Just woah. I did not see that sudden twist coming. The chapter's great, with quite a bit character development. Still have the capitalization problem, but you can fix that...
Last edited by Colt45; 4th March 2013 at 8:06 AM.
I can smell u
Also, to my readers in general, I planned to have a new chapter out earlier today, but obviously that's not gonna happen because this chapter is turning out to be really long, by far my longest yet. However, I think I will make good use of the length, because I have alot of big revelations and moments in store. Stay tuned!
I can smell u
I started reading this a week or so ago, felt vaguely interested, forgot about it - and now I finally got around to reading the rest of this. And I'm glad I took the time to read this, because it's pretty good for a first-timer. But I can spot some problems (a few minor, a few major) which pop up in every chapter like acne: it's horribly annoying, but it can be fixed.
Firstly, spelling. It's Chikorita, not Chickorita. Acquiesce, not aqcuiesce. And those are just two of numerous I've found here and there. I believe somewhere you mentioned an Electvier or some such thing? Anyway, this can be easily fixed by running each chapter through MS Word or a similar word processor. And if these problems persist, I recommend getting a beta reader. They will be able to help you with grammar as well, which is one thing that word processors suck at correcting. In a few places, you have things like this:
This is technically OK, but it's not a very good way to put stuff across. Aesthetically speaking, it looks bad. The way most people do it - the 'right' way - is like so:Then, suddenly, he burst into a roar of laughter, “that’s some funny stuff there, good prank,” he said to a confused crowd.
Instances like this pop up in various places. Here's another example:Then, suddenly, he burst into a roar of laughter. “That’s some funny stuff there, good prank,” he said to a confused crowd.
This line is ... iffy, to say the least. The comma after 'horror' should be a period since it's just Electabuzz, not 'both of the women', saying the following lines. And you should probably skip to a new line so that it reads slightly better.Both of the women looked at him in horror, “are you out of your mind, there’s no way we can confront them,” Electabuzz declared exasperatedly, “we have a much better shot putting as much distance as we can between them.”
Both of the women looked at him in horror.
"Are you out of your mind? There's no way we can confront them," Electabuzz declared exasperatedly, "We have a much better shot putting as much distance as we can between them."
There are several of these errors occasionally cropping up. A good word processor or beta should be able to fix 'em all up.
The second issue I have is with your description. It's practically non-existent. If you're thinking, "I'm writing on a Pokemon forum where everyone knows what these are, so I don't need to describe them", put those thoughts out of your head right now. This might sound harsh, but it's a lesson you have to learn. Describe everything. For example, the first chapter:
You don't give us any indication of what he looks like. You could say, "A six-foot-tall yellow-furred beast would normally be a terrifying sight, but this one, rifling through the contents of a city dumpster, could hardly be classified as normal. Instead, the two-tailed monster gave the impression that it was pathetic, its red eyes flashing with desperation and then disappointment, as it pulled a banana peel out of the trash."Electivire peered through a trash can in the middle of the city streets, which was oddly, but luckily for him, deserted at this time of day.
This should last... a second he thought to himself, sighing and pulling out a single banana peel, inspecting it with a scowl on his face.
He couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for himself, he didn't exactly live in a great situation.
See? In just two sentences, you find out so much about Electivire. Obviously, you don't have to go into so much detail, but you do need some description. You can't go on as you've been doing, with no description whatsoever.
Finally, your characters are ... inconsistent. Some of them, like Mudkip, are very well characterised. Totodile, for example ... I could just imagine him being sadistic enough to beat Charmander to death. But then you have Electabuzz, who has no personality whatsoever, except caring for her ... mate? I hesitate to apply the word 'husband' to a Pokemon ...
Anyway, she's like the glass a window is made out of. It's transparent, and it's there, and there would probably be no window without it, but you think of it as a window rather than a glass. Do you get what I mean? It's a rather obtuse metaphor I employ, but I hope it fits. She's just there. She seems more like a background character, only there to emphasise the fact that Electivire is a 'mon fighting to protect his family. In fact, ask yourself this: is she absolutely vital to your plot? Do you need her for any reason? Would you have to significantly change the plot if she was altogether absent?
I'm not suggesting you edit her out now. Instead, ask yourself this about any character you create. If the answer to any of those questions is no, you can probably omit the character altogether. This is, of course, barring any small cameos you might like to include.
OK, now the bad stuff is over. If you're still with me, good. Keep writing and don't be discouraged. This is awesome for a first try! The plot is a newly skewed version of a familiar cliche, but that's not a bad thing. You can do brilliant, brilliant things with familiar plots. If you put all your effort into this fic, it could become Serebii's very own Walking Dead. Character interactions seem like one of your strong points - for example, the scene leading up to the death of Charmander was atmospheric, to say the least, and one of the highlights of the fic IMO. It was masterful, and proves that no good deed goes unpunished. Totodile seems to me amoral rather than immoral, more of a grey-leaning-towards-black character rather than a true antagonist. I'd love to see him develop into someone who has no guilt for what he's done, but at the same time showing just enough positivity that he manages to be captivating. I imagine he and Mudkip are the older ones in the group? Because I doubt a young child would really kill another just for hitting him in the head.
A word of advice: don't kill many people off too early in the story. The longer they survive, the more they develop. The audience needs to develop a bond with the characters first, so that their death elicits a truly horrified reaction. Killing characters such as Charmander, I can hand-wave that aside, because - by committing the very act of knocking out Totodile - he endeared himself to me. But - for example - killing off someone like Electabuzz in the next chapter may or may not work. It may work, because Electivire has all the more motivation to seek revenge and protect his son because of it. And it may not work, because right now, you haven't fleshed her out enough to make me care whether she dies or not.
Phew. I didn't expect to write this much. Anyway, I hope you benefit from my review. As a last note, add me to the PM list. I'd like to follow this story.
I'm quite liking the story so far. About to read chapter 3 but I'd like to added to the PM list. I'm not the best at writing reviews but I'm liking the story so far.
I have an idea for the story, cynda could evolve into a powerful Quilava or they meet one along the way and its cynda's long lost cousin who has finally found a way to defeat the zombies, or arceus
check out the quilava!
Credit goes to eeveelover824 and flower paradise graphics for these amazing userbars and the banner: click on it! and sworn metalhead
I can't wait for ch.4. I thought the legend in the beginning was either shadow lugia, arceus, or mewtwo. Also, for everyone else, don't read all the spoilers in the beginning about who is dead and stuff like that. Can I be on the PM list please?
Edit: thank you for this good story
Last edited by Quimagma; 16th March 2013 at 2:33 PM.
check out the quilava!
Credit goes to eeveelover824 and flower paradise graphics for these amazing userbars and the banner: click on it! and sworn metalhead
Edit: Check that, I'll get it out to you guys within 24 hours, you have my word.
It's going to take longer, I'm not a man of my word D: But still, it will be up within a few hours Sorry guys I know you all have been waiting so patiently.
Damn guys, it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm still working on it, but it is taking soooo long to finish. I don't really know when it's going to be out, but I won't go to bed until it's finished, unless I keel over from exhaustion first.
Nope, I need to stop. I'm going to go like completely crazy or something, and it's not going to turn out right. I need to sleep some, and I've got to get up in like 2 hours. i know you guys think it's probably never going to bed finished at this point, and I don't blame you all fo thinking that. But it will be finished eventually dammit! I keep setting deadlines and missing them, so let's just say that I'll get it out as soon as I can.
Get finished not bed finished, see what I mean guys, these kinds of stupid errors could end up in the story when I'm writing on as tired a mind as mine.
Last edited by Colt45; 19th March 2013 at 12:14 PM.
I can smell u
I can smell u
Don't kill yourself for our entertainment man, we don't care how long we have to wait just as long as we get something eVentually.
Hey guys! I'm so sorry this took so long, but this is a pretty long chapter. The ending to this chapter is pretty crazy I think, so I hope you'll stick around until then. I have to run to the dentist, but I'll fix all errors you guys point out as soon as I return. I promise it won't take this long to get chapter five out... enjoy!
Chapter Four: Of Snakes and Knives
At the end of a long path snaking through an equally long canyon stood six pokemon, looking up at the tall canyon wall looming above them, a path winding upward.
“Well that looks easier than I expected,” Bulbasaur exclaimed. “I thought there would be some kind of epic rock-climb back up.”
Umbreon smiled at him. “Shall we continue onward?”
“Of course,” said Bulbasaur.
With that they began the hike back towards Pallet Town. They had ventured until nightfall, where they sought refuge in the forest across the river, and slept there for the night. After that, they rose early in the morning, caught some fish for breakfast (not pokemon), and continued until they got to the point where they were now, at about midday.
“So, this friend of yours,” Pikachu said as they continued the climb up the steep path. “What should we expect?”
Umbreon sighed. “You never know what to expect with this fellow. They say he’s lived a thousand years, and with that much life experience, he’s likely acquired all kinds of different mannerisms.”
“But didn’t you say you knew him?” Squirtle asked.
“I know him as well as anyone could hope to know such a person, which is to say, not much at all.”
And with that, they continued on in silence until they finally reached the top of the canyon, when Umbreon turned around to address them all. “It would be wise to let me do the talking,” he proclaimed.
They all agreed, so he continued on with them closely behind. After they had traveled a good mile, Pallet Town started to come into view, unfortunately, that came with a view of something else: the beasts.
“Use the trees to your advantage,” Umbreon whispered at them, taking cover behind a tree in the middle of a large field populated with them.
They all obeyed, ducking behind trees, monsters roaming as close as a few feet away from some of them. Squirtle, one of the pokemon with a monster in close range, could hear the raspy growl emitting from the demon’s throat, so he withdrew into his shell, praying the beast wouldn’t notice him despite the close proximity.
However, he had false hope, for after a short while he felt himself being picked up, hearing a growl increase in volume. He knew if he used an attack, it could attract all the beasts in the field, so he remained still, willing to sacrifice himself so as not to put his friends in danger. However, he soon dropped to the ground, hearing the monster shriek; Bulbasaur had whipped him with his vines as soon as he witnessed Squirtle’s capture, forcing the beast to the leaf-infested ground.
He was not pleased with this, rising to his feet and starting towards Bulbasaur, growling. However, Umbreon took that moment to tackle the beast back to the ground, twisting his head around with his mouth, causing his neck to snap. With that, Umbreon gracefully laid the former human’s body on the ground.
“Rest in peace, for you are the victim,” he whispered in a mournful tone.
With that, he nodded his head, urging everyone forward. The other beasts had miraculously not noticed all the commotion, merely continuing to stumble around while the pokemon were assaulting their ally.
Squirtle gave Bulbasaur a nod of gratitude before following Umbreon with the others. Suddenly, a rustling noise was heard above them. They all looked up, Tepig letting out a small screech. Treecko, who had been traveling through the trees, emerged from the branches above, hanging on with one hand, and frantically motioning for Tepig to shush with the other. It was too late; a monster began to stumble over in their direction at the noise.
“Into the trees!” Umbreon roared, daring to shout since more monsters had already begun to flood their area, leaping onto a branch in one graceful bound.
The rest of the pokemon struggled more than Umbreon. Bulbasaur quickly curled one of his vines around a tree branch, and took Tepig in the other. Then he pulled himself up, his vines acting like a pulley, Pikachu and Squirtle hanging on to him, who barely missed the outstretched arm of the monsters before reaching the top where Treecko helped them onto a branch.
“It just keeps getting harder, doesn’t it,” Tepig sighed.
“Do not lose hope, young ones,” Umbreon called a couple trees away. “Follow me to the rooftops.”
Indeed, if they continued hopping from tree to tree, they would eventually reach a tree that was close enough to the roof of a house to make a dangerous looking jump.
“We’re coming,” yelled Treecko, who had rolled his eyes at Umbreon’s mention of, “young ones,” then he took off down the tree branch and lunged to the next one with no problem, continuing to do so until the rest saw him catch up with Umbreon.
“Well,” said Pikachu. “We better catch up with them.”
“Maybe you guys,” Tepig sighed. “But do I look like I can jump?”
“And I’m not exactly an Olympic hurdler myself,” Squirtle chimed in.
“Relax,” Bulbasaur said. “Hold on to me, I’ll use my vines.”
“So we’re gonna Tarzan it, huh?” Squirtle asked.
Bulbasuar didn’t answer his last question, focusing his attention on extending his vines to the tree next to them, wrapping them around a high-up branch. “Pikachu, can you jump?” Bulbasaur asked, concernedly.
“I think so,” came the answer. Everyone watched as Pikachu climbed a little further up the bark, then pushed off hard with his legs, over the crazed humans’ heads, and onto a branch further down, where he landed on his torso, then slid off, holding on with his hands and hoisting himself back up. “I’m good,” he called back.
With that, Bulbasaur grabbed Tepig with a vine, and Squirtle grabbed onto his body, then they swung across to the next branch, Pikachu catching Bubasaur’s ear as he lost his foothold and began to tumble backwards.
“Not the ear!” Bulbasaur groaned as they took a secure position on the tree.
They all looked out, down towards the house they were aiming for. They still had a long way to go.
However, several minutes later, in which they had swung from tree to tree about twenty times, the starving beasts always at their heels, they came to the final tree, where Treecko and Umbreon were waiting for them across the gorge.
“Jump for it, I’ll catch you if anything goes wrong,” Treecko encouraged.
With that, Pikachu hurried and vaulted to the other side with relative ease. “Come on guys, it’s easy!” He called back.
So, Bulbasuar, with no room for backing up to create momentum with, took a deep breath, glanced down at the consequences of failure below, and took a mighty leap, landing on the slanting surface, and securing himself with help from Treecko.
After that, Bulbasaur reached out for Squirtle and Tepig, pulling them in, then perching on the roof.
Umbreon smiled at everyone’s success. “Now, we must seek cover until the crowd has dispersed.”
They all agreed, so they hustled over, taking positions behind windows, and sitting there for 10 minutes of complete silence.
After the ten minutes, Umbreon eased out of his position, and peered over the edge of the roof. He was greeted with the welcome sight of monsters stumbling around everywhere, having forgotten about their previous attempts at Lunch.
Umbreon blew a sigh of relief. “We shall press onward,” he declared, hiking up to where the others were. “They are of no threat to us now.”
Everyone was overjoyed at the newfound safety. Tepig nearly shouted in joy, but Treecko put a hand to his mouth, glaring at him.
“Sorry,” Tepig apologized.
With that, they traveled to the edge of the roof facing the other side, the side with the road, in which they were headed. Bulbasaur lowered them all gently to the ground one by one, then attached his vines to the chimney and lowered himself, untangling the vines once he reached the bottom.
“Shall we proceed?” Umbreon asked to the crowd at large.
They all agreed, so they continued through the town, sticking to the sides of houses, and always peering out from behind them to check for monsters. They continued this process with no incidents until they made it out of town.
“Wait, hold on, didn’t you say your friend was inside the town,” Treecko asked.
“I did indeed young reptile, however, the boundaries of the town reach well beyond just the buildings and pathways,” came Umbreon’s answer.
No one thought it necessary to argue, so they continued on, noticing that they were going along the edge of the canyon which they had dove into just yesterday. Eventually, once they had walked a good twenty minutes, they came to a little drop that ran deep into the ground, but was still a good hundred feet above the bottom of the canyon. They slid down the fairly steep wall, then Squirtle and Pikachu both went over to the edge and peered down at the bottom of the canyon.
“Why didn’t you just lead us through the canyon, and have us try to climb up here rather than have us hike all the way through the canyon and back through Pallet Town,” they asked, exasperatedly.
“My dear fellows, there is no way up except for the one I showed you, we would be doing even more backtracking had we come all the way down here, the walls are completely un-climbable.”
With that, Umbreon directed his attention to a hole in the wall, motioning for the other pokemon to follow him as he stepped through, into the cave.
They stepped through the narrow hole, and were immediately greeted with a sharp plummet of the temperature, feeling as though it were below freezing compared to the rather humid weather outside.
“Arceus, it’s cold,” muttered Tepig, teeth chattering.
“Shouldn’t you be resistant to such things as coldness?” asked Treecko.
Tepig gave no answer, so they continued on in silence until they came across a winding staircase that appeared to be made out of solid rock descending down into the darkness, to the point of where they couldn’t follow it any longer.
“Let me go first,” Umbreon ordered, beginning his descent down the long, dark, winding path. After Umbreon had walked a few paces downward, he motioned for the rest to follow him, and so they did.
The journey downward was most unpleasant. No one could see a thing, so they kept bumping into each other, with many grunts and swear words exchanged amongst each other whilst rubbing heads. It was also as eerie as can be, as the only noise that could be heard, aside from the hushed complaints of the group, was the gradual drip of the water rolling off the tall ceiling and erupting on the cavern floor.
They had been going on like this for a good five minutes, before they felt the floor begin to expand out drastically, signaling they had reached the bottom.
“Are we almost through this? This place is as creepy as all hell,” Squirtle whispered to Umbreon. No one knew why they felt the need to whisper, but it was as though the very dungeon itself was daring them to speak aloud, holding them at gunpoint.
“Not quite, we have a good ways to go,” came the answer that initiated a good number of groans.
They continued on through the cold, long, and dark cave for nearly thirty more minutes, until, finally, Umbreon motioned for them to stop. At this point their eyes had become somewhat adjusted to the dark, so they could see that they were standing near a thin, rock bridge stretching out over what looked like a bottomless hole. "Be very careful,” Umbreon warned, before turning his attention to the wall nearby.
After a solid minute, it dawned on them that Umbreon was doing nothing but stare at the wall, perched on his hind legs.
“This guy’s lost it,” Treecko muttered to Bulbasaur.
“He’s gotten us this far,” Bulbasaur whispered back.
“And where is this far exactly?” Treecko challenged. “We’re in the middle of a cavern, it’s as dark as outer space, and all this for seemingly no rea-
At that moment, a loud vibration seized the eerie quietness that had been gripping the air, which all the other Pokémon had felt other than Bulbasaur and Treecko. They all leaped backwards in fright, except for Umbreon, who remained completely still and quiet, staring at the same wall, which was the source of all the noise, having begun to split in half and raise itself to the ceiling. After the two large rock-pieces met the top with a bang, Umbreon turned to the other Pokémon, who were looking on in shock. “He’s in here. Remember, do not speak a word. I shall handle it, do not speak.” With that, he strode inside the opening the wall had exposed, the rest reluctantly, and ever-so-cautiously following suite.
They emerged into what was a truly spectacular room. It was completely wreathed in the shiniest sort of gems you can imagine; gold, silver, crystal, and the sparkling walls reached out well above their heads, standing at perhaps a thousand feet high. Width wise, the room was about five-hundred feet in a circular shape. At the farthest end of the room from where they were, there stood a majestic waterfall, spilling out of the roof of the cavern, and landing in a small pool of water. It was mysteriously quiet, and they had not heard it at all before then.
They had not much time to admire the view, for before long, an angry voice spoke out into the dark. “Who dares enter my domain?” growled the deep, rumbling voice that shook the earth, sounding as though it were coming from beneath the ground.
“One that has served you well!” Umbreon shouted back.
At that, the ground beneath them began to vibrate, increasingly more intense with each passing second, until, finally, a huge, grey, shiny face burst through the ground, forcing everyone except Umbreon to the hard, cavern floor from the impact. The face was revealed to be much more than a face, as a large chain of shiny metal attached to the face kept ascending from the ground until the creature before them stood at over thirty feet tall.
Umbreon took a bow before the creature. “Oh mightiest of all serpents, king of the underworld, I seek council with thee, please accept it with your willing servants.”
In response, Steelix pointed his head at the heavens and let out a roar, then glared down upon Umbreon and the poor, shivering starter pokemon. “And why should I help you, small cat? Word is you’ve been banished from your own kingdom.”
Umbreon rose to his feet, looking up at Steelix with the calmest of expressions, a stark contrast to the rest of the pokemon, who were trembling in fear, Tepig having even tried to sneak off at one point, if it wasn’t for Bulbasaur’s vines, he would have succeeded, and who knows how the snake would have reacted.
“That is neither here nor there,” Umbreon responded. “I have come to speak with you about other matters, quite important.”
At this, Steelix bowed his head, looking, and speaking, mournfully. “The plague,” he finally offered after a long silence.
“Aye,” Umbreon answered in a much more quiet voice, changing his tone to reflect Steelix’s.
Steelix glared at him, his old swagger returning. “And, pray tell me, what could I possibly know of this?”
Umbreon tilted his head for a moment, as if pondering what to say next. “I’ve heard there’s a possible remedy for this disease… one you may know of.”
Steelix intently looked at the pokemon for a moment, then stooped down to where his head was even with Umbreon’s, causing the cavern to sake as he moved around. “There is… a single herb, one that is prophesied to cure the mightiest of infections, the deadliest of plagues, but it is not worth the price you would have to pay to acquire it. It is protected by many deadly traps, and loyal guards, who believe the plant to be sacred.
"Tell me Umbreon. Are you willing to risk your own life, no, are you willing to most assuredly lose your own life over a simple leaf that you don’t even know could work?”
Umbreon backed away for some space. “You have not been to the outside since the outbreak. You do not know the horrors I have known. These beasts will stop at nothing to destroy every last living organism, and they are well armed to do so. Not only do they outnumber every last survivor out there, but they are reinforced by what we believe to be Arceus himself, and the rest of the Legendary Guild. It may be a bleak hope, this herb, but what other hope do we have? If these demons are not stopped, they will claim every last crevice upon earth, they will inherit every last dungeon of the deepest parts of the underworld. They will drive out every village, feast upon every last pokemon there is. No one knows why our own god would do such a thing. Frankly, that is least of our concerns right now. What we do know is this: no one will be safe, no one will escape… not even you, my lord. If you think these walls will keep you safe, I should like to see you attempt to repel the horde of thousands of demons once they show up with Arceus himself at your doorstep. ”
Steelix returned to his position thirty feet above everyone else, and let out a moan. “Why would you come to me? Clearly, you are well set upon carrying out this deed you propose. What need is there to seek council with me over this matter?”
“You already know,” Umbreon firmly inquired, clearly implying that Steelix was avoiding something.
After a few seconds, Steelix, renewing the earth-shattering vibrations that typically occurred when he was active, slithered over to the far end of the hall, sticking his head into the waterfall. After a few seconds in which Steelix shifted his head around inside the tumbling liquid, his face reemerged with a golden object held in his mouth. He slithered back over to where Umbreon stood, dropping the object he had taken from the waterfall at Umbreon’s feet.
“Had you not saved my life, you would never have been bestowed such a gift,” Steelix whined, turning his head away, trying to forget about the precious gem he had given away.
Umbreon picked it up with his mouth, and put it into a pouch that could have been mistaken for fur under his neck, then turned to walk out the large opening. “I will put it to the best use possible, and you shall have it back one day. You have my word.”
Steelix glared down at Umbreon again, as the starters hurried to get out the door behind him. “Keep it. You will be but rotten meat before we can meet again.”
Electivire and Magmortar stood resting on trees, facing their families with tears running down everyone’s cheeks, with all in the group overjoyed at the disposal of the monsters, but especially at the safety of Electivire and Magmortar.
But after many tears were spilt, and many hugs were made, they knew it was time to press on. The moon was well in the sky, and they had absolutely no source of food and water.
So on they pressed, tearing through the forest which they had found near the gas station, harvesting everything they could find. Ponds, berries, squirrels, everything had been ransacked in that area, for there were 6 very needy Pokémon adventuring through the forest, in search of nothing in particular. After a few hours, they decided it was best if they bunkered down for the night, using Magmortar’s flamethrower to ignite a fire which they roasted the squirrel they had captured on. During the night, none of the adults slept, though Elekid and Magby slept like rocks, discussing the current, dreadful situation, and taking watch over the camp well into the night.
When morning came, they continued much the same way, collecting everything they could from the trees and ponds. Once they even had a run-in with a single beast, which Electivire disposed of by smashing it’s head with a rock. That night went much the same way as the one before it had, then, in the morning, they traveled on again, searching for something to keep them motivated, but finding nothing, and falling into despair over their situation again.
“I… I mean, where on earth did those things even come from, and why are they after us?” An exasperated, teary-eyed Electabuzz asked as they walked along a forest path.
“I don’t know,” Electivire answered, putting his hand on her shoulder. “But the best thing we can do is press on, there’s no telling what those things are, or where they came from, but sitting around, feeling sorry for ourselves isn’t going to help anything. We need to toughen up and work through this just as we always have. Our lives before the attack weren’t that much different than they are now-
“Oh, there you go again!” Electabuzz wailed, “Before this, we had perfectly good shelter, before this we had a steady resource where we could find food from, before this, we had plenty of water, before this we didn’t have monsters trying to eat us alive! Of course our lives were better than they found are now, what on earth could you possibly be-"
“NO! You need to listen to what I’m-"
“Yes I know, I’m just trying to hel-"
“Trying to help? Trying to help? Well why don’t you stop trying and start actually doing-"
“I am doing something, what do you think we’ve been doing all this time? We’ve found plenty-"
“We haven’t found sh-"
“STOP!” yelled an exasperated Elekid. “Why won’t you guys ever stop fighting?” At that, he went over to a nearby rock, plopped down onto it, and buried his face into his hands.
Electivire and Electabuzz exchanged glances of sorrow, while Magmortar, Magmar, and Magby awkwardly looked on at all this. Electivire sighed, and ventured over the where his son sat, kneeling beside him and putting a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, mom and me didn’t mean to fight,” Electivire comforted.
“Yes y’all did,” Elekid glared at him, lifting his face from his hands. “You guys always fight, even before all this happened. I’m sick of it.” With that, he got up, and proceeded down the path ahead of the rest of them.
“Elekid, wait,” Electabuzz called after him, hurrying off in his direction.
Magmortar, and his family followed after them. But Electivire stood staring off into space for a few seconds, deep in thought.
“You comin’?” Magmortar called after him.
“Yeah,” said Electivire, snapping out of it. He hurried to catch up with Magmortar. Onward they continued to walk in silence, Electabuzz and Elekid lurking a few meters ahead of them, walking in silence as well after Elekid had shunned her words of comfort.
“Is it true, do we really fight a lot?” Electivire turned to Magmortar after a while.
Magmortar let out a sigh, before turning to Electivire, and whispering. “I thought you would have realized. I’m sorry man, but yeah you do.”
Electivire nodded his head in shame. It dawned upon him that they did always fight, and he hadn’t even realized it. How much had their selfish quarreling affected their son and their friends? He didn’t have much time to think about it, however, because there soon came a loud, snapping of twigs sound from the thick to their left.
“Oh no!” Electivire called out, staring at the place where it had come from. “Get to cover, quickly.” He ordered, but it was needless, as everyone was already scrambling towards the opposite side of where the sound came from, ducking behind bushes and logs.
Electivire himself turned to flee, but suddenly he felt a sharp pain across his back, and his legs came out from under him, sending him face-planting into the ground.
“What the hell are you, and what the hell do you want?” A harsh voice that sounded like it could have been used well in the military asked.
Electivire wheeled around to a sight of four Pokémon emerging from the trees: on the rightmost side, stood a tall, green lizard with a calm expression on his face that was a stark contrast to the pokemon that had yelled. He had two long, sharp leaves sticking out of each of his elbows, and a large tail that consisted of many leaves of a different shade of green than the rest of him. Next to him, on the left, there was a much smaller, weasel-looking pokemon. This pokemon was dark blue in color. He had two sharp claws on both his hands, and his feet, and a tail that looked like three feathers stuck out at his back. To the left of him was a similar looking pokemon, but he was about a foot taller, had three claws instead of two, and carried some sort of crown resting upon his head. That pokemon was the one that had spoken. Finally, next to him, on the left, was a figure of about equal height to the one that had spoken. He resembled a bipedal dog, with large ears sticking up, a metal spike rested on each of his hands, and another one protruding from his chest. His body was coated with three colors: blue, yellow, and black.
“Where the hell are you going?” Repeated the Weavile. With that, he started towards him, but Sceptile held him back.
“He’s just passing through, what harm could come of it?”
Obviously, Sceptile had spoken too soon, because soon Magmortar came bursting back from the shrubbery, pointing his arm cannons at the new intruders, with Elekid standing beside him, looking at the new pokemon without the slightest hint of fear.
“Get back,” Electivire muttered to him, while Magmortar declared: “You fellas had best go back to where you came from, or it ain’t gonna be pretty for you,” he started to inch towards them.
Sceptile thrust his arms into the air in a surrendering motion, putting his right hand in front of the others, and pushing them backwards, whilst maintaining his left hand in the air. “We don’t want any trouble, guys.” He reasoned. “We were just looking for supplies for our group.”
“Group?” Electivire spoke up, motioning Magmortar to lower his arms. “What group?”
You idiot Electivire noticed Weavile mouth to Sceptile. “There is no group besides ourselves, now you fellows had better start heading the other way, or there’s gonna be trouble.” Weavile said to them.
“What he means to say,” Sceptile went on, ignoring Weavile as he had to be tackled to the ground by Lucario as he launched a shadow claw towards Sceptile’s face. “Is that we have a much larger group back into the woods a bit. We’re set up in a large clearing, and we were just splitting off into smaller groups to look for usable supplies. You all would be more than welcome to join us.”
“We- can’t- trust- them!” Weavile groaned, trying to break free from Lucario’s firm hold on him from the ground.
“What could they possibly be up to? They’re just like us, trying to make their way in this very odd, truly frightening situation. Their trainers probably turned on them like ours did.” Sceptile lectured Weavile incredulously, as Magmar, Magby, and Electabuzz emerged from the trees as well. “And they obviously have young ones they need to take care of.”
Weavile merely continued to wriggle around and struggle, as everyone else in the area watched his failing attempts at setting himself free.
Lucario, becoming bored with the situation, took Weavile’s head, and slammed it into the ground, causing him to pass out, and be still. “He should be more agreeable now,” Lucario said, getting to his feet.
Sneasel stared down at his brother. “***** deserved it,” he chuckled. “Welcome to the group guys. Sorry, my brother’s highly paranoid.”
They all exchanged thank-yous and your-welcomes, for Electivire and company were all very eager to join into a much larger group, as they figured it could only be safer.
“We’ll go on our run later,” declared Sceptile. “Let’s show our new friends to where they’ll be staying,” with that, Sceptile beckoned for all to follow, as he disspeared into the deep of the woods, Lucario picking up Weavile, and following after him with Sneasel. Electivire and Magmortar exchanged excited looks, then motioned for their families to follow them as they trudged off after Sceptile. It looked like they had found safety.
Totodile inspected the knife in his grip, turning it over in his hands. “This should do well,” he grinned to himself, letting his arm fall limp onto his side with the knife he found resting in his right one.
He had raided the nearest house after the murder of Charmander, going through everything to try to find the perfect knife to use for his next 'project'. They left me with no choice. Totodile thought to himself. It's a shame, but they have obviously brought their deaths upon themselves.
He turned towards the door, wrenching it open, and stepping out into the street, then turning to face the direction of the house where he was going. A plan was gradually forming in his mind. After he was satisfied that it would work, he smiled to himself, and took off towards the house.
“Come on, you’ve got to tell us what this thing is for,” Squirtle said to Umbreon for the umpteenth time, as he and the rest of the group strolled down the dirt path, back towards Pallet Town where they were ready to meet their friends.
Umbreon once again turned towards them, remarkably patiently, and said, “I am sorry, but there is no need to understand such a thing at this point. In time, I assure you, you will know.”
“Why are you like this?” Treecko asked, rolling his eyes. “Is there anything you’re willing to tell us? You won’t tell us why you were banished, you won’t tell us what this tiny little stone does. Is there any reason for this secrecy, or to you just like messing with us for no reason?”
“You can trust me, my friend. My deepest apologies that I am not able to convey you much information as it is now, but rest assured you will know. However, that time is certainly not now, as I have an errand to run right now, and will be needing to leave you people here.”
“What?” asked Bulbasaur, shocked. “I thought you were supposed to help us look for our friends!”
“I am truly sorry, but I did lead you out of the canyon, did I not? And I saved you from the horde of monsters that had you cornered, did I not? Listen, I have to go meet with another acquaintance. He will know the best way to go about using this gem, and I have to get it done with all haste. Meet me in Pewter City in five days precisely, and we shall travel to the northern kingdoms together, the land where the sacred herb grows. Unless, of course, you’d rather not.”
They all agreed that it would be best if they traveled with him, so, knowing he had to handle the issue with his other friends as quickly as possible, they agreed that they would meet him in Pewter City in five days time. Satisfied, Umbreon took exchanged goodbyes, then darted off into the distance, disappearing off into the horizon, never slowing his pace.
“Well, we had better find the others then,” Bulbasaur finally declared.
“Yes, of course,” Squirtle and Pikachu both said, , with tsohat, they crept into the edge of the town that they, with any luck, would soon be safely leaving with everyone else.
The town was quite large, filled with the ends of all sorts of houses, shops, even a train station. They knew to keep off the road, so they decided to weave their way in and out of houses, going around the perimeter of the town, before cutting into the middle.
It was eerily quiet as they began their search of the first house, coming out with no luck. Not even the birds were chirping, as they usually were at this time of day. The stillness was not necessarily a bad thing, however, as it meant there were no demons they had to deal with, but there was something that felt off about it.
No one spoke a word either, communicating mostly with body language, not daring to mix noise into the silent air, fearing they would attract the deadly demons. After a few houses though, they began to hear the growls of the beasts, which began to grow steadily in volume.
Soon, the noise became as loud as a train, and even worse, suddenly two small figures about their size appeared between the same two houses they were in between, with a huge crowd of monsters in tow.
“GUYS!” Piplup cried out, who was with Cyndaquil in front of the herd. “RUN!”
They didn’t need to be told a second time. All five of them spun around, and took off in the direction Piplup and Cyndaquil were running in, allowing them to catch up despite the closer proximity of monsters that entailed.
“I hoped we would meet under better circumstances,” Bulbasaur panted to Piplup. “Are the others ok?”
“Chimchar didn’t make it,” Piplup cried out, allowing that to sink in for a little bit. “But everyone else is safe back at a house we are bunking in. But we can’t lead them back to where the others are. It’s far too dangerous for them.”
“Of course not, we will find a way to lose them,” Squirtle encouraged.
Piplup smiled in spite of the situation. “I’m so glad to see you guys made it back. I knew y’all were alive.”
There was no time to answer, although everyone was happy to see everyone else, but there was, at the moment, the more pressing fact that they had just reached an alleyway, and it looked as though a dead end loomed ahead. They all gave a burst of speed, then looked back at the horde following them. There was no way out, it was the end.
“Stand and fight!” Yelled Treecko, firing off a bullet seed.
Several pokemon fired off an attack, except Tepig, who sunk to the ground, just giving up. For good reason too; the attacks were pushing them back, but they were still gaining momentum, and were soon going to be upon them.
That’s when it happened. Cyndauil, not saying a word, stepped out in front of the rest of the group, showing no sign of panic, and looking the herd straight in the eye, a vengeful look gripping his face. He growled at the horde, a motion which they returned, stretching out their arms as they drew ever nearer. Suddenly, an orange aura presented itself around the edge of Cyndaquil’s body, and the flames on his back burst into life with a mighty roar. Then, Cyndauil gave a battle cry, and released a tsunami of flames from his mouth, such as no one in the group had ever seen from the strongest Pokémon before. The almighty waves of fire consumed the horde, completely vaporizing several right on the spot, and tossing the rest well into the air, when they collided with the ground, several of their arms and legs came off, and none of them were able to return to their feet. They just rolled around on the ground, moaning rather than growling at that point.
With that tremendous display of power, Cyndaquil collapsed to the ground, fainting from the pure exhaustion of his effort.
Everyone stared after him in utter shock.
“What- the hell- did I just see?” Treecko asked.
“That, my friend, was Blaze,” Bulbasaur explained. “But much more powerful than any other Blaze I’ve ever seen.”
“That was amazing,” Squirtle told to the limp body of Cyndaquil, patting him on the back. “Wait ‘til Totodile hears about this.”
“Speaking of,” Piplup piped up. “Totodile has seized complete control of us. It’s a little absurd to be honest.”
“Nothing we can’t handle, I’m sure,” said Bulbasaur confidently.
“That’s what I hoped you would say,” said Piplup, joyfully. “We should get back to the house now. Cyndauil deserves a nice long rest, and travel will be much easier now that these bastards are toast.”
“Absolutely,” Bulbasaur agreed, gently picking up Cyndaquil with his vines, and placing him on this bulb with his vines still securing him. With that, they all stepped around the demons that were still frying on the ground, dodging the occasional weak attempt from a monster that still had arms to grab them.
Once they reached the end of the alley, they took off towards the camp, in much better spirits then they were just a minute ago. “It will be much easier from here,” Pikachu happily declared.
“Damn, they’re taking a while again,” Mudkip sighed, directing his voice at Turtwig.
“Yeah, I figure it’s about time to go after them,” Turtwig answered.
“Now, now,” Snivy exclaimed. “Your leg is in no condition to take you off on such a journey. It’d be better if I go.”
“That’s very kind of you,” Turtwig began, offering a smile. "But you should stay here, and look after Oshawott and Torchic as me and Mudkip go off. I’m sure my leg will hold up, besides, I have my Razor Leaf. All you have is physical moves.”
“I really wouldn’t feel comfortable risking your life,” Mudkip spoke up.
“You guys are all so kind for volunteering to go with us, but people keep doing just that, and they end up getting hurt. First, Chimchar, Piplup, and Cyndaquil left, and we haven’t seen them in what? Forty minutes? Now, Totodile and Charmander are gone too, and I’d rather no one else risk themselves over something I should have done in the first place,” Turtwig followed up with.
“Ok, then,” Snivy answered. “Good luck you guys.”
Mudkip nodded “You ready?” He asked, turning to Turtwig.
“Ready if you are,” Turtwig said in response.
“Remember,” Oshawott said, standing up from where he had been sitting. “If anything happens to you guys, know that we love both of you for standing up to Totodile. We will forever hold you two close. Best of luck.”
Turtwig smiled. “It was nothing, you are way overstating it,” Mudkip nodded in agreement.
“Oh, but I’m not. I’m way understating it. Look, no one else had the guts to stand up to him. He’s proven to be dangerous and powerful before, but that didn’t stop you guys.”
“I’m just doing what my parents would’ve wanted me to do,” Turtwig softly responded, his mind drifting to memories of his parents, who had died many years ago.
As soon as the thoughts came, they were gone, as some kind of sawing noise suddenly struck the ceiling above them.
“You guys hear that?” Torchic asked nervously.
Silence followed, because everyone was too busy paying attention to the noise to notice what Torchic said, when, suddenly, the magnificent chandelier above them tore itself off the ceiling, and crashed onto the floor, glass flying everywhere, landing directly on Torchic, crushing him instantly.
“NO!” Mudkip cried, rushing over to where the chandelier was, and throwing it off of his body, to see what was left of Torchic. Everyone stared on in horror, until a cackling sound pierced the air.
Suddenly, a figure jumped from the hole in the ceiling that the chandelier had created. It was Totodile.
Totodile let out a water gun attack at Mudkip, sending him flying into a bookshelf, where he landed on the ground, books piling up on him.
“WHAT THE HELL?” Oshawott screamed as Totodile pressed towards the other three, pointing his knife at them.
Snivy and Turtwig each let out their attacks, cursing him out in horror and anger. Totodile merely grabbed Snivy’s vines and flung him against the wall, passing him out on the spot. In turn, he parried the leaves from Turtwig with the knife, then aimed a water gun at his hurt leg, which caused him to yelp in pain, and sent him soaring at the counter at the edge of the kitchen.
Then, before Oshawott could attack, he threw the knife right at him. The blade pierced his left eye, sending him to the ground, a pool of blood oozing from his unconscious body. Totodile cackled again, then retrieved the knife from Oshawott’s eye socket, and walked towards the incapacitated Turtwig, who was trying to stand.
“You people left me with no choice,” Totodile declared, pointing the knife at Turtwig.
“We left you with every choice in the world besides this one, fool!” Turtwig weakly argued. “Kill me if you wish, but that will solve nothing, and you will have to live with your sins all the rest of your days.”
“Not if I can help it,” yelled Mudkip, who sprinted towards Totodile and let out a mud-shot. Totodile chuckled, easily blocking the mud shot, and grabbing Mudkip as he arrived, throwing him against the wall.
“I’ll deal with you later,” Totodile called after him. With that, he sunk his knife into the area between Turtwig’s head and shell, right on his neck.
Turtwig let out a gurgling sound, and collapsed to the ground, sprawled out on his fours, a defeated look capturing his dying face.
“Aww,” Totodile joked. “What’s the matter little turtle, can’t get up?” He laughed.
“YOU SON OF A *****!” Mudkip roared, charging towards Totodile with the deepest look of hatred gripping his face.
Totodile laughed again, but his face turned to a look of surprise as Mudkip slammed himself into Totodile before he could stab him, showing surprising strength,and sending Totodile crashing into an armchair.
“So be it,” Totodile growled, barring his knife. Mudkip let out another mud-shot, but Totodile leaped over it, then charged towards Mudkip, making a slashing motion with his knife. Mudkip abandoned his move, and bravely ran forwards to meet Totodile, ignoring the threat of the knife.
Mudkip jumped over the knife when they met, then bit into Totodile’s skull as hard as he could.
“DAMN YOU!” Totodile roared, jabbing his knife at Mudkip. Mudkip released his grip from Totodile’s head, but grabbed the knife, throwing it aside, rendering it useless.
“Fine then, I’ll take you on without it, again,” Totodile declared, rubbing his head. With that, he starting launching off scratch attacks, pressing forward towards the door, Mudkip agilely avoiding each one with alarming speed. When they reached the door, Mudkip jumped over his head, then slammed Totodile into the door, causing him to scream in pain, as he hit directly on his nose.
Mudkip then lunged at Totodile’s eye, preparing to bite it. It was Totodile’s turn to jump. And jump he did, skillfully avoiding Mudkip’s teeth, and then darting through the living room, and back towards the knife.
Mudkip launched a series of mud-shots, ricocheting of the wall, and narrowly missing Totodile, who leaped over a chair, then slid across the tile of the kitchen, retrieving the knife, and standing up with a triumphant look on his face.
“COWARD!” Mudkip raged from across the room.
Totodile did nothing but smile, displaying his sharp, yellow teeth, before renewing his charge at Mudkip. Mudkip once again did the same, and once again jumped once they met, but this time, Totodile ducked as Mudkip tried to bite his skull, then he slashed with his knife, an attack which made contact with Mudkip’s gill, causing it to fall off.
Mudkip shrieked out in pain, before swiftly dodging Totodile’s knife attacks like he had the scratches. Eventually, Mudkip backed into a couch, and fell to his knees, staring up at Totodile with hatred in his eyes, as Totodile pointed the knife at him.
Totodile gave a look of disgusting satisfaction. “Now, you die,” he declared.
Just then, the door burst open, and Totodile wheeled around to see seven pokemon spilling through the room, who each let out their strongest attacks at once, engulfing Totodile in a mixture of flames, water, electricity, and leaves, sending him crashing through the air all the way to the oven, where he slid to the ground, clearly unconscious.
Silence lingered in the room for a brief few seconds, then utter chaos erupted, as the new arrivals poured through the room, gasping in horror at the damage Totodile had caused.
Pikachu rushed over to Oshawott’s side and lifted him up, checking his pulse. “He’s still alive, but he’ll never be able to see out of that eye again,” Pikachu declared mournfully.
Mudkip immediately rushed over to see Turtwig, trying to prevent himself from erupting into tears as he looked down upon his dying friend.
“You… fought bravely,” Turtwig said, putting on a smile that turned into a grimace.
“As did you, my brother,” Mudkip said, unable to prevent the tears rolling down his face. “I will not let you die!”
“You have no choice, death is something all of us must face,” Turtwig said, managing a smile this time. “I do not fear it. Death is but the next great journey.”
“You can’t go, I need you,” Mudkip cried, beginning to fall into despair.
“Do not mourn over me, my friend,” Turtwig said. “I lived as happy a life as any Turtwig could, and I had such great friends… take care of the others for me.” With that, he drew his last breath.
Mudkip bowed his head, as the other pokemon gathered behind Mudkip, each bowing their heads as well, none of them managing to contain their tears.
Immediately after, they took the bodies of Turtwig and Torchic out to the backyard behind them, and gently laid blankets over their cold, broken bodies.
Knowing they had no time to hold a funeral before Totodile would reawaken, they all returned indoors, still crying profusely. Mudkip stayed however, refusing to leave Turtwig’s side.
As soon as Totodile woke up, he found himself wrapped in chains. “Hey, get me out of this thing,” he yelled, wriggling around.
Squirtle quickly strode over to where Totodile was squirming, and delivered the most powerful punch he had ever delivered, sending Totodile’s face slamming into the wall, and breaking one of his teeth off. “If you speak another word, I’ll make sure you die the most unpleasant death anyone has ever experienced.”
Totodile shut up, despite himself, allowing Squirtle to rejoin the others where they were discussing their next course of action.
Piplup couldn’t stop crying, so her sobs continuously ebbed through the conversation.
“What do we do with him?” Pikachu asked.
“We kill him, there’s nothing else to do,” Treecko stated exasperatedly, shocked at the fact they were thinking of anything other than that. Cyndaquil nodded his agreement.
Bulbasaur sighed, then said: “Turtwig wouldn’t have wanted us to kill him. In honor of his memory, we should keep him alive.”
“In honor of his memory,” Treecko retorted “We should kill him. Because, you know, he was the one that cause Turtwig’s death in the first place.”
“There are more important things in this world than simple-minded revenge,” Bulbasaur declared, “Turtwig understood this, so why can’t you? If we murder him in cold blood, how does that make us any better than Tototile himself?”
There was no time to argue, because Totodile had just somehow bit through the chains, making a dash for the door.
“Stop him!” Tepig yelled. “He’s dangerous!”
Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Pikachu each wasted no time in rushing after him, following him out through the door. However, they soon noticed a horde of a hundred monsters standing in their way.
Totodile had noticed it too, and was standing right in front of the monsters. After the initial shock, he turned to run but it was too late. The monsters had grabbed him, and were ripping his leg off.
“Help me! No!” Totodile yelled as the other three quickly ran back into the house, slamming the door shut.
“We’re going now!” Bulbasaur declared. “Out through the back door!”
He grabbed Oshawott, who was the only unconscious one left, and lead the way out through the back door, everyone else following him, several monsters banging on the front door.
They came out into the backyard, where Mudkip was still grieving, and jumped the fence, all except Mudkip and Squirtle.
“We have to go!” Squirtle called after Mudkip. “Monsters will be on us any second now!”
“Let them come,” Mudkip stated, an expression of emptiness riding his face. “I don’t care, let them come.”
“You’ll surely die,” Squirtle said exasperatedly.
“I KNOW!” Mudkip roared, turning to face Squirtle, and glaring at him. “You’d better go, I’m going to stay here.” With that, he returned to Turtwig’s side.
Squirtle acknowledged the monsters who were now running through the house, and talked to Mukip, as patiently as he could. “His very last words were asking you to take care of the others. How can you do that if you’re dead? Are you going to spit at his memory like that?”
Mudkip roared at Squirtle in a fit of rage, then charged at him. But suddenly, he stopped, coming to his senses.
“You’re right,” Mudkip concluded, renewing his sobs.
Squirtle glanced at the door, which was about to burst open. “We have to go now, there will be time to mourn later.”
Mudkip gradually picked himself up off the ground, then followed Squirtle as he hopped over the fence, taking off after the others, leaving Turtwig and the monsters far behind.
Last edited by Colt45; 25th March 2013 at 3:57 PM.
I can smell u
I was really expecting Umbreon to take then to see an espeon, not a Steelix, because of the while counterpart thingbetween them. And then when oshawott almost died I was ready to cry because I love the little guys, butnowwe could get a an eyepatch Dewott, which would be epic.
RIP turtwig, he was truly a great Pokemon and probablythemost mature of the whwhole group besides bulbasaur.
Totodile got what was coming to him.
Yeah, I specifically did that for that reason. Samurai otters with eye-patches? You gotta admit that's badass.
It is a shame that Turtwig had to go, but I felt that going forward, it was the best way to go.
Yes, Totodile deserved what he got.
I can smell u
So now we know that oshawott will survive, for evolution sake.
PS, if you do anything to bulbasaur, I week be mad.
Hey, you! Yeah, you! No, not you in front, you there who likes pokémon. Do you like the animé? Do you ever think you'd like to use pokémon and battle like they do in the show?
Look no further than the
Pokémon Animé Style Battling League!
Come say hello in our Time Out thread and we'll get you started on a wonderful adventure. Training pokémon, fighting Gym Leaders, maybe even catching a Legendary pokémon? The choice is yours!
“Are we almost throught this? This place is as creppy( is this supposed to be crappy, or creepy? as all hell,” Squirtle whispered to Umbreon. No one knew why they felt the need to whisper, but it was as though the very dungeon itself was daring them to speak aloud, holding them at gunpoint.
“No(t) quite, we have a good ways to go,” came the answer that initiated a good number of groans.
check out the quilava!
Credit goes to eeveelover824 and flower paradise graphics for these amazing userbars and the banner: click on it! and sworn metalhead
Woah there, pokemon will die, maybe one of them is one you like a lot, but I can't help that. Sorry, there are going to be pokemon I like dying as well. (BTW, I'm not saying Bulbasaur is necessarily going to die, but just be prepared for some of your favorite to kick the bucket.)
I can smell u