View Poll Results: Who's the funniest character so far?

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  • Xerneas

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  • Ho-oh

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Thread: Legends, Memes and Explosions!

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  1. #1
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    Default Legends, Memes and Explosions!

    Legends, Memes and Explosions!

    Chapter 1: The Rainbow Shitting Ho-oh!

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    (May be unsuitable for younger readers)



    X dashed through a majestic forest, the resident Pokemon looking on in awe.

    She stopped for a minute, and let her head drop, soon followed by her body.
    She was drifting into a peaceful slumber, which she hadn’t had since her epic battle with that hot-headed foe.

    “Wooper Gangbang Style!” A loud, tone-deaf voice half-screamed, half sang.

    X suddenly woke up into a battle stance.

    “What in the name of Arceus’s pale a-ss is that damn racket!” X shouted.

    A large silhouette appeared in the sky, a rainbow coming from its a-ss area.

    X was sure it was her nemesis, Y.

    But, wait! Y didn’t sing, and X was as sure as f-uck that he didn’t s-hit rainbows!

    X did the only rational thing. The blobs of light on her antlers all turned purple, and she hurled a powerful blob of Toxic attack at the large rainbow pooper.

    “Mother F-ucker!” A deafening scream came from the singing bird, and it started to fall to earth.

    X created a brilliant barrier of blue light around herself as the thing crash landed a few feet away from her. The barrier then faded.

    The large bird stood up, and started to blether in an unmistakably male voice.

    “Please don’t kill me! I’m too beautiful and young to die!” The mystery ‘mon pleaded.

    X realised that it was a red/orange bird, with wings tipped with green and a golden tail like an explosion. It had stopped farting colours.

    “If that thing was in a tomato box and had an Italian accent, and I had a sex change, a German accent and a stick, then this would be Hetalia.” X thought to herself.

    “Wait, you’re a strange… um… Sawsbuck!?” It said, going from a panicked voice to a suspicious one. “Are you one of those Fakemon I’ve heard about?”

    “Oh, hell no asswipe! I’m Princess Xerneas, daughter of King Cobalion and Queen Virizion, their only child, and niece to Sir Terrakion and Dame Keldeo. And you, tone-deaf rainbow shitter?” Xerneas angrily replied, trying her best royal voice.

    “I heard of you, I was a starting High School during your Senior year at High School! I’m Sir Ho-Oh, son of ex-mortal enemies Sir Groudon and Dame Kyogre, twin brother and nemesis of Dame Lugia and god of colour.” The bird, Ho-oh said back.

    “Umm, two things… How the f-uck, unless you’re adopted, do a killer whale and a f-ucking lizard give birth to birds, and two, you’re related to Dame Lugia? That b-itch stole one of my potential jobs! Now I’ve got a shitty job at Wal-mart and I have to wait until they reveal my types and some attacks before I’m useful in this story!” Xerneas replied.

    “Yup, she’s a b-itch.” Ho-oh replied.

    “Wanna team up on her? I’m going to Temporal Hill. Silver Seas is on the way.”

    “Temporal Hill? The home of Dialga?”

    “Yup, pretty much, I’m gonna get him to fast forward time to October, I want to know if I’m in Ubers or not, or If more people pick X version than Y or If I’m better competitively!” Xerneas declared.

    “Is Nyan Raikou a meme! Of course I will, I need to know If I get something else to get rid of that f-ucking a-sshole Stealth Rock, Well, my Hidden Ability Regenerator was nice but required switching!” Ho-oh declared back.

    “But first, we’ll need some tacos! Lots and lots and lots and lots! And maybe some Coke too. But not the drug, I mean the cola ” Xerneas explained.

    “I’ve got some awesome possum tacos left from my trip to Mexico yesterday!” Ho-oh pulled out a bag from hammer space, took out a taco, put the bag back to nowhere, and then shoved it into his mouth.

    At that moment, a huge double rainbow exploded out of Ho-oh’s a-ss or tail or whatever the f-ucking hell it is.

    “Double ar-se rainbow! It’s so intense!” Xerneas said in awe.

    “Sorry, Mexican food makes me gassy!” Ho-oh said, embarrassed.
    __________________________________________________ ___________

    Y was facing his new companion, who’d literally he just bumped into. He recognised it from high school, and once he randomly told it about a bit of his plan it asked if they could hang.

    (Y isn’t the sharpest tool in the drawer!)

    Y then took to the skies, hell bent on finding Xerneas. His companion followed.

    “Yvetal, Any chance that we can kill that as-shole and your nemesis on the way to talk to Jirati… I mean Giratina? Its lair at is only a few hundred miles away from the Distortion World portal.” Yvetal’s mysterious companion yearned.

    “Ok, he’ll be like a secret boss! That n00b will die!” Yvetal replied.

    “Why are we even going to talk to Giratina?”

    “Actually, we’re gonna kill him. There have been rumours that I’ll be part fighting so I want that dick out of my way!” Yvetal explained.
    __________________________________________________ ___________

    It swam through limbo. It was unaware if it was aquatic or if it lived on land or soared through skies.

    It couldn’t remember its name, or why it was in this hell hole. He could only remember little. Xerneas and Yvetal. Xerneas was a beautiful girl and it and Yvetal were very good friends. But then something happened.

    It couldn’t remember, but now he felt as if he wanted to kill both. He didn’t know why, he just wanted to. But it wanted to kill another.

    “You want to destroy all three. Xerneas, Yvetal and Palkia. They betrayed you. Know they’ll pay.” A voice inside his head commanded.

    “Yes master!” It replied.



    Hey guys, some bittersweet news! I'm scrapping Pokemon school version for this. I'm sorry, I just like this better, and It suits my writing style better.

    Anyway, before I get complained at, I'm gonna explain some things.

    Legends are aware of our world, and Arceus gets news from this world. Legends gain power as things are revelad about them.

    And of you didn't gather it, Xerneas used Toxic and Protect, two moves nearly all Pokemon can learn, so I'm just assuming.

    I'm not gonna reveal what "It" is, so don't ask.

    Edit: Sorry for all the censors, I've put a - between the first and second letter of each swears so they'll show up. Chances are of you see a - in a strange place it'll be to counter censoring, not part of the speach.
    Last edited by MidnightFennekin; 11th February 2013 at 12:42 PM. Reason: D-A-M-N CENSORING! 11/02/12 (11 feb 2013 in British) And an Update!!!

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