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Thread: The Legendary Pokemon Legion [Part 1]

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    5

    Default The Legendary Pokemon Legion [Part 1]

    (Past flashback)
    I was walking around with my latias. I've had it since it was a baby. It was beat up and stained with blood when I first found it. It was dying back when i found it as a baby. Anyways-back to when she is older(now), I saw something dark shoot at Latias and she was hit by it. She sadly cooed as she fell off a high cliff. She hit the ground and she was presumed dead. Then the darkness went inside of my body. I had no idea what it was. Then everything went black. I awoke in a ice mountain. I did not know where this place was. I yelled for Latias, but I knew she wouldn't respond. She was dead. I called out my blastoise. We were cold, and we agreed we were going to need a cave. I saw a very cute baby latias outside of the cave. She held twigs and firewood in her fragile hands. She cooed and entered the cave. Me and blastoise followed. Then she got scared as we approached her. I told her we were nice and we were not going to hurt her. (Maybe we'll think negative in a second, because I'm really hungry) Well, we set up the campfire using the firewood. She cuddled next to me and cooed in a cute voice. Then I felt a weird aura from my body. It was that weird black thing again. "All eon pokemon on this planet will suffer cruelty" the black thing said. Then black stuff came out of me and tied the latias to the ground. It cried in vain, and it looked so bad, I cried myself. It was squeezed hard. Then it disappeared in black fire. Then I heard a final coo from the latias as it disappeared.

    (Now)

    I was walking in the forest with my 6 Machamp and we found 2 eon pokemon playing; latias and latios. I heard that stupid voice again. "There's no escaping now, these pokemon won't live on this land for long" the grim thing said. Somehow, a ice beam launched out of my mouth and froze the Latias and Latios to death. They then flew to me. Then, a giant building came out of the ground in front of me. 1000's of other machamp appeared by my machamp. They all saluted to me. And I was sucked into The building.
    Last edited by Kmerr; 30th April 2013 at 4:34 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Journeying through Hoenn
    Posts
    4,959

    Default

    Please read the Fan Fiction Rules before you post here. Your story is far too short and isn't properly formatted, with poor paragraphing - start a new paragraph each time a new person speaks or a new topic is covered. You should also be adhering to basic rules of writing, such as capitalizing "I" and the names of Pokemon, writing out numbers "two" instead of "2" and "thousands" instead of "1000s."

    Please read the rules before you post again.

    ~Psychic

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Iceland
    Posts
    4,764

    Default

    Please read the rules of the Fan Fiction forum. This is much too short (we require chapters in chaptered stories to be at least around two pages in Microsoft Word, or 1000 words) and does not use proper paragraphing.

    You may repost your story in a new thread when you have made appropriate edits to ensure that it follows the rules of the forum.

    EDIT: Ahaha, mod-ninja'd by Psychic.

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

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