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Thread: Private Emotions (contestshipping)

  1. #101

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    Wow, this thread hasn't been closed yet? Yay!

    OMG the next chapter is actually up! And I've started the 8th chapter, and the next chapter of my other fic. Am I sick? I dunno, but make as much of it as you can!

    Anyway, this chap is slightly longer than the others, but still quite short. Sorry! I'm trying to make them longer, I promise!

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    Chapter 7 Revelations

    Drew opened his eyes and rubbed a hand across May’s smooth jaw bone. ‘Err, looks like I don’t need this yet,’ sheepishly he put the razor down.

    The others gave him strange looks, accompanied by a strange loud rumbling noise. Ash grinned. ‘Anyone else hungry?’

    ‘But Ash, we just ate!’

    ***

    May laid back in bliss. Around her, women excitedly did their work. A blonde was giving her a manicure, a pretty redhead giving her a pedicure, a curvy brunette massaging her shoulders, and all the rest of the stores female employees standing around gaping and giggling.

    May smiled, oblivious to the whispers.

    ‘Oh my god, it’s like, THE Drew!’

    ‘He must be like, so brave, no guys ever come in here!’

    ‘Yeah, look at him he’s like, so sweet and sensitive.’

    ‘I love that in a guy.

    ‘What did he say he was doing here again?’

    ‘Shopping for his mom!’

    ‘Awwwwwwww!’

    ‘Wait, his mom?’

    One of the girls stepped forward looking suspicious. ‘But THE Drew doesn’t have a mom.’

    ‘Huh?’ May took the slices of cucumber off her eyes and looked up at the woman in confusion.

    ‘I thought you didn’t have a mom,’ the woman continued.

    ‘Oh, uh…’ The girls were all staring at her now, waiting for an explanation.

    ‘Your mom died when you were really young, right?’

    The news shocked May, but she didn’t show it. Instead she tried to find a way to get the girls off her back.

    She lowered her head, Drew’s long hair casting a shadow over her eyes. ‘I’d rather not talk about it.’

    She sounded so convincingly upset that the girls all dropped the subject with another “awww” and started fussing about how sweet he was again.

    The woman who had first pointed out that he had no mother was shoved out of the way. She glared at the crowd, still unconvinced and angry that she hadn’t got a proper answer. She threw her head up with a ‘humph’ and walked away.

    May sat there quietly. She had never known Drew’s mom died when he was young, and she couldn’t help but feel a lot of sympathy for him.

    ***

    Drew, Ash, Brock and Max were all sitting inside a little café. The waitress came over with a little notepad to take their orders, and after everyone had restrained Ash from ordering the whole menu, it was Drew’s turn to choose.

    ‘I’ll take a coffee please.’

    The others all stared at him, mouths open. ‘But May, you hate coffee.’

    Drew shrugged. ‘But you said you couldn’t stand the taste or the smell,’ Brock added.

    Drew shrugged again. ‘Yeah, well…’

    ‘And you said you didn’t even like to look at it, and that you would kill any of us if we drank it in front of you, or if you could smell it on our breath, and...’

    ‘Yes, alright! So I changed my mind, big deal.’ Drew glared at Ash and immediately the other boy shut up.

    ‘Okay…’ Ash backed off deciding it was probably “ladies problems” again. ‘Ok, so what else do you want?’

    ‘Just coffee.’

    Drew looked up to see them all gaping at him again. ‘What?’

    ‘May, are you feeling Ok?’

    ‘Yeah, you’re never not hungry.’

    Drew felt his eye twitch. Was May some kind of wailord or were these guys trying to fatten her up or something? Why was she expected to eat so much? Inside Drew smirked. Now I know how she got these great curves…

    Ash suddenly leaned closer. ‘Come on May, how about a muffin or a scone or a…’

    Drew frowned. Who did this guy think he, May’s boyfriend…?

    Suddenly Drew felt his gut twist. Maybe this guy was May’s boyfriend. It would make sense, they were similar ages, they travelled together and were always seen with one another. May always seemed so friendly towards Ash… now that Drew thought about it, maybe too friendly...

    A strange disliking for Ash was bubbling up inside him, he hated the way he was sitting so close, and the way he was smiling. Wait, thought Drew, am I…jealous?

    Drew tried to dismiss it, why on earth would he be jealous? Just because this guy spent every moment with May, just because he was able to have a normal conversation with her, just because he slept in the same room as her and when he woke up she would be one of the first things he saw, this was absolutely no reason for Drew to feel jealous, right?

    Oh God, I’m jealous.

    Drew’s mind drifted away from the mental battle that was going on, only to find Ash still listing all the cakes and snacks the café sold. Again Drew felt his eye twitch in annoyance.

    ‘I’m not hungry, Ok!?’

    Ash blinked in surprise. Brock chuckled, ‘Wow May, if only you could put as much effort in battling as you do in yelling at Ash.’

    Drew rounded on him. ‘And what’s wrong with my battling?’ He glowed around the table. He turned to Ash, his eyes shining with challenge. ‘I bet I could beat you.’

    Ash snorted uncharmingly. ‘Oh come on May, you know what happened last time you got too cocky.’

    Drew narrowed his eyes. ‘Oh really? Care to prove it if you think you’re that great?’ Drew was fired up. He didn’t know why he wanted to beat Ash so badly, but he just felt the need to put him in his place.

    Ash looked at him as though he was a little girl challenging a big boy to a wrestling match. ‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea…’

    Drew stood up. ‘What’s wrong, afraid you’ll embarrass yourself?’

    Ash also stood up. ‘All right, you’re on!’

    ***

    May skipped along through the pretty little town, the colours of autumn glowing and dancing with her.

    After escaping from the women in the store, May had continued to scower the shops, helping herself to Drew’s cash from time to time.

    Now she bounced down the road, shopping bags swinging at her sides. She hadn’t felt this free since she’d first left Petalburg at the start of her journey. After that she’d always had people around her, Ash, Brock, Max.

    Not that she disliked having people with her, but she got fed up of being the only girl, and not being able to do girly things. It felt so good to be on her own and independent. She could see why Drew always stayed alone.

    She got to the big hotel Drew was staying at. It looked impressive from the outside, and as she stepped through the doors and walked through the lobby she started singing some bouncy song absent-mindedly, Drew’s voice carrying out each word and note perfectly.

    The young receptionist looked up, then shyly looked down again. ‘You sound really good,’ she said softly.

    May stopped and swung round to look at her, ‘huh?’

    ‘You have a really nice voice sir,’ her cheeks grew warm as she dared to look over her computer, and to give her nervous hands something to do she pulled her hair out of its neat ponytail and started redoing it.

    May smiled. ‘You really think so? Thanks!’ She carried on towards the elevator, letting Drew’s voice carry out the beautiful tune. She turned back round as she got to the corner. ‘By the way, you should keep your hair down, it looks good.’

    As May walked out of sight the girl stopped playing with her hair and felt a flattered smile creep onto her lips. At that moment all she could think was THE Drew just complemented me!

    May entered Drew’s room and threw herself on the bed. It was so soft and springy; she couldn’t resist a few bounces.

    As she somersaulted she caught herself in the mirror – and burst out laughing!

    Drew, looking like the sweet, innocent young boy he wasn’t laughed back. It was so bazaar, there was no arrogance in his eyes, no cocky grin. But he was still too neat, too perfect. May broke out of her trance and started ruffling and messing up Drew’s perfect hair, untucking his black shirt, messing up his collar. She took another look in the mirror and smiled. It was about time Drew lightened up.

    ***

    Drew and Ash stood opposite each other, both ready to fight.

    At the side Max and Brock were watching.

    ‘You sure you wanna do this May?’ Ash called over.

    Drew’s eyes flashed. ‘I’ve never been more sure in my life.’

    Brock stood up and raised his arms.

    ‘This is a one on one pokemon battle, no time limit. Get ready…

    ‘Go!’
    Last edited by lara lynx; 19th November 2006 at 9:27 PM.
    Gamer, film fanatic, wannabe animator, concept artist and 3D environment artist, and general nerd




    All contestshippers must go here. And if your not a contestshipper go here anyway.

  2. #102
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    yay! it's an update (i only read this on FF.net until now. :P)

    anyways, this chapter was definitely worth the wait. loved how drew found out he was so jealous. gahahahahahaha!!!!

    wow... i'm looking forward to seeing Drew's reaction at what May has done to his body! lolz.

    i wonder if May's friends will notice "her" different battling style.

    Poor Drew, losing his mom...

    anyways, please put me on the PM list! I'm looking forward to the next chapter!


    click on my banner to go to my CS fic! (no flames!)

  3. #103

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    Thanks for the comments guys ^_^
    Gamer, film fanatic, wannabe animator, concept artist and 3D environment artist, and general nerd




    All contestshippers must go here. And if your not a contestshipper go here anyway.

  4. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by lara lynx View Post
    May sat there quietly. She had never known Drew’s mom died when he was young, and she couldn’t help but feel a lot of sympathy for him.
    Awww, how sweet. A lot of people seem to read Drew as the motherless type of guy.

    I loved how this chapter showed Drew's prideful side. He forgets he's May >3

    The bulk of this chapter seemed to be there for comedy purposes, however, I don't see much plot movement here except for the start of the battle. The suspense does leave the reader hanging for more, meaning that you stopped at the perfect place! Just maybe some more bulk and interaction in the middle of it. I know you're probably busy, maybe more than other people. Whenever you find the time, add and edit and flesh the chapter out.
    If it's possible, make an effort to do this every other day.

    Keep it up!

    HH
    My tumblr or something: x

  5. #105
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    yey!! you update... and as for the long wait, I think the chapter was pretty good!! keep it up! I'm really looking forward to that battle... and I'm kinda worried... what's May gonna do with his hair? o.O

  6. #106

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    Nooooo! May!!! Not the hair!!!! Not.... the hair.... ;_; How could you!? Oh well, just as long as she doesn't dye it. o_o

    This is really interesting! I really like how they switched bodies, though it seems a bit weird for them to keep forgetting and to not really do anything about it.

    Why does everyone make Drew have a bad past relating to his family? Not that it's a bad thing, it makes things more interesting but it's weird how everyone is doing it. xD

    I liked Drew's beauty treatment and all the attention he kept getting.

    This is a lot like Freaky Friday, but contestshipanized! Can't wait to read more! ^^


    ~~Awesomeness~~

  7. #107
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    Drew's...mother died? ; ; That's...sooo...sad. ._.; *shot*

    @ Hullo - Yeah...Not the hair! xP I can just imagine if the REAL Drew sees his hair like that...Then...O____o; And yeah, IF MAY DYES IT I WILL FAINT. xDD;;; Or wait- Drew will faint. =P *shot*

    Haha, Drew's getting jealous! =P
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  8. #108

    Cool new reader here! ^_^

    OOOooo! great fic! you're right, it is like freaky friday. FREAKY!

    Now, time for questions:
    i (like many other people) wonder what will happen so they switch back? is the psychic deer (name escapes me) involved? (<-- dumb question) can it change them back? what's the whole story about drew's mom? how the heck does drew not know that GIRLS DON'T GROW BEARDS!? what's he gonna do when he sees what may did to him? why did may have drew get a kind of makeover? will may's pokemon have a sense that it's not their trainer? will the suspence ever stop?! do you like stars? (ok, that was random)

    questions: all done for now. i have to agree with a lot of people here, the chapters are kind of short. more discription, for example: in the cafe', you could discribe the overall design of it. was it a dark relaxing spot with lots of reds or blues? or was it pretty and preppy with rainbow and hearts? but beleve (bad at spelling) me, i know school can take away time. bad grade in science. *dies from crap coming from teacher* here you go! *gives cookies of sympathy*

    i have to say, my favorite part was when drew was going through may's things and he found the rose. that was so sweet! and me, being the luv crazy GIRL that i am,... squealed in delight... -_-; i luv contestshipping, and you've done a great thing to it. keep up the good work and PM me when you get the next chap up!

    It's been a long time... But it's so good to be back. <3
    Deviantart ID page: TranquilSimplicity
    Life giving you lemons? [Insert witty response here]

  9. #109

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    *Wakes up* Huh, somebody actually came in? Wow, yay! lol

    You'll find out all your answers eventually Teddiursa Fan Forever XP And yeah I know the chapters could use some work, but if I can I might just rewrite everything. After all it was a long time ago that I started writing this, and I have gotten a lot better.

    i have to say, my favorite part was when drew was going through may's things and he found the rose. that was so sweet! and me, being the luv crazy GIRL that i am,... squealed in delight... -_-; i luv contestshipping, and you've done a great thing to it. keep up the good work and PM me when you get the next chap up!
    Thanks, and I loved writing that bit And I'll be sure to add you to my shrinking PM list lol
    Gamer, film fanatic, wannabe animator, concept artist and 3D environment artist, and general nerd




    All contestshippers must go here. And if your not a contestshipper go here anyway.

  10. #110

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    oh, OK, i didn't even see the date on the other posts. and don't worry about me leaving. i don't ever give up on a story unless it gets really bad, sloppy, or just plain boring. doubt that will happen with this one! XD

    It's been a long time... But it's so good to be back. <3
    Deviantart ID page: TranquilSimplicity
    Life giving you lemons? [Insert witty response here]

  11. #111
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    WOWIE!!!! for A BEGINNER, Your a Good Describer!!!!! Your on the way to being a pro fan-fic writer!!! I LoLed at "Rose Boy Returns" said by SATOSHI!!!!!(Glomps) /\/\; :3
    sammy061338known as Aquatic Rose on "http://pkmncommunity.com



    Checklist:
    xMeet Drew&May For a COUPLES Interview.
    xMeet Ash&Misty For The Same.
    xGet Gary To Propose to meeeeeeeeee!!!
    xTorment Advancedshippers

    Lmao Don't Be Stealin My Stuffz Because I Put Itr There First Crazay *****es lol

  12. #112

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    ^yes, PLEASE!!! like i said before, i love this fic. really, don't give up on it now! the storyline you've got so far leaves a lot of cliffhangers, and so far, people like it-- a lot. you're a great writer whether that was a long time ago or not, and i'm supporting you! inspiration is the key, so here you go. ^_^ and remember, you said my questions would be answered! (btw, you don't have to comment on the last one... -_-; )

    Tff

    P.S.~ sorry that my first post was kind of, i don't know, crazy? weird? i was still a n00b. -_-;;; that and it was 2:15 in the morning...
    It's been a long time... But it's so good to be back. <3
    Deviantart ID page: TranquilSimplicity
    Life giving you lemons? [Insert witty response here]

  13. #113

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    Thanks ^^ nice to see you're still interested
    I might carry it on soon, but I'm going away on holiday in a few days, so don't expect anything immediatly. The reason this ones sorta died is because I lost inspiration for it. But I have started a little contestshippy one shot that should be finished soon (when my sis gets off the other computer >_>), and hopefully that'll get me inspired to write more of this
    Gamer, film fanatic, wannabe animator, concept artist and 3D environment artist, and general nerd




    All contestshippers must go here. And if your not a contestshipper go here anyway.

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