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Thread: The Upholder of Duty

  1. #1
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    Post The Upholder of Duty

    Whee, this is my first fic in the forums! I do get rather noobish at first, but bear with me; the later chapters become satisfying enough. And remember this:

    NO SPAMMING!

    Also, a few points to remember-

    1. Be as brutal as you like in your criticism, as long as you have a suggestion that could make my writing better. For example, saying my fic sucks and telling me what field to improve my writing in earns you 3 cookies, but just saying it sucks and nothing else will earn you 6 cookies that cause you to die a horrible death due to the wonders of radiation.

    2. This fic is currently rated PG for minor violence (nothing even the most squeamish reader can't take) and has no spoilers unless you've been sitting under a rock since the beginning of time.

    I think that's all, so I'll stop blabbering and get to business.


    The Upholder of Duty


    "May it be an evenstar
    Shines down upon you;
    May it be when darkness falls
    Your heart will be true.
    You walk a lonely road;
    Oh, how far you are from home..."
    - May it Be, Enya


    Chapter 1: Of Mysteries And Prophecies



    Pyrocomende the Salamence looked like a ghostly spectre as she nursed the Pokémon egg in her lap. It was a cold night, and cool breezes frequently wafted throughout the dark cave that she had come to consider her home, so the to-be mother was on her guard, ceaselessly protecting her child from the cool air currents that got stirred up as a result of some complicated formula her own mother had once taught her in her childhood. It was a widely known fact that heat was essential for Salamence embryos. If even a little bit of cold reached them, it could reduce or even wipe out the ancient Dragon energy residing inside their bodies. And though it is true that this powerful asset continuously swells inside any normal Dragon–Type with a stable diet, having less of it would slow down the production of energy; and if the Dragon possessed none, he wouldn’t even be able to make any of it.

    What on earth am I thinking of? Pyrocomende snapped out of her thoughts. She couldn’t afford getting lost in thought that easily; she had to stay alert. Although she was aware that mothers experience aimless mental wandering for a while after laying the egg (usually the phenomenon wore off after the egg hatched), she was still alarmed by the fact that, at any random moment, she could start involuntarily thinking about Pikachu and her neighbours and whatnot. She could already see the more visible effects of post-egg fatigue; the eyes under her fire red eyebrows – which stuck out rigidly – had dark circles, her neck (that had a ring of four long spikes and two short ones arranged geometrically at the nape) had a dull, continuous ache; the wings, shaped like the blades of axes, were getting slightly harder to flap, and she always felt tired. The doctors were a bit baffled about why there was nothing abnormal about her long tail, but still, they assured her that everything was going to go back to normal in a few weeks.

    Probably.

    Suddenly Pyre (as the pregnant Salamence was often called) heard noises of activity. The creak of the back door, a series of footsteps. She readied herself for battle, anticipating rouge Pokémon, and then, out of the darkness of the residential hallway, which led to every house in the cave, a large, familiar figure entered.
    “Tempicon!” Pyre exclaimed. “Don’t scare me like that!” Tempicon was the name of Pyre’s life mate, or ‘husband’ as some Pokémon call it, and a proud member of the Salamencian military’s Alpha Force, a collection of some of the world’s best Salamence.
    “Sorry, I didn’t know,” Tempicon apologized, then continued, “but that’s not important. I just received an order from General Atmos. He says that our forces are holding their ground against the Ninjask invasion, but there have been too many casualties. He’s sending Beta Force as reinforcements into the battlefield, and since I doubt you’d be able to keep our egg nice and safe while you charge into legions of ninja–bugs that move at the speed of light, he has decided on taking a volunteer from Alpha Force. A volunteer who just happens to be me.” He said all this casually but quickly, as if he wanted to get it over with as fast as he could.
    Pyre looked at him reproachfully; she knew from experience that going out there could be fatal, and anyways, she wouldn’t mind some company in the loneliness of the cave.
    Tempicon sighed. “Don’t blame me, you should have seen the speech he gave before he asked us if any of us at Alpha wanted to take your place! It was simply impossible to refuse!” He marveled for a moment about the massive amount of energy that went into laying and taking care of a Pokémon egg, for the sole cause of Pyre’s immaturity was fatigue.

    “It’s all right, I didn’t mean to make you upset! I forgive you.” Pyre said.

    “Wow, the great Pyrocomende finally forgives and forgets,” Tempicon teased. “You got disoriented by my good looks, didn’t you?”

    Pyre smiled. This was what she loved the most about her life partner, the fact that no matter what situation, he would never completely lose his exuberance.

    “Anyways, I have a lot to do and very little time, so, if you’ll excuse me, Your Highness…” Tempicon trailed off, then strode back out of the residence.

    “Good luck in the battle!” Pyre called.

    “Thanks!” shouted a faint voice from the other end of the hallway.

    Pyre settled back down into her seat. She truly worried for Tempicon. He had gone to fight a very dangerous battle, as was often the case if you picked a fight with a horde of Ninjask. But the Salamence army hadn’t done that; the Ninjask had come to the cave on their own. No one (save for the Ninjask themselves) knew why they did it, but two days ago there had been six Ninjask trying to enter the cave. When they were refused, they attacked Delta Force. While Delta Force called for reinforcements, more and more Ninjask started appearing from seemingly nowhere, until it was full-scale war. She tried asking around, but no one seemed to know why the Ninjask were so keen on getting inside the cave – and why had she been calling it ‘the cave’ so much? She very well knew that it was called Serafoculaton! Worried both about the situation outside Serafoculaton and the condition of areas inside herself, Pyre shifted in her chair and hoped the battle would continue smoothly. It was going to be a very long night.

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*

    Fen was bored. Very bored. He had been waiting inside an alcove – no, a niche – on the inner wall of that godforsaken cave for Weng knew how long, and that too cramped in with his annoying partner-in-war, who couldn’t help but keep his mouth in motion – no matter what sound came out. Trying to cover Fong’s mouth with his wings but only succeeding in amplifying his partner’s whispered hisses of I’m-so-bored-I’m-so-bored-I’m-so-bored and so on, he wondered when the guards at the main entrance would get called into battle so the duo could slip into the inner rooms.


    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*


    A few hours later, Pyre woke up to the sounds of movement. She heard the distinct rustle of wings, a rustle that was so silent and rapidly beating that it would be inaudible to most Pokémon, but to Pyre, it was as clear as day. She pondered over what the creature could be until she heard what was unmistakably a whisper.

    “Can we come in now, Fen?” said the voice.
    “Be quiet, Fong, or she’ll hear us!” hissed another. Apparently there were two.
    “I think she already did!”
    “Don’t be stupider than you already are, and stop speaking!”
    “Why do we have to hide like this? It’s cramped!” wailed the first voice.
    “I’m telling you, shut your mouth! We need to have the element of surprise!”
    “Why?”
    “So if we find she’s not the one, we can make a smooth exit, idiot!”
    “Oh, I see.”
    “Yeah, you see. You see nothing! I’m not supposed to have to tell you that this is the right time to come out!
    “Sorry!”
    “No time for sorries, we’re coming out on one! Three-“
    “Well, how else could I say I’m sorry?”
    “Just leave it! Two-“ He was getting quite loud now.
    “Oh, all right.”
    “ONE! AND ACTUALLY DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME!”

    Two Ninjask burst into the room, their golden stripes gleaming in the dim firelight.

    “Hi, I’m Fen!” said Fen.
    “And I’m Fong!” exclaimed Fong.
    “And we’re Duo No. 600!” they chorused.
    “Man, we really need to get a better introduction,” Fen groaned.
    “Not to mention a cooler duo name,” added Fong

    Pyre interrupted their conversation. “What do you want?”

    They ignored her. “Fen, can you see the egg? Oh, wow, it’s right there. And it’s so shiny! Let’s get it and get out of here!” Fong blathered on.
    “Idiot! That’s what I’m doing! Let me concentrate so I can do a good Focus Energy!” replied Fen.
    “Oh, okay. But why are you starting to glow red? It’s scaring me!”
    “That is the Focus Energy, dimwit! Now shut it so that I can Slash really good!”

    Pyre felt a pang of indignity. That was her egg, the future victim of Fen’s Slash! She couldn’t let this happen!
    As Fen delivered the striking blow, a blur of red and blue appeared in front of him, and before he could do anything to stop himself, he felt his clawed arms hitting toughened Salamence skin.

    The attack didn’t even leave a scratch.

    Then, out of nowhere, another Ninjask came into being. It was a perfect copy of Fen, but it was translucent, as if it were a ghost. The Fen-ghost raised its arm, its body radiating a sort of phantom energy, and Slashed Fen in a ground-quaking Counter attack, sending him tumbling into the opposite wall. Enraged, he started darting around the room, stopping for only a moment at one of four points on the room before moving again to the next one, and continuously increasing his speed – until it seemed like there were four copies of him circling Pyre.

    The very same Salamence Fen was using Double Team (or Quadruple Team) on was baffled at what attack to use. She tried to shoot Flamethrowers at the Fens, but most of the time they simply dodged it, and in the other times her attack actually went through them. Throughout her efforts, her skin grew more and more irritated, as if she had a growing rash. She ignored it though, and continued trying attacks at the copies, but to no avail. The irritation increased until it was painful and almost unbearable, and only then did she figure out what it was.

    Fen was very pleased. He had started a Fury Cutter Flurry, a technique he had invented himself. That move, coupled with Double Team, was almost foolproof, unless he was subdued or Knocked Out before he could finish it, and since Pyre neither showed any signs of using a decent move nor looked like she could take much more of his attack, he was almost certain he would win the battle.

    Then, Pyre was struck with an idea. She knew she could perform it, and it would be just the thing she needed to gain the upper hand and possibly win the battle. It was fixed – she would do a Lock On, a move which she had been neglecting for a while because of the uselessness of it, but was now starting to seem very useful. Determined to protect her child no matter what, she reared back her head and sent an almost invisible chain of ectoplasm at the Fen in front of her. It passed straight through the duplicate and disintegrated. She was not surprised; out of the four copies, three could attack but not be attacked, and one physically existed. It was that one copy that she needed to attack in order to attack Fen, and it was probably the key to defeating him. Every fibre of her being screaming in pain, she tried Lock On again.

    It was her third try when she hit gold.

    The third chain connected with the real Fen and latched on, having no plans to release its bond until the next move was played. And it did. Pyre made no hesitation in sending a Hyper Beam after the Lock On. The attack swerved as Fen tried to dodge it, the phantom chain its guideline, and struck Fen straight on, making him fall to the floor, unconscious.

    However, the Hyper Beam exhausted whatever little energy Pyre had remaining and left her on the edge of consciousness. Barely able to stay awake, she saw Fong coming out of the little crack in the wall he had been hiding in for the duration of the battle, walk across the room until he reached the egg, stop to do a war chant that went something along the lines of I did it, I did it, I’m a hero, I’m a hero, and start a Headbutt on the egg. He stopped again, then muttered, “Hey, that feels weird,” and abruptly went completely rigid. He then said, “What’s… happening to me?”

    Pyre could see what Fong meant. His eyes were starting to become hazy, and he stopped flapping his wings, struggling as if unable to. All of a sudden, the whole cave was filled with a female voice. It was alluring yet repulsive. Beautiful yet disgusting. It started speaking in ancient Alakazam about life and death, male and female, about the dualistic world all living things lived in and the perfect, harmonious balance it symbolized, and then it started singing.

    “If ever the world should come to harm,
    And everyone have to come to arm,
    The Protector will make Hope flags unfurled
    And resolve and restore peace to the world.

    “If The Protector should come to harm,
    Perhaps some noble deed gone wrong,
    Into activation will come a charm,
    A charm that conquers… Fen and Fong!”



    Even before the last strains of singing had died out, a shadow figure appeared above them. Disguised by the darkness of the room, it was difficult even for Pyre to see. While Fong hazily returned to consciousness, Pyre squinted up, trying to discern the shape of the figure. But, as hard as she tried, the Salamence’s eyes just couldn’t comprehend it. It seemed that the creature – could it be called a creature? It was so shapeless – was simply beyond the scope of seeing, hearing or smelling, as she soon figured out. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it dived headfirst into the two Ninjask, gruesomely but cleanly hacking them into two equal halves. But the Ninjask did not bleed – they did not bleed like normal creatures did, anyways – they seemed to bleed a blinding light, which quickly engulfed them and made it impossible to see – anything. When the light died down, there was nothing there – just an empty block of air where Ninjask used to be.

    The creature then turned to Pyre.

    “Are you from the Atmocomende clan?” It spoke without a voice, as if it was not a living thing that was saying these words. “Born of the couple that seemed to die twice and be reborn again? Did the song that just played talk about a charm or spell and speak the names of the ones who put your egg in danger?”

    “Everything you said is true, but why do you want to know?” Pyre asked wearily through half-closed eyes. She wasn’t lying; it was physically impossible for Pokémon to forget their own clan, her parents did experience all that (although she would rather not think about that, those times had not been very pleasurable), and she definitely hadn’t imagined the events that had just happened.

    “I am bound by duty to keep the information you seek secret, but if I truly am right, then I’ve finally found the answer to the prophecy. After your egg hatches, send him as far up the Path as you can, then, on the dawning of his Almicon Pahos, come to my home in Desert Island, immediately south of the Glalie Province and east of the Volcano Sea – Salamence! Salamence! Don’t go yet, I have matters to discuss with you!”

    Pyre didn’t care. She was about to faint and escape her pains for the amount of time it took to find and revive her, and she was more than willing to. But just as the comfort numbed her injuries, she felt a Sitrus berry being forced into her mouth, and she was roughly thrown back into consciousness.

    “As I was saying,” the creature continued, “at the evolution before Almicon Pahos, give him three Enigma berries. Bear in mind, the only way to keep his growth proper is to follow what I said. If you ever fail to, and you see the consequences of your actions, get him directly to me. Only I will be able to help him.”

    It started to turn back into the shadows.

    “Remember, three Enigma berries at Betalcon Pahos and a visit to Desert Island at Almicon Pahos. If you do not follow my instructions, you and your son will have to come to me or pay for your ignorance.”

    “Wait! Don’t go! There are so many questions left unanswered!” Pyre called, but the creature paid no attention. Within a moment, he was gone, seemingly having melted into the wall, leaving Pyre with only a memory and an uneasy sense of foreboding as she drifted into unconsciousness.



    Tell me what you think!
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 22nd October 2006 at 5:38 PM.

  2. #2
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    is this ur first? cuz this is really good. great deescription and length and i really was able to understand the story. good job!

  3. #3
    mindripper Guest

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    Some mistakes first, mostly to do with flow and the like:

    Two Ninjask burst into the room, their golden stripes gleaming in the dim firelight.
    I really feel that you should add more to this description. It does have an impact, and cannot stand as a paragraph on its own.

    It was fixed – she would do a Lock On, a move which she had been neglecting for a while because of the uselessness of it, but was now starting to seem very useful
    I do not know if this is the best way to get your point across. I want to be pleasantly shocked, and by divulging the aces up your characters' sleeves, are you not impeding your story's own value? Just my opinion.

    Besides those two mistakes, and some niggling spelling errors which I will not correct, but will instead ask you to use a spell check on, I felt that this work was reasonably well done, and if done correctly, with improvements made in all areas, could turn out to be a good read for people who follow it. Good luck.

  4. #4
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    bLASTOIse MAsTer: Thanks! *gives two normal, radiation free cookies* But really, although this is my first fic, it's not the first story I've written, as I've said; I did have some practice writing stuff for school and for fun (though I've forgotten most of the stuff I learned through experience when I got bored with writing).

    mindripper: See, that's the stuff I was asking for when I wanted constructive criticism. *gives the three cookies he promised* I'll fix those things whenever I get anything better.

    Also, spelling errors? I put it through the spell check about three times before I posted the chapter, and I fixed everything. Still, there must be some mistakes. Can you point them out?

  5. #5
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    I'm impressed. This is one of the few first fics that had promise and showed true effort on the forum. Lately I've been seeing n00blike fics, but yours is...

    Anyway, down to business. Mindripper covered it. XD But I'm a nitpicker today, so....

    Pyrocomende the Salamence looked like a ghostly spectre as she nursed the Pokemon egg in her lap. It was a cold night, and cool breezes frequently wafted throughout the dark cave that she had come to consider her home, so the to-be mother was on her guard, ceaselessly protecting her child from the cool air currents that got stirred up as a result of some complicated formula her own mother had once taught her in her childhood. It was a widely known fact that heat was essential for Salamence embryos. If even a little bit of cold reached them, it could reduce or even wipe out the ancient Dragon energy residing inside their bodies. And though it is true that this powerful asset continuously swells inside any normal Dragon – Type with a stable diet, having less of it would slow down the production of energy; and if the Dragon possessed none, he wouldn’t even be able to make any of it.

    What on earth am I thinking of? Pyrocomende snapped out of her thoughts. She couldn’t afford getting lost in thought that easily; she had to stay alert. Although she was aware that mothers experience aimless mental wandering for a while after laying the egg (usually the phenomenon wore off after the egg hatched), she was still alarmed by the fact that, at any random moment, she could start involuntarily thinking about Pikachu and her neighbours and whatnot. She could already see the more visible effects of post-egg fatigue; the eyes under her fire red eyebrows – which stuck out rigidly – had dark circles, her neck (that had a ring of four long spikes and two short ones arranged geometrically at the neck-to-head joint) had a dull, continuous ache; the wings, shaped like the blades of axes, were getting slightly harder to flap, and she always felt tired. The doctors were a bit baffled about why there was nothing abnormal about her long tail, but still, they assured her that everything was going to go back to normal in a few weeks.

    Probably.

    Suddenly Pyre (as the pregnant Salamence was often called) heard noises of activity. The creak of the back door, a series of footsteps. She readied herself for battle, anticipating rouge Pokemon, and then, out of the darkness of the residential hallway, which led to every house in the cave, a large, familiar figure entered.

    “Tempicon!” Pyre exclaimed. “Don’t scare me like that!”

    Tempicon was the name of Pyre’s life mate, or ‘husband’ as some Pokemon call it, and a proud member of the Salamencian military’s Alpha Force, a collection of some of the world’s best Salamence.

    “Sorry, I didn’t know,” Tempicon apologized, then continued, “but that’s not important. I just received an order from General Atmos. He says that our forces are holding their ground against the Ninjask invasion, but there have been too many casualties. He’s sending Beta Force as reinforcements into the battlefield, and since I doubt you’d be able to keep our egg nice and safe while you charge into legions of ninja–bugs that move at the speed of light, he has decided on taking a volunteer from Alpha Force. A volunteer who just happens to be me.” He said all this casually but quickly, as if he wanted to get it over with as fast as he could.

    Pyre looked at him reproachfully; she knew from experience that going out there could be fatal, and anyways, she wouldn’t mind some company in the loneliness of the cave.

    Tempicon sighed. “Don’t blame me, you should have seen the speech he gave before he asked us if any of us at Alpha wanted to take your place! It was simply impossible to refuse!” He marveled for a moment about the massive amount of energy that went into laying and taking care of a Pokemon egg, for the sole cause of Pyre’s immaturity was fatigue.

    “It’s all right, I didn’t mean to make you upset! I forgive you.” Pyre said.

    “Wow, the great Pyrocomende finally forgives and forgets,” Tempicon teased. “You got disoriented by my good looks, didn’t you?”

    Pyre smiled. This was what she loved the most about her life partner, the fact that no matter what situation, he would never completely lose his exuberance.

    “Anyways, I have a lot to do and very little time, so, if you’ll excuse me, Your Highness…” Tempicon trailed off, then strode back out of the residence.

    “Good luck in the battle!” Pyre called.

    “Thanks!” shouted a faint voice from the other end of the hallway.

    Pyre settled back down into her seat. She truly worried for Tempicon. He had gone to fight a very dangerous battle, as was often the case if you picked a fight with a horde of Ninjask. But the Salamence army hadn’t done that; the Ninjask had come to the cave on their own. No one (save for the Ninjask themselves) knew why they did it, but two days ago there had been six Ninjask trying to enter the cave. When they were refused, they attacked Delta Force. While Delta Force called for reinforcements, more and more Ninjask started appearing from seemingly nowhere, until it was full-scale war. She tried asking around, but no one seemed to know why the Ninjask were so keen on getting inside the cave – and why had she been calling it ‘the cave’ so much? She very well knew that it was called Serafoculaton! Worried both about the situation outside Serafoculaton and the condition of areas inside herself, Pyre shifted in her chair and hoped the battle would continue smoothly. It was going to be a very long night.

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*

    Fen was bored. Very bored. He had been waiting inside an alcove – no, a niche – on the inner wall of that godforsaken cave for Weng knew how long, and that too cramped in with his annoying partner-in-war, who couldn’t help but keep his mouth in motion – no matter what sound came out. Trying to cover Fong’s mouth with his wings but only succeeding in amplifying his partner’s whispered hisses of I’m-so-bored-I’m-so-bored-I’m-so-bored and so on, he wondered when the guards at the main entrance would get called into battle so the duo could slip into the inner rooms.

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*

    A few hours later, Pyre woke up to the sounds of movement. She heard the distinct rustle of wings, a rustle that was so silent and rapidly beating that it would be inaudible to most Pokemon, but to Pyre, it was as clear as day. She pondered over what the creature could be until she heard what was unmistakably a whisper.

    “Can we come in now, Fen?” said the voice.

    “Be quiet, Fong, or she’ll hear us!” hissed another. Apparently there were two.

    “I think she already did!”

    “Don’t be stupider than you already are, and stop speaking!”

    “Why do we have to hide like this? It’s cramped!” wailed the first voice.

    “I’m telling you, shut your mouth! We need to have the element of surprise!”

    “Why?”

    “So if we find she’s not the one, we can make a smooth exit, idiot!”

    “Oh, I see.”

    “Yeah, you see. You see nothing! I’m not supposed to have to tell you that this is the right time to come out!"

    “Sorry!”

    “No time for sorries, we’re coming out on one! Three-“

    “Well, how else could I say I’m sorry?”

    “Just leave it! Two-“ He was getting quite loud now.

    “Oh, all right.”

    “ONE! AND ACTUALLY DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME!”

    Two Ninjask burst into the room, their golden stripes gleaming in the dim firelight.

    “Hi, I’m Fen!” said Fen.

    “And I’m Fong!” exclaimed Fong.

    “And we’re Duo No. 600!” they chorused.

    “Man, we really need to get a better introduction,” Fen groaned.

    “Not to mention a cooler duo name,” added Fong.

    Pyre interrupted their conversation. “What do you want?”

    They ignored her. “Fen, can you see the egg? Oh, wow, it’s right there. And it’s so shiny! Let’s get it and get out of here!” Fong blathered on.

    “Idiot! That’s what I’m doing! Let me concentrate so I can do a good Focus Energy!” replied Fen.

    “Oh, okay. But why are you starting to glow red? It’s scaring me!”

    “That is the Focus Energy, dimwit! Now shut it so that I can Slash really good!”

    Pyre felt a pang of indignity. That was her egg, the future victim of Fen’s Slash! She couldn’t let this happen!

    As Fen delivered the striking blow, a blur of red and blue appeared in front of him, and before he could do anything to stop himself, he felt his clawed arms hitting toughened Salamence skin.

    The attack didn’t even leave a scratch.

    Then, out of nowhere, another Ninjask came into being. It was a perfect copy of Fen, but it was translucent, as if it were a ghost. The Fen-ghost raised its arm, its body radiating a sort of phantom energy, and Slashed Fen in a ground-quaking Counter attack, sending him tumbling into the opposite wall. Enraged, he started darting around the room, stopping for only a moment at one of four points on the room before moving again to the next one, and continuously increasing his speed – until it seemed like there were four copies of him circling Pyre.

    The very same Salamence Fen was using Double Team (or Quadruple Team) on was baffled at what attack to use. She tried to shoot Flamethrowers at the Fens, but most of the time they simply dodged it, and in the other times her attack actually went through them. Throughout her efforts, her skin grew more and more irritated, as if she had a growing rash. She ignored it though, and continued trying attacks at the copies, but to no avail. The irritation increased until it was painful and almost unbearable, and only then did she figure out what it was.

    Fen was very pleased. He had started a Fury Cutter Flurry, a technique he had invented himself. That move, coupled with Double Team, was almost foolproof, unless he was subdued or Knocked Out before he could finish it, and since Pyre neither showed any signs of using a decent move nor looked like she could take much more of his attack, he was almost certain he would win the battle.

    Then, Pyre was struck with an idea. She knew she could perform it, and it would be just the thing she needed to gain the upper hand and possibly win the battle. It was fixed – she would do a Lock On, a move which she had been neglecting for a while because of the uselessness of it, but was now starting to seem very useful. Determined to protect her child no matter what, she reared back her head and sent an almost invisible chain of ectoplasm at the Fen in front of her. It passed straight through the duplicate and disintegrated. She was not surprised; out of the four copies, three could attack but not be attacked, and one physically existed. It was that one copy that she needed to attack in order to attack Fen, and it was probably the key to defeating him. Every fibre of her being screaming in pain, she tried Lock On again.

    It was her third try when she hit gold.

    The third chain connected with the real Fen and latched on, having no plans to release its bond until the next move was played. And it did. Pyre made no hesitation in sending a Hyper Beam after the Lock On. The attack swerved as Fen tried to dodge it, the phantom chain its guideline, and struck Fen straight on, making him fall to the floor, unconscious.

    However, the Hyper Beam exhausted whatever little energy Pyre had remaining and left her on the edge of consciousness. Barely able to stay awake, she saw Fong coming out of the little crack in the wall he had been hiding in for the duration of the battle, walk across the room until he reached the egg, stop to do a war chant that went something along the lines of I did it, I did it, I’m a hero, I’m a hero, and start a Headbutt on the egg. He stopped again, then muttered, “Hey, that feels weird,” and abruptly went completely rigid. He then said, “What’s… happening to me?”

    Pyre could see what Fong meant. His eyes were starting to become hazy, and he stopped flapping his wings, struggling as if unable to. All of a sudden, the whole cave was filled with a female voice. It was alluring yet repulsive. Beautiful yet disgusting. It started speaking in ancient Alakazam about life and death, male and female, about the dualistic world all living things lived in and the perfect, harmonious balance it symbolized, and then it started singing.

    “If ever the world should come to harm,
    And everyone have to come to arm,
    The Protector will make Hope flags unfurled
    And resolve & restore peace to the world.

    “If The Protector should come to harm,
    Perhaps some noble deed gone wrong,
    Into activation will come a charm,
    A charm that conquers… Fen and Fong!”


    Even before the last strains of singing had died out, a shadow figure appeared above them. Disguised by the darkness of the room, it was difficult even for Pyre to see. While Fong hazily returned to consciousness, Pyre squinted up, trying to discern the shape of the figure. But, as hard as she tried, the Salamence’s eyes just couldn’t comprehend it. It seemed that the creature – could it be called a creature? It was so shapeless – was simply beyond the scope of seeing, hearing or smelling, as she soon figured out. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it dived headfirst into the two Ninjask, gruesomely but cleanly hacking them into two equal halves. But the Ninjask did not bleed – they did not bleed like normal creatures did, anyways – they seemed to bleed a blinding light, which quickly engulfed them and made it impossible to see – anything. When the light died down, there was nothing there – just an empty block of air where Ninjask used to be.

    The creature then turned to Pyre.

    “Are you from the Atmocomende clan?” It spoke without a voice, as if it was not a living thing that was saying these words. “Born of the couple that seemed to die twice and be reborn again? Did the song that just played talk about a charm or spell and speak the names of the ones who put your egg in danger?”

    “Everything you said is true, but why do you want to know?” Pyre asked wearily through half-closed eyes. She wasn’t lying; it was physically impossible for Pokemon to forget their own clan, her parents did experience all that (although she would rather not think about that, those times had not been very pleasurable), and she definitely hadn’t imagined the events that had just happened.

    “I am bound by duty to keep the information you seek secret, but if I truly am right, then I’ve finally found the answer to the prophecy. After your egg hatches, send him as farther up the Path as you can, then, on the dawning of his Almicon Pahos, come to my home in Desert Island, immediately south of Virc-Dho and east of the Volcano Sea – Salamence! Salamence! Don’t go yet, I have matters to discuss with you!”

    Pyre didn’t care. She was about to faint and escape her pains for the amount of time it took to find and revive her, and she was more than willing to. But just as the comfort numbed her injuries, she felt a Sitrus berry being forced into her mouth, and she was roughly thrown back into consciousness.

    “As I was saying,” the creature continued, “at the evolution before Almicon Pahos, give him three Enigma berries. Bear in mind, the only way to keep his growth proper is to follow what I said. If you ever fail to, and you see the consequences of your actions, get him directly to me. Only I will be able to help him.”

    It started to turn back into the shadows.

    “Remember, three Enigma berries at Betalcon Pahos and a visit to Desert Island at Almicon Pahos. If you do not follow my instructions, you and your son will have to come to me or pay for your ignorance.”

    “Wait! Don’t go! There are so many questions left unanswered!” Pyre called, but the creature paid no attention. Within a moment, he was gone, seemingly having melted into the wall, leaving Pyre with only a memory and an uneasy sense of foreboding as she drifted into unconsciousness.
    Overall, it's pretty good.
    My tumblr or something: x

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    Burakki: Welcome to the thread! Thanks for the compliments, and, though I don't like to brag, I agree, there have been too many n00b-like fics around lately.

    BTW, I'm actually going to check everyday, not the every-other-day routine I was talking about.

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    I mostly skimmed (Bad Scrap. Bad! XD) but I HAD to leave a comment, as this is deserving of one. ^^

    I LOVE FEN AND FONG. XD I love the dialogue, how they interact...your characters have so much personality, it charms me. You truly have skill, so I'm posting this to encourage you to keep doing your best. ^^ *shakes hand*

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    Scrap: *shakes hand* Really? Wow, I never knew I could impress someone that much with my fic! And BTW, I agree. Despite being their creator, I couldn't help XDing whenever I read Fen & Fong's dialogue.

        Spoiler:

  9. #9
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    It's quite a good fic. But as Mindripper said, you lack description. That's all. You need to describe the Pokemon much better than you did. That's what you did not do right in this fic. For the rest, it's okay. But not extremely good. Try to add some description for your next chapter.

  10. #10
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    (I skimmed through it too. Bad mustang *slaps*. BAD BAD MUSTANG)

    Urgh....This is one of the best first fics I've ever read/skimmed through. Pretty good. Fen and Fong are teh best. *mutters sumthin' bout talents and why he doesn't have 'em* *waits for cookis*

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    Nooooooooooooooooooo!

    My fans have been waiting for me, and I've let them down!
    Anyways, sorry for not posting earlier, some things came up. (    Spoiler:
    I'm soooooo sorry, I haven't done very much on the chapter, but as I said: some things came up. (see above) Anyways, new reviewers! Yay!

    xXSapphireXx: Thanks for the advice! I'll try to put more descriptions into the next chapter. Actually, I was thinking of making this an introduction chapter with the real meat being in the rest of the story, so I cut off on detail. But I've decided now that that would be pointless. I'll keep this in mind!

    Hip-Hop Master: You skimmed too? It's okay, I appreciate a review regardless of how it was caused. Thanks for the compliment, I never thought my fic could be on someone's list of best fics! (btw, talents? I don't think I'm talented at this! Also, sorry, you don't get a cookie yet. Get me some good advice and you'll soon get one, like almost everyone else - Hey, I didn't give some to xXSapphireXx? I'll get 'em now! *pulls out cookie box*)

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    *Sighs* So much writing, so many misfortunes...
    I've been trying to finish the chap for a long time, but every time something's gone wrong. Even my keyboard gave up on me for a while when I was moving to my new house, but finally, I'm back on track. You don't need to wait much more, I'm nearing the end of the chapter, but I was just coming by to post this so everyone knows I'm alive. As always, stay excited for the next chapter!

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    Here it is, what you've all been waiting for! Sorry about the sucky dialog, I can't do small children very well.

    The Upholder Of Duty


    Chapter 2: The Path




    The next morning was one of the most enjoyable times of the year. Taillow and Pidgey sang their songs as Pokémon of every shape and size imaginable went through their daily routines. Two Teddiursa twins raced across the Meadow Route, their Ursaring parents keeping close behind them to ensure their safety; a family of Zigzagoon started their daily berry foraging; and there was not a trace of the events that had ensued the night before. But all was not well; a Salamence lay in one of the innermost rooms of Serafoculaton, the mountain cave that linked the Meadow Route (which led to the Northern Forest) to the Mountain-foot Passageway (the route which led to Sableye Island). The Pokémon seemed to be alive, for her chest could be seen heaving up and down, but the breaths were shallow, and she was not making any movement other than her inhalations. She wasn’t left to herself, though; a Shelgon from the other room had passed by on a morning walk, and, stopping sharply as she reached the open door of her room, had taken a fearful glance at the state of the room. On seeing the scene inside; the large impression on the other wall, the cluttered state of the usually neat books on the antique bookcase, the energy radiating from the walls of the place, and most of all the unconscious form of Pyre lying on the floor, she had taken a piercing scream and a call for the neighbouring Chansey and the security guards, who arrived at the scene almost immediately.

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*

    Pyrocomende opened her eyes blearily as she tried to bring into focus the blur of shapes and colours before her. A Shelgon, apparently the one who had found her, was calling her name repeatedly, and, on closer inspection, could be recognized as her friend Traynalcon. Croaking a weary I’ll live to the overexcited Belticonian, she turned to a worried-looking Chansey leading a group of tough security Salamence. The Chansey exclaimed, “She’s awake!” to the others, and then continued tending to Pyre’s injuries, all the while saying, “You should be lucky I was around town, or you’d have to wait at least four weeks until my cousin Aracia came around. The people of Serafoculaton can reduce an entire Ninjask horde to whining, pleading wretches, but they can’t even heal a broken neck.”

    For some reason, the Chansey’s last statement seemed odd to Pyre, and it must have showed on her face, for then the caring (albeit strange) nurse Pokémon said, slightly irritated, “What, you thought us Chansey can’t even rejoin a severed spine? For your information, we’re working on much more worthwhile topics, like reproducing a brain for when the original gets damaged, curing all sorts of Arohen Crimayan, healing a…” She continued, speaking more and more complicated words until Pyre could not comprehend any word she said.

    “But anyways,” she continued, “you should get to the infirmary. Can you walk? Here, let me lend you a hand.” She started to help Pyre get up and was soon joined by the guards, and together they made their way to the hospital wing, the Chansey telling Pyre that her name was Ajia along the way.

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*

    A week later, Pyre was released from the infirmary, fully healed except for a few bandages and a wing splint. However, she was not completely well. The recent experiences had proved to be very unsettling, and for a long time she spent most of her time brooding on what the mysterious Pokémon had meant by his words. Why did he ask me such irrelevant questions? What was the prophecy he was talking about? And, most importantly, what is he going to do when – if – I do as he told? Questions raged through her mind, and, try as she might, she couldn’t answer any of them.

    The situation was not helped by the event that happened next. Two days later, on a day that should have been a happy, peaceful time, General Atmos came up to Pyre in the recreation room when she was trying to distract herself from her problems and told her news that put her into even more turmoil.

    “Pyrocomende Atmo,” he said, using Pyre’s full name as he often did, “it is with great sadness that I tell you this information. I truly believe that your husband, Tempicon Bios, was a great Salamence. He saved the entire of Serafoculaton numerous times. He never hesitated to risk his life for his fellow comrades and the countless innocents living in this mountain cave. And he maintained a cheerful and kind attitude for all his life. And so it was when he entered the darkness.”

    Shock filled Pyre. He’s dead! It can’t be! Tears flowed down her cheeks as she tried to digest the news put in front of her. “Tell me how he died,” she said, knowing that every word of the General’s reply would pain her but also aware that it would be an abomination to remain ignorant.

    General Atmos’ next words were as dramatic as the first. “He died with honor in battle, sacrificing himself to defeat the foe. Halfway into the battle, a Tyranitar appeared at the back of the Ninjask, and we saw a true slaughter, one the likes of which even I had never seen before. With three Fissures, he killed one-fourths of our forces. Then Tempicon came up to challenge him, and the resulting battle was a breathtakingly heroic one. But right at the last moment, the Tyranitar distracted and Fissured Tempicon like a coward, when Tempicon’s back was still to the Tyranitar. The brave Salamence had a choice then. He could either Fly out of the Fissure and Run, which would allow the Tyranitar to overtake our cave, or he could Earthquake the Fissure so that it rounded back on itself and make the ground underneath the Tyranitar fall away, thus killing both him and his enemy. He decided on self-sacrifice.

    “All that was left to do then was mourn his loss, for most of the army either fled or surrendered after they found their leader had fallen. Sure, we had won the war, but we had lost one of the most important members of our army, and for that we were truly saddened.”

    “Why didn’t you tell me this before? Don’t I mean anything to him?” she exclaimed, allowing her emotion to colour her voice.

    “We did not know if he was truly dead until just recently,” was his calm reply.

    And with a flourish, he exited.

    The next few days were one of the worst times of Pyre’s life. She spent most of her time in a depression, staying inside her room with the door closed. She felt as if she was not living, but functioning, no, existing, as if a part of her very soul had been torn away from her. She spent her time thinking of how she would live without him, how she would bear her sorrows without him. Sometimes she remembered happy times she had shared with Tempicon, and she would become even more distressed. She felt terrible for a long time until Fate finally gave her a consolation.

    On January 1st, 9000 BC, a Bagon was born.

    At first the signs were subtle, only a few cracks on Pyre’s egg, but like the growth of a fire, the egg started glowing brighter and brighter, until the entire room was filled with multicoloured light which moved and changed into shapes that were too abstract to recognize but so beautiful that one could only gaze in wonder. Pyre, though, quickly snapped out of her trance and opened her energy reservoirs, for there was a science to all the beauty, and that was the fact that, like other eggs, Dragon eggs had a store of energy in them (in the other cases, an albumen; in this case, a collection of pure, slightly refined energy) and, after hatching, the excess power was released in the form of light. Therefore, it was only logical that the mother would try to regain as much of the spent energy as she could to recover from the stress of pregnancy. Pyre soon realized how ingenious the system was; she felt an amazing sense of well being as vast amounts of energy flowed into her reservoirs, and she felt as if the world was just a bit quieter when the light faded away, the energy in the egg exhausted.

    Already exhilarated by the first phase, she forgot everything when she looked at what was left of the egg. Happiness and motherly delight filled her as she gazed upon her son, already thinking of what to call him. The Bagon Growled in such a cute and love-filled manner that Pyre had to embrace him with her neck, as was the Salamence custom to showing maternal love to a younger Pokémon. Her son cooed, and she said, “There’s so much for us to do and so many bridges to cross. I can’t wait to start your lessons and guide you through the path. But what should be your name?” A whim told her to use a large, special name, for she felt that the young Gamiconian in front of her was special. She thought about it for a moment, then asked the Bagon, “What about Cembercon Seraphim? Or Pyroken Serafoculus?” Strangely, she felt a growing fondness for the second name, and a dislike for the first, but the two feelings did not seem to come from her but a foreign source. Only then did she remember about the mental link all Salamence mothers had with their children, and realize that her child wanted to be called Pyroken Serafoculus. “All right, as you wish,” she said. “I give you the name Pyroken Serafoculus. Dragonfire.”

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*

    Having a child rejuvenated Pyre. She felt as if she was whole again. As if Dragonfire had restored a part of her, and she had a purpose again: to guide her son through each Pahos as he faced it, and to help him reach heights even more glorious than Tempicon’s or hers. Bagon children grew fast; a trait that came from the old times when even the toddlers had to sleep with one eye open, and as a result, the Salamence system of learning started early. Consequently, Pyre could start Dragonfire’s theory lesson only half a month after his hatching.

    “Come around, come around,” she said, calling to Dragonfire as he tried to see just how hard it was to Scratch a stone in two. “It’s time you started the Pahos Guaidara.”

    She already knew Dragonfire’s reply: “What’s the Pahos Guaidara?”

    “It means Path Guide. You want to grow up to be a great Salamence, don’t you?”

    He Growled an enthusiastic affirmative.

    “The Guaidara will guide you through the Path. I had it when I was your age, and look what I’ve become! A complete bazark!”

    They both laughed at the joke.

    “Let’s start, Mommy!” he said impatiently

    “All right, let’s start. Today you’ll have your theory, and tomorrow we’ll improve your battling. So, what should I teach you first?”

    She thought for a moment, then decided, “First of all I think you should see Serafoculaton. There are a lot of things you can do once you step out of the residential area.”

    She then led Dragonfire out of the room, at which point they saw a long hall with doors on either wall. There was a glowing strip on the roof, which gave the effect of water, and would have been almost indistinguishable from water had it not glowed with a different colour every few seconds. The decorative light cast shades onto the walls and floor, which were made of a special stone that reflected the light in such a beautiful way that anyone passing through would have to stop for at least a few seconds to admire it unless they had seen it many times before. Pyre had done that, but Dragonfire had not; and so he was transfixed by the light for a while until Pyre said, “There are much more glorious things in our home than that. Just think, if that’s so beautiful, what the other treasures would be!”

    At that, Dragonfire snapped out of his trance and said, “I’ll race you to the exit!” excited by the prospect of seeing the rest of the cave. He started running down the hallway, and Pyre caught up with him with some difficulty, impressed by his speed.

    The Bagon still reached first, then eagerly opened the door at the end, closing it just as quickly as a strange odour filled the room. Pyre was accustomed to the smell, but Dragonfire was not, and he started coughing from it. He started crying, weeping with a tone of worry, “The people inside are having to breathe the smell, Mommy, we have to do something!”

    It was then, when she was comforting Dragonfire, saying that it was perfectly safe and that it actually helped you after you breathed it for some time, that it struck Pyre that Dragonfire’s response was not like other small Pokémon. Instead of crying because he himself was shaken by the Ascerda gas, his first thought was about the other ones who he thought were being harmed. It was a very small incident and an awkward one at that, yet Pyre still thought it meant something. Most probably, she would just have to wait and see.

    “So, Dragonfire, ready?” she asked after telling him to take long, deep breaths so that the gas could flow freely through his body.

    “Let’s try it again!”

    “All right.”

    They opened the door again, and after a few small coughs, started looking around. The scene was magnificent. Delicate gold veins decorated the long, flowing marble walls adorned with a tapestry for every ruler of Serafoculaton in order as Pokémon of all three Pahos went on with their business. There was a Salamence sculpting a mound of molten diamond on a silver platform; a Shelgon frustrated as she tried to manipulate a Gildara, one of the oldest Salamence puzzles ever created, using only the Psychic ability she had inherited from her father; a group of tiny Bagon about Dragonfire’s age that were playing hide-and-seek using the tall gold pillars that stood on all four corners; and a group of stone Pokémon doing a play on the main stage, given life by the skill of a Shelgon who had learnt how to twist the purpose of his hereditary Synchronize ability and could make the sculptures follow what he did.

    “This is the Main Hall,” Pyre explained. “If you want to meet people, watch the show there, on the stage,” she motioned to the moving sculptures, “or just do something, this is the place.”

    She led Dragonfire to the middle of the hall, where Traynalcon was trying to calm herself after watching the climax of the play in front of her. She introduced Dragonfire to Traynalcon and vice versa, at which point Traynalcon said, “Oh, this is your son? He’s so cute!” She tried to extend a leg outwards, but soon gave up, saying, “Oh, you’re so lucky! I always wanted a child!” and becoming more and more excited all the while. After Traynalcon started visibly hopping around, Dragonfire cast a worried gaze at Pyre, and she explained that the Shelgon had a blood sugar defect and that it had not been cured without the end result of causing her to become a bit hyperactive at times.

    After a few pleasantries, Pyre led Dragonfire to more rooms, each not much less glorious than the Main Hall. There was the Dining Hall, the Recreation Room (which was met with much enthusiasm by Dragonfire), an area sectioned off with compressed air, which, according to Pyre was the construction lot for a place called the Hydracomende gardens, and finally, a door at the side of the Main Hall, at which she stopped, saying, “Now, I want you to pay what I’m going to show you the utmost attention and respect. This is the only way known to the Salamence that will let you evolve through the Pahos and become great. Only those who have taken this seriously have been able to master it, including me. So, do you promise?”

    “I promise,” Dragonfire vowed, trying to be as solemn as he could with his juvenile voice.

    “Then let’s enter.”

    Inside was a large room with many Shelgon and a few Salamence practicing various moves. At the front of the room was a series of large steps (each the height of a large Salamence and as long as the room itself) which were divided into three groups by way of colour. Various Pokémon were approaching different steps and disappearing like an image seen through rapidly thickening smoke, only to reappear a usually long while afterwards on the step immediately higher than the one they were originally on. After the first twelve steps was a bronze Shelgon who kept in front of it a strange stone which glowed both sky-blue and fire-red at the same time, then, after the twenty-fourth step, a silver Salamence holding in its wings another stone of the same type but one, perhaps, that grew more brightly than the first, and finally, at the topmost step, a light blue typhoon with a fire in its eye upon which hovered a third stone.

    “This is the Pahos,” said Pyre in a low whisper. “Through it I have achieved greatness, and so will you. There are thirty-six steps, divided into the Gamicon, Betalcon, and Almicon Pahos. Every step transports you to a dimension higher than the one below it, which is when you have to either solve a logic puzzle (which tests your mental ability) or battle a Pokémon. It then leaves you on the next step. And that is the way you progress through the Path. The stone with the Shelgon is the only way that can evolve a Bagon into a Shelgon and bring a Gamiconian to Betalcon Pahos, the Salamence’s stone can evolve a Belticonian into an Almiconian, and the third stone has never been reached before, so we can only speculate what it would do. All of them are arduous missions, ones that require a great amount of skill to be mastered. This is your future, Dragonfire. This is the Pahos. Look well.”
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 8th April 2006 at 6:27 AM.

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    Hello, all. I just wanted to come and make everyone excited for the next chapter. I haven't done much on it, but that's because I had to make some decisions with the storyline.
    Also, I started the book 'Fun With Voices' (no, I didn't, I just put some certain decor into the story so It seems more realistic)! I'm taking more time with this chap, but that's only because I want to make it really good. So If I don't make the deadline, whoever's interested in what I can do will hopefully be patient.

    Ready to serve,
    Dragonfire
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 5th February 2006 at 9:13 AM.

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    Here it is, the chapter that's really good!

    The Upholder of Duty

    Chapter 3: The Power of Dragons


    A cruel chuckle snapped Dragonfire out of his reverie. His gaze shifted upwards, gaining him the view of an ominous vise clouded by an aura of darkness. His foe was flawless, bespeaking power that was near invincible, but just by those eyes, those terrible, hollow, blood red eyes, he knew that inside, the creature was mutilated.

    What do you mean by this? he thought, projecting his demand into the shadow-creature’s mind. He did not feel like the two-Marged Gamiconian he truly was; instead, he felt a strange energy surging through his veins, exciting yet horrifying him. Two scarlet wings shifted on his unconscious command, and something registered in his mind: He was a Salamence.

    My purposes are mine and for no none else. If you wish to disprove this, perhaps a duel will suffice, though I cannot guarantee the probability that you will be alive, sane, or conscious enough to have the words register in your mind when I tell you, or any combination thereof. The creature was almost certain this alone would be enough to make this bothersome Salamence succumb to his desires. Even if he was foolish enough not to, it would just have to-

    We shall duel, was his reply. I will not be taken down like a coward.

    The statement surprised the darker of the two. The mere sight of me makes the bravest of the bravest quail in fear, it thought to itself. I would think he was smart enough to manage not invoking my wrath, but he tries to do just that? Strange…


    Very well. Let us battle.


    All of a sudden, the scene transformed. What had seemed like a dreamlike psuedo-void gave way to a world of pure chaos; it seemed as if the weaver who had created the very fabric of the universe had erred badly and, as a result, absolutely nothing was as it should have been.

    Averting his gaze from the surroundings, Dragonfire concentrated on his enemy. The creature struck unexpectedly, catching him off guard, but Dragonfire managed to dodge the Shadow Ball coming his way, given ample time when the creature paused to let the ethereal Ghost energy gather in front of it. He retaliated with a Bite, summoning a pair of jaws, which he attempted to bring down on his foe, and all the while acting on pure instinct, as he had never used Dark energy before, and his opponent’s Light Screen deflected the attack almost lazily.


    I do hope that’s not the best you can do, the creature said, meaning it. It had wanted a challenge, not a pathetic weakling.

    The next moment Dragonfire let out a cry as an overwhelmingly strong electric current rushed through his body, jarring him and causing him to collapse in spasms. When it finally abated, Dragonfire was just conscious enough to acknowledge the fact that he had been subjected to an unnaturally intense Shock Wave, so intense in fact that it had not just paralyzed him but left him at the edge of consciousness or even life.

    As the creature approached him to deliver the final Slash to the throat, Dragonfire was just awake enough to see him emit a triumphant c -





    Dragonfire the Bagon woke up from his sleep as his mother called his name. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get his mind to work as he tried to figure out the dream he had just had. It was weird; he’d been able to see everything so clearly, and he even knew what the other thing – creature – whatever-it-was was thinking. That was definitely wrong.

    “Dragonfire,” his mother said again. “Time for breakfast. You look all feverish, did you have a bad dream?”

    “Yeah, I did!” And he told his mom all about it. The story, the strange parts in it – everything.

    “Well,” she said after she heard it, looking as if she honestly had no idea what it meant, “I don’t know what this is. I definitely never saw anything like this – ever. I’ll have to think about it.” All the while, she kept a puzzled expression, but somehow, when Dragonfire took a close look at her eyes, he got a feeling she was hiding something. Any way, he didn’t press her.

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*

    After breakfast, Dragonfire asked his mother when he would have his second lesson. He was really excited about learning how to battle, so he was a bit disappointed to hear that they were going to follow the official routine, which involved doing four lessons a week (or one lesson every other day) starting on Sundays. That particular day was a Monday.

    “But there’s a lot to do already,” she said, trying to cheer him up. “The Hydracomende Gardens are finished. You’d love to play around and get some friends, wouldn’t you? You can go there in an hour, after the safety curfew is over.”

    And he went. They were a wonderful sight, the Gardens; they seemed to be not just some gardens, as they were called, but a full-blown forest. Still, they were prettier than any jungle, and they seemed to be made for Pokémon to play, take a nice walk, or just relax in them. Here and there there were subtle paths that let whoever was inside them navigate but still kept the effect of a natural forest, then there were little clearings where, as Dragonfire figured, Pokémon could hold mock battles; ‘sparring matches’, as a Bagon told him. Even the roof had been changed to make it look like the sky instead of just a stone roof, and, along with the trees and the other residents of the Gardens, the scene was beautiful.

    Dragonfire was walking aimlessly, taking in the scenery when, out of the blue, another Bagon appeared right in front of him. He was naturally freaked (he didn’t take well to surprises), and he instinctively threw a claw at the Bagon in a Slash. The poor Gamiconian just barely dodged the attack as it zoomed up at him, and they both fell on the ground in a heap.

    “Oh. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what I was thinking, I…” Dragonfire babbled while the other one tried to say something. On and on he gibbered and on and on the stranger attempted to speak. Finally, giving up, the Bagon yelled, “IT’S OKAY!”

    “Oh. All right. But why did you scare me like that?”
    “I was only playing around, silly.”
    “Hey, don’t call me silly, it’s rude!”
    “Well… Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. My name’s Agnos. What’s yours?” Agnos looked just about the same age as Dragonfire, only a bit taller and sturdier.
    “I’m Pyr- Pyro- Well, my real name is a bit hard to pronounce, but you can call me Dragonfire.”
    “Hi, Dragonfire! Would you like to play with us?”
    “Us? Are there more?” And Agnos took him to the nearest clearing, where a whole group of Bagon was ‘sparring’. When the two entered the clearing, the others stopped to watch Agnos and Dragonfire, and Dragonfire’s host announced:

    “Everybody, this is Dragonfire!”

    Most of the others said hi.

    “Dragonfire, let me introduce you to my friends. This is Pahicon,” (he pointed to a cheerful Gamiconian, who chattered back, “You know Mrs. Hathyoken? I’m her son!”; ) “Croyaliton,” (which was another Bagon who tried to hold himself with as much dignity as he could (which wasn’t very much anyways) and only inclined his head,) “’Gloomy’, as we like to call him,” (this one said sarcastically, “I’m honored,” and brooded in the corner, which got a “Don’t worry about him; he’s pretty good once he gets to know you,” from Pahicon; ) “and Carmeliton.” Carmeliton was probably the most normal Pokémon in the group.

    Dragonfire hadn’t looked in a mirror a lot, so this was the first time he was seeing a Bagon up close. He looked at all of them. The body was rather simple, with a spherical head that held up a snout about the same size as the head itself; the snout could have been called a mouth as well, for its entire lower portion was separate from the upper one and was basically the lower jaw. Bagon had no noses; instead, they breathed through small gaps in their scales, and seemingly sprouting from the Bagons’ foreheads were the three well-known tube-like stone protrusions (which were fused with the skin and themselves) that covered the head and ran the length of their necks until they curled outwards at the nape. Their hands were actually small stubs, and the legs bulged with the muscle that had accumulated as a result of the Bagon habit of running before they jumped off of cliffs or rammed into boulders. The whole body was sky blue, except for the lower surface of the snout and the underbelly, which were burnt yellow, and the protrusions, which were, of course, the color of granite.

    “May I be as arrogant to ask, do you know how to spar?” Croyaliton asked, trying to look imperious (but failing big-time, in Dragonfire’s opinion).

    Dragonfire shook his head.

    It was Carmeliton who spoke this time. “Well, you basically battle, except you never hurt your opponent, and the match ends when someone gets touched or ‘downed’ by his enemy’s attack ten times. You know some moves at least, don’t you?”

    Dragonfire said yes (an apprehensive yes, but a yes all the same), and Carmeliton told him he’d do fine, then.

    The Bagon then assembled in a formation, with two Pokémon on either end of the clearing, and one line each on the two sides. Then Pahicon said, “I want him for our team.”

    And this started the quarrel.

    The five argued on and on and on. Even when Croyaliton tried to calm them with a compromise, they only argued more. Starting to get seriously annoyed, Dragonfire thought about how to fix the situation, and then his mind came across something so stupid, it almost made him laugh.

    Not even thinking, he did it.

    “QUIET, ALL OF YOU!” The place turned silent. “Now, I’m going to pick whatever team I want, and that will have to be the strongest team. Pick one from each team, and whoever can beat me fastest can have me.”

    Instantly, the two sides started arguing again.

    Dragonfire seriously considered sneaking out that moment, but he decided he would at least try his hand in sparring. He quieted them again, then chose one person at random from each team. After he was done, he concentrated on his opponents. He’d chosen Agnos from the left team and ‘Gloomy’ from the right. Both way stronger than him.

    Wonderful.

    As soon as he faced Gloomy on the ‘Arena’, he started panicking. How am I supposed to defeat them? Why in the name of the Lati did I even agree to this? I haven’t even sparred before, ever!

    Then, his foe attacked. Dodging out of the way, Dragonfire started moving around the place. He attacked him again, and the attack missed once more. After a third lunge, ‘Gloomy’ stopped.

    “Dude, just use some attack already!” he called out.

    He resumed trying to hit Dragonfire.

    After the fourth one, Gloomy was really starting to get irritated, so Dragonfire decided he should attack. While he was looking in his mind for a type of energy, he raised his arm. It took him a minute and some effort, but finally he found it. The energy looked just like a memory, except there was absolutely nothing there but beige. He quickly pictured his arm in that weird place, and he noticed satisfied that his claws had started glowing white. Then he brought down the hand, and to his joy, he found that his Scratch managed to down his pessimistic opponent once. Even more to Dragonfire’s delight, he was able to dodge Gloomy’s next move, and hit him again. This continued for a bit, until Dragonfire had downed his enemy six times, and he had been downed only four times. Then, something happened that Dragonfire could only describe thus:


    Without so much as a thought, he stumbled across a certain memory he would never forget; one that appeared so surreal, he had difficulty believing it. He seemed to be trapped in the middle of a world of chaotic fire from which he had no escape; it was a world of terrible, scorching fire that consumed everything in its cyan-indigo blaze, even the skies. Great masses of flame flew overhead as numerous figures loped about, all set alight with fire. He saw, to his horror, Bagon, Shelgon (from which he could make out the figure of Traynalcon), and countless Salamence, and he gasped as he saw the great figure of his mother. She began moving towards him, but Dragonfire darted away from her, horrified, until he stumbled and fell, and realized that he was burning as well. He yelled in frustration until Pyre caught up and uttered four simple words:

    “Be calm, my son!”

    And he returned to reality, still feeling thrilled and slightly dazed.
    Then, as if it had waited until after the phantasm, he felt a great heat arise in his chest, which followed its way up his larynx and filled his mouth. Unbidden, he opened his considerably fearsome maw and released a strange substance. It seemed to be as ethereal as vapor, yet it glowed with the brilliant heat of fire and flowed in intricate lines akin to molten gold. It slowly drifted towards his opponent until it swarmed around and over him, covering him with fiery golden mist, which condensed into flame. Truly shaken, Dragonfire could only watch as his fire enveloped the hapless Bagon, evidently giving him excruciating pain, until –



    “What do you think you’re doing?” A beam of ice covered the flames that was just cold enough burn the fire out but was temperate enough to melt before it touched him, and the completely shaken Bagon in front of Dragonfire started wobbling, until he fell, dazed. Agnos ordered someone to get him to the infirmary, driven by his quick thinking.

    Then he turned to Dragonfire.

    “Do you realize you could’ve killed him? At the very least, he’s going to have really bad burns! Did nobody tell you Dragon flames are deadly on their own type?”

    Dragonfire’s honest answer was no, but he only apologized, saying it was on accident and that he didn’t even know he could do that. Unfortunately, Agnos didn’t want to forgive him, for some reason. Dragonfire was almost starting to get afraid that he’d do something, but then Carmeliton intervened.

    “I think it’s best that we all go home,” he said coldly. “It’s getting dark.”


    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*


    At dinner, Dragonfire told his mom about what had happened. Just when he started describing his attack, his mother interrupted him.

    “It looked like fog?” she asked, wanting to confirm. “Turned into fire? Are you sure that memory had purple fire?”
    “Yes, mom, I already said all of that.”

    And she gave a great whoop and picked Dragonfire up with a sweep of her tail.

    “Do you know what you did? You’ve just learned Dragonbreath! I can’t believe it! You learned it already!”
    “But what’s so great about that move, Mommy?”
    “What’s so great? What’s so great? It means that you’ve got the Gift! I knew it from the start, as soon as I noticed your scales were colored differently, but I can’t believe it! You’ve got the Gift! You’re going to get through the Pahos much quicker than the others, because you have the Gift!”

    Dragonfire had never seen his mother so excited before.


    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*


    The next day, Dragonfire and his mother set out for the Pahos room. He was thankful that he didn’t have to pass by Agnos or any of the others, and by the time they’d reached the place, he was in good spirits.

    “All right, let’s start with a few exercises first,” said his mother when they found a good spot. “First of all you should practice focusing your mind so when you find your energy, you can immerse yourself in it. First, picture complete darkness.”

    Dragonfire did so easily.

    “Done? Good. Now, picture your hand, or your head, or any part of your body in that darkness, and focus on that completely. Don’t think about anything else.”

    This was more of a challenge. Dragonfire could picture it faintly, without much conviction, but when he had to really concentrate on it, he had a bit of difficulty. Whenever he tried to focus on it, his mind would start wandering to some other thought. He realized that his mind could concentrate on things that needed a lot of thought, but not on matters like this. These were just too simple.

    “Well, you can practice this more afterwards. Right now I’m just telling you these exercises. Here’s another: You keep observing things about your energies, until you’ve found as many qualities possible that energies have which your normal memories don’t. This is my favorite one, because, with this, you learn how to search your mind for a reserve of a different Type of energy than the ones you already know, or, if you’ve found all of them, a different move. You can practice this later as well.”

    “Now, on to the main part: the battles. We’ll only spar; I don’t want anyone getting hurt this early on. You know how to spar, don’t you?”

    After no more than a yes, they started, Dragonfire’s mother excited because she wanted to know just how talented he was at battling, and he himself because he wanted to hone his skills, especially since he had the ‘Gift’.

    Even before the first down had happened (which was done by Pyre, of course), Dragonfire knew he was badly outmatched. Even his fastest hits never touched his mother, landing instead on the floor or in the air. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t touch her as she twisted with the grace of a Gardevoir and the speed of a Persian. His mother stopped after a while and said:

    “It’s time you learned the feint attack.”
    “Isn’t it the Faint Attack?” Dragonfire asked, not very sure about anything.
    “That’s something else,” was her reply. “The feint attack isn’t a move, exactly, but you can use it with any other attack. What you basically do is, you pretend to attack from one side, but as soon as the opponent braces him or herself, you attack the other side. It’s a dirty trick, but you can do it as long as you’re not using a very strong move.”

    They resumed their battling after that, and Dragonfire did pretty well, since he’d learnt the feint attack; and by the end, he’d figured out a few tricks himself, like using a really weak Dragonbreath on his hands to make them move faster (which, according to his mother when she saw this, gives some special things the speed of a Dragonite), and how to shatter any barrier without Brick Break.


    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*


    Later that night, Dragonfire lay in his bed, thinking about what had happened. He would have to apologize to Agnos and the others. He knew that staying angry with them for making such a big deal out of it or keeping away from them in fear wouldn’t fix anything. He would have to make up. He smiled; this was one of the things that his mother had said he had that not many others did: his ability to think clearly. He didn’t really think it was like that; he only found the most logically right thing to do and did it. Or maybe that was exactly what ‘thinking clearly’ meant. Either way, it wasn’t so great. And the same was for his battling. His mother kept saying that he battled so well it almost frightened her, and that she really thought he’d get better than her with practice, but he almost never managed to down her, and his battle with Gloomy had proved that he couldn’t even control his moves. Still, he wondered if he would get higher than his mother in the Pahos. It was highly unlikely, but maybe it would happen. Only time would tell.


    What do you think?
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 8th April 2006 at 6:25 AM.

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    Reviewing as requested!

    So, I just got to reading all three chapters last night (very thouroughly mind you), and I thought it was pretty darn good for a first fic!

    I've never seen Salamence used in fics unless of course it was a powerful trainer's pokemon (which is way over-used). I'm glad to see how you used it for its own story.. You made it seem like pokemon are people and have their own civilizations. I love the idea! ^^

    Fen and Fong were interesting characters.. I was kinda sad to see them go so early in the story.. But i guess there was a need for that because otherwise Dragonfire wouldn't have been born.

    Anyway, on to overall reviewing!

    Description: Pretty good for a first time.. Some parts needed more as mindripper pointed out; but other than that it looked fine to me!

    Length: Fine. Didn't see anything wrong. :P

    Plot: Nice and interesting. I loved reading about the Salamence's ways of training and so on. And the prophecy makes me want to read more and see what happens.

    So, since I have some time.. *Subscribes to thread*

    ~DL
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    I think I'll start replying the way most authors do...

    DL: Can I call you DL? Anyways...

    So, I just got to reading all three chapters last night (very thouroughly mind you), and I thought it was pretty darn good for a first fic!
    ^_^ Thanks! (great, I'm using smilies now... (which I've vowed against for no offensive reason)) As I said, it's not my first story. Also, what time zone are you in (you posted this at 8:33 in my time zone)? I just feel a need to know the time zone of whoever subscribes to a thread of mine.

    I'm glad to see how you used it for its own story.. You made it seem like pokemon are people and have their own civilizations. I love the idea! ^^
    I always knew Pokemon are sentient; it was just one of those things that were obvious to me. And I knew sentient beings usually have civilizations. So that was one of the things that came unbidden to me, since I never thought Pokemon were anything like animals in intelligence.

    Fen and Fong were interesting characters.. I was kinda sad to see them go so early in the story.. But i guess there was a need for that because otherwise Dragonfire wouldn't have been born.
    Well, Fen and Fong's only purpose was being a tool*. I guess I should've let them go on, but now that I did that to them (I despise the Nincada line), I don't think I'll change anything.

    In any case, thanks for the review, and especially the subscription!

    *A tool (in my vocabulary) is an insignificant character/event that triggers a more important event or the appearance of a more important character. I guess I just got carried away doing this certan tool/s.

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    My timezone is central I believe.. (It's 8:23 AM now)

    (I despise the Nincada line)
    Yay! I'm not the only one. :3
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    Yeah.. they're the first wild Pokemon that actually require you to make a conscious effort to battle with while fetching moderately good experience. All the ones before require you very little work but still give good experience.

    Anyways...

    Progress: This time I'm actually introducing one of my favourite characters in the plot I've made for now (which comprises of six chapters. Unbelievable!), and it's a bit hard, tring to get it just how I want it. But believe you me, it won't be any worse than the others, so you can stay excited!

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    Yes, I notice that I said I was going to post a chapter per two weeks, and that I'm way past the deadline, but I want to be forgiven. My Annual Exams have just about started, and I'm probably spending every waking moment studying for them. As a result, I have done little on the chapter. But hopefully this will be regarded with tolerance and patience... or else...

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    Just here to tell you that my exams are about to end, and the severe case of Writers Block I have is going along with it. Also, I've borrowed an idea from Dragonfree to use here. If you have any questions to ask to the characters or to me, interview away!

    EDIT: I've already double-posted, so I don't think I'll triple-post. Progress is moving at a swift clip, and, though I won't tell when I'll put it up - I never do - I'll have it up by the end of the week. And it's good - I thought on it, and I know now exactly how to make the character. Stay excited!

    EDIT: Again? I'm almost done with the next chapter, just one more part to put. It'll take two days, at the most.

    EDIT: Just when you thought I'd have posted a chapter already, I get Writers Block. AGAIN. You'll have to wait a bit more.
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 23rd March 2006 at 7:11 AM.

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    Woah. This story is awesome. I know I haven't read that many but
    I really like this one. I can't wait for the next chapter.

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    Ashban: I'm glad you liked it. You have given a decent length, but I would like you to tell me why you liked it. Is the spelling and grammar good? Or did you like my description? I want you to elaborate.

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    Okay, I am officially hooked to this. ^^ I just love how much thought and detail have gone into the culture of these Dragons, complete with what is a very lovely native language for them, including very cool character names and Draconic terms for the evolutionary stages of the Bagon line. I also like the Pokécentricity of this piece. It's just great fun to enjoy a non-human perspective and setting. ^^

    I really liked that dream sequence at the beginning of the third chapter; that was very eerie and lovely. And oh, yes, because I must mention this part, too: The Fen and Fong scene. XD Dang, that part was funny.

    So yeah, I'm liking this. Dragons make for very interesting subject matter, indeed. ^^
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

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