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Thread: Love Is Confusing!(aaml)

  1. #1
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    Default Love Is Confusing!(aaml)

    Love Is Confusing!(aaml)


    This is my first time actually writing down one of my fanfics, so please go easy on me! I didn’t want to do anything too heavy or angsty on my first try, so this is just light and sweet. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but it doesn’t look like it’s gonna turn out that way. It starts off rather generic, but it gets better. Oh, and by the way, I don’t own Pokemon, yada yada yada.
    Chapter 1
    Ash smiled. The sky was blue, the day was warm, and a light breeze swayed the tall grass. Everything felt great! He was still disappointed about coming in 4th in the Hoenn League, but he was really looking forward to seeing Misty. How long had it been since he had last seen her? Two, three months? It seemed like forever. But it wouldn’t be long now. Now he, Brock, May, and Max were en route to Cerulean City, Misty’s hometown. Ash’s train of thought was interrupted by May, who was trailing behind Ash and Brock with her brother Max.
    “How much further? I’m tired!” She complained.
    “Me too!” “Pika!”
    Max and Pikachu chimed in.
    “It is getting late,” replied Brock. “Now would probably be a good time to stop and set up camp.” Ash turned suddenly and looked at Brock.
    “We can’t stop now!” He said. “We’re almost there!”
    “How far is ‘almost?’” May asked. Brock took out the map and studied it for a moment.
    “I’d say about three or four hours.”

    “I can’t go that far! I don’t care how desperate you are to see your girlfriend!” May yelled. Ash sweat-dropped. When May said no, she meant no. There was no way to convince her otherwise. It reminded him a little of Misty. He sighed.

    “Fine,” Ash said. “I guess I could use a little rest.” May and Max both cheered. “And she’s NOT my girlfriend!” he added. But he could feel his face turning red. May just smiled.
    “Oh yeah,” she said. “I forgot.”

    Why was everyone always teasing him about that? Sure, he talked about Misty a lot, but she was his friend. Of course he missed her. Why did that automatically make her his girlfriend?! And even before Misty left, people were constantly picking on them. Brock, Tracey, Nurse Joy, Rudy, Danny, Team Rocket... the list went on and on. It was ridiculous. Him and Misty! Ha! “Besides,” Ash thought, “there’s no way she’d ever like me.”




    That night, Ash lay awake and looked at the stars. He was thinking of Misty again. It was easy enough to forget during the day, but at night, when there was nothing to occupy his mind, his thoughts always turned to her. He remembered how she would always help him when he was in trouble and cheer him on in all of his battles. He couldn’t have asked for a better friend.

    And then Ash would think about the day she left. He had never seen Misty so sad. It really hurt him to see her like that. He had wanted to comfort her, but had no idea what to say. And what exactly had she meant by giving him her handkerchief? Wasn’t that usually what a girl did when she liked you? But this was Misty. It couldn’t be that. Could it?

    Sometimes Ash thought maybe he did like her. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like if she were his girlfriend. What would it be like to hold her hand, to smile at her, to . . .? But he couldn’t imagine it. These thoughts did not mean anything. People were always teasing him about it, so it was only natural to be a little curious. “I wonder what she’s doing right now...” Ash thought.

    ♥♥♥♥♥

    Not far away, in Cerulean City, Misty couldn’t sleep either. She was too excited. Excited because Ash was going to be there soon. She had missed him so much. It had seemed as if she were never going to see him again. But within the next few days, he would be there, and things would be as they were supposed to be. Misty looked at her digital clock. “11:53 P.M.” it read. “I’m never gonna get to sleep like this!” she thought.

    She slipped out of bed, changed into her swimsuit, and walked down to the gym’s pool hoping that swimming a few laps would make her tired. The dive into the cold water sent a shiver down her spine. As she swam, Misty thought about the events of the past few months. The memory of leaving Ash still saddened her, even if she was about to see him. It was even more painful to remember losing Togepi, because she knew she would never see her baby Pokemon again. Misty had been planning on resuming her travels with Ash that day, but losing Togepi had been hard. She had needed time alone to heal, and she didn’t want Ash to see her cry.

    Now Misty wondered if that had been a mistake. It had been such a long time since she had seen Ash, and she was a little anxious. She was afraid that things would be different. That she and Ash had drifted apart. And what of that girl he was traveling with, May? How did he feel about her? May was a sweet girl, and Misty liked her, but she was jealous all the same. She felt as if Ash didn’t need her anymore. But she didn’t want to think about it. Misty swam faster, pushing her body harder to push the thoughts out of her mind.

    Misty was exhausted when she got back to her room. She guessed that she had swum for about an hour. She glanced at the clock. 3:12 A.M. “Three hours?!” she thought. “It didn’t seem like long at all!” Misty changed back into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She gave in to the exhaustion and let the soft, warm covers lull her into a deep sleep.

  2. #2
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    Not bad Hakajin, not bad at all. Although you could make it longer, it's got some merrit.

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    Kinda confusing because you didn't space it out in some places but I think its got pretty good potential. Maybe cutting some paragraphs in half would help with this issue.

    More description and maybe just cutting down a tad on dialouge (don't get me wrong, I'm a dialouge person myself but still, needs description lol). Grammar and spelling were fine though.

    So overall, like I said, I think you've got pretty good potential if ya keep workin' at it. ^^

    LaTeR dAyZ!

  4. #4
    chipsyketchum Guest

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    hey this is a really good start i like it, i agree a bit more description and some spacing but its really good. I hope the rest of it progresses well, please keep writing.

  5. #5
    rikapal03 Guest

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    Nice story Can’t wait 4 next chaps!

    Smile, smile, smile…

  6. #6
    ~Forlorn~ Guest

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    First off, nice SPAM there, dude. Now, to the topic.

    You will be needing need a lot more description. Think about this: What if someone has never watched the anime before? Try to make it seem like we're there with the characters.

    It needs more length. The traditional length of one chapter on Word is 4-7 pages. The rules, however, state that each chapter must be one page? Is this even one page? It doesn't seem like it...

    Finally, overall, it's a decent fic. But, it needs improvement.

    Blaziken out

  7. #7
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    I really like it Hakajin! I love aaml's, so anytime I see one, I'll read it. I like your plot and I hope to see Ash and the gang getting to Misty soon! Good job, I liked the first chapeter! You've got a reader!
    ~Cerulean Girl
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  8. #8

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    I really like this. I'm an AAML, so this fic is perfect for me. It could have been a little longer, but its your first chapter, so there isn't really anything to base it on. The overall description is good, and the story seems to have a basic, but good plot. Keep up the good work. ^^
    Diamond FC: 0988-8206-8441
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Breezy
    Kinda confusing because you didn't space it out in some places but I think its got pretty good potential. Maybe cutting some paragraphs in half would help with this issue.

    More description and maybe just cutting down a tad on dialouge (don't get me wrong, I'm a dialouge person myself but still, needs description lol). Grammar and spelling were fine though.

    So overall, like I said, I think you've got pretty good potential if ya keep workin' at it. ^^

    LaTeR dAyZ!
    Too much dialogue? I was worried that I wouldn't have enought! So it probably sounds kinda forced. Anyway, I probably do need to work on my descriptions. The thing is, I'm afraid of messing up the flow of the story. I'll work on making some natural-sounding descriptions.

  10. #10
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    Now that I read it over, it actually does have a good amount of dialouge. ^^; Guess I got confused with the paragraphing or wasn't reading it but skimming it. Sorry heh *sweat-drops*.

    LaTeR dAyZ!

  11. #11
    chipsyketchum Guest

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    when will the next chapter be up Hakajin?

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    Quote Originally Posted by chipsyketchum
    when will the next chapter be up Hakajin?
    Probably sometime next week. I need to work on it this weekend, and then it'll take some editing. I'd say around Tuesday.

  13. #13
    chipsyketchum Guest

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    sounds great, cant wait to read it, you've got a loyal fan Hakajin

  14. #14
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    Ok, I know I said I'd have the next chapter up by today, but I don't think it's gonna happen. The story started going in a different direction than I intended, and I had to rethink some things before I could start. And it's a lot longer than I thought it would. I'm working on it though, and I'll definately have chapter 2 up by Friday, possibly before.

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    Chapter 2
    I don’t think this chapter is gonna be as good as the last one. I’ve added a lot more description, and the length is better, but I didn’t get to work with inner thought as much. And I really hope I didn’t use too much dialogue. But I hope you enjoy it despite its short-comings. Thank-you for reading!

    Ash was the first one awake that morning. It was still dawn. The air was chilly, and the grass was wet with dew. Ash lay still and waited for the others to wake up. It was taking way too long. He was ready to get going again. The faster they started out, the sooner they would get to Misty’s home.

    After what seemed like hours, someone else stirred. It was Brock. He yawned and stretched before getting out of his sleeping bag and putting his gray vest over his orange shirt. He asked Ash to go look for some firewood for cooking breakfast. It was a chore, but Ash was glad for the excuse to get up. Pikachu was still asleep, so he was very quiet so as not to disturb the little Pokemon. Ash pulled on his blue jacket and his red cap before setting off.

    There had been nothing but meadows for miles, so there wasn’t much wood to be found. But Ash wasn’t really thinking about firewood. Instead he was thinking about how happy he would be to when he was reunited with Misty. He couldn’t wait to get back on the road. Ash finally found a few shrubs and took the wood he needed from them. May, Max, and Pikachu were up by the time he returned. He said good-morning to them and sat down while Brock cooked breakfast.

    Ash inspected what he was making. Bacon, eggs, and pancakes. It smelled delicious, but Ash wasn’t hungry. Not today. He was too excited. He wolfed down what little he did eat and gave the rest to Pikachu. May had almost finished cleaning her plate. “Finally!” Ash thought.
    “Can I have seconds?” May asked.
    Brock responded by spooning out another portion of food onto her plate. Ash let out an exaggerated sigh.
    “Can you please hurry up?!” he whined.
    “Ash, chill! We’ve got all day!” Said May angrily.
    Ash, defeated, let out another sigh.
    “Why are you in such a hurry Ash?” Asked Max. “You hardly even ate. Are you feeling ok?”
    Brock broke in, trying to spare Ash the embarrassment of another comment about his “girlfriend” from May.
    “Max,” he said “I saw a spring a mile or two back. Would you mind taking our water bottles and refilling them?”
    “Sure.” said Max.
    He collected everyone’s bottles and departed. He returned 15 minutes later, and the group was on their way. “That took forever!” Ash thought to himself.
    ♥♥♥♥♥

    Misty’s sister Daisy was greeted by Ash and his friends when she answered the door that afternoon. She already knew Ash and Brock, and she guessed that the other two must be May and Max. Misty had told her and her other sisters, Violet and Lily, about when she had met them a couple of months before.
    “Hi!” She said. “How have you been doing?”
    “Hi Daisy. We’re–”
    But Brock interrupted before Ash could even finish his sectence.
    “Oh my beautiful Daisy, Now that I am with you, I can truly say that I am doing wonderful! Being in your glorious presence has made me the happiest man on Earth!” Everyone sweat-dropped at Brock’s “performance”, and Daisy blushed.
    “Um... Nice to see you again too, Brock.”
    “Brock, we’re here to see Misty.” Max said, grabbing Brock’s ear.
    Daisy was relieved to be free of her suitor.
    “Right. Let me go get her.” She said.

    Daisy found Misty in her bed, still asleep.
    “Misty, get up, your friends are here.” She yelled.
    Misty, startled, rolled over and fell out of bed.
    “What time is it? Why didn’t you get me up sooner?!” She groaned.
    “I tried, but you were like, totally out of it. What did you do yesterday to make yourself so tired?”
    Misty stood up. She was achy all over from swimming the night before.
    “Nothing.” She lied. “ I just didn’t sleep much last night.”
    Daisy left, and Misty changed hurriedly.
    “What to wear, what to wear?” She muttered to herself.
    She finally put on her sleevless yellow hoodie and her jean shorts. Then she quickly pulled her red hair into its familiar side ponytail.
    Downstairs, everyone could hear Misty crashing around in her hurry to get dressed. They all sweat-dropped when she appeared at the door.

    “Hi guys!” She said cheerfully. “Long time no see!”
    Each of her friends greeted her in turn. She looked them over as they spoke.
    Ash looked exactly the same as always, his messy black hair hidden under his cap. She smiled at his sloppiness.
    May wore a red top and white shorts, and finished off her look by pulling her brown hair back with a red bandana. She looked cute. “Too cute.” Misty thought.
    Brock was smiling, cheerful as ever despite his recent rejection by Daisy. It never took Brock long to recover from these little tragedies.
    “Hey Misty, remember me?” Said a small voice.
    “Of course I remember you, Max! It’s nice to see you again.” Replied Misty. She laughed to herself. Even though Max was very smart, he was still an eight year old at heart, and couldn’t stand to be left out by the “older kids”.
    He removed his glasses and polished them with his green shirt.
    “Nice seeing you again, too.” He said, replacing his glasses. Then he got to what he really wanted to say. “Can you show us your Pokemon?”
    His enthusiasm reminded Misty somewhat of Ash.

    “Sure!” She said while leading the group inside the gym. “Ash told me that you want to be a Pokemon Master someday. I’m sure you’ll make it!”
    Max’s cheeks turned red as he thanked Misty for the compliment.

    They walked down a long hall covered in blue tile. On the walls were windows that looked out into an underwater habitat. May jumped a little in surprise as a Gyarados swam past. Ash, Brock, and Max were fascinated by the creature, but May hung back a little.
    “How can you stand those things? They scare me!” She exclaimed.
    “I used to be too,” said Misty “but finally I was able to overcome my fear and I befriended this Gyarados.”
    “I could never train a Gyarados!”
    Ash laughed. “You’ve come a long way though. You used to not like Pokemon at all, but you’ve been doing a good job training them, and you’ve even won a few contests.”
    May grinned. “Yeah, it was hard at first, but I’ve really become close to all of my Pokemon. I’m still afraid of Gyarados, though.”
    Misty was hit by pang of jealousy. She knew it was silly, but she couldn’t help feeling as if she had been excluded from the conversation. She needed a subject change.

    “Look, there’s my Luvdisc! I just caught it recently, so not even Ash and Brock have seen it.”
    Everyone looked where Misty was pointing to see a cute little fish swim past. It was pink and looked sort of like a heart.
    “Wow, Misty, that’s so cool!” Ash said as he took out his Pokedex. “Luvdisc:” it recited, “the rendezvous Pokemon. Luvdisc’s heart-shaped body is a symbol of love and romance. It is said that any couple meeting this Pokemon is promised a loving relationship that never ends.”
    Misty was glad to have Ash’s attention once again, and the incident was soon forgotten.





    Later that day, after lunch, Ash and the others told Misty everything they could remember about their adventures in Hoenn.
    Ash began with his first gym battle in Rustborough against Roxanne. It had been a tough match, but Pikachu came through in the end. He told about how he had caught a grass-type Pokemon, Treeko, and spoke of countless battles with Team rocket. Ash ended his story with his loss in the Hoenn league. Misty had seen this last part on TV, but she was happy to hear it from Ash’s point of view. She had felt so bad for him when she saw his Torkoal fall against the opponent Blaziken, but he accepted the loss gracefully. Misty knew that it had taken a lot of courage. She was so proud of him that day.
    He had really matured since she had first met him in Kanto. That was a day Misty would never forget. She remembered every detail of it: the dazed expression on Ash’s face when she fished him out of the river, how he had destroyed her bike, how concerned he had been for his injured Pikachu...

    “Misty. Hey Misty, are you listening?!” May’s voice brought Misty back to Earth.
    “Huh? What were you saying?”
    “I was going to tell you about some of my Pokemon contests.” May replied.
    Misty listened intently while May told about how nervous she had been in her first contest, and how disappointed she had been when she and Beautifly lost. Then she talked about her friend and contest rival, Drew. May’s face went pink as she talked, and Misty hoped that it meant what she thought it meant. If May liked Drew, then Misty would have no reason to be jealous anymore. May suddenly became silent, and Misty realized that she had been daydreaming again.
    “Oh, sorry.” She said. “What did you just say?”
    May giggled as she proudly took her beauty contest ribbons and began to describe the contests she had won them in. Misty had never been in contest, but she knew that they were no easier than battles, and she was very impressed with May’s achievements.

    Daisy walked into the room just as May finished telling her story.
    “Misty,” she started, “some of our Pokemon were injured in my last battle. Do you think you could like, take them to the Pokemon center?”
    “Why don’t you do it?” Misty snapped.
    “I would, but like, I’m already gonna be late for my hair appointment. Come on Misty, don’t be selfish.”
    “But my friends just got here. Can’t Violet or Lily do it?”
    “They both went into Vermilion City today to do some shopping. Please Misty?” She begged.
    “But–”
    Brock cut Misty off. “It’s ok, we can all go.”
    Misty was puzzled by his willingness to go, but she relented none the less. Soon, Misty and her friends were on their way to the Cerulean Pokemon Center.

    Nurse Joy greeted the group as they walked through the door to the Pokemon Center.
    Misty told her that her Pokemon were injured and handed over her Pokeballs.
    “Don’t worry,” Nurse Joy said, “I’m sure they’ll be good as new with my special treatment!”
    Brock was overcome with emotion. “Oh Nurse Joy,” he gushed, “your superior beauty is surpassed only by your loving care for Pokemon! And that is surpassed only by my love for you!”
    Ash and the others sweat-dropped. “So that’s why he was so eager to come.” He said.
    Nurse Joy laughed nervously as Misty grabbed Brock by the ear.
    “How long will it take to treat my Pokemon?” She inquired, totally ingoring Brock’s pained expression.
    “I’d say about two hours.”
    “Alright, then we’ll be back to pick them up then. Thank-you!”

    “Hey guys, while we’re waiting, why don’t we go to Cerulean Mall? It’s right across the street.” Misty said when they got outside.
    “That’s a great idea!” Squealed May.
    The guys were less enthusiastic, but Misty and May dragged them across the street to the small community mall. Max noticed a video-game store immediately upon entering.
    “Oh, wow, I wonder if they have the latest battle simulation for the Gamestation!”
    “Battle simulation?” Questioned Ash.
    “Yeah, it’s a video-game, but it’s just like a real battle! It’s really fun.”
    “I wanna try it!”
    The group walked up to the store and looked in the window.
    “They have a demo, great!” Ash said.
    “What’s so great about it?” Said Misty sarcastically. “It’s a waste of time to play a video-game when you could be outside having a real battle.”
    “I agree.” Said Brock. “Haven’t you out-grown video-games yet, Ash?”
    Ash looked towards the cash register where a pretty girl was standing.
    “Hey Brock, I bet she likes video-games.”
    Brock looked at the girl too. “Forget what I said!” he exclaimed. “If that beautiful angel likes it, then it can’t be bad! Come on, hurry up!” He said as he pulled Ash and Max inside.

    “How immature!” Said May, but she and Misty were glad to be left alone to do their shopping.
    Misty led May into an upscale shop called “The PokeConnection”. They specialized in clothes that had Pokemon in their patterns.
    “I can’t really afford anything here, but it’s fun to look.” Misty said. She pulled out a long white dress covered in pink and blue Azurills and showed it to May. May was about to tell her how cute it was, but she noticed that Misty had suddenly become nervous. She followed Misty’s gaze to the cash register where a pretty blonde girl wearing a short pink skirt and white tank top was making a purchase. Misty started looking for a place to hide, but it was too late. She had been seen. The girl payed her bill and walked quickly to where Misty and May were standing. She seemed excited to see Misty, but totally ignored May.

    “Oh, Misty!” She said, “I didn’t know you shopped here!”
    “Hi Samantha, what are you doing here?” Misty said nervously.
    “I was just buying a new dress because my boyfriend, Kyle and I have a date tomorrow night. Hey! I know! Why don’t we make it a double date?!” She quickly covered her mouth with her hand. “Oops! Sorry Misty. I forgot– you don’t have a boyfriend.”
    May could see the indignity on Misty’s face.
    “It’s ok, Sam, because it just so happens that I do have a boyfriend.”
    “Oh, so you can come! We’re meeting at that new Chinese restaurant downtown at 7:00. Don’t be late!”
    “We’ll be there.” Misty said fiercely.
    “See you tomorrow night!” Samantha called back as she left.

    “Who was that?” May asked. “Is she your friend?”
    “Not exactly,” Said Misty, “Samantha and I grew up together, but she’s always trying to find ways to put me down. It’s been this way ever since we were little.”
    May nodded. She understood as only another girl could. When boys didn’t like each other, they were honest about it. But girls would feign friendship, even though both of them knew it was a lie.
    “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” May said concernedly.
    “I don’t.” Sighed Misty.
    “What are you going to do?!”
    A sly smile crossed Misty’s face. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a plan.”

    Oh, and by the way, I really do like video-games, but I didn't think Misty or May would. Just wanted to clear that up.

  16. #16
    Lightning Guest

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    Great Story you've got, I can't wait for the next chapter, keep up the good work.
    Hope to hear from you soon, later.

  17. #17

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    Great story ya have here, Hakajin!

    The spelling is great, grammar is great, originality is good, and character in-the-bounds is coming along smoothly! You've done a great job here!

    But maybe tone down the dialouge with a descriptive paragraph every once in a while. It would make this even betta!

    MetalGardevoir

  18. #18
    Kitty Guest

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    hey the second chapter was much better n.n great job

  19. #19
    chipsyketchum Guest

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    Nice, keep them coming. Samantha doesnt sound very nice :S But she sounds like a fair few people i know in real life haha. Anyway this chapter was really good, i agree with MG that you should have a descriptive paragraph every once in a while to really set the scene and the mood. Anyway nonetheless its fantastic and im gonna keep reading!

    xoxo chipsyketchum xoxo

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    Thank-you all for your generous compliments! MG, I'm glad that you thought I did well on the characterization. I think that's the most important part of a fic. I was kinda worried whether I'd get May right since I've seen all of 3 Hoenn episodes. And I'll try to space out the dialogue some. This chapter had the most dialogue though, because I had to get stuff set up. I'm starting chapter 3 soon!

  21. #21
    rikapal03 Guest

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    This is becoming a great story Keep it up

  22. #22
    mystic_girl Guest

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    Wow, that was great! i think the 2nd chapter was better than the first chapter. Length was good. Can't wait till the next chapter arrives! Please keep on writing!

  23. #23
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    I like video games too! That was a great chapter Hakajin! Also, the length was MUCH better! I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Oh, and I REALLY LOVED those Brock scenes with the girls! LOL
    ~Cerulean Girl
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  24. #24
    Destiny Bond Guest

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    Wow Hakajin, I'm really liking it. Even though it's a bit lovey-dovey in a way, it's really good. I think you have all of their personalities down and accurate. Except for a few minor grammar mistakes (lol), I really like it. Keep up the good work and let me know when your next chapter is finished.

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    Sorry I haven't been on lately I was on a Hunting trip. Anyway, another chapter well done. Keep it up!
    Also known as SulliMike23, SullyMike23, and Sullimon311

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