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Thread: The Ninetales' Curse

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    Default The Ninetales' Curse

    This is the first revised edition of my first-ever fanfiction, The Ninetales' Curse. I hope that you enjoy it.

    Disclaimer: Sadly, the only pokémon that I own are the ones in my video games. All original characters, locales, and pokémon that may appear in this piece are mine, however.

    Rating: PG-13 for strong language, violence, blood, and gore. This 'fic is rated PG and is only bumped up a level due to board regulations; swearing appears only in later chapters and will be noted. The majority of this 'fic is PG.

    Prologue: The Dawn

    The morning sunlight crept slowly through the foggy window, almost as though it was reluctant to disturb the dark, brooding interior of the mansion. Its warm glow did little to enliven the bowels of the huge, silent house, which was slowly crumbling away beneath the weight of years of neglect and painful memories. The brave sunbeam struggled through eddying dust motes to cast a small patch of golden radiance on the floor, an oasis of light and hope in this, the domain of despair.

    As the morning brightened, the ray of illumination intensified, drawing back the veil of darkness that shrouded the room into which it had intruded. It revealed sagging, defeated furniture quietly decomposing in the perpetual gloom, small piles of plaster fallen from the deteriorating ceiling, and, curiously enough, another light source, twin patches of red light lurking near the back of the room.

    These mysterious lights were nearly as different from the perpetually optimistic sunbeam as it was possible to be, however; they glowed with baleful malice, seemingly offended by the sun’s trespassing on their domain. And, most surprising of all, they moved forward, revealing that they were not, in fact, lights, but eyes—the eyes of a ninetales, illuminated from within by the pokémon’s mystical power.

    The fire-type moved silently through the patch of sunlight, her golden fur briefly illuminated before being swallowed once more by shadows. She proceeded through the darkness with the grace and ease of memory, stepping lightly around holes in the floorboards. Her luxurious tails swept away cobwebs and brushed up against moldering furniture as she passed, hardly making any sound at all.

    She stepped out of the perpetually ajar front door and into the fresh air of early morning. Continuing out onto the garden path, she padded lightly across cracked stepping stones, now almost completely indiscernible beneath the tangle of unkempt grass that had grown up to engulf them. She continued past flowerbeds now overgrown with weeds, the only flowers remaining there feral, twisted specimens, eternally at war with one another for sunlight and nourishment. The air was scented with rot and damp, a perfume suitable for the decomposing mansion.

    The ninetales left through the old garden gate, which now hung by one hinge, rusted open. Leaving behind the dismal mansion, she stepped out onto the windswept cliff top upon which it rested. The building behind her seemed even more forlorn from the outside, a lone, hunched crone huddled dejectedly on a cold, windy street, clutching her twisted gardens about her like a ragged cloak. One entire wing of the mansion was gone, only a few charred posts and sections of wall remaining to testify that a fire had occurred there long ago.

    The ninetales, however, did not look back at her home as she strode purposefully up to the very edge of the cliff. A wide swath of forest spread out below, only just awakening to the trills of birds and the sigh of ocean breezes in its leaves. The ninetales surveyed it for a moment, her attitude almost scornful, before turning her gaze out to the ocean beyond. Its calm, peaceful waters sparkled in the early morning light, seeming to stretch on forever. As the ninetales stared out across its boundless miles, she looked not only out across her domain but also back in time, to an era long past and which few humans remembered. Her eyes burned with cold fire as she allowed her mind to wander back through her dark memories, utterly oblivious to the teasing breeze that toyed with the thick ruff of fur around her neck as she stood motionless on the edge of the precipice. She remembered.

    She would never forget.

    She would never forgive.

    *****

    The rattata tore through the forest, his four small feet pounding the ground as he streaked through the underbrush, kicking up fallen leaves as he went. He had been running hard for several minutes now, and his light purple fur was soaked with sweat. His sensitive ears told him that his pursuer was still not far behind him, however, loping easily after him on her long, powerful legs. He forced himself to a still greater speed, and he flew through the sparse vegetation, knowing he was not far from a safe haven.

    As he raced around a tree trunk, the rattata felt an unusual tingle spread across his body, starting at the tip of his nose and traveling down his body to the tip of his tail. It made his whiskers quiver and he nearly missed a step, but his body flooded with relief anyway. He threw himself into a blackberry bush that was just ahead, his small form able to squeeze through a gap between the plant’s thorny branches without injury. Once inside his leafy sanctuary, he slumped to the ground, sides heaving.

    Nishivma slowed to a halt and sat down outside of the blackberry bush, her cunning eyes fixed on the spot where the rattata had disappeared. She feigned nonchalance, extending a foreleg and working her tongue through the rich cream-colored fur that covered it. Her gaze never left the bush, lest her quarry try to escape while she appeared preoccupied. Once she determined that she had given the rattata sufficient time to recover his wits, she returned her paw to the earth and leaned closer to the bush, her wide ears detecting the small noises of the rattata within. "Jeremy, darling," she purred in a silky voice, "you know that you shouldn't have run away." The blackberry bush rustled in response.

    Nishivma sat back on her haunches once again, the red gem set into her forehead gleaming as it caught a stray sunbeam. She continued her admonishment in a gentle, reproving tone, though beneath it her words seemed to have a sharp edge, clearly threatening. "You know how it upsets the Mistress so. Oh, she does so hate to see her guests leave without any notice. Imagine! Insulting her...hospitality..." Nishivma trailed off, letting the words hang in the crisp morning air. "You mustn't do anything like that ever again, Jeremy. I shudder to think at what might happen the next time you tried something like this. Why, I might just have to see to it that you would never be able to run away again."

    Jeremy the rattata had recovered enough from his mad dash to sit up and glare out at Nishivma between the leaves of the bush. She couldn't see him, he was fairly sure, but he could see her perfectly well, her feline face set in a false expression of regret. He could see the cunning lurking behind her eyes and understood that she was enjoying the act, toying with him as cats are wont to do. "You know you could never kill me," he spat back at her. "The Mistress would be terribly displeased with you if you ever did that."

    A sudden flicker of fear passed across Nishivma's slitted eyes but was gone almost before Jeremy was sure that he had seen it. The Persian’s false kindly air evaporated completely, her manner turning deadly as she leaned in close once more, glaring into the bush, eyes searching for its concealed occupant. "Don't test me, rodent. It is by my courtesy alone that you are alive to taunt me," she growled warningly. Rising to her feet, she shot a last venomous glare at the bush and trotted off, deadly as a gengar and twice as silent.

    Once he was positive that the Persian had left and was not just lurking out of sight, waiting for him to emerge, Jeremy rose to his feet as well. His head swam with dark, defiant thoughts as he slowly climbed out of his prickly savior. Nishivma or no, he would escape this accursed forest and free its inhabitants from their mutual nightmare.

    -----

    If you found any errors, please note them so that they can be changed. I want to get rid of as many as I can in one revision sweep.
    Last edited by Negrek; 23rd October 2005 at 5:43 PM.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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    Well your doing nice so far, and anyways you used to much commas ,

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    Too many commas where? I'd be happy to eliminate incorrect ones if you'd point them out.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

    Banner by Sworn Metalhead of Dćdric Design




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    Well your doing nice so far, and anyways you used to much commas ,
    So did you o.o;; :P

    Anyway, I'm not up for an error-by-error concrit right now, so I didn't read too heavily. I s'pose I might do it later.

    The banner turned out very nice Was that the one you drew?

    Anyway, I do like the prolgue. Personally, my favorite character was Trevor. I'm not sure why. But I'm glad you're posting this, and good luck on the revision ^^;

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    Very nice! I'd give out any critique or suggestions if I could. However, I find that I can't. This first chapter was very well done, and checked over. The grammar was perfect, and you really do have a flair for writing. I quite enjoyed it, and the appearance of the Persian only made me like it more.

    Call me as biased as you like, but I adore that thing. Of course, that's not just what makes me like your story so much... I hope I'm not quite that shallow. The description was richly done, especially in the opening with the Ninetales. You could really feel the mood you were trying to convey in the writing.

    I can't wait to see where this story goes, and I hope you'll continue.

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    I look forward to a crit review, Act. XD It's been a long while since I've gotten a good one of those. And I'm glad you like the banner; yeah, that's the one I drew. I'm not terribly pleased with how it turned out, but I'll live with it.

    Glad you liked it, Saffire Persian. I hate to tell you, but Nishivma is only a minor character; you won't be seeing very much of her, I'm afraid.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

    Banner by Sworn Metalhead of Dćdric Design




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    A great prologue, Negrek.

    ...I'm not really sure what else to say.[/worst reveiew ever]
    .
    Quote Originally Posted by sakurauchicha12
    P.P.S- And what gender are you? Gay, Lesbian, Straight or Girl? Cuz' when I
    meet you I'll definitely punch the living daylights out of you.

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    This is a very interesting story already. You live up to your reviews; this is just too beautiful for words. ;; And I love that name, Nishivma, it sounds elegant and perfect. The description is top-notch, considerably one of the beast details you can find around here. I couldn't spot any errors, actually, though my eyes are a bit tired, since I just woke up and decided to read this story (I have a thing for Ninetales fanfictions). Well, hopefully, the first chapter will be coming sometime soon, because I'd love to read it.

    ~Syra~
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

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    This sounds like a it will be a very good fic, Negrek. Can't wait for the first chapter to be posted!

    I remember when "The Authors' Cafe" was still "The Author's Cafe".
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    --fics--
    NEW:Emory In Viridian- A more realistic spin on a new trainer trekking through Viridian Forest. [one-shot]
    NEW:Pallet Evening News [on DA & not Serebii due to short length] - A disturbing report from Pallet Town's evening news concerning three new trainers. [one-shot]
    Tómur -Dark contemplations of an undisclosed Pokemon about nothingness and the end. [one-shot]
    The Traveler - A lonely traveler encounters a malevolent pokemon during the night on Route 8. [one-shot]
    Redead - A Redead's perspective on its own life. [Legend of Zelda one-shot]

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    I haven't gotten too much into fanfic reviewing, but this is a good place to start.

    Well, I have to say, I'm quite impressed. The description was nicely done, and I'm already getting attached to the story. I like the mysteriousness and spookiness you gave the mansion. I bet we'll be seeing a lot of it, won't we?

    Nishivma was an interesting character. Jeremy and Ninetails were, too. I'm wondering how things will turn out with this curse, not to mention the cursed. ^^

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    Thanks to everyone for reviewing! And Syra, it's nice to know that you don't think my reviews are too hypocritical. As for the mansion, Blue Pokémon Master, we actually won't be seeing all that much of it. Not the inside of it, at least.

    I've fixed a few of the more embarrassing errors in the prologue before posting this; again, all error reports are greatly appreciated. My formatting got eaten when I put this up on the forum, so mention it if you see a paragraph squish, please.

    Chapter One: The Island


    If there was one thing that Katherine loved about pokémon training, it was flying. She loved how the wind rushed through her hair and howled in her ears. She loved how all of the cares and worries of the world fell away as she rose above it. Not only that, but there were so many places that became open to you once you became certified to fly with your pokémon. For Katherine, flight was always an adventure, always something new and undiscovered.

    It was a wonderful morning for it, too. The sun had burned away any trace of a cloud in the sky and its light soared unhindered to the ocean far below, glimmering off of its gently undulating surface. Pidgeot was feeling refreshed and adventurous this morning, as was his trainer. The pair had been looking forward to a chance to explore after the relative doldrums of trekking familiar ground for several weeks.

    Katherine sat calmly astride Pidgeot, her long black hair streaming out behind her and her intense brown eyes fixed eagerly on the trackless ocean, searching for some sign of land. She ignored the icy tendrils of wind that somehow managed to wrap themselves about her despite the thick black sweatshirt that she wore. The Rayquaza that coiled across its front seemed as exhilarated as she was, its gaping maw open in what appeared to be a challenging shriek directed at gravity. It was always cold, flying, but Katherine was used to it. As the battered silver pokédex strapped to her trainer’s belt attested, she had been training for some time now, long enough to be willing to endure a bit of discomfort in hopes of a great reward. Long enough to know, too, that if she wanted to travel far, she would have to travel light; Katherine had left her pack back at camp, taking all that she really needed with her in the pockets of her beige cargo pants.

    It looked like they wouldn’t have to go as far as she had thought to find adventure today, however. It was now coming up beneath her, a dark splotch on the shining ocean’s surface. Katherine had certainly never heard of an island out here, off of the western coast of Johto, but then, there was a lot that she hadn’t heard of. Trainers were always off in search of adventure, off to discover places that no one had ever been to before. Of course, there were a great, great many of them who enjoyed whatever it was that they found out there so much that they never came back. It was a sobering thought, but Katherine ignored it. What would life be without a little risk now and then?

    Katherine leaned forward, yelling above the roar of the wind, “Let’s take a look, Pidgeot!” The great raptor obliged, going into a steep dive as Katherine reflexively clung tighter to his feathery back. The deep, instinctual part of her brain screamed in terror as her mount rocketed towards the ground, but her conscious mind was quick to override it, turning her terror into pure elation. She thoroughly enjoyed the swooping feeling in the pit of her stomach as Pidgeot banked, correcting his course.

    Pidgeot leveled off some hundred feet above the island, his keen eyes scanning it intently, spotting far more than Katherine could ever hope to. She squinted down at the island anyway, hoping to see something of interest. It looked to be a wooded island, with a large cliff at one end, sloping down to a forested valley below and continuing to slope down to a rocky beach where waves broke in frothy explosions. Something clearly unnatural perched atop the cliff, however, rigidly rectangular against the soft curves of the island’s contours. “Let’s get a little closer,” Katherine suggested.

    Pidgeot dived again, dropping another fifty feet and drifting over to the top of the cliff, guessing that the strange building atop it was what his trainer wanted to inspect. This close, Katherine could see that it was a mansion. It appeared abandoned, and almost half of it had been badly damaged by fire. Who would have gone to the trouble to build a mansion out on a little uncharted island like this and then abandon it?

    “Take us down there, Pidgeot,” she said eagerly.

    But Pidgeot seemed uneasy about something. Rather than confidently swooping in as usual, he circled downward slowly, nervously sweeping the open plateau that surrounded the mansion with his eyes. He suddenly gave a small “Geot!” and pulled up so sharply that Katherine was forced to grab onto one of his long red crest feathers or risk falling off.

    Katherine was annoyed. She knew that Pidgeot was very distrustful of the unknown and that he didn’t like to take risks of any sort. For some reason the sight of the deserted mansion had unsettled him. “Oh, come on, you big baby,” she chided him gently. “It’s just a big old house. It won’t hurt you.”

    Pidgeot maintained a dignified silence and veered off over the island’s forest. Katherine sighed. She had hoped that she would be able to goad him into carrying her down to the intriguing building, but it looked like she would have to do a little walking if she wanted to reach the place. Pidgeot was stubborn and unlikely to change his mind and carry Katherine there himself.

    “All right, all right, you win. We won’t fly over to the big, creepy house, okay? Just put me down at the edge of the forest.” Once again Pidgeot seemed reluctant, but he dipped smoothly and carried his trainer swiftly towards the ground all the same. He expertly pulled up just shy of plowing into the earth, executing a perfect landing on the small strip of grass that separated the island’s rocky beach from the forest that covered most of it.

    Katherine slid off of Pidgeot’s back eagerly, already scanning the trees for some sign of pokémon life. Who knew what kind of rare, powerful creatures could be hiding in this unexplored forest? As she peered eagerly into the trees, however, she thought she felt a hint of what had made Pidgeot nervous. Something felt wrong about this forest, for all that it looked innocent enough and was teeming with the usual woodland noises. Suddenly her eye caught a flash of movement and Pidgeot let out an exclamation. Katherine was sure that she had seen something cream-colored dart away from her, deeper into the trees. She stepped forward and raised a hand to motion to Pidgeot, fully intending to pursue the mysterious creature, when she was stopped by a rustling in the underbrush.

    Something else was coming their way, and though it wasn’t very large by the sound of it, you could never be sure about how rare it was. After all, eevee might be small, but they were still some of the most sought-after creatures in the pokémon world. Katherine took a step back, scanning the underbrush to try do determine where the whatever-it-was would emerge. She didn’t have to search long before she saw that a patch of shrubbery not six feet away was shuddering ominously. Pidgeot had already noticed this and sidled closer to the spot.

    “Pidgeot, get ready for a battle,” Katherine whispered to him. He nodded eagerly, his dark eyes alight with anticipation. Katherine smiled to herself in satisfaction; if there was one thing that would banish Pidgeot’s fears about this place, it would be a nice, rousing pokémon battle. Katherine reached into one of her pockets and withdrew an ultra ball. No larger than a marble in its minimized form, she was easily able to conceal it in her palm. Nothing would make a pokémon turn around and head for shelter faster than the sight of an ultra ball, and she didn’t want to scare the mystery creature headed her way off. It was possible that a pokémon out here, where human contact was incredibly minimal, wouldn’t recognize an ultra ball, the mark of a highly experienced trainer who had won enough battles to be able to afford such advanced equipment, but she wasn’t willing to risk it.

    Suddenly, the pokémon emerged from the bushes. Small and purple, with wide ears and long, white whiskers, it stared up at Katherine suspiciously. Katherine nearly laughed aloud as she scornfully returned the ultra ball to her pocket. How silly of her, getting all worked up like that over a rattata! Well, if they managed to infest nearly every part of the mainland it was really no surprise that a few should have set up camp out here, too. “Come on, Pidgeot, it’s just a rattata. Let’s go see if we can pick up the trail of that pokémon that we saw earlier,” she said, starting towards the forest.

    The rattata didn’t seem at all pleased by this idea. It began to chatter angrily, bristling and showing its enormous incisors threateningly. Again, Katherine nearly laughed at the comical sight. A tiny rodent pokémon challenging a well-trained terminal evolution over four times its size? It was absurd. But the laughter died when she didn’t hear an answering cry from Pidgeot. “Uh, Pidgeot?” she asked, turning around to stare at her companion.

    The bird pokémon was staring at the rattata in shock, his eyes bulging. Pidgeot shrieked and opened his wings suddenly, startling the rattata somewhat. Katherine was mystified. Pidgeot was treating this little rattata like a dangerous foe, trying to intimidate it with his impressive size and wingspan. The purple rat seemed a little daunted at first, but quickly regained its nerve and began chattering all the louder, now making quick dashes toward Pidgeot.

    Now Katherine really did laugh. “I don’t believe this, Pidgeot! Show this little shrimp why you don’t mess with one of my pokémon! Use wing attack!” On any normal day, Pidgeot would have obligingly given the rattata a hefty clout with his powerful wings that would surely have put the diminutive creature down for the count.

    Today was not a normal day, however. Pidgeot didn’t even seem to hear Katherine. He was now screaming loudly at the Rattata. “Geooottt! Ge! Ge! Ge!” His feathers were bristling, his magnificent crest was raised, and he was occasionally beating the air with his wings, the resulting gust of wind blasting the rattata back repeatedly. The normal-type determinedly picked itself up each time, however, and kept coming.

    Though Pidgeot was certainly doing his best intimidation routine, he was actually horribly scared, or so Katherine observed. He was loud and proud and apparently ready and raring to battle, but whenever the rattata advanced he fell back, and whenever it made a sudden lunge for him he would scramble away so quickly that he nearly tripped over his own tail feathers several times. Puzzled, Katherine again scanned the nearby trees for anything that might be making Pidgeot nervous.

    It was then that she realized something utterly terrifying. The forest behind the rattata had inexplicably gone silent. Gone were the calls of the pidgey nesting in the trees, the drone of beedrill as they went about their work in the distance. The hairs on Katherine’s neck began to rise. A trainer for nearly a year now, she had learned to listen to the land for the subtle signs that it gave. Right now, they were all screaming, Danger! Danger! Run while you still can! Something was coming through the trees that scared the whole forest silly, and Katherine had a feeling that she wanted to be out of its way as well. She turned her attention back to the strange display going on between her pidgeot and the rattata. “Forget it, Pidgeot! We’re getting out of here!”

    Pidgeot gave a cry of appreciation as Katherine ran over to climb onto his back. She had barely had time to clamber aboard before he took off, pumping his wings furiously to gain altitude. He flew as Katherine had seen him fly only once before, and that was the time that the duo was being tailed by a full flock of skarmory. That had been after she had stumbled upon a large cluster of their nests and had unwisely decided to take a closer look at the eggs within one of them. An adult had spotted her as she did so, and the flock had given chase in rage. She had been sure to avoid the area ever since.

    Pidgeot’s rapid ascent soon caused the island to dwindle away to a mere speck beneath them once more. He soared back out over the open ocean in the direction that they had come. Katherine felt herself grow calmer as the island faded away into the distance, and even had the capacity to be slightly annoyed. She couldn’t expect any further exploring today, as Pidgeot would certainly be exhausted after his wild escape and the terror that he had experienced on the island. This was what puzzled Katherine most. Why had he been so afraid of that little rattata? She had never seen Pidgeot act like that in the face of a wild pokémon before.

    She couldn’t ask him about that now, of course. He was too busy navigating, retracing their flight path over the constantly shifting waves. Katherine certainly didn’t want to distract him and potentially cause them to end up far away from their camp, or even worse, end up missing the continent altogether. She gave a small shrug, deciding to ask him about it later, after he had calmed down a bit.

    Unnoticed by trainer and pokémon, the hood on the back of Katherine’s sweatshirt stirred. Two cunning red eyes peered out from the fold in the fabric, small white whiskers testing the frigid air.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

    Banner by Sworn Metalhead of Dćdric Design




  12. #12
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    ;-; Okay, now I'm about to break into tears. I must say, arguarbly, you are one of the best writers around here, preferably one of my favorite authors to emerge. Your descriptions just blow me away to the streets of Firedragon; I understand how your details differ from mine, and I'm pretty much glad as to why I'm reading this, since it is helping me to improve my writing skills and make details flow so beautifully. Wonderful job, and please continue this fantastic story.

    Now, I will admit, I did find your reviews very hypocritical, but now, they just seem like you are trying your best to help. ^^ Again, fantastic job with this story. This deserves a shot at an award for the Summer Fiction Awards.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

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    :okes:: I just realized I never concritted this! And I feel extra bad because I didn't review the original on ffNET. I'm sorry -_-' I'll do it some day /too forgetful for her own good.

    Anyway, I figured I'd bump this. Please nag me to concrit -_-' Gah, and you have like 500 people who you actually WILL reply to... I have ADD or something, I really do...

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    Also, I have a question that I'd like to ask. Seeing as I need to be nominating lots more Fanfictions in the Summer Fiction Awards, I found that your story is quite deservable of being nominated. So, I was wondering what the Genre of your story was? Call me an idiot if you must, for I usually can't detect the type of Genres in the beginning of the story.

    ~Syra~
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

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    Well, this is categorized as being Action/Adventure/Supernatural at FF.net.

    In terms of the genres offered by the summer fanfic awards, let's see... it is not a comedy 'fic, not a generic journey 'fic, not a shipping/romance 'fic and, IMO, not a horror 'fic.

    It doesn't really fit one of the proffered categories, I'm afraid.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Negrek
    As for the mansion, Blue Pokémon Master, we actually won't be seeing all that much of it. Not the inside of it, at least.
    Really? Heh, well, it seemed like it would be one of the centers of focus in the story. We will be seeing much of the island, though, right?

    Anyway, this is getting more and more interesting. I like how well you described all of Pidgeot's flying. All the details made me feel like I was right there with the Pidgeot, flying with it and Katherine.

    You're also establishing the mystery (and perhaps curse) of the island and its forest and its Pokemon well. I like that.

    And we have a cliffhanger! Nice. I can't wait to read what happens next, Negrek. ^^

    BTW, how many chapters had you already finished prior to starting this new thread?

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    Oh, yes, the island is very important. I'm glad you like the flying scene; I tried to make it much nicer this version.

    Well, since this is a rewrite, all twenty chapters plus the prologue/epilogue are of course already written, but when I started this thread I had only the prologue redone. Thus the obscenely long update gaps.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Negrek
    Well, this is categorized as being Action/Adventure/Supernatural at FF.net.

    In terms of the genres offered by the summer fanfic awards, let's see... it is not a comedy 'fic, not a generic journey 'fic, not a shipping/romance 'fic and, IMO, not a horror 'fic.

    It doesn't really fit one of the proffered categories, I'm afraid.
    Well, seeing as Supernatural Genres seem to collide with Fantasy at specific times, would you categorize this story as a Fantasy story? Also, from your posts, I am assuming that this story is twenty chapters total?
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

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    My only quibble with your story is the term 'half-ajar.' If a door is ajar, it's partly open. You could say it's half-open or ajar, but I've never seen the term 'half-ajar' before, and it's not in any dictionary I own.

    That aside, I love the pace of your story. Your descriptions are very well done and you've managed to build credible suspense with the mysterious mansion and Rattata. I'm hoping to read more, and best wishes with the fanfiction awards.

    Pokémaniacs Anonymous: Because growing old is inevitable but growing up is optional

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    I think it's more horror than fantasy, and less than real horror, frankly. The only reason it's classed as "supernatural" is because ghosts play a very large role, as do things relating to (one of the) other planes. There's really no magic, mystical creatures, and whatnot. Well, I guess there's the curse, but that's general pokémon canon. You can nominate however you feel like it, tho. XD

    My only quibble with your story is the term 'half-ajar.' If a door is ajar, it's partly open. You could say it's half-open or ajar, but I've never seen the term 'half-ajar' before, and it's not in any dictionary I own.
    Wow yeah, you're right. Thanks for pointing that out! I think I've seen the term "partially ajar" somewhere, but yeah, that's redundant, now that I look at it. *scuttles off to change*

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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    Chapter two. Voila!

    And yes, it's short. Bite me. I believe in pacing.

    Chapter Two: The Escape


    The ninetales was out for an early morning stroll. She had descended from on high to see her domain and its inhabitants, the other pokémon of the island that lived in its forest. Of course, the vast majority of them hid at her approach, but those that she did spot she knew to be her loyal servants. It was a beautiful day, dappled sunlight reaching through the canopy to light the ninetales’ fur in a patchwork of alternating fiery radiance and muted gold. She was both an awe- and terror-inspiring sight as she padded casually to nowhere in particular.

    A noise caught her attention, though she did not pause in her regal stride. Some pokémon was crashing through the underbrush to her right, clearly coming in her direction. The ninetales gave a small sigh of irritation, the weary sigh of a ruler long disposed to dealing with idiots and bunglers. No doubt the approaching creature was one of her numerous underlings, on his or her way to complain about something or other. Moments later, a Persian erupted from the undergrowth, a female that the ninetales recognized as the one known as Nishivma. The persian was out of breath, apparently having run for quite some distance. Nishivma bowed her head respectfully before blurting out, "Urgent news, Mistress!"

    "What is it?" the ninetales replied in a bored tone. Few things that the denizens of the forest deemed "urgent" were actually of much concern.

    "A trainer!" Nishivma gasped. "On the beach! Jeremy ran out to her!"

    "What?!" the ninetales snarled, all traces of boredom gone. Her eyes burned and Nishivma cowered back, whimpering. “It is your duty to prevent any of the Cursed from leaving the forest, especially when there are trainers about! And why has this trainer not entered the trees?"

    "I am sorry, Mistress, but I think Jeremy distracted her. She is very strong. I was afraid..."

    "You should be far more afraid of me than of any human scum," the ninetales snarled, cutting Nishivma off. "It appears that I must deal with the situation myself, as you are apparently too incompetent to handle even such a simple thing. And if I were you," the ninetales continued, glaring threateningly at the cowering Nishivma, "I would pray that I had not completely failed in my duties."

    With that, the ninetales was off and running. For all that she was waited upon by the pokémon of the forest, she was far from soft and complacent. She darted through the forest with a speed and grace of which any Arcanine would be envious, leaping effortlessly over rotting logs and swerving around trees without breaking stride in the slightest. The few denizens of the forest that had not already taken cover did so, doing everything in their power to stay out of the way of their fiery Mistress. As the ninetales sped on, the air surrounding her grew steadily warmer as her anger stoked the fire burning within her, and as her speed and rage increased still more she left a trail of smoldering foliage in her wake.

    With a final great leap, she soared over the final barrier of bushes that marked the edge of the forest and out onto the grassy strip between trees and sand. She landed heavily, her paws carving deep gouges in the earth as she checked her incredible momentum. So focused was she on her goal that she had not even felt the strange shiver of power pass across her as she left her domain, and she failed notice the way that the grass surrounding her blackened and fell to ash as the extreme heat she radiated incinerated it. Panting slightly, the ninetales furiously turned her head this way and that, searching for the foolish trainer who dared trespass in her domain and the still more foolish Cursed pokémon who was attempting to escape her grasp.

    A shadow passed across her face and she whipped her head upwards, craning her neck as she searched the sky. A pidgeot was circling over her, climbing higher and higher into the vaulted heavens that were beyond her power to control. There was clearly a trainer on its back; the human had escaped, then. As the ninetales glared at the departing trainer, seething with hatred and frustration, her second sight caught something else. A faint aura of magic surrounded the trainer, a fiery halo that the ninetales could only just make out as the pidgeot banked away, heading east. Recognizing the hazy power signature as a curse of her own working, the ninetales felt an icy trickle of fear threaten to drown the flame that constantly burned inside of her. It couldn't be! Eyes locked on the swiftly shrinking form of pidgeot and rider, she let out a howl. The eerie sound, suffused with anger and despair, rang out across the nervously silent island, striking fear into the hearts of its inhabitants.
    Last edited by Negrek; 9th January 2006 at 4:54 AM.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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  22. #22
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    Ninetales, as a Pokemon (proper noun) should start with a capital letter.

    Chapter Two was a little short, but still nice.

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    I don't use pokémon as proper nouns, so I don't capitalize them. I view them instead as the names of species (i.e. parakeet, tarsier, ant) and therefore not capiatlized.

    Glad you like chapter two despite its length.

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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    Ah, the second chapter. I must say, although the length was short (from your terms), I feel as though it was just enough. The description you added made up for the loss, in my opinion, and I feel proud that it was a shorter chapter. I also believe in pacing, but strangely, my mind is starting to function longer chapters for a very weird reason. Anyways, you did an excellent job this time around, and I shall await for the third chapter to swing and blossom.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  25. #25

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    Mmmm.. definitely different from the Ninetails I was envisioning from what I read about her in the Prologue. But I like it, and it definitely lends a harsher tone to the Ninetails that has me thinking avidly of the Japanese Kitsune that Ninetails is based upon. Nvishima (sp?) only a minor character? A shame, but I still like her nonetheless, small role or no.

    What disturbed the Ninetails exactly is perplexing, as well as the whole Curse idea with Ninetails that has always fascinated me in a sense. I look forward to more of your chapters. I'd also like to comment I like the way you switch between the human perspective, and the Pokemon perspective, as it gives us an apt balance of both.

    There was one mistake I found.

    Recognizing hazy power signature as a curse of her own working,
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't it be Recognizing the hazy power signature?

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