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Thread: A Tale of Two Trainers

  1. #1
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    Default A Tale of Two Trainers

    A Tale of Two Trainers

    Hey Guys! Charze here with a fanfiction coming at you. I had written a bunch of this story a while ago, and I recently picked it up and I'm hoping to use the forums as an incentive to keep writing it. I will rate this PG, because it is not in my character to curse a lot, and the story will stay pretty clean. Throughout the story, the story will be told by different perspectives:

    1. Tony- an up and coming Pokemon Trainer
    2. Myself- the all-knowing narrator
    3. Eagle- A mysterious man, that you will have to read to find out about him

    Also, the use of 3 astrisks (* * *) is used to signify a break in the text. Either of time, perspective, things of that nature.

    I plan to update every so often, but my overall plan is to be writing ahead of when I post sections here. I encourage you to keep reading and feel free to send ideas to make it better, or just give your thoughts on it. If you don't have enough to say in a post here, I'll happily take a VM about your thoughts. Also I encourage you to subscribe to this thread so you can stay upto date on the latest parts of the stories.

    Finally, I really would like to hear your feedback, because I have a busy life with school and all, and as long as I have people that want to read my story, I'll try my best to produce.

    I will do a PM list if you are interested in that, and I would be happy to PM you to keep you updated.

    Thank you! And enjoy, A Tale of Two Trainers.

    * * *


    Chapter 1

    A man at the gate, having worked all day, had let many cars in, but only one out. This man soon recieved a call from his boss.

    "Has Eagle left for his assignment yet?" his boss questioned.

    "Yes sir." the man at the gate answered. "They just left."

    * * *

    ~Tony~

    “Ladies and Gentlemen!” the announcer called through the microphone. “I am proud to introduce our new Pokémon League Champion, Tony Brown!” cheers came from the crowd as I stepped out from behind the curtain. I walked from behind the curtain wearing a custom made black suit, feeling like The Grand Master Poobah of the World. The announcer handed me the microphone. I opened my mouth to talk and…

    BEE-BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEE-BEEP!
    Ah, I love that dream. So as you know, my name’s Tony Brown, I’m 15 years old, and I live in the world of Pokémon; Striaton City in the Unova region to be exact. I’m also in the soon-to-be-graduating class of the Pokémon Trainers School. Some say I’m the best trainer there, and the instructors have high hopes for me.

    So anyways, my alarm clock woke me up, and also to be woken up by my Mom’s adorable Lillipup. Lilipup is a little dog Pokémon with Brown fur and a short little tail. He had a red collar with a little rock hanging from the center. Words can’t describe how cute he is though. My mom is a Pokémon Breeder, and she said it was bred from the “finest league of Pokémon in the world.” Is that true? I don’t really know. Now, I don’t know too much about my dad, except that he’s in high places. He is who I got my Emolga from, my favorite and only Pokémon. Emolga is really cute and adorable, but also powerful and unique, which has made me quite popular around school. And today was a much awaited day. We are taking a trip to Nuvema town, to go to the Pokémon Research Lab. On the way we will also stop in Accumula Town, where we’ll have some time to shop and look around.

    My mom packed me everything I could possibly need, but then I just told her it was only until the late night, then we repacked and I only brought what I needed. She bid me farewell, and that I would see her later tonight and I said goodbye. I then proceeded to walk the block to school. I passed by a few more apartment buildings and went to the café and got a bagel and a glass of milk like I always do every morning; then I walked through the park to get to my school. When I arrived, a bus was there, but when I met Ms. Rose outside, she said it will still be some time before we leave, so I could just wait with some of the other kids outside.

    “Yo Tony!” Phil said, “How ‘bout we beez havin’ a battle, Mister Hotshot?!”

    Phil was referring to me beating one of his “thugs” the other day quite simply. And I guess he thought that makes me a hotshot. No one really liked them that much, but I don’t think they noticed. But I couldn’t back down from a battle, and I still had some time before we left. “Okay, you’re on!” I replied. Then we began.

    “Let’s go Bandit!” he said. He sent out a Patrat, a sneaky little devil, almost like a raccoon, with his brown fur and black fur around his big red eyes. He had little paws and a thin tail with a white bush on the tip, gave me a speedy opponent, but not as fast as mine.

    “Come out Ricky!” I shouted. My Emolga appeared. Ricky had a white stomach and a black dorsal, with yellow wings looking as of those of a flying squirrel, with little electric charged cheeks and a big black bushy tail.

    Ricky made the first move, with a firm Quick Attack hitting Bandit, catching him off guard with such speed. He regained himself then used Tackle, pounding Ricky with a firm hit. Then I told Ricky to use Thundershock, shooting a small beam of electricity directly at Bandit, but Phil told him to use Detect, and Ricky’s Thundershock surrounded him but appeared to do nothing. This confused me as Phil sneered and had Bandit use Bite when I was distracted. I had Ricky go at him with another Quick Attack, knocking Bandit, but he stood up to it. He then used Sand-Attack, trying to fling some sand at Ricky’s face, but he flew to avoid it. Then I had Ricky power in another Thundershock, electrifying Bandit and knocking him down for the count.

    My fellow classmates were congratulating me and Ricky on the win, while Phil healed his Patrat, returned him to its Pokéball and proceeded to walk away. But then our Principal, Mr. Nester told Phil to stop and come back and for all of us to stay where we were.

    “As you all should know, administration doesn’t tolerate non-class-controlled Pokémon Battles,” Mr. Nester stated. It wasn’t hard to tell that about all twenty of us were holding our breath in anticipation. “But I personally encourage students practicing as much as possible and was quite impressed by that battle, and I’ll let it slide. Just don’t tell your teacher…”

    Now we could all breathe. Mr. Nester is one of the coolest people I know. He’s a tall, sometimes intimidating man, but quite comical as well. He was even once a Gym Leader, and I think there’s a lot we could all learn from him.

    “Phil, I believe there is something you forgot…” Mr. Nester said, tapping his foot in anticipation. The most important lesson we are taught at our Trainer’s School is to be a good sport, which means a handshake. Scornfully, he shook my hand and mumbled "Good game..." I could tell it was not earnest at all, but it’s the thought that… sort of counts.

    Mrs. Rose and Mr. Nester then gathered everyone us up and told us we would be boarding now. I was going to board with some of my friends…Wait… What happen to Ricky? I frantically ran from line to find him, and was not surprised to find him snacking on a Pecha Berry tree. He’s a big fan of berries, pretty much all berries to be specific. So with my incident of terror over, I was the last one to board the bus. What I had completely not foreseen is all the seats where my friends were being taken; except for one closer to the front. I figured it might work out for me, considering they would pester me with questions about the battle anyways.

    The seat across from me had a kid I didn’t really know that well. He came in towards the middle of the year, and I don’t think he has a lot of friends. Rumor says he came from the bottom of the Earth, but I think it’s just that they don’t know, and that he doesn’t talk too much.

    “Hey,” he stated. “Nice job with that battle earlier.”

    “Eh, thanks, um…Bill is it?” I asked.

    “Bruce.” he replied.

    “Oh, sorry. I’m Tony.” I apologetically said.

    “Well of course I know that, you’re the most popular and powerful trainer in school, how could I not know who you are?!”

    “Well I wouldn’t say best…” I replied humbly.

    “Yeah neither do I,” He agreed, “You need some fixing on your battle strategy…”

    “I need what now?” I exclaimed angrily.

    “It’s just,” he replied defensively, “You’re a little too aggressive, you need to use more strategy, and you know, pay more attention in class. You can make your attacks stronger and know what’s being used against you.”

    “Ok,” I said, calming down, “Tell me.”

    “Not so fast,” he stated. ”I want you to promise to help me with something. I want to catch a Pokémon. I don’t have one yet and I really want to be able to catch and train one, and I want you and your Emolga to help me.”

    “No problem,” I replied with a grin, “That’s the easy part. We can do that at our stop in Accumula Town.”

    He then proceeded to tell me all about type matchups and ways to power my attacks up. He even told me to consider having Ricky use Charge, to raise his defense and make his Electric attacks stronger. This kid may be a lot smarter and helpful then I may ever have thought.


    * * *

    ~Tony~


    Our bus pulled over to Accumula Town and we piled off, desperate to explore, until we were all stopped by Mrs. Rose. She went over the basic rules of conduct and everything of that sort, and she told us we would have just about an hour to spend in town. There were a few lines of shops, which is where most people went, and others to the Pokémon Center.

    “So Bruce,” I said. “We should probably go to the Pokémart and get you some Poke ball’s to catch a Pokémon.”

    “Oh, don’t worry about that,” Bruce replied. “I already bought some.”

    Something started to tell me he had planned doing this before, but I’m a man of my word, so off we went to nearby Route 1. Route 1 was the path that would lead us to Nuvema Town. It wasn’t too long, but it had enough tall grass to find Pokémon in.

    “So I’ll use Ricky to weaken it,” I stated. “And then you throw a Pokéball to catch it.”

    So after a little bit of searching, we found a wild Pidove in a tree. Pidove is a small bird Pokémon that has mainly gray feathers, but black feathered wings. I told Ricky to use Thundershock on it, shooting a small beam of lightning at Pidove, and he went down instantly and fell off the tree. He struggled to fly away to then be surrounded by its flock in order to protect him.

    “Tony!” Bruce exclaimed. “You can’t use an Electric attack on a Flying Pokémon unless you want to defeat it! Try to use Quick Attack or something else if you wanna catch one. And I can’t catch one if every Pidove comes to his protection.”

    “Hey, sorry, I’m still getting used to the whole strategy thing.” I replied.

    So then we soon found a wild Lilipup, much like the one my mom has. I had Ricky use Quick Attack, charging into Lilipup, but not dealing too much damage. Lilipup countered with Tackle, charging and slamming into Ricky, but wasn’t very strong compared to Ricky’s strength. Ricky then used Quick Attack one more time then I told Bruce to throw one of his Pokéballs. The Pokéball shook for a second or two, before clicking closed, letting us know we caught it. Bruce was ecstatic.

    “Yes!” he screamed. “I got a Lilipup!”

    “Not too loud Bruce,” I said. “The guys at school shouldn’t know we’re doing this, so let’s keep it that way.”

    Immediately after this, my friend, Robby ran up to me, almost even running into me.

    “Robby! What happened?" I asked.

    “Well,” Robby explained while panting and trying to get enough breath to talk. “We were at the Pokémart, where Sebastian accidentally knocked over this one big guy’s motorcycle, so instead of him pummeling us, Luis convinced him to battle us instead. This guy has crazy tough Pokémon and defeated all of ours easily, and we figured we should get you, since you know, you’re the best. Luis was holding him off last, let’s go!”

    Robby, Bruce, and I ran off to the Pokémon Center, just in time to see Luis’ Patrat get knocked away by a Dynamicpunch. My new opponent was a tall biker, bald, with a leather jacket, looking excited to have something else for his Pokémon to eat for breakfast.

    “Who wants to challenge da masta, suckas!” he said. He without a doubt reminded me a lot of Phil.

    “You’re on! Come Out Ricky!” I said in reply as I threw his Pokéball. Ricky came out and was ready to battle.

    “Fresh meat… Let’s go Gurdurr!” The thug said. He sent out a gray, strong, muscular Pokémon. It looked about four feet tall, with his weight consisting of only his muscles. He looked extremely powerful with its bulging muscles, even carrying a steel beam with him.

    The thug told Gurdurr to Bulk Up. It flexed its muscles to be ready for an attack. I took this opportunity to have Ricky use Charge for his next attack. This is what me and Bruce had talked about before, charging then unleashing an Electric attack. I then told Ricky to use Thundershock; the jolt of electricity hitting him told me it was the strongest attack he felt all day. But that didn’t faze him one bit, which worried me that I might be over my head. He then ran at Ricky, ready to use Dynamicpunch. Seeing the devastation it did to Luis’ Patrat, I told Ricky to dodge it, as that may have left me in the battle for another turn.

    I told Ricky to use Quick Attack, ramming into his chest with invisible speed. Gurdurr then used Rock Throw, picking up a rock, and hitting Ricky dead-on, knocking him to the ground. Once Ricky got up, I told Ricky to use Quick Attack, but when he was flying at him, he jolted up and rammed him with a ball of electricity surrounding him; I could tell that wasn’t his regular Quick Attack. The biker, getting angry with having someone a little challenging, had Gurdurr use Rock Slide. The nearby cliff fell with a multitude of rocks, all heading straight for Ricky. He was lucky with a single rock hitting him, but a whole mountainside? He had no chance.

    “Gallade, use Protect!” A voice yelled. A magnificent Pokémon that I had never seen before jumped in front of me, Ricky, and everyone else and created a force field, protecting us from the rocks. We were shocked! This was a green Ninja looking Pokémon with white legs and a battle helmet looking head with thin arms which appeared to have plates, letting them double as a shield and a pair of swords. I had never, in all my time in school and studying, seen anything like this before.

    “Now finish Gurdurr with Psycho Cut!” He said. Gallade ran up to Gurdurr with a blade of psychic energy and sliced him right across the chest with enough power to knock him defeated into the awestruck thug behind him.
    I turned around to realize it was actually Mr. Nester.

    “That was SO epic!” Sebastian exclaimed.

    Mr. Nester laughed at that. “Well Sebastian,” he said, much more seriously, “You’re just lucky I was here to clean up your mistakes. Now all of you take your Pokémon to Nurse Joy and get them fixed up, including you sir.” He was referring to the thug, who still lay on the ground under his Gurdurr, blubbering and we think was trying to say something.

    “Hurry up, we’re leaving in five minutes, and you don’t wanna miss the bus and have to deal with tough guy when he comes to.” He said, and then he walked away. We then ran into the Pokémon Center and pushed each other trying to get the Nurse to heal our Pokémon first and before the bus left.
    Last edited by Charze; 20th January 2013 at 10:39 PM.
    II
    Still back for more.

    Pokemon X Playthrough:
    Elite Four - Hall of Fame Team: Greninja, , Aeigislash, , Tyrantrum,
    Additionally Parts of Rotation Team: Talonflame, Vivillon, , Goodra, Diggersby,
    Honorable Mentions: , , (1st shiny ever!!), (shiny)
    Friend Safari: Snorunt, Bergmite, Cloyster
    Friend Code: 0860-3745-2173




    Credit to Robert

  2. #2
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    As an added bonus for anyone interested in reading, I have added a second chapter as well. This is where things begin to pick up, so you don't want to miss it!

    * * *

    Chapter 2

    ~Tony~


    “Ok class,” Mrs. Rose said. “We are almost at the Pokémon Lab so be ready to go.”

    About time! We had been waiting for weeks to finally be able to go here. It is the only main research facility in the Unova Region. I had never been to Nuvema Town, but I think that is all there is, besides a few houses. I heard there isn’t even a Pokémon Center!

    “So Tony,” Bruce explained, “I think what Ricky used back there was an attack called Spark.”

    “You think?” I replied. “I didn’t even know he knew how to use that.”

    “Well he probably just learned it over time by mixing a ramming attack and his electricity.”

    We were driving through the town and I was right. A small forest village with a few houses, no Pokémon Center, and a large building that was without a doubt the Pokémon Research Lab. Our class unloaded the bus to be told, once again, basic rules and contact and continuously pleaded “Don’t touch anything; a lot of it is really expensive.” We followed Mrs. Rose and Mr. Nester inside, to be greeted by a few aids. I didn’t even know who the professor was.

    “Welcome to the Pokémon Research Lab!” one of the male aids said.

    “Allow me to introduce myself,” the one female aid (or so I though) said. “My name is Professor Juniper. Everyone calls me the Pokémon Professor.” So she is the actual Pokémon Professor! I would’ve never guessed!

    “So let me give you all the grand tour. This is where we conduct studies on everything about Pokémon. Our main topic as of late has been their evolutions. On your left, you can see the three different evolutions of Pidove.” We looked over to find a Pidove, a small dove Pokémon, Tranquill, a slightly larger, thinner, and stronger version of Pidove, and one that was bigger then all of them that I didn’t recognize, peacefully eating some berries.

    “Over in front of you,” Professor Juniper continued. “Are the three starter Pokémon I give to new trainers in our town, much like yourselves; Snivy, a grass type, Tepig, a fire type, and Oshawott, a water type.” All three were playing in a large pen filled with some Pokémon Toys. We all ran over to look in awe. Snivy is a green lizard/snake looking Pokémon with a leaf at the end of his body like a tail with a yellow belly and a sly look in its eye. Tepig is a little orange piglet with a black face with little ears and a little coil tail with a red ball at the end. It has a cute jovial expression too. Oshawott is a blue baby sea otter looking Pokémon with a white furred head and cute little arms with a thoughtful expression. Such rare Pokémon as these were common place at the lab.

    “Mr. Nester, would you allow the kids to take out some of there Pokémon so I can see them?” Professor Juniper asked.

    “Of course! I don’t see a problem with that.” Mr. Nester replied. “No problems Mrs. Rose?”

    “But uh…Well… I guess not Mr. Nester.” she said.

    A cheer arose from the class as a multitude of Patrats and Lilipups appeared. There were a few Pidoves, and two girls had a Munna, a pink circular Psychic Pokémon with two purple flower designs on it. And among them were my Emolga, the most uncommon one in our area.

    “Wow!” Professor Juniper said. “You all have a nice looking lot of Pokémon! Even some Munna’s and an Emolga! Now what I’ve learned in my studies is that all of your Pokémon will be able to evolve further accept for... Um, what it your name, dear?"

    I just realized she was talking to me. “Oh, um… Tony. Tony Brown.”

    “Yes, okay.” She replied. “Tony’s Emolga is the only Pokémon that won’t evolve. It only has that one super cute form.” She stated smiling.

    Well that kind of embarrassed me. I always thought it could evolve into something, but I guess not. I’ll have to get a different Pokémon if I want to watch one evolve.

    “Excuse me, Professor Juniper.” Stephanie said. She was one of the girls who had a Munna and is one of the best in the class. “What are those devices on that table over there?”

    “Ah!” she exclaimed. “I’m glad you noticed them. Those are a new creation called a Pokédex. It is a database that collects and stores information about Pokémon. It records the data on any Pokémon you’ve seen.”

    “Wait,” I replied. “So do you have any information on Gurdurr?” Bruce, Sebastian, Luis, and even Mr. Nester chuckled at this. We were the only ones that knew.

    “Well that came from out of the blue, but I do indeed.” She took a Pokédex out of her pocket as she said this. A voice from the Pokédex said: “Gurdurr, the Muscular Pokémon. This fighting Pokémon is so muscular and strongly built that even a group of wrestlers could not make it budge an inch.” A series of oh’s and ah’s came from the class as it spoke.

    She showed us the rest as our Pokémon explored and played with the starter Pokémon. But sadly we had to leave at some point. We all gathered outside the Lab, as night was starting to fall.

    “Okay everyone!” Professor Juniper said, “Good luck to you all, and feel free to come by whenever you want! Bye!”

    We echoed goodbye wishes, and then we finally drove of en route back to Striaton City. It is strange how one day can change so much. I met Bruce and made his day by helping him get a Pokémon, battled twice, toured the Pokémon Research Lab, and learned just how incredible of a trainer Mr. Nester is. It was definitely a day that will stand out from the others.


    * * *

    ~Eagle~


    “About time!” Cougar said, “I thought those school kids would never leave the lab! What say you, Eagle?”

    “Eh,” I replied, “That’s when the Boss guessed the group would leave.” I didn’t really care much for Cougar’s impatience, considering we were much earlier for the heist than we expected.

    “We shouldn’t even have to wait till midnight!” Cougar exclaimed “We’re Z-Group! We can just walk right in and rain fear down on the puny scientists.”

    “Dude, how did you even get in this group? You need to be stealthy and smart to get in Z-Group. You’re stupid and loud. Don’t you think even in this little town people will notice a talking tree?” I countered. He stopped talking after that.

    Midnight came, 15 minutes after the aide locked up the Pokémon Lab; right on schedule.

    “Ok, Watchog, Come on.” Cougar said. Watchog appeared out of his Pokéball, standing up straight next to us like a prairie dog with its yellow rings around its stomach and its white topped long tail.

    Watchog, Cougar, and I climbed through the rows of trees to the top-back window of the Pokémon Lab. We carefully removed the top window pane to let a hand in to open the window which was done swiftly.

    “Watchog, do your thing!” I said. He crawled in quickly and dropped down to the floor. Shortly after he landed, a guard walking around happened to see him.

    “Hey,” he stated, startled, “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before…”

    Watchog responded by looking into his eyes, which I knew started spinning, hypnotizing the guard into sleep; he fell with a quick thud. He then moved to proceed through the rest of the lab. After about five minutes he returned, and I knew the rest of the lab was clear.

    “All right, let’s go.” I said to Cougar. We moved to the roof and opened the sky window. Cougar went down first, sliding down our rope, tied to the chimney top… no, we weren’t trained to go down chimneys. I followed and landed next to him. Then without a sound, Cougar and I spread out, to find anything and everything useful that the boss would want. Watchog proceeded to the entrance to the lab to, well, watch.

    I walked a few steps to one half of the lab, when I passed by a sleeping security guard into a research area. There were small, empty habitats for Pokémon. Their Pokéballs were in a nearby incubator. I snatched up the starter Pokémon pokéballs, which the Boss had requested. There were a few other Pokéballs, but I wouldn’t want the owner’s sadness on my conscience. The boss hopefully won’t want them anyways.

    “Yo, Eag! Check what I got!” Cougar called me over much louder than he should have. The worse part, is that we had earpieces to communicate. When I was walking over, I was trying to figure out if I was angrier that he yelled for me when we were robbing the place or that he called me “Eag.”

    “Let’s keep it Eagle,” I replied, “and what?”

    “I hit the jackpot!” Cougar said. “I got a whole sack of Pokéballs from some closet and this little handheld computer thing.”

    We went to our central window to leave, and Watchog was there, letting us know everything was normal. We thanked him, and then Cougar returned him to his Pokéball. Cougar had his giant sack, looking like a Santa Clause that had forgotten to drop off all of his presents. I had the starters in a black briefcase, meant for holding Pokéballs. The only problem was that there was no way we could carry his sack climbing up the rope. I climbed up first and so I could drop another rope down to pull up the sack. After climbing, I pulled another rope out of my bag, secured it to the chimney, and then threw it down. I began to hoist it up, and then started to question how Pokéballs were this heavy.

    I also learned that Cougar wasn’t good at tying knots, since after lifting up the sack about two thirds of the way, the sack fell and crashed all over the floor, sending Pokéballs rolling everywhere. Cougar hurried to scoop up as many as he can. He then noticed the guard began to stir, so he grabbed the sack, screamed, crashed into a computer desk, ran by three cameras (which we specifically discussed to AVOID), and busted out the nearest door. All actions inclusive, he probably set off about twelve alarms. Great. When I heard the alarms go off and the guard looked up at me, I bolted, so fast in fact, I almost forgot the case.

    I suppose my crash landing from jumping off the roof was a little loud, so when I got up a guard was running in my direction.

    “Hey! Stop!” he yelled. He threw out his Blitzle and it almost shocked me with a Thunder Wave. Blitzle is a zebra looking Pokémon with a bolt shaped mane, but that’s beside the point, I gotta get outta here. I countered with my own Pokémon.

    “Come out Blitzle” I said. The problem was that I didn’t have time for a battle, or else guards would be able to grab me. I had him use Scary Face and ran and told him to follow. Scary Face intimidated and froze them in fear for necessary time to get a head start away.

    Blitzle and I were running when the guard’s Blitzle ran up to us out of nowhere and used Shock Wave. The shock wave knocked me forward to the ground a few feet and hit my Blitzle. Shaken by the blow, my Blitzle started to shimmer and morphed into my much smaller Pokémon, Zorua, whom I call Shadow.

    “What the heck?” the guard said, “What happened to his Blitzle?”

    Shadow’s small, so I picked him up while the guard was pondering my Pokémon, hopped the fence and ran as fast as I could. I didn’t look back until I was about a quarter mile away from the property.

    Ending up at a quiet park, I immediately fell over and crawled over to a nearby tree to lie down. I looked over at Zorua. He’s a small grey fox/dog Pokémon with black puff of fur around its neck and on its head with red tips of his feet. He has an ability called Illusion, which allows him to disguise himself as another Pokémon.

    “You did a good job, Shadow, but that was a little too close. Let’s hope I get switched to a team that has less Cougar’s in it.” I said, chuckling.

    I figured the guards would eventually come by in their fancy squad cars, so I hustled over to the rendezvous point. I found Cougar casually waiting by our SUV.

    “Dude,” I said, “Was setting off the alarms necessary?”

    “Hey, I got the job done.” he retorted.

    “Yeah… barely!”

    We tossed our catch in the back and drove off; anxious to get out of the area before too many people became aware.
    Last edited by Charze; 20th January 2013 at 10:39 PM.
    II
    Still back for more.

    Pokemon X Playthrough:
    Elite Four - Hall of Fame Team: Greninja, , Aeigislash, , Tyrantrum,
    Additionally Parts of Rotation Team: Talonflame, Vivillon, , Goodra, Diggersby,
    Honorable Mentions: , , (1st shiny ever!!), (shiny)
    Friend Safari: Snorunt, Bergmite, Cloyster
    Friend Code: 0860-3745-2173




    Credit to Robert

  3. #3
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    This is an interesting story so far. It isn't a cardboard cut-out of BW or BW2, which is good. Keep it fresh, like it is now! I'm interested in knowing what this Z-Group will be doing. The biggest thing that I would change is the issue of perspectives. If you decide to keep it all in first person, under the change in perspective/time, tell us who the story is following. In the jump away from Tony, I got confused because it was still in first person. One way that. This could work is giving us the name of who it is following. I do it like this: ~name~ after the asterisks. Another successful way of doing this could be to have the two trainers in different points of views (one in first person; one in third person). I'm going to be using both of these in my next fan fiction, and so far from what I have written, it has proved effective.

    One more thing. I would not have added your chapters so fast back-to-back. I know with Maelstrom I haven't been the best example of this, but it is good to post chapters in a way that they have a common interval between each one's release.

    Just some things to consider, but as I have already said, the story so far seems like it will be really well done.
    Friend safari:

    The Userbar was made by Brutaka

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaziken10285 View Post
    This is an interesting story so far. It isn't a cardboard cut-out of BW or BW2, which is good. Keep it fresh, like it is now! I'm interested in knowing what this Z-Group will be doing. The biggest thing that I would change is the issue of perspectives. If you decide to keep it all in first person, under the change in perspective/time, tell us who the story is following. In the jump away from Tony, I got confused because it was still in first person. One way that. This could work is giving us the name of who it is following. I do it like this: ~name~ after the asterisks. Another successful way of doing this could be to have the two trainers in different points of views (one in first person; one in third person). I'm going to be using both of these in my next fan fiction, and so far from what I have written, it has proved effective.

    One more thing. I would not have added your chapters so fast back-to-back. I know with Maelstrom I haven't been the best example of this, but it is good to post chapters in a way that they have a common interval between each one's release.

    Just some things to consider, but as I have already said, the story so far seems like it will be really well done.
    Okay, I added the difference in perspective, because it switches much more later on, but it is a lottle more obvious. Sorry for the confusion. I'm keeping them both in first person to keep the internal thoughts of Eagle availible to the reader.

    Also, I did two chapters at a time because the real interesting part is at the end of the second one, thats the only reason why. I do plan to have more regular staggered releases though.

    Thanks for your thoughts
    II
    Still back for more.

    Pokemon X Playthrough:
    Elite Four - Hall of Fame Team: Greninja, , Aeigislash, , Tyrantrum,
    Additionally Parts of Rotation Team: Talonflame, Vivillon, , Goodra, Diggersby,
    Honorable Mentions: , , (1st shiny ever!!), (shiny)
    Friend Safari: Snorunt, Bergmite, Cloyster
    Friend Code: 0860-3745-2173




    Credit to Robert

  5. #5
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    Aug 2011
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    The Divine Comedy
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    ~Tony~

    BEE-BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEE-BEEP!

    I slammed on my alarm clock several times, and by about the third time it silenced. Hey, it works every time… It was six thirty, and I should’ve been used to it by now, but it was almost the end of the year and I was anxious to start my journey. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention that. When you graduate from trainer school, that’s when you’re allowed to travel the world unattended and do what you would like with your life. We have our final exam at school today, there’s a written part, and a battle part. I had great knowledge on both and anxious to get them over with.

    After showering, getting dressed and other morning rituals, I went downstairs on my way to leave. Then my mom stopped me real quick.

    “Good Morning Tony!” she said. “Just so you know; they found some new info about the lab robbery.”

    “Oh, that’s cool, what’s the news?” I replied. I heard a little from the paper a few days ago. Apparently at least two guys broke in the night when we were there earlier. We still don’t exactly know what they stole, it was still being figured out.

    “Well,” my mom continued, “they released a profile on the main suspect. About 5’9, thin to medium, wearing all black with a mask and believed to be using a Pokémon called a Zorua. Another man was unidentifiable besides for similar clothes. They stole 3 ‘starter’ Pokémon, a prototype Pokédex, and a supply of Pokéballs.”

    “Hmm…” I pondered, “Ok, I’ll be watching. Bye Mom!”

    “Good luck on the tests! Love you!”

    I took my regular route, getting breakfast at the café as usual. I arrived at school, and within five minutes, we were taking the written portion. We all finished within an hour, and Mrs. Rose was collecting our tests.

    “I think I did pretty good,” Sebastian said, “How bout you?”

    “Same,” I replied, “But I messed up on the Munna evolution question, was it friendship?

    “Naw, I think it’s Moon Stone”

    “Ok class,” Mrs. Rose announced. “You guys are going to meet Mr. Nester at the Battle Arena, and he’ll let you know how the test will work.”

    We hurried as a group to the arena, anxious to start battling. You probably had a gym at your school, we had an arena. We entered in to the large arena, bleachers on each side with a simple dirt battle terrain with the trademark Pokéball logo in the center.

    “Ok guys,” Mr. Nester said. “Mrs. Rose and I decided that we’ll make your playing exam a little bit different this time.” Murmurs and whispers spread through the crowd of kids. “We decided to make your exam a tournament style.” Cue cheers from the crowd. “You will be graded on your first battle, and afterwards will be for fun. We will also be having a guest judge, but we still need to wait for her to arrive.”

    We all started to talk and discuss strategy among ourselves, but I didn’t want to give too much away. I decided to walk over to Mr. Nester to ask him about the Zorua Pokémon I read about.

    “Hey Mr. Nester!” I said, “Can I ask you about something?”

    “Tony,” Mr. Nester said, “You know I can’t tell you about strategy before the test.”

    “No, it’s not that. I want to know about the Pokémon Zorua.”

    “Ha-ha,” he chuckled, “Someone’s been reading the paper recently. Well he is quite a unique Pokémon. He has an unusual ability to disguise as Pokémon. But try not to talk about that too much here.”

    “Why?”

    “Well because…” Mr. Nester was interrupted by Mrs. Rose’s entrance.

    “Ok, class,” she said, “We are about ready to get started and I have our guest judge…Professor Juniper!”

    We were happy about that. She’s pretty cool. But now I get why I shouldn’t talk about Zorua.

    “Ok children!” Mrs. Rose said. She still called us children despite the fact most of us were fifteen and sixteen. “Mr. Nester has posted the bracket and order on the back wall.” We all started to charge towards it until she told us to stop. “Don’t worry just a few more rules. You can only use one Pokémon, and it can either be your own or a school owned. See me afterwards if you would like to use a school Pokémon. You aren’t graded on whether you win or lose, but on how you battled and with what strategy. And most importantly, Have Fun!” she said with a smile. Most of the kids went to Mrs. Rose for a school Pokémon, considering their Patrats weren’t the best Pokémon. But a few other kids and I went to check the bracket.

    I found myself third, and I would face Shannon. The bracket worked out very conveniently. There were sixteen students and an even number of boys and girls, so the first round of the tournament was boys vs. girls. After looking at the bracket, Luis ran up to me excitedly.

    “Tony!” he exclaimed. “Check it! I got a Pansear! These guys rock!”

    “Hey calm down, man,” I said. “You don’t get to keep it, but yeah, he’ll be pretty good for the tournament.

    “Yeah, let’s hope so. But you’ll be fine with Ricky. You were unstoppable when we were training over the weekend.”

    “Ok guys!” Mr. Nester yelled. “Let the tournament begin!” We hurried to the bleachers to see the first match.
    This match was between Laza and Sebastian. We know Sebastian, but not Laza as much. She’s a nice girl, but she was kind of quiet sometimes, and not liked by many girls cause she likes a lot of bug Pokémon. Very fitting, since she started with her own Venipede.

    “Let’s win it, Dengue!” she said eagerly. Venipede is a big caterpillar Pokémon that has a pinkish-reddish head with two antennas and a green body. Sebastian looked a bit worried, but reluctantly sent out his Pokémon.

    “Uh, come out, Pansage,” He said with worry. Pansage is part of a trio of chimp Pokémon of three different types. This one has a small bush on its head and it was green. I could tell why Sebastian was so worried now. Pansage is the least desirable choice for battling a Venipede. Pansage is a Grass type while Venipede is a Bug and Poison Pokémon, both of which are super effective against Grass types.

    Long story short, Sebastian tried his best using Leer to lower defense and attack with Fury Swipes, but it wasn’t enough. Venipede pounded Pansage with Poison Tail and Struggle Bug throughout the battle until it went down. Laza was declared the winner.

    “Man,” Sebastian said walking towards us, bummed. “Not fair, I didn’t have a chance.”

    “Hey, don’t sweat it, man,” I said reassuringly. “It’s only one battle, and once you get more Pokémon you can overcome those type disadvantages.”

    “Oh well, thanks.”

    The next battle was my pal Robby against Stephanie. Robby was using a Timburr, which got easily beaten by Stephanie’s Munna. Munna was Psychic type while Timburr was fighting type, which favored poorly.

    I had no time to talk about the battle since I had to hurry to my starting position. As I said, I was facing Shannon. I don’t know her that well, but I know who she is if that makes any sense.

    “Come on out Audino!” she said as she threw the Pokéball. Audino is a tall pink and yellow Pokémon with curly ears.

    “Let’s go Ricky!” I said, throwing out my own Pokéball. Some cheers rose from the crowd and I smiled. I don’t like to say it, but everyone knew I was the favorite to win the tournament. But hey, you never know.

    I started quickly; telling Ricky to use Quick Attack, hitting a blinding fast hit, but didn’t seem to do too much. Audino has a lot of health, so I should’ve expected that. Audino used Attract. I wasn’t too familiar with the move, but seeing Ricky look googly-eyed reminded me that it infatuates a Pokémon of the different gender. While Ricky was immobilized, Audino used this opportunity to use Doubleslap on Ricky. Finally Ricky came to his senses a bit for me to tell him to use Spark, which was a good, electrified hit, but still didn’t seem to do as much damage as I had hoped. Then I saw Audino shudder and freeze a bit. I thought, yes! This is my chance. She’s paralyzed! But it wasn’t. Shannon told Audino to use Refresh, which healed its Paralysis, just like that. Then Ricky got all lovey-dovey again so Audino was able to knock him strongly with a Pound attack. This wasn’t going so well.

    “Come on Ricky!” I called to him. “You have to focus up if you want to win!” That seemed to spark something in him (no pun intended.). I told him to use Charge which he did, even holding through Audino’s Doubleslap. Ricky could only last so long against Audino, so I was a bit desperate.

    “Go! Use Spark with all you got!” I said. He charged electrified at Audino with one of his strongest attacks I had seen. Audino fell, and I had won. It wasn’t easy, which was when I realized it would be a long tournament.


    * * *

    ~Eagle~

    “YOU CALL THIS A JACKPOT?!” The boss screamed in our faces. Yeah, Cougar and I were getting chewed out after our “big” heist. “COUGAR! You come to me with a giant sack of Pokéballs… THAT ARE EMPTY!!! CAN’T YOU READ?!? THERE ARE SIGNS THAT SAY ‘POKÉBALL STORAGE’!!”

    “Well hey…” Cougar chirped in, “Now you can catch ‘em all!”

    After a long list of words from The Boss that were courteously omitted, I figured he didn’t like the joke.

    Gritting his teeth, the boss replied, “I don’t want to CATCH them all. I just WANT them all.”

    “But I did bring you a prototype database thing.” Cougar said.

    “Yes, I suppose stealing the Pokédex prototype is one thing you did right. The technology and information could prove useful, but… YOU DIDN’T STEAL THE CHARGER!! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO USE IT WHEN IT HAS NO POWER!!!” He sat back down in his chair and drank about three bottles of water before saying anything. I will never know how he could yell at us for that long without a drink, but he might be used to it. Iron throat?

    “Well,” he said, much calmer. “The only thing useful you brought me is the starter Pokémon that Eagle brought in.” That made me fell pretty good. “BUT! SOMEONE was a big hit in the MEDIA, eh? You’re lucky they didn’t catch you guys and milk ya for information. But I’m not taking that chance. You’re both on desk duty.”

    “What?!?” Cougar and I said in unison. We had to work up the ranks to become a field agent. Well… at least I know I did, I still have no idea about how Cougar is even employed here…

    “Well, what did you guys expect?” The Boss sniped. “A promotion?!? That was a completely blown operation! I shouldn’t have even trusted you guys with that theft. Now security will be tighter forever and we have no chance of going back anytime soon. Talk to your new manager on floor three.”

    Well this stinks. We walked out of his office, bummed.

    “Hey!” The boss called. Maybe he’d give us another chance! “One of ya get me an aspirin -- you guys give me headaches…” Our heads fell and Cougar slammed his door.

    After telling his secretary about his headache, we walked into the elevator to head down to our new work station. I was totally not cool with doing desk work for Z-Group. I started to question why I’m even here. I wasn’t even that bad of a guy. But I’m acting a bit rashly; things will turn out better…right?
    II
    Still back for more.

    Pokemon X Playthrough:
    Elite Four - Hall of Fame Team: Greninja, , Aeigislash, , Tyrantrum,
    Additionally Parts of Rotation Team: Talonflame, Vivillon, , Goodra, Diggersby,
    Honorable Mentions: , , (1st shiny ever!!), (shiny)
    Friend Safari: Snorunt, Bergmite, Cloyster
    Friend Code: 0860-3745-2173




    Credit to Robert

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