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Thread: ~Revolution~(One-shot)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2004

    Default ~Revolution~(One-shot)

    Leave it to me to take what was originally an idea for a horror work and turn it into another one of my dime-a-dozen drama one-shots. >> Yeah, dime-a-dozen—this is my twelfth. Go figure. =/


    The rain was pure, unlike the ground it fell upon.

    It fell in sheets, tearing at the barren landscape with unusual ferocity as an icy gale ripped through the mountains. A cold spell was setting in, and the shower had blown in out of nowhere.

    The shower was neither a true storm, nor a product of my actions. It would have been all too easy to part the clouds and let the sun shed its rays upon the land, but why trade one beauty for another? Either way, I had to admit that I preferred the rain—it isn’t hard to grow attached to something that you’re supposed to care for.

    A smile crossed my face as it occurred to me how tasteful it was to be thinking of rain at a time like this. Usually the sky was in a state of utter chaos, torn by fire and lightning and the clashing of Assault Rays and Legendary blasts. Great airships dominated the heavens while massive fortresses lay dormant below, their deadly cannons ready to strike. Smaller, sleeker craft slashed through the air just above the ground, engaged in an endless pursuit.

    It was not an extermination, or even a hunt, per se. A relentless quest to kill an innocent victim of misfortune…the concept was laughable in this situation. This was a war…one that we had brought upon ourselves.

    With an imbalance of power, only one can stand superior. For centuries now, human intellect has pushed their race farther anyone could have imagined. Their growing dominion over the planet was unmistakable. Though they alone were insignificant, together, they were a force to be reckoned with.

    They had the potential…and in trying to challenge it, we only pushed it farther.

    Humans certainly do strike back when threatened.

    I turned suddenly upon hearing the low hum of engines in the distance. A surveillance mission, no doubt. I would have to move quickly to make it in time. Spreading an immense pair of snowy white wings, I took off into the sky, soaring high over the ravaged landscape below. Trees, animals, humans, Pokémon…cities and forests—all gone. I suppose the pain that the earth had suffered would have been a source of rage before, but not now. Most of it was our doing anyway. I veered off into the midst of the cloud cover, which hid my draconic form from view.

    I soared onward in silence, occasionally dipping beneath the haze to keep track of my location. I knew exactly where I was going, and yet at the same time, I had no idea. I had been there before, but I had only been vaguely told of what I would find this time. Either way, I had to see it for myself.

    A ridge of mountains peaked above the clouds in the distance, and I knew that I was near. Throwing my wings back, I swooped downward in a descending spiral, my keen eyes tracing every inch of the jagged rock face. The signs of battle were evident. Large craters scarred the structure, and the entire crag was charred black.

    And then my eyes caught the faintest glimpse of ginger amongst the ebony ashes.

    It felt as though my breath had been sucked out. My wings flared out as I numbly drifted down to the ground, stirring soot into the air upon my landing. I slowly stepped forward through pools of blood mingled with rainwater, my eyes unable to focus on anything other than what lay before me.

    It was the body of an immense phoenix, his feathers singed in some areas and ripped out completely in others. He lay in a crumpled heap with one side ripped open where the wing had been slashed off. The stench of the blood and innards would have been unbearable if it weren’t raining. Both feet hung limply in the air, but what was the most disturbing was that his neck was twisted back so that his great amber eyes stared listlessly into the distance.

    And yet somehow, my mind couldn’t fully comprehend what I was seeing. I thought that he could still be alive. It wasn’t an irrational hope—I honestly thought there was a chance. It was ridiculous, almost, the amount of carnage our kind could live though. I almost wanted to focus my healing energy around him, but felt almost unable to move or even think straight.

    What had happened? Whose fault had it been? Almost immediately I imagined him as having entered a pointless battle with all odds against him. Being overwhelmed and torn apart…

    Stupid Ho-oh… Stupid humans…

    It was quite immature, but I wasn’t willing to think of it in any other light. Everything was so pointless—the only ones who died were the careless or the enraged.

    I suppose it wasn’t very appropriate to think of his fate in that manner, though. I knew that I would be next—we all would, even the humans. It’s not as if our demise would leave no impact. Countless millennia had not even trained us to wield our responsibility and curse. But in the hands of another, there was no way…

    And then I did something that surprised me: I laughed. It seemed to be the only thing I was capable of doing at that point. It was long and hollow sounding—the sound of something I had forgotten how to do. And when it was done, I swept a wing forward and lifted numerous boulders and stones with my mind, piling them upon the bedraggled body of the great sun phoenix. Flicking a single feather, I manipulated the air so that the rain would not touch the burial mound.

    I spread my wings and bowed my head ceremoniously, saying, <I, the Legendary Johto Bird of the Sea, stand here before the fallen form of the Bird of the Sky, and solemnly swear to avenge his death.> I instantly stood bolt upright and stretched my neck toward the sky, screaming, <The legacy of the Order shall live!>

    My words echoed despite the fact that they were not made with sound. I continued to stare upward, half expecting an answer from the heavens.

    But I was met only with my own voice.

    I glanced downward to gaze upon the mound that I had created, choking as I muttered, <You old fool…>

    I wished that the rain would cease. I wanted to see if the sun was any less bright, or if its life-giving warmth had diminished now that its guardian was dead.

    And yet the downpour continued. By that point I had completely forgotten that I could have cleared the sky in an instant. I simply smirked as I gazed out at the endless horizon. A gathering of aircraft was quickly drawing nearer, their sleek, deadly forms glinting with the rainwater.

    <Unto your kind, our power has been relinquished,> I whispered.

    A single tear slid down my face, immediately obscured by the eternal rain.

    Urk...when I first wrote it, I liked it a lot more than I do now. It does have a lot of theme and symbolism, but...I dunno. Maybe I'm just miffed because I discovered that it's absurdly similar to Scrap's first one-shot.


    The story of an inevitable war, the humans that tried to stop it, and all the reasons their failure was written into the universe itself.

    January 07 Update: CHAPTER 28: “Legendary Revenge” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 29 progress: 7/10 pages

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Omicron Persei 6


    Ahhhh! I'm going to try and find the themes and symbols, I've always sucked at that...


    Rain: Obscurer, protector, last feeble defense against human technology


    Human greed for power will destroy the world?

    Please tell me if there's anything I'm missing or forgot...

    It was a nice little one-shot, I think that it can still use some improvement though. I wasn't too fond of the tone, though. I really could not get the feel of Lugia' know...mystic legendary power. She seemed just like nearly any other pokemon. I've noticed in your one-shots, practically all the pokemon think the same way and we get the same vibe from them all. I think you should vary the tones and the ways of thinking between the different pokemon, so their differences are more established. You seem to have a thing for humans destroying the legendaries XD

    Other than that, I thought it was pretty good. I especially loved your use of rain and describing the war that was going on, I could picture the stormy, violent day very well. Poor Ho-oh, I was very fond of the detail how the smell of her blood and innards. I wish the best for this Lugia, though she'll prolly end up screwed over in the end.

    Sorry for the crappy review XD But I had to give you a reivew after the horrible thing I did to you...
    A Championship Battle
    FINISHED: Johto's top psychic trainer and the granddaughter of an Elite Four member go head to head for the Silver Cup championship. Features underused pokemon including Tropius, Slowking, and my personal favorite, Jynx

    This story is too fleshed out and completed in my head for me not to finish it. I'm determined to finish my first real, fleshed out fiction. And I'll wait until it's done before posting it. Chapters 6/18.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2004


    You seem to make thousands of different story lines along the main story. Not just twelve.

    The end seemed a little strange to me, as if something had changed Lugia. Not emotionally, but more of the writing style. I dunno. I seemed a litle confusing as to what she was talking about or to.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    On a Mars bar. :)


    ...I really have to read the Legendary chronicles... XD

    That was a really nice, sad oneshot! I loved, like Iceking, how you described the rain, and Ho-ohs dead body... So sad. ;_;

    The ideas you have were really well portrayed, I especially liked the emotion you gave lugia. A brilliant job...

    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine

    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Michiyashi Village


    Well Chibi you have done it again. Great One-shot. I actually liked the feeling of this. To me it kinda felt a little depressing, then at the end felt like angerish stuffs. I don't know. I write not review. Oh wait other way around. I do review. Anyway, liked it lots. I didn't find any mistakes. It seems everyone is proofing more then they used to. Curses!!!
    jirachiman out
    Yes people, I have returned.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005


    Poor Ho-oh... ;-;

    That was a lovely, tragic piece there. Hard for me to describe all that Lugia managed to convey there; it seemed fairly complex and multifaceted - great work there. ^^ I did get kind of a sense of obsoletion coming through that character and woven into the fabric of the story itself, but I don't know whether that was one of the true themes of the story or not. The setting and everything else about this story was nicely described, from the lovelier things such as the rain to the more gruesome aspects, namely the ravaged corpse of Ho-oh.

    Favorite excerpts:

    It would have been all too easy to part the clouds and let the sun shed its rays upon the land, but why trade one beauty for another?
    That is an exceedingly pretty line, and I just love the thought it conveys.

    It was the body of an immense phoenix, his feathers singed in some areas and ripped out completely in others. He lay in a crumpled heap with one side ripped open where the wing had been slashed off. The stench of the blood and innards would have been unbearable if it weren’t raining. Both feet hung limply in the air, but what was the most disturbing was that his neck was twisted back so that his great amber eyes stared listlessly into the distance.
    As I mentioned, the fallen Ho-oh is presented very well, in a way that's very easy to visualize.

    <Unto your kind, our power has been relinquished,> I whispered.

    A single tear slid down my face, immediately obscured by the eternal rain.
    Two beautiful and very sad lines there. A good, strong note to which to end. ^^

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2006


    Chibi, your description skills were just wonderful here. This was a rare time when I didn't read the story, but saw the story. All the movements and the scenery were described in a way that I could see it all.

    The rain also just washes away the dirty blood of the deed. While the sun, the thing in the sky that gives light and makes people happy, hides behind the rain. Don't mind me. Just spouting what's on my mind.

    Glad I could finally read a one-shot of yours. Nothing more to say that wasn't already

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    I'm appalled by your stupidity


    Wonderfully poignant, I'd have to say.

    The emotions of Lugia were so well portrayed, that the reader can actually feel it. Rage. Anger. Pain. All perfectly blended as one. Just one question though: Ho-oh's supposed to be based on the phoenix, so wouldn't it be able to reincarnate if it was dead or something?

    Anyway, impressive one-shot. Great addition to the LC. Kudos to you for both of these.


  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    In my mind




    I think this is the only one- shot of yours I haven't replied to yet. :P *goes off frantically to see if there's more*

    Edit: Mystic recarnation phoenixes have no part of LC. :3 [/whatIthinkChibiwouldreply]

    Edit: ...what I MEANT was that this was only only one I haven't seen. :P
    Last edited by Zephyr Soul; 15th July 2006 at 3:36 AM.
    Sig is currently blank.

    ...because I haven't posted in months and have nothing to say.

    On another note, there's a slight chance I might be posting... eventually.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Where no one can find me...


    Been a while since I've read something by you, Chibi-san. =) I probably should not have read this while I was distracted though. XP

    Pretty and sad, I liked the idea of humans challenging the Legendaries. (Though you're right, it does remind me of Scrap's One-Shot.) Some lovely description, particularly of the dead Ho-Oh.

    It was a bit confusing though, how Lugia said that they would avenge Ho-Oh's death, but in the end said that the Legendaries' power had been relinquished. Which was it?

    Anyway, it was very good, though it could do with some more clarity. Or maybe that's the point, how the rain obscures the truth... *rambling nonsense*

    Uh, yeah. That's my crappy review. *flees*

    epona, epona, soba ni oide,
    futari de ireba, kanashiku nanka nai
    dakara, epona, koko ni ite
    watashi no uta wo kiiteite ne

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