at it, the more it seemed appropriate to call them shacks, given their size.

    “Guys, I’ll be right back. I want to say good-bye to my mother,” Reggie said hastily as he ran off.

    “So,” May said triumphantly, surveying Route 101 before them. “Are we forgetting anything before we head off?”

    Brendan cast a glance towards Reggie’s house in the corner. “Nope. Let’s go.”
    Last edited by Zibdas; 8th January 2013 at 11:33 PM.

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    I like your description of a torchic! And heck!
    Robo-max.
    Seriously, amazed by your own home. YOU ARE NOT A GOLDFISH>:<
    Last edited by Rotomknight; 7th January 2013 at 8:23 PM. Reason: Smiley trouble
    They say if you press cntrl and W you get to see the programming of a website after making a signature with 3 ws and 8qs
    Fanfics I like that are still in production: Author's Run, Pokémon emerald the better version

    This the aquabats song awesome forces:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx4sL0w3SHM
    and here is their song shark fighter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wchrctxFo

    I NEED A BETA READER!
    Check out my fic.
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...2#post14945242

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    I noticed this was posted quite a few times and there weren't many reviews on it. So I'm here to give you one. This will be my two cents on chapter 1.

    “This sucks,” a male voice moaned of sheer boredom.
    This sentence makes no sense. He moaned of sheer boredom? I think you want to say out of sheer boredom.

    A dull thud could be heard, then silence.
    If it was me then I'd change could be to was. For some reason this just sounds weird to me.

    He was swiftly cut off by another swift smack.
    This should be a since there was no mention of a first smack.

    They tumbled past fiery depths, cascaded beyond lava, and met with an unfortunate crunch at a cavern deep within the earth, staring face-to-face with a massive red monstrosity, slumbering peacefully.
    Did they just fall to Hell?

    “Finally,” hissed the female voice. “You’re mine, Groudon!”
    Aw, now I'm disappointed. I wanted them to fall into the lake of fire.

    Thundering once more, it instead bellowed a mighty “You have no choice!”
    A comma is needed after mighty.

    she muttered through her rest, smirking with victory.
    I'm not sure what you mean by this. No matter how I read it, it's not making any sense to me.

    “High Demoness May, I you have officially been summoned by the High Lord of Evil Himself.
    Take out the random I. It's not needed here.

    For it is I, Lord Flufflebuns, that have brought you from the afterlife
    Here is all the fear that he seems to make people feel. All the respect that I'm building...Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd it's gone.

    she asked before being shot down into the earth like someone being shot down into the earth by a High Lord of Evil.
    Don't you hate when that happens? Worst feeling ever.

    It wasclear this woman was vain
    Missed a space.

    That was an interesting take on the Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald start. Instead of moving to Littleroot, why not be shot down from the atmosphere? That's one way to get attention. The whole Evil Lord thing was my favorite part, even if his name is Flufflebuns. He just wants to be accepted. Great start. Keep it up.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    I like your description of a torchic! And heck!
    Huzzah!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    Seriously, amazed by your own home. YOU ARE NOT A GOLDFISH>:<
    He may very well be a goldfish. A narcissistic goldfish.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    I noticed this was posted quite a few times and there weren't many reviews on it. So I'm here to give you one. This will be my two cents on chapter 1.

    This sentence makes no sense. He moaned of sheer boredom? I think you want to say out of sheer boredom.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    If it was me then I'd change could be to was. For some reason this just sounds weird to me.
    Aha! Thank you. I'm so bad at proofreading. ,_,

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    This should be a since there was no mention of a first smack.
    It implied the first time he was silenced was the result of the original smack. Not sure I made that clear, but it's cleared up now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Did they just fall to Hell?
    Naw. Just the innards of the earth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Aw, now I'm disappointed. I wanted them to fall into the lake of fire.
    I was tempted to just kill them off before the story even began. But alas, that's what we call a paradox, which is frowned upon in all forty-eight states of the contiguous United States.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    A comma is needed after mighty.
    Fixed, thank you~

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    I'm not sure what you mean by this. No matter how I read it, it's not making any sense to me.
    She made for her bed after saying she was going back to bed; she's resting and talking to him by this point. Man, I must suck at English, haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Take out the random I. It's not needed here.
    Whoopsie. Fixed though, so thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Here is all the fear that he seems to make people feel. All the respect that I'm building...Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd it's gone.
    Fun fact; "Flufflebuns" is an ancient Kantoan word meaning "Great destroyer of thou who opposes the demon's wrath." It lost its meaning after a few centuries.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Don't you hate when that happens? Worst feeling ever.
    Right up there with pollen allergies, common colds, and the feeling of having your life being torn out by a black hole as you sit helplessly, watching. Right up there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Missed a space.
    Fixed~

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    That was an interesting take on the Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald start. Instead of moving to Littleroot, why not be shot down from the atmosphere? That's one way to get attention. The whole Evil Lord thing was my favorite part, even if his name is Flufflebuns. He just wants to be accepted. Great start. Keep it up.
    He ain't done either. But thank you, reviews are greatly appreciated.

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    Story is certainly veering towards weirdness. The professor has random pyrokinesis? O-kay. Heh. But I guess it had its moments that made me chuckle. This reads kind of like a Mad magazine where there seems to be a lot of non-sequitor, goofy things, so I'll need to adjust because I'm more used to stories that are humorous while grounded in reality.

    The one part I did like was the part about ransoming the body. "Who would you ransom to?" "That's what I was asking!". I did get a kick out of that.

    Sorry I can't do this chapter in quite as much depth, but I'm on my way out the door for work, and I just wanted to get it read, and I see Shadow helped you with a lot of the basic errors.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Story is certainly veering towards weirdness. The professor has random pyrokinesis? O-kay. Heh. But I guess it had its moments that made me chuckle. This reads kind of like a Mad magazine where there seems to be a lot of non-sequitor, goofy things, so I'll need to adjust because I'm more used to stories that are humorous while grounded in reality.

    The one part I did like was the part about ransoming the body. "Who would you ransom to?" "That's what I was asking!". I did get a kick out of that.

    Sorry I can't do this chapter in quite as much depth, but I'm on my way out the door for work, and I just wanted to get it read, and I see Shadow helped you with a lot of the basic errors.
    Honestly, I'd much rather this short review to nothing at all; I'm not picky. And forgive me for being a bit non-sequitar with this; I really don't have too much an idea about what I'm doing, but next chapter, dramatically enough plot develops!

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    “Uh... what? Never mind.” He straightened his toupee again.
    Ha! I knew Birch wore a piece!

    The more she struggled, the more the thick, rough ropes dug into her mortal flesh, cauing burning flesh.
    Just a case of typing too fast. It happens to us all. And I think the last part would sound better worded as such: causing it to burn. While it's not a mistake to use flesh again, it's just a pet peeve of mine when I use the same word so close together. You could keep flesh and word it as causing her flesh to burn.

    TTo May, he continued.
    An extra T.

    In a burst of harsh red light, three small, adorable creatures.
    You didn't finish the sentence.

    How could they leave Reggie?! So messed up. Nothing too wrong in this chapter. Just slight things here and there. If this was the "I don't know what I'm doing" chapter, I can't wait to see the "this is where I want to take this" chapter. May's goals are hilarious as well as Brendan's since they coincide. It'll be interesting to see how they pan out. Great job on this one. I had a good laugh.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Ha! I knew Birch wore a piece!
    Wasn't it obvious?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Just a case of typing too fast. It happens to us all. And I think the last part would sound better worded as such: causing it to burn. While it's not a mistake to use flesh again, it's just a pet peeve of mine when I use the same word so close together. You could keep flesh and word it as causing her flesh to burn.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    An extra T.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    You didn't finish the sentence.
    English: Not my thing, apparently. But fixed regardless, thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    How could they leave Reggie?! So messed up. Nothing too wrong in this chapter. Just slight things here and there. If this was the "I don't know what I'm doing" chapter, I can't wait to see the "this is where I want to take this" chapter. May's goals are hilarious as well as Brendan's since they coincide. It'll be interesting to see how they pan out. Great job on this one. I had a good laugh.
    Reggie has plot development. I.e.; no one particularly likes him. And I wasn't aware Brendan had goals. I'll have to fixed that. Tune in next time... for a very spooky episdoe!
    I'm kidding of course. It's only as spooky as the average loaf of bread. Completely manageable.

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    Chapter 3: Old Ails of Oldale Part One


    PREVIOUSLY ON POKéMON EMERALD 3:
    “It’s like the FBI’s Most Wanted List, but for animals.”
    AND NOW:

    “So, I’ve been thinking,” Brendan drawled as they began marching down Route 101. “We should nickname our Pokémon. Supposedly, it’s a huge thing to do. Could help us blend in more with the populace.”

    “Mhmm,” May agreed without listening. She hated this place. The grass was soft beneath the soles of her feet and a vibrant green. The trees formed a natural border that directed you but one way down the route, but they were all tall and healthy. The flowers, sparse as they were, created a distracting, sweet aroma. All of this made a quaint little route that distracted her of her ideas of domination and conquest. It was all too nice.

    “I’m going to love to see this place burn,” she growled.

    Brendan was pulled out of his ramble. “Were you even listening to me?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips.

    “Definitely not,” May replied casually, fingering her Pokéball. Gripping it tightly, she contemplated how best to cross the Route before them with touching this dreaded grass. Immediately she wandered over to a small rocky outcropping, that from this direction was a foot high, but the other direction, as the route gently sloped upward, was perfectly even.

    “Don’t you dare,” Brendan warned. “You can only go down slopes. It’s a rule.”

    May stared at him. “You’re…. kidding, right?”

    “Absolutely not.”

    “You’re telling me that this small rock –not even bigger than my knee!- is completely, and totally, insurmountable?!”

    “Yes.”

    May stared at him once more.

    “Try me,” he said crossly.

    May glared at him now. Defiantly, she raised one leg high into the air, leading Brendan to gasp. With all the rage she could immediately muster, she slammed her foot down onto the rock. Brendan fell to the ground by the shock, gasping and wheezing.

    She lifted her whole body up in a victorious, gloating outburst.

    “How’s the view down there?” she giggled tauntingly.

    “Delightful!” he sarcastically intoned. “This patch of grass is almost as groovy as my parties down south!”

    “The south is an ocean, idiot.”

    “It’s a… a sea of fun. Especially when we hit some mines. Then it’s really s blast.”

    Realizing how long Brendan was inevitable to take, she sat down on a medium-sized stone. “I’m sure it was ‘da bomb,’ so to speak.”

    Brendan took another whimsical step forward. “You know it! I just wish you could have sean it. And it-“ he stopped suddenly, looking down into the waist-high grass. “Something bit me!” he yelled, panicking.

    “It can’t be too bad,” May replied casually. She changed her mind when she realized Brendan was slowly sinking into the grass. Throwing the Pokéball she had been fondling fondly for a while now, she screamed a simple, “Blaze! Use Ember!”

    The small chicken Pokémon appeared in a burst of harsh red light, eyes angered and poised to fight. With a shrill “Torchiiiiiiic!” it released a barrage of fire into the deep grass, burning most of it away instantly and igniting what it didn’t. The entire area now harsh to the eyes amidst the blaze of fire, smoke prohibiting breathing and eyesight, May began to panic. Typically, in past affairs, she made sure she was well away from an area before destroying it. She’d have to remember to have a serious chat with Blaze later.

    “My beautiful leg-flesh!” Brendan screamed as his head momentarily surfaced above the sea of burning grass, before being forced back down again.

    “Damn it Brendan!” May growled as she realized the funding for her conquest would be cut short if half the team went missing. Keeping this in mind, she dove into the inferno after him, her Torchic following from a suicidally, if admirably loyal, close distance. Hitting the ground, she rolled so as to avoid any serious injuries, and then began searching through the burning plants. Shoving leaves and think tendrils of planet matter aside, she finally came across to a small patch of clearing that existed solely beneath the grass, a small hollow hidden away from the sun above, but not the inferno around them.

    Here she found Brendan playfully trying to get a bone away from a small black dog Pokémon.

    “You moron!” she screamed. “Do you not see what is going on around you?!”

    “Sure don’t!” Brendan cheerfully shrugged. “I’m playing tug-of-war with the newest addition to my party, Barky Brendan. He and Squirt get along so well!”

    “You named that dog… after yourself?” she asked.

    “Barky Brendan is more like a wolf, actually,” Brendan mused.

    “And you’ve failed to realize you’ll probably die soon if we don’t escape?” May demanded. Just to emphasize the point, a burning log crashed into the ground next to Brendan and the small Poochyena.

    Brendan scratched his chin for a moment. “It didn’t occur to me, since having fun is what matters. Say, do you think I should grow a goatee?”

    “What? No. Now help me figure out a way to escape befo-“

    “Hear me out!” Brendan demanded. “I know it would look weird if just I got it, but if you got it, it could be, like, a thing, you know? We could make a club, you know?”

    “No, I do not.”

    “Chill out, May! My gosh, you need to take a chill pill!”

    “Somewhat hard to considering we’re literally trapped in a nice hollow in the middle of a burning forest,” May growled as she examined the burning grass for a way out.

    Her thoughts were interrupted as several more burning trees broke as well, collapsing right into the hollow…

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Mom? Dad?” a hollow, pathetic voice rang out. After a brief pause, the owner of voice was racked with violent coughs.

    “Mom?!” it cried out.

    “Dad?!” it sobbed.

    “Damn it!” it tearfully spat. “I’ll have to try again, I guess…”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “…And in other news, Route 101 has recently been completely burned. The wildfire has spread in several directions, and shows no signs of stopping. This is the second most devastating thing to occur this week and fourth most devastating tragedy since the Red Wars ended five years ago. Local firefighters are currently attempting to stabilize it to no success. The cause of such a fire is undetermined, but whoever started it will be severely punished. 2 confirmed dead; one male and one female, both aged approximately ten years of age, not to mention hundreds so far of catalogued Pokémon fatalities…”

    Brendan’s hand lazily found a suitably sized object and hurled it in the general direction the noise was coming from. The sudden quiet told him he hit his mark. Finally, he worked up the motor functionality to open his eyes, to discover the two of them in a cheap 70’s motel room, both in separate beds. He sat up and stretched as he watched May sleeping, her head firmly implanted into the pillow she had.

    “That was weird,” he groaned, rubbing his aching head. May slowly opened an eye and pulled herself up.

    “Ugh…. we’re supposed to be dead…” She cast a slow glance across the room. “Either Hell got refurnished, or we’re not dead.”

    “I vote for being alive,” Brendan muttered as he realized, to his pleasant surprise, that both Squirt’s Pokéball and Barky Brendan’s Pokéball were firmly secured to his belt.

    May rubbed her head. “So we should be dead. Right. Got that. It’s the fact that we’re not I’m having trouble coping with. Do you actually have any of these ‘chill pills?’ I want to lie down, I have a terrible headache.”

    Brendan groggily turned to stare at her. “You’re kidding, right? ‘Chill pills’ aren’t real. You’re so un-hip your pants are going to fall off.”

    May scowled. “What does that even mea?!” she demanded.

    Brendan shrugged. “Why don’t we go outside this motel, maybe up to Route 103 and relax for a bit?”

    May scowled. “We’ll be conquering, thank you very much, and it will be controlled.” She glared down at her Pokéball for emphasis.

    Brendan shrugged. “So long as we get to Lilycove, it makes no difference to me.”

    “Lilycove?”

    “Yeah. Big city on the coastline to the north-east of here. They’re having a sale going for 100,000 hours on all beauty products. That’s why I’m here. That, and Birch’s greed.”

    “100,000 hours?”

    “Mm-hmm.”

    May furrowed her brow. “Seems arbitrary…”

    “Only entirely,” Brendan shrugged.

    “Whatever. Let’s just get some breakfast and get on with it.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Having replenished their hunger with a bountiful breakfast of oranges, toast, and something not legally able to describe, the two set off once more through the town, noticing something strange.

    “May,” Brendan hoarsely whispered. “Are you noticing this too?”

    Noooo,” May said, rolling her eyes. “I am n idiot. Tell me what you see.”

    Brendan blinked in surprise. “Well, it’s just that everyone-“

    “Yes, Brendan, I see,” she hissed.

    What she saw was as follows;

    Oldale Town, as they discovered the name of the town was called, was once a sleepy little village with but a few small abodes. Then the name of commercial tourism took hold of the town, and it was swept in cheap motels. However, this ha done major flaw; without any tourists, restaurants, locale, local scenery, residents, or anything, most of them motels crushed themselves. These days, Oldale Town is but a small town with a few cottages and the last remaining motel in the entire Hoenn region. There was also one other quirk;

    Everyone wore a paper bag over their head. A brown paper bag, the kind you’d put groceries in. The front of each was decorated with an extremely crude drawing of a face done in crayon or marker.

    “What a boost to my self-esteem,” Brendan sighed mightily.

    “Hello, foreigner,” a friendly man said. Normal looking enough, he wore a floral-printed button-up shirt with baggy khaki shorts and sandals. On his paper bag was a smiling face that was almost disturbingly cheery. “How can I help you?”

    “Actually,” Brendan noted. “We [i]do[/I need some Pokéballs. How much?”

    “Free, foreigner!” the man decreed< handing them several Pokéballs to each of them.

    May snarled. “I’ll enjoy killing you most,” she muttered.

    “Me too!” the man begged as he removed the mask, only to reveal an identical paper bag underneath, this one, however, boasting a crying face.

    “May, we should head north,” Brendan said. “Route 103 should be some good training for little Blaze and Squirt, not to mention Barky Brendan.”

    “I suppose so,” May said wistfully, avoiding the gaze of these strange people. She shuddered. Not with fear, she assured herself. It’s chilly.

    Stepping out of the north gate, they came into a small route, ending in a dead end in front of them, and a grand river to the east. Sighing, they both relaxed on a small field.

    “No war conquest?” Brendan asked. May shrugged.

    “Blaze needs to learn,” she said simply.

    “Speaking of which, I was thinking,” Brendan began as he started toying with a Pokéball. “What would be a better way to train our Pokémon than a battle?”

    May toyed with the idea. “You’re on,” she said with a sense of finality, throwing a Pokéball to the space before her. “Blaze, prepare to destroy!” she called.

    “Tor…. TORCHIC! TORCHI, CHICI, TOOOOR!” screamed Blaze with a salute to May.

    “Uh…. yeah, Squirt, let’s go!” Brendan called as he sent his own Mudkip forth.

    “Mud…. kip,” Mudkip proposed thoughtfully.

    “I am guaranteed a victory,” Brendan sighed beautifully. “I have the type advantage.”

    “Torch. Chic. Toooor…. chiiic,” the Chick Pokémon commanded to the Mud Fish.

    Squirt shook his head. “Kip,” he cooed.

    “Chi, torchi, chic!” Torchic screamed in fury.

    “Mud. Mud kip. Kip kip…. mud.”

    “TOOOOOOOORCHIIIIIIIC!” Torchic screamed as she leapt into the air, cawing madly. “TORCH! CHIC! TORCHIC TORCHIC TORCHIC!”

    “Kip,” smiled the Mudkip.

    “Any idea whet they’re saying?” May muttered.

    “Vaguely. Birch taught me some things… like that what Torchic is saying has no place on a work of fan fiction that is rated but PG-13, and Mudkip is pretty much saying “Mud” or “Kip.”

    “huh,” May said. “Anyway, Blaze, Ember!” Torchic gave a sharp nod before leaping into the air. “Tor!” it cried as it shot a well-refined ball of fire towards Mudkip.

    “Mudkip, dodge it and counteract with Bite!” Brendan called. Squirt expertly leapt out of harm’s way before leaping towards Blaze, where it latched on with surprisingly sharp fangs.

    “What?! I know little of Pokémon, but I’m pretty sure Mudkip can’t learn that!” May called out in anger.

    “It requires breeding,” smiled Brendan.

    “Wha-?! You’re sick! Wipe that smile off your face,” she spat in retaliation.

    Brendan’s face turned to shock as he revisited what he just said. “Oh, uh, not like that. See, you can-“

    “Hey guys!” said a familiar voice as yellow hair poked through the bushes.

    “Hi Reggie,” May said pleasantly.

    “Reggie… you made it…” Brendan sighed in defeat.

    “Yeah. I almost thought you guys were trying to lose me. Ridiculous, right?”

    “Yeah….” muttered Brendan.

    “Anyway, the fire made it hard to get here, but here I am!” Reggie declared triumphantly.

    Brendan narrowed his eyes. “Hey, Reggie, would you like to battle us?”

    “Two-on-one?” Reggie spluttered. “Seems hardly fair…”

    “Surely you have two Pokémon?” asked May innocently.

    Reggie sighed. “All right. Go, Skraaaaw and Nincada!”

    Skraaaaw, the green gecko from earlier, as well as a smaller, bug Pokémon appeared in an explosion of harsh red light. The bug Pokémon was a light, pale grey and was fairly ordinary-looking, having agile, thin back legs and powerful darker claws up front. Its luminous green eye looked around nervously.

    “Prepare to die!” May said. “As, you know, a friend! Torchic, Ember!”

    “Squirt, Water Gun!” Brendan called as well.

    “Scratch, both of you!”

    As the Chick Pokémon leapt into the air once more to fir more fire, Nincada was far more agile and crashed into it, attacking it with a fury of quick swipes in quick succession. As Mudkip prepared to fire a powerful water blast, the Treecko landed expertly on the ground next to it and slashed it with one of its hidden claws.

    “Squirt!” Brendan cried. “Tackle, now!” The Mudkip recovered instantly, and threw its entire weight at Treecko, which was enough to throw the poor gecko to the ground.

    “Follow up with Water Gun, now!” Mudkip obeyed instantly, unleashing a torrent that knocked Treecko to unconsciousness.

    May, however, was still having troubles with the Bug-type. “Torchic, hang on!” she cried desperately, as Blaze stood its ground, attempting to endure every succeeding swipe with increasing difficulty. A small burst of water knocked it off, however.

    “Thanks,” May grinned. “Finish it, now! Use Ember!” Obediently, Torchic unleashed a blast of fire, ending Nincada’s chance of victory.

    Reggie smiled a good-natured grin of relief. “Well, that was fun,” he said as he recalled his Pokémon. “Wanna head back to the Pokémon Center?”

    May stared at him. “Do you recall what happens when you lose a battle?” he asked simply.

    Reggie blinked before the tube sock hit him over the head.

    “Neat,” May said as she and Brendan began rummaging through his pockets, finding a sizable amunt of cash. “What’s in that sock?”

    “Butter,” grunted Brendan as he began ringing.

    May began ringing too. “Why am I ringing” she asked.

    Brendan reached into his pocket and withdrew a phone-like device. “Probably your Pokénav. Birch wants a three-way conversation, so pick up.” He watched as May did so before addressing the professor. “Ahoy,” he said cheerfully.

    “My bank account smiles at you,” Birch’s merry voice said over the machine. “Gurray, and all that. I’ve transferred your first winning on over, and my, this is a good start. Too bad it took you a week.”

    “A week?! We’ve been unconscious for a week?!” Brendan demanded.

    “I heard you were dead myself,” Birch said helpfully.

    “Since when did I have a phone?” May asked.

    “I slipped it into your pocket when you were unconscious,” Birch said irritably, as if the answer should be obvious. “So, I got so hungry that I ate part of my secretary’s chair, so I have splinters in my tummy. I have to go, but thanks again!”

    The line cut off.

    “Well, this makes for a good day so far,” Brendan said merrily.

    Then a small rock crashed into the ground behind them.

    May turned around sharply. “What is that?!” she asked. The rock was blue and orange, with a purple crystal embedded in the center of it.

    It began slithering off the rock. The blue and orange slime turned into the shape of a person, the purple crystal embedded in its heart. Its head sharply looked up, looking into the eyes of May and Brendan.

    “Torchic, Ember!” May called timidly. The thing radiated pure fear. The subsequent fireball hit it, richocheting immediately into a small patch of grass. The thing stepped forward, grass beneath its feet dying instantly.

    “Squirt, Water Gun!” Brendan called. A gash on its ‘head’ spawned an eye, that stared right at her threateningly. Mudkip shot out several bursts of water at it, but none seemed to register with the figure. It reached out a desperate hand, before disappearing completely.

    “Let’s skedaddle?” offered Brendan.

    “Skedaddle,” agreed May.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Back on Route 103, a lone figure stood on the highest perch. This wasn’t saing much, however, as this was the shortest known route to exist, and the highest perch was a mere three feet higher than all the others. Regardless, his very presence stirred the natural elements. He should not be here. H should not exist in the mortal plane.

    And yet… he was.

    The very basic components of the earth hated this. Wind lapped at his black, torn cape, blowing it fiercely in the wind. His wide-brimmed black fedora masked most of his facial details when coupled with the large blacks sunglasses and scarf that covered his mouth and nose, leaving very little to the eye. However, he was wearing a sharp black suit with fashionable shoulder pads. So what if I shouldn’t be here? he reasoned. Might as well look fashionable while doing it.

    He leapt off the ledge, landing in the soft, spongy grass with enough impact to form a small crater. It didn’t take long until he found what he was looking; across the patch of tall grass that separated him from the densely forested area beyond was scorched with burns, yet still somehow moist.

    “A fire-type and a water-type fought here… but not with each other,” he determined to himself, examining the remnants of the battle. “And the other Pokémon here would not cause such a fight…”

    Something out of the corner caught his eye. Turning to it, he saw what he came for. A small, barely noticeable crater in the ground, a small wisp of steam being the only indicator to show how unnatural it was.. It was so small ‘crater’ was a hardly justifiable term; ‘imprint’ would be more sound.

    Regardless, he stepped forward, and scooped the small, hand-sized meteor into his hand. “Perfect,” he sighed.

    Flufflebuns was back. And soon they would know.

  16. #16
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    FLUFFLEBUNS IS THE PRIMARY ANTAGONIST!
    Torchic: Funny!
    You should read over this chappie, good bit of simple errors: Messed up italics during the pokeballs, the word mea
    They say if you press cntrl and W you get to see the programming of a website after making a signature with 3 ws and 8qs
    Fanfics I like that are still in production: Author's Run, Pokémon emerald the better version

    This the aquabats song awesome forces:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx4sL0w3SHM
    and here is their song shark fighter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wchrctxFo

    I NEED A BETA READER!
    Check out my fic.
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...2#post14945242

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    Man, you have got to SLOW DOWN. I'm never going to be able to keep up with this.


    Sid87's Gen 6 Igloo Shop!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sid87 View Post
    Man, you have got to SLOW DOWN. I'm never going to be able to keep up with this.
    It's okay. From here on I have no break to abuse, so I intend to release them weekly, every Wednesday.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rotomknight View Post
    FLUFFLEBUNS IS THE PRIMARY ANTAGONIST!
    Or is he? Maybe he kust likes rock collecting.

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    A small chapter to tide you over until the next one, where bg things will happen. Big things! You will be shocked! You may even cry! But until then, this may tide you over.

    Chapter4: Old Ails of Oldale Part 2

    PREVIOUSLY ON POKéMON EMERALD 3:
    “Butter,” grunted Brendan as he began ringing.
    AND NOW:

    “Well, that was interesting,” Brendan noted as they skipped to the Pokémon Center.

    “What’s this building?” May inquired. “And why are we skipping?”

    “It’s a Pokémon Center,” Brendan explained. “It’s run by convicts on death sentence and thus no one minds when they die. It’s a hospital for Pokémon, a resting place for wanderers, and best of all, it’s free.”

    “How do the convicts die?” May asked, thinking to herself.

    Brendan shrugged. “I don’t know. They just do. We tend not to worry about the nurses.”

    “I can live with that. But seriously, free health care?! What sort of place is this?”

    “I assume it’s Hoenn, though I have been wrong before.” Brendan slid open the door of the Center and escaped the brisk, vaguely smoky wind and into the warm lounge of the hospital.

    May stepped forward to the counter, a nurse wearing a normal, standardized outfit. Pink mini-skirt, white apron, pink blouse, and pink high heels made her stereotypically nurse-y. To complete the look, she wore a brown paper bag with a smiling, welcoming face drawn sloppily on. A nurse’s cap rested upon it.

    “Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center of Oldale Town,” she said politely and fluently, revealing the phrase to have been repeated and rehearsed many times before. A hint of fatigue from repetitiveness crept into her voice. “Would you like to heal your Pokémon?”

    Nooo, I want a taco,” May monotonously said with a sneaky smirk as she rolled her eyes.

    The nurse nodded as she swapped out her cap out for a paper hat commonly seen at Burger Duke or Bendy’s. “Will that be beef, sweet pork, chicken, or vegetarian?”

    “I’ve never heard of any of those animals,” Brendan muttered thoughtfully. “But I’ll take a sweet pork burrito.”

    The nurse nodded sweetly. “And for you, ma’am?”

    “I’ll just take a soda,” May replied casually as she decided to just play along. The nurse tilted her head before seeming to register their order. “Right away, sir and ma’am,” she said as she headed for the back room.

    “So, uh,” May began shyly. “I sorta… have a question… It’s rather important, I think, so you need to answer truthfully!”

    Brendan smiled, sure he knew where this was going. “But of course. Anything for you, mademoiselle.”

    May took a deep breath, temporarily hiding her head before finally blurting out, “What is Birch like? I need to know my employers!”

    “That seems intentionally misleading….” Brendan muttered. “Anyway, he was one of the region’s greatest minds. But then the Red Wars came in… kinda ruined everything. He was forced to go to Littleroot, where he is now. He’s rather stressed out and quite angry for losing his job; so he violates the law intentionally nowadays as revenge.”

    May remained silent for a moment, taking a second to listen as the nurse serving them screamed from inside the back room. Remembering what Brendan said earlier, she shrugged it off. “What are these Red Wars?”

    Brendan smiled. “I learned about these in Propaganda Class; it was when Professor Suckuel Oak gave a boy named Red a Pikachu, who corrupted Red. Then Red used Pokémon to kill everyone. Then, our great leader Lord Mors-Malum descended from the heavens, and dealt a kick that could shatter bones into Red’s eye. As he couldn’t handle the shame of being a cycloptic freak, he disappeared and Malum became Hoenn’s Lord.”

    May shrugged as a nurse came in with their order. This one was barely taller than the last, with a much wider demeanor, but it was food she toted all the same. “I assume I shall just charge this to your Pokédex?” she asked Brendan.

    Shrugging, he gave her his Pokédex before going to sit down with May at a funky modern glass table. The tabletop was glass, at any rate; it was supported by a column of brass statues carved to fit into each other, making one demented support. Throughout was screaming faces of various gym leaders, world leaders, and the CEO of the Dole Corporation, with a small rollercoaster motif to make it seem more family-friendly.

    May was delighted; Brendan, considerably less so.

    “Look at the loopdeloop!” she squealed in delight.

    “I feel sorry for David H. Murdock, though,” Brendan said thoughtfully as he ate his taco.

    “Your opinion is wrong and that makes you wrong,” May said simply as she disposed of her trash and headed through the door.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Why won’t you move?!” May demanded. “I’m trying to obliterate happiness and welfare, and you jerks are jerking up so much I can’t progress!”

    “We’re so ugly, we’re having an ugly movement,” one of them calmly explained, the tear on his particular bag decorated with glitter.

    “I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Brendan callously shrugged. “I mean, not quite as beautiful as my face or anything, but I’m sure it’s better than Miror B.!”

    They all stared at him. “Beauty… me… Me… Beauty…?” they murmured excitedly.

    Brendan smiled. “Exactly!”

    One of them stood up and proudly ripped off his bag, revealing a fairly average face with lush orange hair. “I feel so alive!” he moaned.

    The others followed suit, revealing a rainbow of hair styles covering fairly ordinary faces. They all grew into an excited buzz.

    “Sweet pie,” May said. “Now can we get through?”

    One of the people held out the palm of their hand. “Excuse me, but did this mite say something?” he laughed in such a way that May was reminded of a Spoink.

    Another one, one with dazzling sunglasses and a pink afro, laughed as she and those around her formed into the perfect formation to impede progress. “We’re not allowing ugly losers like you through,” she yawned, examining her fingernails.

    “I’m no loser!” Brendan exclaimed, stamping down his foot in rage.

    “Oh?” the girl sneered. “How’s that?”

    Brendan smirked as he raised a foot, showing off how remarkably flexible he was. “Wait for it… I have rollerblades on.”

    The group gaped in pure wonder, releasing a stream of amazed murmurs. Once a consensus was reached, they opened up, giving Brendan passage. May stepped forward to join him on the other side, as the pink-haired girl moved into just he spot to stop her. “Not so fast, cupcake.”

    “I’m more of a streusel,” swore May angrily.

    “A streusel… that, um…” the girl thought for a moment. “I got nothing. Anyone?”

    “A streusel who’s laaaaaaame!” cried out a man with a red mullet who wore nothing but a bathing suit.

    “Yes! You’re a very lame streusel, ma’am,” the pink-haired girl intoned politely.

    May squinted her eyes threateningly. “Would a Pokémon battle help you decide?”

    “Oh yes. I’m Riviera,” the girl nodded appreciatively, smirking confidently. “Prepare to be…. Devastated!”

    “At least I’ll be delicious,” snapped May, releasing Blaze the Torchic.

    “But without roller skates, you’re nothing!” cackled Riviera. “Go, Goldeen!”

    “Floop,” Goldeen growled as it faced Torchic menacingly.

    “Tich!” Blaze sang.

    “You’re using…. A goldfish?” May asked dubiously.

    “Seems arbitrary,” Brendan said helpfully from the other side of the barricade of people.

    “Something wrong with goldfish?!” Rivera demanded, twirling a finger in her wig. Goldeen barked angrily in agreement.

    “Well, you know… it’s just that it’s, you know, a goldfish…”

    “But it’s NOT!” Rivera roared. “It’s a COOL goldfish! IT has BLING and ROLLER SKATES!” To emphasize this, the fish Pokémon put on a pair of shades, roller skates, and a large, golden necklace. It grinned cheekily.

    “Torchic, Ember! And am I supposed to actually care?” May asked.

    “Goldeen, Water Gun! And of course; that’s why you do!” Cackling, Goldeen let out a high-pressure burst of water at Torchic, which instantly doused the incoming flame. Torchic ruffled its feather irritably.

    “Sadly, I’m above that. I’m at least three inches taller than you,” May snorted. “Now, Blaze, Scratch attack!”

    “Waterfall, Goldeen! Soak the enemy… TO THEIR PANTS!”

    “Fwehp!” Goldeen cried as it coated itself in a thick tide as it charged towards Blaze. In turn, the Torchic leapt over it, expertly landing behind it, and unleashed a Scratch attack that sent the goldfish flying. As it crashed into a nearby tree, it fell into the unconscious.

    “Brendan, prepare the sock!” May declared as she returned Torchic.

    “Socks cannot stop me! I am worthy of SHOES!” Rivera cried out as Brendan slammed the sock into her head. She collapsed into the ground instantly. May casually went through her pockets, taking all her cash as the crowd looked the other way.

    “Now, if you happen to need me,” she said with an aura of finality. “I’ll be somewhere else.”

    Looking down at her notebook, she casually made a check in a box next to the word “Oldale.” She smirked with the satisfaction of having conquered her first town.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    NC
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    She hasn't conquered it yet...
    She needs to make everyone worship her...
    I HAVE THE TOWEL! Imeansock!
    IS FLUFFLEBUNS STEVEN? Or maybe Prof. Cosmo?
    Pm me on the last part, right or not.
    I have guessed a plot twist from the the end of a quality, well hidden story by ShadedSkies during chapter 1.
    Last edited by Rotomknight; 17th January 2013 at 4:24 AM.
    They say if you press cntrl and W you get to see the programming of a website after making a signature with 3 ws and 8qs
    Fanfics I like that are still in production: Author's Run, Pokémon emerald the better version

    This the aquabats song awesome forces:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx4sL0w3SHM
    and here is their song shark fighter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wchrctxFo

    I NEED A BETA READER!
    Check out my fic.
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...2#post14945242

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    a really nice chair
    Posts
    3,920

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    Due to the chaotic nature of my week, this week's chapter will be late.
    we apologize for the inconvenience.

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