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Thread: Fairy Tale

  1. #1
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    Default Fairy Tale

    Ah, it feels good to have a fic to post, haha.

    Here is a story that probably can be called silly at best. One of those things that changed something like five times during writing and I wanted to take it and run away with more ideas. Whoops!

    It's based on the HGSS games (I mean the games specifically here), and will have three parts to it (all done bar last edits at time of posting).

    Rated PG. Credit must go to a friend for beta reading by the name of Jess. Thanks, Jess!




    Fairy Tale




    Elliot leant back on the fence and gazed skywards at the few fluffy clouds that slowly sailed by. They were the only things to see besides the bright, blue sky and the glorious sun. In fact, they made up a very familiar sight, as it was always sunny on Route 35, north of Goldenrod City. But Elliot found that it was a pleasing one nonetheless.

    “Nice day, isn’t it?” he commented to the girl beside him. Brooke the Picnicker was his girlfriend, and she always hung out with him on the Route. It was their Role in the Game to wait here for a trainer to battle. This Role of theirs was a much more interesting one than what many of the people inside Goldenrod had. After all, they got to have Pokémon battles, something many other people in the Game didn’t get to enjoy. In fact, some people’s Roles didn’t even allow them to go outdoors, while they could at least take on wild Pokémon in the nearby grass.

    She made a small grunt. “I guess,” she said. Elliot looked at her and noticed that she was biting her lip again. This was a habit she had only recently developed.

    “What’s up?”

    She sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know.... bored, I guess.”

    Elliot tilted his head slightly. “Bored? What of?”

    “Well, everything!” She fiddled her fingers. “It’s the same thing. We stand here, take on wild Pokémon every so often, then we go heal our Pokémon. Or we battle one of the other guys here. It’s still just the same. You lose most of your battles, I lose even more, we go heal our Pokémon, and then we do it all over again. The only interesting thing this week was that Earthquake earlier, which just means there’s some different trainer nearby.” The Earthquake in question had been unexpected for the two; it had shaken the ground ever so slightly and seemed to pulsate onwards without actually damaging anything. But then stray attacks from Pokémon were not a terribly unusual phenomenon.

    “Well, that is our Role...” Elliot said after a pause in thought. “But we do have our Pokémon. And besides, it’s a great location here. Near the city, near the park, and it’s always sunny.”

    “Too sunny,” she protested. “It’s always the same thing. I swear we even see the same clouds every day.” She peered up and pointed. “See, look, it’s that one that looks like a sick Ponyta! I hate that cloud!”

    Elliot squinted at it. It did look somewhat familiar, now that she mentioned it, although he didn’t feel any dislike for it himself.

    “And, I mean, it would be nice, if it rained for once. Really rained. Wouldn't it?”

    Elliot frowned now. “Well... we’d get wet if that happened.”

    “Or if we went for a trip somewhere. An adventure, like those other trainers,” she continued. She was gazing dangerously at the horizon when she said that, in Elliot’s opinion. He bit his lip. Brooke had brought up the idea all too often of late, but they both knew that would involve going beyond their Roles. And Elliot was scared, to put it simply, of stepping outside of their Roles, even if a few people were beginning to do so now given the protagonist had gone Silent years ago. But he didn’t let it show whenever Brooke brought it up. Naturally, she knew of his feelings, and also knew that they should keep the Game in order by sticking to their Roles. But yet, she yearned for something... more.

    Before she continued her wish fulfilment however, a trainer appeared from around the corner. He came running up with a Poké Ball in hand, and grinned broadly when he sighted the two.

    “I challenge you to a battle!” he yelled. Brooke sighed and turned to face the newcomer.

    “Alright, I’ll battle you first. Then I’ll lose, and then you can battle my boyfriend, who will also lose,” she said almost matter-of-factly.

    “Hey, I don’t lose all the time,” Elliot protested.

    “And your win-loss record is...?” When Elliot declined to reply, she grabbed her Poké Ball. “Go, Pikachu!” She sent out her Pokémon, who gave a small battle cry and danced about on all fours. Elliot stepped back to allow more space for the battle and quickly looked over the trainer. His clothes suggested he was not from around the area, and he seemed to have the attitude to match a seasoned battler. Elliot frowned at the person. He didn’t want Brooke to be further inspired by someone who may have decided to break their Role.

    The reveal of a Gabite confirmed his hypothesis. Such Pokémon were rare and in fact unknown to Brooke and Elliot, but they recognised that it was a Dragon type. It was unlikely that this trainer hailed from nearby with a Pokémon like that. The moment it was sent out, it burrowed underground by clawing at the ground and spewing soil all around.

    “Oh, great. Can’t do anything now, can I,” Brooke grumbled, although she now was evidently giving this challenger more attention as well. “Try a Growl then, Pikachu,” she commanded. Pikachu happily obliged, and then shrieked when the Gabite popped out from below and rammed it with its body. Once it predictably fainted, Brooke just shrugged and recalled her Pokémon.

    “Right, I’ll see you at the Pokémon Centre,” she said to Elliot.

    “Sure, sure,” Elliot grumbled. The other trainer didn’t even bother to recall his Pokémon. “What’s your name?”

    “Sam, although I don’t think it matters,” he answered with a smirk. “Come on, let’s get on with it, Bitey needs the experience.”

    He called it Bitey? Elliot shook his head and summoned his Sandshrew, who upon appearing on the path looked up at its taller foe and gulped. The Gabite grinned back and charged forward.

    “Come on, Sand-oh, never mind,” Elliot muttered as his Pokémon flew across the field into a fence and slumped over. “Fine, I guess you won-”

    “Oi, not so fast! You have a second Pokémon there, don’t you?” Sam shouted, pointing at the second ball on Elliot’s belt. Elliot looked at it and took a moment to take a deep breath before detaching it.

    “Sure, I guess if you need the experience that much.” He sent out the Pokémon. It was his Marill, but he knew the battle was only ever going to go one way.

    Which was why it was so surprising when Gabite slashed at Marill. Instead of succumbing to the attack like the previous two Pokémon, Marill simple stood still as the Gabite’s arm merely bounced off the blue blob, like a ball hitting a wall. The Marill then fired a large beam of light from its mouth into the Gabite’s face. The Dragon Pokémon stumbled back and grabbed its jaw with its two arms. Sam swore and yelled at his Pokémon to do the same again, while Elliot stared at his Pokémon. The Marill seemed unperturbed by what it had just done, and when the Gabite again failed to hurt it whatsoever with its attack, it leapt onto the Gabite and started striking it with its tail until the Dragon type fell with a pained howl.

    “Uh... did I just win?” Elliot said blankly. He pinched himself and tried to recall seeing any such moves from his Pokémon before. Did it even know those moves? Were they actual moves? He glanced at his Pokémon, who jumped about with glee on top of its fallen opponent. It somehow looked different in its behaviour, now that he thought about it. It was never quite this agile. And he felt oddly elated too. It wasn’t often that he knocked out a Pokémon, especially one used by a travelling trainer.

    Elliot was then shaken out of his thoughts as Sam marched over and grabbed him by the collar. “What was that?” he yelled. “How did your Pikablu beat my Gabite?!”

    “It’s a M-Marill-”

    “Whatever!” Sam shook Elliot and continued his interrogation. “What sort of moves did it do there! Surely not Water ones, it thrashed my Pokémon! Where are my experience points!?”

    “I don’t know!” Elliot shouted back. By now the Marill had realised what was going on and had waddled towards the two, quietly enquiring about what was happening. “I’ve never seen it do that before. Honest!”

    Sam glared at him intensely for a few moments, before letting him go. “Well, I guess you’re telling the truth,” he said roughly. “But then what’s wrong with your Marill?”

    Elliot frowned. “I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong, just... different.” He picked up his Pokémon and looked it over. He again felt a sort of sense that there was something off about it, but he just couldn’t place it. It playfully blew a bubble into his face, thinking this attention was part of some sort of game.

    “Well... maybe the Pokémon Centre nurses can help us figure it out. But...” Elliot paused. He never had to ask the person behind the counter to do anything besides heal his Pokémon before. This was a very different situation to anything he had experienced before.

    “Alright, let’s go.” Sam peered at the Marill before going back to his Gabite. “I want answers, and Gabite wants health points.”

    ***

    The nurse at the Pokémon Centre stared at the two when they recounted the story and asked that they examine Elliot’s Marill. She eventually remarked ‘how odd’ and took it away. A few hours then passed as the two males waited with Brooke, who at first laughed at the story about Elliot knocking out Sam’s Gabite. But when she realised that the nurses weren’t playing along with a prank of some sort she fell quiet and waited with them.

    Eventually the nurse reappeared, carrying Marill’s ball and handing it to Elliot.

    “Well, we confirmed what you said. It knows some new attacks, but... we’re can’t identify them. We can’t even determine the typing of the moves.”

    “You can’t?” Sam said, slamming his hands on the reception desk. “You mean it’s not some weird Ice type move? Then how did it beat my Pokémon?”

    “Please, calm down,” the nurse said shakily. “We’ve never seen anything like this. Maybe it’s a disease, but... well, how can we really tell, we hardly know anything about that!” Throwing her hands in exasperation she then pointed at the healing machine behind the counter. “That machine heals the Pokémon for us and does all the work, after all! I don’t actually know anything about the wellbeing of Pokémon beyond that! Nobody does! And I only know of one disease, and it doesn’t do anything except help the Pokémon grow faster anyway!” She then realised she had spat out the last words all too quickly and took a deep breath before continuing at a forcibly slower pace. “I made some calls to other Pokémon Centres however, and there have been other cases just like this. And I think the League knows about it too and they’re trying to figure it out.” She let the last piece of news it sink in for a moment. “Rest assured we’re working on it, but so far it’s eluded us.”

    “Well, what do you... think it is?” Elliot said quietly. “And can I still use my Marill?”

    “Oh, yes, that’s not a worry. Despite him knowing new attacks, he does look... well, healthy to me, as far as I can tell. I healed him five times for good measure too. As for the first question... well, the current theory is that they’ve somehow acquired a new typing. That’d explain why we can’t identify the move type – it’s something we’ve never seen before.”

    “How... exactly does that happen?” Brooke asked. She tilted her head and poked at the Marill.

    “Again, I don’t have a clue. We’ve been given a name for this typing by the League, but-” The nurse was interrupted by the door slamming open with a loud bang, accompanied by a pink-haired girl who charged in bawling her eyes out.

    “She’s been changed!” she yelled, waving a Clefairy at the nurse. Sam took a step away from her and looked at Brooke and Elliot with a raised eyebrow.

    “That’s Whitney. She’s the Gym Leader of Goldenrod,” Brooke said. “She gets... emotional.”

    “It’s different now! It’s a Fairy type, I know it!” Whitney was now jumping frantically. The Pokémon Centre door shook with each stomp she made, until a Chansey waddled up and stabbed her with a large tranquiliser. She slumped to the floor, while the Clefairy happily waved at the Chansey. The Chansey ignored it and looked at the nurse, as if to ask if she should inject the Clefairy as well.

    “Right, let’s take a look at you then,” the nurse said, scooping up the small Pokémon. Sam stared at the unconscious gym leader.

    “Oh, she’s very energetic sometimes.” She took the tranquiliser away from the Chansey and petted it on the head. “Too energetic. That’s why we have...” she trailed off as Whitney rose to her feet and stretched out her arms. Sam took a few more slow steps towards the door.

    “But that should have been enough to knock out a Donphan,” the nurse whispered.

    “I’m much too upset about this for that!” Whitney said, stomping a foot. “Something went and changed my Clefairy! It’s a Fairy type!” She began to sob again, but a bit less violently this time, an indication that the tranquiliser was having at least some effect.

    “A Fairy type?” Elliot enquired. “Is that what this new typing is called?” He looked at his Marill. He had always known it as a Water type – after all, it was blue. Did Fairy types have a colour they tended to be?

    “Yes!” Whitney shouted, stamping her foot once more for effect.

    “Please stop that,” the nurse asked quietly. Whitney paid her no heed and continued to rant.

    “It’s just been announced by the League that it’s being called that, and Clefairy’s become one! I just know it!”

    “Well... without meaning to intrude, what’s wrong with that?” Sam asked. “I’m more interested in what it can do-”

    “Because I’m the NORMAL type Gym Leader!” she wailed. Sam instinctively covered his ears. “And Clefairy is supposed to be a Normal type, not a Fairy one! I based my Gym’s design on it! What will people say when they see that? They’ll ask why I based my Gym design off a Pokémon that isn’t of the typing of my Gym!” She paused, but when everyone started to relax she launched into another rant. “And I don’t know what to tell my Gym Trainers. What do I say to people who have devoted all their time to my Gym, that all their own Clefairy and Snubbull aren’t Normal anymore?! It’s making a mockery of their Roles!”

    “...Your Gym’s design is based on Clefairy?” Sam asked after a moment.

    “Oh yes, it’s really quite cute!” Whitney beamed for a moment. “You see, I have a maze, and- but that’s beside the point! The point being that I am angry and we need to change this!”

    “Please calm down, Gym Leader,” the nurse urged again.

    “We?” Elliot echoed.

    “No! And yes!” Whitney said, marching to the door. “You’re all similarly affected by this dreadful change, right?”

    The three trainers looked at each other. Elliot answered, “Well, to be honest I’m the only one with a Pokémon that’s actually changed, and-”

    “Good enough!” the Gym Leader declared. “We’re going to go and try and change their minds.”

    “But... whose minds?” Brooke asked.

    “Go?” Elliot echoed.

    “The people in charge of maintaining our game, of course!” Whitney exclaimed. “Game Freak. They’re in charge of the code, after all, so they should be able to change things back.” And with that she grabbed Elliot by the arm and hauled him out of the building. He yelped in surprise, while Brooke shrugged and followed. Sam scratched his head, before he mumbled a hasty ‘thanks’ to the nurse and pursed the group.


    ***




    That's part one. Next one in a week or two, guess I'll space out the posting.

    For reference, Elliot and Brooke are based on specific NPCs that can be found on Route 35 in the game. Sam... you'll see about him. And I did say this was based on the HGSS games, or maybe just a game. =p
    Last edited by bobandbill; 8th June 2014 at 6:29 AM.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  2. #2
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    I'm going to guess that this was the fic that was giving you all sorts of problems? It's always good to see your work!

    I'm always glad to see fics exploring new mechanics introduced in later generations of the Pokemon games. It certainly works better in my mind to have the characters who were already around (like Elliot and Brooke fro HG/SS being introduced to sixth generation typings) be confused, angry, and yet willing to find out more about these new things than "they were just always there." I like that Sam was confident that he'd win, that Elliot was sure he'd lose, and that Marril surprised both of them by winning with its new attacks.

    I do wonder why you chose Elliot and Brooke to explore this, and I also wonder about Sam and what we'll learn about him.

    Whitney's scene was fun and had a good dose of your brand of humor. My favorite part of that was Clefairy waving to Chansey and Chansey being slightly disturbed.

    There were just two small mechanical issues I found.

    that would involve go beyond their Roles
    This sounds better as "involve going beyond their Roles."

    “But then what’s wrong with your Marill?” Elliot frowned.

    “I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong, just... different.” He picked up his Pokémon and looked it over. He again felt a sort of sense that there was something off about it, but he just couldn’t place it. It playfully blew a bubble into his face, thinking this attention was part of some sort of game.
    Here, it seems better to have "Elliot frowned" attached to the beginning of his dialogue instead of in Sam's dialogue paragraph.

    Rather enjoyed this fic, and can't wait to see the next part! Cheers!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astinus View Post
    I'm going to guess that this was the fic that was giving you all sorts of problems? It's always good to see your work!
    Well, it's one of the fics that did, I suppose!
    I'm always glad to see fics exploring new mechanics introduced in later generations of the Pokemon games. It certainly works better in my mind to have the characters who were already around (like Elliot and Brooke fro HG/SS being introduced to sixth generation typings) be confused, angry, and yet willing to find out more about these new things than "they were just always there." I like that Sam was confident that he'd win, that Elliot was sure he'd lose, and that Marril surprised both of them by winning with its new attacks.
    In regards to the above, that was one of the issues I had. The idea of 'fairy types get added suddenly, chaos ensures' came easily enough, but I didn't really have much initial idea of how to really write out the story beyond that (and probably more so I just didn't have the time too).

    I do wonder why you chose Elliot and Brooke to explore this, and I also wonder about Sam and what we'll learn about him.
    When initially planning I actually just picked them on the go. 'Oh yeah, that character had a Marill, and he had that NPC next to him too that was his girlfriend in the games, they should fit well'. Because I seriously remember stuff like that from GSC (and HGSS, but more so 2nd gen). I'm not even trying to remember these things help =(
    Whitney's scene was fun and had a good dose of your brand of humor. My favorite part of that was Clefairy waving to Chansey and Chansey being slightly disturbed.
    Using Whitney in general like that wasn't on-the-go (she seemed like a fun character to write about and exaggerate some to be honest, and it helps she's also relevant to the story's theme), but some finer details - like the tranquilizer - certainly was, haha. I suppose it's fair to say it would fit in my 'brand' of humour...
    There were just two small mechanical issues I found.

    This sounds better as "involve going beyond their Roles."
    Yes, it does. That's an oversight on my part, herp.
    Here, it seems better to have "Elliot frowned" attached to the beginning of his dialogue instead of in Sam's dialogue paragraph.
    I'll also agree with this. I thought it wouldn't be too much of a deal when writing, but it seems to be generally confusing so changed it is!
    Rather enjoyed this fic, and can't wait to see the next part! Cheers!
    Thank you for the comments, Astinus! =)

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

    The BBS Forums! Join in!

    Tied to this Pokemon Magazine! Looking for contributors - check it out!
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    Current Article: From RSE to ORAS - what has improved? We look at aspects that changed for better or worse.
    Previous Article: Dude, where's my Game Corner? Learn why you can't gamble in ORAS. =(
    Avatar: minty-fivestar on DA, edited background/cropping. Fic banner: cieux.


  4. #4
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    Default Chapter Up!

    And here's part two!



    ***

    Before they knew quite what was happening, the group of teenagers found themselves on a Magnet Train service direct to Kanto, all three seated opposite a quietly cursing Whitney. Elliot silently wondered if she ever stopped for breath. She hadn’t even refrained from her ranting when they had gone through the barriers at the train station in Goldenrod, instead flashing her Gym Leader badge at the attendant who hastily summoned the train for them. He wondered if he should have said more to her about not wanting to up and leave Goldenrod just like that. After all, he had never been anywhere else besides the city and Route 35. And this seemed like a blatant breaking of their Roles. But then he reasoned that maybe it was alright to do so if an important person like a Gym Leader was telling them to do just so, and it was clear that something was quite different about the world. As long as they stayed with her, they would probably be fine.

    Still, Whitney wasn’t really the most reassuring or calming person.

    Brooke tugged on his shirt a few times until he turned. “Look outside!” she said, jabbing at the window happily. Elliot obliged and watched the countryside fly past. He felt his stomach rumble slightly in protest at the sight and looked down at his feet instead. He hadn’t thought it was possible to go so fast, and yet the train was deathly quiet, as if they weren’t moving at all.

    “Even the trees look different!” Brooke grinned at the view through the glass. “Just look at them all.” It occurred to Elliot that she hadn’t been this happy for a very long time. He glanced out again and mused. It was somewhat refreshing to see a different view for a change. He wondered what Saffron and Celadon was like, and if they were quite as busy as Goldenrod. Tearing his eyes away from the windows, he glanced at Sam, who didn’t appear to be quite as interested in the passing countryside.

    “Seen this before, I suppose?” Elliot asked. He gave a small shrug.

    “Yeah, but not by Magnet Train before. Only travelled by foot.”

    “And what’s that like?” Brooke quickly added. Elliot scowled at Brooke’s question, but she didn’t seem to notice.

    “Well, it’s nice to see the sights, to see something different from before. To be honest, what I really wanted to do is join the Dragon’s Den guild. But I can’t, so I decided to travel instead.”

    “So you chose to break your Role,” Elliot said bluntly. Sam looked at him and shrugged.

    “Yes... I suppose I did. And you have too, now.”

    “Hey, that’s because a Gym Leader made us,” Elliot retorted, looking at Whitney. She didn’t seem to be paying the current conversation any heed, instead choosing to inspect her Clefairy once again.

    “Well, true,” Sam conceded. “I made that choice. I decided nothing new was ever going to happen, and I was sick of standing in Blackthorn with nothing else to do. The city of Dragon types, and I didn’t even have a Pokémon! So I went and got myself one, and when I couldn’t join the guild, I decided to go and see something different. And I haven’t regretted it since.”

    Elliot stared at Sam for a moment. “No, I... see where you’re coming from,” he mumbled, and once again looked at his feet. He had often thought how lucky he was to have his Pokémon and knew that a lot of other people in Goldenrod didn’t have one, but now was the first time he ever considered what it may actually be like for them to not have their own Pokémon, or not to have any meaningful Role. Not that his was that exciting either, but he had to admit that he had it better than many others.

    “Why couldn’t you join that guild?” Brooke asked Sam quietly.

    “They just didn’t want to accept me, really,” Sam said. “Mainly because they didn’t want me to go and change something they were all happily used to, I suppose. Clair, the Gym Leader of Blackthorn wasn’t so against it, but she reckoned I wasn’t strong enough. So I’ve travelled around to try and train my Pokémon.”

    “So why are you coming along with us, then?” Elliot asked. “You could be going for more experience points from battling people around Goldenrod, after all.”

    “I’m only tagging along because I want to find out more about this supposed Fairy type. If that Marill of yours was able to defeat my Dragon Pokémon, then I want to know more about that weakness.”

    Elliot then recalled what had happened earlier that day – he and Brooke had noticed that ground shake from an Earthquake attack. “Yes, I suppose it is odd that my Marill won – I mean, I guess your Gabite knew Earthquake, even!”

    Sam stared at Elliot. “Earthquake? Yeah, I noticed it too, but that wasn’t from my Gabite. I thought it was some other trainer’s Pokémon doing it, so I was trying to find them for a battle,” he explained.

    “Huh.” Elliot scratched his head.

    “Do you have one of those Fairy types?” Sam asked Brooke.

    She shook her head. “No. At least, I don’t think Pikachu is one. That’s the only one I have, but hey – a reason to see something different is good enough for me!”

    Elliot gazed at his Marill’s Poké Ball as Brooke began to interrogate Sam on the finer details of travelling. He hadn’t even had a chance to look at his own Pokémon since Whitney had shown up, and he wasn’t sure that he would be allowed to let out a Pokémon on a train. He wasn’t a Gym Leader who could apparently just go and do something like that. Besides, he didn’t want to risk making Whitney even more upset about the matter. But the temptation was certainly strong. How did Marill feel about being a different type?

    He was suddenly brought out of his thoughts as an announcement informed them that they were already pulling into Saffron Station. Before he could wonder at how impossibly quickly the trip had taken them, Whitney was already hauling him and the other two out of the train and onto the streets. Brooke exclaimed in wonder at the number of tall buildings that greeted them.

    “It’s even bigger than Goldenrod!” she breathed.

    “No time to sightsee, we’ve got to get moving. Their headquarters are in the next city over, so we have a bit of a walk. I’d use my Togekiss, but it wouldn’t be able to take you three as well.” She then paused for a moment and swore slightly. “I bet she’s a Fairy too!” she wailed, and continued along.

    “Well, that means more places to see!” Brooke cheered. The group continued onwards, passing through the gatehouse of Saffron’s west exit and onto the road. It seemed to be a rather short and insignificant route connecting the two cities. Once again before they had really gotten used to their surroundings they reached Celadon City without encountering any trainers. Sam quietly muttered about the lack of experience points he’d get for his Pokémon from the trip. Even the city itself seemed oddly empty; not a soul stood outside the large Pokémon Centre that stood by the entrance. Whitney ignored the strange atmosphere around here and led them towards a towering building, where it seemed all the residents and then some had gathered around. Many held signs and waved them while they chanted at the mansion.

    “Aha, others already decided to protest here! Let’s join in!” Whitney shouted. She grabbed her Clefairy and waved it at the building. Elliot gaped at the amount of people in one place. Maybe this new Fairy type was a serious matter for all of these people to drop what they were supposed to do and come here. After all, Whitney had thought so too.

    “So I suppose this is where Game Freak is,” Sam said quietly.

    “Why do they call themselves Game Freak, anyway?” Brooke asked, gazing around and absorbing the sights of the buildings. She had to admit that they didn’t look too different from those in Goldenrod, but the different shapes and sizes, and even the layout of the city was exciting for her.

    “Dunno. Maybe they just always had that name, like us,” Sam said. The group were known for being in charge of maintaining the Game, ensuring that no glitches got out of control and everything ran smoothly. But as the protagonist had gone Silent for years, they didn’t really seem to have much to do. Whitney had ranted earlier that perhaps they had decided to change the code and introduce this new type, and hence ruin everything for her.

    The three went and found a bench close enough to observe the crowd vary their chants from a range of messages such as ‘Go Home Fairies’, ‘No Fairies No’, and ‘We are angry’. Elliot sent out his Marill and looked it over as it happily bounced about. If it was aware it had a different typing, it didn’t seem to mind at all.

    Eventually a man came out to acknowledge the crowd who roared when he emerged. He tugged at his clothing while he waited for them to quieten down.

    “Alright, good afternoon, everyone. Now, we’re quite aware why you are here...”

    “Yeah, fix the Fairy type already!” someone yelled.

    “We don’t need something new!” another shouted.

    “My poor Sparkles doesn’t know what it is anymore!” a woman screeched. A large Granbull standing near her grunted his indifference.

    The man glanced at his watch until the yelling started to fade out. “If you would please keep quiet for a moment, I’ll try to explain things as best I can,” he said slowly. This time the crowd obliged and held back their protests. “Now. Firstly, there is indeed a new typing. We looked through the code, and it’s most certainly there. The problem, however, and I stress this particular fact to you, is that it’s not something we’ve added. The truth is we don’t even know where it came from.” The crowd immediately responded with wilder yelling. “Please! Hear me out.” Another couple moments passed before he could continue again.

    “Where do you think this code came from then?” Whitney shouted.

    “That is a good question. We’re trying to find out. Nobody in this Game went in and coded it in though, I assure you. It might, however...” He paused for a moment. “It might be some phenomenon we call an Update.”

    “What the heck is that supposed to mean?” one asked before he could explain.

    “It’s a term we’ve come up with. A change to the Game, by some external force. Or maybe it’s just our Game evolving by itself, changing to adjust to its own balance. I’m sure you all felt that shake early, something that seemed like an Earthquake but wasn’t quite one. We believe that was the Update affecting the world throughout.”

    Ah, so that’s what that Earthquake was,” Elliot said quietly to Brooke as the crowd murmured. “He’s saying that travelled through Johto and Kanto?”

    “Shush, he’s still talking,” she replied. Elliot nodded and tried to catch up on what the Game Freak person was talking about.

    “After all, one of the strengths of this new type that we’ve discovered so far is that it is super effective against Dragon types. Maybe the Game felt that something needed to change.” Sam grunted at this last sentence.

    “So when are you changing things back then?” someone asked at length. The spokesperson grimaced.

    “We’re unsure that doing that would be safe... It is no simple matter to just change this code when the Update altered existing functions as well. And trying to change it manually can be very dangerous – a wrong decision could wreck havoc. So it might just have to remain.” The Game Freak representative quickly raised his hands when another protest chant started. “However, we do realise that it may take some time to get used to this. So as soon as we’ve gone through the whole code and understand what has changed and what it means for us, we’ll be sending out to everyone a guide to Fairy types once we learn enough about it...” More booing broke out, so he hurriedly added, “And to appease you, we’ll send each of you a free Lemonade and Premier Ball.”

    At once the majority of the crowd cheered, and despite Whitney’s protests that nothing was going to be fixed this way it began to disperse.

    ***

    “I don’t like this,” Whitney said for the umpteenth time to the trainers she had dragged to Kanto. They were now sitting in the Pokémon Centre of Celadon, sipping their Lemonades. Elliot had given the last few gulps of his to his Marill and watched the small blue blob poke at the straw sticking out of the can.

    “Me neither, to be honest,” Sam said. “If everyone gets a guide about this Fairy type, then I won’t get any advantage over others on how to overcome it!”

    “Pfft, that’s the least of my worries,” Whitney said. “What about my Gym? And I don’t buy this Update being hard to remove.”

    “Why not?” Sam asked. Elliot squinted at Whitney as she answered.

    “Because... well, I just think so, that’s why!” She huffed and folded her arms. “I believe stuff like this happened before.”

    “Well...I don’t remember an Update thing happening before,” Elliot said, scratching his head. “I don’t even remember hearing about such a thing. Do you?” he asked Brooke, looking for confirmation that it wasn’t just his memory. She nodded in agreement.

    “Of course you don’t, you’re not an Important Character,” Whitney said with a hint of pride. “Us Gym Leaders, we’re privy to special knowledge. For example, did you know that there’s another Game out there like our one, but it’s so much more boring? There’s no Abilities, for starters! How silly! Imagine if my Miltank couldn’t hit Ghost Types!” She giggled for a moment while the others exchanged confused glances. “Anyway, nothing’s changed much for...well, ever, and I bet that’s just because any Updates that tried to happen before were promptly reversed by the Game Freak folk. So why wouldn’t they keep everything the same this time?”

    “You mean to say,” began Brooke slowly, “that things could have changed before if it wasn’t for Game Freak?”

    “Oh, sure, you’ll be able to get over a change soon enough,” Whitney said, misunderstanding Brooke. “But I won’t! I’ll live in the knowledge that my Pokémon used to be Normal type! And I don’t want to have to change things! It was just fine for me! And they are supposed to maintain the Game as it is, that’s their Role.” She suddenly stood up and made for the exit.

    “W-Where are you going?” Elliot asked quickly.

    “I’m upset, so I’m going to calm myself and get an Eevee. I can’t remember for sure, but apparently there’s a guy who might give them out through a back entrance to that mansion. Then I might yell at Game Freak some more. You can wait here until I return. I’ll be back soon.” And with that she departed.

    “I want an Eevee,” Brooke said quietly, as Elliot glanced around.

    “We better wait for her though,” Elliot interjected quickly. “If we get lost then we could be stuck here for a while, and she’s our way back.”

    “Well, maybe that’d be a good thing,” Brooke muttered, folding her arms. “At least we’d be looking at something different. And Fairy type or not, that’s not going to change much about our Roles, is it?” She huffed and walked off to another part of the Pokémon Centre. Elliot sighed and looked at Sam who shrugged back at him.

    A few hours passed. Each of the trainers spent their time differently; Elliot tried to see what moves Marill now knew as Sam looked on and took mental notes, while Brooke scrutinised the map of Kanto on one of the Pokémon Centre walls and bugged the nurse about each location. The moment the sun escaped from view the streetlights flipped on. The three began to inspect the clock at more frequent intervals, but Whitney still did not reappear.

    ***

    Once the clock read eight Sam stood up. “Right, that’s just too long. I’m off to go get her so we can get back.”

    “But we should stay put!” Elliot stood up and grabbed Sam’s sleeve. “I know you’re used to travelling about, but without Whitney you can’t get back onto the Magnet Train without a ticket!”

    “I’m going too,” Brooke said.

    “Wha-no!” Elliot spluttered, promptly letting go of Sam’s shirt. He quickly wiped a bit of spit from his mouth. “We definitely can’t go! We’ve got to stay put or we’ll get lost and then-”

    “Getting lost might be exciting for a change. At least it’ll be something different.” She rolled her eyes and followed Sam out the door.

    “No, that’s a bad idea!” However his protests were for naught – the door closed after they turned the corner and he was left alone. He paced around for a bit, and then looked at the nurse behind the reception desk who just shrugged back at him.

    “Well,” she informed him, “frankly I’d like to go outside for once, but someone’s got to stay here.”

    “Yes, but we can’t return to our own Roles if....” He then paused. What if something happened to Whitney and they would have to stay here for good? She had the Magnet Train ticket, and he didn’t want to be in a worse position than before the Update. He wouldn’t even have a set Role to follow here, unless what Whitney last said to them counted. And he didn’t want to stay here forever. After letting out a few sighs for good measure in the hope that it would bring them back, he checked that he had his Pokémon with him and walked outside. He spent the next few moments dashing frantically about before he caught sight of the two and ran to them.

    “This is a bad idea,” he breathed when he caught up. He then noticed he could hear a distant rumbling. He glanced around, trying to locate the source of the sound. “Besides, what’s that noise up ahead? What if it’s at the mansion?”

    “Oh, don’t worry yourself so much,” Sam said with a shrug. “We know where she went, and how to get there. I think. Nothing to worry about.”

    “So why would a Gym Leader be so late to return?” Elliot challenged. When no answer came, he snorted. “See, this is a bad idea, and-”

    “Run!” Sam shouted suddenly, cutting him off.

    “What-“ Elliot looked up and found himself looking at a large Dragonite glaring down at him, with a man riding on its back yelling something at the group. The orange Pokémon snorted at him and then stomped a foot that shook the ground. Elliot’s legs initially refused to react but Sam quickly yanked him by the collar which propelled him into motion, and the three trainers ran back the way they came. Elliot’s Marill, however, didn’t notice and continued to hop along the path until it bumped into one of the Dragonite’s legs.

    The Dragonite stared at the Marill, who in turn gawked back at the giant Pokémon. Elliot turned around and yelled at his Pokémon to come back, while the trainer upon the Dragonite shouted at it.

    “Quick, Dragon Pulse that thing!”

    It obliged and opened its mouth, releasing a purple pulsating wave that raced into Marill and engulfed the Pokémon. Elliot yelled out, but when the fog dissipated it stood there appearing rather unmoved by the attack, save for what Elliot thought looked rather like a small smirk. He stared at his Marill, and continued to do so when it suddenly leapt up astoundingly high and crashed into the Dragonite’s face, thrashing its whole body violently upon impact. The Dragon Pokémon screeched and jerked back, tossing off its trainer who hit the ground with a surprised yelp. By now Sam and Brooke had stopped running to observe these events.

    “Be... be careful!” Elliot shouted at his Marill. Never had it been so upbeat during a battle, and the fact it was acting like this against a Dragonite was something Elliot was quite unsure how to react to. Should he congratulate his Pokémon? Tell it off?

    The Dragonite’s trainer swore and picked himself up. His stare matched his Pokémon’s in sheer intensity and anger.

    “I... think we should get running again,” Brooke said quietly, scooping up the Marill. The three sprinted off as their attacker yelled at them.

    “The heck was that about?” Elliot shouted. “Do Dragonite usually attack people here or is it another Role break?”

    “I don’t know about the first question, but I recognised that guy!” Sam yelled back.

    “What?”

    “You say ‘what’ too much!” Brooke interjected. “And-hey, what?” she found herself saying, as the three came into view of the mansion Game Freak resided in. The source of the sound Elliot heard earlier was apparent now. A slew of Dragon types were laying siege to the building, while another group of Pokémon stood between them and the building and were seemingly trying to protect the mansion. Some of the Dragon aggressors were blasting the defenders with elemental attacks, while others tried to bash their bodies through the defences.

    “Well, there’s no way in, that’s for sure,” Sam muttered.

    A loud thump prompted them to turn around. The Dragonite trainer had returned.

    “DEATH TO FAIRIES!” he yelled, and the Dragonite charged at the group. Brooke briefly considered whether hurling the Marill at it would stop it, Sam readied one of his Poké Balls, and Elliot just felt like collapsing in a heap, when the Pokémon suddenly stopped short, clutching its head and letting loose a rumbling roar. Elliot looked at his companions, who looked equally confused about the Dragonite’s reaction.

    A green, humanoid form materialised in front of them, causing the three to jump. The slender figure darted forward and shot a brightly radiating orb from its palms at the Dragonite, ejecting more screeches of pain and a panicked retreat. This newcomer then turned and looked at the three. Elliot felt some presence brushing his mind and shivered.

    “Did it protect us...?” Elliot said uncertainly, referring to the struggling Dragonite.

    “I think so,” Brooke whispered, stepping next to Elliot and ensuring that this Pokémon remained between them and the Dragonite. “What is it though?”

    “A Gardevoir, I think,” Sam replied.

    At length the Pokémon nodded and waving its green arms gracefully, as if performing a small dance.

    “Wh-what are you doin-” Elliot started, when the world suddenly curved away from them. Elliot gasped, or tried to do so, when his body seemed to dissolve away and teleport through the air.

    ***


    You'll just have to wait to see what happens next. ;p
    Last edited by bobandbill; 8th June 2014 at 5:40 AM.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  5. #5
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    So I saw your post in the Review Game thread, and am wondering why the esteemed author of "The Retelling of Pokemon Colosseum" has hardly gotten any reviews on this fic. After finishing reading it, I'm still wondering, and hopefully this can get you a bit more recognition. I've never read "The Retelling of Pokemon Colosseum," but I've heard hat it is funny (as pointed out by your signature ;D) and so I expected this to be funny as well.

    You, sir, do not disappoint.

    Please bear with me on this review; I haven't gotten much sleep lately, and it would probably make more sense for me to read this and review it when I'm not really tired, but oh wellz. I didn't think of that until now. Anyways, to review!

    It was their Role in the Game to wait here for a trainer to battle.
    So I started reading this expecting something in a traditional manner; this sentence right here proved me wrong. In fact, it intrigued me, and got me hooked right away.

    What I find interesting is that I can already tell that these are supposed to be game characters and they clearly have their own personalities. In the games, we can hardly feel that since we read only 3-4 sentences from them; you manage to flesh that out and make them their own people with their own habits and personas. Well done! ^_^

    And Elliot was scared, to put it simply, of stepping outside of their Roles,
    PANSY.

    But yet, she yearned for something...more.
    I think you need a space right before "more." . . . I think.

    “Hey, I don’t lose all the time,” Elliot protested.

    “And your win-loss record is...?” When Elliot declined to reply, she grabbed her Poké Ball.
    This gave me a good chuckle

    He called it Bitey?
    My thoughts exactly, Elliot.

    “How did your Pikablu beat my Gabite?!”
    Oh my gosh, this guy believes in the legendary Pikablu! XD

    It playfully blew a bubble into his face, thinking this attention was part of some sort of game.
    I'm not quite sure why, but I found this both really cute and sad at the same time. Elliot can't find enough time to pay attention to his Marill and it thinks that getting attention is a game?

    “Please, calm down,” the nurse said shakily. “We’ve never seen anything like this. Maybe it’s a disease, but... well, how can we really tell, we hardly know anything about that!” Throwing her hands in exasperation she then pointed at the healing machine behind the counter. “That machine heals the Pokémon for us and does all the work, after all! I don’t actually know anything about the wellbeing of Pokémon beyond that! Nobody does! And I only know of one disease, and it doesn’t do anything except help the Pokémon grow faster anyway!
    So the truth comes out: the nurses don'tk now anything except to put the Pokeballs on the machine and tell us that our 'mons have Pokérus. I was pretty surprised that she just shouted that, and found it pretty funny XD Again, this just shows how you've characterized everyone, even the nurses who just stand behind counters and tell you to come and visit their Pokémon Centre.

    I healed him five times for good measure too.
    o_o These nurses really don't know anything after all....

    “How...exactly does that happen?”
    I think you need a space before "exactly."

    “She gets... emotional.”
    lol "emotional" isn't the first word that comes to my mind when I think of Whitney's whining.

    The Pokémon Centre door shook with each stomp she made,
    Holy crap! 0_0

    until a Chansey waddled up and stabbed her with a large tranquiliser. She slumped to the floor, while the Clefairy happily waved at the Chansey. The Chansey ignored it and looked at the nurse, as if to ask if she should inject the Clefairy as well.
    This also made me laugh

    “Too energetic. That’s why we have...” she trailed off as Whitney rose to her feet and stretched out her arms. Sam took a few more slow steps towards the door.

    “But that should have been enough to knock out a Donphan,” the nurse whispered.

    “I’m much too upset about this for that!” Whitney said, stomping a foot. “Something went and changed my Clefairy! It’s a Fairy type!” She began to sob again, but a bit less violently this time, an indication that the tranquiliser was having at least some effect.
    Whintey's a freaking deity if she can manage to absorb that much of a sedative and hardly feel anything.

    Did Fairy types have a colour they tended to be?
    Pink! =D

    “...Your Gym’s design is based on Clefairy?” Sam asked after a moment.

    “Oh yes, it’s really quite cute!” Whitney beamed for a moment. “You see, I have a maze, and- but that’s beside the point!
    WOAH I never noticed that it was based off of Clefairy!

    Additionally, I'm actually starting to sympathize with Whitney and see the new typing as a problem. How can she keep using her iconic Pokémon if it's not even the type she specializes in?



    I have to say, I really do like this, and it is quite refreshing to read a fic and not correct the author on grammar every few sentences. You did a great job of incorporating the comedy element, and I can honestly say that I got a good laugh out of this I like how the characters are constantly breaking the fourth wall, and knowing things that we wouldn't ever expect them to know. It's just... refreshing, I suppose would be the right word. I'll try to read and review part 2 sometime soon! Again, good job, and I'll be happy to read more! =D


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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by starliteevee View Post
    So I saw your post in the Review Game thread, and am wondering why the esteemed author of "The Retelling of Pokemon Colosseum" has hardly gotten any reviews on this fic. After finishing reading it, I'm still wondering, and hopefully this can get you a bit more recognition. I've never read "The Retelling of Pokemon Colosseum," but I've heard hat it is funny (as pointed out by your signature ;D) and so I expected this to be funny as well.
    I can't recall being called esteemed before. XD

    Yeah, I suppose one could think it odd given how much attention that fic got, but on the flip side, that was finished two years ago, I had a bit of a break from this section last year (in part due to other sites, more so due to real life), but that's hopefully to be a different story this year. *motions to this fic, maybe another later on, and the ORAS fic contest judging*. And having a popular fic in the past doesn't mean one is going to get comments on other ones as well. *shrug*
    You, sir, do not disappoint.
    That I like to hear. \o/
    Please bear with me on this review; I haven't gotten much sleep lately, and it would probably make more sense for me to read this and review it when I'm not really tired, but oh wellz. I didn't think of that until now. Anyways, to review!
    This sounds like a familiar story for myself, so I'm okay with that. =p
    So I started reading this expecting something in a traditional manner; this sentence right here proved me wrong. In fact, it intrigued me, and got me hooked right away.
    Ah, the Role stuff. That was one of the things I added on when changing how the story would go. And something I wouldn't mind exploring further to be honest, but in the end I didn't go too mad with it, haha.
    What I find interesting is that I can already tell that these are supposed to be game characters and they clearly have their own personalities. In the games, we can hardly feel that since we read only 3-4 sentences from them; you manage to flesh that out and make them their own people with their own habits and personas. Well done! ^_^
    Thanks! I have a decent amount of practice with that in TRoPC in playing around with game characters, so call it playing to my strengths.
    PANSY.
    Fair enough. :V
    I think you need a space right before "more." . . . I think.
    Yeah, true that. Not sure why I didn't catch that and the other ones you pointed out too. (Unless something screwed up in the c+p?). I'll fix that soon enough.
    This gave me a good chuckle
    To be fair, Brooke's win-loss record isn't much better either.
    My thoughts exactly, Elliot.
    Bitey is a great name!
    Oh my gosh, this guy believes in the legendary Pikablu! XD
    I couldn't resist with that reference, haha.
    I'm not quite sure why, but I found this both really cute and sad at the same time. Elliot can't find enough time to pay attention to his Marill and it thinks that getting attention is a game?
    Hmm, to be honest I hadn't intended that part to be sad, but I can see how you interpreted it. I had more meant that what Marill thought would be along the lines of 'this person is shaking my trainer while pointing at me and talking excitedly, and now they are both staring at me ooh is it a game', if that makes sense. And on the contrary, Elliot with his Role would have a lot of time on his hands, haha. I guess I'll have to look at rewording that.
    So the truth comes out: the nurses don'tk now anything except to put the Pokeballs on the machine and tell us that our 'mons have Pokérus. I was pretty surprised that she just shouted that, and found it pretty funny XD Again, this just shows how you've characterized everyone, even the nurses who just stand behind counters and tell you to come and visit their Pokémon Centre.
    One of the later additions as well, there. It struck me that that was all they ever did in the games, and the only unusual thing for them to do was either tell you about Pokerus, or wish you a happy birthday in the later games.
    o_o These nurses really don't know anything after all....
    At least she tried. =p
    lol "emotional" isn't the first word that comes to my mind when I think of Whitney's whining.
    She's putting it mildly. XD
    Holy crap! 0_0
    Whintey's a freaking deity if she can manage to absorb that much of a sedative and hardly feel anything.
    That she is. Or just really full of beans.
    WOAH I never noticed that it was based off of Clefairy!
    It is indeed. Not that easy to notice in the game to be fair, seeing only only ever see part of the Gym at any one time.
    Additionally, I'm actually starting to sympathize with Whitney and see the new typing as a problem. How can she keep using her iconic Pokémon if it's not even the type she specializes in?
    Exactly. And consider all the 1st/2nd gen Normal types that changed typing in 6th gen!
    I have to say, I really do like this, and it is quite refreshing to read a fic and not correct the author on grammar every few sentences. You did a great job of incorporating the comedy element, and I can honestly say that I got a good laugh out of this I like how the characters are constantly breaking the fourth wall, and knowing things that we wouldn't ever expect them to know. It's just... refreshing, I suppose would be the right word. I'll try to read and review part 2 sometime soon! Again, good job, and I'll be happy to read more! =D
    You can thank my beta reader in part in regards to the apparent lack of errors. ;p Good to hear that you enjoyed the humour, it's usually the focus of stories like these and I do try to entertain. Thanks a lot for the review! =)


    I was going to put the last part up last weekend, but I decided to work on other things, some (not all) of those being assignments. Likely this weekend however!

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  7. #7
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    Well, good thing I remembered your story and decided to read through your update before you posted the next part!

    Until the four arrived in Celadon, I completely forgot that Game Freak's headquarters were there. You made good use of their presence in the games, since they mention working on the coding and even the game's storyline as it's happening. That goes along with what I like about this fic: you made qualities about the game normal and the world real. Like the Update being an earthquake, Whitney remembering her life before HG/SS mechanics were introduced. Even the free Lemonade to appease the rioting masses! Just things like that.

    Sam, Elliot, and Brooke are another sign of this. They're three NPCs (now that we know Sam's backstory) and yet you broke them out of their basic Roles and made them interesting characters. I have to say Brooke is quickly becoming my favorite of the trio. She won me over with her "I want an Eevee" line. Plus her relationship with Elliot is fun to read, as she deals with his reactions to the Update and the change in the world they thought they knew.

    One weird mechanical thing I noticed towards the end of the chapter:
    The Dragonite stared at the Marill, who in turn gawked back at the giant Pokémon. Elliot turned around and yelled at his Pokémon to come back, while the trainer upon the Dragonite shouted at his Dragonite.
    You used "Dragonite" three times in two sentences, particularly the last one. It's just something I noticed. Especially when I'm writing and notice that I'm repeating words, you're the one that comes to mind who would point out the repetition!

    The story's getting interesting with a little bit of dramatic cliffhanger, while still keeping your brand of humor. That Gardevoir sure has some mysteries, but it seems like all Gardevoir do. Looking forward to the next part, mate!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill
    I can't recall being called esteemed before. XD
    Flattering whoever I'm reviewing is something I try to do before I go over reading the story :V

    Yeah, I suppose one could think it odd given how much attention that fic got, but on the flip side, that was finished two years ago, I had a bit of a break from this section last year (in part due to other sites, more so due to real life), but that's hopefully to be a different story this year. *motions to this fic, maybe another later on, and the ORAS fic contest judging*. And having a popular fic in the past doesn't mean one is going to get comments on other ones as well. *shrug*
    True, I suppose. Well, if you ever want/need someone to review your works, I'll be happy to

    Also, I looked up Whitney's gym, and you were right.

    On to part 2!!

    “Why couldn’t you join that guild?” Brooke asked Sam quietly.

    “They just didn’t want to accept me, really,” Sam said.
    Awww. *Gives Sam a hug*

    How did Marill feel about being a different type?
    I find Elliot's concern for his Pokémon's feelings really heartwarming ^_^

    Before he could wonder at how impossibly quickly the trip had taken them Whitney was already hauling him and the other two out of the train and onto the streets.
    I think you need a comma between "them" and "Whitney." It might be right, but it just feels really run-on without it.

    “I bet she’s a Fairy too!” she wailed, and continued along.
    Whitney just can't catch a break, can she? XD

    It seemed to be a rather short and insignificant route connecting the two cities.
    Well....

    The three went and found a bench close enough to observe the crowd vary their chants from a range of messages such as ‘Go Home Fairies’, ‘No Fairies No’, and ‘We are angry’.
    What a horrific mob XD

    The problem, however, and I stress this particular fact to you, is that it’s not something we’ve added. The truth is we don’t even know where it came from.”
    I call BS!

    “And to appease you, we’ll send each of you a free Lemonade and Premier Ball.”

    At once the majority of the crowd cheered, and despite Whitney’s protests that nothing was going to be fixed this way it began to disperse.
    Well, at least they're easily calmed down. And a free lemonade and Premier Ball would totally make it worth it.

    “Of course you don’t, you’re not an Important Character,” Whitney said with a hint of pride. “Us Gym Leaders, we’re privy to special knowledge."
    And you're modest, too.

    Elliot yelled out, but when the fog dissipated it stood there appearing rather unmoved by the attack, save for what Elliot thought looked rather like a small smirk.
    Ooh, Marill's a cheeky one~

    “Be...be careful!”
    I think you need a space before the second "be".

    “A Gardevoir, I think,” Sam replied.
    I KNEW IT.


    I, too, had forgotten about Game Freak's headquarters being in Celadon until you had mentioned it. It's just one of those seemingly-small details that slips my mind, yet proves applicable in stories like this. I thought that this was a fun read; the Gardevoir brought in a whole slew of new questions, and the cliffhanger at the end was glorious. Can't wait to read the next chapter


    My fic, Drowning.
    Cye of the Torrent is my bishie.
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astinus View Post
    Well, good thing I remembered your story and decided to read through your update before you posted the next part!
    Good indeed, I suppose!
    Until the four arrived in Celadon, I completely forgot that Game Freak's headquarters were there. You made good use of their presence in the games, since they mention working on the coding and even the game's storyline as it's happening. That goes along with what I like about this fic: you made qualities about the game normal and the world real. Like the Update being an earthquake, Whitney remembering her life before HG/SS mechanics were introduced. Even the free Lemonade to appease the rioting masses! Just things like that.
    I always liked how Game Freak staff were in the games, seemed neat to me. Canon fourth wall breakage? =p

    Nice to hear that as wacky as I'm making things at times it doesn't seem too over the top for the story.

    Sam, Elliot, and Brooke are another sign of this. They're three NPCs (now that we know Sam's backstory) and yet you broke them out of their basic Roles and made them interesting characters. I have to say Brooke is quickly becoming my favorite of the trio. She won me over with her "I want an Eevee" line. Plus her relationship with Elliot is fun to read, as she deals with his reactions to the Update and the change in the world they thought they knew.
    I think Brooke was the most fun for me to write about out of the three. Whitney beats them all however in that regard. =p
    One weird mechanical thing I noticed towards the end of the chapter:
    You used "Dragonite" three times in two sentences, particularly the last one. It's just something I noticed. Especially when I'm writing and notice that I'm repeating words, you're the one that comes to mind who would point out the repetition!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fGFjoeyc6I&t=0m19s

    Ah well, I'll fix that one, haha.
    The story's getting interesting with a little bit of dramatic cliffhanger, while still keeping your brand of humor. That Gardevoir sure has some mysteries, but it seems like all Gardevoir do. Looking forward to the next part, mate!
    Gardevoir are too darn mysterious. Maybe that's why I keep writing about them... Thanks again for the review! =D
    Quote Originally Posted by starliteevee View Post
    Flattering whoever I'm reviewing is something I try to do before I go over reading the story :V
    I'll take that.
    True, I suppose. Well, if you ever want/need someone to review your works, I'll be happy to
    But I always want people to review stuff. =p
    Also, I looked up Whitney's gym, and you were right.
    Probably should have linked that myself, haha.
    Awww. *Gives Sam a hug*
    Life is tough as a boring NPC.
    I find Elliot's concern for his Pokémon's feelings really heartwarming ^_^
    That'll make up for the previous bit then, haha.
    I think you need a comma between "them" and "Whitney." It might be right, but it just feels really run-on without it.
    Fair enough!
    Whitney just can't catch a break, can she? XD
    And then everything was fairies.
    Good catch - it was exactly what I was thinking when writing that part, haha.
    What a horrific mob XD
    They had limited time for the signs.
    I call BS!
    Do you, now? :V
    Well, at least they're easily calmed down. And a free lemonade and Premier Ball would totally make it worth it.
    I remember how there's often an NPC telling you about the chance of getting a free Lemonade from a vending machine. I imagine every NPC gets excited about that piece of news. Especially those who don't 'live' near one, which is nearly everyone.
    Ooh, Marill's a cheeky one~
    Marill cares not for dragons. Well, as long as they keep using Dragon type moves, anyway.
    I think you need a space before the second "be".
    Yep, I do.
    I, too, had forgotten about Game Freak's headquarters being in Celadon until you had mentioned it. It's just one of those seemingly-small details that slips my mind, yet proves applicable in stories like this. I thought that this was a fun read; the Gardevoir brought in a whole slew of new questions, and the cliffhanger at the end was glorious. Can't wait to read the next chapter
    It didn't slip my mind, but then to be fair I remember too darn much about the original games, and HGSS is pretty similar to it as well. =(

    Thanks again to the both of you for the reviews! And the next chapter is in the next post, for sake of cleanliness! Full of too much dialogue but oh well.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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  10. #10
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    ***

    The fuzzy sensation ended abruptly. Before Elliot had a chance to embrace a return to his physical body, gravity took over. He fell a couple feet and landed heavily on the floor.

    “Oof,” he managed, and tried to breathe slowly as he got to his feet. It felt for a moment as though his stomach had been left behind. Two other loud thumps confirmed that Brooke and Sam had arrived nearby, and upon noticing them Elliot rushed over to Brooke.

    “You alright?” he asked. She grinned back.

    “Yeah, I think so. That was kinda fun!” she said. Elliot was about to retort with how it had been anything but, and then realised that it had been... exhilarating. He then noticed his Marill jumping about at his feet; it seemed to have also enjoyed the experience.

    “Man, never been Teleported before,” Sam said, brushing some dust off his clothes. “But where are we?”

    They looked around. “Inside some building... lots of computers about,” Elliot muttered. “This isn’t a Pokémon Centre.”

    “Reckon this might be the mansion Game Freak live in?” Brooke asked.

    The appearance of a couple of people, one the very person that had addressed them and the crowd earlier the day, confirmed this hypothesis. They stopped in their tracks upon noticing the group and immediately tensed.

    “It’s okay!” Sam shouted quickly, motioning with his hands that they didn’t mean harm. “We were just, uh, teleported here by a Gardevoir... gosh, this sounds odd, and really we’re not quite sure what’s going on.”

    “Ah,” said one of the men, relaxing. “It’s okay, I think I can guess. You got caught up in the fighting outside so that Gardevoir must have decided to send you to safety. Although you really should have sent them to the Pokémon Centre instead, but your call.”

    “Ah... that Gardevoir? Sent them?” Brooke asked, confused by the latter half of the response. She then turned around and jumped, noticing the Pokémon standing right behind them. “Ah!”

    Hello, it said to them telepathically. It sounded slightly amused about the reaction. Brooke waved back uncertainly.

    “H-hello.” She then quickly forgot her surprise, stepping forward slowly and examining their saviour. “Man, you must be a Psychic type then, right?”

    “Psychic and Fairy, now,” the second of the Game Freak staff corrected. “Gardevoir is one of the species to gain the new typing from this Update.”

    “This Update...” Elliot echoed. “So that means there have been others, although they haven’t actually... happened in the end. Right?”

    The man nodded slowly. “Yes, you would be correct...” He looked at Elliot, as if he wanted to ask how he had heard of the idea. “There have been other Updates, but we had quickly removed them before. This one however... it snuck up on us, and now we’ve decided to let the Update stay, basically, for a few reasons. For starters-”

    Suddenly a high-pitched squeal was emitted from around the corner, interrupting the explanation. A moment later the source revealed itself, happily clutching a pink, four-legged creature.

    It was Whitney.

    “Oh, there you are,” Brooke said. “What Pokémon is that?” she asked, peering at the ribboned Pokémon.

    “Oh, hi there!” Whitney beamed at the three, not in the least bit fussed about how they had gotten here themselves. She held up the creature she was holding. “This is a Sylveon and it is the cutest thing ever I mean look at it it is so darn CUTE and I’m going to give it a bow tie and...” Here Whitney got distracted, deciding to hug the Pokémon instead of explaining how she got the Pokémon or where it came from. Her speech was promptly reduced to squeals of happiness.

    “Uh... okay then,” Sam said at length. At that point, a loud bang emitted from downstairs. One of the Game Freak staff ran off to investigate, while the one who had spoken to the crowd earlier sighed and pointed at the Gym Leader.

    “I suppose she told you about Updates then, so that answers that. But anyway. Whitney came earlier to get an Eevee from the man who lives upstairs, even if he’s not actually giving them out normally to Trainers, or even the Protagonist. That Role currently belongs to another who lives in Goldenrod,” he added, rolling his eyes at Whitney. He then continued his explanation, as if he was reading from a textbook. “But since the Update, one had evolved into a new Eeveelution, that Sylveon. I stress that this is a brand new Pokémon, and it also happens to be a Fairy type.”

    “So... you’re okay with that?” Elliot asked her slowly. Whitney stared.

    “What a stupid question – of course I’m fine with the Fairy type now! I mean... just look at it!” She held up the Pokémon, and it gave a small, soft cry on cue. “Sure, I'll need to change some things at the Gym, but how can something this cute be bad?”

    “It is pretty cute,” Brooke admitted, finding herself fawning over the Pokémon as well.

    “I’m going to call him Biscuit,” Whitney declared.

    The staff member coughed. “Well, anyway... a previous Update would have brought new Pokémon as well, and back then we didn’t feel comfortable about preventing such Updates from being implemented into the Game. This one caught us by surprise however, and some of these new Pokémon had already arrived by the time we realised it had affected the whole world with that tremor, including that Sylveon. So if we reversed the Update...”

    “...Then you’d be removing Pokémon which already exist?” Brooke gulped. Elliot stared at the Sylveon. Being currently stuck in a different city, even for the very first time in one’s life, did pale in comparison to whether you would exist or not.

    “So you can begin to see why we’re keeping it, at least in part.”

    “And nobody’s going to make you go away, are they, Mr. Biscuit?” Whitney continued to the Pokémon.

    “Why not tell that to everyone earlier today?” Sam asked. “I mean, that certainly would have put a lot of things into perspective.”

    “Well, we only found out about that after our talk, so great are the number of changes to the code. And there’s a lot of other reasons we held off initially as well that we couldn’t so easily explain, or would be accepted so readily. To start with, without Updates, the world has just stagnated. Nothing’s really changed. You have to do the same thing in keeping to your Roles, despite the lack of any action from the Protagonist for years.” Brooke vigorously nodded her agreement with this. “Updates, however, will bring new things for the world. Not all of them will be necessarily good, but it certainly will be... well, different. And that could provide new meaning to many Roles. The good Professor Oak for example, he’d have new things to discover suddenly. Basically, just like how Pokémon can evolve, it may be time to let the world evolve as well.”

    And if you’ll allow me to interject, said the Gardevoir to the group, the new Fairy typing in particular is... amazing. Perhaps I have some bias, but it’s like a new power has awoken in me. And I believe that is a common feeling among us all.

    “Hmm, so maybe that’s why my Marill seemed happier and eager to battle that much larger Dragonite then… is that right, Marill?” he asked. His Pokémon nodded eagerly, while Gardevoir slowly frowned.

    And I’m not going to let some arrogant trainers take this away because they don’t like the idea of a new type.

    “Ah yes, the present problem,” said the Game Freak member. “Basically, it seems a group of Dragon trainers have not been so easily calmed by our compensation of a Lemonade and dislike that there’s now something that is completely immune to Dragon type attacks. So naturally they voiced their concerns by laying siege to this place... I’m afraid they want the Update reversed, or else. Luckily we had requested a number of Fairy types to come here earlier so we could try and understand their type better. Some of these belonged to local trainers while others just lived nearby in the wild, and Whitney did allow some of her Pokémon to assist us too, while she herself got, uh... distracted.” He again looked at the oblivious Gym Leader.

    “They are members of the Dragon’s Den,” Sam said quietly. “I was trying to get into that group, and I remember seeing the guy we encountered earlier.” He scratched his head. “I didn’t think they were into stuff like that... but I didn’t see that many of them, so maybe it’s only some of them?”

    “I thought it was them,” he answered. “Well, to be honest I don’t think their actions are too surprising. Everyone got used to the same thing, so something like this would naturally unsettle them – that’s why so many people turned up this afternoon.”

    As if on cue, the large window on the far side of the room shattered. A large Flygon landed and a trainer jumped off from it while she yelled instructions at her Pokémon. It obliged, and fired a beam at one of the computers. The Game Freak member howled and ran to it.

    “Oh god, was that holding important data?” Brooke yelled. The man paused and then shook his head.

    “Oh, no, that’s all right it’s just... my ROM hack was there!” he wailed. Brooke looked at Elliot, asking if he knew what he was screaming about, but Elliot shrugged as he shakily distanced himself from the Flygon. The Gardevoir was not so defensive however, and flew into battle. The air rippled around her arms as she punched out Psychic attacks at the arrival, battering the Pokémon back towards the window in a matter of seconds. But as it seemed that she would be successful in forcing the intruder out, a Dragonair soared through the broken window and introduced itself by whipping its tail into Gardevoir, before landing nearby and slithering towards its target. She bent over before standing up again gingerly. Elliot swore that he could hear the Pokémon mentally hiss at the Dragonair as she sent pulses of energy at her new attacker.

    By then the Flygon had recovered, and suddenly the Gardevoir was fighting two Pokémon at once. Her actions grew more desperate upon the introduction of a third Dragon type – another Dragonite along with a different trainer – and this left her open to a flying punch from the Flygon. As she slumped to the ground the Flygon’s trainer smirked, before instructing it to land a finishing blow. The Ground type walked forward and raised one of its fists, only to reel back as another Pokémon leapt onto its head and scratched viciously with its claws.

    “Back. Off.”

    The two Dragon trainers looked at Sam who glared back in turn, empty Poké Ball in hand. His Gabite jumped off the Flygon and landed in front of the Gardevoir, before growling at the Flygon. It gurgled back, putting a paw over a deep scratch it had received on its neck and limping back a step. The Gardevoir sat up and nodded her thanks to Sam before glowing with Psychic power and teleporting away.

    “The heck is wrong with you!?” yelled Flygon’s trainer. “You have a Dragon type, why aren’t you helping us?”

    “Yeah!” shouted the other. “They’re, like, bad and stuff!”

    “Bad?” Brooke yelled back, calling out her own Pikachu. “I would have thought you were, trying to break everything like that because you can’t handle a new Type!”

    The Flygon trainer spluttered. “Just a new Type? Ha, you say that as if it’s a new... hat!” She took a breath and tried again. “It won’t just unsettle the balance we’ve had, the whole typing system will be affected! And if our Dragon Pokémon, the true mythical beings many legendaries hail from, are to suddenly have this weakness-”

    “Then maybe it’d be a challenge, something to further improve from!” Sam snapped. “I didn’t like the idea myself, that’s true. But that doesn’t make the Pokémon that are now Fairy type bad. They’re the same as before, just able to do new things.”

    “That’s right,” Elliot said at length. He glanced at his Marill who nodded and jumped forward next to the Gabite, assuming a battle-ready stance. He then faced the opponents, whom were now growing in number as more Dragon Pokémon entered the room by exploiting the hole in the building.

    “Things were, in my opinion, quite nice before. This Update brings change, yes, and not all of that is good...” he paused, thinking back to only minutes ago when he was unwilling to step out somewhere different by himself, and before when Whitney had dragged them into a whole new region without even asking. “But I think one can learn from it, no matter who you are. And it's not fair to anyone else to try and keep everything the way you want them to. So we’re going to stop you.” He grinned, unsure quite where this unwarranted confidence was coming from. Maybe it was just sheer adrenaline, or the fact he was for the first time deciding on something important, by himself, outside his Role. Suddenly he no longer felt afraid, particularly with Brooke and Sam by his side.

    “You’re all stupid!” Whitney yelled, suddenly realising what was going on and tearing her attention away from the Sylveon, who had been trying to alert her to the trouble for the last minute. “You’re not going to make this Update go away, I can tell you that!” She tossed out her own Poké Ball, releasing a Miltank. Straightaway it curled up into a ball and rolled rapidly into the Flygon, prompting the battle to resume. Elliot shook his head at her blunt actions and then joined in, shouting instructions to his Marill. It cried and charged forward, latching onto one of the Dragonair and punching it as hard as it could. At first the tide was on his side, but soon the level difference between the three trainers and the Dragon trainers began to tell, with Miltank being the sole Pokémon being able to hold her ground.

    A splitting crash announced the arrival of yet another large Dragonite in the middle of the battlefield, and a woman with striking blue hair jumped off and yelled. So loud was the entrance of the two that the fighting stopped again almost as quickly as it had started, albeit with each Pokémon and trainer on edge and ready to resume it.

    “Right,” began the woman. “I’ve been watching from nearby the last few minutes, and-”

    “Aha, it’s Clair!” one of the Dragon type trainers yelled from behind her, pumping a fist. “The strongest Gym Leader in Johto! She’s going to crush all of you now, just you watch, and then we can get your stupid Fairy types out- oof!” he finished, as Clair turned around and delivered a punch straight to his gut. As he staggered back and the other trainers stepped away from him, Clair looked at him coldly.

    “I don’t like to be interrupted,” she said, before addressing the other Dragon Den members. “As I was saying. I’m astounded that you would go to such an extent to express yourselves like this. To actively destroy part of our world like this because something changes is sheer idiocy.” She paused, as if daring someone to protest this statement. “A new type is nothing to fuss over, and your Dragon Pokémon will manage just fine. Now, get back to the Den, and if any of you dare to act like this again, you’ll answer to me and my Pokémon directly.” She watched the group slowly move out from the building and fly back towards Johto.

    Brooke grinned at Elliot. “She sure stopped them!” she whispered.

    “Yeah, but we didn’t get to faint anything. Could have used those experience points...” Sam muttered, seeming to ignore the fact their Pokémon save for the Miltank were struggling to catch their breath. Elliot knelt down to pick up his Marill, as did Brooke with her Pikachu. Clair meanwhile was now facing the Game Freak member and addressed him.

    “Sorry about that. I came here as soon as I got your phone call. I hope they didn’t do too much damage?”

    The man looked around the room and then shook his head, although he did cast another forlorn glance at his broken computer. “No, I think I can repair it easily enough by replacing the map tiles...” Nobody else seemed to understand his terminology but he didn’t appear to notice. Whitney meanwhile clearly didn’t care about the details and interrupted the two by hugging Clair.

    “You saved the day!” she squealed. Clair looked down at her fellow Gym Leader and raised her arms away from her. Elliot suppressed a giggle at her reaction as she tried to gently move Whitney away. “Of course, my Pokémon would have defeated them anyway!”

    “Yes... of course,” Clair managed, before spying the Sylveon. “Ah. Is that... from the Update then?”

    Whitney nodded eagerly and to Clair’s relief bounded back to the fairy type. “Isn’t he just the cutest?” Clair studied the Pokémon and then smiled slightly.

    “Yeah, I suppose he is. For a Fairy type, anyway,” she teased. She then strode to Sam and nodded slightly. “I also heard what you yelled at those dimwits,” she said. “At least someone had sense. What is your name again?”

    “I’m Sam. Well, I was kinda angry about it initially myself,” he admitted, sheepishly scratching his head.

    “I can attest to that,” Elliot added with a grin. “But he was certainly more accepting about the Update news than those guys... more welcoming of the change.” He then fell silent, musing quietly as he gazed at his contently gurgling Pokémon.

    “Well, sure, I’m sure we all were up in arms to, uh, some degree about it,” Whitney said innocently.

    “Yes,” Clair said. “But well, change is probably something we need to embrace ourselves. And on that note, Sam, I’ll be glad for you to join the Dragon Den group whenever you’d like. You’ve shown to have a sounder mind than that bunch, after all.”

    Sam grinned and eagerly shook her hand. “I’ll accept that invite then, thank you!”

    “Good to hear, Sam,” Clair said. She then regarded the rest of the group and looked at Whitney. “So, did they come with you, Whitney?”

    The Normal-type user gasped and nodded. “Yes, they did. I can take you back to Goldenrod if you wish via the Magnet Train again...”

    Sam shook his head. “Nah, I think I’ll travel around here and make my own way to Blackthorn, do some more training first. Gabite’s not far from evolving, after all. I mean, joining the Dragon’s Den was always a goal of mine,” he said, glancing at Clair, “but I’ve learnt so much from travelling too.”

    “Alright, then I’ll take you two,” Whitney said, turning to Elliot and Brooke.

    “Actually,” Elliot interrupted, as he looked at the Game Freak person. “I know that we have Roles in the game, but...” He paused to swallow some saliva and continued. “With this Update remaining and all, would it be alright to go and... do something different?”

    He nodded. “Yes, if anything I would encourage it. Part of the problem before was that nearly everyone – including us, I suppose - insisted on doing the same thing as before, despite nothing else ever happening in our Game.”

    Elliot then looked at Brooke. “Alright then, I know how much you want to, so... would you like to go travelling? Together, I mean, through Kanto. I mean, I like our spot in Route 35, but you are right, there is a lot to see out there that I’ll-” Before he could finish Brooke had jumped on him and embraced him in a gleeful hug.

    “Well, okay then, that just means more time for with this little cutey!” Whitney said to her Sylveon. Clair rolled her eyes at her fellow Gym Leader.

    “Just, uh, let’s take it slow,” Elliot said to Brooke. “In case more angry trainers with Dragonite chase us or anything. And maybe just some rest in the Pokémon Centre for tonight too.” Brooke laughed as Sam agreed to the latter idea.

    “Sure, as long as we see new sights and experience new things tomorrow,” she remarked. “I suppose this was quite an overload as it was... C’mon, let’s go to the Centre,” she declared, and the three walked to the stairs and departed.





    Clair smiled slightly at the three, while Whitney returned to the Sylveon. “Well, that’s cute of them.” Glancing at the Game Freak employee, she continued, “So, you mentioned that there would be new Pokémon like that Fairy type... but will there any other new Pokémon that will hail from the Dragon type?”

    “Yes, there is, in fact.” He smiled. “I have to say, all these new Pokémon are certainly the more interesting parts of the Update.”

    “Excellent, I can use that information to get those idiots more favourable of the Update then. They wouldn’t have cared much about a Fairy Type disappearing, but a new Dragon-” Then she paused. “Hang on – one of the more interesting parts? Plural?”

    The man hesitated before he nodded again, albeit more slowly this time. “Well, yes, but... well, I’ll show you.” He walked to a computer and brought up a screen for Clair to see. She squinted at it.

    “Mega stones?”

    “Yes. Although I was surprised at how well giving out free Lemonade made nearly everyone accept my explanation yesterday, I don’t think it’s going to work as well again...”

    ***





    And that concludes it! Yaaaaaay. I hope you enjoyed it; do let me know if so (or otherwise).

    Thanks again to Jess for beta reading this!
    Last edited by bobandbill; 8th June 2014 at 5:10 AM.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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    Previous Article: Dude, where's my Game Corner? Learn why you can't gamble in ORAS. =(
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  11. #11
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    I'm excited to see how Elliot's adventure will end!

    Before Elliot had a chance to embrace a return to his physical body, gravity took over. He fell a couple feet and landed heavily on the floor.
    Gravity is indeed a harsh mistress.

    “We were just, uh, teleported here by a Gardevoir... gosh, this sounds odd, and really we’re not quite sure what’s going on.”
    You're just digging yourself deeper, Sam.

    “H...hello.”
    You need a space before "hello."

    “...Then you’d be removing Pokémon which already exist?” Brooke gulped. Elliot stared at the Sylveon. Being currently stuck in a different city, even for the very first time in one’s life, did pale in comparison to whether you would exist or not.

    “So you can begin to see why we’re keeping it, at least in part.”
    Okay, I can sympathize with the Game Freak staff now.

    “Well, we only found out about that after our talk, so great are the number of changes to the code. And there’s a lot of other reasons we held off initially as well that we couldn’t so easily explain, or would be accepted so readily. To start with, without Updates, the world has just stagnated. Nothing’s really changed. You have to do the same thing in keeping to your Roles, despite the lack of any action from the Protagonist for years.” Brooke vigorously nodded her agreement with this. “Updates, however, will bring new things for the world. Not all of them will be necessarily good, but it certainly will be... well, different. And that could provide new meaning to many Roles. The good Professor Oak for example, he’d have new things to discover suddenly. Basically, just like how Pokémon can evolve, it may be time to let the world evolve as well.”
    I really like this paragraph, as it puts so much into perspective and confirms a lot of things that I'm sure people wonder about. I can't really explain it, but I do think that this paragraph is a good confirmation (even if it's just your interpretation) of how people in the games really are and how "life" is for them.

    "Basically, it seems a group of Dragon trainers have not been so easily calmed by our compensation of a Lemonade and dislike that there’s now something that is completely immune to Dragon type attacks."
    Who WOULDN'T be calmed by a Lemonade?

    “Oh, no, that’s all right it’s just... my ROM hack was there!” he wailed.
    Serves you right!

    Maybe it just sheer adrenaline, or the fact he was for the first time deciding on something important, by himself, outside his Role.
    You're missing a word between "it" and "just".

    At first the tide was on his side, but soon the level difference between the three trainers and the Dragon trainers began to tell, with Miltank being the sole Pokémon being able to hold her ground.
    That's no surprise, since Miltank is a monster.

    Elliot then looked at Brooke. “Alright then, I know how much you want to, so... would you like to go travelling? Together, I mean, through Kanto. I mean, I like our spot in Route 35, but you are right, there is a lot to see out there that I’ll-” Before he could finish Brooke had jumped on him and embraced him in a gleeful hug.
    This was just really heartwarming and sweet ^_^

    “Mega stones?”

    “Yes. Although I was surprised at how well giving out free Lemonade made nearly everyone accept my explanation yesterday, I don’t think it’s going to work as well again...”
    Oh boy XD

    I was wondering how well the Dragon Den would fare with hearing that the new dragon types are the Goomy line, but maybe they'll just join the Cult of Goomy!

    And that concludes it! Yaaaaaay. I hope you enjoyed it; do let me know if so (or otherwise).
    I enjoyed it very much Your writing is captivating and this was a heartwarming fun, easygoing three-shot that was a joy to read. I don't have much to say about it apart from previous mentions, but I do look forward to your other works and am happy that I got to read and review a piece as enjoyable as this.


    My fic, Drowning.
    Cye of the Torrent is my bishie.
    Credit to Sketchie of Coronet Designs

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by starliteevee View Post
    I'm excited to see how Elliot's adventure will end!
    Same here!...wait, what?
    Gravity is indeed a harsh mistress.
    And an angry one.
    You're just digging yourself deeper, Sam.
    To be fair, it'd be hard for him to explain it, haha.
    You need a space before "hello."
    I was unsure about this because I more wanted this to sound rather quick and 'together', for lack of a better word...

    ...so I went with a hyphen instead. :V
    Okay, I can sympathize with the Game Freak staff now.
    And they don't even get paid! But then again, they do live in a mansion here...
    I really like this paragraph, as it puts so much into perspective and confirms a lot of things that I'm sure people wonder about. I can't really explain it, but I do think that this paragraph is a good confirmation (even if it's just your interpretation) of how people in the games really are and how "life" is for them.
    Who WOULDN'T be calmed by a Lemonade?
    Dragon trainers. =p
    You're missing a word between "it" and "just".
    Whoops, that'll teach me to make last minute edits.
    That's no surprise, since Miltank is a monster.
    Canon.
    This was just really heartwarming and sweet ^_^
    Ah, that's good to hear, was hoping parts like that would turn out alright.
    Oh boy XD

    I was wondering how well the Dragon Den would fare with hearing that the new dragon types are the Goomy line, but maybe they'll just join the Cult of Goomy!
    Arguably a 6th gen update would also include gen 5 Pokés as well. They just should go hugging Goomy is all, haha.
    I enjoyed it very much Your writing is captivating and this was a heartwarming fun, easygoing three-shot that was a joy to read. I don't have much to say about it apart from previous mentions, but I do look forward to your other works and am happy that I got to read and review a piece as enjoyable as this.
    Thanks a lot, especially for reviewing each part of the fic! Hopefully other stuff I do down the line will also entertain.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

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    I gotta say starting from the beginning, it was very interesting. It was absolutely fun to see all the shenanigans that ensued from Fairy-types. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing with Whitney's dragging, all the comedy and the absolute chaos of one type. I wish I could say more than just a stupid paragraph because I don't like giving anything non-constructive, but I have nothing else to say than great job. And the possible shenanigans from Mega Stones. XP
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCharredDragon View Post
    I gotta say starting from the beginning, it was very interesting. It was absolutely fun to see all the shenanigans that ensued from Fairy-types. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing with Whitney's dragging, all the comedy and the absolute chaos of one type. I wish I could say more than just a stupid paragraph because I don't like giving anything non-constructive, but I have nothing else to say than great job. And the possible shenanigans from Mega Stones. XP
    A paragraph is better than no paragraph at all imo! ;p

    Thanks for it, nice to hear that you enjoyed it.

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    Wow... this story is brilliant. YOU are brilliant!

    In a lot of ways, it reminds of Wreck it Ralph... Was that your inspiration? Meh, might not be, but this story is definitely deserving of praise. Praise worthy of your fics!
    Also, if you don't mind, I've got a few ideas you can mess around with, (we all love some small tidbits of ideas don't we! )

    -Now that the update is out, will Red somehow return?
    -One word/name. Lance. (I'm pretty sure you already have that figured out. :P)
    -Will the protagonist ever return? Maybe out of sheer boredom?
    -New legendaries, new conflicts.
    -and last but not least, every good story needs cake. Don't know why, but then again, why not? :P

    And once again, I have to say, this story is quite the impressive one. I really,really, sincerely, and really (again) hope you continue this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garch0mp0utrage View Post
    Wow... this story is brilliant. YOU are brilliant!

    In a lot of ways, it reminds of Wreck it Ralph... Was that your inspiration? Meh, might not be, but this story is definitely deserving of praise. Praise worthy of your fics!
    Thank you. Any particular part/aspect that you liked about it?

    Wreck it Ralph wasn't an inspiration to begin with, but as I formed the idea the parallels between it and the fic certainly occurred to me. It more happened by itself though, rather than being an intended outcome. No bad thing I suppose, I rather liked that movie.
    Also, if you don't mind, I've got a few ideas you can mess around with, (we all love some small tidbits of ideas don't we! )

    -Now that the update is out, will Red somehow return?
    -One word/name. Lance. (I'm pretty sure you already have that figured out. :P)
    -Will the protagonist ever return? Maybe out of sheer boredom?
    -New legendaries, new conflicts.
    -and last but not least, every good story needs cake. Don't know why, but then again, why not? :P

    And once again, I have to say, this story is quite the impressive one. I really,really, sincerely, and really (again) hope you continue this.
    That is a lot of ideas! Thing is, even if I do continue this story one way or another (and if that happens it would be likely as an off-shoot), it wouldn't be the next thing I write. I'll admit that other ideas have been tempting; for example, I had a moment when I thought 'man I should have had the nurse join them too, and then she can go on her own adventure with the chansey', but I am in the middle of another fic that also interests me, and probably should be worked on first. I guess all I can say is that if you liked this that much, then maybe keep an eye on a new fic instead of holding out for an addition to this - for all intents and purposes Elliot's tale has finished for me.

    That said, comments on your ideas:
    - Red doing something again didn't occur to me as a possible off-shoot. But I don't think he would. In my mind, he is the protagonist, and the game is effectively disbanded by whoever was playing it, so hence he wouldn't be able to do anything. Also in my mind when writing this, he never really had a personality or character to begin with, but was more of a blank slate.
    - I suppose Lance might have similar views to Clair about fairy types.
    - New legendaries, oh dear. XD Poor Kanto/Johto.
    - If you like cake then I have plenty of pastries in my Colosseum parody fic. =p I'm not even joking.

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    i'm months late but whatever

    I really like how you explored the whole idea of Roles and Updates in this game, seamlessly integrating the fact that Game Freak is in the games in the process. I find it funny that it's a parody in two ways: it parodies the continuously updating feature of Pokemon that trainers just seem to accept as each generation goes by [ie. a trainer suddenly realizing that his Alakazam's Fire Punch is now damn weak], and it also parodies how Smogonthe fandom in general reacts to these kinds of changes. You also don't hold back with the humor that made TRoPC such an enjoyable read, since there was a lot of it here.

    I'm also digging how you capitalize on the monotony of NPC's lives and their desire to break away from it [or be against its breaking away], since exploring the stories of NPCs who only have like two or three lines in a game is one of the things I'm really interested in recently, in terms of Pokemon Fanfics [which you will know after Thursday =)) ]. The contrast between Brooke and Elliot was fun to watch, and making Sam both a more mature figure they [or, at least, Brooke] look up to and a foil to both characters' weak points makes the trio really interesting to follow.

    That being said, there were some parts of your story where the plot seemed to move a bit too seamlessly, such as this one:

    Sam glared at him intensely for a few moments, before letting him go. “Well, I guess you’re telling the truth,” he said roughly. “But then what’s wrong with your Marill?”
    This could have used a couple more exchanges and some reactions to flesh out their personalities even further. I would think that someone as proud as Sam wouldn't let Elliot slide off that easily, and I would imagine that Elliot would be more defensive about his Marill, seeing as it's one of the very few things he possesses.

    I would've also wanted to see more out of Elliot and Brooke's dynamic as boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't mean things like love triangles with Sam or PDA stuff, but more of how much [or little] they understand each other as trainers and as significant others. There's some of that with the contrast between the adventurous Brooke and the play-it-safe Elliot, but you could easily have that contrast between friends. If it weren't for the ending, I wouldn't have remembered that it was established in the start that they were boyfriend-girlfriend, and since it's canon [I believe their in-game dialogue mentions this?], it could've been more integrated into the story.

    Also, not a criticism at all, but I didn't catch who Sam is supposedly referring to. I'm trying to think of all the prominent Dragon-type trainers in the games and the only male NPC that comes to mind is the rematch of Lance. I also thought Sycamore but Augustine is such a far name from Sam so XD

    All in all though, this is a really nice story. It's very compact, in that everything seems to fall in to place, but it has enough playfulness and humor to stray away from it being too perfect. Great job, bobandbill!


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    I really enjoyed this! As I was reading this, I found that it really could be used as a satire of the fanbase a year ago with all of the rumors about the Fairy Type. Even though this particular story is over, I think that you have tons of sequels/spinoff stories that are possible; you've probably thought of them too, with the Mega Pokemon easter egg in there.

    Also, I really enjoyed your use of NPCs and everyone having a role.

    Seeing some of the other comments too, maybe I should go check out your Colosseum fic next!
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  19. #19
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    Woooo more reviews!
    Quote Originally Posted by Dramatic Melody View Post
    i'm months late but whatever
    Better late than never! ;p
    I really like how you explored the whole idea of Roles and Updates in this game, seamlessly integrating the fact that Game Freak is in the games in the process. I find it funny that it's a parody in two ways: it parodies the continuously updating feature of Pokemon that trainers just seem to accept as each generation goes by [ie. a trainer suddenly realizing that his Alakazam's Fire Punch is now damn weak], and it also parodies how Smogonthe fandom in general reacts to these kinds of changes. You also don't hold back with the humor that made TRoPC such an enjoyable read, since there was a lot of it here.
    I could have thrown more jabs at smogon or the like, to be honest. ;p But that's a neat way to view it I feel, because part of it was from the very beginning meant to be a jab of sorts at people complaining about how stuff changes every gen in some regard, like 'on no ice cream pokemon is terrible game freak have no idea', etc. Wish I was exaggerating too. Sure, they screw up here and there in every game, but that's not indicative of the whole game.
    I'm also digging how you capitalize on the monotony of NPC's lives and their desire to break away from it [or be against its breaking away], since exploring the stories of NPCs who only have like two or three lines in a game is one of the things I'm really interested in recently, in terms of Pokemon Fanfics [which you will know after Thursday =)) ]. The contrast between Brooke and Elliot was fun to watch, and making Sam both a more mature figure they [or, at least, Brooke] look up to and a foil to both characters' weak points makes the trio really interesting to follow.
    I've always liked expanding on NPCs, and I think TRoPC is testament to that, haha.
    That being said, there were some parts of your story where the plot seemed to move a bit too seamlessly, such as this one:
    *quote*
    This could have used a couple more exchanges and some reactions to flesh out their personalities even further. I would think that someone as proud as Sam wouldn't let Elliot slide off that easily, and I would imagine that Elliot would be more defensive about his Marill, seeing as it's one of the very few things he possesses.
    Something for me to consider, I suppose (more so the latter part). I would argue that in such a world, Sam accepting it like that isn't too odd, but maybe that's just for myself. He's grown to accept new events since he started travelling by himself, and probably would have realised at some point that he's more of an exception than a norm. Elliot not knowing why something has just happened like that wouldn't be that odd. But I'll probably edit something at some stage at least to address the second point.
    I would've also wanted to see more out of Elliot and Brooke's dynamic as boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't mean things like love triangles with Sam or PDA stuff, but more of how much [or little] they understand each other as trainers and as significant others. There's some of that with the contrast between the adventurous Brooke and the play-it-safe Elliot, but you could easily have that contrast between friends. If it weren't for the ending, I wouldn't have remembered that it was established in the start that they were boyfriend-girlfriend, and since it's canon [I believe their in-game dialogue mentions this?], it could've been more integrated into the story.
    This I am unsure about though, because of how I viewed their 'canon relationship' (you are indeed right - that's entirely taken from their in-game dialogue). Said dialogue for starters arguably isn't that great - Elliot is all (paraphrasing here) 'I will show you up in front of my girlfriend', then doesn't and whinges about that. Brooke meanwhile is none too impressed and says something along the line of her Pikachu being more reliable than him. Ouch!

    But beyond that, I take the view that their Role was to be girl/boyfriend to each other, which doesn't mean they are programmed to quite have a proper relationship. They're awkward in a sense of having had nothing to do outside of stand in a route and apparently be in a relationship, yet never actually say go out on dates. So the fact they were in a relationship not being touched on much until the end - after they actually go and see a slice of the world, have all that adventure, etc - is purposeful on my part, for better or worse. I... hope that makes sense anyway.
    Also, not a criticism at all, but I didn't catch who Sam is supposedly referring to. I'm trying to think of all the prominent Dragon-type trainers in the games and the only male NPC that comes to mind is the rematch of Lance. I also thought Sycamore but Augustine is such a far name from Sam so XD
    I'm afraid I'm a bit confused as to what part you mean by Sam supposedly referring to - could you be a bit more specific about that, please>
    All in all though, this is a really nice story. It's very compact, in that everything seems to fall in to place, but it has enough playfulness and humor to stray away from it being too perfect. Great job, bobandbill!
    Pretty much what I was going for, so that's great to hear. Thanks for the review, DM!
    Quote Originally Posted by Blaziken10285 View Post
    I really enjoyed this! As I was reading this, I found that it really could be used as a satire of the fanbase a year ago with all of the rumors about the Fairy Type. Even though this particular story is over, I think that you have tons of sequels/spinoff stories that are possible; you've probably thought of them too, with the Mega Pokemon easter egg in there.
    As said to DM, it was indeed (at least partly) a satire or a 'take that' to parts of the fanbase (and then it became more of a story on top of that, haha). And you are right that a bunch of spinoffs or the like are possible, but that is something I'm not likely to look into for a while yet.

    Also, I really enjoyed your use of NPCs and everyone having a role.

    Seeing some of the other comments too, maybe I should go check out your Colosseum fic next!
    I suppose that's also a way to view possible off-shoots - the roles of other characters and how they change (if they do!) after these events. Like what a nurse sick of staying in the centre healing Pokemon in a meaningless way may do, for example.

    And you totally should. No bias from me at all. ;p Be warned that it is a significantly longer read than this, but maybe that can be viewed as a good thing.

    Thanks for the review. =)

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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Something for me to consider, I suppose (more so the latter part). I would argue that in such a world, Sam accepting it like that isn't too odd, but maybe that's just for myself. He's grown to accept new events since he started travelling by himself, and probably would have realised at some point that he's more of an exception than a norm. Elliot not knowing why something has just happened like that wouldn't be that odd. But I'll probably edit something at some stage at least to address the second point.
    I had a feeling that something like this was gonna be your reply, since I considered it after I posted that review. This abruptness meshes in nicely with the idea of Roles, so yeah.


    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    This I am unsure about though, because of how I viewed their 'canon relationship' (you are indeed right - that's entirely taken from their in-game dialogue). Said dialogue for starters arguably isn't that great - Elliot is all (paraphrasing here) 'I will show you up in front of my girlfriend', then doesn't and whinges about that. Brooke meanwhile is none too impressed and says something along the line of her Pikachu being more reliable than him. Ouch!

    But beyond that, I take the view that their Role was to be girl/boyfriend to each other, which doesn't mean they are programmed to quite have a proper relationship. They're awkward in a sense of having had nothing to do outside of stand in a route and apparently be in a relationship, yet never actually say go out on dates. So the fact they were in a relationship not being touched on much until the end - after they actually go and see a slice of the world, have all that adventure, etc - is purposeful on my part, for better or worse. I... hope that makes sense anyway.
    Ah, that makes a lot of sense. I wish it could've been made more apparent, then. While connecting both dots isn't really too hard [their relationship + the idea of Roles], I still think it could've come into play more in the story. Maybe something along the lines of Brooke saying "then we could finally be an actual couple!" or something that sounds better. XD It's a nice concept to tackle, and it can emphasize the Roles and the breaking away from them even more, since it's a dynamic that can easily be explored.


    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    I'm afraid I'm a bit confused as to what part you mean by Sam supposedly referring to - could you be a bit more specific about that, please>
    Was referring to this sentence in the first post:

    For reference, Elliot and Brooke are based on specific NPCs that can be found on Route 35 in the game. Sam... you'll see about him. And I did say this was based on the HGSS games, or maybe just a game. =p
    XD Just out of curiosity, that's all.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Dramatic Melody View Post
    I had a feeling that something like this was gonna be your reply, since I considered it after I posted that review. This abruptness meshes in nicely with the idea of Roles, so yeah.
    I'm glad we agree then! ;p
    Ah, that makes a lot of sense. I wish it could've been made more apparent, then. While connecting both dots isn't really too hard [their relationship + the idea of Roles], I still think it could've come into play more in the story. Maybe something along the lines of Brooke saying "then we could finally be an actual couple!" or something that sounds better. XD It's a nice concept to tackle, and it can emphasize the Roles and the breaking away from them even more, since it's a dynamic that can easily be explored.
    I'll see how I can do that then without breaking the wall too much more. Although "then we could finally be an actual couple!" or "now we can go on a date!" or the like is an amusing idea, haha.
    Was referring to this sentence in the first post:
    For reference, Elliot and Brooke are based on specific NPCs that can be found on Route 35 in the game. Sam... you'll see about him. And I did say this was based on the HGSS games, or maybe just a game. =p
    XD Just out of curiosity, that's all.
    Ah, I see. I thought you were talking about something I said in the story itself, hence my conclusion. In the story, all I say about Sam is that he comes from Blackthorn, and in the game he's one of the NPCs within the town that you cannot battle, just talk to. I actually haven't have a particular one set (but he's not the guy in front of the centre mistaking the radio for voices in his head. =p). So... your choice! There's one in the Centre and a couple in the Mart who qualify btw.

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