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Thread: The Pokemonstory of Luke

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    The Netherlands

    Post The Pokemonstory of Luke

    The Pokemonstory of Luke

    Luke is a 10 years old boy. He lives in Twileaf town, Sinnoh. His mom
    promised him that today, she would give him his very own pokemon,
    that she had just catched. He didn't know what he was going to get, because the researchers in Sinnoh had just released te new discovered pokemon from Unova in Sinnoh. The story begins with his mom comming home with
    his Pokemon.

    Luke: Hey mom! did you bring my pokemon?

    Mom: Ofcourse dear! do you want to see it?

    Luke: YEA!!!! IM FED UP WITH WAITING!!!!!!

    Mom: Calm down son! you might scare it.

    Luke: Sorry mom... Where is it?!

    Mom: It's in this pokeball. Come outside, i'll show it to you.

    Luke: Im fed up!

    They proceed to go outside into their big garden, where his moms pokemon are happily playing.

    Mom: Pokemon, come out!
    (pokeball opens)
    Riolu: Riolu!

    Luke: Hey Riolu! i'm your new trainer!

    Mom: Luke? do you like him?

    Luke: Ofcourse! he looks cute but also very strong!

    Mom: I'm glad you like him! I've also gotten you some pokeballs, so you catch some pokemon!

    Luke: Thanks mom. I'll get going on my journey for now!

    Mom: Did you pack your bag?

    Luke: Yea mom...

    Mom: Do you have everything?

    Luke: Yes mom...

    Mom: Oh! i almost forgot! I bought you a tent, for when you are on your journey but you can't find a town in time, you can sleep in that.

    Luke: Thank you mom! I'll get going then.

    And so, Luke goes on his journey.

    Thanks for reading this story. I will try to write a new chapter every day, but sometimes i have to do too much homework
    I'll hope you read every day.
    Thanks you!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Graivty Falls, Oregon



    To begin with, the fact that the piece of literature you've presented is scripted. This is used in voiced media because the actors can convey emotion and feeling beyond "!", ",", and "?". Writers do not have this advantage, but we still need to know where the characters are, what they do, and such and so forth. Including descriptions of these things will make your fiction far better, and easier to understand. For example:

    Mom: Did you pack your bag?

    Luke: Yea mom...
    We know what they're saying, but we really don't what these characters are emoting. Like, imagine if Luke was dismissively rolling his eyes at his mother, or perhaps motioning towards the door. This would express his feelings towards his preparedness, and his urgency to leave, giving us some insight into Luke's personality.

    Also, I don't think it's allowed to use the little things in your stories. As I said, giving a look into the Riolu's behavior (as well as appearance) will help us figure him out. Is he all jumpy to be part of a Pokemon team? Maybe nervous, shivering a little? But these aren't mine to decide.

    Good luck; there's some work to be done, but anything worth doing requires work. Let me if I can offer any assistance, and have fun!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    The Netherlands


    I want to thank chanseychansey77 for the tips, i will most certanly use them!
    Well then, here's chapter two

    Our story goes further where our hero left. Luke ran into town very exited and not watching for other inhabitors of twinleaf town. When he reached the center of town, he bumped into his best friend Rick.

    Rick&Luke: (happily shouting at each other) DUDE! I GOT A POKEMON!!!

    Luke: wait? did your mom give you a pokemon too?

    Rick: (Happily saying) Yes! And you?

    Luke: (Exitedly) yes! i got a Riolu. And you?

    Rick: (with a big smile on his sprinkled face) An Eevee

    Luke: Let's have a battle!

    And so, Luke and Rick have their first Pokemon battle

    Luke: (Focused) Riolu! Come out!

    Riolu: (Happy) Rio!!

    Rick: (Smiling) Come out Eevee!

    Eevee: (trying to reach an itchy place) Vee!

    Luke: (already thinking of a strategy) Let's start! Riolu, Use low kick!

    Riolu: Ri-lu!

    Luke: Yes! It hit!

    Rick: (worried) Eevee, are you okay?

    Eevee: (strongly but weakened standing up)

    Rick: Eevee! Use tackle!

    Eevee: Eev!

    Luke: Riolu! Avoid and use Super Punch

    Riolu: Ri!

    Rick: (Sad) Oh no! Eevee is knock out!

    Luke: It doesn't matter, it was your first battle. And Eevee is normal, and so, he is weak to riolu's fighting moves!

    Rick: (Happy again) Yea, You're right! You know what, we should go on an adventure together!

    Luke: (Exited) Good idea!

    They went to Rick's mom and she healed Rick's Eevee. After that, they went on to on their journey!

    This was chapter 2, i hoped you liked it! I might write another chapter today, because i have enough time!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    The Netherlands


    Our hero and his fiend Rick are going on their journey around Sinnoh, and are just about to leave their hometown of Twinleaf

    Rick: Hey, Luke. I noticed some things on your Riolu.

    Luke: What did you notice?

    Rick: He has some things other Riolu don't have. He has a weird red stripe on his tail, and his legs are blue like his body, instead of black like his ears

    Luke: You're right! That's weird!

    Rick: (Suddenly) Hey! Look over there! Wild Pokemon!

    Luke: (Notices) Yea! We have to catch some! Come out Riolu!

    Riolu: (Trys to reach an itchy spot) Lu!

    Rick: Eevee! Come out!

    Eevee: (smiles) Eev!

    Luke: Riolu! Use Low Kick on that Venipede!

    Riolu: (Focused) Rio-lu!

    Venipede: (going unconscious) Veni...Pede...

    Luke: I'm going to catch it!

    Luke trows a pokeball and

    Luke: (Concentrated) Come on! Come on!

    Pokeball: Ding!

    Luke: (Very happy) We catched it!

    Rick: Congratulations!

    Luke: Come out Venipede!

    Venipede: (Happy) Veni!

    Luke: Welcome to the team Venipede!

    Rick: While you were out catching that Venipede, I got myself a Pidove!

    Luke: Congratulations! Now we both have 2 pokemon! Let's go back home for a moment, to show our Moms that we caught a new Pokemon, and to heal them!

    Rick: Good idea!

    Riolu: (happy) Rio-lu!

    As Luke went home, he healed his Riolu and Venipede and left them in the garden to play. He texted Rick that they could leave tommorow to realy get going. He also texted him that Venipede looked very strong, and he may soon evolve!
    He walked into the garden and saw that Riolu and Venipede were playing and that they had already become good friends. They were playing in the big old oak in the old pidgey nest, where Luke had seen 3 baby pidgeys growing up. He smiled. These two Pokemon were going to help him and Rick on there adventure.

    This is the end of chapter 3, and maybe, i'll write chapter 4 today! Do you guys have any tips? what Pokemon should Luke or Rick catch? Leave a comment and let me know!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    In the Area of Johto


    Ok, I will add more detail later, but do you see how you did (*emotion*) as in just putting happy or sad? That doesn't give much of a description. Just show that they are happy. And don't give up, you can do it!

    Our hero and his fiend Rick are going on their journey around Sinnoh, and are just about to leave their hometown of Twinleaf
    Do you mean friend? He's not his enemy.
    Last edited by Quilava42; 3rd March 2013 at 3:51 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    The Netherlands


    To Quilava42, i will look out for more specific emotions! and yes i meant friend, sorry...

    Our hero, Luke, has just caught his first Pokemon! Venipede! He and Rick, his companion on this journey, are leaving for their big adventure today!

    Alarm: Beep! Beep!

    Luke: Arghhh...

    Riolu: Rio...Lu...

    Venipede: brrr...rrr...

    Luke: (With a sudden urge) Huh? We have to get up you guys!

    Riolu: Ri? (Suddenly enjoyed by some poffins in the corner) Riolu!

    Venipede: (Also noticing the food) Veni!

    Luke: I'm hungry too! I'll go make myself a sandwich!

    As Luke walks down the stairs, he notices a weard sound comming from the kitchen. He goes back upstairs and takes Riolu with him back down. In the kitchen he sees

    Luke: (With a cracking voice) A Sandile! In our kitchen?

    Sandile: Sandile!

    Luke: Riolu! Use High Kick!

    Riolu: Rio! Lu!

    Luke: Good! Now go Pokeball!

    Pokeball: brr... brr...

    Luke: (Frightened of Sandile coming out) Please?!

    Pokeball: Ding!

    Luke: (With joy of having a new friend) Yes! We caught ourselves a Sandile!

    Riolu: (Jumping around stomping his fists in the air) Rio-Lu!Rio-Lu!Rio-Lu!

    Luke: Come on Riolu! Let's show our new friend to Venipede!

    Luke shows Sandile and Sandile get's some food. After they all ate breakfast, they go to Rick's house.

    Rick: Good morning Luke!

    Luke: Morning Rick! You aren't going to believe what i found in my kitchen this morning!

    Rick: (Interested) No? What did you find?

    Luke: This little guy! Come out!

    Sandile: Ile!

    Rick: (Amused by Sandiles hairy ears) That's a cool guy! And he was in your kitchen?

    Luke: He sure was! Now, Are you packed up?

    Rick: I sure am! Let's head out to Sandgem town!

    And so they go of to Sandgem town, not to far away. They see alot of wild Pokemon, and battle them too! And then something happens.

    Luke: (Worried about Venipede) Venipede, are you alright?

    Venipede: brrr

    Rick: He's evolving!

    Luke: (Exited about the evolution) Wow Venipede! You evolved into Whirlipede!

    Whirlipede: Whirl!

    Riolu: Rio? Rio-Lu!

    As our hero and his pokemon continue their trip, Rick is training his Pidove, When suddenly They hear a sound coming from Eevee.

    Rick: Eevee? What are you eating?

    Luke: Is that? A Thunderstone?

    Rick: Yea! you're right! And Eevee is evolving into Jolteon

    Jolteon: Jol!

    Rick: (Exited about Eevee's evolution) Wow, Exactly the Eeveelution i wanted!

    And so, here ends the 4th chapter of our story. Any ideas what Pokemon they should catch next? Leave it in the comments!
    And thanks for taking your time to read this !

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    The Netherlands


    just a little extra, i made a sprite containing Luke's Riolu

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