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Thread: Invisible Silhouette

  1. #1
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    Default Invisible Silhouette

    Well here's something like a prologue. It's my first fan fic, but don't go easy on me, or anything. I can take any criticism or anything else you throw at me. I have only two rules:

    1. If you view, please review, even if you think it's craptacular and you'll never read it again.
    2. NO SPAM!

    The Following is my Chapter Set-up when I post:

    [Chapter Rating] <- Consists of Rt (Reading teen) followed by the appropriate age group.
    Here is where I elaborate on my reasons for the rating.

    Chapter Title


    Text Here

    Text Here
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <- Time gap

    Text Here

    Text Here
    ************************************************** ******* <- End of Chapter
    Closing Notes Here
    Closing Notes Here

    Chapter END

    Next Time: Following Chapter Name

    Preview From Chapter

    [Cano]



    Well enough beating around the bush. Here it is:
    *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

    [Rt-G]
    This chapter contains nothing that might offend the general audience.

    Invisible Silhouette: A Pokemon Story

    Location: Fire Region (Fuego)
    Trainer Info: Sig Cloud Mugen, known to everyone as “Cloud”
    Current Age: 9
    Height: 4 feet 8 inches
    Birth date: Summer, 2nd month, 17th day
    Birth place: Cinnabar Island, Kanto Region
    Siblings: unknown
    Known Relations: Annette S. Mugen (mother)
    Chase C. Mugen (father)

    Trainer Back Story:
    Born in Kanto, Cloud was raised on the Island of Cinnabar. He was born nearly a year before the incident that crippled the once great Island, and now lives in the great Fire Region, known as Fuego with his mother and father. As a result, he grew up with no knowledge of Kanto, its people or its pokémon. He knows only the stories he was told while listening to the Hoothoots sing their nocturnal lullaby. Stories of powerful trainers, mysterious pokémon, and beautiful towns and cities filled his dreams.

    He grew up in a region filled to the brim with all kinds of pokémon, pokémon of all shapes and sizes, except the pokémon native to Kanto. Pokémon like Charmander and Dragonite were foreign to him. When told about them he could only imagine what they looked like; and he had a very wild imagination, being very young. But pokémon like Cyndaquil and Sentret, along with Hoothoot and Stantler surrounded him in his new home.

    His life, though altered by fate, was a pleasant one filled with joy and laughter, rarely affected by hardship. Until that day when it all changed and all of the laughter and joy stopped. It was one his 6th birthday when they came, a powerful new crime organization, by the name of Silhouette; a group of villains lead by a mysteriously powerful figure, out to enslave all pokémon. They viewed them as tools of destruction and mayhem, not as friends or allies. They gave themselves their name because of their ability to blend in with everyone; you never could tell who was a Shadow and who wasn’t. Almost as if they didn’t even know they were apart of this powerful syndicate. Rumors spread that a new kind of pokémon was used to brain wash potential Shadows, and “activate” them at pivotal times. There was no pattern to their attacks, no reason, they just happened. The soldiers for Silhouette were called Shadows because of how quickly they changed; their personalities, their features, their appearances, everything, like they were a different person, a shadow of their former selves.

    They appeared on Cloud’s birthday, his worst one ever, and the worst day in the history of Fuego. They appeared from what seemed like nowhere, and kidnapped many people and pokémon. One of those people was Cloud’s mother. She was taken away trying to save her son. And though everyone told him it wasn’t his fault, he knew it was, because of what one of the Shadows told him.

    He had said, “The Boss has plans for you. It seems that there is potential in you…potential he wants to extort.”

    For the next three years, he grew up without a mother, holding the guilt inside him, and trusting no one.

    Here is where his adventure begins…
    ***********************
    This fic is based on my ideas for a new pokemon game. It'll be re-posted them in the Future Game Ideas thread after I proofread and add to them. Chapter 1 is close to being finished, just some touch ups and an ending and it'll be done, though I can't guarantee when it'll be up. So what do y'all think?

    Prologue END

    Next Time: The Fire Inside

    “Well Cano, this is it. I’m not going to be coming back for a while. I’ll miss you,” he told the giant pokémon, hugging it tightly. “Oh, and take care of dad while I’m gone, ok?”

    “Ar-roo, argh,” Cano growled in understanding.

    Patting Cano on the head once more, he made his way toward Verd Forest. Suddenly he made a 180° turn and began to skate backwards while watching the small figures that were Scyko and Cano become smaller and smaller. Making a sharp 180, he picked up speed and soon reached the edge of the forest. He stopped abruptly and surveyed the forested carefully, taking in every detail.

    [Cano]
    Last edited by [Cano]; 15th June 2006 at 6:30 AM. Reason: Change in title

    <Current Chapter>
    |:| Chapter Eight: Finally...Barden Town...|:|
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  2. #2
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    Cool The Fire Inside

    Well, here's the first chapter, I got kinda lazy due to the lack of an audience, but here it is, hope whoever reads this enjoys it:
    *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

    [Rt-G]
    This chapter contains nothing that may offend the general audience.

    The Fire Inside

    Today was the day his 9th birthday. Cloud waited three long years for this day to come, the day when he would truly become a Pokémon Trainer and get his very first pokémon from Professor Redwood. He woke up bright and early today, and got dressed quickly; there was no way he was going to be late today. He grabbed his pokébelt, his red flame cap, and his backpack and headed toward the door.

    “Hold on there son. Where do you think you’re going-?”

    “Dad, I told you, I’m getting my first pokémon today, remember?” Cloud complained.

    “But, you woke up real early. In fact, you’re an hour ahead of everyone else,” his dad pointed out, as if this were enough of an excuse to keep his son from leaving.

    “Dad, you know how it is: first come, first serve. I just wanna make sure I get to pick a good one,” he explained heatedly. There was the presence of annoyance in his voice; he had wanted to get there with at least fifteen minutes to spare, and his destination it wasn’t exactly down the street. Professor Redwood lived in the most secluded city in Fuego: Barden City, which was the next city over. While Cloud and his father, lived in the famous Hyd City.

    The only problem was the forest between Barden and Hyd: Verd Forest. This particular forest was famous for is bounty of kind and gentle pokémon…But had been three years ago, back when silhouette’s only meaning was the one found in a dictionary. But since then, it had earned a different reputation; a dark and shady one. Rumors had spread that people who entered that forest were never seen again. Some believed it to be one of the Obscured. This was the name given to a location where innocent people were taken to become Shadows. This would explain way Barden wasn’t as popular as Hyd.

    They were once known as sister cities, Barden and Hyd. Barden was famous for the findings of the Professor. It was he who had discovered the first signs of new and undocumented pokémon, such as Tundras and its pre-evolutions. He is known to many as “The Next Gen”, which meant "next generation", and "next genius". He had earned this nick name by discovering these new pokémon, which many called “the Fourth Generation”. Hyd, capital of Fuego, is a very populated metropolis, famous because it is home to the region’s prized Pokémon Gym. It was prized because its Leader’s specialty is Fire-types the type loved above all others in this particular region.

    But just as everything else had changed three years ago, so did The Sisters of Fuego. Silhouette cast a long shadow over Fuego; a shadow which unfortunately seemed to stem near Barden for the past year and a half. Nothing was known for sure though, but regardless, something fishy was going on down there. And Chase’s 9-year old son was heading there…alone. This was more than enough of an excuse to try and prevent him from leaving. After all, Cloud was only 9 years old and not nearly capable enough to look after himself efficiently…or so he thought.

    But that was where Chase was wrong. Cloud was more than capable, and for his age, very mature and understanding. Plus, he was determined and stubborn like his mother. Chase saw this and smiled with the realization that Cloud was in fact, capable; possibly even more capable than his old man.

    “Well, seeing as you’re leaving, I got something for you. Wait just a minute,” he said, his voice trailing behind him as he walked toward the den area.

    “It is, after all your birthday. You didn’t think that I wouldn’t give you a present, did you?”

    Cloud laughed at himself, because he did think that, but he wouldn’t tell his father that. He approached his father and looked straight up at him. He was a tall fellow, standing at five feet and eleven inches, with messy jet black hair. He was thin and somewhat stringy, and wore a red shirt with vertical yellow lines in the pattern. He also wore black shorts that stopped above his knees, and wooden sandals that looked more appropriate on a samurai than him; and Cloud looked very little like his father.

    Cloud stood only four feet eight inches tall; his hair was a pure milky white, and wasn’t nearly as messy as his father’s, but wasn’t what you’d call neat; he was thin and very athletic. And he style in clothing wasn’t anywhere near Chase’s. He wore a plain baseball shirt, with red sleeves and collar, and a grey front. The sleeves stopped several inches above his wrists. His shorts were black and jersey-like; it had hundreds of tiny wholes completely surrounding it, with an elastic waist, and three layers of the same material. On the bottom of the left legging was a logo of a pokéball with the letter “F” on it, covered in flames. For footwear he wore a pair of plain black shoes with white laces. He also wore a red flame cap, to hide his messy hair.
    Yes, many didn’t believe that they were related, Cloud and Chase…At least not at first glance. They shared the same aura however, the same determination and strong will, the same fire in their eyes. Upon further inspection, you just knew they we’re father and son, not because of how they acted toward each other, but because of their personalities and attitudes. They were similar, yet different at the same time. That’s what set them apart, and to the same effect, made them alike.

    But either way, Cloud admired and loved his father very much. He wanted nothing more than to follow in his father’s footsteps, and even surpass him. His father was once a great Pokémon Trainer. Cloud had heard many stories of his adventures throughout Kanto, and enjoyed them very much. Chase had once told him of the many pokémon he caught before Cloud was born. Sadly, he had released a large portion of them before leaving Kanto. He had done this because he had not wanted to take them from their home. He felt that they were just as smart as he, and that their feelings and opinions mattered just as much as his own.

    But there were two that stayed with him: his Arcanine named Cano, a powerful, yet gentle pokémon, and his wise old Alakazam affectionately known as Scyko. These were the only ones left from his career as a Pokémon Trainer in Kanto, and acted as Cloud’s protective siblings growing up. Cano was a big dog-like pokémon, with yellow “Pikachu” fur all over his body, a yellowish fiery tail and chest and mane. Black zigzagged stripes covered his body as well as fiery yellowish patches of hair on his ankles. He had evolved from Growlithe, the very first pokémon Chase had caught. Scyko however was a tall human-like pokémon. His eyes were mesmerizing and threatening all at once. His skin was a light blue, except for his chest, wrists and ankles, which were all grey and looked as if the were protective armor instead of skin. His face was unusual for a pokémon because of his long mustache and his long pointed ears. These pokémon were Chase’s best friends, and some of Cloud’s only family. He was a little saddened at this thought; his family was very important to him, and having lost his mother three years ago made him wary of leaving. But it had to be done…He must go…He had a promise to keep. Snapping back to reality he continued to stare at his father, waiting for his gift.

    His father stared down at him, and pulled a wrapped box from behind him. He handed Cloud the brightly colored box with a smile. Cloud took the box into his hands, and began unwrap it revealing a plain brown box. At this sight he frowned slightly, but let his curiosity help him in opening the box. Inside the box was a pair of rusty red two wheeled rollerblades, with the words “Fire Flash” emblazoned on the sides covered in black flames.

    “Wow! These are the new Fire Flashes! How’d you get these, I’ve been saving for months!” Cloud shrilled with excitement.

    “No you haven’t! You’ve been spending your money on trainer gear!” his father laughed.

    “Well, eventually I would’ve bought these, I mean it’s essential to buy some type of transportation, and bikes are way too expensive. But anyways, thanks a lot dad, I really appreciate it,” Cloud told him.

    “Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I can do, to make sure you’re taken care of. Oh, I almost forgot, I have something else for you. Here.”

    Chase reached into his pocket and gave his son 2,000Ţ. Cloud looked at the money with wide eyed shock and excitement; this was more money than he had ever held before. His father noticed his surprised expression and added, “This is only a start-up to add to whatever you’ve saved. And don’t worry, if you’ve inherited my fighting spirit, and quick thinking, there will definitely be more where that came from.”

    Cloud looked at him as if he were joking and half-expected Chase to laugh in his face and take back well more than half of the money he had handed him.

    More money? I couldn’t possibly see how I could have more money than this, he thought.

    But time was running out and if he was going to make it to Prof Redwood’s on time, he’d have to get going now. So he thanked his father again, put on his Fire Flashes, and walked out the door. He stood on his stoop and looked around, taking in the sights of home one last time. In the yard was his father’s Arcanine and Alakazam; Cano lay on his back in the warm sun, while Scyko sat in midair, meditating, a light purple aura surrounding it.

    His house was small, a cottage if you will. It was one floor with two bedrooms, a wrap around porch, and a rather large front yard, with a white picket fence surrounding the property. His property was inclined enough to roll a coin from the last step all the way to the road, but too flat to be called a hill. The road in front of their property stretched east and west. East led deeper into Hyd; the shops, markets, and Gym. To the west lay Verd Forest. Cloud was just about to take off, when he got sight of it. A sight that stirred something with him, something he thought he locked away a long time ago.
    It was a garden that belonged to his mother. It was visible near the fence; he and his father took care of the many flowers there in honor of her.

    Sometimes…It doesn’t really feel like she’s gone…Like she’s still here watching me, waiting for me to say some kind of magic word to make her reappear, he wondered hopefully and happily.

    Just then he felt something cold and wet run down his face. He hadn’t cried in so long, that he forgot what tears felt like. Not because he was macho or anything like that, he had just never found reason to shed tears.

    He wiped the tear from his face in anger.

    But that’s not going to happen. She’s gone. GONE! And it’s my fault…I wasn’t able to protect her, he accused. …I’d better get going. No use shedding tears now…It won’t bring her back.

    He took another look at the garden in the corner. Reluctantly he looked away and took a breath of fresh air. He was ready. Jumping from his stoop, he landed on his walkway and began to pick up speed, thanks to the incline of his front yard. He skated past Arcanine and Alakazam; both stopped their meaningful activities to wave as he passed. Cloud waved back smiling, but inside held a sad feeling in the pit of his stomach. The fence surrounding his house was fast approaching, so he switched his focus on the path ahead. Timing was very important, and he knew this all to well which is why when he was 3 yards away from the fence, he leapt into the air grabbing his feet behind him. He soared over the fence and into the road outside the perimeter, landing in the middle of the road.

    Skidding to a stop, he surveyed the land around him; to his left was a long winding road deeper into town; to the right, the road ended abruptly, and gave way to Verd Forest. Suddenly a sharp wind brushed over Cloud, nearly knocking him over. Catching himself, he turned and noticed Cano by his side, a look of depression in his eyes. Cloud smiled at Cano, another tear falling from his eye. The next thing he saw was Cano’s large tongue licking his tear away. Laughing, he reached over to Cano’s head and pet him.

    “Well Cano, this is it. I’m not going to be coming back for a while. I’ll miss you,” he told the giant pokémon, hugging it tightly. “Oh, and take care of dad while I’m gone, ok?”

    “Ar-roo, argh,” Cano growled in understanding.

    Patting Cano on the head once more, he made his way toward Verd Forest. Suddenly he made a 180° turn and began to skate backwards while watching the small figures that were Scyko and Cano become smaller and smaller. Making a sharp 180, he picked up speed and soon reached the edge of the forest. He stopped abruptly and surveyed the forested carefully, taking in every detail.

    Blades don’t work well on grass, so I’ll have to stick to fallen branches and giant rocks, if I want to make it on time, he determined from his observations.

    And with that he was off, grinding on a fallen branch into the dark forest.

    Nothing will stop me! I will be the best trainer I can be, and I’ll never quit, no matter how badly the odds, I’ll keep on fighting. Even if I’m fighting a losing battle, I keep on fighting till I lose. This I swear, he promised himself.

    He could feel the fire inside of him rage on, feeding on his determination, growing stronger and stronger as he rode on. And soon he was out of sight.

    Scyko eyes were still fixed on the forest’s edge. He sat perfectly still looking at the dark forest, contemplating, searching. Cano appeared at his side and sat and stared.

    “Alaka, ala,” Scyko muttered impatiently to Cano.

    “Aroo?” Cano questioned quizzically.

    Scyko sighed, and then proceeded to speak, “Alakazam. Alaka ala al, alakazam.”

    “HA-RUU!?” Cano howled angrily.

    Scyko nodded. Cano’s face cringed as he bared his teeth into a blood curdling growl, his eyes aflame with the fierce fire rage. Scyko raised a hand to Cano to calm him, and used Calm Mind. Almost instantly Cano’s growl became almost a low purr; the anger in his eyes replaced with a genuine calm, as if the fire had been doused with a Hydro Pump.

    Removing his hand from Cano, he spoke once more, “Alaka al. Ala alaka alakazam.”

    Cano nodded, shaking the effects of Calm Mind off. Then, turning to Scyko, Cano pressed his snout as close to Scyko’s as possible, and let out a low warning growl. Sweating profusely Scyko nodded quickly in agreement. Feeling his point had been made he removed his face from Scyko’s and bound off toward Verd Forest. Getting to his feet, Scyko brushed his shoulders and walked slowly toward the forest, each step feeling heavier than the last. A hint of anger came over him, but was soon replaced with tranquility. He stopped to use Recover and immediately felt his strength return to him. He was getting old, there was no stopping that, but thankfully he could always Recover and move on. He continued on toward the forest, and stopped again, for an idea struck him. Concentrating, he stared into the darkness of the forest. Suddenly he cocked his head and turned to his right, his eyes aglow. And then he was gone.

    The yard was empty when the front door opened. Chase stepped outside and looked up and down his yard for his pokémon, but couldn't find them. He decided to go back inside, and had turned around ready to step in the doorway, when something inside him turned his attention toward the forest.

    He gazed aimlessly wondering, What am I supposed to see?

    But then laughed he at himself, as the pieces came slowly together.

    “Take good care of him boys. He’s all we’ve got.”

    ************************************************** ***************************
    I would like to give credit to SuicuneZ, for his Fakemon Tundras, and its pre-evos. Also:


    Meet Cano and Scyko. These sprites were recolored by me, with pe2k.com's sprites used as bases. Arcanine's fur came from a Pikachu, while Alakazam's came from a Dewgong and a Shiny Rayquaza. Well that's all for now *goes to work on Chapter 2*.

    Chapter END

    Next Time: Shadows in the Dark...

    Suddenly the light that came from the holes in the log was gone then back then gone, then back again. Cloud looked up in time to see wide cloaked figure walked over the hole. Cloud stood stiff as a board, and tears began to well up in his eyes. As he cried quietly to himself, one word escaped his lips… “Shadows…”

    [Cano]
    Last edited by [Cano]; 7th March 2006 at 3:23 AM.

    <Current Chapter>
    |:| Chapter Eight: Finally...Barden Town...|:|
    <Next Chapter Progress: 0-10%>

  3. #3
    ZeroGKikaider Guest

    Default

    this was very good...it would be greater if u added nudity and blood and gore just like ganes these days

    p.s.also put in a "hot coffee" scene so it can get raded AO by hilary clinton

  4. #4
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    Talking

    Hahahaha, yeah ok ZGK, anyways I know posted my future game ideas on this thread. Beware though, it's long, and I am only including this link so you all can learn more about the fic, because it's based on my ideas for a new game. Seeya, oh yeah, Ch.2 to be posted...when I finish XP
    ^^SCM^^

    <Current Chapter>
    |:| Chapter Eight: Finally...Barden Town...|:|
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  5. #5
    BrokenDreams Guest

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    when's the next chapter, that was awesome

  6. #6
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    Default

    Well, it'll be around...umm maybe before or after Sunday, we're moving now and my parents are constantly nagging me :/ but now that I have two reviewers I'll work twice as hard whenever I can. You two are awesome!! And thanks a lot for reading I reeeeeeeeeeeally appreiciate it, I just love writing and I love everyone's reviews. It's sooooo great, the best ever, thanks *goes to continuing writing*
    ^^SCM^^

    <Current Chapter>
    |:| Chapter Eight: Finally...Barden Town...|:|
    <Next Chapter Progress: 0-10%>

  7. #7
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    WOOTTTT! I liked it! Espically Cano! xP

    Anyways, teh awesome job there. Everything was very descriptive, and I enjoyed it a lot. Kudos to ya! And ignore the Hot Coffee guy, he's either on crack or just an annoying noob.

    TOOTLES

    Saber
    My Author Website

    First book sold to Viking/Penguin! ^^


    .__relive the legend__.

    *

  8. #8
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    Talking Thank you xXSaberXx

    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx
    WOOTTTT! I liked it! Espically Cano! xP

    Anyways, teh awesome job there. Everything was very descriptive, and I enjoyed it a lot. Kudos to ya! And ignore the Hot Coffee guy, he's either on crack or just an annoying noob.

    TOOTLES

    Saber
    YAY! Another awesome reviewer, thank you soo much for reading :3 and I luffs (stole your word!!) Cano too. Him and Scyko (HAH!) are great, especially together, because they are total opposites! Cano is very responsive, spontaneous and very short tempered, while Scyko is slow (a slow Alakazam...wtf?!), calm, and always takes in everything before acting. In some ways, he may seem totally emotionless, while Cano appears to be overzealous, but they both care about Chase and Coud.

    Anyways, teh awesome job there.
    Really? Wow, thanks 8) this makes me feel great! This is why I love sharing my writing with people, because I love the responses I get, good and bad. Thanks a lot xXSaberXx, you're awesome, and Chapter 2 should be up soon. Keep an eye on my sig to know when it's complete.

    And ignore the Hot Coffee guy, he's either on crack or just an annoying noob.
    Yeah I didn't take his comment to heart all that much, only cause he's a good friend of mine since junior high. He was only kidding, he told me it was great...though you are right about the 'noob' part, and I can't argue with you there XD

    Well, back to Shadows in the Dark...! Seeya soon ^_~
    xXxSCMxXx

    <Current Chapter>
    |:| Chapter Eight: Finally...Barden Town...|:|
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  9. #9
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    Default the second chapter...

    [Rt-13+]
    This chapter contains mild violence, and mention of blood.

    Shadows in the Dark…


    The forest was dark; the branches at the tops of the trees were cluttered and tangled, allowing little to no light to squeeze in. Here and there, little streams of light broke through the dense tree-tops and made their way to the moss covered ground, like spears piercing a mighty beast. Other than that however, was darkness; total darkness. Cloud had stopped in one of the spears of light, and began to rummage through his backpack. Beneath the Pokéballs, Potions, Antidotes, and Rice balls were clothes, and beneath that…was the bottom of the bag.

    “Son of a…how could I have not packed a flashlight?” he cursed himself.

    Great, he thought menacingly, without a flashlight, how am I supposed to get through this forest?

    He sat himself down on a nearby boulder and surveyed his surroundings carefully. Not that much could be seen, but nonetheless, he stared, not to take in the environment, but to think of his next move. Because of this, he did not notice Cano and Scyko high in the trees, watching over him; his guardians.

    Cloud sneezed, rubbed his nose and continued to think.

    “OW!” he screamed in pain, rubbing the top of his head vigorously.

    He immediately turned his gaze skyward looking for whatever had hit him. But there was nothing. Just the same view he had seen before; branches and leaves and darkness. He lowered his gaze and went back to his thoughts, no longer wondering what hit him.

    Finally, after several long minutes of deep thought, he came up with a solution: go back home, and grab a flashlight…He really didn’t want to, because he was already deep in the forest, and turning back now would most definitely make him very, very late. But to continue blindly was a risk he was not willing to take.

    Cloud rose to his feet and grabbed his backpack, but the second he lifted it up it slipped from his hand, landing on its side with a loud clonk. Curious, Cloud opened the side pocket. Inside was a relatively new, black and red flame embossed flashlight, thicker than a pencil, yet no longer than a needle. He smiled to himself as he noticed a little note located in the same pocket that the flashlight had been. It read:

    Son,
    It's funny how you packed essentials for your trip (Pokéballs, Potions and the like) but you forgot to pack a flashlight >_<. What were you thinking? It’s a good thing I checked your bag before you left; you'd be going nowhere fast without one. It’s a pretty small flashlight, but don’t underestimate it; the light from this particular flashlight shines brighter than any other! I came across this light back during my journey. I remember training with Cano, and literally stumbling into an underground cave. Cano was still a little Growlithe at the time, but was as he has always been; overprotective, always jumping the gun, even before the trigger was pulled. When I awoke, we were already deep in the cave. It was dark in that cave, darker than a Scyko’s eyes…anyway I’m rambling point is deep in that cave was this flashlight, and with it, Cano and I were able to leave the cave. I’ve had it ever since that day, and it’s never let me down. Now, I am giving it to you my son. Hope your journey is filled with fun times, good friends and new sights to be seen.
    Chase


    “…Alright! I’ve got a flashlight!” Cloud shouted upon finishing the note.

    Then out of nowhere he struck a pose, holding the flashlight high in the air clasped in his right hand, with his left at his side, and his head looking up into the darkness, as if to show a giant his accomplishment. A look of confused embarrassment came across his face when he finished posing.

    “W-where did that come from? Well I’ll never do that again,” he finished quickly lowering his right hand and looking from left to right, as if someone somewhere could have seen him.

    “Let’s try this again,” he said to himself.

    He grabbed his backpack once more, daring it to fall again then swung it over his back. Still clutching the flashlight in his right hand he turned it on, and was amazed at how bright it was; the light from this little gadget shone as if Cloud held a little Sun in his hand. Everything from directly in front of him, to at least 5 yards was brightly lit, and clearly visible.

    “This…is amazing. So much power in such a little device! With this, I’ll make it in no time!”

    He leapt from the moss covered boulder onto a fallen branch, grinding his way toward the next boulder, unaware that he was being watched, being followed by his guardians.

    Earlier…

    Cano was helpless, his every move controlled by Scyko and his Psychic attack. Cano had leapt from his hiding place after thinking something terrible was about to befall little Cloud. Turns out, he had just sneezed; too bad Cano had already reacted. It was his nature and he had meant well by it, but because of his actions he was now hanging directly over Cloud, thanks to Scyko. Scyko had quickly reacted which wasn’t normal for him, and caught Cano above Cloud’s head. As quickly as it had happened, one might have thought it had been previously orchestrated; however Scyko was used to Cano’s over-reacting personality, and was therefore ready for anything.

    So there they were the three of them; one child and two full grown pokémon in the middle of a dark forest. To any passerby the scene would seem hilarious; there sat Cloud, deep in thought atop a moss covered boulder, with a full grown Arcanine floating mere inches above his head surrounded in a light blue aura similar to the one surrounding Scyko’s hand. Cano turned his head back toward Scyko, and curled his snout into toothy grin. A grin that sent a shiver down Scyko’s spine, making him lose his ‘grip’ for merely a second. In that second, Cano’s snout hit Cloud’s head. Scyko’s eyes widened, and he quickly regained his ‘grip’ on Cano. He lifted Cano quickly into the trees, making sure to hide himself and Cano from Cloud; he had merely wanted to watch over the young trainer till Barden Town, but Cano was making this continually difficult.

    Cloud hadn’t noticed them, and went back to his thinking. Scyko sighed and turned to scold Cano, only to find Cano breathing very heavily inches from his face. A worried look appeared across Scyko’s face, and he began to sweat profusely. Cano’s eyes were gone, replaced by complete and utter blackness; it was reeeeeeally scary. Scyko may have known to except anything and everything from Cano, but at this point he was completely stumped as to what Cano’s next move would be; and was a thought scarier than Cano’s eyes at this moment. The seconds dragged on, and soon Scyko had summed up enough courage to at least try to calm Cano.

    “A-al ala,” he said, his hands trembling in front of him.

    His efforts appeared fruitless; Cano’s snout curled ever more viciously with every word, his muscles tightening, his claws digging ever deeper in the branch of the tree on which they stood.

    He decided to add quickly, “ALAKA ALA AL! ALAKAZAM!”

    Cano seemed to take these words in, ponder them. Scyko began to breathe, slow and shallow breaths, but breathing nonetheless. Cano’s eyes lightened, his snout uncurled, his muscles loosen, and his claws retract. Then he did something he had never done before; he licked Scyko. Scyko was scared out of his mind. This was something he had never in his memory, seen Cano do. He wondered for a moment if it was a taste test; as crazy as it sounds, he wouldn’t put it past Cano.

    Cano flinched; or at least that’s what it looked like to Scyko. He failed to notice that Cloud was up and moving, seemingly ready to leave the area and continue to Barden. However, Cano saw and was ready to tail him. Scyko noticed this, and turned to the area in which Cloud was sitting…only to find that Cloud was no longer there! Scyko turned sharply, ready to have to rope Cano in, but saw that he was already following Cloud deeper into the forest. Once again, Scyko found himself lagging behind as he leapt from tree branch to tree branch.
    ________________

    Cloud was gaining speed and came close to losing control. At the speed he was going, that wouldn’t be a good thing. So he tried to slow down progressively, to maintain control. He continued to leap from branch to branch to boulder. Ahead of him was a large clearing, devoid of the boulders and fallen branches he needed to continue. Since he had his special light, he was a great distance away. This gave him the time he needed to think up a solution to his problem.

    He was closer now, and still had no idea how he was going to get across it. He was approaching fast; fifteen feet…twelve feet…nine feet…5 feet. Then an idea hit him as hard as that mysterious object did earlier. He switched from the branch he was on to one that curved upward because he would need as much a boost he could get. At the right moment, he leapt from the tip of the curved branch, and soared into the air. It was the most exhilarating, and positively frightening thing he had ever experienced. He couldn’t help but smile as he flew through the air. The branch he was aiming for was within his grasp. He reached up as far as his arms would allow, but grabbed nothing but air. And then a horrible realization came to him; he was dropping.

    His arms flailed as he dropped like a rock to the forest floor. He couldn’t tell how far he was from the ground, but guessed that it wouldn’t take long for him to reach it. And he was right. Within seconds, his body collided with the ground as he landed on his side. The air was knocked out of him as if a Graveler had tackled him directly in the stomach. He rolled for a few feet, then caught a bump and sailed into the air for a few seconds, then came back down, rolled and flipped. He came to a sudden stopped when he hit the trunk of a tree. Cloud’s head was still spinning, but his body was too thrashed to move anymore.

    Once his head stopped spinning, he felt the pain. It was unbearable! His whole body ached; he had never in his life felt pain even remotely close to this. And to top it off, he felt like he had to throw up. He leaned to his left, causing himself great pain in the process, and threw up. Afterward, he gathered all the strength left in his body, and pushed himself back against the tree. As he sat there, body throbbing, and vomit dribbling down his lip, he began to drift in and out of consciousness.

    No, he thought, I can’t pass out…I’ll never make it if I do…I…gotta…stay aw…awa…awake…

    And he was out like a light, slumped against the tree, battered and bruised. Meanwhile hundreds of yards away from Cloud were three people. Three dark people, faces concealed, and heavily cloaked walking slowly amongst the tall dark trees of the forest. They walked in silence, their cloaks swaying lightly with every step. Though their faces were concealed, it was easy to decipher their genders; two were female while one was male. This was clear by their physiques, though you had to look closely to see the differences between the three because the all were heavily layered by many cloaks.

    One of the women was tall, about five foot five, and appeared to be slender, though this was hard to tell due to the numerous cloaks she wore; the second woman was shorter than the first, but a bit taller than Cloud, and was a little heavier than the first; finally the man was tallest of all standing at least several inches above the taller female. From the looks of his cloak, he was rather muscular. Each of them held a duffel bag strapped on each of their backs. These bags seemed to be full, but of what was a mystery; finally, the smallest woman spoke, her voice soft and smooth with a hint of danger hidden within.

    “Myner, we have been walking for hours. Are we lost?”

    She had addressed the taller woman, who seemed to be their leader.

    The one called Myner responded harshly, “We are not lost. We’ve been walking for hours because this happens to be the largest forest in the region! What did you expect?”

    “I would’ve expected that we, as Shadows, could find an easier and faster way through this annoyance. I’m tired of all these trees, this dirt, this…nature,” she spat with disgust, “Why didn’t we just mow this forest down! Or better yet, find another way?!”

    This time the man spoke, his voice gruff and scratchy, yet calming; almost an exact opposite of the shorter female.

    “Because as Shadows, we are to attract no attention what-so-ever so that we remain Shadows, understand? That is why we’re walking through the forest, rather than destroying it. Besides, the ‘firepower’ we brought with us wouldn’t be enough to destroy even a square foot of land.”

    “Humph, I guess…whatever Syer, you’re always taking her side,” said the small woman.

    “Stop whining Niyimee! Just shut up and keep walking! You’re wasting your energy if you do anything else,” Myner shouted.

    If it was not clear before, it was now; Myner was their leader. Not only had she been walking in front of the other two, whatever she seemed to say last about a subject was what was accepted as the absolute end result. Neither Niyimee, nor Syer ever seemed to cross her. She didn’t look it, and there was no hint in her voice as there was in Niyimme’s, but she was not to be underestimated. Something about her could terrify even the most mentally and physically able. Emanating from her was raw power, and an unflinching determination to do whatever needed to clear anything and everything standing in her way. And no one was willing to stand in her way.

    “We better pick up the pace,” Myner said suddenly, “It’s getting dark-“

    “Oh, what a brilliant observation Myner, care to make another?” Niyimee mumbled sarcastically.

    Myner stopped and whipped around to face Niyimee and pulled off her hood concealing her face; she had light blue-green hair, bright hazel eyes, and sharper canines than most people. Her eyes had a light glow surrounding them, and her teeth were clenched tightly together.

    Through her clenched teeth, she growled, “What did you just say?”

    Niyimee flinched slightly, but regained herself and answered loudly, “Nothing…nothing at all.”

    Myner snorted, growled out something similar to ‘Good’, turned back around pulling up her hood, and continued to walk on. Niyimee glowered to herself and continued to follow Myner. They had a long way ahead of them.
    ______________

    When he regained consciousness, it was darker than usual; the thin spears of light no longer pierced through the treetops. Cloud was still a little woozy, his muscles still sore, and the taste of vomit still fresh in his mouth. He tried to stand, but to no avail. He came crashing back down to the ground. Pain shot up his body and lasted for about ten seconds. Once the pain had subsided, he began he second attempt. He tripped, but caught himself, and was able to finally stand while leaning against the tree. He looked from left to right, to regain his bearings. Then it all came back to him in one quick jumbled scene; everything from the jump, to him losing consciousness. He chuckled to himself, but stopped quickly and began to hold his side, because it hurt to laugh.

    The pain was excruciating and led him to wonder whether or not any of his bones had been broken. He had no way of knowing…at least not until he made it to Barden. No doubt however, that that little stunt of his cost him some time; so he wasn’t too keen on spending even more time in a hospital bed. If there aren’t any bones bursting through my flesh, he thought with a shutter, I good to go…as long as I don’t think up anymore brilliant ideas. He then prepared himself to continue his journey.

    As he pushed himself away from the tree, he wavered a little and almost fell! He ended up leaning on the tree again to regain his balance. Alright, once more, he said to himself, and pushed off the tree once more. But he had pushed a little too hard that time, and couldn’t catch himself this time. He stumbled for a few seconds, and eventually stood up, amazed at this sudden save. But then the pain came back, and he forgot all about his miraculous save. So he mustered all his remaining strength and began the rest of his long walk to Barden, holding his arm as he walked.

    Cloud may have been able to move, but that didn’t help him much; his movement was seriously hindered due to his bruised muscles. A Slowpoke could have made better time! But he continued on anyway, because he had made a promise to himself. So he trudged on, wincing at every step he took, whining at every tiny drop he came to. As careful as he was, he stumbled several times, and even fell to his knees. But he got back up every time; he was determined to make it to Barden.

    He walked for what felt like hours, taking his time walking slowly, lest he fall again. After walking about thirty minutes, he began to hear things; voices and the sound of footsteps over the forest floor. He tried to ignore them; he even told himself that he was imagining them. But as the voices and footsteps got louder and closer, he could no longer try to delude himself. There were others in Verd Forest. Though he had no idea of their intentions, something inside him told him to avoid their attention. He couldn’t quite place it, but whenever he heard their voices, his insides twisted and an unknown fear swept over him.

    Cloud began to panic and quickly looked from left to right, searching for a hiding place. With none in sight he was a sitting duck. But for what, he didn’t know…and that was what ultimately scared him the most. Realizing that he had no place to hide, he decided to head straight for them, whoever they were. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe the fear he felt was just his paranoia. Maybe they were actually nice people, people who could help him. After all, they seemed to be coming from Barden. So maybe they could tell him just how far he was from his destination.

    Cloud soon regretted his decision. The closer he got to them, the more his insides twisted, and he became more and more afraid. Their voices were closer than ever now; they sounded like they were right in front of him. They would be upon him soon. There was no escape anymore. He would soon find out their intentions, and his fate. He took one last step…and fell into a pit. He was surprised he hadn’t noticed this gaping hole, though it was disguised very well, not only because of the darkness, but also because of the gigantic tree that stood over it.

    Cloud hit the dirt floor and rolled. He rolled over soft dirt and jagged rocks. Rolling and rolling, he felt the skin on his arm tear, the stinging pain as dirt entered the cut, and the feel of a warm thick liquid, stream down his arm. Rolling and rolling, until finally coming to a stop directly underneath a log. He lay still for a while, practically in shock. But it was the stinging feeling in his arm that brought him back to reality. He sat up and looked at his arm; the clothing near his cut was covered in blood, but he couldn’t find the tear in his clothing. Apparently the rock tore his skin only. Thank God for small miracles huh?

    When he finally looked around, Cloud noticed that this place was completely hollowed out; all of the dirt underneath the trees roots had been removed. He even had enough space to stand up straight as an arrow. Once on his feet he remembered that he had no energy left, along with great pains left over from his tremendous fall before. Realizing this he hunched over grabbing his side in pain.

    Amazing what adrenaline can do to you, he chuckled to himself.

    At that moment he left some dirt and debris fall on his head. He looked up and finally noticed the log he had rolled under.

    It seemed it was placed there purposely; probably to hide the huge hole made by whichever species of pokémon dared to call this home. There were many holes in the log however, and it seemed that anyone or anything could look into these holes and see the pokémon’s home. Maybe that’s why it was empty now…

    Suddenly the light that came from the holes in the log was gone then back then gone, then back again. Cloud looked up in time to see wide cloaked figure walked over the hole. Cloud stood stiff as a board, and tears began to well up in his eyes. As he cried quietly to himself, one word escaped his lips… “Shadows…”

    ************************************************** *************************
    Well I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, took a while to write thanks to writer's block -_-; that damned feeling of no new thoughts coming into my brain...grrr...I rather enjoy the ending of this chapter more than the beginning. I included the little side thing with Cano and Scyko to delve deeper into their characters. They'll play big roles in the chapters to come. Well, I'll be waiting for any comments and critiques, if that's the right context to use the word in. Seeya soon ^.~!

    Chapter END

    Next Time: Confronting the Darkness
    It then turned to the female Shadow, who was still hunched over the duffel bag, and ordered coolly, “Kick it again.”

    She seemed to have no complaints this time, as she stood and violently kicked the bag once more. The mysterious pokémon yelped in pain when the foot made contact, and whimpered afterward. Cloud opened his eyes and mouth in shock. These people were truly heartless. She reared to kick the bag for a third time.
    Last edited by [Cano]; 7th March 2006 at 3:28 AM. Reason: forgot my sig <SCM> XP

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  10. #10
    ZeroGKikaider Guest

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    chapter 2 was dope keep up the good writing u were always the educated one out of the fantastic 3 and i was always the bad***** with a heart of gold

  11. #11
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    Yeah you were, and Dave was...what was Dave again? Oh yeah! The bodyguard of Dre and Em. Thank ZGK, knew I could count on you man. Come back for the other chapters, k?
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  12. #12
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    Very very nice! I like the story a lot so far. I like how you put a little bio of Cloud at the beginning with the info needed to make a clear mental image of the main character, and the events that will soon surround him. The only thing is,
    Thank god for small miracles huh?
    I would capitalize God. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

    Alice

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    I would too...
    *On Topic* I like it. That chapter was so long though. *gets dizzy* Can someone tell me who Cano is? I think it's a Pokémon, sorry if it isn't... >_> But I probably skipped part of where you tell us what Cano is... >_> Oh, wait- he's an Alakazam, right?
    -


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    Close blaze, but no cigar for you! Seriously, I wouldn't want to kill one of my reviewers xD anyways Cano is an Arcanine! xP here's what he looks like:
    Cano and Scyko
    The left is Cano, the right is Scyko. I own both of them xD and just so everyone knows, Cano isn't a shiny Arcanine, he color is entirely different...it more of a Pikachu color really.

    And thank you soo much blaze for reading, and you too mayonayz you guys rock and thanks for the great comments. Also, I'll change god to God xD sorry about that, I never know when to capitalize it and when not to xP akk, you guys discovered my weakness!! Don't tell anyone k? Hope you both come back for the 3rd Chappie. And I'll try not to make it too long, ok blaze xD I know how you feel. You guys rock, not because you gave me positive comments and priase, but because you even bothered to actually read and comment. Thanks...I apprieciate it a lot
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    Quote Originally Posted by SigCMugen
    Close blaze, but no cigar for you! Seriously, I wouldn't want to kill one of my reviewers xD anyways Cano is an Arcanine! xP here's what he looks like:
    Cano and Scyko
    The left is Cano, the right is Scyko. I own both of them xD and just so everyone knows, Cano isn't a shiny Arcanine, he color is entirely different...it more of a Pikachu color really.

    And thank you soo much blaze for reading, and you too mayonayz you guys rock and thanks for the great comments. Also, I'll change god to God xD sorry about that, I never know when to capitalize it and when not to xP akk, you guys discovered my weakness!! Don't tell anyone k? Hope you both come back for the 3rd Chappie. And I'll try not to make it too long, ok blaze xD I know how you feel. You guys rock, not because you gave me positive comments and priase, but because you even bothered to actually read and comment. Thanks...I apprieciate it a lot
    <SCM>
    Darn it. -_- I never even guessed Sycko was like 'Psycho' which is spelt similar to 'Psychic'. I think late these times.... *sigh*
    -


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  16. #16
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    Hee, thanks ok blaze, it happens to...to..oh crap, brain fart x( nevermind what I was going to say, point is, it's ok. I find it a little funny however ...sry if that makes me a bad person
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    LALA WTF SHADOWS!

    o_O And Mynar=Vampire in my opnion. XPPPPPPPPP Course, that could be just me. *whistles*

    Anyhoo, teh excellent. However, I suggest Cloud meet up with another person     Spoiler:
    that would be a good plot twist. All in all, it's good. Cloud....neh. He needs more thoughts to himself, more charie building stuff. Cano and Sycko rock though. ^_^ *holds up flag* GO TEAM GO!!

    Anyhoo, teh awesome.

    Toodles!

    (And I don't mind if you take mah word. xP Its just a word.)
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  18. #18
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    Hmm.. can't say it's original, but it is very, very good. It's not original, but it's differant.

    I'd go with Saber's idea. And make it so the two find a way to cure those who have become shadows.(it's like a curse isn't it?)

    Good length, description, humour and characters. The only improvement I can think of is give translations for Cano and Scyko.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

    This is really, really (gagged)

    I gagged Jack before he could say 'crap'. Anyway, don't listen to Jack. He makes the hot coffee guy look like Serebii.
    Pair Up: Shadowfaith, mess with her, mess with me.
    Old Name: Shiny Flygon

    Evidently, I'm back.

  19. #19
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    'Kay...I'm here on request. Where to start, where to start...

    Originality...Meh. It's a trainer fic, and there are tons of those out there. Trainer fics are, as many of us know, the most common types of Pokémon fanfiction, and they're getting very repetitive. It's the same old story: A kid wakes up on his/her birthday and goes to Professor [insert tree here]'s lab to pick up their first Pokémon and start their own journey, planning to become a Pokémon master. Most trainer fics never get finished anyway...But on the other hand, there does seem to be some sort of interesting twist with Team Silhouette and the Shadows, and plus, this is taking place in a new region. So, that helps to fix the unoriginal trainer fic plot...

    Your grammar and spelling were awesome...However, you do have quite a few small typos that should be edited. It's a common problem; it happens to everyone, so don't worry too much about it. The solution is to proofread very carefully before you post your chapters. Also, the word "Pokémon" is capitalized. But other than this, your grammar was great.

    Your description was excellently done. You elaborated very well on Cloud and his thoughts, the Pokémon, the settings, the mood, everything...Description is vital in fanfiction, and you have mastered the concept of it. Wonderful job on this part.

    The lengths of the chapters were perfect; not too short, not too long...Just right. You don't have any problems with your chapter lengths, so well done here...

    Overall, I'm rating your fic a five, even if this is a trainer fic; it's definitely one of the better ones I've read. You really are a talented writer. Just proofread before you post, keep your chapters good and long, don't lose that gift you've got for describing, and try not to let writer's block slow you down. Keep it up; I hope your fic will become as famous as epics such as The Legendarian Chronicles and The Quest for the Legends.

    ZR
    Last edited by Valkyrie X; 26th February 2006 at 4:55 PM.


    smug it up.

  20. #20
    lone_wolf816 Guest

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    This is a very interesting story and i like how you use a dark story! It seems like Cloud is... not very good at walking^_^But what really made me read thhis was your advertising! It was excellent(to bad i dont have one*sighs*) Anyway keep it up!


  21. #21
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    Hiya ^_~ Did a pretty good analysis of your fic. There were several things mentioned in the beginning of the Trainer Background Story review that also refers to the same things in the other chapters of your story. My first suggestion is that you always type your fic onto Microsoft Word or any other writing program that has a Spelling/Grammar check, that way you won't make the mistakes before posting. Then, just copy and paste the story from Microsoft Word (or other) into your post, and vwah-lah...clean-ish story:

    Trainer Background Story Review
    Very good, very good...this was exactly what I did in my first fic, and gives the reader a better understanding of the new world you are speaking of in your story. Here are some of the corrections I found:

    As a result, he grew up with no knowledge of Kanto, its people or its pokémon.
    Usually, in most fics, Pokémon is always capitalized. It's not necessarily required, but many find it appealing to the eye.

    He knows only the stories he was told while listening to the Hoothoots sing their nocturnal lullaby.
    lol, I feel so horrible XD This is not a very large mistake, but the correct spelling is "Hoot-hoot." Also, when referring to the plural form of any Pokémon's name, the singular form is also the same as the plural, so you can simply leave it "Hoot-hoot."

    Woo...you survived that pretty well XD

    Chapter 1 Review
    I found some grammatical errors. Other than that, I love the plot...it is going along like a Trainer fic, but with a new twist and an evil team bent on causing mayhem and evil. Shweet Good character development, I might add:

    He gazed aimlessly wondering, What am I supposed to see?
    A small mistake...I believe you were trying to show the reader a character's thoughts. In this case, put their thought into italics so it will look more clean and does not get confused with the author's text.

    Hold on there son.
    God, I feel terrible for correcting you ;-; When a person is speaking to another person, and says something to them before catching their attention with their name or title, always put a comma between the phrase and the name/title, like so:

    Hold on there, son.
    Happy birthday, you strange person.
    Why are you staring at me like that, Munchface?
    See? lol...

    He is known to many as “The Next Gen”, which meant "next generation", and "next genius".
    Always put the punctuation within the quotes, and never put punctuation after the quotes. E.g. I went to the store and bought two "dinglebergs." instead of: I went to the store and bought two "dinglebergs". Whether it be periods, commas, semicolons, or colons, always put them into the quotes if it should follow one.

    Chapter 2 Review
    I've already noted all of the grammatical errors in your story, so I'll just go straight with your overall review:

    The plot is thick, and I just love reading the conversations between the characters. The fact that the Team Silhouette shadows change can confuse me at times (a good thing), and the Pokémon have as good personalities as the actual characters, which is rare in a new fic. I believe you're doing a slendid job, but to avoid all the chaos I stated above, always type your chapters into Microsoft Word first, correct it with the Spelling/Grammar check, and then you'll be set. A good story always needs to be clean-cut and correct, so it will look appealing to those who read it.

    Keep up the good work
    ~Chesh

  22. #22
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    Talking Spank Choo Berry Muchly Y'all

    WHOA!! Where to start...from the beginning I think xP

    xXSaberXx: GAHHH!! I have...no idea ;>>...what <<; you're talking about.     Spoiler:
    And Myner's teeth aren't THAT long xDDDDDD just longer than normal. And Cloud is a lone person...he keeps to himself (even in a 3rd person perspective xD ) but maybe he'll open up a little more...who knows? Oh wait, I KNOWS ;P hehehe ;D Thanks again for reading, I apprieciate it.

    Shiny Flygon: Originality = not meh huh? Well can't say I like hearing it, but I suppose it's true huh? Ah wellz it's ok. And I was thinking whether or not to translate for Cano and Scyko...I'm not to sure, (Cano looks up. Oh I want to hear this.) because I think that leaving them un-translated (for lack of a better word...seriously xP ) gives the reader more control over the story, by filling in the blanks with their own dialogue (Oh come ON!! That's BS and you know it!! "Shush Cano!"). But I'm still considering it. Thanks I apprieciate it!

    Alto Mare Warrioress: Me grammar wear awezum?!?! Haha, sorry, I know corny, but I am a corny person. Anyways, I'm very happy you think that. I've kinda always had a nack for reading and writing and spelling, though I no where near being 'awesome.' (<--Chessy -_~) Also, I purposely didn't capitalize Pokemon...I don't know why exactly, so I'll fix it xD and wow! An honest good review! W00T!!! DDDD Thanks a lot, I really apprieciate it. And it's actually just Silhouette...no Team, it makes it sound like they're just messing with ya...and they're not -_-;;

    Lone Wolf816: WOW!! A reviewer I didn't have to bribe!! DDDDDDDDD *slips you that 20 I promised xP* Well I'm glad the ad does its job...I think I'll keep it then. And thanks for reading And hey, he fell...and it hurts *grabs his side* to walk ^-^

    The Cheshire Cat: Thank you. You found the mistakes I let slip (not let as in on purpose, but...nvm you know). I actually do type it out in MS Word first. But for some reason, when I Copy and Paste, the things in Bold, Italics, and Underline don't stay that way. And thanks for clearing those two things up for me; the adressing issue, and the quotations issue. Oh and Hoot-Hoot (I'm so ashamed xD *hides in stupidity*). I'll make sure to fix that, thanks. I really apprieciate you review.

    Everyone, thanks soooo much. I apprieciate every single last review You guys are great! DD Seeya soon with the next chapter!
    <SCM>
    Last edited by [Cano]; 28th August 2005 at 10:14 AM. Reason: messed up Cheshire's name xD forgive me!!

    <Current Chapter>
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  23. #23
    Insincerus Guest

    Default

    lmao, Sig

    If you want to make things Italic, Bold, or Underlined, use these tags before and after typing the text you want Italicized/Bold/Underlined (note: take out the asterisk "*" for the real code):

    Italics:

    [I*]I wonder what's in that pile of dung?[/I*]

    Without the *:

    I wonder what's in that pile of dung?

    Bold:

    [B*]This is very important.[/B*]

    Without the *:

    This is very important.

    Same thing goes for the Underlines; just use the letter "U" in place of "I" or "B." Understand? kewl

    Good luck with the fic

    ~Chesh

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Where I sleep.
    Posts
    560

    Thumbs down Ignore post icon :p

    You mean like this? OMG, I would have never guessed. only kidding Cheshy (may I call you that?) and on a different note, I would like to name a few Fakemon that will appear as some 4th generation submissions:
    Tundras and its pre-evos by SuicuneZ
    Reynile by Chibi Pika
    Glacien and it's evo by kalken
    Anhel and its evos by me
    Spectren by me (again)
    and this little guy by me as well (no name as of yet)
    and some that escape me at this particular moment xP (turns out, there weren't anymore xD I'm such a ditz)

    If you have any Fakemon, please PM them to me, I definitely need them!! I'm hoping to fill at least 40 more slots out of the 100 new ones that would be in the 4th gen (my guess, not an assumption). The reason I'm using around 50 of them instead of all, is because that's a lot to include, and our hero won't have anywhere near all of the new gen Pokes, let alone see all of them. Though I will accept at least 100 entries for mentions and such, but not full in depth descriptions of all of them so the first 50 will be the lucky ones I guess. So, start submitting and I'll seeya soon, as always.
    <SCM>

    PS: I will try to obtain sprites of these great Fakes.
    Last edited by [Cano]; 29th August 2005 at 11:45 PM.

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  25. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Journeying through Hoenn
    Posts
    4,959

    Default

    Wow. Very awesome fic ya got there. Jah. Took a trainer fic and twisted it, adding in some originality.

    Description was great, and there was just the right amount. Sometimes your descriptions of Pokémon were a bit weird and you could have found better words to use (such as tuffs or plates) to describe


    Characters were great and pretty nicely developed, but I found it weird that Cano and Scyko were colored oddly. I liked how they had totally different personalities, making them an interesting pair. Interesting how Cloud only kept them, huh?
    Humans were also very good, nice job portraying those Shadows. Cloud seemed very mature for 9, though.



    Just a few mistakes I found-

    Today was the day his 9th birthday.
    It should either be ‘Today was the day of his 9th birthday.’ Or ‘Today was his 9th birthday.’ But I’d stick with the first, because the second one sounds less sophistamacated (otherwise known as sophisticated).


    “Dad, I told you, I’m getting my first pokémon today, remember?” Cloud complained.
    I think instead of ‘complained’ it should be ‘whined’ or ‘moaned’. He didn’t make a complaint, he stated a fact.


    He also wore black shorts that stopped above his knees, and wooden sandals that looked more appropriate on a samurai than him; and Cloud looked very little like his father.
    There should not be a semi-colon. You’re talking about Chase and suddenly you’re saying Cloud didn’t look much like his father. Two subjects, should not be in the same sentence. I’d suggest something like ‘…samurai than him. Cloud on the other hand, looked nothing like his father.’ Or something along those lines.


    If there aren’t any bones bursting through my flesh, he thought with a shutter, I good to go…as long as I don’t think up anymore brilliant ideas. He then prepared himself to continue his journey.
    A few things here. First, as already pointed out, thoughts should be either in Italics (Chesh showed you how to do that) or with quotation marks. If you do it with quotations, only use one instead of two, so we know it’s a though, not spoken.
    Second, a ‘shutter’ is something you have on a window. The word you’re thinking of is ‘shudder’.
    Then Cloud though ‘I good to go’ when it should have been ‘I’m good to go’.
    Also, I believe ‘anymore’ should be two words: ‘any more’.
    Lastly, ‘He then prepared himself’ should probably be ‘He then readied himself’.


    At that moment he left some dirt and debris fall on his head.
    I’m not sure what you meant here, but I’m sure you didn’t mean for the word ‘let’ to be spelled ‘left’. Unless you meant that ‘The moment he left, some dirt and debris fell on his head.’ Yea, I’ll go with the second one. So just take out ‘At that’ and replace it with ‘The’. Yea.



    That’s everything I could find. You sometimes forgot to capitalize ‘Silhouette’ and ‘Shadow’ (or just Silhouette…meh). Yea, it should be spelled ‘Pokémon’. I saw another mistake near the end of the third chapter (I think), but when I tried to Copy it, the computer refused to continue working unless I closed that window, so I lost it. >.<



    Hmm, what else to say? The fic has enough realism, but how come they lowered the age to become a trainer? Cloud just turned 9, correct? I’d expect that with an evil organization kidnapping children, the government would make the legal training age higher. o.o



    Well, that’s the end of my review. Very nice fic you got there, thank you for recommending it to me. And mayo, Chessy, funny meeting you two here! Mayo, you never read random fics, only the ones that some people ask you to read! This must be like a whole new you! *claps on back*

    So yea SCM, keep up the great work, and…see you around!
    *teleports away*
    ~Psychic

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