Hey! So I've seen you all over the fanfiction forum, but I've never checked out your fics until now. Too bad, too, 'cause I'm really enjoying what I'm reading! You have a nice pacing, good description, and charming characterizations.
So, I guess I'll get in to it.
I loved this introduction that you have here. I’m not sure where the story is going, but I love the world you’re depicting of what I assume is deep inside Shoal Cave. I liked the segments where you introduced new concepts about life to Solonn. The seclusion and resulting ignorance is a very interesting topic to play with. I do enjoy how Azvida is shown to be kind to the Zubat at the end, depicting the delicate balance of nature that you went over in the beginning.
So, first scene: Solonn’s nineteen now. Seems like a bit of a big jump, but I’m tracking with you. I like the concept of having the memory loss, but it didn’t quite land with as much impact as it could have. I felt like I wanted a small scene before where it showed Solonn’s last memories before his assumed abduction, and then have that lead into the scene you have. I think that such a scene would have helped the audience relate more fully to Solonn’s initial confusion and get a better sense for what his loss of memory was like, but I digress. Anyway, I wonder if the abduction has anything to do with the father? Hm…
In scene two, the first thing I noticed was the mention of Azvida’s protectiveness. At this point, I think I’m getting a better feel for her character. Of, course, I forgot all about her once Zyrzir showed up…
Oh, Lord! I love Zyrzir. He has absolutely the perfect personality for a Zubat – quick and flighty. I love his quibbles and mutterings. What a fun little guy. I hope to see more of him. Interested to see what happens with this whole voice imitation thing – or whatever it may be.
Scene three with the sister… hmm… It’s interesting to see how afraid the snorunt are of the glalie, even though she is one of their own kind. I look forward to seeing whether it is just because it’s her (being evil incarnate can have that affect I conjecture) or if it’s a tribal thing: glalie are just feared by the younger people.
Now that I’ve finished the chapter, I can tell you that I really like where this is headed. The capture scene was well executed, and it leaves me very curious as to where you will be going with this. By the way, Kashisha’s a jerk, but you already knew that
That's all I can do for now, but I'll try and take this a couple of chapters at a time. I don't usually start fics that are already this far along, but this is proving to be a nice read!
Ordinarily, with my reviews, I'll do a little Grammar Nazi section at the end, but you didn't have any errors that I saw with my initial read-through, so props to you (or your Beta, or whatever)! I could do a more thorough sweep and nitpick, but I've got thirteen more chapters to go, haha. If I find any errors in other chapters, I'll be sure to point them out though.
A fine job here, and I look forward to finding out what everyone else on this thread already knows!