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Thread: What are some great ways to **** with telemarketers?

  1. #1

    Default What are some great ways to **** with telemarketers?

    - Repeat everything they say
    - Tell them about your fake depressing life
    - Name some more

  2. #2
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    Say you already got the service from their competitor.

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    Say the person they called for is dead.
    Or if they ask about windows say that they called a cell phone and your cardboard box has none!

  4. #4
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    Simply hang up instead of thinking of ways to mess with people who are required to read from that stupid script and probably hate their job?
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    Pretend you're going through labour

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    Soundboards. 10charlimit
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    if this thread is just going to turn in to a bunch of oneword10char posts it is going to get closed pretty quick, try to actually be interesting ok
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  8. #8
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    Pretend to be a telemarketer in return.

    If you have enough time in your daily life to screw with people who have probably one of the most widely loathed jobs there currently is outside of congressman, surely you can figure out a way to make this work.
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    Answer in a foreign language.
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    That one I could probably do...if a telemarketer from the US decides to call me at home in France...but I doubt it...XD
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    Start singing. (I actually did that once.)
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  12. #12
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    Ah telemarketers. Unless they really are complete ***holes, they probably hate their job. So when one calls me, I try to be nice to them above all else. I know this wasn't with a telemarketer, but just a couple of days ago some members of some religious group came up to me with one of those mini-bibles and wanted to give me one and tell me about some crazy belief of theirs. So in response, I told them I already had one of those mini-bible-thingies, and that I found it "enlightening" and tied in some of my own wisdom with whatever belief they were preaching. They seemed really happy when I said goodbye to them.

    So a strategy like this might work for telemarketers as well. Alternatively, you might try being silly about it. Maybe sound like an automated message and say something along the lines of "The number you have reached has been disconnected. Please contact (name of phone company) for further assistance." And just keep repeating this.

    Or if you really do want to weird the telemarketer out, pretend to flirt with the caller.
    Last edited by Kiruria; 21st February 2013 at 10:01 AM.

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    Ask them really odd questions that are related to the thing they're selling. Yes, oh your selling internet? Okay continue. Oh, good download rates and streaming? Well then, how long would it take me to download some porn? 5 minutes? Great.

    They never called again. XD
    BLAH

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingoftheyellowpeople View Post
    - Repeat everything they say
    - Tell them about your fake depressing life
    - Name some more
    I know a good one is to let them ramble on with their 5 minute spiel and then, only then, after they have finished, say that you are not interested.

    My Dad has played this one before;
    1- Answer the phone.
    2- Place handset down gently.
    3- Walk away for a good 10 minutes.
    4- Pick up handset. (They've likely to have hung up long ago)
    5- Win Win.


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    Don't answer when they phone you.

  16. #16
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    Hang up?

    I don't have time to **** around with telemarketers. Sorry.

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    If you can do a decent impression of Liam Neeson just repeat what he says during the phone scene in Taken, I do this a lot. Or you can just prolong the conversation until you "decide" the product isn't for you.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hejiru View Post
    Simply hang up instead of thinking of ways to mess with people who are required to read from that stupid script and probably hate their job?
    This is precisely why I like to think of ways to make them laugh or weird them out at most, rather than frustrate or humiliate them. I've never actually done any of these, but here are a couple I've thought of doing:

    1. Pretend you're from a different time period or a fantasy world or something. I once had a daydream about doing this where I was a faery tale princess. I would open with "Hello, if you'd kindly send a letter with your request to the Royal Postman and tell them Princess Millicent sent you, I'd be much obliged." I'd then pretend to be said postman, and, after joking about having never heard of the contraption of which they speak, telling them that they may have inquired about a vision the princess has seen in the magic mirror, but that the caller must hurry in providing a solution before the princess falls victim to the evil sorcerer's curse. In the daydream, the caller laughed and hung up, needless to say.

    2. If you know a foreign language, speak entirely in that language and try to convince the caller that you don't know any English. Although be sure it's a language they probably don't know--i.e. if the caller sounds Indian, don't speak Hindi or Punjabi. French and Spanish are probably not good ideas no matter who the caller is, since those languages are pretty commonly known.

    3. Make baby sounds the entire time, and try to eat the phone as well.

    4. Act like a famous fictional character, if you can do a good impression of one. I once had a daydream about this where I pretended to be a Pikachu.

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