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Thread: The Adventures of Jaden

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    Default The Adventures of Jaden

    Jaden's Adventure


    Okay! Here's the trainer card of Jaden.

    I made a new story, and this time it will be AWESOME!
        Spoiler:- PM List:


    REGION: Flora Region (Other Dimension of Kanto Region)

    Chapters

    Chapter 1: A New Beginning

    Characters:
    Jaden, Jaden's aunt

    Chapter 1: A New Beginning

    Narrator: On a sunny day, a boy wakes up and begin his journey.

    LOCATION: Jaden's bedroom

    Jaden: (yawn!) "Oh! It's Tuesday, and... I will get my own POKéMON!"

    (After fixing the bed, he pack his things and went to the lab.)

    Prof. Oak: "There you are, Jaden!"

    Jaden: "Can I get my own POKéMON now?"

    Prof. Oak: "Not yet, I will teach you first how to battle. Here, borrow my POKéBALL." (Jaden gets it.)

    Jaden: "Woah! How to open this?" (clicks the button.) "Wah! It turn to a big ball!" (Then the POKéBALL was open and the POKéMON was out.)

    Prof. Oak: (sigh.)

    Jaden: "Yahoo! I finally see a POKéMON!"

    Prof. Oak: "That POKéMON is Cyndaquil, a Fire-Type POKéMON. Anyways, let's begin the training."

    Jaden: "Yes!" (Then when he's about to raise his hand, Cyndaquil bite his hand) "AWWWW!!" (He scream in pain.)

    Prof. Oak: "Too bad, Jaden, seems no POKéMON likes you."

    Jaden: "Noooo!!"

    Prof. Oak: "Hahaha! Just joking!" "Cyndaquil, stop it!" (Cyndaquil stops.) "Okay, now show me what you got."

    Jaden: "Okay! Cyndaquil use Fire attack!"

    Cyndaquil: "Cynda?" (He... then use Ember to Jaden!)

    Prof. Oak: (sigh.) (He will never be a true trainer.) "So... Jaden, Cyndaquil is now yours! I can't train you because I'm busy. So find my grandson, he's name is Blue, I think he's at the Blueberry Town. Anyways, tell him that you need to train how to be a trainer. If you don't, I will get back your Cyndaquil."

    Jaden: "Yes sir! You can count on me!"

    Cyndaquil: "Cynda...quil" (uses Ember to Jaden)

    Jaden: "AWWWWW!!" (He screams on pain again.) "Why did I... choose... him?"

    Prof. Oak: "Whatever, now go Jaden!"

    Jaden: "Yes... sir!"

    (Before he go to Blueberry town, his mom give him a Town Map.)

    Jaden: (runs) "Thanks mom!"

    Jaden's mom: "No problem, son! Take care!"

    Jaden: "Got it!" (Then he reached Route 1 and saw a sign.)

    "BEWARE OF WEEDLES"

    Jaden: "Hah! They're just a bunch of Weedles and my Cyndaquil can--"

    (A bunch of Weedles came.)

    Jaden: "Uh... hahaha! I didn't mean that!" (Touches Weedle) "Who's the cutie little creatures?"

    Weedles: "WEEDLE!!" (In rage, they all use poison sting on Jaden and leave.)

    Jaden: "Man.... Not again... First, I'm burned, and now, I'm poisoned." "I think this is my worst day ever, how far is the Blueberry--" (Looks at the sign.)

    "Welcome to Blueberry Town!
    A place where people plants blueberries."

    Jaden: "Maybe, this isn't the worst day ever! I finally reached Blueberry--"

    Cyndaquil: "Cynda... (uses Ember again.)...quil!"

    Jaden: "Maybe.. not."

    ???: "Eh? A Cyndaquil? Wait you must be the rookie guy who wants to be trainer that my grandpa talked about, right?"

    Jaden: "Yes, Blue!"

    Blue: (sigh.) "I never thought grandpa would tell a noob dude my name and let me train him?" "Okay! Let's get started!"

    Jaden: "Yahoo!"

    Blue: "Totodile, standby for battle!"

    Totodile: "Toto.. dile!"

    ----------------

    TOTODILE LVL. 9

    ----------------

    Jaden: "From the looks of it, it must be a Water-Type or a Dragon-Type"

    Blue: "-_-"

    Jaden: "Well, let the show begin! Go, Cyndaquil!"

    Cyndaquil: "Cynda!"

    Blue: "Now then, let's get started!"

    Jaden: "Umm... Cyndaquil use Tackle!"

    Cyndaquil: "Quil!" (full charge attack to Totodile.)

    Blue: "Dodge it! Then use Water Gun!"

    Totodile: "Toto!" (releases a large amount of water from it's mouth.)

    Cyndaquil: "Cyndaquil!" (It's super effective! Cyndaquil faints.)

    Blue: "Hah! How about that, loser? Totodile, go back."

    Jaden: "Cyndaquil... I'm very sorry, I will take you to the POKéMON Center right away!"

    Cyndaquil: "Cyn...daquil..." (smiles)

    Blue: "Here, a Potion."

    Jaden: "You will really give it to us?"

    Blue: "Don't like it? Fine!"

    Jaden: "Hey! Don't be rude!"

    Blue: "Want it so badly? Here!" (throws it to Jaden.)

    Jaden: "Thanks and I will tell your grandpa how rude you are!"

    Blue: "Heh! I don't care!"

    ???: "Give us your POKéMON!"

    Jaden: "!"

    Blue: "They are...! (A sign of "R" was written on the shirt.)... Team Rocket!"

    Rocket Grunt #1: "Give it now or we will use force!"

    Jaden: "No way! You won't get my POKéMON!"

    Blue: "Me either!"

    Rocket Grunt #2: "So brave on outside, but weak on inside."

    Blue: "Hmph!"

    Rocket Grunt #1: "We will give you a chance, we will battle! 2 on 2, if you win we won't take them! But, if we win give it to us!"

    Blue: "Bring it on!"

    Jaden: "But, I don't know--"

    Blue: "Just follow what my POKéMON is doing, okay?"

    Jaden: "Okay!"

    Narrator: "Jaden and Blue will battle 2 grunts of Team Rocket! Will they succeed? And what will happen next? Stay tune!"
    Last edited by brendan25; 28th March 2013 at 7:37 AM.

    "Pokeballs are red, water is blue, I came here to search for you and I will catch you!"
    ~brendan25

    Current Team in Pokemon Y:


    3DS FC: 2895-7891-8754

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    94

    Default

    hello

    This caught my attention because of the script style of writing, I'm not usually interested in it but I thought I'd read yours cos ya know, I want to.

    There a couple of grammar mistakes in your story like this " he use Ember to Jaden!)" they just don't make sense i think it should be more like 'he then used ember on Jaden' there's quite a few of these throughout your story.

    The plot was ok for a first chapter of a journey fic although it seemed completely generic and rushed, the lack of description really, really upset me haha. I was hoping to read about what 'blueberry town' looked like, also the team rocket grunts. I'm not sure if description is used in script writing but even if its not I don't see why you couldn't include it if you wanted to.

    It was abit jumpy at time too, like one minute you was in jadens bedroom and the next you was in professor oaks lab which is in Kanto? What region is this in your story? And if it's not Kanto maybe explain to the reader why oak isn't there anymore. Overall a nice beginning with a lot going on, good luck with the rest
    For everyone who likes stories you can read my first ever fan-fic here!


    ]

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila
    Posts
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    Default

    Thanks! And it's region is Flora Region with some Kanto, Hoenn characters. Again, thanks!

    "Pokeballs are red, water is blue, I came here to search for you and I will catch you!"
    ~brendan25

    Current Team in Pokemon Y:


    3DS FC: 2895-7891-8754

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila
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    Default

    Chapter 2: When things get worse

    Rocket Grunt #1: "Stop this nonsense and let get it started! Go Zubat!"

    Zubat: "Zuuu!"

    -------------

    Zubat Lvl. 9

    -------------

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Go, Rattata!"

    Rattata: "Ratta!"

    ------------

    Rattata Lvl. 9

    ------------

    Blue: "Humph! Totodile use Tackle to Zubat!"

    Totodile: "Toto!" (Engages Zubat with full power.)

    Rocket Grunt #1: "Dodge it and use Leech Life!"

    Jaden: "Uhhh.... Cynda--"

    Blue: "Hey Jaden! Keep it up!"

    Jaden: "Oh right! Cyndaquil use Ember to Rattata!"

    Cyndaquil: "Cyndaaaaaaquil!" (Releases fire from its mouth to Rattata.)

    Rattata: "Rattata!" (faints)

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Is that all you got?" (Gets injection and injects Rattata.)

    Blue: "What are you doing!?"

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Powering it up and evolving it to...."

    (Rattata changes to a big rat called...)

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Raticate!"

    Blue; "Never seen that before, better check it on the POKéDEX!"

    Jaden: "POKé...DEX?"

    (Blue gets it and opened it.)

    POKéDEX: "Raticate, a rat POKéMON. It uses its whiskers to maintain its balance and will slow down if they are cut off."

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Don't worry, I got this!"

    Rocket Grunt #1: "Well, then. Go back Zubat!" (Returns Zubat to it's POKéBALL.)

    Blue: (I got a bad feeling of this one, especially when he inject his Rattata it evolved. There must be something on the injection that makes POKéMON evolve.) (Looks at Jaden.) "Jaden, stand back. I will test something."

    Jaden: "Oooookay."

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Shall we?"

    Blue: "Totodile use Thief!"

    Rocket Grunt #2: "This guy..."

    Totodile: "Toto!" (snatch the grunt's injection.)

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Hey! Give it back!"

    Blue: "Gotcha! And know...." (injects it to Totodile.)

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Hehehe."

    Blue: (surprise.) "!"

    Totodile: "TOTODILE!!" (gone wild.)

    Blue: "You...!"

    Rocket Grunt #2: "Yep! That's right, I deceived you by exchanging my Project E injection to Wild Injection."

    Blue: "Project E!?" (Remembers something.)

    --------------------------

    (On Oak's Lab.)

    Prof. Oak: "What do you want?"

    ???: "We want your evolution stones."

    Prof. Oak: "No! I won't give it to you!"

    Blue: "Hey you! How dare you sneak up on our lab!"

    ???: "A trainer." (Better get rid of him.)

    Blue: "Totodile, use thief to get back those stones!"

    Totodile: "Toto!" (Snatches it and gives it to Blue.)

    ???: "You!"

    Blue: "Now, don't move cuz I will call the cops!"

    ???: "If you can!" (Throws smokebombs.)

    Blue: "!" (Smokebombs!) *cough* *cough* "He's getting away!"

    (After 2 minutes he disappears.)

    Prof. Oak: "You okay, Blue?"

    Blue: "Yeah, somehow he escaped." (Sees a book.) "!"

    ???: (running.) "Ugh! I left the book."

    Blue: "What's this?"

    TEAM ROCKET'S PROJECT E

    Blue: "Project E?"

    Prof. Oak: "It seems they want to evolve--" "Oh! He got the stones! Prof. Elm must be inform on what happened today. Blue, here's the POKéDEX and go to Johto to inform Prof. Elm about the stones!"

    Blue: "You can count on me, gramps!"

    ------------------------

    Blue: "Oh! I was distracted by that! Sorry, Totodile--"

    Jaden: "Uh, Blue, I'm sorry I let them get your Totodile and the book. Cyndaquil were no matched on those two."

    Blue: "....."

    Narrator: What will happen to Blue? What is written inside on that book? For more info, read here https://www.facebook.com/TheAdventur...ax_wizard=true
    Last edited by brendan25; 28th March 2013 at 8:36 AM.

    "Pokeballs are red, water is blue, I came here to search for you and I will catch you!"
    ~brendan25

    Current Team in Pokemon Y:


    3DS FC: 2895-7891-8754

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