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Thread: Innocencia at Maturite

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Innocencia at Maturite

    Visions. We human beings know this as an important part in the fabrics of space and life. Magic, spells, illusions, and dreams belong to a world where they visit our minds: alluring us in worlds most of us desire to live in. History books tell us that people who have visions play very important moments in civilization. It could be visions from Christ, that one mysterious man who knew the exact dates of our world’s disastrous events like “9/11” and the Nazi Regime, or maybe someone like Chin Shin I guess: the one Chinese Warlord who united China. But in my case, reality kept shattering my childhood dreams like a rock slide during a typhoon storm. What mattered worse for me is that reality shatters our very being and motifs. Life as of today becomes all about either being different and hated by people, or going with the “Hive’s Norm” as I call on following the norm of everyone else.

    My story begins in a ship sailing the sleeping ocean.

    It was evening over the ship until my only human companion, Oscar Ranui, opens the door. Tilting his transparent glasses, it fits a man in his forties wearing a casual formal set of maroon uniform and navy aquamarine pants. His approaching smile gives me a sense of ease after doing what I had to do.

    "Come in," calling him, I relax at the bed I’m laying while playing my Pokemon Black Version. I was at Route 16 checking my items after pushing the Y button.
    Oscar was a modest and honest man. I found him on the store before because he found one of my released books, "Fading Delinquent". A coincidence? Or the pen of fate brought us together? Indeed, my first published novel shows the sorrowful life I had in my homeland. I don't consider it as a haven anymore if your own countrymen will mistreat you with verbal and emotional abuse for many years. I rarely had any happiness in life that came from my old family. Even if they cared for me, they never gave and teach me the right way on what it means on living life to the fullest. As I nearly finished writing my novel back then, I engraved there my personal tastes about the dark truth of my homeland, and how it brought me to this sorrowful life.

    That is, before that incident.

    "Remy. I know how much you had to do, not just with my working place but also rebuilding your fallen life. You can have a bit of this coffee." He said.

    "Thanks." Though it’s lukewarm, as he left my room, I drink it all in one gulp.

    Indeed, I am a writer should I forget about myself. I am Remy, a human without a human family. A height of five point five, the average healthy Filipino height worthy to wear decently long leather pants, a former casual emerald green travelling uniform, and travelling rubber shoes. Personally, I’ll have to erase my past identity this time.

    My new companion came from New Zealand, strange as it is somehow, my book reached that country. A young writer like me who never had a college degree? I kept saying to myself that my works would be dumped out. Getting a Pinoy book to be sold out there in countries in the USA would be like scooping the ten pieces of cherry hidden in the massive content of a fruit salad.

    Yet I’m thankful to actually have a foreigner adult who can stay in level with my semi-American-English level of intelligence, unless you never knew that Philippine English was one of the successful and dominating English forms worldwide thanks to the OFWs (Overseas Filipino Workers). But I will tell you, he went to my country because he needed recruits in the field of novel writing and literature for his bookstore business. Even now on my age, I can’t help but feel and speak like a lost child. Only worse that is.

    Oscar’s intentions, I couldn’t tell.

    If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here in New Zealand by now. Better yet, I won’t be able to leave the country for good like the many maggots of my terrible country and its people. Long story short, I chose to permanently leave my country for good. As one part of me said “Screw that civilization,” I immediately accepted Oscar’s offer.

    This letter, while I wanted to throw it away at the ocean, my hands couldn’t do so. One part of me said that I need to swallow every word that my old family had written for me.

        Spoiler:- Dear son,:

    This moment, when I was at the hospital back then, my mind just cannot let it go. Oscar kept me in check after that incident.

    "After, uhh, reading about your story book back in your country, spell out your parent’s letter, and hearing your confession, you remind me of my longtime friend back then. When I saw you for the first time, I sensed something. It’s not the potential for something grand about yourself. But as someone who suffered through the battle against one's cultural identity. You looked like someone whose gift got tarnished. You are grown up on mind and body, yet childish on spirit. Perhaps you could work with me in New Zealand. You seemed old enough for basic responsibilities too sonny." Looking at the black sky, glimpsing a shooting star fills me a sense of hope. My old family taught me before that the only way for me to live and survive with my fellow countrymen would be living like a normal educated Filipino child. But I ignored that since I wanted to be the one carving out my destiny, something that I only learned from Pokemon.

    I sound delusional to either them or maybe you. Out of the many things I’m still struggling is to know my own destiny and purpose. Even if I find it, how would I do it? I just don’t know. When Oscar came to me, fate gave me a door of opportunity. This opportunity entices me to tackle it. But this will be my once-in-a-lifetime moment with no turning back.

    "Mr. Oscar Ranui, I accept the offer to work with you in New Zealand." With my family and last name burned to the ashes within my memory, only the name Remy remains. With his help, my escape is done through unexpected ways. One of the steps would be a decoy playing my untimely death during my journey. How do you ask? He drugged me with a fake death pill of sorts. Maybe it’s just knockout pills. I couldn't remember well for most of it felt blurry. When I woke up this afternoon, I ended inside a small ship, probably a yacht. It’s a surprise that I still have my back with my DS and charger.

    As I continue pressing buttons, I encounter a female Minccino. It is so adorable that I wasted no thought and start catching it with my Snivy. Reading that theme of cleanliness disorder with its tail, a name pops in mind.

    Cinna Mint.

    After saving my file, I give it one last look before closing it. Little did I know, beyond the laws governed by reality, that she will be more than just a pokemon.

    “I wish that the pokemon themselves will bring back my childhood.” This mutter of mine, I find it not all grown up. But life has never been emptier and darker than a black void.
    Last edited by jireh the provider; 2nd August 2013 at 2:51 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Chapter 1: New Zealand and Minccino my sister

    Well, I guess i could only say, enjoy, read, and review?

    Dreaming in an unknown place, everywhere I look, pokemon are roaming around. No humans indeed. I'm the only one. Seeing my pokemon friends way back from my days, oh how relieved I am to feel their embrace. I end up apologizing to them when I lost them to the point I blamed myself for it. Much to my dismay, they forgave me after my honest failure. Until, they spell out their oath to me.

    Saving the best for last is none other than the girl I fell in love: my favorite legendary pokemon, "We will join with you. Don't worry sweetheart." Quite difficult to grasp for some of you I bet. Me? Marrying someone who doesn’t exist and only a product of the imagination? Maybe you’re right. I admit, telling me that I shouldn’t marry a star head fairy pokemon that looked and sound like a young child is so taboo. Society’s just too realistic as of now or back then. But for me, it truly happened to me.

    Ever since I isolated myself from those people in my juvenile days, Jirachi came into my dreams as a companion. A lot of those days I always talk with her inside my dreams. As days and nights move on, our friendship evolves to that of a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. For her though, she’s already fine being with me.

    "What's this?" holding an egg like ornament emitted warmth all over myself.

    "A gift from me. Raise her as how you raised me my love. Cherish her, for she's my child too," I can feel it mixed with her warming hug with my own. "My spirit will be with her," Behind her, I see a mysterious figure fade in on what looks like a human girl. Doubts lingered within me whenever I look at one. But her soft touch at my face close to my eyes, she wipes away my first few tears.

    "That's the closest as I can get to live with you again. Find me." When I just wail, it is a cry that didn't make me heavy. It made me fly high with so much hope thus we gave ourselves our final kiss before I slept to a peaceful slumber.

    "I love you. Sachi. I'll find you. I promise" are my final words to her.

    Timeline: 6 days before meeting Lucy. Day 1 at 8 am

    The next day, after stretching up high my arms, I glance look at the ship's window seeing that the sun is not as bright compared to what I've known in Manila. Seeing what's on my table, I get a plate of pancakes serve for me. Since I’m just a human being without a family –if you put Oscar Aside-, he is supplementing both of us.

    Luckier for me, he intentionally gave me my own room to meditate with myself last night.

    Until, on the table is something so small that left my mouth open startled. "A Minccino?" in my motionless awe, I feel rough cracks on the shirt I’m wearing when I place my hand on it. "Egg shell fragments? Is that, my recently obtained pokemon?”

    Nibbling at the pancakes over my plates cutely, its white fur along with its broom-tail makes me adore her. Something like those maiden arts you see in Japanese anime. Plus, its small little polished tail waggling the vase dusting off the dirt was very kind of her. Her squeals scream to me the term “I’m a girl.”

    "Morning little fella," Even though my voice can be rough like a militant, for this day, I feel and sound so young again. "Can I join you?" I personally don’t like sounding a bit diplomatic when I talk with others, which I find cumbersome in some situations.

    Joining her by the next chair seat, I grab a fork and began cutting the pancakes and eating this pan cooked pastry. Of course I give her a piece that she can finish for my first impression. As she feeds herself up, I give her a soft pet. My logical side keeps telling me that I may be hallucinating. But when I felt her solid body and smooth fur, she mewled in glee. Logic is defeated by that mewl. I place a hand on her chest to learn that she really is living. I can feel her quaint heartbeat. To have a living pokemon in reality, something that I could not compensate and beyond its grasp to hold, I am left speechless. Yet I am so joyful about this.

    Once we finish our pancakes, she cradles over my arms as I hug her close to my chest sleeping, while I’m crying a lot of tears. Today, out of my entire life, feeling and carrying a living pokemon in my supposed empty arms; this is my happiest moment in life ever, something that my past has never achieved before.

    "I see that you also have a pokemon just like me," I turned at the door to see Oscar along with a puzzled Smeargle. "To see you cherish pokemon reminds me of my kid, before he passed away. But Remy, how close are you to these pokemon?"

    "I bet you can see it for yourself now. I feel like it is a gift that cannot be replaced at all." while I’m wiping my tears away with my shirt’s sleeves, I keep my new chinchilla cradling me. My lips may be blank straight all the time. But touching her made me smile wide on the inside in contrast to my physically faint smile.

    "You know what, this pokemon, Smeargle, was the first. And last pokemon that my adopted child told me. And I came to admire it. Just how my child showed me pokemon," for such an old man, I can see through his eyes and hear his voice that he loved his human child dearly. Maybe his child left already? Or did he pass away? "You should give your pokemon a name."

    A good thought came to my mind. Not only did Minccino's innocence win my heart, but it becomes my new family tree. Plus, she's now like a sister to me who surpasses my other previous sister. Just from meeting her on that one moment, I have somebody who wants to mingle with me as a sibling.

    "Oscar. I have a name for both of us. My last name will be, Anima. Like her innocent anima." nodding at my own made family name, he opens the door nodding his head for me to follow him.

    "Come with me." Both I and Oscar climbed to the deck of the yacht ship and had ourselves a viewpoint in the front part of the boat.
    While I see Smeargle and Ranui enjoy each other’s company, my partner pokemon opens her invigorated eyes, "Good morning my cute little Cinna Mint," she tilts her head wondering on what the name I gave her meant, "That will be your name from now on, dear little sister." Her giggles and blushing are priceless.

    After landing on the port, we breathe in our first New Zealand breeze. The air for both of us means a new innocent life. My new sibling, Cinna Mint Anima the minccino, rests on top of my head as I use her like a cap. This reminds me of Max and Jirachi on their movie. As for this new motherland, I find it nice as I can see lots of fishing boats. Just like the country I lived before. I tried my best to forget the days of my life back at that wrenching poor man’s state completely. Everything about that place means nothing to me now. I may still have fragments of that past. But on our first field trip, we traveled to what I would finally call my true home. With an optimistic view of my life, I catch up running to Oscar’s vehicle.

    Travelling north of New Zealand, what surprised me is that every human that I see everywhere has one partner pokemon. I couldn't believe it! The pokemon came to us? “Incredible!” I say to myself. It's like Sachi my wife, truly granted my childhood wish. Before, they were just merely dreams to keep me happy and alive back in my unhappy life. But to see them everywhere I could go and hold one in the palm of my hands, my new childhood surpassed my current adulthood.

    “Perhaps, I can rewrite myself again.” Committing to that belief, my new conviction will be the theme for my next novel. Even if I'm eighteen now, I'm now blooming new seeds within my empty soul. And that new seed is my sister. Cinna Mint.

    Later on, we arrive at my new home. "Well then Mr. Anima, as for the home that you need, I saved a small portion of my old land to you," showing me his old house, I'd say it's not so bad when it looks like one of those containers you can find on the back of big trucks and cargo ships. With the right decoration, it feels very modern with a natural nature touch. Living at the sub urban side of New Zealand is my kind of theme to enjoy. Not like Beverly Hills but it's worth it.

    "Since you are new to this place, I'll let you stay and get used to this place for the first three days. As for your stuff and money, you'll receive it tomorrow afternoon." Thus, after receiving the keys, he leaves us be. It's just me and my sister. “I don't care if I never had any human friends that will only abuse me again. As long as she's with me, she makes my life worth living.” After speaking to myself, I unlock the door and enter our house.

    "Mincci …" she seems to be eyeing the cleanliness of this place. As she jumps off of me, she’s sitting on the couch and, just what the Pokedex says, starts cleaning things again like an inspector. Since she's getting herself dusty again, I better clean her up after this. Checking at my bedroom, placing down my luggage, I change myself to some appropriate home clothing. It is quite a simple white shirt and blue shorts: nothing too fancy.

    "Cino!" With an “Ooofff!” from me, she tries surprising me from behind. All I give out is a laugh. "Awww. Isn't that nice sister? You're so energetic! It seems you want a pet again. Don't ya?" Her wink is a yes teller to my eyes.

    So I carry her over to the kitchen and pet her a lot again. But of course, a little massaging wouldn't hurt. Learning the art of massaging is a habitable thing that I remember doing back then. While her structure seems the same despite her much smaller height, her tail is something different. So I only start with her head and fluffy ears. Seeing her getting relaxed and mewling her affection to me, and importantly, love, my soul feels like molding my shattered childhood with my newer source of happiness. Cinna Mint herself becomes my new reason to live.

    After that, I check the refrigerator if Oscar left something for me to buy with for our dinner. I am likely to get confused with my new environment which is okay since that's living and learning, right?

    Looking at the living room, a decently sized LCD TV is idly hanging on the wall. Out of boredom, I decide to have a view on what they have available to know. The first part of the news, it starts in the Philippines. And who knew, I see that even I can make a difference against the nation through the news. That news even came to New Zealand. “Unbelievable.” I ask myself.

    … Recent news came to see the corpse of what appears to be the body of Remy Sedel. A student from a catholic school near one of the schools of the university belt. He was one of those victims that beggars from Quiapo found a few days ago. Sadly, his corpse was found under the Pasig River drowned from the murkiness of the dirty waters. Also, the cops found what they seem to believe one of his literary writings. A letter of rebellion. Saying:

    Dear Philippines,

    After learning the painful truth about the corruption of your society, I came to realize what you guys are truly made of. A bag of slave mongers. And you know what, here's how I see Philippines in General. YOU FILIPINOS ARE AN ETERNAL DISGRACE! How could have the nation fallen to the lust of selfishness that I'll never know. And you know what, I killed myself since I'm tired of being bullied by my own kin, especially the young generation of today. Only if I could just call their doom desire and permanently eliminate their race. But after a boiled up anger, I decided to give you my true view to Philippines that they are afraid to be with people that are living differently. As I slice and drown myself below these rivers, I hope that the other nations will start bragging you guys back and realize what it's like to be a slave to the laws of their cultural identity. Hehh … can't wait to see you guys suffer the price of your actions amongst yourselves. This society is ready to die like me if the politicians and the people won’t change.

    With a message like this from a recently graduated adult, Capital Nations like Japan, USA, and France respond to such words and faults. Some countries gave some threatening demands to the Philippine president that the Filipino society needs to change or their reputation will be left to dust. Some are even fearful that their race will face the genocide that the Jews faced during World War 2 someday. Others are disagreeing with this message. Perhaps the Philippine Nation is now under a social crisis. It's either learn or die from their own hands. True to term on how one can make a change. This is news for tonight.

    "Min … ccino?" looking directly to my face, her sadness creeps inside me.

    "It's okay sister. You felt it. Right?" she gives me a nod, "They took away my life. But you gave me a new life. That's why that child isn't me anymore. I'm starting anew." As she looks into my eyes, her voice mends with her sadness. Long time I live my life frowning against everyone I've met back then, a newborn smile blooms at me.

    "Did you know, I really wasn't alone back then?" I said


    Placing my right hand on to her small body, I pressed her gently to my stomach, "I had a pokemon before you even came. She was not only a friend. She's the girl I fell in love. Sachi is her name, the girl who saved my innocence."
    Last edited by jireh the provider; 2nd August 2013 at 2:53 PM.

    Please keep my young partners in company.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Chapter 2: Restaurants and Home Made Meals

    Timeline: 5 days before meeting Lucy. Day 2 at 9 AM

    After my very early sleep yesterday, I can feel within me a new spirit and persona leading me to a new life. That previous moment echoed tranquilly within me as I explore this new place I am living.

    Last night, little sister begged for her to sleep next to me. Normally, I'd be in denial due to my previous experience with my past human sister. My guess was that my new sister understood me crystal clear with respect for a moment. But throughout that last evening, it was a moment of true compassion that tremendously impacted my heart in several ways.

    Even if I blanketed myself like a cocoon, the dry cold breeze shivered my tolerant body. Maybe the wintery-ocean-like breeze was so foreign to me that I felt helpless wrapping my arms all over my chest. Tugging at my blankets, she climbed to my bed when she heard my shivering breath. Looking on what she wanted to do, she snuggled herself to my chest and cuddled: most likely to hear my heartbeat. Not an Audino, but a Minccino.

    All I did was shed joyful tears and embracing her smile on that moment. My world never felt so cold and sharp anymore. Rather, it feels warm and soft within me. Her affection dusted away most of my past memories away. When I closed my eyes, I murmured softly to her ears, on what I perceived, as my happiest whisper of gratitude. "Thank you. And, good night. Sister."

    Within a couple hours, our relationship grew from trainer and companion, to master and ally, until we became true siblings. Everything that I did back at the boat until now, unlike everything else way back then, was something I finally received through the pokemon themselves. "I may never have human companions again. But pokemon companions will forever be irreplaceable." Ahh, it reminds me of the story that Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky did present to me. It seems that the hero's story is now in motion, minus the “Doom to the world” plot, Dialga’s time gears, Wigglytuff and friends: Bidoof, Sunflora, Loudred, Corphish, Croagunk, Chimecho, the annoying Chatot, and the bulletin board with crime jobs.

    But as a father figure, I recall that part of the game where the hero and heroine are raising baby Manaphy as their child. My sister is like Manaphy while I'm the couple molded as a single father. Perhaps, after asking myself countless times, it could be from that reason why I felt more alive as a pokemon creature rather than a human being. Yet, something feels missing.

    Checking the garage yesterday, I found myself a bike with a hard-dulled basket on the front. It’s just perfect to ride out in this unfamiliar sub-urban city.

    But today, I feel like having a meal outside. All thanks to Oscar’s money.

    Dear Remy Anima,

    "I won't be available for a few days since I have to bring back some of our carriage from my ship. In case you need to do some shopping, I may as well give you one thousand dollars. Lots of restaurants are filled with people ready to eat whatever they have to offer."

    Oscar Ranui

    Though I didn't ask him to retrieve some of my important thing back at my old country, he still did it for me disobediently. I don't know how he could do it. Well, I don’t care.

    Grabbing myself the “Australian Dollars” that he left for me yesterday –I found it inside his old cabin-, giving her a quick call, I gently pick her up and let her hitch on the basket. Well, it's better than a time-consuming walk. "Want to find something for us to eat?"

    "Min! Ccino!" who could easily resist her charms? Mostly someone who’s oblivious to romance, I guess. Not me though.

    "Let's go then sister." With a warm-up paddle on my newly owned sturdy bike, I take a new ride to my new homeland, feeling the wind breezing me and my sister’s morning as if I’m reliving the early years of my youth. Today’s breath of fresh air eases my theta: my personal favorite word for soul.

    Arriving at the nearest town, whatever the name is I still don’t care, my expectations are more than just good, “Oh my Gosh! Goodness there's a whole ton of restaurants in this country!” I could feel my gut telling me that I may get lost finding a restaurant to have a meal. Not the map location of the town. "Now what meal should I have for today?" After touring parts of the crowded restaurant town, I park my bike at one of my familiar and favorite restaurants- Tokyo-Tokyo.

    Long description short; just imagine a modern Japanese fast food restaurant, "Minccini. Mincci!" Arriving at the cashier, my furry sister jumps off like an acrobat landing next to my designated cashier.

    "Welcome to Tokyo Tokyo sir. What order do you want sir?" the cashier lady gleefully smiles at me along with her flapping Mothim –like a bigger size beige winged moth- roosting atop her head. For a young adult of twenty five years old, her red and white clothing shines to me the logo of this restaurant. I grab an order of Shrimp Tempura -wrapped fried shrimp otherwise- and one large Red Iced Tea. It should normally be okay for me. Since I'm not sure if my sister’s appetite is omnivorous or not, I give her my un-tampered vegetables.

    After finishing our meal, one small bowl of well-cooked veggies did the trick. If there is one thing I have learned today, it would be her tiny stomach capacity. Bowl of veggies the size for a small miso soup is equal to a filled sister. Though I hate saying this, my sister flinches every time I bite a juicy fried shrimp.

    Leaving that restaurant, something echoes within my mind telling me that I must start shopping meals on my own. "Restaurants will bore my taste buds if I don't start cooking my own meals soon."

    "Minccino. Minccci! Ccino! Min!" sadly, I couldn't understand her speech. But I CAN see her pointing at the nearby river.

    "Looks like I'll have to teach you how to speak like sister," Whispering to her ear, she tilts her head with eyes looking straight to me "Do you want to relax there?"

    "Min!" with that happy smile, we run back towards my bike and pedal my way towards the river.

    Stopping my bike next to the tree both of us were sitting, I am having the scene of my life as my slightly curved smiling lips savor the scene. With children playing around their new companions, something tells me that Jirachi – no, Sachi anticipates this. When her world merges with mine, I'm sure the whole world of journalists will be making “Pokemon Appearances” as today’s hot topic. But this time, this reality will slowly become the reality that I've come to know and love from a video game. Though it's not Pokemon Mystery Dungeon standards, still, I'm starting to enjoy my new life. My previous human experiences, worthless compared to today’s rebirth.

    It’s three in the afternoon. My body just got the rest it needed after having ourselves a scenery break. Riding my bicycle once more, both of us go to the nearby supermarket three streets away. The market itself is rather British brick country classic from the design of its walls. With enough kinds of beef, pork, poultry, fruits and veggies, and seasonings and spices, I pay the cashier one hundred dollars for the things that will keep both of us fill and full for -my guess- estimated five to seven days. Shopping spree is half way finished though. I buy a pair of notebooks for myself to write my own diary and another one to write my new experiences that New Zealand will offer to me.

    With fresh new paper, my first new project is New Zealand. Next is an original novel of mine about my old life in a fantasy genre. There is a saying that getting the paradise you dreamed would mean looking back on your origins.

    Dear Diary,

    Right now, I am writing my first novel just a day after the pokemon came to our world. I have to be honest though. What Oscar meant by restaurants, he meant customer FILLED UP restaurants! The amount of people eating at those places everyday made me somewhat sick in the stomach. Thus, my resolution is that I should also get used to cooking my own home made food. I can't worry too much about that since I have experience on cooking complicated meals like steamed pork soup, rice cakes, and soy sauce beef. Fruits salad was my new sister's first man made meal that I made myself. Even though Cinna Mint may be a Minccino, I don't just her as a pokemon. She means family. Well then who knows? By tomorrow evening, I have myself a chapter about my trip in New Zealand. I got half of it about the modern food culture which is rather dull overtime. Too much of the same food will always make someone sick.

    -Remy Anima
    Last edited by jireh the provider; 2nd August 2013 at 3:12 PM.

    Please keep my young partners in company.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Chapter 3: Best of both worlds

    Timeline: 4 days before meeting Lucy. Day 5 at 9 am.

    With the sun rising emitting such warmth, our faces are greeted by sunlight. Stretching our hibernating bodies, I did a couple P.E. warm ups to my body: Neck Rotating, Arm Stretching, Leg Stretching, Chest and Back Stretching, and a couple Jumping Jacks. I happily laugh as Cinna mint tries mimicking my “fittingly fitting fit” actions known as healthy exercise. It's hard for me to frown at her attitude through so much optimism that sweetens my morning. Hey, I didn't say that I kissed her lips to lips this morning! Though I admit it’s a bit too taboo for humans to be intimate with animals of the opposite species. Same goes to Pokemon as well.

    Cooking myself some honey cured crispy bacon, and some sunny side up eggs, I use the remaining white rice from last evening to make myself some fried rice. I hate wasting food. Of course the healthy fruit salad dessert never gets behind since both of us only ate one sixth of the entire wide bowl that I made last evening.

    *Ding Dong*

    "Minccino?" petting her head, I carry her until I open the door calling to me. Guess what? It's a mailman! With a Pelipper stalking me! I can't help but feel like that Big Beak was eyeing my soul. "Ccino?"

    "Uhhmmm. Sir? What is your concern here?" I need a bit of scratching from what's happening now. That thing just stares inside me with intentions on trolling me back after I constantly trolled it when I was a kid.

    "Are you Sir Remy Anima?" this mailman is one of those that carry bright yellow colors that make him look like owning a car washer. Add that Pelipper on the hot-pot, I get the most awkward reality game show encounter ever given to me.

    Anyways, nodding is all I did. I had to put down sister for me to carry this brown buffed box package that he just gave to me, "This is something from Oscar Ranui that he wanted to give to you." checking his watch, a last quote order is something he passes to us. Business as usual, "Thanks for calling our service. Hope we could serve you again." When that dude finally left the scene, this day left me a weird feeling inside my confused brain.

    “I'll never understand why I wanted to break a Pelipper's beak when I was a kid.” As I stand still there, sister gives me a dry clean treatment to my legs.

    After finishing our breakfast, we check our special package. Turns out I got my old Wii kit back along with my video games too. I'll never understand how he did it. More to that, I receive few of my old clothes back couple with a few dusted novels that I bought when I was a kid. Though I can't name them all, I still remember "The Scorpion's Gate" as one of my mostly read novels that was written by a politician. At the bottom of the package, a worn papered letter. Unfolding it, the messages speaks it purpose to me.

    Dear Remy,

    I hope that I didn't miss out anything that you used from your old country. But nonetheless, I hope you got one chapter done for me to read for my return. I don't know what book you're writing now. But I'm sure that it is something new for us both. I must tell you that there is an upcoming event about a new business opening for the first time at sunset. I'd recommend that you go there with your furry pal. Perhaps you could find an inspiration on that event. The location is at Auckland. It's a bit far from your place. So I highly recommend that you leave early. Enjoy the moment of your new leaf.

    -Oscar Ranui

    After tailoring my new home, both of us have a bath together -don't ask what happened- and dress up for this place he invited us to visit. I’m still using my functioning bicycle to get there and use my GPS phone to navigate my way around. But I had to ask for directions the old classic way through the process.

    Arriving at the event in Auckland, a crowd of people celebrates the opening of a new business about a new human organization. But what made it more wonderful was the fact that they included the newly arrived pokemon to make the ‘Grand Opening Party’ more enjoyable. From psychic types teaching and guiding young kids on basic writing skills, to human adults training their new pokemon companion to speak the human tongue, this place is booming with endless activity. Of course we join the celebration at a drop of a hat. I mean wynaut?

    Looking inside the building leaves me with so many things to choose from. Seeing a line of people buying a book about "Happiness", I line along the fray as well.
    "Hello there sir! You're one of today's luckiest one thousand customers to get your hands on our new book that you can use for your everyday life. This is called 'The key to Happiness' for free. I hope you and your companion will enjoy reading this."

    Grabbing my lucky free book and saying my gratitude, both of us keep searching for a book that Cinna Mint that she must learn: an English speech book, along with a 'Normal type Pokemon to English translation book'. Combine these and I got two books totaling One Hundred Ten dollars. To end our day, we join on a photo booth to give ourselves a couple pictures. My most favorite would be Cinna Mint wearing a mini French Maiden doll costume.

    After a long bike returning back home, and dealing with her ice cream craze along the road, sunset is about to cease. I think dinner would be much more appropriate before I begin teaching her patiently like a farmer.

    "Minccino! Mincci! Min!" both of us had sliced apples and fruit salad for our dinner that night. The apples may not be the ones that I know anymore. But I still accept it just like every other cultured apple.

    "I'm sorry sister. I couldn't understand much of what you say." I said.

    "Minn…" seeing that disappointed expression always gives me an inner face palm.

    "Don't glum me up sis. I have a way for me to understand and understand you," Putting more effort on to my smile, I pick up the book that I need to read after I finish that one chapter by tonight. Curiosity caught the cat from seeing her face.

    "Once I learned your language, I can clearly understand everything that you speak," That happy cheer on her face will always be priceless in my book,

    "Though it won't be quick, I'll do the best that I can." After telling that, she looks quite lightened sitting on top of my head.

    "But promise me this sister. Can I train you to speak human tongue like me?" she just ‘Hmpmh’d’ at my asking.

    “Please don't tell me she just sway her head away from me.” "Awww c'mon! I couldn't understand completely on your ow-" the moment she turns around with a goofy face, my skin pales as white as a ghost when I get tail slapped to the face three times. Oh that mischievous laughter of hers.

    "Mincci!" Though I don't get her language, I bet myself a yes after she successfully land a joke tonight.

    "Just as I had learned about her world, now she will learn my world. Just what Hannah Montana's signature song says, 'You've get the best of both worlds'." For the remaining night, I finish the first chapter of my new book about New Zealand. Not bad I commend it so well. Though spiders and snakes are gone, I imagine Ariados, Snivy families, Arbok families, and Galvantula families replaces the ones realistic mammals.

    Placing the picture frame holding our picture from Auckland on top of the lamp table, our happy smiles gives me relaxing vibes creeping all over before my eyes finally shut down in peace.
    Last edited by jireh the provider; 3rd August 2013 at 10:07 AM.

    Please keep my young partners in company.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Chapter 4: Touring and Remotes

    Timeline: 3 days before meeting Lucy. Day 4 at 8 am.

    Morning rises again where both of us had our usual breakfast. In all honesty, I find New Zealand's food cuisine a bit alien foreign. "Take-out" or "To go" food service dependent –I forgot what’s the American variant of “Dine in”- kind of food culture is fun, though I can’t help but mentally barf my guts out at the idea of eating restaurant food for four consecutive days. With the bustling food services at the nearby town, mental instinct told me that I should start cooking my own meals soon.

    I had to say that my sister has a sweet tooth mind. I even had to buy ice cream for dessert ever since she shrugged me to try that irresistible ice cream after a test-try yesterday. I have to do some training on her feeding habits. Even if I'm living anew like a newborn child again, my gut says that I still take responsibility for Cinna Mint's well-being. The grown up part of me seems to analytically teach the correct moralities on my new, childish dreaming ego life.

    This morning, I cooked sunny side up eggs, some strips of bacon, fruit salad, two glasses of milk and one cup of coffee: not for my young pokemon sibling of course, minus the milk.

    It’s another day living my new reality with her. But ever since I got my Wii back last morning –however he did-, trust me. She REALLY WANTS TO PLAY after telling her about my Wii during our bedtime last night, “How could I say no to that?” As much as I'd like to have a swing with her, I pick my only family friendly Mario game. Something that’s easy enough for her little stature to cope since she's too small to even hold a Wii Remote. Bad karma for her I thought so to myself.

    Playing New Super Mario Bros Wii for a test-run if my console got bused or not days ago, not only did it survive the sea delivery. She likes it. Of course I had to deal with the tough parts of the game. As both of us play together on World 2-2, I laugh away whenever she squeals and whine at the enemies that defeated her and pouted at me. It’s always adorable despite getting myself tail slapped twice after I held her down just to save our only TV from becoming electronic trash.

    If you think parenthood is easy, then my honest answer is no. But since she's a pokemon, I find it oddly much easier. You know, my experience in the Pokemon Main Series gave me a lot to things to understand by heart. Or so my instinct tells me so. It may be hard for you to digest every word I said. But for people who played the Pokemon series much more than the average casual gamer, they have possibly, or theoretically, learned on how to deal with maternal responsibilities.

    You just need to have a deep imagination and common sense to understand this hidden moral of this particular franchise. If you can do it with other forms of media, wynaut Pokemon?

    After losing an hour for pointless video gaming, I switch in my game for something healthier. I've been getting physically sluggish so far.

    "Miiinn…" well, can't help but be disappointed for making her disappointed. I hate being a bad parent figure. But I need to keep her in control and disciplined. That’s the sad thing you see. It’s something that happened in my old country back then.

    There was this program called ROTC. It is some kind of government project where in college, you must take this course. Or else, you don’t graduate. Think of ROTC like a military training course that will teach you the value of being part of the country’s future; something along the lines that “You must contribute your all to your fellow countrymen and country”, and “To prepare you when Philippines have to resort to war if ever needed” belief.

    I mean, that dead country avoids war like a plague. They fear that if the country built its own Nuclear Reactor, the Filipinos might be forcefully involved in America’s warfare against opposing countries. I mean, that is much more helpful in that country’s economic crisis. Ehhh none of those brown people would listen anyway. They only care about themselves. I should stop rambling about it.

    "Sorry sister. But do you want some morning exercises?" I ask.

    "Minn, cii, no?" she eyes me head tilted.

    “My, audino what to do with her.” She likes playing cute but I need to make sure that she doesn't act like an irresponsible brat. Not my cup of tea.

    After setting my Wii Sports CD, I continue my conversation with her, "Did you know that if we take some exercise, we can be livelier?" as I set it on to Tennis and play solo, I demonstrate to her on how to swing the white remote with a small stick I just picked up outside of the backyard hill. With a curious attitude, gladly, she appreciates swinging it with me. Having fun with Cinna Mint together, minutes has passed when she finally learns when to swing the remote: albeit in a so-so way. Like a mom, or dad, helping the child with his/her first walk, I help her on swinging her arms while I swing the other with my left hand.

    "I see you two are having so much fun." Turning around, his wise voice is joined by his painter’s cry.

    "Morning Oscar. Have you received my first few pages of my short story last night?" I just gave it to him via email last night before I slept, hugging my sister next to my chest intimately: but not too intimately with each other.

    "Sure did. You gave a few hints about our cuisine being different and odd. Not to mention, the part where you decided to balance having a take-out order and home-made food." As he hangs his hat next to the hat hanger near the door, his Smeargle comes in with my favorite New York Classic Pizza.

    “Very yummy lunch.” I thought so myself.

    "Smear!" I’m very glad that his pokemon and my sister join together in the dining room. You see, one part of my house has a painting place for Cinna Mint. Just the day before he left yesterday, they were painting her play house. Since both of them didn't finish it last time, they had to do it while I served some home-made fruit salad again today. I admit that I am bothered with the mess both of these two done on my new house. I just punished her before I gave her boundaries in return last time as if I’m the dog whisperer.

    At last, I gather everyone and give ourselves a feast. For Oscar and his pokemon, they just stop moving their spoons after they give my meal a first bite. Hearing the praise that I’m expecting feels so rewarding.

    "What brings you here anyway Sir Oscar?" I punch my thirsty throat with a glass of mango juice.

    "Remy. I think you gave yourself enough stay. How about I give you a tour of my place? At least you will know where my working place is." he proposes as he opens a mini map with a green X northwest of my home, which is in a red circle.

    "Sure!" I replied before calling Cinna Mint, "Sister! You want to go outside for a field trip?"

    "Minccino!" I bet that's a jolly yes. Not that "YES! YES! YES!” dude from WWE.

    I decide to bring a bit of my cash in case something catches our eyes. Riding Oscar's van, we travel and arrive at his business place. The lovely factor about it is that his house would figure itself as a Marble and Wooden crafted mansion with gardens. The roof leaves me an impression that he really loves that New Sydney Opera Stadium design. It’s 1 in the afternoon as Oscar parks his Dark Red Mitsubishi van on his garage.

    "Would you care writing another novel for me? At least for your first starting business?" He asks.

    "Just tell what you need." with a smile, I pick my small memo and a blue pen to get the details right.

    "Since, all of us have a pokemon partner for three days ago that came out of nowhere to us, how about you write your first novel about your partner?" Me and my pokemon? I give him the nod.

    "You meant my sister?" Cinna Mint hops back on to my head. I imagine myself jumping like her as I rub her a bit on the chin. Smeargle giggles at our little 'interaction' before Oscar lays a hand on me.

    "Remy. You should be thankful to whoever brought her to you. I've read both of your eyes this morning. You two are as close as true family. Perhaps, true siblinghood." Until, he whispers to my sister which I cleverly heard his secret message well.

    "Take care of your big brother. He was a lone wolf with no friends before. You are the key that gave him life to his empty soul." I feel silently speechless. Just, shocked.

    Was this because he sensed something from me? Or, was it talking about his days with his deceased child? I felt like it resonated to both of us in a matter of three days now that I look back at it. I felt so different from my lost self, much more than I could even differentiate before.

    "If you already had it written, you should write that. Maybe a bit extra more. For me to at least pay you, for now, a chapter per month will give you enough profit for a month and a half. You're new to this adulthood. And my business is still small. Back on your place, you are not yet suitable to contribute to any kind of work. Just do what you do best. This is a new beginning for you." With that said all four of us climb out of the van and give ourselves a walk around his Sydney-like house.

    Seeing white smoke precipitating behind the building’s circular window, it smells kinda meaty-nice. Even sister finds it nice with a bit of fresh veggies on top, "Oscar, were hungry from that scent your garden’s making."

    "Let's have some 'Maori hangi'." He said as we walk our way towards the grassy, stone road paved garden.

    "Maori … Han … jee?" a clarification of this Romanian word is something I need right now.

    "It's pronounced hung – ee. It's a steamed food cooked on the soil." Grabbing the wooden handle of the cover, heated gas smokes us all with cloudy gas.

    “Weird. How is it possible to cook something from the earth?” I ponder about letting the planet’s mantle being involved in the recipe. But when I check on the food, seeing the edges of the pot with reddish black rock gives my brain foreign confusion.

    “Stones on fire under.” This is something that the Pangasinenses, Illocanos, and Cebuanos don't usually cook ritualistically.

    By now, we take a seat on the stone chairs. There are plates, spoons and forks, and glasses of water set on the ground. I'm glad that I manage to try out something new. Not bad for Zealand cuisine. Though I'm assuming she's omnivorous, she can eat a little meaty meal too, "Lesson learned. She's omnivorous." But she feeds herself more to fruits and veggies. I'm glad that I made the right choice to leave. To enjoy it with a true sister like my little Cinna mint, the minccino, it's something I'll forever cherish.
    Last edited by jireh the provider; 3rd August 2013 at 12:45 PM.

    Please keep my young partners in company.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Chapter 5: Tongue of Pokemon and Humans

    Author's note: Apologies for the long delay. Here's the second to the last chapter of Innocencia at Maturite. I've been re-modifying Feli Chronicles while dealing with college studies for the past weeks

    Timeline: 3 days before meeting Lucy. Day 5 at 2 pm.

    "How do you find my motherland? Is it tranquil?" I gave him a slow nod while I nibble on the remains of my picked up meal. "So … you got plans that need to be done?"

    "Yep." Picking up my extra notebook, I continued writing chapter 2 of my first book about New Zealand. While I was writing this chapter, my sister always lay on top of my hairy head. I find it comfortable to the point it flusters my working mind. “I could get used to this.”

    Scratching her ears and head lightly, her humping heartbeat oddly felt ticklish to my skin. Thus, for the rest of the afternoon, I began my work to become a novelist by writing my first book written here in my new home and reality. With a new light emerging from the sky, my dandy day gets a sunshine neither from the moon nor the sun. It’s something closer than those stars.

    Timeline: 2 days before meeting Lucy. Day 6 at 10 am.

    This is another day for me to tailor myself for another walk. Every time I look back at Smeargle, he reminds me of my adopted son. Lost and hungry, I pity the child and brought it back at my humble home. Right now, my said pokemon passionately starts painting and decorating the walls of its room as usual. I have to say that I'm impressed by his paintings. From a simple wall color, the design has a lot of royalty and richness that I couldn’t afford. But alas, it's still a child growing up.

    Arriving downstairs, I can see his pokemon wagging its tail all over the living room. "Looks like his sister love cleaning so much." I greeted her morning with a pat on her head. "Morning there little fella."

    "Mincci! Minccino!"

    "Where's your partner?"

    "…. Miinnn?" inquisitive fella.

    "Have you seen Remy?"


    Sigh, "Where is your big brother?"

    "Minccino." Seeing her small arm pointing at the kitchen, I rub her belly a bit as a way of basic gratitude.

    Checking the kitchen, I smell something good and strong. Somewhat … toxicating, like some kind of vegetable is steamed for a long while. Steam pots are occupying the gas stove. With with smoke coming out of the other one, I take a bet that it must be our rice. Veggie and meat remains are at the chopping board. To make things much more appealing, the table is already set up with plates, glasses, spoons and forks, and bowls. Who could have done something like that? "Hey there! I didn't know you were cooking something for all of us Remy."

    "I … uh-m. I kinda forgot giving you a letter at your email last night that I'll be cooking something for us." This time though, he was wearing a yellow and white shirt and light blue pants. I find his smile rather similar to a smart business man. But his voice does tell a different story. He is now a new person compared to our first meeting in the Philippines. It makes me wonder how he managed to writing something so intricate and creative at his young suffering age. “He's no ordinary breed. Hopefully, my new business will flourish well once he embrace my gifts and respect to him.”

    After we had our lunch, I'm watching him and his pokemon from the veranda of my back house. He was reading a book of sorts while he was gesturing his arms to his sister. From the way he's talking, he must be teaching something to his sister. I could say he makes a great parent whether he wanted to marry someone or not. But something tells me there will be a time where Remy has to find a human companion again. If he was affectionate to his pokemon, I think … his pokemon may be the one helping him to be open to humans somewhere in the future.

    "Say … Aaaee."

    " …mmmuuuhhh."

    "Deep breaths sister. Don't tone up too much. You can do it." Seeing his face lowering down at his pokemon's level makes me giggle on how silly those two could actually be. " ... trust … you." That is quite a silent moment for both. It's weird for a gaming kid of modern times like him to be so attached to something that is not so realistic. But … with these creatures … that he loved all throughout his life … roaming around our world, he … turned a new leaf.

    “Metanoia. Change of Heart.” Memories of my days with my adopted child dazzle inside me from watching those two interact.

    "mmm….maaa. aaaaaaeee." Being carried by Remy, I can clearly hear her squeak her own name.

    "You did it sister!" hugging is a good medicine. Like the first night she hugged me, I return the favor when she accomplished it. "That will be it for today. One letter at a time. Now it's my turn to learn your language sister."

    "Minccino! Min!" giving her a piece of our fruit salad, she nibbles it adorably. I've never been this livelier than ever before. Maybe it's because of the pokemon finally joining with ours.

    "So … can you say to me, 'I am your sister!' in your own way?" after that nod from her, I'm all ears to learn like a kid once again. I'm like eight year old again, the age I began playing my first Pokemon Game: Pokemon Sapphire Version.

    "Min … cci … Minccino!" her tone may be furry for me but I can try to at least understand her

    "Can I join now? Let me practice your language with you … together." All I really needed was to pet her on the head and scratch her ears. "Let's start in 1 … 2 … now."

    " Mmmiiiiinnn" "I" … "ccccciiiii" "am" … "Mmmmiiinnnccciiinnnoo!" "your sister!"

    "Minccino min!"

    "You're now saying 'You did it!' … right?" seeing her little head nod at mine, I felt so proud for both of us. I learned to translate her language to English through phonology. She learned to say 'A'!

    It was late in the midnight evening that both of us slept together back at my home. I'll be honest with you. I may not have a torchic to hug at night for warmth. But I got a Minccino to keep me cozy. No I won’t shave her fur off just for the extra money.

    Just as I drift my eyes asleep, some kind of wispy voice comes in dropping tear drops. Being in the sub urban side gives me a feeling that this night, I should be holding a safety knife. I quickly picked up my Swiss army knife from the lamp desk and set up my adrenaline. I bought it myself before since thieves and hostage masters are common in my old place. Plus, since I've lost faith to them, I've learned to get my guard up as an act of defense. If my loved ones are involved, they will have to get through me. The bedroom door was creaking. As I get close to the door, I turned the knob slowly, and …


    Wait. No one's … here?

    "Don't get too tense there young man. I mean no harm." Hearing that voice in my head, I dropped my intensity a bit but I'm still on alert. "I know speaking to you in your mind won't make sense. Perhaps, you should wait until morning. You'll receive something. A life changing factor on how you can trust humans again. And how you can make a name for yourself."

    Then the voice disappeared with the wind filling my chambers. “Goodness.
    What is … that?”

    When I returned to bed, I can see my sister worried for me. I just gave her a pet.

    "Don't worry sister. It's nothing. I thought I heard something." I smiled.
    "Let's get some sleep." With one last look at the night sky, the stars glorified the epilogue of their role by building a pattern of the living star I’ve married back then. Sachi.

    Please keep my young partners in company.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    SE asia, Phiippines.

    Default Chapter 6: Letters and Greetings

    Well, this is it. The final chapter.

    Timeline: 1 day before meeting Lucy. Day 7 at 10 am.

    This day made me yawn out my mouth. What was my morning surprise? Hearing my sister's squeaky giggling at my yawning voice. But what kept brushing my face was her tail brushing off my still waking face. I whiff a scent of her body and she actually smells nice, like cotton candy with flowers, just before I wafted a bit of her fur that made me sneeze out and jump me off the comforts of bed. Though, I unintentionally fling her upwards hitting the floor when my body jerked up.

    "Ccino…" that sorry from her was cute to hear. But the moment I clearly saw her, she was fluff pink fur color. Normally, my soul would freak out like … it’s flying high away from my cocoon. But knowing her for the past days, she's not the kind of pokemon that will just lie to me and leave tracks of pink dye messing the floor. Earn their trust, and then they will have faith with you, just as you ask for their trust. She was holding a heavy apple blush that I find it hard to resist.

    "It's okay. Don't be sad. I'm fine ya see." If she is happy, I'm also happy. Just before we head down for breakfast, I rubbed her head with my forehead just to have a bit of fun with each other. "You may be pink. But you're still you." Even if I gave her assurance, she did not smile proudly like before. She's kind of like me as of today.

    Just as we arrived at the kitchen, a letter was lying over there? "Did I left this here? Or was it …" opening it, I unfolded a strange type of paper design. Besides the pokeball symbol allusion in the middle, a variety of curved lines with tiny stars cover the borders. Reading its contents, Cinna Mint reads the foreign words while riding my left shoulder.

        Spoiler:- click to open the envelope:

    “What could this be mean? The two pokemon with names?” The only thing I found interesting would be building a memorial for Sachi. "Sweetheart? Did you leave this … for me? Sachi … just … where are you?"

    "Minnn …" scratching her little ear, we did the usual preparations for the day.

    But this time, I wanted to go to the closest beach of New Zealand. Now that I recall about the dangerous animals of New Zealand, brain tells me that Spiders and Snakes could kill me. But guts say that they are pokemon right now. "Nah. It's too far. Maybe I could find a store that sells rocks and stones. Not so pretty though. Just very affordable." Looking at my sister while she nibbled her food, I asked her, "Cinna Mint. Do you want to help me clean and polish some rocks?"


    "Well then … let's get shopping." Finishing our last bite of the last remaining fruit salad, we gave ourselves a bath before we left the house.
    Riding my bike once again, which I may agree that it made me physically fit according to my heart, we went to town and found ourselves a "not so camera secured" store. With its diversity available, we picked up a few round smooth stones and paid about One hundred ten Australian dollars.

    But what made our trip to town special could come from the fact that a festival will open up with "open arms" tomorrow. Street banners re hanged, musicians and marching bands prepping up their beat up drums and trumpets, you name them all.

    “G’day mate! What brings ya here? Ya wan’ some bread?” that Aussie chef reach me a piece of bread coming from its small bakery.

    “Minccino. Mincci!”

    “Sounds like ya fella wanna piece o our Macron. Care ta give it a shot?” behind this cooking Aussie is a group of pokemon doing their own thing: Pansage for the flavoring, Pansear for the stove and gas, Panpour for the puffing of flour. I’ve never stated a snack like that in my life. But its bright color appeals to me as a colorful, crispy, and sweet bread.
    “We’ll take a bag of six.” Paying Fifty aussie dollars, I grab the pink bag and place it on the bike’s basket before sister rides back.

    Throughout my stay in New Zealand, what stood out the most would be rolling in action by tomorrow. The macro goes to a second.

    Timeline: On the meeting day. Day 8 at 10 am.

    It was that very day.

    The day where I have to find the two pokemon with the names "Volt" and "Demon" with their human companion, I find it INSANE! Was it asking me to find two needles in a Zealand Haystack?! That impressed me to "Oh screw finding those two! May as well do my wife's memorial first."

    Straying away from the ongoing festival, I took a walking climb from the mountain road near my place and began building my memorial for Sachi, the Jirachi that married me years ago. It's not designed so fancy I know.
    But Minccino helped me on polishing the stones that made them sparkling bright yesterday. That was the time … my confession time.

    "Remember the good times Sachi? You were the legendary shiny Jirachi who saved me from my own suicide years ago. Both of us were seeking compassionate love from each other. You knew what it feels like to be alone as I know on what it feels like to have no one to live with. I remember the day when both of us turned from best friends to a romantic couple. Strange I got married to a pokemon like you instead of a human being. Yeah ... its good old times whenever we mated with each with every night. I did not care at all at that time. Humans are too bland compared to you. We may have lost our child, just as I lost you after your sacrifice to save me once more, but you gave me a new name and a new sibling to be with. Don't worry Sachi ... my wife ... I will find you and your human carrier someday. I may be human but I still feel more as a pokemon even now. Even the minccino you gave me, though I named my new sister Cinna Mint, sees it. I truly owe you my life. So, thank you for everything sweetheart. I hope there will be a way or somebody who can help me fix my human half."

    As I took another breath, that flute like melody plays peace all over me. The earth embraced my tired hands to get the melody wrapping my soul with hidden ease.

    The one sound where I believed fate has truly given me another chance, I think.

    "Could they be? Here already?"

    The End.
    Find out the full story on The Fantasy of Reality: Reborn

    Please keep my young partners in company.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    I’m here for the review game and I’ll be commenting on your prologue.

    Prologue: Night of Mourning.
    I assumed this was a pun, but having worked my way through the prologue I am not sure what is being “mourned.” I suppose the easiest answer would be Remy’s past life in his old country with his family, but he seems glad to have left them behind and have nothing nice to say about either. He certainly doesn’t seem to “mourn” having left them. So the title doesn’t feel apt.

    Us human beings know this as a part of the fabrics of space.
    This should be “We” not “Us.” “We” is a subject whereas “us” is an object.

    Correct: We went to the store.
    Incorrect: Us went to the store.

    Correct: She went to the store with us.
    Incorrect: She went to the store with we.

    What’s more, I think you mean “these” not this. That is, assuming that what you’re referring to is “visions.” Since that’s the only sentence before this, I can’t think of what else you could be talking about. Since “visions” is plural you should use “these” to refer to it instead of the singular “this.”

    History tells us that visions can play very important moments in our civilization
    This thought feels incomplete. Perhaps if it were “History tells us that visions can play a role in very important moments in our civilization” or “History tells us that visions can play at very important moments in our civilization” (depending on what exactly you mean by this) it would make more sense.

    But in my case, reality is the top dog shattering our childhood dreams.
    I feel like we’re getting into some mixing of metaphors here. Perhaps instead of “top dog” go for something known for shattering things?

    My story begins in a sea travel ship sailing the sleeping ocean.
    Feels like there’s some redundant language here that you can cut out. Yes, I get that you feel like if you just say “ship” that maybe someone could be confused about whether you mean a sailing ship or an airship, but since you say that it’s “sailing the sleeping ocean” there’s no need for the additional “sea travel” part. We can assume that a spacecraft is not sailing the sleeping ocean.

    It was evening over the ship until my recently found companion, Oscar Ranui, opening the door. Tilting his transparent glasses, it fits a 40s man wearing a casual formal set of maroon uniform and navy aquamarine pants. His approaching smile gives me a sense of ease after doing what I had to do.
    The first sentence is not complete. “Opening the door” needs to go somewhere and it never does. If it was “opened the door” or “opens the door” (depending on the tense you’re going for) then it would be complete—though it wouldn’t make complete sense. It sounds like you’re saying that it was nighttime until someone opened a door which made it suddenly not nighttime anymore. If you want to convey that Oscar Ranui is opening the door at dawn (and I’m not totally sure that’s what you’re trying to do) then there are much clearer ways in which you could word this. Saying that “evening broke” as he opened the door is one option or “the sun rose” as he opened the door would make things much less awkward and confused.

    The second sentence is also problematic. I’m not sure how “it fits” works into the sentence or what “it” is referring to. “40s man” sounds awkward. I think you want “a man in his forties” (note the spelled out numbers. It should be a word, not numerals). “Casual formal” is a contradiction in terms.

    And in the last sentence you have a present tense verb “gives” whereas in the first sentence of this paragraph it “was” (past tense) evening. You need to pick what tense you’re going to write this in and stick to it, otherwise it gets confusing. It makes it hard to tell when events are playing out and creates a great deal of inconsistency if you keep switching back and forth.

    "Come in." calling him, I am relaxing at the bed while playing my Pokemon Black Version … somewhere in route 16.

    Instead of picking out what needs fixing in this, I’m going to try rewriting it. I’ll give you both past and present tense versions.

    Past tense: “Come in,” I called him. I was relaxing on my bed while playing my Pokemon Black Version. I was somewhere on Route 16.

    Present tense: “Come in,” I call him, relaxing on my bed while playing my Pokemon Black Version. I am somewhere on Route 16.

    I found him on the store before because he found one of my released books, Fading delinquent.
    Unless he was perched on the roof of the store, I think you want “in” instead of “on.” Also, since Fading Delinquent is the title of a book, “delinquent” should also be capitalized. I do believe that according to MLA style guide, titles of books should be italicized. I would guess that this might be something that varies from style guide to style guide, so you should check whichever one you’re adhering to and see if bolding is the correct way to deal with book titles. Also, a colon seems a better choice than a comma right before you announce the book’s title.

    I don't consider it as a haven anymore by now if your own countrymen will mistreat you with verbal and emotional crap for many years.
    Another doubling. You really shouldn’t need “by now” if you already have “anymore.”

    Word choice note: I’m not sure “crap” is the best word in this situation. It’s a little childish and our main character seems to be a published novelist talking about high-minded things like reality and visions and whatnot. “Abuse” seems a more apt word in this situation anyway.

    Even if they cared for me, they never gave and teach me the right way on what it means on living life to the fullest.
    A lot of unnecessary words here. I’ll do a more streamlined rewrite:

    Even if they cared for me, they never taught me the right way to live life to the fullest.

    "Remy. I know how much you had to do not just with my working place but also rebuilding your fallen life. You can have a bit of this coffee." He said.
    There are multiple comma issues here. Either they’re missing or a period has been used incorrectly in their place. Let me try with:

    "Remy, I know how much you had to do, not just with my working place, but also rebuilding your fallen life. You can have a bit of this coffee," he said.

    Also, note that “he said” is part of the previous sentence. Therefore the h in “he” should be lowercase.

    Getting a Pinoy book to be sold out there in countries in the USA would be like scooping the ten pieces of cherry hidden the massive content of a fruit salad.
    You need an “in” after hidden.

    Screw that civilization.
    Again, sounding rather childish. The same sentiment can certainly be there, but I’d expect this comment out of an angry teenager, not a published author whose books seem to have received some international staying power.

    Son. How many times do we have to tell you to be like the rest of the others? We know the importance of individualism. But this country says otherwise, be like everybody, or else. I couldn’t believe that you are now working for your new dream. Abroad perhaps. But, we beg you to stay here. None of us could have the capability on what you have now. We hate seeing you get lost in another realm. Don’t even think of abandoning us and your country. Blaming the place you were born, and the people of this land will only come back to you. Even if you forgave us, I’m sure that you hated the Filipino name and Philippines as a whole. Why did you have to be too reclusive? We’ll never know the answer from you. You’re on your own now. We won’t stop you. Your choices will make a huge difference. If you insist on joining Oscar, possibly stay in his home, don’t look back at us.

    Son, how many times do we have to tell you to be like the others? We know the importance of individualism, but this country says otherwise: “Be like everybody, or else.” I can’t believe that you are now working for your new dream. Abroad, perhaps, but we beg you to stay here. None of us have the capability you have now. We hate seeing you get lost in another realm. Don’t even think of abandoning us and your country. Blaming the place you were born and the people of this land will only come back at you. Even if you forgive us, I’m sure that you’ve hated the Filipino name and Philippines as a whole. Why do you have to be so reclusive? We’ll never know the answer from you. You’re on your own now. We can’t stop you. Your choices will make a huge difference. If you insist on joining Oscars you should possibly stay in his home. Don’t look back to us.

    (For some of this rewrite I had to guess at what you meant and may have guessed incorrectly.)

    "After … uhh … reading about your story book … reading your parent’s letter, and hearing your confession … you remind me of my longtime friend back then.
    This is quite a pause-laden sentence. I feel like commas might serve you better in a lot of these situations. I don’t really see a reason why this thought should be so drawn out with dramatics.

    Also, I’m really not sure what’s going on in this scene. Beyond a black sky, you haven’t really set it at all. Is he talking to Oscar directly or is he reading another letter? Where is this happening? Under what circumstances?

    I sensed something not the potential for something great.
    I do not really understand what you mean by this. It feels incomplete and perhaps missing clarifying punctuation.

    Perhaps, you could work with me in New Zealand. You seemed old enough for basic responsibilities too sonny."
    Take the comma after “Perhaps” out. Put a comma after “too” (because you’re addressing “sonny”). “Seemed” should be “seem” to be consistent with the previous sentence.

    But I ignored that since I wanted to be the one carving out my destiny, something that I only learned from Pokemon.
    I’m interested to see how you connect these things because, at the moment, it feels a little frivolous—even as a Pokemon fan—in terms of something that could incite a man to completely rethink tradition and how he thinks of his identity. I’m not saying it couldn’t work, I’m just saying it needs to have effort put into it to be sold and right now it’s only just been lightly mentioned. In terms of grand inspiration taking place in the real world, “Pokemon” is not something a reader is going to likely accept as easily as the works of a renowned philosopher or something of that nature.

    One of the steps would be a decoy playing my untimely death during my journey. How do you ask? He drugged me with a fake death pill of sorts. Maybe it’s just knockout pills. I couldn’t remember well.
    Wait… what? This is rather out of nowhere and the reasoning is not really explained well. If you’re going to do more explanation and this is just a teaser, fine. But if this is the only mention of this step of the journey, it’s underdeveloped. Why does he have to fake his own death? In what manner does this play out?

    As I woke up, I’m on a small ship, probably a yacht.
    Still fighting between tenses here.

    Little did I know … that it will be more than just knowing her.
    What is “it’ referring to in this sentence? I don’t feel like there’s a clear antecedent.

    This is a short prologue and that’s fine. It’s okay for prologues to be short. I bring up its shortness because I had originally intended to review the prologue and chapter one together, but as I sit here, having reached the end of the prologue, I realize that the notes I’ve written on your prologue are nearly double the word count of the prologue itself (and more than double as I finish) and that going on I would probably not be productive at this point. As it is, the prologue is not long, but it feels long because I had to stop so many times to undo a problem of syntax/grammar/punctuation and/or I had to try to figure out what you were saying.

    Technical errors are king here and unfortunately (if I’m remembering correctly) a lot of these errors are ones I pointed out to you when I reviewed your original fiction piece some time ago. It is important to fix these things because most people are not going to wade through these difficulties just to get through your story. What’s more, you don’t want to get yourself into bad writing habits that are going to be very difficult to get out of. Tenses need to be consistent in the story. Proper punctuation must be used. Sentences must make syntactical and logical sense. Information must be given to let your reader know what is happening. Otherwise your reader is adrift in a sea of confusion.

    I’d love to comment extensively on things like character and plot and theme (particularly theme since my limited experience with your work gives me the impression that that’s very important to you) however, I often feel like I cannot get to those things because they are obscured in a tangle of communication problems.

    Clarity is, therefore, the number one thing that needs fixing. I didn’t pull out every sentence where there’s a problem, but hopefully what I pointed out should give you a good idea of where to start. If you’re unfamiliar with a rule or convention of writing and you can’t glean what you’ve done wrong by what I’ve pointed out then it would be a very good idea to look up the rule for yourself—these are things you should familiarize yourself with anyway if you want to be read.

    In addition to looking up the rules (and there are many books and websites where you can do that), you can learn a lot just from being an active reader. Reading books in English—and these can be fun selections, so it’s painless learning—and paying attention to how sentences are constructed should help a lot with ironing out some of the awkwardness in your phrasing.

    …These are really things worth paying attention to. I read this chapter for the purposes of reviewing it and was therefore willing to keep reading despite the errors and difficulty to understand what you were saying. Someone reading just for fun will probably not be willing to do that. And it would be a shame to lose readers over something so fixable. You have some good ideas here. I like the fact that we seem to be dealing with real world issues such as culture and identity. You don’t see topics like this dealt with in such a direct way in Pokemon fics that often. But people won’t see that unless it’s written in a manner that’s more understandable and fluent.

    I wish you luck as you revise.

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