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Thread: Warriors' League

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night

    Default Warriors' League

    Epicninjask123 here. In all my attempts at fanfic writing, I never saw any of them to the end. I had a project going that I was determined to finish, but a third of the way in, it became tiresome. I just thought it was too childish. This one will have the equivalent of a pg-13 rating, especially in the second major arc, so I'm hoping that it will be so intense that I want to finish it. But before I go much further, I want to drum up interest first.

    I'm going to refer to this story as a "pseudo-crossover" between Pokémon and League of Legends. The basic concept came from me playing a game of LoL and thinking "Why not?" So, after a tiny bit of help from the Authors' Café (namely Firebrand), I have devised a plot that I think is original and it seems like I will be able to write it all.

    But more to the point, this isn't a crossover as in the Pokemon world and League world collide and merge. No Sir, what will happen is that the Pokemon world has a sport dubbed the Warriors' League that is pretty much exactly the same as the game League of Legends. I invented my own region and characters for this, although I draw heavy influence from LoL itself for some of the Warriors (the players of the Warriors' League).

    Without further delay, I present the prologue, which I hope will clear up some confusion and also educate some people as to what LoL is like.


    The Viwa Region… For hundreds of years, it has seen an ever-expanding population thanks in no small part to the Warriors’ League. It started at the turn of the third technological revolution, when multiple Pokemon’s rights movements deemed Pokeballs to be unethical and worldwide laws spread forbidding their use. Pokemon battles still existed, but because every Pokeball was destroyed, they stood by their trainer’s side during combat.

    However, in just a few short years, world-renowned Pokemon professors developed a way for humans to befriend Pokemon in a process called bonding. Humans would have to purchase a bonding bracelet, a scientific breakthrough that allowed them to communicate with Pokemon via their minds. Once they found their partner, humans would activate the bracelet and talk to the Pokemon, and, if compatible, they would bond and become permanent partners. The only drawback, however, was that the entire bonding process was so emotionally taxing that humans could only bond with a single Pokemon.

    People were impressed, but they were upset that they couldn’t bond with their entire team, so it came as little surprise that the bonding bracelets only sold a fraction of what was expected. At the time, the president of the Viwa Region took notice of this new invention, and he pitched an idea to the same people who invented it. He wanted to see if people could perhaps use their partner’s power after bonding. Intrigued, the professors got to work and almost immediately invented the fusing bracelet.

    With the fusing bracelet, people could merge with their partner, both body and mind. These new Pokemon/people “hybrids” became a new sensation, but were quickly shot down as people began to abuse the newfound power of their partner. Police across all the regions confiscated each and every last fusing bracelet, and to the professors, it seemed their hard work would go without recognition.

    Yet the president of the Viwa region didn’t lose hope. Moreover, he was determined to find a way to reclaim the fusing bracelets. That’s where he invented the concept of a sport where humans fused with their partners and fought each other. He preached the idea to his board, but they came back with a unanimous answer: it was just too violent.

    The president met again with the professors, and agreed on a much different rule-set, based on the popular game tug of war. Players would form teams of three and would have to charge down one of two lanes alongside weaker Pokemon who would run and fight until they fainted. Along the way, they would have to contend with the opposing team’s players and Pokemon.

    If either team managed to make it far, they would have to destroy two towers before the lanes merged at the opposing team’s nexus, guarded by another tower set right at the merging point. If a player fainted, they would be carried back to their base by a team of medics and healed.

    The professors were happy with the idea, and so was the president. He preached the updated idea to his board, and it was accepted this time. The sport caught on quickly, as people rushed to become players. They flocked from all over to the capital of the Viwa Region, Jazmina, to become players in this ever-expanding game.

    To keep up with the flock of players wanting to play, this sport, which had come to be known as the Warriors’ League, had been separated into five distinct divisions, each one with tougher teams than the previous. They were the Newbie League, for new teams, and it increased from bronze to silver to gold to platinum, the highest league there was.

    It has been a dream for many a player to ascend to the Platinum League, yet it has been accomplished by precious few. Who would be next? This question weighed heavy over the minds of players and spectators alike. And this time, it seemed like an unlikely pick would become the next…


    Isaac… Just a small town boy with a big taste for adventure. His eighteenth birthday went from good to better when he received a bonding bracelet as a gift. He eagerly trekked out into the woods for the next few days dreaming of who he’d bond with.

    A few days later, he’d been unsuccessful in all his bonding attempts. He angrily kicked a pebble down the dirt path of the woods. “Man…” he said out loud. “Why can’t I bond with anyone?”

    A loud shriek came out of nowhere. Isaac followed his ears and found a wild Linoone being harassed by bugs. Isaac raced forward with his insect repellent primed and sprayed it all around the wild Pokemon. He looked down and the Linoone looked back. “Well…” Isaac said. “Maybe I can give it a shot…”

    He pressed the big purple button on his bonding bracelet and began to communicate with the Pokemon. The Linoone had weak overall fighting abilities, due both to its species and nature, but was agile and quick. Regardless, Isaac kept up the bonding process until it was successful.

    “This will be my ticket to glory…” Isaac thought, as he went home, packed his things, and boarded a bus to Jazmina to join the Warriors’ League.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    Wow! Can't wait for the first chapter!

    This is an awesome idea, in my opinion, and I can't really find any mistakes! The idea is very intriguing, at the least!

    Your background has been developed very well, but the story so far is nothing. So, I can't wait for the chapter that will hopefully be posted soon!

    Keep writing!

    Last edited by Shymain; 18th June 2013 at 9:37 AM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Wait, I was supposed to put the first chapter down? Oops. I must've misread the rules then. Sorry!

    Well this is what I have so far, so I hope it's acceptable...

    Chapter 1

    The capital of the Viwa Region, Jazmina is home to some of the best entertainment around, from the bustling city life to all the night clubs and taverns. Thousands of people flock here every month either on vacation or to settle down as permanent residents. Jazmina also holds claim to the infamous Garnet Stadium, the world’s premier site for the Warriors’ League.

    And that is what Isaac truly came for, although he was quite surprised to find his bus stop just outside city limits. Being a small town boy all his life, Isaac was absolutely stupefied by the grandeur of it all.

    Isaac followed the horde of people unloading from the bus to a series of escalators. Riding them made him feel uneasy, but the butterflies in his stomach soon transitioned from nervousness to excitement as he neared the top and saw the monorail leading into downtown. “I’ve never even dreamed of buildings this big…” he gasped.

    Dragging his suitcase with his left hand and holding his Linoone in his right arm, Isaac boarded the monorail car that quickly filled to the brim with passengers and their Pokemon. A little girl, no more than three years of age, tugged on the hem of his jeans, wanting to pet his Linoone. Although slightly embarrassed, Isaac held his Pokemon down so she could stroke it.

    “Hey,” said a man, presumably the girl’s father. “I recognize that bracelet.” The man looked at Isaac. “You want to become a Warrior, huh?”

    “Uh… Yeah,” said Isaac. “My name’s Isaac. I come from a small town hours away from here.”

    “Heh,” the man responded, waving his arm in front of Isaac so he could get a good look at his bonding bracelet. “You and me both. Name’s Lukas, by the way, and this is my Machamp!"

    "So you're here to become a warrior?" Isaac said.

    "Hell yeah!" Lukas responded. "But don't tell me you think you can make it with that..."

    "Huh?" said Isaac. "You mean my...?"

    "Yes, that Linoone. Maybe I'd get it as a house pet for my daughter here, but for fighting? No way."

    "Oh, come now, dear..." came a female's voice from amidst the crowd of people. A woman who looked at least ten years older than Lukas emerged from the crowd, along with a green blob that Isaac assumed was somehow a Pokemon.

    "Ah!" Lukas uttered, surprised. "Teresa! You didn't... Hear..."

    "You shouldn't crush his dreams like that," the woman said. "That Linoone is a great partner for him..."

    "Say what?" exclaimed Lukas. "That Pokemon can't fight a battle to save its life!"

    "Very true..." said Teresa. "...But what if it doesn't fight?"

    Lukas went speechless, trying to make sense of the riddles Teresa was giving him. She smiled and continued, saying, "Linoones are quick and agile by nature. They are also very good at remaining hidden."

    "Your point?"

    Teresa sighed. "Your name...?" she asked Isaac.

    "Uh... It's Isaac."

    "Isaac..." Teresa started, "Would make a great addition to our team because of his ability to scout ahead."

    "Scouting?" Lukas and Isaac asked simultaneously.

    Teresa glared at Isaac. "You mean to tell me that you weren't aware of your greatest strength?"

    Isaac went silent, so Teresa continued, "If he were to run ahead and tell us when and where to strike, we'd be unstoppable. You have brute force and I and my Reuniclus can make sure the enemy wouldn't get away, all while he tells us what to do."

    "Uh..." Lukas stuttered. "That... That's what I meant to say!"

    "Sure..." said Teresa and Isaac simultaneously, looking at each other and grinning.

    "So did you say you wanted to form a team with me?" Isaac asked.

    "Eh, it's worth a shot," said Lukas. "I mean, you can't argue with my wife's..."

    "Wife?" Isaac exclaimed. "You mean you're married?"

    "Yes dear," Teresa said. "And this is our daughter."

    Isaac looked closely at the child looking out the window of the monorail, intently gazing at the city around her. "Oh, I see the resemblance now..."

    The intercom buzzed and a voice began speaking. "Passengers, please hold on tight as we arrive at our next stop, Garnet Stadium."

    "Brace yourself kid," said Lukas as the monorail suddenly and rapidly decelerated, causing Isaac to fall over, dropping his Linoone in the process.

    The doors opened, and a wave of people exited the car. Isaac, Lukas, Teresa, and their daughter were the last to get off. Isaac's Linoone climbed up his leg and made its way into his arms. "Now where?" he asked.

    "Well, there must be a registration area somewhere..." said Teresa.

    "That's probably where all the people are heading towards..." said Isaac, pointing out a long line of people shuffling into a massive dome in from of the coliseum.

    "Settle in for the long haul, kid," Lukas said.

    "I'm going to find a day care for Mia," said Teresa, taking their daughter and walking away.


    Isaac groaned. He'd expected it to be a long wait, but three hours? He'd just now stepped into the dome, where the air conditioning was as refreshing as an oasis in the desert. Teresa had come back after an hour, but she did nothing to make the time go by faster. On the contrary, she'd been talking with Lukas the entire time, so time seemed to go by slower to Isaac.

    "Welcome to the Garnet Stadium Registration Dome," said the attendant once the three made it to the front of the line. "I assume you're here to sign up as a team like everyone else?" They nodded. "Very good. You'll be starting out in the Newbie League and your fights will be played in the Topaz Field. If you win enough fights there, you'll be pushed up to the Bronze League and fight in the Aquamarine Field."

    "Are there any differences between the different fields?" Isaac asked.

    "No," responded the attendant. "We just give them different names to remember them easier. Each field corresponds to a certain League, and generally the fields become more popular the higher the League. The Amethyst Field is the most popular by far. That's where our Platinum League matches take place.

    "So I've got a Machamp, a Reuniclus, and... Excuse me, what's your Partner?"

    Isaac suddenly looked up. "Me? You mean my Linoone?"

    Isaac held up his partner so the attendant could get a good look. "Hmmm..." she said. "Quite an unusual choice for fighting... I'll be interested to see how it works out!

    "Now I just need a team name and your registration will be done..."

    "How about Team Lukas and the Hell-Yeah's?" Lukas shouted. Teresa groaned and grabbed him by the ear, whispering her disapproval into it.

    "I'm thinking Team Legend..." said Isaac. "Its short, simple... And it just sounds cool!"

    "I like Team Legend..." said Teresa, to which Lukas grumbled.

    "Fine, Team Legend it is..." he said.

    "Okay, great!" The attendant smiled. "Welcome to the Warriors' League!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    No, you didn't, sorry, my mistake.

    Again, no grammatical mistakes, which is awesome in my opinion! I'm very pleased with the way that the bonding is shaping up, and the actual tactics that you're describing are very cool, in my opinion. I can't wait to see them used in the arena! I'm sure that your description of the actual bonding process in-game will be amazing! Can't wait to see how it turns out!

    Wait! I found a mistake! Actually, two of them.

    "That's probably where all the people are heading towards..." said Isaac, pointing out a long line of people shuffling into a massive dome in from of the coliseum.
    For the first one, it isn't really a mistake, but why would you put three periods there? It seems like he would be making a statement, not trailing off. It's your choice, really, but I would describe his speaking style as shy/quiet if that's what you're trying to get across.

    Also, coliseum is the wrong spelling. It should be spelled colosseum.

    And that's all I can find bad!

    Can't wait for the next chapter!

    Keep writing!


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Alright, I think it's safe for me to post a chapter every five or so days, that way it gives me time to write and time for the suspense to set in. These first few or so chapters may not seem as suspenseful, as they do little to enhance the plot and mainly focus on Team Legend becoming acquainted with the game. I'll refer to that as the first major arc. The second major arc will remain a secret until the end of the first, but from there it will be revealed all at once when I introduce the main antagonist. There will be one, but it'll take a lot of chapters first, but enough of my rambling... Here's chapter 2!

    Chapter 2

    "Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls!" exclaimed the announcer from the intercom over Topaz Field. "Welcome to today's event! Today we have warriors hailing from all over, from Kanto and Johto all the way here to our lovely Viwa Region! These hopeful souls will be competing for their chance to play in the League, but first they must win three out of five placement battles!"

    "I'm nervous..." said Isaac over the roar of the crowd's cheering.

    "Nervous? Hah!" exclaimed Lukas. "I ain't nervous! What does that even mean anyways?"

    Teresa crouched down and whispered into Isaac's ear, "I'm telling you the only thing bigger than this stadium is my husband's ego."

    A worker walked over to the three and handed them each a green bracelet. "This is your fusing bracelet. Whenever you're ready, press this button on top to merge with your partner, although it always feels very strange the first time around..." The worker eyed Teresa and her Reuniclus. "...Especially with that as your partner..."

    The worker walked away shivering, glad he wasn't the one about to fuse with a giant blob. "Shall we get started?" said Teresa.

    Isaac donned his fusing bracelet and carefully pushed down on the aforementioned button. He felt it go click, then everything went blank as he felt hair grow longer all along his back, eventually forming a long, bushy tail. He looked at himself and saw brown stripes appear along the length of his back. His arms and legs began to shrink, becoming smaller and much shorter, effectively forcing him down onto all fours. His face began to morph, his nose turning black and forming a tip.

    When all was said and done, and his vision was returned to him, Isaac now looked like an abnormally large version of his partner, wearing a cotton T-shirt and denim shorts. He tried to talk out loud, but his voice came out in muffled squeaks.

    "Here, try this..." echoed a voice in his head that sounded like Teresa. An arm of green slime picked up his left hand that he felt should now be referred to as a paw and engulfed his fusing bracelet, which had somehow managed to stay on despite the transformation. When the slime receded, Teresa's voice said, "Try speaking now."

    Isaac looked up, and saw a small version of Teresa's body floating inside what looked to be green jelly. "What's going on?" Isaac asked, although he felt like the voice was in his head rather than outside.

    "The fusing bracelet did its job," responded Teresa. "We are now hybrids between ourselves and our partners. I can even talk with mine."


    "Remember that the fusing process makes us one in body and mind..."

    "Where's Lukas?"

    "I'm over here!" came Lukas' voice from inside his head. "I went ahead to plan our route!"

    "So how are we communicating?"

    Teresa smiled with her new body, which actually looked rather cute given the new, smaller proportions. "This is a chat room. As long as we wear the fusing bracelets, we can communicate indefinitely."

    "We should go on ahead," Isaac said. "The game will start any minute."

    "According to the scoreboard, the game has already started," Teresa said. "Everyone has activated their bracelet so we are free to attack. The wild Pokemon will start coming in about a minute, so you best get ready. I'm going to find Lukas, who's probably hiding in between the lanes."

    "Alright, then I'll wait along the edge of lane two and see what they do."

    Isaac headed down and found a large patch of grass that he could easily hide in. The announcer cried out from the intercom, "Let the games begin!"

    Isaac heard the skittering of tiny feet from both sides of the field, so he looked back and saw a swarm of Rattata coming from his base. Looking forward, he saw more Rattata. The swarms ran into each other and they began to clash. "Which ones are ours?" he asked.

    "The ones with the red symbol on the back," replied Teresa.

    Isaac then saw a warrior run forward with two gargantuan pincers on its head. He ran forward and began dispatching Isaac's Rattata with ease. "Okay I have a Pinser warrior on lane two. It looks like he's alone, so come and dispatch him."

    "About time!" said Lukas as a four-armed beast with Lukas' haircut slammed down in front of the Pinser-human hybrid. Isaac could tell the latter was freaked out, as he began to escape, but Teresa came out of a different exit and blocked his escape. "I got this!" said Lukas, so Isaac confidently left.

    Running between the lanes, Isaac saw a warrior with blades on its arms run towards the scene. "Bisharp warrior coming your way," he said.

    "Let him come," said Teresa, so Isaac continued to lane one where the only remaining opponent, a Tauros warrior, was pounding away at the Rattata, making serious headway. "I should probably do something about his Rattata, but I don't want to get defeated in the process."

    "Just use an attack," said Teresa. "Surely your Linoone knows fury swipes?"

    Good idea, thought Isaac, as he primed his claws, ready to lunge on the opponent. You ready for this? he thought absentmindedly, but he strangely felt a wave of approval, as if his Linoone actually heard him.

    He leapt out of the bush, flailing his claws wildly, unsure if he was hitting anything or not. At this point, the warrior seemed to notice him, so it ran forward, skidded to a halt, and turned around to charge straight at him. Isaac looked up at the maniacal beast, and, although he normally would've panicked, he leapt out of the way almost instinctively. Was that... You? Isaac thought, as a wave of feelings crashed over him that could only mean his Linoone replied yes.

    "Remember that the fusing process makes us one in body and mind..."

    The words echoed in Isaac's head like catchy music. Do you think you can take over for a minute? Isaac thought again. He suddenly lost control of his body, dodging the Tauros' attacks with ease. Man... He thought. If that Tauros was any angrier, he'd be steaming out the nose!

    And then it hit him. Just as he let his strength go to his partner, this other warrior must be fighting his partner's will and failing, as anyone would know that his efforts to strike a warrior such as this would be fruitless. The Tauros must not be ready to relinquish control.

    This was his chance.

    "Hey! Isaac!" exclaimed Lukas from the chat room. "We're getting bored here! What should we do?"

    "Just keep pushing and destroy the tower," Isaac responded, "But be wary as they'll revive soon, and they'll want their lane back."

    "What about you?" asked Teresa.

    "I'll be fine. Trust me."

    Get ready to let me have control, Isaac thought. The Tauros charged forward, ready to give it another go, but Linoone, who was still in control of Isaac, nimbly jumped over it.


    Isaac regained control over his body as the Tauros skidded to a halt in his direction, and quickly dashed in the opposite direction towards his own tower. The Tauros followed, angrier than ever, charging forward at an insane speed that was almost as fast as Isaac.

    However, Isaac reached the tower, and leapt straight up into the air, landing cleanly on its roof. The Electabuzz inside saw the Tauros charging for it and, as it would do with any opponent, extended its arms and sent jolt after crackling jolt of electricity towards it. These lightning bolts, although damaging, did little to slow it down, and it collided with the tower.

    Isaac struggled to regain his balance the first time, but the Tauros kept hammering away at the tower. The Eectabuzz was merely doing its thing by blasting the Tauros, which, although it was weakening, was still going strong. That's when Isaac jumped off the tower, extended his claws and sank them into the Tauros' back, knocking it out. The Electabuzz stopped firing at it and the medics came to transport him back.

    "Alright, game plan," Isaac said. "I just took out their third member, but he damaged the tower pretty good. They're going to come through this lane. Lukas, I want you to come and wait in the bushes, so they'll see me and attack. That's when you ambush them."

    "Sounds fine..." Lukas said, beginning to make his way towards Isaac.

    "Teresa, hang back a little so they don't see you when they revive."

    "I don't know if I can stop the Rattata from destroying the second tower though," Teresa responded.

    "Let them. With any luck they'll draw out the Tauros once he revives. Then you can ambush it."

    At this point, Lukas stormed by Isaac and hid in the bushes just in front of him. "Get prepared," Isaac said, "Because here they come!"

    The Bisharp warrior and the Pinser warrior slowly trekked behind a group of Rattata towards Isaac and the damaged tower. Their slow march turned into a charge when they saw him and they ditched the Rattata to attack Isaac. Isaac merely smiled as he saw them grow ever closer, and Lukas leapt out of hiding and pounded the Bisharp, effectively knocking it out in a single hit.

    The other warrior looked visibly distressed now, as Lukas pounded two fists into his other two hands. "Go help my wife, kid," he said. "This is gonna get messy..."

    Isaac darted away, hearing a loud crash as he did, and swapped lanes to find Teresa maintaining a barrier preventing the Tauros from going through. "Ah, perfect timing," she said, letting the barrier go to send the Tauros crashing into its own tower, reducing it to rubble. "Only one more," she said.

    "Lukas, get back here, but take lane two," Isaac said. He ran forward to slash the stunned Tauros, and leapt back to let Teresa get the finishing blow with a brutal psyshock attack.

    "Ready for action!" shouted Lukas, appearing suddenly behind the two.

    "Good," said Isaac. "Let's finish this..."

    They stormed forward, making quick work of the third and final tower. By the time the three enemy warriors were revived, it was too late, as they had already made enough damage to their nexus to destroy it, thus ending the game.

    Everyone reached for their fusing bracelets and pushed the button again, splitting them into human and Pokemon. Isaac was the first to reach for the opponents' hands and say, "Good game!"

    "Yeah right..." responded the guy with the Bisharp, refusing to shake Isaac’s hand.

    "Dude," said the guy with the Tauros. "You sure you all are in the Newbie League? That was a gold-level performance! What team are you?"

    "Team Legend," Isaac replied.

    "You'll be one to watch," said the Pinser warrior. "I wouldn't be surprised if you go far. Teamwork like that is essential."

    The crowd cheered as everyone shook hands. Over the clapping and cheering, one could begin to hear them chant "Le-Gend! Le-Gend!" over and over again.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Man! Five days went by fast! I haven't been keeping up with my writing! Also, a few things to note, my birthday is July 2, exactly five days from now, so, as a present to you all, I'll continue to post the next chapter regardless. And I'm leaving for a trip the week after, so I'll post the next chapter early and the next one late, but then I should be able to manage every five days. And, in case you don't mind a little teaser...

        Spoiler:- Spoiler Alert:

    Enough of my rambling, on with the show!

    Chapter 3

    Isaac darted forward, followed closely by a horde of Rattata. Another warrior charged him but he quickly leapt to the side, and the enemy became surrounded by the weaker Rattata. Unable to contend with so many, he fell within seconds. Isaac regained his composure and darted forward to assault the final tower.

    "Coming your-" Crash! "-Way!" shouted Lukas. Isaac looked over, assuming the loud noise he heard was just the crumbling of another tower, and saw him charging forward with another swarm of Rattata. Teresa followed suit, placing herself right in the middle of the action and enveloping them with a dome of protective energy. The enemy warriors marched out of their base and tried to destroy Teresa's barrier, but with a final slam from all four of Lukas' massive fists, the nexus was destroyed.

    "Woo-hah!" shouted Lukas, returning to human form. "That's five in a row!"

    Teresa and Isaac also pressed the button on their bracelets and split into their respective human and Pokemon counterparts. "This has been an interesting week," Teresa said.

    "We're on our way to become stars!" Isaac said. "Who knew it would be this fun?"

    "Fun?" exclaimed Lukas. "This is much too easy to be fun!"

    Teresa groaned. "Well, as long as we think it's enjoyable..." She looked towards Isaac, who nodded in agreement.

    The team walked out of the field and back into the major downtown area of the city. "I'm hungry!" Lukas shouted.

    Isaac's stomach grumbled just from hearing the word. "I guess I am too, haha!"

    "I must admit, all this fighting has riled up quite the appetite in me as well," Teresa said. "I see a lovely cafe we can visit at the corner up ahead."

    They walked into the small but quaint cafe and sat down. Having lived with them for a week, it came as no surprise to Isaac when Lukas ordered an energy drink while Teresa decided on herbal tea. He just ordered a soda, nothing extravagant but still refreshing.

    Their meals came, a six-egg omelet for Lukas, garden salad for Teresa, and double cheeseburger for Isaac. It seemed fitting to Isaac that they would be ordering for their strengths. Lukas had quite the build on him, so the protein in eggs would help, and Teresa was smart, both by ordering the salad to remain healthy but he thought it would help her think clearly under pressure.

    As for his burger... Well, he'd probably get a stomach cramp in their next battle but he didn't care.

    As the waitress brought a bowl of mixed greens and another of Pokemon food for their partners, a huge man with muscles that put Lukas' to shame stormed inside the cafe. "Where's Team Legend?" he shouted. "I got something to say to you!"

    The three looked at each other worriedly. The man charged over to their table and slammed his hands on the wood. "Listen, you all have been becoming a fan favorite as of lates..."

    "Sounds about right..." said Lukas, his mouth full of egg, cheese and bacon.

    "Well stop!" shouted the man. "Ya know who I am?"

    "Can't say I do," replied Lukas, shoveling more egg into his mouth.

    "Name's Omega, and don't you forget it! I lead a gold rank team called Team Blitzkrieg, and we don't like you taking our fanbase away!"

    "Is that all?" asked Lukas without even looking up.

    "Dear," said Teresa, grabbing her husband's arm. "Maybe you should stop talking for a while..."

    "What? And let this bastard ruin our lunch?"

    Omega reached over and gripped Lukas' shirt by the collar, bringing his face closer to his. "For a bronze rank team, you sure don't know when to shut up!"

    "Wait, we're only in the Newbie League!" said Isaac.

    Omega let Lukas' shirt go and said, "If you'd taken the time to read the rules, a team needs only win three battles to qualify, but by winning five in a row, you've been promoted to Bronze Rank."

    "Sweet!" exclaimed Isaac.

    "Well we can't have you stealing our glory now, can we?" Before they could answer, Omega said, "As leader of Team Blitzkrieg, I hereby challenge you to a match tomorrow at ten in the morning!"

    "Can you do that?" asked Isaac.

    "Only if you accept," Omega responded.

    "What do you think?" Isaac asked his teammates.

    "We should show this man what real power is like!" Lukas exclaimed but Teresa shook her head.

    "I don't know..." she said. "We should probably take the time to get better."

    "Well," said Isaac. "Even if he is a douchebag..."

    "I heard that!"

    "...We wouldn't be exactly heroic if we didn't accept."

    "You got yourself a deal!" Lukas said to Omega.

    "Hehe..." he chuckled. "Good luck tomorrow..." With that, he walked out of the cafe.


    "Ah, Team Legend," said the receptionist at the Aquamarine Field. "Your battle with Team Blitzkrieg should begin any minute."

    "Can't say I approve of this decision," mentioned a passing worker with an obvious intent for the team to hear him. "Team Blitzkrieg is known for its ferocity."

    "Quite," replied the receptionist, her warm smile quickly fading. "This will be an unofficial League battle—that is, we won't count this for ranking or anything. But are you sure you want to go through with this?"

    "Hey, no backing down now!" responded Lukas. "Besides, that bastard Omega damn near ruined lunch for me!"

    "You said it yourself," Isaac told the receptionist. "This won't count for anything. If we lose it won't matter."

    "My money is on Team Blitzkrieg..." said another passing worker.

    "Is betting even allowed in this sport?" asked Isaac.

    "Not usually, but if both parties give their consent, then yes, but there will be no betting on this fight," replied the receptionist.

    "I'm sure Omega would want to allow betting," Teresa joked.

    "Actually he did."

    "So are you all ready to kick ***?" Lukas asked.

    "Definitely," replied Isaac.

    "Positively," replied Teresa.

    "Damn right you are," Lukas said, grabbing their arms and dragging them into the colosseum.


    "Dammit!" exclaimed Lukas in the communications channel the team was using. "Where are those knuckleheads? It's been five minutes already!"

    "And you're sure that they're not in your lane?" Teresa said.

    "Nope," replied Isaac. "Not lane two."

    "I'm getting sick and tired of watching these pathetic Rattata maul each other!" yelled Lukas.

    "How do you think the audience feels..." groaned Teresa.

    "At least they know what the other team's planning," said Isaac. "I'm gonna try pushing towards their base and see what happens. At least I can get away in a bind."

    Isaac leapt out of the bush and kept hacking and slashing away at the Pokmeon. Still, a minute passed, and he'd already made it to the tower with no sign of the enemy. "Alright, I'm attacking their..."

    "Isaac, get your *** over here now!" Lukas interrupted.

    "On my way!" he cried, quickly turning around and darting away form the tower. "What's up?"

    "They're raiding lane one," Teresa responded. "As in they're all raiding lane one."

    "All three?"

    "Yes. There's a Zebstrika warrior who I assume is Omega, along with a Haxorus warrior and a Bouffalant warrior."

    "That's some brute force..." Isaac muttered.

    "Yeah, well, it must work, because they're already past the first tower!"

    "Already? Well, then prevent them from reaching the second, I'm almost there!"

    Teresa and Lukas leapt out of hiding as Teresa created a barrier of energy in front of the opposing team. Isaac appeared just then and, while the Rattata managed to break through the barrier, the three warriors stayed behind and stared them down. Isaac held his claw in front of him and beckoned for them to strike.

    Omega galloped forward, his warrior fusion essentially making him a centaur, and pulled a fist back. Isaac let Linoone's instincts take control as he leapt to the side, but Omega opened his fist and shot lightning out from it, hitting Isaac in the side and knocking him to the ground. The Haxorus warrior strode forward to defeat him, but Lukas took the blow and, shaking it off, began to pummel it. The enemy warrior struck back however, and they locked in combat.

    By now, Omega had turned around and charged forward, lighting himself on fire as he galloped towards Isaac. If he were to dodge, Lukas would take the blow unknowingly so he stood still and let Omega knock him out. Lukas, sensing that his comrade had fallen, switched targets from the Haxorus and punched Omega in the chest.

    Meanwhile, Teresa had been contending with the Bouffalant warrior by creating her trademark barriers, yet she was barely hanging on. "I can't keep up my energy for much longer!" she shouted.

    "How do you think I feel?" screamed Lukas, grabbing the Haxorus in his two left arms and Omega in his right ones and slamming their heads together. They staggered, but quickly recovered. "How did that not finish them off?"

    Teresa took all of her remaining strength and created one last barrier to keep the Bouffalant at bay. It charged forward ramming the barrier, and while the barrier stopped it for a while, it kept pushing until the shining wall of energy cracked and crumbled. The Bouffalant warrior charged straight through, hitting Teresa and knocking her out in a single hit.

    "Such power," she said, losing control of her body, fainting.

    Lukas, unaware of Teresa's defeat, kept hammering away at the two other warriors but was knocked out too when the Bouffalant rammed it in the back.

    By now, Isaac had revived, so he strode over to watch Lukas get taken down, but quickly fled. Team Blitzkrieg immediately moved in and destroyed the next two towers, and by the time Teresa and Lukas had recovered, the opponent had completely destroyed their nexus, ending the match.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    Okay, I would just like to point out some problems in your grammar. I have noticed that you are missing some commas in your writing. You need to read this out loud, and make sure that you are adding in commas, for pauses, when needed.

    Now, on a happier note, the battle. I LOVED the strategy involved in it, and the way in which you portrayed the melding and added in the 'chat-room' and 'one body, one mind' aspects into the battle. It's like a FPS where you don't do anything, just watch the enemies being mowed down, and taking control whenever you want. The one thing that I would have liked more of is the description of the actual person/human meld.

    Okay, a** is censored, but b*****d and d*******g aren't? I think swearing should be used in moderation, and I would prefer if the stronger swearing was partially censored, but that's just my opinion. I personally dislike swearing, unless you're doing hell or damn or something to emphasize it, if you know what I mean.

    So, yeah. Your grammar was a bit messed-up, as I said earlier, but apart from that, you're doing great!


    P.S.: I wonder why no one else is reviewing? This fic is awesome, to be honest. Anyways, keep writing!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Thanks for the feedback! I reread the chapters, and yes, I can see what you meant by the commas. I'll edit the fourth chapter before I post it and try to smooth it out as much as possible.

    As for the battles, I'm glad you liked them, because I've been trying to find ways to make my writing more descriptive, and I was trying to use the battles as a medium. But really, I just took the chat room idea from the fact that, in a real game of League of Legends, people would likely use an online chat room of sorts, so I incorporated it into the bracelets.

    And I understand your position on swearing, but the idea with chapter three was to make Omega appear like the typical jerk who thinks he's tough because he leads a powerhouse of a team. So I paired this with Lukas' general egotistic attitude and the swearing was a byproduct. I myself have nothing against swearing, save for that one word I would never say, even in writing, so I will continue to use those words, especially around Omega. I apologize if you were offended, as I sure didn't mean to do that, but these words will probably show up later, especially in the second major arc. I'll have the next chapter posted soon, so just keep checking.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    Yeah, I get what you're trying to say- the swearing is necessary, but could you at least try to partially censor it? I mean, I'm not against swearing, but I'm not all for it.

    I'm glad that you're able to take CC- so many people in real life aren't!

    I eagerly await the next chapter!


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    Hello there. I'm here for the review game and I've taken a look at your prologue.

    We’re starting off here with kind of an info-dump. I feel like this information would feel a lot more natural and visceral if it was explored through the action of the story instead of being a sort of “required reading” pitch at the beginning. ‘Cause, see, all this is very abstract. I’m just being told how things are. Whereas, if you displayed the notion of Pokemon-Human bonding through a scene, I’d feel much more invested in what’s happening and I’d feel like there was movement to what was going on. I feel like any time you can show information in a scene it’s pretty much always better (more elegant, more memorable, more engaging) than if you just take the easy way and let the narrator tell the backstory. For me, an info-dump at the beginning is pretty much my signal to look for another fic (unless I’m absolutely blown away with style). Maybe not everyone is the same way, but it’s something to keep in mind if you’re looking for an opening hook to really attract a reader.

    The idea of bonding in itself, however, is interesting. The one Pokemon bonding thing does feel a bit artificial to me, though. Like, a trainer can only bond with one Pokemon simply because that’s easier to deal with as a story-teller than because of the “emotionally taxing” reason you give—it feels more like an excuse than a reason as stated. Perhaps if you went more into just what the emotional toll was and why it’s so lasting and all-consuming that a trainer can only do it with one Pokemon (and if it’s that much of a drain, I’d imagine that even bonding with one Pokemon would have some adverse side-effects) then I’ll probably buy it more, though. So hopefully you build on this idea.

    so it came as little surprise that the bonding bracelets only sold a fraction of what was expected.
    This is a device that gives people the ability to talk to a Pokemon, yes? If so, I don’t really buy that people would pass on such a marvel only because they’re bummed they can’t use it for their whole team.

    These new Pokemon/people “hybrids” became a new sensation, but were quickly shot down as people began to abuse the newfound power of their partner. Police across all the regions confiscated each and every last fusing bracelet, and to the professors, it seemed their hard work would go without recognition.
    This is kind of a major event here where you have an opportunity for a lot of really vivid and action-filled scenes—something that will leave an impact on your reader and draw them in. I’m thinkin’ trainers using fire breath to melt bank vault doors and make off with cash, or zapping their enemies or any other varied form of Pokemon-powered crime/mischief/acts of evil. And the police just confiscate the devices without a fight back? I have to imagine it was a pretty major deal just to get these things away from the powered up people in the first place. There’s a LOT you could do with this to make it actiony. But here it’s just kind of glossed over very quickly in a short, not very detailed paragraph that is more concerned with the feelings of the inventors than the seismic effects their inventions had on society. There could be so much more to this than what there is here.

    That’s where he invented the concept of a sport where humans fused with their partners and fought each other.
    You want “when” here, not “where.” And I feel like this is kind of a weird reaction to his invention’s negative effects. All I really get about his motive here is that he wants the bracelets to be used so that his hard work won’t go to waste. But he must’ve had an idea about how he wanted these bracelets to be used in the first place, yes? Perhaps he saw military applications or health applications or engineering applications. I feel like the normal response would be “I wanted my devices to be used for good but now I’ve found that they’re being used for evil. I must now either denounce my invention and allow it to be covered up so it can’t cause any more harm or figure out a way to make it only be used for good and not evil.” Whereas, what I’m getting here is “I just want people to use my invention and I don’t really care how. Ummm… let’s make people fight with them!” Which is just kind of an odd place to go. I don’t see what good it does or how it benefits him to have the bracelets used for that purpose (unless it’s just the money. If so, that should be mentioned, though I’d think there’d be other, better ways to make a buck off of this technology). I don’t even see why he’d think of that in the first place.

    The game explanation made me feel like I’d drifted into one of those video game tutorial stages that I always try to skip. It would feel much more relevant and worthwhile information to give if I understood why and how this game benefited the board/professors/anyone. Like, I’d expect more talk of “how will this either 1. Make us money or 2. Advance the public good” than game rules that don’t do me much of any good in the course of the prologue.

    They were the Newbie League, for new teams,
    I don’t think the “for new teams” bit is necessary. It’s a repetition since people should know what “newbie” means.

    Isaac… Just a small town boy with a big taste for adventure.
    I’d love to see these character traits demonstrated instead of just told to me right off the bat. A scene of him displaying small-town-boy like attitudes (i.e. not understanding/knowing much about the wide world around him) and thirsting for adventure (trying to get out of town, showing interest in heroes and tales from those outside his town, etc) would go a lot farther toward getting me to connect with this character than this basic description. Specificity helps a great deal when it comes to characters—specific moments.

    His eighteenth birthday went from good to better when he received a bonding bracelet as a gift. He eagerly trekked out into the woods for the next few days dreaming of who he’d bond with.
    It would be much more effective, again, if we had a scene of him at his birthday party, having a great time, and then being over the moon when he opens his present (we don’t even know who it’s from in this brief description), thanking his parents or whoever gave it to him, and thinking “Who will I bond with? Perhaps ____? Oh! Or no, maybe ____!” and preparing for his journey before heading out.

    A few days later, he’d been unsuccessful in all his bonding attempts.
    Again, this is something I’d like to have seen instead of having been reduced to one sentence.

    He angrily kicked a pebble down the dirt path of the woods. “Man…” he said out loud. “Why can’t I bond with anyone?”

    A loud shriek came out of nowhere. Isaac followed his ears and found a wild Linoone being harassed by bugs. Isaac raced forward with his insect repellent primed and sprayed it all around the wild Pokemon. He looked down and the Linoone looked back. “Well…” Isaac said. “Maybe I can give it a shot…”

    He pressed the big purple button on his bonding bracelet and began to communicate with the Pokemon. The Linoone had weak overall fighting abilities, due both to its species and nature, but was agile and quick. Regardless, Isaac kept up the bonding process until it was successful.

    “This will be my ticket to glory…” Isaac thought, as he went home, packed his things, and boarded a bus to Jazmina to join the Warriors’ League.
    This is probably the most effective part of your story because it’s the first time I actually feel like there’s movement going on and I’m with the character in the moment. It could still use more development—like, I’d like to hear more of Isaac’s thoughts about the Linoone and about the bonding process (this doesn’t seem as emotionally taxing as the introduction suggested) and I’d love to see more touches of personality to Isaac because I don’t feel for him much as a character (just as a “type”) at this point, this goes double for Linoone who I don’t know much of anything about personality-wise from this. But nevertheless, this scene is much more effective than the rest of the prologue because there’s movement and character to it.

    To sum up: scene. I’ve repeated myself multiple times, but just to lay everything down at the end of this, putting in actual scenes is the number one thing you could do to make this prologue better—to capture attention, display the concepts you’ve labored over to the best effect, and get your reader invested in this world and its characters. This is a short chapter and I feel like that’s because it’s a summary of a chapter instead of an actual chapter. You have good ideas here! The whole bonding thing and fusing powers and the game (however little I understand about its intended purpose) are neat concepts that you could play with a lot. I just feel very short-changed because I’ve got a cliff-notes version of the aspects of the devices and their history, without actually feeling or experiencing the effects of what happened. I’m particularly interested in the havoc someone could wreak with those fusion bracelets and about the emotional toll/side-effects of bonding with a Pokemon, but these elements are just glossed over.

    I know this is the prologue and you’re trying to set up the rules that you’ll deal with in the rest of the story, but that doesn’t mean it should be pure backstory and no scene. This is where you make your first impression on the reader and show them what they’re in for in the rest of the story. A lot of people are not willing to plow through exposition just to get to the action, so it’s wise to weave the two together and you’ve got ample material here to do just that. There are plenty of ways you can have an impactful story if you deliver information through the story itself and let your scenes and descriptions breathe instead of trying to move on to the next piece of information as quickly as possible.

    Well, I’ve blabbed enough. I hope something I said here was helpful because I really think there’s a lot of potential here that you can get out of this concept if you keep at it. Good luck!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Alright, I'm back in action. So sorry Shy about the long wait, but I finally readied the next chapter! I think chapter five is also done, but I won't post it for a while. And thanks you for your in-depth review Skiyomi. I've no intention of redoing the prologue, but I understand that yes it is quite the info-dump, which is why I'm trying to incorporate more detail in the upcoming chapters. Thank you both, and enjoy!

    Chapter 4

    "Well this sucks!" exclaimed Lukas. "Our perfect record has gone down the drain!"

    "I'm okay with that," said Isaac. "Nobody's perfect."

    Teresa sat on the couch adjacent from the recliners the guys were sitting in looking on her computer. "Aha, here's the trick!" she said, reviewing the previous day's battle. "They group up and take the lane with the fewest number of people, and then they storm it and annihilate the enemy's base."

    "How would one defeat them then?" Isaac asked.

    "It takes teamwork. One person needs to distract one of them and get them away from the others, where their teammates dispatch him. Then they're able to meet them head on and crush them."

    "Well that wouldn't quite work with us," said Isaac. "We would need to distract a second before the first revives."

    "Precisely," Teresa smiled. "You're catching on quick."

    "So if running like crazy into our base is our weakness, what are we strong against?" asked Lukas.

    "I would say that if a team played by placing one or two people in each lane, which is the strategy many people tend to use mind you, we can counter them through divide and conquer."

    "One thing still bugs me, though..." said Isaac. "How would we be able to split a group if they're clumped together?"

    "Good question!" said Teresa. "There are certain moves that Pokemon can learn that can do just that. Take, for instance, the move sky drop. If one picked up and opponent, and, say, flew them over a wall..."

    "You would isolate them," Isaac finished.

    "Well thus concludes the strategy meeting," Teresa stated.

    "Finally!" Lukas exclaimed jumping out of the recliner. "I'm going to the gym. Be back for dinner!"

    Isaac sighed. He’d been staying with his teammates and their daughter in their new apartment since he moved to the city, but he felt like he needed someone of his age to hang out with. “I’m going for a walk around the city,” he said, walking out the door.


    Isaac had found an old-fashioned soda fountain mixed in with the modern shops and boutiques selling designer clothing that he didn’t like and couldn’t afford. Sitting alone at a table with a cherry beverage made him feel a little uneasy as kids and their parents eagerly ran around enjoying the random paraphernalia of the antique museum.

    “Some place…” he commented. “Well, I’ll bet the soda here is good if they’ve remained in business for so long.”

    He reached over for his glass but stopped short when he heard someone giggling behind him. “No don’t stop,” said a female voice from behind him. Isaac turned around and saw a girl who looked to be the same age as he, if not just a few years younger, looking at him and grinning from ear to ear. “I assume this is your first time here?” she asked.

    “Uh…” Isaac tried to say, but nothing would escape his lips. She had long black hair that went all the way down her back and wore a red shirt and a denim jacket with its sleeves cut off. Wow… he thought in his head. She’s gorgeous!

    She smiled and giggled. “Well come on! Try it!” she exclaimed, motioning towards the beverage. Isaac slowly picked it up, feeling a little bit unnerved by her cheery attitude, but he nevertheless held the glass to his lips and took a sip.

    Isaac’s eyes lit up. It wasn’t good; it was damn good. He wasn’t paying attention to their process of preparing the drink but he wondered what they added to make it taste like cherry because, not only was it very pronounced, it didn’t taste syrupy at all. “That’s amazing,” he said.

    “Isn’t it?” The girl laughed and sat down at the table with Isaac. “My name’s Alexia, by the way,” she said, holding out her hand. Isaac reached over to shake it but she quickly pulled it away. “Psyche!” she exclaimed. “So what brings you here alone?”

    “It’s a long story,” Isaac replied.

    “Just tell me, I got time!”

    “Oh alright… I came here to the city about two weeks ago to form a team for the Warriors’ League.”

    “Oh, who’s your partner?” Alexia asked.

    “Well, it may sound kinda dumb but…” Isaac paused. “It’s my Linoone.”

    “Ah! I knew I recognized you from somewhere!” Alexia exclaimed. “You’re Isaac, the scout for Team Legend!”

    Surprised at how quickly his popularity had been spreading, he stuttered, “How did you find out? We’re only bronze rank!”

    “I saw your battle with Omega,” she said. “Don’t worry too much about losing. He’s just a big bully. He beat me too…”

    Isaac spit out a large mouthful of his soda, forcing Alexia to duck to the side to avoid getting hit. “You have a team?” he asked.

    “Well, yeah! I mean, who in this city doesn’t have a team? Well, I’d say we’re experienced, but we’ve been at it for almost a year now.”

    “So you say Omega beat you too?”

    “Yeah…” she said. “He challenges anyone whom he perceives to be a threat when they enter bronze rank. I hear he does this because he’s still upset with losing out on entering the Platinum League.”

    “That’s funny!” Isaac said laughing. “He is a bully!”

    “So, you going anywhere after this?” Alexia asked, noticing his cup was now empty. “I was just going to visit the arcade for a while. Wanna come?”


    “Hmmm…” Teresa looked at the clock to verify that she wasn’t going crazy. “It’s already half past six… Where’s Isaac?”

    “I dunno,” Lukas said, shoveling food into his mouth as fast as he could with just a tiny fork. “Just means more for me!”

    Teresa sighed and sat back down at the dinner table before her husband’s voracious appetite ate through everything on it. “I just hope he hasn’t gotten himself into trouble…”

    “Ah, he’s fine…”

    The door to the apartment suddenly burst open and Isaac rushed inside. “Sorry I’m late; what’s for dinner?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he dashed over to his seat and filled his plate with chicken, rice, and mixed vegetables, joining Lukas in shoveling food into his mouth.

    “Told ya,” Lukas said without looking up.

    “You’re not usually late to dinner,” Teresa stated.

    “Yeah what happened?” asked Lukas.

    “Well I met this girl, and we…”

    “Stop!” interrupted Lukas, slamming his fork down. “Don’t tell me… She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

    “What, no!” Isaac angrily exclaimed.

    “Don’t try to hide it now, kid…” Lukas snickered.

    “Enough, honey,” Teresa calmly replied. “Finish your story, Isaac.”

    “Well, we went to the arcade and I guess I lost track of time… But man! Can that girl rock the guitar controller or what?”

    “Sounds like you’d be a perfect match then,” Lukas chuckled.

    “Oh come on!”

    “I’m just messing with you. Now come on and eat!”


    Almost two months passed by, but it went all too quickly for the group. Having worked out a makeshift counter for strategies like Omega’s, they were able to progress through the league with a record of eighteen wins and four losses, including the loss against Omega.

    Teresa was going through the daily mail when she caught the League symbol stamped on one of the letters out of the corner of her eye. She picked it up as Lukas walked into the room yawning.

    “Ah… Daddy needs his sleep,” he said.

    “Okay,” Teresa said, “well since you’re more rested than me, why don’t you explain to me what this letter is about?”

    Lukas snatched the envelope from his wife’s hand, almost immediately noticing the League symbol. “Well this can’t be good…” He pondered it for a minute, and then shouted, “Isaac!”

    After a few seconds silence, Isaac replied, “Oh, come on! Daddy needs his sleep! What could possibly be more important?”

    “We have a message from the League!”

    Within three seconds, Isaac showed up at their side, intently staring at the letter.

    “Guys,” Teresa started, “We’ll never know what it is with you two gawking at it like that. One of you please open it!”

    Lukas slammed the letter hard into Isaac’s stomach, causing him to grunt in recoil. Isaac quickly yet carefully opened the envelope and retrieved the message. Reading it aloud, he said, “Congratulations Team Legend. On account of your accomplishments in the Warrior’s League, you have been chosen to—” Isaac went silent.

    “Come on! Give me words here!” Lukas shouted.

    “It says we can advance to the Silver League if we beat our next opponent!”

    “Yes! I’m tired of fighting bronze losers!”

    “Technically, we’re bronze losers,” Teresa stated, rolling her eyes.

    “When’s the fight?” asked Lukas.

    “Uh…” Isaac skimmed through the rest of the letter. “Says here that it will be in two days.”

    “Alright! I’m going training with ‘Champ!” Lukas stormed out the door with his partner dashing right behind him.

    Teresa put on her glasses and eyed the letter. “Also says that we’ll be fighting a silver team… Are we ready?”

    “You tell me.”

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    Oh. My. Gawsh.

    This is SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER! The description is absolutely amazing, and the little details that you add in make the story come alive!

    Just one mistake I noticed before discussing the plot:

    "Well this sucks!" exclaimed Lukas. "Our perfect record has gone down the drain!"
    Should be a comma between 'well' and 'this'.

    Now, I love this chapter because, even though there's no action, there's a ton of strategy, plotting, strategic planning, getting ready to battle, etc., and I love strategy.

    They're... going to fight a silver rank team? Wow! Surprising that they might get moved up already!

    And Alexia... can we trust what she says about herself? In a story like this, I'm always suspicious...

    Thanks a TON for finishing this chapter! I'm so happy that I got to read this!

    Keep Writing!

    Last edited by Shymain; 21st August 2013 at 4:07 AM.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    I believe it's high-time I posted the next chapter so I don't fall behind again. I'm still working on the next but I've got plenty of free time despite having been in school for almost three weeks now.

    Chapter 5

    “So any idea who we’ll be fighting?” Teresa asked.

    “No clue,” said Isaac.

    “Are you sure the letter said silver rank?” Lukas said.

    “You wanna see?” Isaac said, holding up the letter.

    “Nah,” Lukas replied. “I’m just glad we’ll finally have a real challenge.”

    “What about our battle with Omega?” Teresa pointed out.

    “Can we forget about that guy already?” Lukas yelled.

    The monorail began to slow to a halt and the three got off. “So where’s our target, I mean enemy, I mean… Where’s the guy who’s supposed to meet us?” Lukas said.

    “Hey!” came a female voice that Isaac vaguely recognized.

    “Well, it looks like our ‘guy’ is really a girl,” Teresa said.

    “Alexia?” Isaac blurted out.

    Alexia sat on the edge of the fountain waving at the three as they walked up, her long black hair almost touching the water. “Hehe,” she giggled. “I knew you wouldn’t resist a challenge!”

    “You’re the captain of a silver team?” Isaac asked.

    “I told you I had one,” Alexia responded. “Did you really expect me to be lower-ranked?”

    “Uh… No, it’s just…”

    “Is this your girlfriend?” Lukas asked smugly, grinning from ear to ear.

    Isaac was about to punch Lukas, but Alexia simply smiled and giggled. “Maybe…” she said.

    “So I guess we’ll be fighting you?” Teresa said. “Where’s your team?”

    “They’re in the locker room getting ready,” she said. “We should probably head that way too!”

    They walked into the stadium and Isaac and Lukas entered the men’s locker room while Teresa and Alexia kept walking towards the women’s. Isaac began to take off his shirt as Lukas exclaimed, “Hey what gives? Where are her teammates?”

    Isaac took his shirt completely off and walked around. “I don’t see them… Weird…”

    “Was she lying? Is this some kind of joke?”

    Isaac thought for a moment, then said, “Perhaps not… Perhaps her teammates are in the women’s room with Teresa…”

    Lukas went speechless. “You don’t mean…?”

    “Yes,” Isaac replied. “We’re fighting an all-girl team.”


    “Good luck guys!” Alexia shouted as she ran off to her end of the field.

    “That girl is a fox, isn’t she?” Isaac said to his teammates as they proceeded to their end.

    Teresa chuckled. “More so than you think,” she replied, and then added, “Her partner is a Ninetails.”

    Isaac laughed. “I had to say fox!”

    “So, not trying to be sexist or anything, but how did she make it to Silver League with an all-girl team?” Lukas asked.

    “I suppose you found out then?” Teresa asked. “I was taken aback myself. They’re a lively bunch of teenagers, that’s for sure.”

    “And I think that’s what Lukas meant,” Isaac stated. “Lively and energetic usually gets you killed in this game.”

    “Only time will tell what their strategy will be…” Teresa said.

    They arrived at their base and took the fusing bracelet, beginning to merge with their partners. “One thing that worries me, though,” Isaac started, “is that she knows our combat style, and we don’t know hers.”

    “Yes, we might have to alter our technique a little…” Teresa pointed out.

    “Alright, let’s move!” Lukas shouted, stampeding off to find a place to hide. Teresa followed him into the middle between the lanes as Isaac chose lane one to hide in. He lay down in the bushes, and saw Alexia’s warrior form heading towards his base without all the Rattata following her.

    They must not have been released yet… Isaac thought. He turned around but Alexia wasn’t there anymore. Then he felt a rather soothing hand stroke his fur. He looked back and saw Alexia in the bush with him, winking as if to say “Good luck” one last time. Before Isaac could attack, though, she turned around and strode off to her own base, her nine tails swaying in the wind.

    “This will be a hard match…” Isaac said.

    “Heh, no problem!” Lukas eagerly shouted.

    “Let’s not get cocky, dear…” Teresa said.

    “Alright, I see the Rattata coming, and Alexia is alone in the top lane,” Isaac stated, refraining from telling them that she knows he is there. “Lukas!”

    “Time to open up a can of whoop-***!” he shouted, as Isaac’s sensitive ears heard him coming towards his location.

    “Teresa, go to the bottom lane and start defending our base.”

    “Okay,” she said, as Lukas arrived at Isaac’s position, slamming all four fists down in front of Alexia. Isaac thought he saw the faintest of smiles on Alexia’s lips despite her initial shock as she blew a heart from a kiss towards Lukas.

    Lukas continued to charge forward, but he ran right into the kiss. “Graaagh!” he shouted, covering his face where the kiss landed and stepping back a little.

    “Honey, what’s going on?” Teresa shouted, but Lukas didn’t answer. Isaac saw him begin to attack his own Rattata as Alexia pelted him with fireballs.

    “Alexia used attract,” Isaac said. “He’s fighting for them now, unaware that he’s slowly being knocked out.”

    “That explains it,” Teresa said. “When under the effects of attract, one cannot communicate in the chat room.”

    “Wait, that gives me an idea… Come here.”

    “Just keep hiding.”

    “She must already know I’m here,” Isaac said. “She should know it was I who called Lukas.”

    “Ugh…!” Lukas said, reentering that chat room. “That ***** trying to get me to attack my own Pokemon...!”

    “Hurry up, Teresa,” Isaac said. “With Lukas down and out, she’ll come for me next!”

    Suddenly, Teresa’s warrior body materialized behind Alexia, and she created her trademark barrier in front of her, preventing her from advancing. “Use disable,” Isaac said.

    Teresa lifted her arm and sent a minor jolt of electricity towards Alexia, and although it didn’t appear to cause damage, her smile quickly turned into a scowl. “Get her,” Teresa shouted.

    Isaac leapt out of the bushes and quickly unleashed a barrage of swipes with his claws. Before she could retaliate with attract, Teresa used focus blast and slammed her away from Isaac as well as knocking her out.

    “Well done,” Teresa said.

    “Not so fast!” Lukas shouted. “Her partners are attacking lane two, and they’re making damn good progress with it!”

    “I’m coming,” Isaac replied.

    “Bring Teresa,” Lukas stated. “If Alexia knows attract, odds are her partners know it too!”

    “Glad to see my husband’s finally using his brain,” Teresa chuckled, following Isaac over to lane two. “We’re going through the middle. Wait at the second tower and we’ll surround them!”

    Isaac and Teresa went forward past the rubble of their first tower. Up ahead, they saw Lukas clenching his fists behind the second, as Alexia’s two teammates, a Roserade warrior and a Milotic warrior, stood out of range of the Pokemon up top. They started to use attract when Teresa shot them both from behind with her disabling jolt of electricity, preventing them from finishing the move.

    Lukas took advantage of their confusion as he surged forward towards the two, dispatching the Roserade warrior with ease. Isaac dashed towards the Milotic warrior, catching her off-guard as she was too focused on Lukas. In her struggle, she took her eyes off Lukas for two seconds, yet that was enough time for him to use dynamic punch just below her chin, disorienting her to the point where she fell.

    “You two keep going,” Isaac said. “We need to make some serious headway to make up for this!”

    “What about you?” asked Teresa.

    “I’m gonna spy on Alexia. If she causes too much damage, I’ll call.”

    “And if you get attract-ed?” Lukas said.

    “Don’t worry about me, just keep pushing. If she attracts me, odds are she’ll just defeat me, and when I respond, you can come stop her.”

    Lukas and Teresa marched ahead, while Isaac dashed through the middle to find Alexia assaulting the first of three towers. He ducked behind the wall where she wouldn't be able to see him, but he soon heard the all-too-familiar explosion that could only mean Alexia had broken through.

    I have to stop her! Isaac thought, feeling a reassuring wave of his partner’s approval. He dashed out of hiding and immediately pounced Alexia, knocking her to the ground. Isaac started to attack her, but she slipped her hand under his chest, and knocked him away in a blast of fire. Without letting him recover, Alexia blew a kiss towards Isaac that hit him right on the lips.

    Admittedly, he enjoyed it at first, then snapped back, realizing that he was slowly succumbing to the attract move, falling under her control. He tried to dash away, but instead his legs rushed forward, right to her side. Isaac wanted to sense his partner, make sure he was alright, but nothing came to reassure him, almost as though they’d been separated.

    He could only watch as his own claws swiped away at the allied Rattata. Isaac braced himself for his inevitable demise, but strangely he fought all the way to his next tower before taking any damage. Out of his peripherals he could vaguely see Alexia stride up to him and fire away at the tower, instead of Isaac!

    It suddenly occurred to him that Alexia had never meant to get rid of him. She knew their plan from the start! She knew that if Isaac could communicate, he’d tell Lukas and Teresa to come and get her when she’d least expect it. It suddenly occurred to him that she’d use him as a puppet until she won.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2011


    Noooooo! Cliffhanger!

    I KNEW there was something more to Alexia! I knew it!

    I loved the battles and the strategies in this chapter, but just a note – all moves should be capitalized.

    I love Lukas's reaction to fighting an all-girls team.

    This chapter was of a pretty good length, and I really enjoyed it. I'm glad you finished and posted it!

    Could you start a PM list and put me on it? Thanks!

    Keep Writing!


  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Flying by Night


    Okay I'm sorry about the long wait. Many things seemed to happen all at once (college-level classes, Final Fantasy XIV, friends at school urging me to play League of Legends with them) but I've been given passion to finish this fight. I feel I owe it to myself to close up any commitments I have, and this, as far as I'm concerned, is a commitment. I've written up to the end of my much-hinted-at first of two story arcs (the first is eight chapters plus the prologue by the way, no clue on the second's length) and I've half a mind to post chapter seven as an apology for not posting in a month. I would like to thanks my friends for being really supportive.

    Anyway, I left off with a pretty big cliffhanger last chapter so let's find out what happens!

    Chapter 6

    Isaac struggled to regain control, but couldn’t despite how hard mentally he focused. He thought that maybe the attract spell had overridden his ability to control his body, letting his partner control it instead, but it was his partner who suffered the most, being the one who was attracted.

    With a loud boom, the second tower was destroyed, and Isaac marched forward alongside Alexia. He tried to tell Linoone to stop, but nothing, not even a simple response, came back. Isaac felt alone, betrayed, and somewhat scared. His partner’s Pokemon instincts weren’t as clear as human instincts and blindly he attacked his allies without knowing. Isaac realized that if Alexia could use attract to great advantage in the Silver League then there must be other moves he was unaware of to be worried about. He shuddered at the thought of a worse strategy.

    At the third and final tower, Isaac finally regained control of himself. For a split-second, he stopped, then, after realizing that he could move, he thought that maybe he could surprise Alexia, but then what? She’d recover and just attract him again. So he continued to attack his own tower, trying to fool her into thinking her attract was still in effect.

    Boom. The third and final tower crumbled, leaving the heart of his base open to attack. Alexia raised both of her hands above her head and channeled fiery energy into her palms, starting as a spark then growing from an ember to a blazing ball.


    Isaac’s thought shot through his mind as his partner’s instincts took control, knocking Alexia to the ground. The fireball she was conjuring vanished on impact, sending tiny sparks in every direction. Isaac furiously swiped away at Alexia, but she merely swatted him away with a fiery swipe of her arm, her face full of anger.

    Isaac tried to fight back but Alexia was too quick. She pounced on him and clawed away at him until finally he was knocked out.

    “Guys,” Isaac tried to say in his team chat. “I’m sorry…”

    No response came. Isaac pondered it, and he couldn’t even hear anything from his teammates, not even earlier when he was released did he hear anything. He looked at his left claw where his bracelet used to be but he wasn’t wearing it anymore. Damn… he thought. Alexia must’ve slipped it off when I wasn’t looking. Alexia began charging her final attack a second time as Isaac closed his eyes, bracing for the explosion that would end the game.


    A massive explosion shook the colosseum, although Isaac noted that it sounded more… Distant… Than he would imagine. He opened his eyes and, through some strange twist of fate, his team’s base was still intact. Alexia defused with her Ninetails partner and slipped Isaac’s bracelet back on his arm. Still cringing a little from the pain, he pressed the button and returned to his human form.

    “Congratulations!” Alexia beamed.

    “What happened?” Isaac asked, still dumbfounded as to why Alexia didn’t win.

    “If I had to guess…” she started, “…I’d say your teammates must’ve beat me to the prize.”

    “But how?”

    “Oh, I don’t know. I’d say you must’ve struck at just the right time. Any sooner or later and I would’ve toasted your base! That, and you really had us going when Teresa used disable. I know your strategy from watching you on TV but I’ve never seen you use it before!”

    “Come to think of it…” Isaac said. “I didn't even know she had that... I was half-expecting her to say something like 'Sorry! I don't have that move!' and then I'd be like 'Yup. We're screwed.'”

    Alexia smiled and giggled. “Our strategy has more of a deceptive style to it. It allows us to tackle more than one opponent, provided one of them is a guy of course.”

    “I’d imagine that all-guy teams are a cakewalk for you then.”

    “They all underestimate us. We just play the game and it catches them off guard.”

    “What about an all-girl team like yourself?”

    “Then we usually lose,” Alexia said. “Why do you think we’re still silver after a year of playing? We don’t have the power that Lukas has, so they tend to walk all over us.”

    Isaac thought for a minute what next to say, when Alexia said, “Maybe you should join our team!”

    “What?” he shouted. “And ditch Lukas and Teresa?”

    “All you need to do is teach your Linoone attract.”

    “Thanks…” Isaac responded, “but I’m not about to abandon my partners.”

    Alexia shrugged. “Suit yourself. Hey! Why don’t we celebrate your victory? We could go back to that soda shop where we met!”

    “Eh why not?” Isaac said as Alexia grabbed him by the wrist and drug him out of the colosseum.

    Meanwhile, Lukas and Teresa had been watching Isaac from a distance. “Yeah,” Lukas said. “They’re definitely going out.”


    "This city never ceases to amaze me!" Isaac said, looking up and admiring the enormity of the skyscrapers and yet how clean it seemed to be.

    "What made you decide to come here then?" Alexia asked.

    "Well, you know I'm from Howardsville, a very small town towards the edge of the region, but my grandmother gave me this on my eighteenth birthday. She told me it was from my late grandfather, who had only passed a month earlier."

    "That's sad..." Alexia responded.

    "Well what about your parents?"

    "It's not like I ever knew my parents..." Alexia paused. "I was an orphan you know."

    "What?" Isaac exclaimed.

    "Yeah... I try not to think about it, ya know? It just... Makes me sad... I'm not usually the kind of person to worry myself about these things. Besides, if it weren't for my adoptive parents, I never would've met my best friends, their two nieces."

    "So when am I gonna meet them?" Isaac asked.

    Alexia burst out laughing. "You already have, silly!" After noticing Isaac's confusion, she added, "They're my teammates!"

    "Well that explains a lot. Hey, what time is it?"

    "Oh, it's, uh..." Alexia looked at her watch and suddenly went silent. "Oh. My. Gosh. I completely forgot!"


    "The government is going to make a huge announcement in just five minutes!"

    "Well shouldn't we be heading towards the city central then?" Isaac asked.

    "We better hurry!" Alexia shouted, grabbing Isaac once again by the wrist and dashing through the crowd.

    "So what's this big announcement that's so important?" Isaac asked.

    "Well, you know who Team Ace of Spades is, right?"

    "Hmmm..." Isaac thought he vaguely heard of that team before, but he couldn't quite tell why.

    "Okay, I'll tell you: they're the highest-ranked Platinum team in the League. Pretty much they're the best of the best!"

    Alexia continued. "Their leader, Geraldo, has been planning this announcement for months! Knowing him, it has to be good!"

    "I'd imagine," Isaac agreed.

    "Oh! Right on time!" Alexia said as she and Isaac reached a huge crowd of people looking up at the giant television screen overlooking the city's central square. "And with three seconds to spare!"

    Isaac looked up at the newscaster featured on the screen. "...And now for a live interview between the president of the Viwa Region, President Isaiah, and the leader of Team Ace of Spades, Geraldo."

    The screen flashed and buzzed a few times, and showed a man in a nice business suit and clean hair, presumably the president. The other man looked more like he belonged in the wilderness, as he had medium-length black hair, a big nose, red eyes, and plenty of facial hair. The man in the suit looked up and smiled at Geraldo. "So, I've looked over the plans that you have in mind, and, I have to say, I'm quite skeptical. Do you really think your plan will work?"

    Geraldo adjusted the cowboy hat he was wearing, and said, without looking up, "It's quite simple really... I've planned out every detail about this excursion: food, gear, mapping... I know for certain that I will be able to bond with the legendary Pokemon."

    A wave of gasps, followed by silence, emanated from the crowd. The president continued, "What you're attempting is unprecedented! Only rarely do people who attempt to bond with a legendary come back alive and those that do are... Well I'd say it’s a fate worse than death!"

    "No matter..." Geraldo said without emotion. "**** happens all the time..."

    "Mr. Geraldo, I'd appreciate it if you watched your language on live..."

    "...And," Geraldo interrupted, "I've been training for this day ever since joining the League, both physically and mentally. I'm quite certain that this achievement is in fact attainable."

    The president was stunned, and everyone in the crowd could tell just by looking at his face. "Well then... When did you say your plane was leaving again?"

    "Three hours," Geraldo said, getting out of his seat and walking towards the door. "I bid you adieu now, Mr. President." At that point, the screen blacked out.

    "Wow..." Isaac said. "That's heavy. Do you think he'll be able to accomplish it?"

    "Definitely not!" Alexia shouted. "We have to knock some sense into that guy! He's insane!" Alexia darted over to a motorcycle and began tampering with the ignition.

    "What are you doing?" Isaac shouted.

    "I gotta go warn him! He's out of his mind if he thinks he'll come back alive!"

    "And if he does...?"

    "It's a fate worse than death!" Alexia kicked the motorcycle, causing it to hum and then start. "Come on!"

    "Wait, you mean I'm suddenly involved in this?"

    "Yeah, now hurry up!"

    Isaac reluctantly agreed and hopped on the bike behind Alexia. "One more thing... Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?"

    "I will soon!" she said, kicking the brake away and twisting the arm, shooting down the street.

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