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Thread: A World on Fire

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    Default A World on Fire

    Hey, everyone!

    So, it's been a while since I posted anything on here, but one of the last fics I posted a couple years back was the first chapter of one called "The Villain" and I really, really liked it. However, someone pointed out that there was a lot of improvement to be made, and that not as much thought has been put into it. Well, then I got hung up on college and spent my free time thinking more about this and other fic ideas, and now I'm back with a brand new, revamped story to tell. I really poured thought into this, and I'm really excited to see how it turns out for you guys!

    I know my chapters are long, but hopefully the story itself isn't TOO boring. I've got tons of plans in store for this fic, so let's see just how well this works out hahah. This fic will consist of five "parts," each one's name being directly linked to the part of the story that specific book holds within it as well as a different general theme. The parts will contain around 5-10 or so chapters each, and just because I love music so much the first chapter of each book will have a verse from a song that I feel will be relatively appropriate. Hopefully it doesn't detract too much from the experience for those of you who dislike that type of thing.

    I encourage anyone who reads this to post with opinions, constructive criticism, etc. I love to hear what anybody thinks whether it's good, bad, or ugly, so don't be shy about posting or PMing me regarding the story. It doesn't have to be reviews, just thoughts on different chapters or whatever else. I love finding out what you guys think of my work, no matter how nice or horrid those thoughts are. :3

    Well then... Shall we begin?



    A World on Fire

    Prologue: Power And Control.

    Every story must have its hero.

    This has always been the first law of a good fable. A hero always stands up to a challenge, proving him or herself against insurmountable odds. Danger lurks around every corner, and even the most routine of tasks can become an unending nightmare. Friends become enemies, dark secrets come to life, and in the end, the hero may even end up alone in their quest.

    This is the price the hero must pay. And in the end, this price is always paid in full.

    //////////

    October 3rd, 2007.
    Saffron City; 6:57 pm.


    With a single kick, the door flew off of its hinges. The police stormed into the room, scanning every corner for any sign of a threat before continuing the raid. Mary watched them closely, maintaining a constant pace directly behind the squad.

    I know you’re here.

    Everything was too obvious. The phone call, the explosion… Even the way the front door was unlocked. This building was supposed to be abandoned, so why was it that she felt so sure it was here that they would finally meet?

    That’s when Mary heard the gun shot.

    “Up ahead!” one officer whispered, signaling the direction with his fingers. A dark corridor led to a set of double doors, concealing the room the gunshot came from. “Move!”

    The squad hustled forward, converging on the doors and bursting through. In a flash of red light, dozens of Pokémon filled the room – large, red canines sporting a yellow mane, pink spiders with yellow barbs sticking from their bodies, and blue tortoises with an orange shell covering their back. The Pokémon stood their ground, shielding the officers from the offenders stationed at the other side of the room.

    “Well, well, well… You found us,” a young woman shouted, her hands held up in the air. Her brown hair cascaded down past her shoulders, and she had a whimsical smile plastered across her face. “Took your sweet time, didn’t you?” Several of her accomplices stood behind her, an array of dark-type Pokémon stationed between them and the girl.

    Mary stormed to the front, pushing aside the police officers. “Cut the crap, Rachel. You’ve lost. There’s nowhere to run.”

    The woman chuckled, taking a few steps closer to the demanding blonde.

    “I swear, Barbie… You never change. Always barking orders like people actually care.”

    Rage was taking over. She would have appreciated that sarcasm when they’d first met, but now… Now Rachel had done too much. All that was left was justice. Mary pushed past the Arcanine standing in her way and stormed over to the girl, slapping her across the face.

    “Your humor won’t save you anymore! You’re going to pay for what you’ve done, Rachel, if it’s my last breath.” She wiped the sweat off her brow, eyeing the girl down with apparent bloodlust. “You’re surrounded, and this time, I promise you’re never getting away.”

    The room was quiet, watching Rachel as her face hung to the side, her cheek bright red. Then she began to laugh. First quietly, then to a feverish pitch that filled the room and made Mary’s stomach drop.

    “Silly little Mary Sue… Don’t you see?”

    Rachel pointed to the ceiling with a devious grin, and counted down on her fingers.

    Three.

    Two.

    One.


    The ceiling above the police officers exploded into thousands of pieces, knocking all of them to the ground.

    Rubble filled the expanse between Mary and the exit, blocking her only hope of a clean getaway as the police officers’ shouts were drowned out. She was trapped behind a sea of rubble and cement. Trapped with the most dangerous woman she’d ever met in her life, and now there was no getting away. Her heart sank as she realized how foolish it was to let her anger get the best of her. She never should have approached Rachel from the beginning.

    “Don’t you see, B? This…” Rachel continued to laugh, clapping her hands as the explosion subsided. “This is exactly where I wanted you from the beginning.”

    //////////

    Every story must have its hero.

    There must be a source of justice – there must be some sign that there will truly be a happy ending, or why would a reader ever continue past the prologue? The hero must always win, and good must always triumph over evil. But that’s just it: there must always be evil. Every story must have its villain.

    You will be pleased to hear that Mary Sue will indeed be the hero of our story today. But since the beginning of time, every story has had one unquestionable truth – that there will always be a hero and a villain. And that, my dear reader, is where I come in.

    My name is Rachel Summers, and this is the story of how I became Kanto’s most wanted.
    Last edited by Dawn_Hero; 11th June 2013 at 7:08 AM.
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Arizona
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    Default

    “Up ahead!” One officer whispered
    Lowercase one. It's still the same sentence.

    All that was left was justice.
    JUSTICE!

    “Silly little Mary Sue… Don’t you see?”
    I see what you did there....

    There must be a source of justice
    JUSTICE!

    My name is Rachel Summers, and this is the story of how I became Kanto’s most wanted.
    I thought of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song when I read this. I have no idea why.

    That was a pretty good read. Nothing really wrong with it. It's a good start to what I hope is an amazing story. I love that you have a female main protagonist AND antagonist. Something I don't really see often. The description was amazing, at least I thought so. I'll be looking forward to the first chapter.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    Blackthorn City, Johto
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    That was a pretty good read. Nothing really wrong with it. It's a good start to what I hope is an amazing story. I love that you have a female main protagonist AND antagonist. Something I don't really see often. The description was amazing, at least I thought so. I'll be looking forward to the first chapter.
    Fixed the typo you pointed out. I totally didn't realize I'd capitalized 'one' on accident. Thanks for pointing it out!

    I appreciate the compliments. I hadn't really thought of how there's rarely a female protagonist and antagonist, but now that you've made me think about it, I suppose you're right. I really appreciate the fact you read this and reviewed, so hopefully I'll see you around when chapter one gets posted on Sunday or so. (: With luck, I'll be able to live up to your expectations!
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