A fan-fic combining Pokemon with Sgt. Frog. You know, Sgt. Frog. Ever heard of it? Check it out. It's only the most hilarious anime that ever existed. I always wanted to take the hilarious characters and put them into a real story, and this is a great way for me to do that. It basically features all the main characters from Sgt. Frog, but using characters from the Pokemon anime/games in their place. Naturally, this puts a few interesting twists on the concept of the original show. Hope you all enjoy this fan-fic!
Just for the record, I first discovered Sgt. Frog because of a character in Oh Gosh's Platinum Nuzlocke comic, which is also hilarious and worth checking out. The comic later inspired several of the Pokemon used in this one.
(I drew the above picture on Colors 3D on my 3DS.)
Rated PG-13 for occasional mild cursing and some crude humor
The human race found itself under attack by a mysterious alien swarm. UFOs darkened the sky, then set it ablaze with a fearsome and blinding light. These beings were cruel and relentless. Trillions fled in terror, but there was nowhere to run. Human technology was no match for the invaders’ weapons. Police and military were completely overwhelmed. Within hours of first contact, mankind was brought to its knees, forced to surrender to eons of slavery.
Wait a second. None of that happened! The author just made me lie outright to the readers! What kind of a story is this?
Oh yeah, it’s a Sgt. Frog and Pokemon anime fan-fiction. Buckle up, folks. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.
Uh, Politoed? Hey! Politoed!
“Yeah? Kinda busy here, Mr. Narrator.”
Busy? You’re on, Politoed! The readers are reading!
“Already? But what about our catchy nonsensical theme song? That thing’s like five minutes long.”
This is a fan-fiction. It doesn’t have a theme song.
“No theme song? Geez, that’s kind of a downer.”
Yes, yes it is. Now stop building Lego X-wings for five minutes so that we can get this show on the road.
“But my army’s almost complete! Then I can rip apart the unimportant ones in valiant combat and start all over again!”
. . .
“Ugh, fine. I never thought I’d see the day where I’d start bending to the demands of an omniscient voice from space.”
“Sarge? Are you and the Narrator breaking the fourth-wall again?”
Politoed looked up at the door. A human boy with a baseball cap stood there. The boy was in his early teens, but I’ll just say that he’s ten to screw with the readers who expect realistic aging from a cartoon character. That’s what we narrators are paid to do . . . oh, who am I kidding. I don’t get paid.
“Why Ash, if it isn’t my favorite Pokeponian.” Politoed smiled up at the human. “What brings you to my little slice of heaven?”
Ash raised an eyebrow. “Uh, it’s my house, Sarge. I live here.”
Politoed waved dismissively at the human, turning his attention back to his half-finished X-wing model. “Yes yes, of course you do. Say, do you happen to have any of that fancy modeling glue? I’m running on empty and I’ve got an Imperial Star Destroyer on order from eBay.”
Ash frowned. “I thought you learned your lesson about eBay after last week’s incident.”
Politoed gave another dismissive wave. “Oh please, you’re still making a big deal about that? It was just a minor outbreak of flesh-eating bacteria caused by an error in shipping. Scraggy was very happy to have an opportunity to try out his radioactive death ray powered by plutonium and the microwave.”
“But the ray didn’t kill the bacteria. It mutated them into giant monsters that started rampaging in the city. Plus it gave everybody violent diarrhea.” Ash grimaced. “And the microwave exploded. My mom took the money for a new one out of my allowance, which is meager enough as it is.”
Politoed was no longer listening. His full attention had returned to his Legos, which he carefully pieced together while humming to himself. “Kero! Kero! Kero! Iza susume . . .”
Uh oh. Here comes trouble.
Politoed and Ash looked up in alarm as a second person stormed into the basement. Her hair was as fiery red as her personality and her eyes blazed with fury. Both human and Pokemon knew that to stand before this living hurricane was a death wish. Not even the boldest warriors would dare to oppose this harbinger of rage and pain.
Yet Politoed was unfazed. He’s either very brave or very stupid. Probably the latter. “Why, Misty, if it isn’t my favorite Pokeponian. What brings you to –”
“Shut it, Toad!” In one swift movement, Misty stomped Politoed flat against the floor. Yup, he’s definitely stupid.
“That’s Mr. Sexy to you!” Politoed exclaimed, though his words were mostly lost in the shag carpeting that filled his mouth.
Ash stuck out his lip in a pout. “Sis, do you always have to be so mean to Sarge?”
“I’ll stop hitting him when he stops being annoying!” Misty said stubbornly.
“That won’t happen any time soon,” Politoed assured. He yelped as the foot on his head stomped down harder. Whoa whoa whoa, let’s back up a second. Sis? Misty is Ash’s sister? In what universe does that make sense? And I’m a Pokeshipper too . . . well, the author says that he just thought that the characters fit this way and decided to make them siblings. If you ask me, he could have used May and Max instead, but what do I know? I’m just a loveless, penniless narrator selling his voice on the street corner. Nobody bothers asking for my opinion.
“That’s because this fan-fic isn’t about you!” Misty snapped. “Now please just stay out of this. We’ve already broken the fourth wall enough for an entire fic, let alone one prologue.”
Alright, no need to get huffy. Back to the story.
Misty grabbed Politoed by the neck and hauled him to his feet. “Come on now, stupid frog. It’s time for dinner, and we both know you’ll regret missing that.”
Politoed smiled widely. “Yes indeed, I wouldn’t miss your cowflesh for the world.”
“Well then, hurry up,” Misty said, turning to leave. “And for the thousandth time, they’re called burgers. If you think you’re gonna keep living on this planet, you need to start using the right words.”
“I’ve been trying,” Politoed said, shrugging. “At least I’m getting some of your stupid Pokeponian slang perfected.”
“Humans, not Pokeponians,” Misty said, sighing. “I’m done trying. Just come upstairs.” She strode out of the room with Ash following close behind her.
“You’d better get moving, Sarge,” Ash said, poking his head back through the doorway. “She’s actually in a good mood for once. Better not spoil that.”
Politoed waved to Ash as he left. “Yes yes, I’ll be up in just a moment. I’m putting the finishing touches on this model.” He picked up the X-wing and squinted at it with a collector’s eye. For a long moment, he contemplated his creation in absolute silence. Then, he released a long, pent-up sigh. His arm dropped and the model slipped from his grip.
“Two years of scheming,” he said in a hushed whisper. “Two years of planning and plotting. Two years of failed invasions and it all leads up to tonight.” Politoed closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists. “It’s sad, really. I knew this time would come eventually, but I always denied it. You two know exactly how well I can hide in my denial. But no more. Ash, Misty, I’m sorry. I have orders to follow.”
Yeesh, this is actually getting pretty serious. I thought I was narrating a comedy . . . sorry, I’ll butt out.
“No, Mr. Narrator, it’s fine,” Politoed said. “You remind me of the good times. And the bad times.” He gave a small smile. “They tended to walk hand-in-hand.”
Releasing a new fanfiction? What is this madness? I enjoyed the prologue, even though I never watched Sgt. Frog. Add me to the PM List please, I'd like to see how this one turns out.
Alright, you're on the list. Glad you enjoyed it.
Also, barring any unforseen circumstances, the next chapter will be up tonight. It should have been up last night, but I started dozing off at my computer as I was nearing the end. It shouldn't take much time to finish tonight.
One chapter in and you're already getting Schedule Slip. This is probably not going to end well.
*Grins* I think you broke your own record- on the other hand this isn't dead yet... Barring "Unforseen circumstances" anyway. Well, I'll be waiting impatiently for it then.
The only reason I didn't finish the chapter yesterday is because it's my next-to-last night of summer vacation and I was spending some extra time goofing off with my parents. After tonight, I'll have nothing better to do than write :P
Sergeant Politoed Presents: Chapter 1
Close Encounters of the Frog Kind
Planet Earth. 2013.
The human race found itself under attack by a mysterious alien swarm. UFOs darkened the sky, then set it ablaze with a fearsome and blinding light. These beings were . . . okay, seriously? I have to do this whole spiel again? At least give me some new material to narrate.
Oh, here we go. Shadowy figures flitted across the sky on small hovering saucers, raining down lasers upon the hapless city of Tokyo. The night was illuminated by the blazing infernos. Thousands of citizens fled from the attack, but none could escape. The invaders were simply too powerful.
Two young teenagers sprinted through the burning streets. One was a boy, wearing a red-and-white baseball hat over his raven black hair. Following close behind him was a girl with hair as red as the fire that enveloped the city. Anyone who read the prologue, which should be everyone, would recognize the pair as Ash and Misty Ketchum. (It still weirds me out that they’re siblings in this, but when I complain, the author docks my pay, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.)
Rubble crashed to the pavement as the towering buildings crumbled from the alien onslaught. The two children ducked and weaved through the wreckage, dodging falling debris as they went. Where they were heading, they did not know. They simply ran. Nowhere was safe from the invaders. The only hope was to stay on the move.
There was a loud yelp and Misty tumbled to the asphalt, her foot twisted beneath a chunk of masonry. Ash spun around, his face horrorstricken. Already, one of the invaders was upon his sister. The shadowy figure jumped down from his hovercraft and produced some kind of pistol-like weapon. It pressed the barrel of the gun to Misty’s skull and looked up at the other human.
Ash’s blood ran cold. The creature’s glowing eyes bored into him, as though it could read his very mind with a single look. Slowly, its lips turned up in a toothy grin. It opened its mouth and spoke two words.
The gun fired.
Ash awoke in a cold sweat. He sat straight up in bed, panting heavily. Soft sunlight filtered into the room through the curtains, bathing the poster-covered walls in its glow. Ash lay back on his pillow, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. It wasn’t the first time he’d dreamed about aliens. That was completely normal. But this dream had frightened him like nothing before. Frightened . . . and intrigued.
The door burst open and Misty stormed into the bedroom. “Didn’t you hear me yelling?” she said, throwing open the curtain and flooding the room with light. “I called you down to breakfast five minutes ago.”
“Sorry, Sis,” Ash said, rubbing his eyelids. “I was having a really weird dream.”
Misty rolled her eyes. “Oh geez, not another weirdo alien fantasy.” She raised an eyebrow. “Or did you finally start dreaming about girls like a normal thirteen year-old?”
Ash’s cheeks flushed red and he shook his head rapidly. “No, it was an alien dream again. There was a whole fleet terrorizing the city. And they chased us, and you fell, and they shot you.” He shuddered. “It was actually kind of scary.”
“It was just a dream,” Misty said. “You’ve got bigger problems to worry about.” She smirked. “Besides, no alien invader would be able to take me on. I’d beat them up just like the bullies back in elementary school.”
Ash grinned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He grabbed his blanket and pulled it up over his eyes. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I really should get back to sleep.”
“Back to sleep?” Misty said. “It’s morning! We’ve got school! You need to get up!”
“But Sis!” Ash whined. “The aliens might try communicating with me in my dreams! That’s a global concern. It certainly takes priority over dumb old school.”
Misty sighed. “Fine, whatever. Have it your way.” She giggled to herself. She knew exactly what she needed to do. Ash wasn’t much of an early bird, but there was one foolproof method to get him out of bed. She cleared her throat; this would require some heavy acting.
“Oh my gosh!” she said, gasping loudly for added effect. “It’s a real-live alien!”
Ash was on his feet in an instant. “What? Where? I wanna see!” Finally, his gaze settled on Misty. His eyes widened.
Misty shook her head in mild disappointment. “You fall for that every time. You’re not that stupid, are you? When are you going to realize that there aren’t any aliens?”
There was no verbal response. Ash’s eyes were as wide as saucers and his jaw hung open. He raised one hand and pointed over Misty’s shoulder. “Turn around,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.
“Oh no, I’m not falling for that,” Misty said. “I’m not as gullible as you are.”
Behind her, something spoke.
“You . . . you can see me?”
Misty froze. Slowly, she turned around to face the owner of the new voice.
One of Ash’s many posters – specifically, a large photo of the Egyptian pyramids – was peeling away from the wall. A small green head and a pair of large round eyes peered out from behind. With a loud rip, the poster tore away from the wall and the newcomer fell to the floor. His appearance was bizarre, to say the least. He resembled a toddler-sized frog, with green skin and pink cheeks. All he wore was a cream-colored cap decorated with a small red star. The frog jumped to his feet in a panic, his eyes darting back and forth between the two human children.
“How did you see me?” he said, completely baffled. “My disguise was impenetrable! No mere mortal could have possibly seen through my cover!” He shook his head. “No matter, I’ve got this under control.” He thrust out his hand, revealing a red-and-white orb. “My Poke Ball will get me out of this sticky situation!”
Misty stood completely motionless, staring at the frog in utter disbelief. Her mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Ash was in a similar state, but the sight of the strange ball spurred him into action. “It’s gonna get away!” he said. “Misty, do something!” He shoved Misty from behind and she stumbled forward. The frog barely had time to scream before the girl fell on top of him.
Several minutes of struggling later, the frog was bound in shoelaces and dangling from the ceiling fan, flailing about in a desperate attempt to free himself. Misty glared at him, her hands on her hips. “Alright, freak, I’ll keep this real simple. Who and what are you?”
“I’m Politoed,” the frog said. “I’m the, uh, house inspector. Yeah. Nice house.”
“And what exactly are you doing in our house?” Misty said.
Politoed raised an eyebrow. “Uh, inspecting it. Duh.”
Misty sat back on the bed, holding her head in her hands and mumbling to herself. Geesh, she acts like finding a giant amphibian behind a poster in a teenage boy’s room is an abnormal occurrence. Ash was handling the situation far more calmly. He walked in a circle around his prisoner while jotting down notes on a yellow legal pad.
“I just can’t believe this,” Misty said, rubbing her temples. “I refuse to believe it. There is not an alien in our house.”
“You’re absolutely correct,” Politoed said. “I’m just a normal Pokeponian frog animal who can talk because of magical wonder-dust.”
“Pokeponian?” Ash said, scribbling more on his notepad. “What is that?”
“Pokeponian!” Politoed said, as if the answer should be obvious. “Something that comes from the planet Pokepon, which we are all native to. Duh.”
Ash frowned. “But this planet isn’t called Pokepon. This is Earth.”
Politoed nodded vigorously. “Yes, that’s what I said.”
The one-sided conversation was brought to an abrupt end as Misty leapt to her feet. Ash glanced at her, concerned. “What’s wrong now, Sis?”
“We’re late for school!” Misty said, grabbing Ash by the shoulder and yanking him toward the door.
Ash raised an eyebrow. “You can’t be serious. There’s an alien tied up in my bedroom and you’re worried about being late to school.”
“I would really just like to forget everything that’s happened this morning,” Misty said. “Maybe there’s just a gas leak and this is a wild hallucination. Either way, we need to get out of here.”
Ash tried to protest, but a glare from Misty silenced him. “Alright, whatever you say.” He returned his attention to the captive frog as he left the room. “Um, I’ve got to leave for awhile. I’ll be back later this afternoon. Stay here, alright?”
Politoed shrugged. “You got it, buddy. I’ll just hang out here for the day.”
Ash nodded, satisfied. “Alright. See ya later.” He turned and shook his head in disbelief. “That may have been the most bizarrely casual conversation ever.” He took off down the stairs behind Misty, his head still swimming in absolute bewilderment. (Much like you poor readers, I imagine. Don’t worry, I’m as lost as you are.)
Alone again, Politoed took a moment to assess his surroundings. He’d already explored most of the house before his capture; recon was his job, after all. He needed to know exactly what the army would be up against when the time to strike arrived. Examining a standard Pokeponian – or Earthling, as they were apparently called – household was the first step toward planning the invasion.
The boy’s bedroom was certainly the most interesting part of the house. The posters covering the walls displayed famous structures like the pyramids, Stonehenge, and the Easter Island statue heads. All were architectural marvels theorized to have been constructed by aliens. Politoed snickered. Foolish humans had a tendency to link every unexplainable occurrence to aliens. Not that that they were necessarily incorrect.
The rest of the room was filled with books: stacked on shelves, piled on tables, scattered across the floor. As with the posters, all seemed to be concerning aliens and various supernatural conspiracies. Politoed had to admit, his curiosity was peaked. He would really have to ask the Pokeponian boy about his interests later.
But there would be time for that after the pitiful planet had been conquered. Right now, the Politoed had to make up for lost time. “Those crazy kids may think they’ve won, but it’ll take a lot more than mere strings to hold me down!” He flexed his arms and his muscles bulged, loosening the grip of the shoelaces enough for him to slip out. From deep within himself, he summoned the most intimidating, blood-chilling, spine-tingling cackle that he could muster. His moment of triumph was at hand.
Then, the shoelaces snagged around his neck and the villainous laugh became a strangled squawk. He feebly flapped his arms and legs for several seconds before the shoelace-turned-noose finally snapped and sent him crashing to the floor. I’m beginning to seriously question the competence of this alien invader. He’s been here for half a chapter and he’s already gotten beaten up by a 14 year-old girl and nearly committed unintentional suicide. That’s not exactly a stellar track record.
Politoed sprawled out on his hands and knees, breathing heavily. “Well, that was unfortunate. Yet hilarious.” He stood up and raised a fist in the air. “But I must stay focused. Those kids messed with the wrong Pokemon!” A wicked grin crossed his face. “And I know just how to get back at them.” He dusted himself off and strode out of the room on his stubby frog legs. There was an invasion to enact.
And it would begin in the kitchen.
Ash emerged from the staircase and looked back and forth, making sure that he hadn’t been followed. For a moment, he could have sworn he saw a shifting shadow at the base of the stairs, but after several moments with no further movement, he decided it was just his imagination. Satisfied that he was alone, he rounded the corner and sat down, his back to the wall.
Beneath him was the educational cesspool that was middle school. Above him were towering skyscrapers and the blue, cloudless sky. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of fresh air. The school always started feeling stale in the afternoon. Ash couldn’t stand it. He had to get outside, even if it meant missing some class. His grades were poor anyway, so there was nothing hurt by him slipping away after lunch hour once or twice a week. This was the only way to keep his head clear.
The roof was his favorite place in the world. Granted, his world was not a large one; it consisted of little but his house and the school. He had no friends, nobody to talk to besides Misty and his mother. His social life was nonexistent. But he didn’t mind, at least not much. He had other interests to occupy his time. Primarily, aliens. From a young age, Ash had been obsessed with aliens, a passion that he’d picked up from his occult-expert father. He loved nothing more than investigating a good supernatural mystery. It was an exciting escape from dull reality. And boy, could it get dull.
But now his fantasies had become reality. He reached into his jeans pocket and removed the red-and-white orb. Politoed had dropped it during the scuffle with Misty and Ash had jumped at the chance to get his hands on some real alien technology. Thankfully, Politoed hadn’t noticed that he’d lost his precious object in the chaos.
Ash rolled the orb in his hands, squinting at it and searching for any kind of control panel. There was one large button right on the line between the colors, but surely that couldn’t be all. This was a complex alien device created by complex aliens. Ash hesitated. Politoed had blown his own cover and subsequently been pummeled by a human girl. Perhaps the alien race wasn’t quite so intelligent as one would expect. Finally, seeing no other option, Ash pressed the single button.
A bolt of lightning shot out of the ball and struck a hot air balloon, which had picked exactly the wrong moment to float over the school. Ash watched in horror as the balloon crashed to the street in a fiery explosion, setting off every car alarm on the block. A lone man staggered away from the wreckage of the balloon, screaming something about toilets. Darn, no fatalities. This story was just starting to get interesting.
Ash held the orb at arm’s length and eyed it critically. Preparing for the worst, he clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, and pressed the button again. Nothing. Just silence. Cautiously, he opened his eyes. And gasped in shock.
The roof of the school was six feet below him. He was floating. Ash flapped his arms frantically, which only served to spin him in slow circles in the air. He stuck his tongue out and concentrated on moving. Floating wasn’t so hard, really. It was just like swimming in the air. Unfortunately for Ash, he couldn’t swim and was in fact terrified of water, so his attempted breast stroke came across more like a drowning cat. After several minutes of struggling, he finally gave up and pressed the button again, which dropped him roughly to the roof. He sat up and grimaced, rubbing his tailbone. This little orb sure was causing him a lot of trouble. But at the same time, it was opening up a whole new world of possibilities. An exciting world. A not-dull world.
A wide smile split Ash’s lips. This was turning out to be a good day after all.
Misty was also having a good day. She’d aced her math test, demolished the other girls playing volleyball in gym class, and even got the chance to chat with the handsome and mysterious Drew. (Mysterious indeed; I flipped through the script and we’re not even hearing about him again this chapter.) She was in such a good mood that she’d managed to completely forget about the morning’s events.
Forget, that is, until she stepped into the house and found herself hanging upside down from the ceiling with a rope wrapped around her ankles. She shrieked and grabbed her skirt with both hands to prevent it from falling up. The stupid alien already had her trapped, he didn’t need to see her underwear too.
Evil laughter filled the entry hall. Politoed stepped out of the shadows in the shadow, clapping dramatically. “Well well, foolish Pokeponian, we meet again.”
“Of course we meet again!” Misty said. “This is my house! Now let me down, you little creep!”
Politoed waggled a finger. “Not this time. You think I forgot how you bested me before? I’m not giving you the chance to lay a finger on my adorable froggy body. So I got some help.”
A piercing screech echoed in the hall, followed immediately by a rhythmic thumping. Something was approaching. Something large.
“Wh-what is that?” Misty said. “Another alien freak?”
“Just a friend of mine I brought along for ‘negotiations’,” Politoed said. “I hid him in your refrigerator this morning.”
Misty raised an eyebrow, momentarily forgetting her fear. “The fridge? Wait, were you the one who drank the rest of the milk? I was going to yell at Ash for that!”
Politoed waved a hand dismissively. “I was thirsty. A good host would have offered me a beverage, so I took what was rightfully mine.”
“We didn’t even know you were here, how could we have gotten you a drink?” Misty said. “And even if we had known, we still wouldn’t have given you anything because you’re an alien invader who apparently doesn’t realize that I’m going to paddle his amphibian behind as soon as I’m down from here!”
“It’ll be pretty tough for you to do that,” Politoed said. “Considering that you’ll be neck-deep in stomach acid.” The thumping stopped suddenly and Politoed gestured dramatically to the end of the hall. Misty swung herself enough to turn and face the enemy.
A five-foot plant stood in the kitchen doorway. Most of its body was composed of a gaping mouth, covered partway by a leaf that rose and fell with the creature’s every breath. A whip-like vine dragged along the floor behind it.
“You don’t stand a chance against my Evil Digestive Victreebel!” Politoed proclaimed. “I call him Harold.”
A loud gurgling noise emanated from the Victreebel – I refuse to call it “Harold” – and it hopped toward Misty. She ripped at the rope desperately, still holding up her skirt with one hand, but it was no use. The acid-filled maw drew closer and closer. Politoed crossed his arms and watched with satisfaction.
Suddenly, the front door burst open and a bolt of lightning shot inside. It sheared through the rope, dropping Misty face-first to the floor, before arcing down and striking the Victreebel directly in the mouth. There was a loud crackling sound, a puff of smoke, and a final pitiful squeak hanging on the air. Then, Harold was gone, leaving nothing behind but a black scorch mark on the hardwood floor.
Ash was at Misty’s side in an instant, helping her back to her feet. “Sis! Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Misty said. “What did you just do?”
Ash held up the red-and-white orb. “I’ve been messing around with this thing after I picked it up this morning. It’s a pretty nifty little tool.”
“Hey! That’s my Poke Ball!” Politoed launched himself at Ash, knocking the boy over and sending the orb rolling across the floor. Misty reached for it, but Politoed was already back on his feet. He snatched up the Poke Ball and pointed it at Misty, his finger on the button. “Don’t move, Pokeponian brat, or you’ll find out exactly how painful Harold’s death was.” He sniffed loudly and wiped away a tear. “Poor, sweet Harold.”
“Okay, we get it,” Ash said, raising his hands in the air. “We’re done fighting.”
“Maybe you are,” Misty muttered. “I still think I could punt this frog for a field goal before he has the chance to zap me.”
Politoed smirked and waved his hand in a “bring-it-on” gesture. “I’d like to see you try. No Pokeponian child can hope to stop the invincible Sergeant Politoed!”
Misty laughed out loud. “Sergeant? You have got to be kidding me. How did a moron like you ever reach the rank of sergeant?”
Politoed stuck his lip out indignantly. “I’ll have you know that I’m a military genius. I once turned back an entire enemy army unassisted.”
“Like I’d believe that,” Misty said. “I trust you about as far as I can throw you.” Her lips creased in a mischievous smile. “Say, that sounds fun.”
Ash grabbed Misty by the arm. “Don’t fight him, Sis. We’re dealing with an advanced alien species with technology centuries ahead of our own. We don’t stand a chance.”
“You sound awful excited about it,” Misty said. “Planetary invasion isn’t exactly a laughing matter.”
Ash grinned sheepishly. “I can’t help it. Yeah, it’s kind of scary, but it’s also exactly the kind of thing I’ve been reading about since I was in kindergarten. Just knowing that there really are aliens and that they are here on Earth validates my entire life’s research.”
Politoed cocked his head inquisitively. “Yes, boy, I meant to ask you about that before. You sure seem awful interested in aliens and whatnot. That’s a bit of an odd passion for someone so young.”
Ash shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s because of my dad.”
“You have a father?” Politoed said, surprised. “I never saw him when I was studying the house. Where is he?”
Ash shrugged again. “I don’t know exactly where he is. He travels the world and studies paranormal activity.”
“So he’s not home often?” Politoed said. Misty eyed him curiously. This alien was bizarrely concerned with his prisoners’ personal lives.
“No, he hasn’t been home in years,” Ash said. “My dad has an adventurer’s heart. He says it’s tough for him to stay in one place for a very long.” He let out a long sigh. “Sure, I miss him a lot, but I understand why he stays away. He’s living his dream. I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that.”
Politoed glanced at Misty. She stared at the floor, twiddling her fingers and doing her best to look angry. But she couldn’t hide anything from Politoed. He could smell daddy issues from a mile away. He knew them all too well. He looked back to Ash. “What’s your name, kid?”
“I’m Ash,” Ash said. “You said you’re Politoed, right?”
“Yes, though I prefer to be referred to as Sergeant,” Politoed said. “But that’s beside the point. I like you, Ash. You seem like a good kid.”
Ash scratched his head in confusion. “Uh, thanks. You seem like a pretty nice guy too, when you’re not trying to vaporize my sister, at least.”
“Good to hear,” Politoed said. “Tell you what. I’m gonna let you live. You can be my butler after I’ve conquered your pitiful planet.” He cast a sideways glance at Misty. “No promises about her, though.”
Misty narrowed her eyes. “Bring it, Toad.”
“That’s Politoed,” Politoed said. “Show some respect. You’re blowing any chance you might have had at being my slave . . . I mean indentured servant.”
“Wait, back up,” Ash said. “You actually like me? Nobody likes me except Mom and Sis, and they’re required to by law.”
Politoed shrugged. “Sure, I like you. You remind me of a taller, less-handsome me.”
“Does this mean you want to be friends?” Ash said.
“Yeah, sure, why not,” Politoed said dismissively. “I don’t care what you call me as long as you can brew a mean cup of coffee and serve me chocolate chip cookies on a silver platter while I watch my Saturday morning cartoons.”
Misty rolled her eyes. “Of all the evil alien overlords that could have landed here, we managed to get the lazy one. Lucky us.”
“Alright, that’s enough insults!” Politoed said, holding out the Poke Ball toward Misty. “Maybe I won’t kill you, but I can still inflict terrible pain! Maybe then you’ll understand how hurtful words can be!”
“So you’re lazy and sensitive,” Misty said, snickering. “Do your worst, Toad.” Ash gulped and covered his eyes. This wasn’t going to end well.
Politoed smiled. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He put his finger to the button.
Once again, the front door swung open. It smashed Politoed against the wall and the Poke Ball flew out of his grasp and landed at Ash’s feet. A tall woman stood in the doorway, staring down at the frog in bewilderment. She wore a black leather jacket with matching gloves and her auburn hair was held back in a ponytail. Ash and Misty both smiled widely and ran to embrace her.
“Mom!” Misty yelled. “Thank goodness!”
Delia Ketchum grinned and patted her daughter on the shoulder. “Good to see you too, Misty,” she said. She turned her attention back to the frog alien, who was presently smashed between the door and the wall. “I thought I told you kids not to bring home any more pets.”
Delia closed the door and Politoed fell to the floor, his limbs twitching spasmodically. “Foolish Pokeponian female! I am no pet! I am your powerful alien slave master!” He snapped his fingers weakly. “Get me some Advil, I’ve got a killer headache.”
For a long moment, Delia simply stared at Politoed. Then, she scooped him up in her arms and squeezed him against her chest. “Oh my gosh, he is just the most adorable thing ever! We are so keeping him!”
Misty’s jaw dropped. “Mom! He’s an alien! He tried to feed me to a plant!”
“But he’s so adorable!” Delia said, swinging Politoed back and forth, oblivious to the fact that he was being smothered against her chest. “This cute little guy would be perfect for a cartoon! I can make an entire series about him!” (A note from the narrator: I was getting kind of confused by this, so I looked ahead in the script. Apparently, the lovely Mrs. Ketchum is a television producer working for an animation company. She’s always on the lookout for the next hit cartoon. She also rides a Harley and once punched out Hulk Hogan at a charity wrestling tournament. Is it too soon to say I’m in love?)
“I think we should let him stay too!” Ash said. “He actually understands me. I think we can be friends.”
Misty glanced back and forth between her mom and brother, her mouth still hanging open. “Am I the only sane person in this house? This is an alien invader who tried to kill me. This topic shouldn’t even be open for discussion! We need to take him to the FBI, or the Men in Black, or whoever you’re supposed to call in this kind of situation!”
Politoed attempted to speak, but his words were muffled by the sizeable cleavage cushion his face was pressed into. Delia pulled him away and held him at arm’s length. “You say something, hun?”
Politoed gasped for air. “Sweet oxygen!” He took several more deep breaths before speaking. “Now where was I? Oh yes. Shouldn’t I get a say in whether you pathetic Pokeponians keep me as a pet?”
“Aw, you even have your own little language,” Delia said, giggling like a little girl. “That settles it, you’re staying.”
“I’ve had enough!” Politoed said. He jumped out of Delia’s arms and glared up at her. “I’m flattered that you find me adorable, but I’m no pet. I’m a sergeant, a conqueror! Now I’m going to leave this house, I’m going to take over this puny planet, and I’m going to come back and rub it in your faces! And that’s final!”
A shrill ringing split the air and the Poke Ball began to vibrate in Ash’s hands. A disembodied robotic voice spoke from the ball. “Message for Sergeant Politoed. Please respond.”
Politoed turned to Ash in irritation. “Ugh, they always call at the most inconvenient times.” He snatched the Poke Ball from Ash and pressed the button. “Politoed here. What’s the message?” (Okay, seriously, how does the Poke Ball work? There’s only one button on it, yet it does five hundred different things. It’s like the opposite of my TV remote.)
There was a buzz of static, then a deep voice spoke from the ball. “This is Grand Marshal Seismitoad. Today’s reports seem to indicate that the Poke Ball has fallen into enemy hands. The safety of our mission has been deemed uncertain. As such, the invasion has been abandoned and the army is retreating back to Kemon. We assume that you and your platoon are being held prisoner. If you aren’t and you manage to get this message, then know that you are on our own. Good luck surviving.”
The room fell silent. Politoed stared at the Poke Ball and blinked several times. Abandoned. He’d been abandoned on an enemy planet by his own army. He’d heard several of his superior officers talking about how they wished they could do just that – they were clearly jealous of his brains and good looks – but he’d never expected it to actually happen. How could he possibly get by on his own?
There was only one way.
Politoed looked to each of the Ketchums in turn: concerned Ash, furious Misty, and cheery Delia. These three were his only chance.
“Hello, family!” he said, putting on his most winning smile. “Where do I sleep?”
Next time on Sgt. Froakie:
Hey everybody! It’s me, Politoed! So, I’m stuck on this crappy planet because my commanding officers are cowards who are too afraid of a bunch of silly Pokeponians to come and save their finest soldier. So yeah, that kind of sucks. But things look up for me in the next chapter when I finally find my privates . . . I mean Private. And Ash has a blue-haired stalker, so good for him. I’d love to keep talking, but Misty is attempting to strangle me right now and it’s kind of difficult to keep typing. Froggy out! Peace!
Last edited by GalladeRocks; 16th January 2014 at 2:49 AM.
So many instances of breaking the fourth wall in the prologue and first chapter, I like it. I'm guessing Sgt. Frog isn't too different from Sgt. Froakie (excluding the Pokémon references of course), so I may give it a try.
I'm pretty sure Dawn is the blue haired girl and I'd like to see more Pokémon characters. (except Cilan and Iris...)
Xbox Gamertag: iDeadlyPanda|3DS FC: 0602-6674-5548 |NNID: ThePandaMan
PSN ID: The3DSCube
Could that be... Momoka? Wait, let me guess who's playing her. It's Dawn, right? Blue hair, girly, it's gotta be her.
You may be onto something . . . but I won't confirm it until the next chapter. *coughyesyouarecompletelyrightcough*
Originally Posted by JD
Just read the first chapter nice work Gallade! I find it interesting that Misty and Ash are siblings in your story I don't think I have ever seen anyone do something like that.
I wasn't initially sure whether giving them the brother-sister relationship was a good idea, but Misty was an absolute perfect fit for the role of Natsumi from Sgt. Frog, so Ash just naturally fell into the place of Fuyuki. Personality-wise, I think it was the right choice.
Originally Posted by Shadow XD001
So many instances of breaking the fourth wall in the prologue and first chapter, I like it. I'm guessing Sgt. Frog isn't too different from Sgt. Froakie (excluding the Pokémon references of course), so I may give it a try.
I'm pretty sure Dawn is the blue haired girl and I'd like to see more Pokémon characters. (except Cilan and Iris...)
Believe it or not, I actually toned down how often the fourth wall gets broken. The characters have a tendency to converse with the Narrator in the actual show, and while that will still happen in the fic from time to time, I'll be using it less frequently.
And one of those characters will be appearing. Not saying which one. *coughiriscough* Geesh, I really need to do something about this cough. Does anybody have a lozenge?
Last edited by GalladeRocks; 19th August 2013 at 7:35 PM.
First Misty, now Dawn & Iris will be appearing soon? I wouldn't be surprised to see May (and other traveling companions such as Brock & Cilan soon). Is the mysterious Drew guy briefly mentioned in Chapter 1 supposed to be the same Drew that is May's rival in the anime? Great chapter by the way.
X: Y: OR:
3DS FC: 1289-8257-7574|NNID: Master_Zach|Xbox Gamertag: WaTeRChAmP97|PSN ID: Ultra_Zach97 Claims: Blastoise, Smash Wii U, Joel from TLOU, L&O: SVU, The Dark Knight Rises, Multi-Man Smash theme
Wait, wait, wait! Let me guess. Iris is Koyuki! Raise in a village, lives in the woods, has amazing acrobatic/ninja skills, it's gotta be.
Okay, I'll stop forcing you to spill the beans. Sorry.
We'll have to wait until Chapter 10 to find out!
Originally Posted by Torpoleon
First Misty, now Dawn & Iris will be appearing soon? I wouldn't be surprised to see May (and other traveling companions such as Brock & Cilan soon). Is the mysterious Drew guy briefly mentioned in Chapter 1 supposed to be the same Drew that is May's rival in the anime? Great chapter by the way.
Yes, Drew is the same one from the anime. He'll show up in person before long.
Around Novmber then. Better get our waiting shoes on until then.
That's . . . probably a pretty good estimate, actually. Chapters will typically go up on the weekends. Taking out two weeks for vacation in September, that puts Chapter 10 in early November. Lucky guess.
Dawn and Tympole Present: Chapter 2
Beware the Cute Ones
(Freakin’ adorable, bee-atch!)
“You can not be serious!”
“Misty, don’t argue with your mother. It’s not my fault she likes me better, my little froggy face is just naturally irresistible.”
Ash glanced back and forth between Misty and Politoed, waiting for the inevitable alien-pummeling to begin. Delia watched the entire exchange with a wide smile, either not realizing or not caring that her daughter was about to fry up some frog legs. The four sat around the kitchen table, sipping tea and discussing the future habitations of the resident alien.
Politoed was abandoned by his superior officers. He was stranded on an enemy planet. He was all alone without a friend in the world. Yet somehow, his bleak situation was beginning to look up. Unlike my own. I managed to get on the bad side of a local mob boss; it’s not my fault I don’t get paid enough to settle my gambling debts. So now I’m hiding out in my grandmother’s basement working a typewriter by candlelight. If a big hairy guy named Moose asks about me, you don’t know anything.
“Yo, Mr. Narrator,” Politoed said. “Save your life’s story for your own fan-fiction. Don’t have one? Too bad. Just do your job and tell the masses about my laughable misadventures.”
Please. Like anyone gives a crap that you’re getting your own room. That is what you were arguing about, right?
“I give a crap!” Misty said, banging her fist on the table and rattling the teacups. “I don’t even want this psycho in our house! He should not get his own room!”
“I am a loving and contributing member of this family!” Politoed said. “I deserve my fair share!”
Misty laughed out loud. “Loving and contributing? You’ve been here a week and you haven’t done a damn thing!”
“Have too!” Politoed said. “I helped Ash build some of his old Lego Star Wars models. Those babies really needed my keen eye for detail.”
“That’s not enough,” Misty said. “If you’re going to be a member of this household – which, for the record, I completely oppose – then you need to pull your own weight. That means chores.”
Politoed recoiled in horror. “You would ask a guest in your house to do chores? The nerve of some people.” Maybe if he wants Misty to be a gracious host, he should be a gracious guest. Just sayin’.
Delia tapped her teacup with a spoon, regaining the attention of her children and houseguest. “Alright guys, that’s enough. I’ve already made my decision.” She pointed at Politoed. “You’re getting your own room. We don’t use our basement, so you can have it.” Misty opened her mouth to protest, but Delia cut her off. “But it doesn’t come free. You have to split up the chores evenly with Ash and Misty. It’s only fair.” She extended a hand to Politoed. “Deal?”
Politoed scratched his chin thoughtfully. “You drive a hard bargain. But I have no other options, so fine. We have a deal.” He reached across the table and shook Delia’s hand.
Misty scowled. “I still don’t like it, but I won’t fight the decision. At least he’ll be doing some work this way.”
“And I don’t have to sleep in the bathtub anymore,” Politoed said. “It sounded good in theory, but porcelain wasn’t nearly as comfortable as I expected.”
Misty kicked Ash beneath the table. “No time for idle chit-chat, we’re running late for school again.” Ash tried to speak again, but was met with another kick in the shin. Misty dragged him to his feet and pulled him, staggering, toward the door.
Politoed raised an eyebrow and followed the kids into the entry hall. “I’m no mind reader, but I get the feeling you’re trying to keep something from me.”
Misty shook her head vigorously. “Nope, nothing at all. Gotta go now. Have fun in the basement!” She swung the door open, gave a final wave to Politoed, and walked outside, dragging Ash behind her.
“Females,” Politoed said with a shrug. “Impossible to understand, no matter the species.”
“Hard to argue with that,” Delia said, striding past Politoed. “I’m off to work now. Behave yourself while we’re gone.”
“Of course,” Politoed said, saluting. “Say, you don’t know what Misty was so worked up about, do you?”
Delia paused and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “It’s hard to say. She’s probably happy that you’re moving into the basement.”
“Really?” Politoed said. “But she seemed so mad about it before.”
“She didn’t know I was giving you the basement,” Delia said. “Hearing that probably satisfied her bloodlust.”
Politoed gulped nervously. “So she’s happy that I get the basement. That’s a bad sign. What’s wrong with the basement?”
“Nothing major,” Delia said. “It’s just haunted, that’s all.” She smiled sweetly. “Have fun with your new roommate!” Before Politoed could even react, she was gone, slamming the door behind her.
“Welcome to the weekly meeting of the Paranormal Club! Let’s recite the pledge together, shall we?”
Ash’s cheerful greeting was met with absolute silence. That was only natural, given that he was the only person in the classroom. He slumped back in his chair behind the podium and sighed. The long rows of empty desks and assorted motivational posters on the wall served only to taunt him in his solitude.
“The My Little Pony club gets two hundred members on its first day and I’ve got squat. That seems fair.” Ash grimaced and closed his eyes. “I should’ve known better than to start this club. Nobody else seems to share my refined passion for the supernatural.” He reached into his backpack and pulled out his latest issue of Fake Science Monthly magazine. “Oh well. At least I can use this time to catch up on my reading.”
But Ash was not alone. The classroom door creaked slightly open, allowing an unseen observer from the outer hall to peer inside. She watched in rapt fascination as Ash . . . did absolutely nothing interesting. What exactly does this crazy chick see in him? Oh yeah, she’s crazy. Answered my own question there.
Ash continued studying up on how to avoid sea bear attacks, completely oblivious to his silent observer. “It’s really too bad no one else joined my club,” he said to himself. “If some other people would just give this stuff a chance, I bet they’d really enjoy themselves.”
“If only,” the girl said with a sigh. She drew away from the door and sat down against the wall, setting down a pink canvas sack beside her. She longed for Ash’s attention, it was true, but she just couldn’t bring herself to approach him. All love is unrequited, as they say. Get used to it folks, it’s going to be a recurring theme.
The girl brushed a strand of blue hair from her eye and sighed again. “Oh Ash, my dearest, my beloved, my hottie with a body. Why can’t I just work up the nerve to talk to you?”
The sack began thrashing until the girl halted it with a firm smack. “Even with this, I can’t bring myself to approach him” she said. “It was supposed to be my ticket to his heart. But I can’t use it to win him over if I can’t even get close to him!” She stood up and clutched the sack to her chest. “That’s it, I’ve got to get out of here before I go completely crazy!” I think it’s a little late for that. The crazy ship has already set sail.
“Dawn? Are you talking to somebody?”
“Buzz off!” the girl growled, shooing away the intruder. “I’m busy daydreaming about . . .”
She trailed off and slowly turned around. Ash stood before her, his lips turned up in an inquisitive smile. “Something wrong, Dawn?”
Dawn’s face flushed red. Her mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. She squeezed the sack tightly against her chest and something inside made a strangled coughing noise.
Whatever had made the sound, Ash didn’t notice. “Dawn, you don’t have to try to hide it. I know exactly what you’re feeling.”
Dawn frowned. “You do? Is it that obvious?”
“You were spying on my private club meeting,” Ash said. “It’s pretty obvious.”
Dawn’s eyes grew wide. “And how do you feel?”
“I feel exactly the same,” Ash said, his smile spreading from cheek to cheek. “Here, there’s something special I’ve been wanting to give you. I think you’ll enjoy it.”
Dawn would have fainted there and then, but she refused to ruin the moment. She’d been waiting for Ash to return her affections since kindergarten when she’d bore witness to his impassioned speech about the need for supernatural history teachings to become a part of school curriculum. He’d immediately been tackled by a gang of second-graders and Misty had to fight them all off singlehandedly, but it was still the manliest thing Dawn had ever seen. Geez, she was even a psycho in elementary school. How is this chick not medicated?
“Alright, Ash,” Dawn said, nearly breathless. “Lay it on me.” She closed her eyes and puckered her lips.
The warm, gentle touch of Ash’s lips against hers never came. Instead, she felt him grab her hand, which was nearly as electrifying. The contact was only for a moment, but it was enough to drive Dawn near the brink of fainting again.
“So?” Ash asked. “What do you think?”
“Dreamy,” Dawn murmured. She yelped as she felt something poke into her hand. She was bewildered to find a small metal pin in her hand. It displayed an image of a stereotypical alien with lime green skin and large black eyes.
“It’s the Paranormal Club badge,” Ash said. “You did want to join, right?”
Dawn exhaled deeply and forced a smile. “Yep, you caught me. I was just too nervous to ask.”
“Well, don’t worry about it anymore,” Ash said. “You’re in. Welcome to the club.” He extended his hand.
The situation could have been a lot worse, Dawn thought. At least now she had her excuse to spend more time with her beloved. And he was offering to hold her hand again. Sure, it was for a handshake, but it still counted. Marriage was surely just a step away.
Ash’s nose wrinkled. An instant later, Dawn knew why as a putrid stench filled the air. She cast a quick glance at the sack she still held at her side. The foul odor seemed to be emanating from within. Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln, even I can smell that. What is she carrying around, a corpse? Oh God, don’t answer that.
“Oh, um, that’s just me,” Dawn said. Ash raised an eyebrow and Dawn waved her arms frantically. “I mean, it wasn’t me, but I’m the one who made it happen. I mean I didn’t make it, but I brought the sack that did. Not that I have a sack, I didn’t mean anything like that, at least not in the anatomical sense. Oh God, I’m just making this worse, aren’t I? I should really shut up. Why aren’t I shutting up? Please stop talking, me! Stoptalkingstoptalkingstoptalkingthisisbadbadbadth ere’safroginmybackpackdarthvaderisluke’sfatherlisr eal2041searchfortheblindeyepippitypippitypippitypi p!”
Finally, Dawn ceased her tirade. She hunched over, breathing heavily. Ash blinked several times, still attempting to comprehend the flood of utter insanity. “Um, you mind running that by me again?”
“STATUES!” Dawn turned and sprinted away down the hall, her scream still hanging on the air.
Ash watched her go, scratching his head in confusion. He smiled sheepishly. “She’s weird, but at least she talked to me.” I’m not sure that’s a good thing, Ash my boy. A girl talked to me once. She’s watching me now from beneath the floorboards. Grandma! Get the roach spray!
Back at the Ketchum house, Politoed was having girl troubles of his own. He just didn’t realize it yet.
He stood at the top of the staircase and squinted down into the darkness. “Hello? Any ghosts down there?” There was no response and Politoed nodded, satisfied. “Just as I thought. Stupid ghosts know better than to mess with me!”
He proceeded down the stairs, whistling to himself, completely oblivious to the sudden drop in temperature. He ran his hand along the wall, searching for a light switch to illuminate the cave-like room. The cold continued to increase and a purple haze filled the air. The idiot sergeant was still completely unaware. “Geez, I know that Mom Lady said they don’t use the room,” he said. “But is there even a light down here? There should at least be a set of night-vision goggles on hand.”
The purple mist spread throughout the room and a shimmering sphere emerged from the wall, bathing the empty basement in its white light. “Is this better?”
Politoed nodded. “Oh yes, much better. Wow, this place really is a wreck. I’ll be doing the family a favor by cleaning this place up.” He froze. “Uh, is somebody else down here?”
“Just you and me. Why, did you hear something?”
Politoed turned slowly around to face the sphere of light. It bobbed up and down jovially in the air. Politoed gave a cautious wave. “Um, hello. Are you a ghost?”
The sphere released a blinding flash. When the light faded away, the figure of a female human floated in its place. Her dark blue hair hung down the sides of her head in two long strings and fluttered in a nonexistent breeze. The ethereal image was completed by her flowing pink robe.
“Yep,” the girl said. “I’m a ghost. Is that a problem?”
Politoed shrugged. “No, not really. As long as you’re not planning on possessing me or opening a portal to the Underworld, I can dig it.”
“No, I don’t have anything like that planned,” the ghost said. “Just regular haunting and the occasional snide remark.”
“Well, if that’s all,” Politoed said. “Say, do you know if there’s anything down here I can use to customize my new room? I don’t need much, just the basics. Bed, plasma-screen TV, hot tub, massage chair; you know, the usual.”
The ghost shook her head. “Nope, none of that. There’s a dead rat in the corner. You could use it to make . . . I don’t know, a bean-bag chair?”
“Tempting,” Politoed said. “But I need more. I’ll just use my Poke Ball to –” He paused. “Wait, Ash still has the Poke Ball. Apparently the stupid Pokeponians think it’s too dangerous to leave me with a superweapon.”
“Yeah, humans can be pretty stupid sometimes,” the ghost said. “500 years ago, a bunch of guys thought it was a good idea to lock me up in a cage and feed me stale rice cakes. When I finally died, I came back and scared them all to death.” She giggled in embarrassment. “Literally. I didn’t really mean to do it, but I can’t help it if I’m scary.”
“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Politoed said. “Can you give me directions to Ash’s school?”
The ghost raised an eyebrow. “I’ve spent the past five centuries in this basement. You’re on your own, bub.”
Politoed spun around in a huff. “Well, thanks for nothing, Ghost Girl. You won’t haunt me after I move in, will you?”
“Oh no, of course not,” the ghost said. “I only do that to people. I’ve got no issues with aliens.”
“Good to hear,” Politoed said, returning to the stairs. “I’m going topsoil to find Ash. If I don’t come back, avenge my death.”
The ghost smiled. “Of course. Good luck.” Politoed ran up the stairs, mumbling to himself about stealing Misty’s laptop. “Be careful of the humans, Sergeant,” the ghost called as she faded back into the wall. “They can be a despicable breed.” She laughed. It was a short, harsh sound without a hint of humor.
“Just look at what they did to me.”
Yikes, that was rather serious. Now let’s completely ruin the suspenseful mood with a crazy chick throwing a temper tantrum.
Dawn ran across the schoolyard and dived into a secluded ring of bushes. The small park was rather serene. Most people would have found the shaded grassy area to be very soothing. But not the psychotic thirteen-year old girl. She was in no mood for anything soothing.
She sat down at the base of a tree and buried her face in her hands. “That was a complete disaster!” she sobbed. “Ash must think I’m a complete freak!” No offense, but I’m pretty sure he was already of that opinion.
The pink canvas sack which was the source of all the trouble sat on the ground next to Dawn. It suddenly began to writhe and a small head popped out of the opening. “Is the coast clear?” Without waiting for an answer, the inhabitant of the sack fully emerged. New character alert!
The creature resembled a large tadpole. Its body consisted of a black head with a flat blue tail. It had two headphone-like bumps on the side of its head. Its small mouth turned up in a goofy grin. “Ah, fresh air. You ever rode around in a closed bag before? It’s not half as fun as it sounds.”
Dawn glared at the tadpole. “After that little stunt, you’ll wind up in a steel cage.”
The tadpole hopped around in the grass, giggling. “Oh, that?” he said. “Yeah, that was pretty awesome. The Grand Marshal has a research team dedicated to weaponizing my natural gases. You could wipe out a whole army with one of my stinkers!”
“You’d better have another one saved up then,” Dawn said. “Because you’re going to need it.”
Eleven seconds later, the tadpole was tied to the tree and Dawn was wheeling a cart full of volleyballs onto the empty school yard. “This looks like a fun game,” the tadpole said. “The rope’s kinda kinky. How do we play?”
“The rules are simple,” Dawn said, picking up a volleyball and squeezing it between her hands. “You keep still and I pelt you with volleyballs. Sounds fun, right?”
The tadpole shrugged, a difficult feat considering that he was tied to a tree, and even more difficult considering that he didn’t have arms. “Yeah, I guess. Do I try to eat them?”
Dawn shook her head. “No, it works better if they hit you right in the face and leave bruises all over your little slimy body.”
“Oh,” the tadpole said. “That doesn’t sound quite as fun.”
“It’s not supposed to be fun for you,” Dawn said. In the course of a second, she seemed to become a different person. Her eyes narrowed and the curved tips of her smooth hair grew jagged. She bared her teeth in a savage grin. “This is fun for me,” she said, her voice becoming an animalistic growl. With a loud grunt, she hurled the volleyball. “Now make like a tree and –”
She never finished the sentence. The volleyball hit the tree trunk just above the tadpole and ricocheted back, striking Dawn in the forehead. She stumbled backward, pressing a hand to her bruised cranium. The tadpole snickered. “Walk it off.”
“I’m fine,” Dawn said, steam pouring from her ears. “My rage protects me. Now make like a tree and die!”
Then, she unleashed the volleyball barrage.
Politoed stared up at the middle school. He put his hands on his hips and smiled.
“Finally, I made it. It took an hour of wandering the city, hiding from cars, and running from dogs, but I made it. But my directions were no help at all.” He crumpled up the sheet of directions and tossed it over his shoulder. “Thank you for nothing, MapQuest.”
He grimaced as he looked up at the tall white building. “My true journey begins now. I must infiltrate the den of my nemeses. This is the center of education where young Pokeponians are raised to exterminate my kind. Stealth will be my greatest ally. I shall risk life and limb, but for the sake of the invasion, I must carry on. I shall find Ash, retrieve my superweapon, and finally decorate my bedroom!” He punched the air. “The time is now! Excelsior!” He charged the front door.
There was a sickening crunch as Ash opened the door. He glanced about in confusion, searching for the source of the noise. Politoed groaned and dragged himself out from behind the door. “Is this going to be a recurring gag?” I certainly hope so. The sound of those little froggy bones cracking is music to my ears.
“Ignoring the sadistic narrator,” Ash said. “What are you doing here, Sarge? You know it’s not safe to be outside like this.”
“This is an urgent matter,” Politoed said. “I need the Poke Ball.”
Ash frowned. “I already told you that you can’t take over the world. I wish I could trust you with it, but after Wednesday’s incident . . .”
“I only set the bathroom on fire,” Politoed said. “That was no big deal. This is a matter of life and death!”
“Well, if it’s that important . . .” Ash trailed off and reached into his backpack.
Politoed nodded vigorously. “Oh, it is. I need it to decorate my room.”
Ash raised an eyebrow as he produced the Poke Ball from his backpack. “Really? It can do that?”
“It’d be easier to find something that it can’t do,” Politoed said. “It gets new powers as the plot demands.”
A piercing scream saved the fourth wall from imminent destruction. Politoed gasped at the sound. “I know that scream!” The scream was followed by a series of angry roars. “Uh oh, somebody’s in trouble!” Politoed dashed away without giving further explanation.
He was already peering over the bushes at the ensuing chaos by the time Ash caught up. “What’s up, Sarge?”
“My private is being tortured, that’s what!” Politoed said.
“Tortured” was a bit of a strong word. Dawn was still flinging volleyballs at her prisoner, but most of them were missing and bouncing harmlessly off the tree. “What’s Dawn up to?” Ash said. He caught sight of the tadpole and gasped. “Whoa, is that another alien?”
“Yes, a friend of mine,” Politoed said. He snatched the Poke Ball from Ash. “Now stand back, I have to save the day!”
Dawn reared back to pitch the final volleyball. Simultaneously, Politoed pressed the button on the Poke Ball. For a long moment, nothing happened. Then, kitchenware rained from the sky. Pots and pans materialized out of thin air and crashed down on Dawn. The poor psycho didn’t stand a chance against the onslaught.
Politoed hurried to the tree. “Don’t worry, Tympole, I’m here now!”
The tadpole beamed as Politoed untied him. “Sarge! You came for me!”
“Yeah, sure, let’s say that’s why I’m here,” Politoed said. He finished undoing the knot and Tympole dropped to the ground.
Ash’s eyes widened in horror and he rushed to Dawn’s side. “Sarge, what did you do?”
“I saved the day, that’s what,” Politoed said. “You’re welcome.”
“You dropped a Tupperware party on my friend,” Ash said, supporting Dawn as she rose shakily to her feet. “She wasn’t going to hurt your alien buddy, at least not too badly.”
“He’s not the one I was worried about,” Politoed said. “Your friend is the one I was saving.” He glanced at Tympole, who was watching a butterfly and giggling to himself. “You see, Tympole may seem all sweet and adorable on the outside, but if you get him mad . . . well, just don’t get him mad.”
As if on cue, the butterfly landed on Tympole’s forehead. His eyes narrowed and his jaw dropped open. Before anyone could react, he exhaled and a tremendous beam of yellow energy fired out of his mouth. The butterfly wheeled away, narrowly dodging the blast, which instead struck the tree. A massive explosion rocked the schoolyard. After a few seconds, the dust settled, revealing a smoking crater where the tree had been. Tympole sat beside it, smiling as if nothing had happened.
Ash and Dawn stared at Tympole with a combination of awe and horror. Politoed was unfazed. “That’s why we bring him along,” he said. “Sure, he can be a little annoying, but he’s good in a bind.” He gestured dramatically to the giggling tadpole. “Allow me to formally introduce you to my personal yesman, Private Second Class Tympole.”
Tympole lifted his tail to his forehead in a salute. “I will be happy to eat any food that is left on your plate!”
“He also racks up an astronomical food bill,” Politoed said. “But when he can just Hyper Beam all of our problems away, I think it pays off in the long run.”
Ash turned to Dawn in concern. “Hey, are you alright? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”
For the first time, Dawn seemed to take notice of Ash’s presence. Her cheeks flushed. “No, I’m fine. A little rattled, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Ash wasn’t convinced. “Still, I want to make sure you’re okay. You should come back to the house with me.”
Dawn’s face grew even redder. “Well, if you really want me to.”
Ash smiled and took her hand in his. “I insist. Come on.” He looked down at the aliens. “Tympole, you can come too. My mom and sister will want to meet you.”
“I’m right behind you, whoever you are!” Tympole said. “Seriously though, who are you? Sarge’s butler?”
“He is,” Politoed answered in a whisper. “He just doesn’t know it yet. Now come on, you’ve got to come see my new house!”
Tympole beamed. “Aye aye, sir! My house is pretty awesome too. There’s food, and TV, and a helicopter – ”
Politoed waved dismissively. “Yeah yeah, we’ll talk about your boring house later. My place has stew made from cow flesh! Misty may be really cranky, but she’s a gourmet chef of the highest caliber!”
The odd group set off for the Ketchum house. Ash led the way, dragging a semi-conscious Dawn behind him. Politoed and Tympole followed, jabbering on about houses and cow flesh and unimportant helicopters. It was a bizarrely peaceful scene. Until the butterfly returned and spurred Tympole into firing off another Hyper Beam, destroying a parked car and setting off the fire alarms in all of the nearby stores. The four sprinted the rest of the way to the house as the blare of sirens shattered the tranquility of the Tokyo afternoon.
Per usual, chaos reigns supreme.
Now let’s review. We’ve met a ghost in the basement, a schizophrenic teenage girl, and a tadpole who shoots energy beams from his mouth. This has been a pretty busy day, I’m clocking out. Hey, narrators have to sleep too, you know. And with the mob goons outside my window and a crazy stalker beneath my floor, I need all the sleep I can get. Take it away, preview guys!
Next time on Sgt. Froakie:
Hello, fans! It’s me, the adorable Tympole! I know you didn’t get to know me or Miss Crazyhead that well this chapter. Well, we certainly intend to correct that error in the next one! We’re gonna go toy shopping! I love toys, but Sarge is the real fan. Either way, I’m really happy about it! As long as that stupid butterfly doesn’t get in my way again . . .
Take it easy, buddy. And for the record, it’s not toys that I love, it’s Legos. There’s a huge difference. Legos are a man’s tool of construction and art. Toys are . . . still pretty cool, but you can’t use them to take over the world. Or can you?!?!?! I’ll have to investigate this further. Tympole! Get the Lincoln Logs! Froggy out!
Last edited by GalladeRocks; 25th August 2013 at 5:46 PM.