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Thread: Will Somebody Stop These Kids?

  1. #51
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Training at Sootopolis City


    That was a close one the three had with those grunts there. Oh ouch over Jen's burn to Derek over him not standing up to his bosses. I don't blame Jen for being tired of him unable to do that. At least that snaps Derek into getting a plan in action. Am looking forward to see if Travis will have to face the possibility if he'll do anything to get his Pokemon in the off chance he meets Russo.

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Apr 2011


    The kids, they have not yet been stopped! But it certainly seems like we're getting to the point where either they will or they'll succeed, which is definitely cool and interesting. I'm loving how more and more people keep turning out to know the secrets that Derek thinks he's kept so carefully. I always like that kind of thing – it reminds me of that old G. K. Chesterton novel with the man trying to infiltrate the anarchist cell who discovers, individual by individual, that almost all his fellow anarchists are also people trying to infiltrate the anarchist cell.

    Ordinarily I'd say this was too minor to be worth pointing out, really, but since the jokes usually work so much better than this I thought I would: that opening, with the contrast between Jason and Jen's current activities, doesn't quite work for me. I think the contrast is meant to be entertaining, but it just seems kind of odd. Maybe it's because the chapter starts with Jen, ducks very briefly away towards Jason and then moves back to her, and that makes it feel like he's being forced in? I think if the chapter began with Jason, like an “At the very moment that Jason was …” kinda thing, then cut away to Jen, it might work better.

    It's interesting to see more of how your version of Team Rocket fits into the wider world, too. There's obviously a huge amount of room for interpretation, with the vagueness of canon, and I have to say I quite like your we're-openly-bad-in-a-deniable-way kinda take on them. Interesting too to have that confrontation between Jen and Derek; it feels like it's been a long time coming, and I think you did a good job of sketching that particular interaction, the way it seems baffling and frustrating to Jen and the way Derek agrees, because of course he does, because he knows and she isn't saying anything he hasn't heard in the privacy of his own head, over and over.

    Then of course you leave us waiting for the execution of the big infiltration plan! Nice way to end the chapter, especially given that there'll be a couple of side chapters before we get to them. I'm not sure I've mentioned it before, but the side chapters are really interesting and not something I've ever seen in this kind of tightly plotted story before – they definitely work, they round out your world and characters really nicely and sometimes act as a good way to build the tension before another plot chapter, but yeah, they're definitely unusual and I don't think I've quite nailed down what I think of them in terms of what they mean to the story yet. I'll let you know if I think of anything, I guess. For now, well! It's always a pleasure, and this chapter was no exception. Definitely looking forward to more.
    80 DAYS
    Jules Verne's got nothing on you.

    Some people just won't see reason.

    If the cover-up is real, it isn't a conspiracy theory. It's a conspiracy fact.


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