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Thread: Oh, the woes of sexual immorality! The ethics of casual sex.

  1. #26
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    What I don't get about this argument is that most people don't take about their sexual history on the first date. Usually, this only comes up after some time, and usually by then you'll have decided whether or not you like this person and want to continue seeing them. If you like them and get along with them otherwise, and then find out they've had X number of partners, would you suddenly want to break things off even though you're quite compatible and get along perfectly well otherwise?
    I think the point stands regardless of chronology. It's true that it's something that probably isn't going to crop up immediately, but sex probably is going to become a point of discussion at some point in a relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scammel View Post
    I think the point stands regardless of chronology. It's true that it's something that probably isn't going to crop up immediately, but sex probably is going to become a point of discussion at some point in a relationship.
    I still don't understand. If things are going perfectly nicely otherwise and you like the person and they like you, you'll still be entirely scared off by their sexual history alone?

    If you said you didn't want to date someone who had different sexual needs than you and you felt sexually incompatible as a result, I'd understand. It would still suck if you had to end things with someone because they have a higher/lower sex drive than you and you felt you don't jive, but I'd get it. But we're talking solely about sexual history here, something in the past, and that doesn't necessarily have to affect you or your relationship in the here and now. How do you feel that their past would affect your relationship?

    Also, do you have a "maximum number of partners they could have had" or something? Numbers are so arbitrary, so where do you draw the line? Is six too many? Seven? Eight? What's the difference between seven and eight? It's so arbitrary!

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    If things are going perfectly nicely otherwise and you like the person and they like you, you'll still be entirely scared off by their sexual history alone?
    Absolutely not, I think I made it pretty clear that a relationship where partners might differ on interpretations of sex can still have a relationship as great as any other.

    If you said you didn't want to date someone who had different sexual needs than you and you felt sexually incompatible as a result, I'd understand. It would still suck if you had to end things with someone because they have a higher/lower sex drive than you and you felt you don't jive, but I'd get it. But we're talking solely about sexual history here
    It seems somewhat illogical to divorce sexual history from sexual preferences. Someone who's enforced their own abstinence is probably going to want to continue to do so. Someone who has enjoyed sex on a regular basis is likely to want to continue to do so.

    Also, do you have a "maximum number of partners they could have had" or something?
    It's not so much about numbers as it is attitudes (though as I just said, the two are linked). I certainly wouldn't encourage someone to dismiss a partner purely on the basis of them having hit an arbitrary number of previous partners, though it could be indicative of possibly irreconcilable approaches to sex.
    Last edited by Scammel; 31st March 2013 at 11:24 PM.

  4. #29

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    We once had someone that has been nicknamed “the neighborhood *****”. All I heard was horrible things about them. ;p

    The word **** if often misused. Even on TV, I see women call the other woman a **** because they were with their husband or what not (and the other woman didn't know the guy was taken is the funny part). Or someone gets called a **** just because they are prettier than the other person. But mainly, the word ****s gets used when one person simply hates the other person.

    As for sleeping around, it's not really going to affect the way I treat them per-say, but I wouldn't want my kids to be around them. I wouldn't want them to think that hopping from one person to another was okay. Especially if they are in a committed relationship with someone else. I would uncomfortable if they were around my partner (but it's not my place to tell him who he can be friends with).

    I also wouldn't want to be with someone who has that history.

    Funny thing is, when a man *****s himself, he's called a man. (I personally think he's a *****)
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    Honestly, I think the best solution is just that nobody should ever have sex at all. Sure, that'll end the human race as we know it a good eighty years down the line, but the benefits are numerous. What good arguments do you have for the survival of the human race, anyway?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deku_Link View Post
    We shouldn't shame the ****-shamers.
    Indeed -- why interfere with the people who do it the best anyway?

    Quote Originally Posted by Valoo. View Post
    I think that a better solution to combating STDs in teenagers is to educate them properly about safe sex, and as early as possible. I'm sixteen and so far I've had like... one class that teaches about safe sex. If we educate people early (and properly) on how to practice safe sex it would be a much better combatant to the issue. Bringing kids up to think slut shaming is right and being anyways promiscuous is wrong in an attempt to stop the spread of STDs is a dumb idea.
    But if we talk about it more, people will do it more. Clearly.

    I've actually heard that very argument before. It's just as stupid as I'm making it sound.

    Why do people care about how many times their partner has had sex? As long as they're committed to the relationship it shouldn't make any difference. If you have a trouble thinking about their sexual partners then that's an insecurity on your part.
    I don't know, but I'd guess that, at least in some cases, it's a) basically the idea of "winning" -- but then again, if you're the sort of person that elevates the basic human mating procedure to a competition on any level, there are probably many things wrong with you to the point that you shouldn't be able to "win"; or b) a matter of domination and control -- which, if you treat a human being that way -- i.e. as an object[ive] or a prize, again, you deserve your ostracism.
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    If the people are using protection and aren't cheating -- then it's okay, in my opinion.

    **** shaming is extremely common in my school - hell, we've got a 16 year old who has supposedly slept with over 30 people and is currently pregnant -- she doesn't even know who the Dad is. I can't say that what she has done is right - but she shouldn't be called a **** for it. It's just her way of life - so what if she has a higher sex drive than other people? She's pregnant now and has faced the consequences and is dealing with it - she's keeping the baby, and has settled down. Sure, schooling has gone down the pan, but it's given her libido a kick up the arse. She doesn't need people to constantly remind her of her mistake, especially as she is trying to pick up the pieces and is accepting the consequences.

    It's something that shouldn't be kept from a partner though - whoever you are dating has a right to know, especially if you haven't been having safe sex. If there is a possible risk of an STI then it's simply a matter of courtesy to tell your partner of the risk. If they don't want to be with you for it - it's their choice. If they don't like you for it, then you shouldn't like them for it. Simple. It may be a little demoralising, but if the person loves you enough they shouldn't be bothered.
    For example, my Dad had, uh, something to be ashamed of (psure it's not appropriate in this forum) ((lmfao don't worry it's not murder or rape)) and he had the courtesy to tell my Mum. It may have been a little shocking but she still stood with him - but he gave her the choice.

    But back onto doing it for yourself. Some people have a bigger sex-drive than others - it's normal. It's better to be doing it with somebody willing than to do it with somebody unwilling.

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    And this is the thing. Isn't "may", a fine reason not to do something? Don't eat this food because I may get heartburn, or walk on the ice because I may slip. "May", is what lets people decide on what we want to do and why. It's a perfectly fine reason to do, or not do something
    It really isn't. You may get into a car crash tomorrow, it's no reason to not drive cars or deem people that drive cars as "engaging in risky behavior." People might lie to you or do wrong to you, it's no reason to stay at home and live the rest of your life as a hermit because you're afraid of being hurt by others. You may get food poisoning and die by going out to eat, it's no reason to never go out with your friends and try a place you've never eaten at before. A promiscuous person may have health problems like self esteem or any of the other things you mentioned, but that doesn't mean that people who are promiscuous are inherently more likely to do those things.

    but I wouldn't want my kids to be around them. I wouldn't want them to think that hopping from one person to another was okay. Especially if they are in a committed relationship with someone else. I would uncomfortable if they were around my partner (but it's not my place to tell him who he can be friends with).
    This is disgusting, honestly. Downright repulsive. Someone that enjoys casual sex is hardly likely to sit down your little ones and tell them about how awesome it is to get a nut. In addition, how would your kids even know, do you expect them to be there watching every single time? What absolute nonsense.
    Last edited by Crudelis ventus; 1st April 2013 at 3:43 AM.

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    It's disgusting that.... if I had kids, I wouldn't want them emulating people who have sex with multiple people just for kicks?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    We once had someone that has been nicknamed “the neighborhood *****”. All I heard was horrible things about them. ;p
    Town gossip is the best way to get to know somebody, huh.

    As for sleeping around, it's not really going to affect the way I treat them per-say
    "It won't affect the way I treat them; I just won't have anything to do with them at all!"

    but I wouldn't want my kids to be around them. I wouldn't want them to think that hopping from one person to another was okay. Especially if they are in a committed relationship with someone else. I would uncomfortable if they were around my partner (but it's not my place to tell him who he can be friends with).
    Oh come off it. Being promiscuous doesn't mean that you're some sort of sex crazed maniac that dry humps everything they see. Please explain to us the danger your partner or child is in by talking to somebody who likes to have sex.

    And even then, why do you care? Why does how many people a person has slept act as an indicator of the type of person they are? As long as it's safe and consensual a person can have as much sex as they want as far as I'm concerned. Sex is good. If the person isn't hurting anybody by having it why should you demoralise them for it? I really don't get why people give a **** about a person's sex life. It's really nothing to do with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    It's disgusting that.... if I had kids, I wouldn't want them emulating people who have sex with multiple people just for kicks?
    It's disgusting that you would judge somebody based on something that really isn't your business and doesn't make a difference to them anyway, and would bring up your children to have the same prejudiced opinions as you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothitelle K View Post
    It's disgusting that.... if I had kids, I wouldn't want them emulating people who have sex with multiple people just for kicks?
    Depends. I wouldn't care if my kids were around someone who chooses to have lots of sex, or ignore them for that reason alone. On the other hand, if the person in question is constantly bragging and going on about who they had sex with, and how many, then I would probably be wary of the person. Mainly because kids are impressible and that probably isn't the type of behavior you'd want your kids to be engaging in at a young age. Of course, this a personality trait, so you not judging the person based on who they been with, but how they carry themselves vocal/expression wise.
    Last edited by Jb; 1st April 2013 at 3:28 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jb View Post
    Depends. I wouldn't care if my kids were around someone who chooses to have lots of sex, or ignore them for that reason alone. On the other hand, if the person in question is constantly bragging and going on about who they had sex with, and how many, then I would probably be wary of the person. Mainly because kids are impressible and that probably isn't the type of behavior you'd want your kids to be engaging in at a young age. Of course, this a personality trait, so you not judging the person based on who they been with, but how they carry themselves vocal/expression wise.
    Yeah, there are people out there who brag about the amount of sex they had. Like there is one who claims to have had sex with 100 people :-/

    I mean, I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with that person. I never knew that people would get so angry that I don't want to be with that person. :-/

    But then... different cultural reasons.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crudelis ventus View Post
    slut shaming:

    From wikipedia



    Or in other words, it's the practice of making people feel like total, utter, crap for having sex. The question is, what's wrong with having sex outside of committed relationships?

    If you're using protection, you aren't sleeping with people in relationships, and you aren't leading people on, what exactly is wrong with being promiscuous? Sex is awesome. Sex is pretty much one of the greatest things ever. So, if people aren't hurting others in their pursuit of it, why should they be made to feel ashamed for having it? Basically, if you wanna get laid, go for it. If you want to sleep with someone, and they wanna sleep with you, you should be able to have a good time without being called a "slut" or "whore" or other such defamations of character. By all means, go and have all the sex your little heart desires, just don't be shady about it.

    I don't care if you've slept with one person, five people, or one hundred people. All that matters is that they're clean and that they would be faithful to me, and that's all that should matter to you. Where do you draw the line and decide when a person has had one sexual partner too many, and they aren't good enough anymore? After what point is someone damaged goods?

    I challenge the notion that a person has to choose between self respect and pleasure. It's a vile false dillema that helps no one.

    Thoughts?
    I agree completely!! Sex is awesome!

    I have never understood why people view it as something that shouldnt be talked about or discussed. I feel that religion plays are large role in why sex is supposed to be taboo and why people, especially women, are made to feel shameful for having sex.

    To me as long as you are safe than it shouldnt matter. The whole idea of saving yourself for your wedding night is beyond me too. I feel like a partner that can bring more to the table is going to keep the sex within a marriage more interesting and for longer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jb View Post
    Depends. I wouldn't care if my kids were around someone who chooses to have lots of sex, or ignore them for that reason alone. On the other hand, if the person in question is constantly bragging and going on about who they had sex with, and how many, then I would probably be wary of the person. Mainly because kids are impressible and that probably isn't the type of behavior you'd want your kids to be engaging in at a young age. Of course, this a personality trait, so you not judging the person based on who they been with, but how they carry themselves vocal/expression wise.
    I can agree with this.

    On a whole-**** shaming and any prejudice behavior is just wrong. It can cause mental disorders, so on and so forth.

    Now, for relationships, a person has the right to determine whether or not they want to date a person who has been around the town. And honestly, I think the topic should be broaden. I mean, as there are people who **** shame, there are those who shame people who keep their virginity. I have had two people brake up with me because i am waiting for marriage. Is that the prerogative, yes. If I don't want to date a person who has slept with fifty people, it is my choice.

    Sexual "experience is a valid reason for not being attracted to someone. It is just not a turn on for some people. If a person doesn't fin blonds attractive are they a douche, no. It is just their preference. Just because someone partakes in a certain activity doesn't mean we have to like them for it.

    Now can you use a person's sexual history to judge a character. Hell yes. The same if the person never had sex, or went to jail, or some other crap. It is a tool we use to see them. It doesn't mean that is all somebody judges them on.
    Last edited by miles0624; 1st April 2013 at 9:47 PM.

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    How old should kids be before they start having sex?
    Jackpot!

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    Quote Originally Posted by marioguy View Post
    How old should kids be before they start having sex?
    That's up to the parent's in my opinion.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WizardTrubbish View Post
    That's up to the parent's in my opinion.
    I think it's up to the kids in question. Different people are ready to make that decision at different points in time. I don't agree with young kids having sex, but that's not my (or anyone else's) decision to make for them. The best parents can do is educate and inform their kids so that when they do make that decision they know how to be safe about it.

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    That's far too much of a hands-off approach for my tastes. We can educate them all we like, the fact of that matter remains that children tend to be irresponsible. Lord knows enough adults manage to get it wrong, something as important (and potentially life changing) as sex is not something we should be trusting children with.

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    Except you can't stop them from doing it. If teenagers (and I would say that's the main group of kids in question) want to have sex, they're going to do it whether or not their parents trust them with it. Comprehensive sex education and parents being open and honest about sex with their kids instead of treating sex like a taboo subject can greatly reduce the chances of something going wrong. Parents and schools need to stop treating "sex" like a dirty word. If you make it seem like something that shouldn't be talked about, kids are less likelly to ask the important questions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    Except you can't stop them from doing it. If teenagers (and I would say that's the main group of kids in question) want to have sex, they're going to do it whether or not their parents trust them with it. Comprehensive sex education and parents being open and honest about sex with their kids instead of treating sex like a taboo subject can greatly reduce the chances of something going wrong. Parents and schools need to stop treating "sex" like a dirty word. If you make it seem like something that shouldn't be talked about, kids are less likelly to ask the important questions.
    That would take too much effort, though, for one of those folks to change their mind even a little. "Moralists" think sex is bad, because with them it always is.

    Going into matters of education would take a little too long and veer too far off-topic for this thread, though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phlogiston View Post
    That would take too much effort, though, for one of those folks to change their mind even a little. "Moralists" think sex is bad, because with them it always is.

    Going into matters of education would take a little too long and veer too far off-topic for this thread, though.
    Unfortunately, I'm not expecting to change anyone's mind. Saying that when kids should have sex should be up to the parents is silly, which is what WizardTrubbish suggested. Parents have no say in when their kids are going to have sex. You can threaten them, shame them, etc. all you want, but those kids are still going to have sex when they decide. Parents have the option of preparing them for it or not, that's about it.

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    I don't think either approach is perfect, but attempting to restrain kids is probably not going to work.

    Which, the moralists need to look out their ****ing window once in a while and realize that kids are having sex even with the terrible sex education they're getting. If you attempt to give them decent sex ed, at least they might be knowledgeable when they actually do it and be able to prevent unwanted pregnancies and be less likely get diseases.
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    At this point, I don't think sex ed is ever going to work to the point of being widely successful. My school had a pretty great sex ed course, that took the whole school year. Most kids opted out, and the ones that didn't, you'd never think they even went to class.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Phlogiston View Post
    I don't think either approach is perfect, but attempting to restrain kids is probably not going to work.

    Which, the moralists need to look out their ****ing window once in a while and realize that kids are having sex even with the terrible sex education they're getting. If you attempt to give them decent sex ed, at least they might be knowledgeable when they actually do it and be able to prevent unwanted pregnancies and be less likely get diseases.
    You make it sound like kids are just out having sex in the streets or something. =P

    I think most "moralists" (that's a stupid term, honestly) think it's everyone else's kids out having sex and never their own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jb View Post
    At this point, I don't think sex ed is ever going to work to the point of being widely successful. My school had a pretty great sex ed course, that took the whole school year. Most kids opted out, and the ones that didn't, you'd never think they even went to class.
    The idea of not giving comprehensive sex education because it doesn't work on every single student is a terrible argument. No, it isn't going to work for everyone and some parents are going to bar their kids from taking the classes. However, it's important to at least have the option available. Having the option to be educated on an important subject is much, much better than the piss-poor abstinence-only garbage most schools in the U.S. currently teach. Your high school may have had a great sex ed. program but I daresay that isn't the norm in many U.S. schools. My high school tried to integrate sex education into our health class, but the teachers were all too embarrassed to talk about it so it was skipped over. I can't even tell you how many young men (and women!) were in my college anatomy and physiology classes who didn't know the difference between a urethra and a vagina. That is a huge problem. We need to teach our kids about their bodies and how to be healthy in every aspect of their lives, including their sex lives.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post
    You make it sound like kids are just out having sex in the streets or something. =P
    Well, some of them probably are.

    I think most "moralists" (that's a stupid term, honestly) think it's everyone else's kids out having sex and never their own.
    It is a stupid term, because they're pretty morally bankrupt. But it's what they want to be called, so I'll humor them while I rip them a new one. Maybe one day it'll be a dirty word, too.

    Also, it probably usually is their kids doing it. Repressive government breeds rebellion -- this would just be an extension of that. Actually, there was a statistic a while back that said that youths who took abstinence-only sex education were noticeably more likely to engage in anal sex and give head.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesky Persian View Post

    The idea of not giving comprehensive sex education because it doesn't work on every single student is a terrible argument. No, it isn't going to work for everyone and some parents are going to bar their kids from taking the classes. However, it's important to at least have the option available. Having the option to be educated on an important subject is much, much better than the piss-poor abstinence-only garbage most schools in the U.S. currently teach. Your high school may have had a great sex ed. program but I daresay that isn't the norm in many U.S. schools. My high school tried to integrate sex education into our health class, but the teachers were all too embarrassed to talk about it so it was skipped over. I can't even tell you how many young men (and women!) were in my college anatomy and physiology classes who didn't know the difference between a urethra and a vagina. That is a huge problem. We need to teach our kids about their bodies and how to be healthy in every aspect of their lives, including their sex lives.
    Hey, don't me wrong. I'm not against teaching it. I just don't think it'll do much good. The first thing schools need to do is get rid of that form that lets parents sign their kids out of the class. Why any parent would sign this is beyond me. Then stop integrating it into health/gym class. MY middle school did that. We didn't there except that if got an STD/I we'd die.

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