Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst 1234
Results 76 to 94 of 94

Thread: Requiem of a Dream

  1. #76
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    wrong one.
    Posts
    1,293

    Default

    sparing area
    sparring area, I think you mean.

    I really like Pollux--the whole "think a lot, and THEN act" isn't seen a lot. maybe I've missed it, but I REALLY like Pollux.

    I'm still wondering what the main antagonism is gonna be....

    but I'm sure that it'll be great.

    btw, the new Retribution is up. Link is in your banner in my sig.



    thanks again for the banner.
    Following in His Footsteps--Rising from the ashes of defeat, a young girl must rise up to fill her father's shoes, and face his legacy.

  2. #77
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere dreaming forever
    Posts
    511

    Default

    That was a great chapter. I loved all of the wonderful details. I could really picture all of those Absol in my mind. The fact that they have fights with each other feels really original. After this chapter, I really like Pollux more than before. It feels like he is the wiser twin. I also feel like his appearance as a shiny pokemon may give him more insight on things than the other Absol. It also made me think that many of them stay away from him because of his appearance. Anyway, this was a wonderful chapter and I look foreword to reading the next one.
    Claims: Yami Yugi[Bishie Thread 2.0] Ashita Tenki ni Shite Okure[Favorite Anime Song Thread]

  3. #78

    Default

    *Goes to kill typos*

    Thanks for your reviews! ^^...

    Ratiasu: The meaning of Etude is just below the chapters name (in italics). But the meaning is, again (or rather, what it is) is: A short musical composition meant to investigate a particular problem of technique

    Sike: 0_o.. Wow.. you like Saif.. ^^ And no, I'm not getting any ideas. >.>..... and as for whether or not we'll see more of him? Well, at this point, he's still quite minor, but he does make an appearance again.

    Shiny Mightyena: I shall get your banners done, soon. ^_^ In any case, thanks for the suggestions - I took them and edited them in.. ^_^ Thanks a lot.

    SnoringFrog; Thank you! I'll send my opinions of the segment you sent me soon. (Quite busy At the moment)

    Overwheaming Latias: Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate it. I'd have your banner done, but life's been busy.. X.x

    Rani: Hmm.. I've never read the Dragonlance books. ^_^ And yes, all the chapters are Musical terms - and the title means something too..

    I'll edit my other responses in.. but I have to go

  4. #79
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Yo Mama
    Posts
    55

    Default

    Excellent Saffire, I can feel something building and I can't wait for the story to really get going.

    I like the way Pollux was able to analyze the battle, and had come to the conclusion of blindness. Usually people say their character is observant but don't really back it up, unlike you. I like the little society the absol have too, the idea around the sparring and its rules is good.

    I also noticed some typos, but since I read it yesterday (I had to go to bed, school ya know) I can't remember where they were.

  5. #80
    Calcos the Destroyer Guest

    Default

    Yay, I'm back! And I'm certainly not dissapointed! Though the whole thing seems to have taken place before the prelude...

  6. #81
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    53

    Default

    Sorry I'm late! I'll edit this post later- don't have time to read the chappie or write. Be right back!
    Last edited by Nirarekdan; 14th February 2006 at 4:03 AM.

  7. #82

    Default

    Cheshire Cat: Thanks. ^^ I'm glad you liked Overture.

    Katiekitten: Thanks for reviewing! o.o *wonders why everyone likes Saif*

    Ash_Junior: The Main antagonist? Well, you'll be surprised, though the real antagonist is very different then what might be previously thought... you'll see why.

    Hidden Mew Yes, Pollux is the wiser twin - through and through. He and Castor are extremely different, despite being twins and growing up in the same environment. I've tried my best to reveal some of Castor's motivation for what he wants to do at this point.. And I will tell you right now, that his being 'shiny' has nothing to do with his intelligence. :3.. he wasn't going to be shiny until I read something about the star he's named after.. Pollux - part of the Gemini constellation (The twin is of course, Castor). The star Pollux is described as the 'red' star... So.. that was my entire motivation for him being shiny.. nothing more. ^^

    BenJS: TYpos.. yes, there are some assuredly. I'll kill them as soon as I find them. ^^ Thanks for the review!

    Calcos: Yes, this takes place /before/ the preview. It always was meant to be that way, but to make the beginning a bit more clearer, I added a slightly new intro to the Chapter of Overture, though it's your choice whether you read it or not - it won't change you're reading of the story..much.. and it will in no way affect the ending.

    Nikarekden: (Sorry if I spelt your name wrong) ^^ It's okay, you don't have to review right away.. I know it takes time.

  8. #83
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hobart, Tasmania.
    Posts
    75

    Default

    Hey, nice chapter. Very exciting, really nice description. I won't do such a detailed review today, um, because, um...I don't feel like it. I found heaps of typos, shame on you, but I've got heaps of typos in my story too- it just makes it look all unprofessional, so don't be lazy and go through and fix them. I think your battle sequences were brilliant, especially Saif and Na'thingy. You did a fantastic job at building tension and keeping the action going right through.

    Pollux's character is obviously very specific. I hate him, Pollux the pillock, I wish he'd get off his high horse and say something useful once in a while. That's not the the way everyone is taking Pollux, but people who act like they're so smart they're better than everyone else automatically piss me off, so be careful not to overdo that part of his character, if you want your audience to like him. I related to Castor a lot more, however, because of his arrogant, self-conceited twin and the way he acted in the flashback bit. I say someone smack Pollux in the face, he needs someone to put him in his place. That line about "I make mistakes, but I don't let people see them'- ohhh, I read that and I felt like swearing! People get good by making mistakes, and stay bad by worrying too much about making mistakes, and embarrassing themselves! Gosh, people! It's just embarrassment, it's not pain. Some people.... or pokemon, in this context. Pollux is obviously not as wise as he makes out to be; or maybe, and I suspect this is the case, this is simply the Absol way.
    Fingers crossed castor breaks the mould.

    I loved your plot development with Saif and the recount ofthe battle, the story is progressing nicely. I'd like to be able to have some kind of idea where it's headedat this stage though, this'll be what I'll be expecting out of chapter three.

    I have absolutely no problem at all about how long you take to write a chapter, but if I have to wait a month and then its full of errors, I wonder what you've been up to. Unfortunetaly, people have lives, so I forgive you. I'm not gonna tell you the typos I found, coz unless you go through the whoel story looking for them (don't scan, actually read the whole thing) there'll still be more I missed.

    Your description has become much less overdone, much more subtle, more more professional, and this is a very impressive chapter. I look forward to chapter three.
    Here are my two fics, one short, one long. Have a look, tell me what you think.






    Saffire Persian, of course. Isn't she marvellous?

  9. #84
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    53

    Default

    Okay, I've finished reading the chapter and I'm ready to write- 9/10. A few spelling errors, but nothing major. A very intriguing chappie overall, and I like it. The characters are very interesting, and different from what I'd expected in personality. Pollux seems almost philosophical, and Castor.... well, I'll wait until the next chapter before trying to figure him out too much. ^^; but a very, very good chapter.

  10. #85
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Utopia
    Posts
    190

    Default

    Typo killer to the rescue!

    that free of the plentiful rocky dividers that made the mountain cave into something of a labyrinth.
    Try was in between that and free.

    to where a hole existed in the in the stone partition.
    Take out the extra 'in' and 'the'

    Na’ir was left stumbling as he scrambled to maintain the balance as he tried to turn around.
    Having two of these sort of disrupts the flow, you could try replacing the first set with a comma.

    giving Na’ir only a few seconds to respond and block the incoming attack.
    “I, well –“
    “But …“
    You have one of your speech marks the wrong way.

    wonder exactly how he had managed to make a fool of himself
    It had been a night like this one.
    Anyone, Castor was quite sure
    that made him to rise to his paws and follow through his idea that day
    No need for the extra to.

    as well as made him more determined to prove him wrong.
    Shouldn't it be 'making him'?

    flowing through his veins for a few a precious moments
    No need for that A.

    Castor struggled to rise to his fee
    To his feet.

    Right. Apart from all the mistakes, a lovely chapter. I find Pollox quite intriguing with al his wisdom. He seems like those wise sages you always seem to find on the top of mountains XD. He also has a mysterious feel about him.

    The battle scene between Saif and Na'ir was beautifully described. You could feel as if you were in their position and the fact that they were of the same type only added to the skill required.

    And now, I leave you with my favourite quote:

    “I’ve made mistakes, Castor, many times,” Pollux replied, his jade eyes shining with sudden, cunning light, “I just don’t let anyone see me.”
    ~B.E
    Friend Code : 4038 - 7395 - 4082

  11. #86

    Default

    cyndaquil_dratini: As this chapter was originally part of chapter one, there wasn't a lot of plot material. Next chapter will clear that up.

    Pollux's character is obviously very specific. I hate him, Pollux the pillock, I wish he'd get off his high horse and say something useful once in a while. That's not the the way everyone is taking Pollux, but people who act like they're so smart they're better than everyone else automatically piss me off, so be careful not to overdo that part of his character, if you want your audience to like him. I related to Castor a lot more, however, because of his arrogant, self-conceited twin and the way he acted in the flashback bit. Pollux is obviously not as wise as he makes out to be; or maybe, and I suspect this is the case, this is simply the Absol way.
    Fingers crossed castor breaks the mould.
    I thought some people would say Pollux was conceited, I was waiting for it 0_o.. but oddly no one has except you. Now I get a chance to explain - I will say that he is a bit conceited, but not as much as you're making him out to be. His dialogue says that, and it sounds very much conceited - and that is exactly what Castor made of his brother at the time - an arrogant, conceited jerk. The thing is - most Absol are extremely truthful by nature - harshly and bluntly so. So, Pollux's comments were less of him really being conceited, and more or less just telling Castor exactly what he thinks, and being truthful about it. Pollux probably wouldn't have said all the things he said if Castor did not 'ask'.

    And you'll find many of the Absol are like Pollux, just this clan's way of life. The next chapter will go more in depth about that.

    Nikarekdan: Thanks for the review! Yes, I seem to have had many spelling/grammar mistakes in this chapter.. X.x I miss them when they're right in front of my face... makes me wanna go hit my head into the brick.

    Blackemerald: Thank you for pointing out all those dang spelling mistakes and such - my proofreading eye is horrid... and I hate it. I appreciate you taking the time to point them out so I can go and murder them.

  12. #87
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Canalave City.
    Posts
    2,209

    Default

    FINALLY! I finished reviewing Requiem of a Dream.

    Jesus, I love your description. It tears through the heavens, boils the undeworlds, and brings a hint of malevolent that is filled with spices of loveliness and beautifulness. What I love is how you carefully use the choice of words, and what you tend to describe more thoroughly than other factors in the story. I loved the beginning of the prologue with the maelstrom of activity, and the way you brought Castor into the story was brilliant. But again, I must comment on your description - it rocks. Majestic. Elegant. I love it as much as french-vanilla ice cream. It sends chills up my spine, and your details is the ONLY one that does that to me. I have finally found description that is just absolutely wonderful. The best around here in my opinion.

    Characters - I love Saif, Na'ir, Castor, and Pollux. Castor is much more complex and complicated, and his way of thinking is just flawless. The Absol clans are interesting, and I love the idea that Pollux is a twin of Castor, and yet, they are the Gemini Twins. I would have never expected a writer to use that, and it was complete unexpected, but nevertheless, a unique factor that adds to the uprising mystery. (Must I write again about how much I love your details?) There were some mistakes, a few in which indeed pierced my heart, but I overrode the feeling and successfully read the two chapters and the Prologue. I would love to see more of Saif, because out of all the Absols thus far, Saif's the most interesting one. Indeed, place him in more chapters.

    ~ Serpent Syra
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  13. #88

    Default

    XD.. For only having one line of dialogue, people sure do like Saif.

    Yes, they're named after the Gemini twins - well, more or less the constellation rather than the Greek myth. All the Absol are named after stars.. 0_o... call it an odd endulgence of mine if you will. ^^ I'm glad you liked my description, I tried the best.

    And yes, there are probably quite a few mistakes hiding from me underneath all the narrative... Everyone has to have a weak point, I suppose. For me, proof-reading is one of them.. I hope I'll get better at it. Because I do try to catch my errors.. Though sometimes I wonder what I'm doing wrong with missing all of them..

    Bugs the heck out of me, too. Thanks for your review! Hopefully I'll have chapter three up soon!

  14. #89

    Default

    OMG this is f***ing awesome Saffire Persian


    |x|Credit|x|

  15. #90

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Master-Puru XD
    OMG this is f***ing awesome Saffire Persian
    Umm.. Thanks. ^_^ I appreciate your review.

  16. #91
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Queensland, Australia
    Posts
    262

    Default

    There's only one thing I can say about the beginning: Kill that stupid Mawile!!
    Now, onto the chapters: Castor and Pollux? I've heard those names before. Where? Where have I heard them? Shiny? Shiny Absol?! I love shiny Absols. Give me that shiny!!

    *hugs Saffire for being such a superb writer and gives a cake* Ahem, I will get around to finishing my review tomorrow.

  17. #92

    Default

    Aww, but I liked the Mawile. XD

    Castor and Pollux are the names of two of the stars in the Gemini (Twin) constellation. Which is where I got my names from - Pollux is, believe it or not, a "red" colored star, which is why I made Pollux shiny. ^^ It fits his namesake.

  18. #93
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Oztralia
    Posts
    692

    Default

    Told ya I'd review! ^_^

    Now, all I can say is wow. That was one of the best chapters I have read in a pokemon fanfiction. The depth you give to your characters...it amazing. I love it. You have fleshed out the characters of Castor and Pollux fantastically. I can honestly say that you had my eyes on the screen the entire time, which is rare for me. I love Pollux. I especially love his lines. He is so down-to-earth and logical, yet mysterious and strange. I <3 him.

    Castor, on the other hand, is just as interesting. You can see he resents his way of life in the Absol clan, and wants to make something of himself. I like the way you make his character address certain factors of Absol life with resentfulness and anger. He is a free spirit, that's obvious. I am thinking a confrontation with Saif (interesting name) is on the cards now that he knows about that particular weakness?

    Speaking of a battle, that one between Saif and Na'ir was very well described and documented. I could visualise the fight between the two Absol in my mind perfectly from the way you described it. I have to say, I am in love with Pollux. I just adore his personality and uniqueness as a character. To me, Castor fades into the background compared to him (which I'm sure would not impress Castor XD).

    Once again, I can find nothing to critisize (damn you) and eagerly await the next installment to this lovely work of fanfiction.

    Yours faithfully,

    -

    P.S. I love the way you use musical terms at the beginning of your chapters...awesome. I could never do that. ^_^ Kudos to you!
    [IMG]http://i41.*******.com/5bxx86.png[/IMG]
    they see me rollin'
    they hatin'


  19. #94

    Default

    Time for shameless bump!

    Typhlogirl : I'm glad someone likes Pollux - some people seem to think "annoying" right off, which surprised me. ^^ I like him a lot, a bit more than Castor actually. And perhaps Castor and Saif will meet again, maybe not. But that weakness is something to keep in mind.

    An update will come... sometime. o.0

Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst 1234

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •