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Thread: Pokémon reMastered

  1. #1
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    Default Pokémon reMastered

    This is a great undertaking that I'm undertaking again. I've written this a dozen times and each time it's finished at a different place, the characters have been slightly different and the outcome has been different. I hope you take this with a pinch of salt, as this is my take on the Anime, whether it match up with yours or not. This is simply how I would have preferred the show to have gone. I don't expect you to completely take away all ideas in your head of the characters, but please remember this isn't technically simply a written version of the show, more so the work I have created heavily inspired by all that is from the show. I will explain this more in the Author's Note at the end, so please take note of that. Also, just be aware that there is a little bit of exposition in this chapter, but I promise future chapters will have less so.

    ****

    Chapter 1: Falling Behind

    As night fell on the small home, a light could be seen flickering from one of the upper floor windows. They flashed and changed hue rapidly. From the point of view of a neighbour passing through the streets of the quaint town, it might look like fireworks were being set off inside one of the rooms, but that wasn’t the case.

    Inside the house, Ashley Catch was watching the television in his bedroom. It wasn’t a large television, and it didn’t have a lot of the bells and whistles of most coming out at the time, but the colours were vibrant due to the programme on the screen.

    “Onix is unable to battle!” called a commentator on the show, though the screen showed a huge serpent composed of segmented boulders collapsed on the field of a stadium, opposite a large green reptile with an even bigger flowering tree growing from its back. The commentator continued, “Clover’s Venusaur has won this round. Can she take out Cliff’s final Pokémon?”

    Come on… Ashley pleaded. This was a spectacle he had been waiting months for; what he was watching was the current Elite Four being challenged by the champion of the most recent Pokémon League Tournament, a competition for only the best trainers and breeders. Clover, the tournaments winner, would be able to enter the Elite Four should she win this last battle.

    “Come on out, Golem!” yelled the owner of the Onix. Ashley could barely see the man on the television screen, and could only just hear his gruff voice over the cheers of the crowd, but his eyes caught a small ball being thrown onto the field where Onix had been just moments ago. The ball hit the floor and cracked open to reveal a burst of white energy. Quickly, almost without being noticed, the energy took a solid form in a creature shorter than the man, but almost perfectly round. The body looked like a man-made boulder, with two arms and two legs, standing slightly hunched forward.

    As the referee shouted for them to begin, the female trainer, Clover, ordered an attack Ash could quite hear from her Pokémon, Venusaur. The Pokémon stood still but flexing, as if straining to move something. A moment later, two thick vines sprung from the leaves of the tree and moved as if controlled by Venusaur, flying towards the Golem and wrapping themselves around him. Ashley began to shake with excitement; Pokémon varied in how they performed or interacted with humans, but many humans took to training Pokémon for competitions, or battles. This was something Ash had been learning about his whole life. Having turned ten a weekend before, he had now come of age and could start his own journey as a legal Pokémon Trainer.

    Just as Golem began to spin around violently into a ball, Ashley’s bedroom door was being knocked. He rushed to the TV to turn it off, and then answered the door. On the other side was his mother, tapping her feet.

    “What do you think you’re doing still awake, young man?” she asked him. There was never any question about how much Ashley’s mother loved him, but even still he had always been fearful of getting on her bad side. Having seen her explode twice in his life, he knew better. The first had been at the local celebrity, Professor Oak, a man who found fame studying Pokémon, when he had asked her to leave Ashley’s father to work with him on another region alongside a student of his that had left. The second time had been at his father when he had decided to rekindle his love for training Pokémon and left them four years ago. This gave him cause to answer truthfully, yet tactfully.

    “I was watching the Champion Battle, mom,” he told her, trying his hardest to look a little guilty. “They’re showing the final tonight and I figured since I’m starting my journey tomorrow morning, I could get some last minute pointers.”

    This tugged at her; one thing he knew above all else was that she was devoted to him and his future. Sighing, she walked over to the television and turned it back on, grabbing the remote control and sitting at the side of his bed.

    “If you’re going to waste sleep before your first proper day travelling-“

    “I’ve travelled before, mom!” Ashley interrupted, remembering the day Professor Oak had come to his school to take the children that would be turning ten before the next Pokémon Day; the day newly crowned ten year olds would begin their journeys. In honesty, the only eventful thing that had happened was when Professor Oak had showed them how to catch a little Pikachu.

    “Oh please, Ashley, let’s not pretend a school trip counts against a journey,” she retorted, standing up again, “and you know how hard letting you go is going to be. I’ve prepared for this ever since I found out I was pregnant with you, but I know what happens on a journey. I know you may never come home again.”

    “Mom, I’m not going to die,” Ashley tried to make that sound as sincere as possible; the idea that there were trainers dying of starvation or from the elements or indeed using Pokémon was something that floated around everyone. The Pokémon League did their best to take care of travellers where and when they could, so the thought of not making it back home had never entered Ashley’s head before.

    “I wasn’t thinking anything of the sort!” his mother roared, fists clenched on her hips and bending to stare at him. “Not until you put it in my head, at least.”

    “What do you mean then, mom?”

    “When I went on my journey, I loved being away from home,” she began, sitting back down and controlling her temper slightly. Ashley could see her fists still clenched at her legs, though. “I travelled everywhere with my Pokémon, and I didn’t think of anything but showing my parents, your grandparents, my trophies from the world. Then, I met a trainer who put all of my skill to shame.

    “I wasn’t a bad trainer mind you, and I’m sure I still have my old badges somewhere here, but this young man was…just exceptionally talented. When I saw that, I thought, “Why bother? If I get to the Pokémon League Official Tournament, I’ll just lose to him.” At this point I had a decision to make; did I train extra hard to beat him, or did I change direction. What do you think I did, Ashley?”

    Ashley thought for a quick moment before answering. “If it were me, I’d train every day and night until I beat every trainer in my path!”

    “Well that’s all well and good for you, darling, but for me…seeing that inspired me to a completely different field.” Delilah looked thoughtfully out of the window. “I found my way to a hilltop to the new laboratory set up by the famous Professor Samuel Oak and offered myself to him as a research assistant. My Pokémon were transferred into his ownership and for almost twenty years I worked and watched as traders in caravans became market stalls and once empty hillsides became filled with sounds of building.”

    “That was Pallet Town, right mom?”

    “That’s right, Ashley,” his mother answered him, “although at the time it was just a village called Pallet. As it were, the twenty years passed by quickly, and I became enamoured with every facet of Pokémon, more so than I had when I was training them. And then, the trainer I had quit for came blundering into town, feeling his journeying days were over and wanting the Professor to give him some advice on what to do now. Sam asked him to stay in Pallet and help the new villagers become a tight nit community with new services and a stronger sense of security. He made me feel so…different.”

    There was a silence for a while, and by looking at her Ashley could tell that she was getting a little bit upset.

    “Was it dad?”

    “Yes, it was.” She didn’t seem to want to say more for the time being.

    “So what does that have to do with me not coming home?”

    Delilah looked at him hard, tears forming in her eyes. To her, this son was the best gift her husband could have given her.

    “Ashley, at what point in that story did you hear me mentioning going back home, even once?”

    Ashley thought for a moment before it hit him. “You didn’t go back.”

    The realisation hit Ashley; his mother didn’t mean he’d die, but she had prepared herself to never see him again, in case his journey took him somewhere she couldn’t follow. She put her arm around his shoulder and squeezed before standing back up with the remote, switching the channel to Professor Oak’s Starter Origin show, in which he spoke about the importance of the three traditional starters given out in the Kanto region.

    “Watch TV for another thirty minutes, then it’s lights out!” Delilah told him, leaving the room without looking back at him. Ashley wished he could promise her he’d always come back home, but after hearing her tale he knew that wasn’t something he could guarantee. So he watched intently.

    As Ashley lay down in bed, he wondered what he’d choose of the three. They were all reptilian; each with a different elemental property the Pokémon League referred to as “types”. The first was called Bulbasaur and was unique in that it represented two of these type; Grass and Poison, represented by the colours green and purple, respectively. It was the youngest form of the Pokémon he had seen battle at the Champion League earlier. The next Pokémon was called Charmander, and stood on two feet, its tail blazing at the tip with its classification; Fire type, represented by the colour orange. The third and final starter Pokémon was called Squirtle, and was encased in a thick shell. It was recognised as being of the Water type, represented by the colour blue.

    Each of these grew at a similar rate to each other, and gave a balanced fight against many of the leaders of Pokémon Gym’s around the land, meaning the advantages were weighed fairly. It was because of this that Ashley couldn’t decide which of them he’d choose to take on his adventure; the Pokémon that would be his partner potentially for the rest of his life.

    His eyes began to droop and so he turned the television off, lying on his side and switching off his lamp. As sleep took over, Ashley began to dream of his imminent journey. He dreamed of what it would be like to use Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle, and the advantages of each. This dream took him so deeply that, hours later, his alarm clock pulsed with noise, but didn't wake him as the sun came up over Pallet Town.

    ****

    {Author's Note: So as I said, there is a lot of exposition here, but most of it was necessary from my point of view. Exposition is sometimes necessary at the beginning of a story, more so than any other point. Now, last time I got a little heat for changing the names. For one, I can do what I want, lol. For a second point, Ashley will be called Ash after a couple of chapters, and you'll see why, and Delilah wasn't always called Delilah. It's a little twist that'll come into play perhaps as soon as the next chapter, or the chapter after that (in the next couple, anyway) so don't worry about that. Now, I implore you to comment and let me know what you think. The action will come into play soon, so try not to get bored right away! That's all for now!}
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


  2. #2
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    Chapter 01


    A little bit more exposition in this chapter than there will be in future chapters. Noted.

    Inside the house, Ashley Catch was watching the television in his bedroom.
    I must admit this threw me off.

    As Ashley lay down in bed, he wondered what he’d choose of the three. They were all reptilian; each with a different elemental property the Pokémon League referred to as “types”. The first was called Bulbasaur and was unique in that it represented two of these type; Grass and Poison, represented by the colours green and purple, respectively. It was the youngest form of the Pokémon he had seen battle at the Champion League earlier. The next Pokémon was called Charmander, and stood on two feet, its tail blazing at the tip with its classification; Fire type, represented by the colour orange. The third and final starter Pokémon was called Squirtle, and was encased in a thick shell. It was recognised as being of the Water type, represented by the colour blue.
    The Pokemon color representations and specified heights, or what have you, really weren’t necessary. Even if you thought it was, it could’ve easily been moved to when the main character is picking their Pokemon and Oak could’ve been explaining this stuff to him. At least then it would’ve presented a more acceptable case for info-dumping on us.

    Other than that, I won’t comment on much else. The grammar is good and such. The chapter was too short for me to judge anything to any significant extent though and you added a disclaimer for the exposition in this chapter. I’ll be able to do more serious critiquing then.

    Fighting for real American turtles everywhere. Pro-Turtle since 6/30/13

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    Thanks for commenting/reviewing. One question, where did I mention anyone's height? However, I do agree, I could have stuck the Type Colour Coding later on, especially when he get's to choose his starter. Haha, yeah, I thought...would it be easier to call him Ash outright then comment on the fact that his full name is Ashley, or call him Ashley and give him a reason later on to call himself Ash...I went with the latter. Hope you're around for the next chapter, too!
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Yes, it seems I misread "stands on two feet" and "is two feet." I apologize for the mistake.

    Fighting for real American turtles everywhere. Pro-Turtle since 6/30/13

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    This is quite interesting. I like the story that Deliah tells Ashley. Ash seems a lot like the canon version of himself as of, now, seeing as you haven't had anything but one chapter to develop the character. The plot is okay, but canon isn't really something I'm interested in... Hopefully this will split away from the canon story at some point. Deliah seems a lot more involved than in canon.

    So, yeah. Good fic so far.

    Keep writing!

    -Shymain

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    Yes, it seems I misread "stands on two feet" and "is two feet." I apologize for the mistake.
    Ah, I thought that was what you might be referencing. Yeah. I should perhaps take a look through and think about rewording that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shymain View Post
    This is quite interesting. I like the story that Deliah tells Ashley. Ash seems a lot like the canon version of himself as of, now, seeing as you haven't had anything but one chapter to develop the character. The plot is okay, but canon isn't really something I'm interested in... Hopefully this will split away from the canon story at some point. Deliah seems a lot more involved than in canon.
    Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you're interested in sticking with it to see what may change, and I'm very glad you like (at least I think you do) my new characterisation of Delilah. The next Chapter should hopefully be posted the same time next week!
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Here's Chapter 2, guys. Hope you enjoy this. Remember to read the AN at the end for some interesting tidbits!

    ****


    Chapter 2: The Race to Begin

    Bright morning light was breaking through the curtains over his bedroom window when Ashley finally woke up. For a small moment his excitement had left, and in his mind it was any other morning. Then the realisation of what day it was hit him.

    “My Pokémon journey begins today!” he shouted to the world. This was a day he had been preparing to take for over a year and nothing could take away his joy. Getting out of bed, he ran to the bathroom, using the toilet and brushing his teeth. He looked at his hair in the mirror after splashing water on his face and considered trying to do something to flatten it down when an idea came over him.

    Running back into his bedroom, he went into his cupboard, rummaging through clutter until he found what he was looking for. In his hands was a cap he had won in a competition, a competition he had needed to enter what felt like hundreds of times, but finally he had won the thing. It didn’t really go with any of his clothes, and he had put it in his cupboard with other things he had no use for.

    Going into his wardrobe, he grabbed a black t-shirt, a pair of denim jeans and a blue and white jacket. As he put them on, he happened to glance at the time, thinking to check how big a breakfast he could have. It was then he noticed it was almost noon, which was very bad considering he was supposed to be at Professor Oak’s laboratory for ten o’clock.

    “Mom!” Ashley called as loudly as he could, hurriedly pushing a pair of socks and his shoes on his feet. When she didn’t answer, he called again. “Mom, I’m late!”

    Once again, Ashley got no answer. He almost jumped down the stairs, he ran so fast. When he got down there, Ashley began to search for his mother, but couldn't find her. Once in the kitchen, he pulled a nanab berry from the fruit bowl and crammed as much of in his mouth as he opened the back door and ran out. As the door slammed shut, a letter on the table with Ashley’s name on it blew to the floor next to a packed backpack.

    Out in the town’s fields, he began to run, jumping over the small picket fence that boarded the Catch household’s garden. Ashley could see Professor Oak’s laboratory at the foot of the Pallet Hills, so he knew where he was going. As he ran, he began to see more people going about their business in the town.

    After running for as long as he could, he stopped to catch his breath. A man was collecting his mail from the front of his home and noticed Ashley, waving to him.

    “Hi, Mr. Periwinkle,” Ashley said through deep breaths. Mr. Periwinkle was the father of one of the children that had turned ten this year; one of Ashley’s rivals from the get go.

    “Good morning Ashley,” Mr. Periwinkle replied, going through his letters. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Professor Oak’s laboratory?”

    “I’m running late, sir!” Ash told him, rubbing his legs. “I have to go now. Goodbye!”

    Ashley ran as the man chuckled to himself. It took him a long time to get to the steps of the Oak Ranch, but once he was finally there, despite being out of breath, he began to job up the steps to the main building, where he knew Professor Oak, and the Pokémon he would be starting his journey with, would be waiting.

    Arriving at the front entrance, Ashley rang the bell and waited for someone to answer. A moment passed before the door opened, and Ash had a chance to realise his mistake; the bag he had filled with his clothes to travel with had been left at the house. His plan was to leave as soon as he had his Pokémon; now he’d have to return home first.

    When the door opened, Ashley was shocked to see his mother standing there, shaking her head.

    “Mom, what are you doing here?” he asked.

    “I could ask you the same question, Ashley!” she said, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him inside. “Why are you so late?”

    Being pulled through the Professor’s home didn’t give him much chance to reply with anything except; “I woke up late.” This brought a shrill laugh from the room ahead of them. As Delilah pulled him inside, Ashley noticed the group of people. Tall, and the only one standing up, was Professor Oak himself. His grey hair showed his age, but the awards and accolades around his home and laboratory showed his prowess. He was taller than Ashley’s mother, and stood with a small device in his hands.

    “Glad you could finally make it, Ashley,” Professor Oak said to him, a knowing smile on his face. “You’re aware you were supposed to be here on time, aren’t you?”

    “Yes, Professor,” he replied, blushing a little bit. “But I’m here now, and I’m ready to begin my journey.”

    He heard laughter from the other children, namely Gareth Oak. He was the grandson of Professor Oak, and had always considered himself at the top of their class, no matter what Ashley and the others would do. He and Gareth had often come to blows and promised to defeat each other once they had Pokémon.

    Sitting next to him was Allison Periwinkle, daughter of the man he had run into earlier, and Jonathon Redcap, one of Ashley’s earliest friends. All three of them had turned ten before Ashley had, but since journeys always started at the beginning of April, everyone since the previous April had to wait before they could start. Ashley had turned ten only a week before, so there hadn’t been much of a wait for him.

    “Hi, everyone.” He said, and only Jonathon waved to him in reply.

    “Gramps, can we just get on with it!” Gareth said to the Professor, his smarmy attitude making one of Professor Oak’s assistants slam her hand on a table.

    “Gareth, you will show respect!” the young lady said without turning around. Ashley wondered who it was and what Gareth would say in the oncoming argument. However, Gareth just bowed his head and apologised, and Ashley knew who she was.

    “Hi, Daisy,” Ashley said to her, and she turned around smiling.

    “Late again, Ashley?” she asked. Daisy Oak was Gareth’s older sister, and much nicer than he was. She was sixteen years old, and a little while into her Pokémon Journey she had come back home, wanting to work with their grandfather and learn more about Pokémon. Ever since then, she had taken part with the Professor in their classes.

    “Regardless of how late Ashley is,” Professor Oak began, sitting Ash down at the table, “the fact is, the others are almost done. Ashley, you can wait until they’re finished. Now, where were we?”

    “We were deciding what name was going on our Trainer ID,” Jonathon told him. This was common practice; trainers often chose their own name to appear on the Trainer ID, giving credence to the common thought that this was the real beginning of their life. His mother had done it, too; apparently her birth name was Delia.

    “Ah, yes, thank you,” the Professor said, pulling his laptop back over to him. “Now, we’ve done Allison; or should I say Alice. Now, let me just switch the page here. Ashley, you’re on here next, but I have to sort out your ID Number before I can finish it, so we’ll do yours later. Gareth, you’re up next. What’s your name?”

    “Ha! I’ll go as Gary!” he said, crossing his arms and acting cool. “Gary Oak, Pokémon Master!”

    Professor Oak typed a little, and then turned to Jonathon. “What about you, Jonathon?”

    “I want my father to be proud of me,” Jonathon said, whose father had passed away a few years before. “I was named after him and I want to keep my name.”

    This happened just as often as trainers renaming themselves. It wasn’t much of a shock to anyone, since it was the trainer’s choice in the end.

    “Perfect,” Professor Oak said, clicking in a few places on his laptop. “Daisy, could you get the Trainer ID’s from the printer, please.”

    “Of course, grandfather,” Daisy said, winking at Ashley before leaving the room. At this point, Professor Oak stood up.

    “Come along, then, Ashley,” he said, walking toward one of the doors. Ashley and his mother followed as his three classmates finished, ahead of him as always. This irritated Ashley, so he vowed that once he started his journey, he’d race ahead and beat them.

    As they got into part of the laboratory, Professor Oak stopped by a machine. Ashley didn’t really understand any of it, but he knew what was inside of it. These were called Incubation Machine’s, and were made to take care of Pokémon eggs. The mechanics of Pokémon Breeding were unknown in their entirety to the world, let alone Ashley, but he knew that Pokémon could merge their energies to create a new egg at the least.

    The egg was yellow with a few black and red markings, and it was small. He crept closer to take a peek, but his mother grabbed his collar.

    “Be careful, Ashley,” she told him, pulling him back slightly, “this egg’s about to hatch.”

    Concentrating, Ashley realised she was right. The egg was making a strange humming sound and every few seconds, patches of it began to glow. Professor Oak went to a desk and picked up a capturing ball from it. Pokéballs had been developed years ago and made training Pokémon easier. Pokémon could be stored in a dimension of their own, created by the scientists who made the balls. As they hit a targeted Pokémon, they opened and converted all of the creature’s energy into a substance known as mana, and contained it for later use.

    As the years went by, new Pokéballs were designed, with greater efficiency and sometimes special features. It had been the norm for many decades now for the Pokéballs to be voice activated, and linked to the trainer who purchased the balls from a Market. Since everything was electronic these days, it was easy for them to keep track.

    As the Professor returned to them, Ashley noticed it wasn’t a ball with the normal colourings.

    “What kind of Pokéball is that, Professor?” Ashley asked him.

    “This is a ball created in another country called a Nest Ball,” Professor Oak replied, placing it in Ashley’s hands. “It works much better on younger Pokémon than anything else, so a freshly hatched Pokémon will have no trouble being caught.”

    “Your father has been in contact with me a lot recently, Ashley,” his mother told him. “He arranged all of this; his Pokémon created the egg that is waiting here for you, and the Incubator has ensured it would hatch today. You’re lucky that we could keep it from hatching for so long, after you were late.”

    That threw Ashley for a moment, as he hadn’t personally heard from his father for months. However confused he was that he wouldn’t be started with a traditional started like the other trainers, he was excited to be using the child of his father’s Pokémon.

    “Now, Ashley,” began Professor Oak, “the Pokémon here will be a little more difficult to train than the three traditional starting Pokémon; we’ve spoken about this in class. Some Pokémon are for experienced trainers instead of beginning trainers. This one will be somewhere in between, so you’ll have to work harder than the other three to make it strong and battle for you.

    “Once it hatches; as soon as it hatches, you’ll need to throw that Nest Ball. After that, the rest is up to you, my boy.”

    “Won’t it be unfair on the other three if I have a Pokémon that’s stronger than theirs?” Ashley asked, wondering if that was going to annoy Gareth, or Gary as he would be known now.

    “Oh, I don’t think it’ll bother them,” Delilah told him, smiling, “since they all got something special, too. Professor Oak was feeling generous this year, especially to his grandson.”

    This worried Ashley; would he meet Gary with something he had no chance of beating, or was he going to find himself watching Gary at the Pokémon League tournament held in only a year’s time.

    “What does-“ he began, but his mother placed her hand over his mouth and pointed. The egg was beginning to hatch!

    Ashley watched as the whole egg took on a bright blue-white glow; when he had been having his classes with Professor Oak, they had all been squinting when they had first seen this light in person, but the Professor kept showing them the light, the same light that occurred when a Pokémon was brought out of a Pokéball, so that they would become used to it. He was.

    The egg began changing shape, separating and spreading into the limbs of the Pokémon. As the light began to fade, Ashley noticed the shape of it a little better. It was a small Pokémon with a round body and an even bigger round head. Atop the head were two large diamond shaped ears, and it had small hands and feet.

    The light had faded completely now and Ashley was looking at the small yellow-furred Pokémon with awe. It looked an awful lot like a Pokémon he knew well; a Pikachu. This must be related somehow. He was about to ask about it when the Professor pointed and mimed throwing a Pokéball.

    As Ashley did, the Pokémon only had a chance to give a curious questioning glance before the ball hit it on the tip of one of its ears, almost missing. I need to work on that, he thought as the ball opened up. From inside the ball in a split second, several strands of red mana sprung out and wrapped themselves around the Pokémon. The Pokémon struggled a little, but seemed more intent on seeing what one of the strands tasted like. It seemed to happen in slow motion for Ashley, but in reality it only took a second or two. The strands of red mana began to spread all over the Pokémon’s body, converting the Pokémon’s own natural energy into a matching transparent red mana.

    Once its entire body was changed, the mana was all sucked back into the Nest Ball, which snapped shut and fell to the floor, rocking slightly. In almost no time at all, the ball stopped rocking and the small button in the centre stopped glowing red. Ashley had caught his first Pokémon.

    He looked at his mother, who was tearing up a little bit, and then to Professor Oak who was nodding appreciatively, before picking the ball up and looking properly at it. The bottom was white just like a normal Pokéball, but the top was striped with green and yellow; and it contained the Pokémon that would hopefully be with him for the rest of his life. A sudden sense of independence hit him.

    “My Trainer ID needs to show my name as Ash.” He told them firmly. “Ash Catch.”

    ****

    {Author's Note: A little exposition-heavy again, but it's sometimes best to get it all out there. There's obviously a lush world of characters, history and geography that I need/want to go into as the story goes on, so exposition may become a staple. In my original plans, these chapters went on for a long time, but people didn't seem to like that, plus when writing it this time and intending to do the same, it didn't really seem to fit the pace. It felt right to have Ash get his own Pokemon at the end of this chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed me letting Ash catch it himself. Now for some of the other characters, I have always liked having Oak as more of a mentor of the kids than just the local celebrity. Oak has known these children for years and lives nearby, so it only makes sense that he'd do something a little special for them. We will find out next chapter that it actually is everyone in Kanto that comes to Oak, as we will see another future-trainer on her way to Oak for her own starter. It made sense that the Pokemon League would want an official Professor to dole out Pokemon to everyone, and with that it then also made sense that he'd try to spread the distributions to different days. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and next time Ash'll be setting off on his journey for real and meeting aforementioned trainer. Let me know what you thought, and I will try to get the new chapter to you same time next week.}
    Last edited by DANdotW; 28th May 2013 at 9:30 AM.
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


  8. #8
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    Well, this chapter was quite nice. You made a few ties to the canon, which I wasn't so happy about, but it's your choice, I guess. I love your visualization of the way that a Pokčmon is put in its ball- it's simply amazing.

    Just a couple of mistakes here- when introducing Daisy Oak, her first sentence had a 'she' speaking it when daisy hadn't even been described- either talk about Ash noticing her and describe her, and keep the 'she', or change it to 'the young lady' or something similar.

    Also, you never had anyone tell us that the Nest Ball was called a Nest Ball (even though I knew that), so you can't really just call it a Nest Ball out of nowhere.

    So, yeah, great chapter. Glad I caught this as you posted it (well, a bit after, but still...)

    -Shymain

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    Thanks for posting ^_^ Yeah, I just noticed that about Daisy. Guess I'm a but rusty still at proofreading. Fixed both of those now, and the story now reads a little better with them, so thank you. Which ties to the canon were you unhappy about, by the way? Might be something I can work on for myself within the world I envision anyway.
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    No, I mean that parts of this were like the canon (having Delilah actually be named Delia like the canon), if you see what I mean. Interesting concept to have your name changed when registering yourself as a trainer...

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    Ah, I see. Yeah, I thought it gave me an easy way to give trainers an option. Jonathon didn't take it, but a lot of trainers just tweak their name. Ash and Gary, and even Alice are examples of this. There is a trainer later on that changes her name due to embarrassment of it, so it really makes it seem like at this point in their life, they become adults and make all the decisions; their life is theirs.

    Thanks for getting back to me, though ^_^
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Chapter 02

    but could find her
    Couldn’t*

    A lot of exposition going on here. Some of it is useful while some of it isn’t. For instance, why did we have to learn Delia’s real name in that way? It was revealed in the exposition bit and I feel that Oak could have stated as much when explaining to Ash why trainer ID names are for. It comes of as less exposition-y than a narrator saying it since Ash would naturally not know what any of this stuff is for.

    This irritated Ashley, so he vowed that once he started his journey, he’d race ahead and beat them.
    This is another bit I think had potential. You could’ve shown this through Ash’s actions rather than just telling us. Ash’s rivals are always ahead of him? If so then show us that they always are ahead of him. If he has to vent about it, it should probably be at a low point in his story to his Pokémon or a friend. Doing it this way feels like you wasted a perfectly good plot device for later on.

    The rest of the chapter was pretty good I guess. I’m not sure how I feel about the amount of exposition you stated would be in the story. With things like fanfiction, we have to remember that it’s exactly what it is: fiction made by fans about a published fiction. The people reading it will almost surely be people familiar with the source material. With that said, maybe you can turn down the future exposition that you may be planning to do.

    Fighting for real American turtles everywhere. Pro-Turtle since 6/30/13

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    It definitely won't me as much later on as it is here at the start, so it will be less of a problem as it goes on. I agree about the fandom knowing everything already, but I've always been taught to write as if nobody know's this world; it should be fleshed out just as your own would be.

    Also, that was the seed for the conflict later on. It will become a plot later in the story when he actually starts losing battles, but it was meant to imply that during the classes they've been having for years to prepare them (which is where Ash would have learned about changing names, and therefore his mother's original name), they were all ahead of him.

    Thanks so much for commenting though, and I hope you continue to read on! ^_^ The next chapter should be at some point this week, I think.

    (Also, thanks for pointing that mistake out to me! As I say, clearly my proofreading leaves a lot to be desired!)
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Quote Originally Posted by Iota View Post
    I agree about the fandom knowing everything already, but I've always been taught to write as if nobody know's this world; it should be fleshed out just as your own would be.
    True but at the same time you should realize who's going to read your stories: Pokemon fans. Maybe I'm just worrying since you said that you're going to be adding quite a but of exposition though. Possibly an overreaction.

    Fighting for real American turtles everywhere. Pro-Turtle since 6/30/13

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    Possibly I'm glad to have you on board for criticism, though. Like an online agent/editor ^_^
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Chapter 3: It Finally Begins…

    Delilah and Professor Oak stared at Ashley, now Ash, for a moment before the Professor cleared his throat and spoke up.

    “That’s a very good choice, Ash,” he stated with a smile, “but there are a couple of things we need to get through first.”

    He took the Pokéball from Ash’s hands and motioned for them to follow him. Back in the room they began in, Ash saw that his three rivals had now left; he was going to be the last one to leave Pallet Town on his adventure. Daisy was back at another desk, searching through the internet for something or other. Oak sat them down.

    “Now Ash,” he began, “as all new trainers, you’re tasked not only with making your career, but also to generate more knowledge on Pokémon themselves. By taking your Trainer ID and License, you’re under protection and employ by the Pokémon League Corporation.

    “Through that, you will have a discount at stores until you get your first Gym Badge, or after your first month of training has passed, as well as discounted lodging at Pokémon Centre’s for the same amount of time. As you know, the money you wager against Gym Battles will go to the PLC if you lose. However, you will also be carrying around a Pokédex.”

    Professor Oak reached into his coat and pulled out a small slate grey metal device that looked somewhat like a booklet. Ash had seen this before; the Pokémon Dexter, or Pokédex, was an encyclopaedia of Pokémon. When used to scan a Pokémon, all relevant data was processed and sent to the PLC to not only store information about all kinds of Pokémon and their individual behaviours, but also as data for Pokémon League Tournaments.

    The older male reached over and grabbed his laptop once again, searching through.

    “Now, to connect you to the system, we have to fill in these forms,” he went on, tapping away on the keyboard. “Luckily for you, most of this has already been filled in for you by your mother. Now, you say you want your name to be Ash now, is that correct?”

    “Yes,” Ash replied, knowing it felt right.

    “Then that will go onto it,” the Professor told him, clicking a few times. “Daisy, my dear, could you head to the printer for me please?”

    “Of course, Professor,” Daisy answered, smiling at him before leaving the room.

    “While we wait for that, we can sort everything else out,” Professor Oak told him, holding out the Pokédex. “That Pokédex serves as your main form of identification. If you ever lose your Training License, you will need this to confirm who you are so that a Pokémon Centre can print another one.

    “Now comes the fun part. You need to connect your voice to the system so the Pokéballs you buy can be registered to your voice pattern.”

    Professor Oak had Ash go through a script, reading things out loud while the Pokédex recorded. Using this, the Pokédex adopted Ash’s voice, and in future would use that to read off information about different Pokémon and also prove he is who he is. Once done, Professor Oak got another smaller device from his lab coat and scanned the Nest Ball with it.

    “There we go, Ash,” he said, handing the patterned Pokéball back to him, “that ball is now registered to you, as will all future ones you buy with your trainer license. As I’ve told you before, if you ever find any Pokéball’s, make sure you register them to yourself at the nearest Pokémon Centre, or they won’t work. Now, let’s take a proper look at your new Pokémon.”

    Ash obliged, throwing the Nest Ball onto the floor and as it hit the tiled floor, it burst open with a flash of white light. When the light had compacted itself into a form of energy and solidified, the Pokémon Ash had caught had reappeared. It was covered all over in a short yellow fur, accented at both ears and tail with black fur.

    Before he had recognised the Pokémon as similar to Pikachu, and now that he saw the two pink patches of fur sitting on the Pokémon’s cheeks, he knew it had to be closely related.

    “Professor, what is this Pokémon?” he asked the older male. They had studied a lot in preparation of their journey, and while Ash knew he wouldn’t be able to remember all the Pokémon they had seen, he was sure he hadn’t seen this particular one before.

    “This Pokémon is called Pichu,” the Professor replied, taking a seat next to Ash’s mother, “and it is what we call the “pre-evolution” of the Pokémon Pikachu.”

    “I thought there was only Pikachu and Raichu in that family,” Ash asked, sure they had covered the family.

    “There are many Pokémon in this world, Ashley,” Professor Oak told him, taking a piece of folded paper from a desk and spreading it out to reveal a world map. Ash recognised Kanto and some of the landmarks, and also knew a little about both Johto and the Sevii Islands, since they were all connected with Kanto as part of the Tohjo Continent. After that he recognised nothing. “The Pokémon we looked at during your training were all from this region. Pichu is a Pokémon that is related directly by evolution to Pikachu, but it mainly lives east of the Silver Mountains in Johto. Pikachu tend to migrate there to breed.”

    “Regardless,” Delilah said, tapping her fingers on the desk, “your father acquired this for you, but don’t go thinking that you’re any more special than the others, okay Ashley?”

    “My name’s Ash now, mom,” Ash told her, holding his head high, “and I don’t need a Pokémon from Johto to be special. I’m the most special trainer from Pallet Town just because I’m the best.”

    Delilah chuckled and Professor Oak smiled.

    “Well, it’s time you went out and proved it, Ash,” the Professor said, reaching over to point at a button on the Pokédex. “You point the scanner at a Pokémon and press this red button.”

    Ash did so, and saw the screen activate itself, showing an image of the very Pichu in front of him. Pichu heard the beep and a tinny playback of his own voice and tottered over to Ash, looking at the screen with puzzlement. Ash chuckled and pressed the left white button underneath the red button, which switched it to a different page.

    “Pichu,” a tinny, computerized version of Professor Oak’s voice began, “classified as the Tiny Rodent Pokémon and recognised as the Electric Type. This Pokémon is still inept at storing electricity in its pouches properly, and as such may sometimes shock itself during playtime as well as battle. Despite being able to shock a grown adult, it will usually knock itself out from the effort of releasing that much electricity.”

    Professor Oak seemed to be smiling rather smugly, but Ash didn’t blame him. This was a scientific miracle, one he had apparently been working on since he was a child if the stories were true. The Pokédex held knowledge on every known Pokémon, and even some extinct ones. Ash was looking forward to getting to play with it.

    “Pi…,” the Pichu said slowly, still staring at the image of itself where it stood only moments ago, with the background taken away. Slowly, he pointed to himself with his small paws and looked questioningly at Professor Oak.

    “Yes, my friend,” the Professor said with a smile, “that is an image of you, not just any Pichu.”

    This seemed to make Pichu happy, and he began to jump excitedly.

    “Now, I have to leave for work in a moment, Ashl-, I mean Ash,” Delilah told him, standing up. “I’m assuming you’ve brought your things to travel with, yes?”

    Ash simply looked nervously at Pichu, who was now spinning in small circles and stopping at intervals to wiggle his tail.

    “I’ll take that as a no,” his mother said with a laugh. “When you finish up here, I expect the kitchen to be cleaned of your things when I get home. I put a little gift into your backpack, so I expect a call when you get to the next city to thank me for it.”

    With that, Delilah walked over to her son and kissed him on the forehead. One tight hug later and she was leaving the room, saying goodbye. For a moment, Ash felt like he was about to cry. He held strong and turned back to Professor Oak.

    “Ash, your journey is almost ready to begin,” Professor Oak told him, walking to a cupboard at the other end of the room, “and I’m sure you’re going to catch lots of Pokémon and become a fantastic trainer. I do have a request, though.”

    “What is it, Professor?”

    Professor Oak pulled a small box out of the cupboard and closed the door, making his way back over to Ash. He opened the box and revealed five standard Pokéballs.

    “I am a Pokémon researcher,” he told him as he handed the capturing devices to Ash, “and – those are for you to keep, by the way – and I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at the differing characteristics between Pokémon of the same species. I would like you to make sure you gather data on as many Pokémon as you can. It could be vital for another great Pokémon discovery.”

    Ash rolled one of the balls in his hand before putting it in the box again. “Sure can, Professor.”

    The rest of their conversation was short. Ash returned Pichu into the Nest Ball and stood to leave, thanking Professor Oak once again for all of his help. When Ash arrived back at his house, he grabbed his backpack off the table and looked inside. As promised, there was a gift from his mother in there. Wrapped up in paper was a belt with a note.

    “Magnetic Belt,” he read aloud, looking at the belt itself as he read, “ideal for use with Pokéballs… Attach your Pokéball button first for easy access and immaculate hold…”

    This was a great tool for trainers; instead of searching through a bag or pockets, Pokémon could be held in their Pokéballs around the waist, making it easier for trainers to grab them for speedy help. Ash definitely would thank his mother for this. Taking one last look around the house he grew up in, Ash put his backpack around his shoulders, fixed his cap properly on his head and left, locking the door as he left.

    *****

    Author's Note: This was originally called "A Shocking Encounter" and would have introduced a new character, but I thought it better that the chapter end here. Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll be back with a new chapter at some point next week, hopefully.
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Liked this chapter a lot! Especially the bit to explain why Pokeballs stick to the belts... on that topic, are Pokeballs made of metal? I didn't think so...

    Anyways:
    Pokémon Centre’s
    Take out the apostrophe, that is used for belonging, not plural.

    If you ever lose your Training License, you will need this to confirm who you are so that a Pokémon Centre can print another one.
    I believe you said earlier that it was called a Trainer License, not a Training License.

    Yeah, this chapter was pretty good, and could have used a bit of exposition, but apart from that, it was awesome, and I can't wait for the next chapter, and for the journey to actually begin!

    In response to the author's note: Are you still going to introduce that character in a upcoming chapter instead?

    Keep Writing!

    -Shymain

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    Thanks ^_^ Yeah, I can't believe I didn't notice those two bloops, lol. Thanks for pointing them out. You are correct, it is a Trainer License :P

    Yes, the character will now be introduced at the end of this coming chapter. It would have been at the beginning, but on the older versions of this I caught a little flack for leaving something out, which I never wrote far enough to show that I use it later on. So, the chapter has been extended and the event has been added. Kudos to anyone who can guess what it is.

    I'm probably a little over halfway through, and I'll be writing all day today so I should hopefully be able to post the next chapter either tonight or tomorrow morning.
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Chapter 4: A Shocking Encounter

    Ash shook rain from his hair as he took shelter under a dense tree. A couple of hours into his journey from Pallet Town, and it seemed as if the heavens had opened on him.

    “It’s really coming down…” he said aloud, rummaging through his backpack for something waterproof. While in there, his fingers closed around the Nest Ball he had put in there. Now is as good a time as any, he thought, taking the ball out and enlarging it with the flick of a button.

    “Come on out, Pichu!” he shouted as he dropped the device at his feet. It cracked open with a burst of bright energy, which quickly formed into the small rodent. Twitching his nose, the electric-type looked up at the tree above them with delight. It suddenly occurred to Ash that this was his first time seeing a tree, or rain, having only just hatched from an egg.

    Fumbling through his backpack again, he finally managed to grasp his raincoat, a thin piece of waterproof material with sleeves, if truth be told. Ash had been forced to buy all of his supplies out of his allowance, so he’d had to spread his money thin. Not for the first time, he thought how nice it would be now to be earning money from Pokémon battles.

    “Let’s go have some fun, Pichu!” he told the Pokémon as he put the raincoat over his head and head out into the rain. Pichu tentatively followed him, padding against the grass, then the wet grass as he came out of the shelter.

    “Pi, Pichu?” he squeaked as drops of rain fell from a leaf and tapped on his head. A quick chuckle came from him as he followed Ash through the route, now dancing, now running. The Pokémon was enjoying the weather as much as the boy.

    Before long they came across a tree with large yellow fruits hanging from it.

    “Look, Pichu,” he called to his new friend, “Sitrus berries! Should we have some?”

    “Pichu!” the small Pokémon shouted back, spinning in a circle. Ash took that as a very enthusiastic yes. Putting his backpack on the ground, he took hold of a knob in the tree and began to climb. It wasn’t a very large tree, he thought, as he put his foot on the first knob and pushed himself further.

    As Ash made to grab for the first fruit he saw, if felt strange and feathered. Ash looked properly and saw that in place of the Sitrus berry he had reached for, a Pokémon now sat perched with a mouthful of fruity flesh.

    “Um…sorry?” he said as it looked angrily at him. Just as the bird seemed about to forgive him, Ash’s grip slipped and he fell, pulling the Pokémon with him. As Ash fell, the Pokémon hit its head on a branch, spitting the fruit out as it was almost knocked out.

    Ash was winded for a moment after hitting the floor, and by the time he could breathe properly, he became aware of a laugh coming from Pichu. The Pokémon seemed to have found the entire thing hilarious. Ash almost smiled until he remembered the injured Pokémon. Reaching for his bag to get a potion out to heal the head injury, he noticed the Pokémon standing up, sporting a pendant around its neck shaped like a beak.

    The Pokémon didn’t seem too impressed with Pichu’s laughter and scratched the dirt on the ground, running toward Pichu with its sharp, curved beak held forward. Pichu stopped laughing and jumped out of the way, but the flying Pokémon opened its wings and knocked Pichu over still.

    “Pichu, careful!” Ash shouted, grabbing his backpack and trying to stand between them. Luckily for both him and Pichu, the opponent seemed to be stopped in its tracks, with small sparks of electricity tracing over its wings and talons. Ash pulled out his Pokédex to find out what it was. Pressing the red button he had been shown before, he smiled as the device scanned the angry, immobile Pokémon.

    “Spearow,” its tinny voice told him, “Classified as the Tiny Bird Pokémon, and recognised as both flying- and normal-types. A Spearow’s cry can be heard from half a mile away. It is often heard echoing around forests when a flock senses danger. They are very protective of their territory, and will use their small wings and sharp beak to scare other Pokémon off. Despite being similar in size to the calmer Pokémon, Pidgey, a Spearow is much harder to tame due to its volatile nature.”

    “What does volatile mean,” Ash thought aloud. Pichu let out a confused squeak as Ash took in the Pokémon in front of him. From his height, the Spearow was a sizzling mess of brown feathers with red feathered wings. With a tilt of the head, Ash could see that its back was covered with a black down, while its underbelly was covered with the same fluff in cream.

    As Ash looked on, the Spearow seemed to break through the sparks for a moment and opened its beak. A loud sound came out that seemed to annoy Pichu. However, it seemed to Ash that after a moment, the sound came back and became louder in the echo.

    “Is this what the Pokédex meant by its echoing cry?” Ash asked himself, looking down to the Pokédex. Spearow made to rush forward with its beak again, but the sparks reappeared and stopped it in its tracks once again. “It’s paralysed!” Ash realised, looking at Pichu.

    Thinking for a moment, he pointed the Pokédex at Pichu once more and pressed the red button once again. The picture that appeared was of a more confused looking Pichu than before, but Ash switched between the pages with the white button to find out that an innate ability Pichu could be born with was called “Static”, and gave the Pokémon static electricity in its fur, paralysing some opponents when they made contact. This was perfect for Ash.

    “It’s as good a time as any, I guess,” he said, taking an empty Pokéball from his backpack. He enlarged it and threw the device at Spearow, who tried to hit it with its beak, only to connect unluckily with the button. The Pokéball opened and, as it had with Pichu, released two red strands of energy, which connected and proceeded to wrap around the Spearow.

    “Spear!” the flying-type cried out as the red energy spread its way around Spearow’s body like cream poured over a fruit. The cry seemed to echo out and hurt Pichu more this time, but within seconds, the Pokémon was completely converted into the same red energy. Dragged into the Pokéball, Ash heard a quick and feeble cry from the Spearow before the ball snapped shut.

    “Yes! I caught-” Ash began before he saw the ball drop to the floor and rock violently. The button’s LED light was blinking furiously, until finally the ball cracked open and the white energy forming into Spearow flew into the air, screaming loudly with a visible ripple heading through the air, knocking Ash off his feet and slamming Pichu into a tree.

    “That move’s gotten stronger!” Ash cried, dodging the Spearow swooping toward him with its beak held out. Ash went to grab his dropped Pokéball, but the Spearow came at him again. He swung his arms around to fight it off, but its beak caught his forearm and grazed him.

    “Pichu!” his Pokémon called out to him, struggling to get out of the tree. A bolt of lightning flashed with the sound of the thunder roaring close to them. A storm had begun. Ash reached up to help Pichu down, wondering why he was no longer being attacked by the Spearow. As he grabbed Pichu and turned around, he saw the reason.

    “Spearow!” the tiny bird Pokémon cawed as it flew high into the air, joined by a full flock of Spearow. Ash panicked and ran, turning this way and that to dodge between the trees. He lost track of the cuts tree branches left on his face, but his priority was to get himself and Pichu away from the attacking Pokémon.

    “Pichu,” his Pokémon said to him, wriggling in his arms. He didn’t know what Pichu wanted, but it could wait. He ran until he came to a cliff, where he skidded to a halt. Pichu tried to get his attention again, but he ignored him. Turning around, he saw above the trees that the flock had still held the chase, and were about to catch up with him.

    As the Spearow all began to swoop in attack, Ash saw his only escape.

    “Hold your breath, Pichu!” he shouted at the electric-type before diving off the cliff and into the river. Underwater, he couldn’t breathe and could barely see anything. With the storm, the water was rapid, and he couldn’t hold onto anything no matter what he tried to grab.

    After what felt like minutes, something grabbed onto him. Worried a Spearow had somehow got them, Ash reached around to release himself from the clutches of the flying-type, but only found a small wire hooked into his coat. A fishing rod! Ash pulled onto it hard, and felt it pull back. This was his chance, he knew. He pulled on it as hard as he could, trying to pull himself out of the water.

    With a sudden pull, he and Pichu flew out of the water, slamming hard onto the ground, coughing. Next to him, trying to help him up was a young girl, probably only a year or two older than him.

    “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice a little rougher than the girls he had known in Pallet Town. “Oh, your Pokémon’s hurt. Wait, I have a potion it can use.”

    Ash stood up, looking around. He was a fair distance from any of the trees, so he decided they must be safe. Coughing up a bit more water, he concentrated on Pichu. The Pokémon was shivering. With everything in his backpack now soaked through, he didn’t know what to do.

    “Here,” the girl said, running towards them from inside a tent pegged down into the ground tight. She held a small potion in her hand, a spray bottle with medicine in. Spraying Pichu, she pushed a little bit on his chest, forcing him to cough up the water. “Take this and spray it on its head,” she told Ash, passing him the bottle.

    “How did you know to get the water out?” he asked her. Ash had never considered drowning as one of his hazards, and had never bothered to ask about it. It suddenly occurred to him that he was less prepared than he originally thought.

    “I specialise in water-type Pokémon,” the girl told him from under her hood, “so I have a lot of experience with being around the water itself. Your Pokémon just swallowed too much water, that’s all.”

    Ash was about to thank her when he heard a loud shout and felt the force of what he knew to be Spearow’s attack. Turning, he panicked again. Pichu was down and he had nowhere to go; he seemed to have landed on an island in the middle of the river.

    “Those Spearow don’t look happy,” the girl told him, taking a step toward her tent.

    “I’m sorry to drag you into this,” he told her, picking up Pichu. “I hurt one by accident a little while ago and it’s been chasing me since. It’s called its friends to help.”

    “Pi…” Pichu groaned, opening his eyes slowly and nibbling Ash’s finger. Ash smiled, glad to see his new Pokémon feeling better. A change in the air and the girl’s attitude made him know the Spearow were coming toward him once more. As he began to turn toward the water, the girl sprang into action instead.

    “Staryu, use Swift on those Spearow!” she shouted, throwing a blue-topped Pokéball at the water. As it opened, the white energy submerged, forming under the water. The river itself soon exploded with the emergence of bright white stars, flying up and searching for each bird, bursting on impact.

    The Spearow seemed mostly swayed by this, but not the one holding the beak pendant around its neck. That Spearow dove once more, aiming for the water.

    “Staryu, use Bubblebeam!” the girl shouted, which caused a torrent of bubbles coming from the water, knocking the bird back into the air. It screamed at the other Spearow, and together they flew in a curve, diving toward Ash and the girl instead. “Protect!” Ash heard the girl scream. From the water, a brown Pokémon shaped like a five-pointed star jumped, gaining height into the air.

    Once high enough, a green dome burst from the front of the creature, which acted as a complete barrier against the Spearow. However, everything next happened in a flash. The Spearow were too much for just Staryu’s Protect and broke through, knocking Staryu down and carrying on. At the same time, Pichu got up on top of Ash’s hat and jumped into the air, just in time to be hit with a bolt of lightning, blinding Ash and the girl.

    “Chu!” Ash heard his Pokémon shout, and a loud buzz of electricity made the hairs on his neck stand on end. When the light had faded, Pichu lay on the ground, as did Staryu. Ash saw the girl running to her Pokémon, and did the same. The Spearow were nowhere to be seen.

    The sky began to clear as the girl came over to him with her now full Pokéball, having returned her Staryu into the ball. Now that it was lighter and there was less water in his eyes, Ash noticed it was a Great Ball, a further design from the Pokéball created to be stronger at catching Pokémon than the original design.

    “I’m sorry you had to take part,” he told her, holding out his hand as he held Pichu. In return, she slapped him in the face. “Ouch! What was that for?”

    “You started an attack because you weren’t careful,” she said, stomping over to her tent, “you didn’t take proper care of your Pokémon! You made my Pokémon faint! To top it off, that last attack from your Pichu snapped my fishing wire!”

    “I-I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing his cheek. “Do you have a spare?”

    “No!” she retorted, stuffing her things into a large red rucksack, “But you’ll buy me a new one in Viridian City. I’m not leaving your side until you do!”

    “It’s not like it was my fault,” Ash argued, getting angry. It really wasn’t his fault. Hurting the Spearow was a complete accident, and when it had burst out of the Pokéball, it had gone into a rage. How she could blame him was annoying Ash greatly. “I tried to help the Spearow after I hurt it, but it attacked me and Pich- Pichu!”

    He looked down at his Pokémon, who was breathing heavily now. He handed his backpack to the girl.

    “Can you grab me a potion out of there, please?” he asked her quickly. She forgot herself for a moment and made to argue back, but went through his bag and found a potion, passing it to him.

    “I’m Misty, by the way,” she told him, holding out her hand and waiting for his. Shifting the potion, he shook it back before spraying Pichu as much as he could with the medicine.

    “My name’s Ash,” he said, smiling as Pichu opened his eyes again. “Are you okay, buddy?”

    “Pi,” the Pokémon answered. Misty smiled as Ash hugged the Pokémon close, but quickly turned away and began taking her tent down.

    ----

    Author's Note: I really loved writing this episode. I never included the Spearow incident before, and I honestly for a moment almost had Ash actually catch it, but then have it escape and chase him down. I thought Ash would just come and get it later, like he meets it in the show, but I thought...I've changed some things, but Ash's core personality is still there somewhere, and I know he wouldn't leave a Pokemon behind, even if it were attacking him, so I took it out and had it escape the Pokeball first time and simply attack him.
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


  20. #20
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    Nice chapter, and I loved the fleshing out of the Anime characters. Misty seems a bit bipolar, quickly changing between calm and angry, but that's sorta like her, I guess.

    Now, for the mistakes:

    flick of a button
    Flick of a button? You don't flick a button. Did you mean a flick of a switch, or a press of a button?

    “What does volatile mean,” Ash thought aloud.
    The speech should end with a question mark, not a comma.

    Now, the Spearow seems a bit overpowered for such a common, low-leveled Pokemon- consider finding a way to make the chapter more logically correct while keeping the drama that the Spearow adds. Yes, I liked the Spearow battle overall, but it needs some touching up.

    I love the author's notes; they always give me so much insight into your style of writing, and the way that you plan out your chapters.

    Keep Writing!

    -Shymain

  21. #21
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    Lol, I've been very consistent with my inconsistent portrayal of Misty's personality. I seem to really struggle to make the emotion realistic!

    Hmm...I think I meant press of a button, to be fair.

    I don't really think that Spearow was OP'd :S It took a Swift and Bubblebeam spread across the flock and a superpowered Thundershock. I mean, I guess it survived a little longer, but Plot Armour does wonders

    Aw, thank you I do like to give a little something at the end, just to show my own opinions at the very least. Thanks for the review ^_^
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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    Overpowered as in knocking back Pichu and Ash. Of course, that could have been solely the fault of the Pokeball, but I very much doubt that the ball popping open would be that strong.

  23. #23
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    Aaaah, I see what you're talking about now. I guess I should have clarified, really. Spearow was using the move Echo Voice. By the time it used it coming out of the Pokeball, it had gotten a lot stronger (it gets more powerful each time it's used), which is why it knocked Ash over. Also, Pichu and Spearow are the same height and weight. Plus, Pichu has only just been hatched. It wouldn't be very hard for a Peck used with the Sharp Beak Spearow is wearing to push a freshly hatched Pichu over.
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


  24. #24
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    Meh, I was talking about Ash being knocked over, and even with Echoed Voice, its second use (correct me if I'm wrong) shouldn't be that powerful.

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    Technically the third; the echoed sound that came back was from the flock, echoing the sound back. I see where you're coming from, though, and I'll make sure to be careful of power levels in the future
    "Writing doesn't require drive. It's like saying a chicken has to have drive to lay an egg." ~ John Updike


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