Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Shadow Beauty [ONE-SHOT]

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default Shadow Beauty [ONE-SHOT]

    This is the revised Shadow Beauty, adding in a bit more feeling and emotions portrayed by that Gyarados. Yes, I want to win awards for one-shots, and I think this'll be a great revised one to vote for. ENJOY!

    SHADOW BEAUTY
    Melancholy. Impalpable.

    Atrocious. Provocation.

    These words were permanently locked inside of my head as my lengthened body floated in the cerulean ocean, still from any motion. My heart pounded whenever thinking about how appealing I was; I would find myself hiding underwater from humans, hoping their taunts and laughs wouldn’t be heard. Throughout life, I learned to worship how ugly I was, since that was what I was. Hideous is such a strong word for one Pokčmon or person to use, but it was the perfect word to describe me. Beautiful was not what I considered myself being, since I was indeed not attractive.

    It was more of a death-like curse; I had so many reputations as a naturally-born evil Gyarados, why would I be considered attractive like others, such as Bellossom or Milotic?

    A pasty-white smolder powerfully sprayed my hurtful eyes as a stream of water encased the lower section of them, readying themselves for a emotional waterfall. Subsequently, tears rolled down my rough cheeks, the white shade softening from my vision and completely evaporating into oblivion. A moderate haze circled around my body as the drops of warm water crashed into the empty, sparkling ocean and combining with the water body.

    I glanced around dejectedly, my cobalt-colored scaled body paralyzed under the dark moonlight sky. As the stars brimmed with ceaseless energy above me, burning in hot white fire, my scarlet eyes glittered and looked around. I closed them, malicious depression flaring up inside. I could feel dark energies flapping over my skin, ugly elements of life wandering in my head. It felt as though everyone knew I was ugly, even though I thought I was the only one.

    Every Pokčmon, every human; they all knew how atrocious I was, so why could I face them and say I was stunning?

    I was indeed in the worse state; could I live another day feeling this way?

    I was very fortunate to live the years that I did, but my time was nearing. I needed to leave this Earth, and move on to a place where I could stay miserable for eternity. It would at least save everybody from witnessing my ugly descriptions.

    A spark enveloped my scales as I sadly stared in the water, a reflection of myself displayed in the ocean. I could feel my bones shaking, my head hurting intensely. My heart felt cold, and my breathing was beginning to slow down. Everything was falling into place, and I wouldn’t stop death at this moment. However, my supernatural powers kicked in and saved me; the yellow sparks shattered from my structure, leaving golden glitter to dance across my scales. I glared back in the cerulean sea, a slight smile lifting my lips. I witnessed myself again, only this time, more attractive than before.

    I felt…normal.

    For the first time in my life, I felt as though I was at least average-looking, something I could work on from there.

    Was this for real? Had the sparkles brought out my beauty inside?

    I was about to scream of my joyous future when one heartless, shivering word reeked in my head, damaging my thoughts and tossing them away so easily.

    Illusion.

    This was indeed an illusion, and I didn’t want to be tricked. I just had to give in; some things weren’t meant to be beautiful, and others were. I was not beautiful. I really was not gorgeous. Or was I?

    Beauty came in so many shapes, forms, sizes, colors, textures; everyone had to have it except for me. I considered myself attractive at one time, and those were the happiest days of my life. I could remember myself talking with one Pokčmon, playing with humans, even sometimes battling other Pokčmon.

    But that feeling somehow faded away and never returned, so I set myself aside from others to save them the burden. Somehow, some way, I needed to unlock the beauty inside of me; it would lift my confidence, and boost my spirit into ecstasy.

    But could I? Would I have the guts to look deep inside of myself and say that I was fairly striking?

    I heavily closed my eyelids, a faint whisper traveling inside of my ear. I had to say that I was beautiful. Otherwise, my confidence would completely fade away, and I would go into a deep depression state. I didn’t want to follow that path anymore, but the chances were likely. The light whisper coincided with the beating of my racing heart, creating a musical tone altogether. Suddenly, all went silent as a silver key was pictured in my head, turning to the right before disappearing.

    A black shadow, shaped exactly like my snake-like body, floated in my mind, staring with angry golden eyes. Using my deep intelligence, I shot my eyes open, my breathing becoming harder and harder. I felt very different; it felt like I had gotten worse. I unlocked something that needed to stay away from me. I felt worse. I felt like I was going to evaporate into the ocean, never to be seen again. However, I could admit one thing; beauty came about.

    Even though I felt worse, I did feel beautiful. You might not understand, but I felt like I was more confident about myself in a dark way. But I strategically thought for a second; beauty came in some many forms, maybe mine was of a new structure.

    But why did I feel beautiful, yet more depressed than before? I was positively confused as I stared into the sparkling ocean. I saw an improved reflection of myself; I had indeed gotten beautiful.

    I don’t know how, but it felt like shadow beauty came into me. It wouldn’t be the best kind of beauty, but it would at least satisfy me. Shadow beauty. The words echoed in my head as I blinked my sparkling scarlet eyes. I was positively satisfied; shadow beauty made me feel better with attractiveness, and that was all that mattered.

    A settling silvery haze drifted above the open water body, sparkles dancing across the haze as the moonlight’s glow sprayed the vapor intensely.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    At first, I was like, "I read this story before . . ." all stupid-like like that and then I was like, "Who is this Serpent Syra?" and then I was like, "Hang on, it's Ry! Dude! Liek, oh mah gawd!"

    Anyways . . .

    As always, your fantastic description doesn't cease to surprise me and the Gyarados' reflection on its shadow beauty was a nice, added touch. I also like how it lingered on complimenting itself and stating that it was actually beautiful. This version gave more of an insight on why it saw itself as beautiful unlike last time.

    Ja.

    *hates being rusty at reviewing and shuts up*

    On another note, Ry > Breezy. AND YOU CAN'T GO TO SLEEP ON ME THIS TIME EITHER!

    LaTeR dAyZ!

  3. #3

    Default

    Wow, I had no idea my awards would bring out so much. Escpessially on the very first day.

    Wow, I seem to be bringing the best of people.

    And the among the best this is.

    Description is top notch. The meaning clear, beauty may seem to be what you are missing but when you finally feel you're beautiful, it doesn't make you feel happy.

    Beautiful.
    I'm not here
    (This isn't happening)

    Slipstream - A Cherry Red Gibson

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    *head explodes*

    *falls to floor sobbing*

    Why? Why? Why do your descriptions kick as so much more than everyone else's?

    This brings back old memories, since this was the first story of yours that I had read. I remember reading this and thinking, "Damn, this guy is good." and then posting a review.

    You've done the original story proud. You improved and expanded upon it with wonderful emotion and description, and if this does not garner in a few nominations I shall go rampage with the home-made hairspray/lighter/rubbing alcohol flamethrower. 8D

    Wonderful work, Ryano! *bites anke*

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Sometime in someplace
    Posts
    525

    Default

    Hey, I'll review this this time.

    Oh, and I found one mistake because that's my job.

    However, I could admit one thing; beautiful came about.
    Shouldn't it be beauty came about?

    Other than that, great one shot. It really is better than the first time around. Now if I would stop being lazy and look for mistakes more often; and if XD001 would stop stalking me. Three weeks it's been on the smilies list everytime I reply.


    PS- Your other name was cooler...
    Is all the innocence of once seen gone? Can it ever truly be recovered? Fighting to the end, will the shadows always overcome? Or will the flames of the past reclaim their lost goals?

    Still here, still a lurker; as always.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Where no one can find me...
    Posts
    2,313

    Default

    *feels relieved*

    "Wow" is all I can say. I don't remember a lot about the original story, but I know this revised edition is at least equal to it, if not grandly improved. You continued to send chills up my spine, and the mood was dark and beautiful, entrancing me.

    One question: Did you ever finish this series? o.O;


    ~*~
    epona, epona, soba ni oide,
    futari de ireba, kanashiku nanka nai
    dakara, epona, koko ni ite
    watashi no uta wo kiiteite ne



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lilbluecorsola
    *feels relieved*

    "Wow" is all I can say. I don't remember a lot about the original story, but I know this revised edition is at least equal to it, if not grandly improved. You continued to send chills up my spine, and the mood was dark and beautiful, entrancing me.

    One question: Did you ever finish this series? o.O;
    ^_^;; Funny how you bring that up...X_X;

    Actually, I left the series alone because my one-shots tend to fall into a more emotional mode; I'm experimenting with different writing styles, so I never took the time out and finished the series. I've been working on a few new ones, however, such as Childhood & I and The Dance. Both sound plainly stupid, but I plan to rock the emotional waves in your brains. >:3 Thanks for reviewing, Blue!
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  8. #8
    jirachiman876 Guest

    Default

    Why??? Why do people not tell me these things??? You changed ur name and no one tells me. I didn't recgnixe it until you mentioned ur one-shot and blue said who you are.
    Anyway. I did notice new stuff in this one-shot but nothing really changed. It was all good and very well described. I found two things that confuse me.

    a deep depression state.

    I think that it's depressive state.

    A settling silvery haze drifted above the open water body, sparkled dancing across the haze as the moonlight’s glow sprayed the vapor intensely.

    This whole sentence kinda threw me off. It was confusing. What sparkled, dancing across the haze???

    Well, now to your new fic that also was never mentioned to me.
    jirachiman out

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jirachiman876
    Why??? Why do people not tell me these things??? You changed ur name and no one tells me. I didn't recgnixe it until you mentioned ur one-shot and blue said who you are.
    Anyway. I did notice new stuff in this one-shot but nothing really changed. It was all good and very well described. I found two things that confuse me.

    a deep depression state.

    I think that it's depressive state.

    A settling silvery haze drifted above the open water body, sparkled dancing across the haze as the moonlight’s glow sprayed the vapor intensely.

    This whole sentence kinda threw me off. It was confusing. What sparkled, dancing across the haze???

    Well, now to your new fic that also was never mentioned to me.
    jirachiman out
    Thanks for the review, Jirachiman. ^^ The first, I'm not very sure about it, it could sway either way, but for the second, it was suppose to be sparkles. ^^ Once again, thanks again. And I would have told you about my recent username change, but I thought you weren't returning for a very long time. I would have eventually PM'd you, however, and informed you. Again, thanks a bunch!
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    1,984

    Default

    *Okay. You've got to come up with the most effective, most thorough, most exultant words to praise what you have just read. This work deserves sheer poetry. Come on. Think. Let your words be a symphony unto this author...*

    ...Dang.

    -_-; Okay, not exactly a poetic evaluation there. I'm afraid this piece may have burned my brain for a while. Not only has it got the preternatural caliber of description that I have come to know and adore from you, but what we also have in this piece is just a straight-up excellent psychological study. *Note to self: Go with first-person if you ever go and do one of these. Nothing conveys the mind quite like the mind itself.* Yeah, you inspire me to take a lot of notes. ^_^ A very good read, and one of those things which I just know is going to come back to my mind at a later date on an even deeper level; one of those things with a nice "aftershock" that makes you go "Whoa..." upon reflection. Kudos!
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner
    *Okay. You've got to come up with the most effective, most thorough, most exultant words to praise what you have just read. This work deserves sheer poetry. Come on. Think. Let your words be a symphony unto this author...*

    ...Dang.

    -_-; Okay, not exactly a poetic evaluation there. I'm afraid this piece may have burned my brain for a while. Not only has it got the preternatural caliber of description that I have come to know and adore from you, but what we also have in this piece is just a straight-up excellent psychological study. *Note to self: Go with first-person if you ever go and do one of these. Nothing conveys the mind quite like the mind itself.* Yeah, you inspire me to take a lot of notes. ^_^ A very good read, and one of those things which I just know is going to come back to my mind at a later date on an even deeper level; one of those things with a nice "aftershock" that makes you go "Whoa..." upon reflection. Kudos!
    Why thank you, Sike, I really appreciate your compliment. I wrote the original version earlier this year, probably around February or March. Then, when I saw the Summer Fiction Awards and discovered that it needed more work, since I improved from then, I went ahead and revised it. I loved the concept; the fact that many don't find Gyarados beauty sparked attention, but more came once finding out how Gyarados don't even find themselves beautiful. I was thinking about revising my other two One-shots, Emerald Showers and A Pink Sea, but both are in the Completed Fic Section. ^.^; Again, thank you very much.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  12. #12
    (Red) Guest

    Default

    Wow! That's good. But in my opinion you took too much time describing things, and not enough time continuing the story. I don't like to have to read that much to proggress through five minutes of the story...(It kind of bores me) I suppose it is a one shot...
    ~ Pikaaaa...

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by (Red)
    Wow! That's good. But in my opinion you took too much time describing things, and not enough time continuing the story. I don't like to have to read that much to proggress through five minutes of the story...(It kind of bores me) I suppose it is a one shot...
    ~ Pikaaaa...
    I didn't describe things, I was explaining the Gyarados's emotions. In the original, it jumped straight through, in which I definitely liked, but I learned to describe more of her feelings. So, honestly, the story wasn't suppose to do much but explain the main actions that happen, thus leaving me the open opportunity to describe more about she felt. But, that is your opinion and I'm completely fine with that. ^^ Thanks for the review, Red, I appreciate it.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    882

    Default

    Ooh, I like, I like. You described the emotions particually well, and the scenery was quite good. You never cease to amaze me Syra ^^.

    The shadow beauty bit was quite interesting. Great story - I never read the original though. =/

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Drayano
    Ooh, I like, I like. You described the emotions particually well, and the scenery was quite good. You never cease to amaze me Syra ^^.

    The shadow beauty bit was quite interesting. Great story - I never read the original though. =/
    The original was quite similar, I just added a bit more rich description as well as applying in-depth emotions, which is basically explaining about the Gyarados's feelings and thoughts. The scenery could have been better, I was thinking about putting her in an abandoned swamp, but I thought about it and just left her in the empty, vast ocean. ^^ Thanks for the compliment and review, Drayano, I really appreciate it. ^^
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •